A/N from Babyjamo: Apologies for the delay in uploading this chapter caused by my holiday. We're back now and working on the final chapters where our girls start facing the past.

We're over half way through now and we think we've kept you waiting long enough to find out what happened on graduation day. As we've only six chapters left, we're posting one a week from now on...you know...to build up the suspense ;-).

As ever, thank you for the reviews and support for this story. We can't wait to read what you think of this chapter!

Chapter 13: Eruption

Seville, Spain

They had spent the last hour going over the events of the operation, lessons to be learned, and dished out tasks as they started the hunt for Abu Ahmed all over again. "Alright, so everyone knows what to do. Any questions?" Arizona looked around the room, watching every team member carefully. She knew some of the team were questioning her handling of the operation, but she had followed protocol and prioritised the safety of her team and the general public first.

"Alright, in that case, you can go," she added when no one spoke up. Her eyes landed on Callie, who was standing near the door. The dark-haired woman was sporting the start of a decent-looking black eye where Ahmed had punched her and had her arms crossed in front of her chest. Her brows were furrowed and her eyes throwing daggers. When their eyes met, Arizona spoke up. "Agent Torres, can I have a moment?"

The rest of the team left the room. Mark gently patted Callie's shoulder. "Go easy on Gizmo," he said quietly before leaving as well.

In the six years he had worked with Callie Torres, Mark had gotten to know her pretty well. He could read her like a book and right now, she was as highly strung as she could get. This whole thing with Officer Robbins had truly gotten to his friend. It was unusual for Callie to not keep her composure and even though he could see she was trying, Arizona Robbins was breaking through the defense lines. Mark knew he had interrupted something earlier when he had found them arguing by the swimming pool. And if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that it was only a matter of time before the volcano that was Callie Torres would erupt.

"Calliope….." Arizona started once all the other team members left the room, her voice concerned.

"Oh no," Callie said, her voice low and calm, but the fire in her eyes giving away she was far from calm. "Don't you Calliope me. You've lost the right to call me that a long time ago." Callie was fuming at the blonde, who had informed her that she was to step down from active duties for a few days while she recovered from her fall.

"Sorry." Arizona had always liked Callie's full name. The moment she had found out about it, she had started using it. It had been their thing, her way of being close to Callie without it being too obvious. And right now, she was longing to be close to the FBI Agent. She wanted, no, needed to take care of her. She had wanted to be the one to help Callie out when they got back to the apartment building. But duty had prevented her from being where she wanted to be. Again.

"Callie, I know it's frustrating, we all feel it, but I have a duty of care for the team..."

"No, Officer Robbins," Callie interrupted her, purposely using Arizona's title to create distance between them. "Don't try and make this about the team, we both know you are treating me differently to the rest of them." She pursed her lips before letting out a sigh and biting on her lip, all to try and release the immense tension she felt. "You decided