Elevators. Danny despised them. They were necessary, though, and he accepted their existence. You got on. You got off. Simple. Quick. Most of the time. He liked to pretend the little incident with Mindy never happened. Word got out, and he was embarrassed. Worst of all was everyone teasing him about her. Did they hook up? Only he and Steve knew she preferred women. Her secret had slipped out one night they'd kidnapped her after a tough case. Steve had whisked her back to his place. Like his giant marshmallow heart did with all the broken toys. He cooked her a steak and Danny had supplied the Longboards.
Steve did things like that. He took care of people. That's why Danny got on elevators. Why he pushed himself to be better.
This particular elevator was taking forever. Danny tapped his foot. He massaged his wrist and kept his breathing even. He tried not to watch the floor numbers.
He was almost there.
Danny wore a bright orange visitor pass. It was after hours, so he had a special lanyard to get past the security. Steve was somewhere behind thick metal doors. A locked ward. Of course, this was Jersey. A big city. Hard knocks. A place still living in the shadow of 9/11. This wasn't paradise with nonstop sunshine and beautiful beaches.
But none of this made sense. His best friend was unconscious in New Jersey. Beaten senseless outside a bar near Danny's alma mater. How did that happen?
Danny got the urge to help. He understood. He'd have done the same thing, if he'd seen the girl in trouble. But when did it stop?
/././
He stepped off the elevator and onto terra firma. Or mostly. He'd never forget being buried under that building. He stilled had nightmares. A thousand different scenarios where he and Steve didn't make it outta that maze of twisted rebar and concrete. Danny placed his hand on his side. Another scar hidden under his shirt. His body was covered with them. A map of his life. His eyes pinched with tears. Some days he felt like he was coming apart at the seams. He wondered how far it went before he'd have a full-blown breakdown. It happened to cops, and it didn't always end well. That wasn't the life he wanted for himself or Steve.
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to focus on happy memories. Like Steve playing the guitar he'd bought him. A private concert. Just Steve, Danny and the rolling ocean. Spur of the moment. To calm Danny's nerves.
They were best friends. To call them brothers was cliched. Danny loved Steve. He still got what anyone else would call butterflies when he saw Steve sometimes. The oddest moments. Like when they were gearing up and Steve had that GI Joe look. All stern and deadly. Danny shivered. There were also other times, too. Every so often he'd catch Steve singing in the shower. Danny could lose count of all the things he loved about his partner.
That's why it hurt so much when he left. When he said he'd only stayed because of his dad's case. After all those years. Danny wanted to believe it was just a slip. Steve really didn't mean it. Or he was covering for stronger, deeper feelings. Things he didn't want to face.
Danny stopped and watched a medical cart glide across the floor. It opened the heavy door, and he followed it. He was both amused and appalled at the security breach. If you made it to this unit – and it wasn't difficult – you could get into the locked ward with no problem. He needed to mention it to someone later. You never turned off being a cop.
/././
The room was private. Lights dimmed to a soft yellowish white. Danny relaxed a little when he noticed there were no interventions besides an IV. Monitors told him Steve was sleeping. Danny didn't know if his best friend had woken up yet. His chest twisted, and he placed a hand over his heart. He'd snuck into the room without visiting the nurse's station as he'd promised the downstairs clerk he would. He needed to know. Had to see Steve.
Now, he thought about the urgency. Why he'd come running this time. It was the same, yet different. Danny would always go to Steve. The reasons he hadn't followed Steve on his quest for peace were his kids and Steve hadn't offered.
That part stung a little. His pessimistic side reminded him that Steve deserved better than him. Which was total crap though. He chased away the negative bullshit. Steve left because he was running. His own pain and guilt had driven him from Danny and the team.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Danny whispered as he took in the man before him.
Steve looked older. He was struck by the thought. When did that happen? When did reality catch up to Steven J. McGarrett?
Danny knew it had caught up to him, too. His body was done. He'd probably need knee surgery before the year was over. The way his hip felt scared him. He flexed his hand and wondered if he'd ever fire a weapon again. Recovery never used to be this mountain to climb.
Steve was not coming back easily either. Danny had researched Post Concussion Syndrome after Grace's accident when her headaches didn't go away. He wondered about his own brain. And Steve's. And now the big lug went and got stomped. This was not peace. This was life on life's terms. Again.
"We have to stop meeting like this, babe."
Danny fought the urge to brush a strand of hair from Steve's eyes. His hair had grown longer than Danny'd ever seen it. That fact choked him up more than anything. Which was all kinds of wrong. Why was an injured Steve almost normal? The crush of emotion was intense. It took his breath away. Danny stood there for a few seconds, holding Steve's hand and watching his stats on the monitor.
"Sir, may I help you?" A young woman asked. She stood in the hallway, just outside the room. "My name's Kathy. I'm Steve's nurse tonight. Are you Danny Williams?"
"Yea, that's me. Sorry I didn't check in first."
"That's alright. Jim downstairs told me you were on your way up. I know you've come a long way to see your friend." She said, a smile lit up her face. "I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."
"Has he –" Danny couldn't finish the question.
"Woken up?" She finished for him, and then answered, "Yes and no. He opened his eyes and responded to his name, but only for a few minutes."
Nodding, Danny braced himself against the wall. Hand over his mouth, he blinked against the tingle of more tears. He could not break down. Not yet.
Kathy continued talking as she entered the room, which gave him a few seconds to organize his thoughts. "Steve – your friend – he's been through a lot. Rest is what he needs most."
A bit frantic with the worry that he was about to be kicked out, Danny replied, "If I could, please, I'd like to stay. I promise you won't know I'm here. I'll stay outta the way."
Danny knew he sounded desperate. He felt desperate. He was exhausted and losing his grip on politeness. Seeing Steve had actually given him a burst of adrenaline. His best friend was alive, maybe a little worse for wear, but not something they hadn't dealt with before.
"I know, Detective Williams. Don't worry, you're fine. I'll get you a better chair." She paused mid stride and turned to face him. "How about I get you a recliner? I think there's one available on this floor. That way, you can get some rest, too."
He wanted to give her a big, giant hug, but he refrained from doing so. Lord knows he smelled. "Sounds good, thank you so much."
When she was gone, he deflated. Tears blinded him. This was too much. He'd spent the last 12 hours creating nightmares in his head, and in the end, it all felt so familiar. A routine from hell.
Danny wanted things to be different. For this to be a blip on their radar. Their radar. He always thought of himself with Steve.
If he wanted an actual life with Steve, things would have to change. There would be no judgment. No guilt trips. Just relief and gratitude.
Because Danny didn't know how this would end. He could imagine several scenarios, each tainted with his negative streak. It was too ingrained to shake completely, though Steve had helped him with his mindset. If he couldn't be positive, he could be logical. Name the possible outcomes, scary and not so scary. Be honest. Prepare but don't despair. Steve had joked.
Danny looked at his best friend now, and he fought a despair so crushing he wanted to sink into the floor. No matter how many times they'd been injured, it always hurt. Only these wounds couldn't be seen. Every bruise and broken bone and torn muscle chipped away at his sanity. How could you be human and live with this stuff? Again and again. Over the years, Danny'd seen many horrible things. He'd been witness and victim. Many nights, he'd sworn he'd lost his faith.
Steve opened his eyes, and Danny believed in God again.
"Missed you." Steve murmurred. Voice all raspy in his dry throat.
Danny squeezed Steve's hand. "Missed you, too."
A long sigh and Steve's eyes drifted closed, but the smile remained on his face. Danny melted into his hands, covering his red and itchy eyes. His body shook with relief and exhaustion. He could barely stand. He didn't flinch when a hesitant, warm hand squeezed his shoulder and then slid away.
The nurse had returned, delivering the chair and checking Steve with a gentleness that made Danny's eyes water.
"Thank you, Kathy."
"You're welcome, Danny. Let me know if you need anything."
Danny adjusted the recliner so he could hold Steve's hand. For now, he didn't relax.
"Sleep, Steve. I'll be here."
/././
Against his will, Danny fell asleep. He'd been on his feet for almost a day straight. He woke to what he first thought was an angel. He smiled at Steve's night nurse. She was magic.
"He's been having nightmares since he came in. Glad you're here. You seem to calm him." Kathy said.
Danny nodded. Bad dreams weren't a surprise. His mind avoided the part about his presence. "He's been through a lot. He was supposed to be on vacation."
"He said your name once." Her voice was soft, almost too quiet to hear.
Danny took Steve's hand again.
"It's difficult to see him like this." She checked Steve's IV and monitors with a touch Danny appreciated.
"Not my first time," Danny replied.
"I saw his scar. Liver transplant?"
"That's right. How-" Danny touched his belly.
"He has a medic alert bracelet. It's with his personal effects." Kathy motioned across the room to a small closet.
"I got that for him." Danny stuttered. He was shocked Steve wore it. He'd never seen it on his best friend. It had vanished after Danny'd given it to him. He figured it had been stuffed in the back of a drawer somewhere.
"You were the donor?"
Caught by surprise, his eyes watered, but no tears came; there weren't any to spare. He touched his belly. A soft yes was all he could manage in reply.
"You're a good friend." She squeezed his shoulder and handed him a bag. "Here's a blanket. Gets chilly in here at night."
Danny dabbed his face, chasing a headache. He pressed the bag to his chest and it crinkled. He answered with a smile, "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Try to get some sleep." The nurse disappeared into the hall.
Danny spread the blanket over his legs and stared at Steve til his vision blurred, and he closed his eyes.
"Am I dreaming?" Steve asked.
Catching his breath, Danny smiled and chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. He covered Steve's hand with his own. After a hitched breath, he answered. "I'm here. Not dreaming."
Steve flashed a smile. "Woulda been a nice dream."
"Real life is better, babe."
"Yea?" Steve flipped his hand palm up.
Danny intertwined their fingers. "Yea."
Steve closed his eyes, giving Danny a few chuckles as he drifted. Little puffs of a laugh. Like he was caught between sleep and reality.
"I'm here." Danny repeated. "I'm not going anywhere."
They both slept.
/././
Two nurses, Pam and Kathy, watched the bank of monitors. The floor was quiet, but neither dared mention it.
Pam laughed and said, "And just like that, his stats evened out."
"His friend's here. Short, blonde, kinda stocky. Built too. His name's Danny. Wait, here he comes." Kathy replied.
They both smoothed their uniforms and sat a little straighter.
"Good evening," Danny smiled.
"Good evening, sir," Pam answered first.
"How's the chair?" Kathy asked.
"It's great. Thank you," Danny answered, "I napped for a bit."
Kathy nodded, pleased. "That's great. Need anything else?"
Hands in his pockets, he looked at the floor for a second before asking, "Where's the best coffee around here?"
Pam tilted her cup and eyed the contents. "Not this stuff."
She kept her head down and focused on the screens in front of her.
"There's a coffee cart down in the lobby," Kathy said, "They're open all night."
"Thanks," Danny smiled. He stopped as he turned to leave. "Can I get you two anything?"
Kathy returned his smile. "No, but thank you. My shift will be over soon. No more caffeine for me."
"None for me either, thanks," Pam waved him away.
"Alright then. Thanks."
They watched him disappear at the end of the hall.
Eyebrow raised, Pam studied her colleague. "Well, that was interesting."
"What?" Kathy frowned, pretending to look stern, like she knew what was coming.
"You've got the hots for that guy. That's what." Pam popped some gum into her mouth.
"Nah, he's taken."
"How would you know?"
"Steve McGarrett."
"His friend. The guy in room 12?"
"Oh, they're more than friends."
"Wanna bet?"
"Sure, what's the wager?"
"Coffee cart all week. Throw in a muffin or two?"
"I'll take that action."
Pam and Kathy laughed and went back to their work.
/././
Half an hour later, Danny stepped off the elevator, coffee carrier in one hand and a bag of muffins in another. He always doted on the nurses who took care of friends and family. Exhausted, but properly caffeinated, he felt lighter. Step one had been tackled. He'd seen Steve. Step two was figuring out what lay ahead. Get a diagnosis. Something solid to ground Danny in reality. He needed something to work with, so he could make a plan.
Wish granted, he spotted a man who looked like a doctor he'd seen on a plaque in the lobby, just letting himself into the ward.
Danny took a chance. "Hey doc. Can I borrow you for a minute?"
"Sure sir."
"Hi, I'm Danny Williams." Danny said as he offered his hand. "I'm here with Steve McGarrett."
"Oh yes, we were expecting you. You came all the way from Honolulu?"
"That's right." Danny didn't add that he was actually from New Jersey like he used to do.
The doctor juggled a travel mug and a tablet computer and asked, "What can I do for you? I bet you have questions."
"I, uh, I was wondering if I could get a look at my friend's chart? Or maybe you could give me a rundown?"
"That's a bit unusual, but I did see your name in your partner's medical information. His physician's number was on his alert bracelet. Very helpful."
Danny flashed him a smile. The bracelet. He still couldn't believe the giant goof had worn it. He was so choked up he couldn't speak.
"Well, I guess I'll jump right in," the doctor said as he tapped the tablet screen. "He was struck on the head in two places. He's been aware but sluggish."
Danny nodded, half holding his breath.
"Besides multiple minor contusions and lacerations, he's got two fractured ribs, a blowout fracture to his left orbital bone. Doesn't look like he'll need surgery. His right kidney is also bruised."
"So don't be alarmed if he pisses blood?" Danny interjected. Kidney bruising was sadly not an unfamiliar thing for them.
"Yes, but keep an eye on it. We'll monitor output while he's here, of course."
"How's his liver?"
The physician checked the chart on his tablet. "His liver's fine."
"Any signs of radiation poisoning?"
A quizzical eyebrow raise made Danny clarify.
"He was exposed to a dirty bomb a few years ago. He's only recently stopped taking his meds."
Another check of the chart. "All of his bloodwork is normal. I'm sure his primary physician has given him the long-term statistics, but for now, all things considered, he should recover."
Closing his eyes, Danny almost doubled over with a sigh. Steve would recover.
"You okay, sir?"
"Yes, I'm good. Thankful."
"Steve is lucky. An assault like this doesn't always end so well."
Danny chuckled. "You don't even know…"
"Are you sure you're alright?"
"Long flight. I'm fine."
The doctor put his hands on his hips. He was taking no shit.
"You got me," Danny sighed and added, "I was hit by a car a few weeks ago."
"Hit by a car?"
"Chasing a suspect. I'm a cop."
"Well, it seems like you're both quite lucky then."
Shaking his head, Danny replied, "You could say that, doc."
"But you're okay? I see you favoring your left side. Have you had knee surgery?"
"Almost."
"Almost?"
Growing weary of the interrogation, Danny answered, "Look, I'm fine. I had a physical not long before I flew here. I was cleared for desk duty."
"That's what I like to hear. Take care of your health. So many tough guys like you ignore it," The doctor checked his watch. "I've got rounds in a few minutes. If you have more questions, Mr. Williams, please let me know."
"Thanks, doc, I will." Danny shook the guy's hand again.
/././
He stood in the doorway of Steve's room, feeling like he was on the edge of disaster. He knew Steve would be fine. That wasn't in question. His worry involved something less tangible. Their changing relationship scared the hell out of him.
But Danny was going to be brave.
I'm not sure what to say except thank you, as always, for reading. My plan for this story seems to be working out. There should be 25 chapters once I piece everything together. I'm really glad you're here.
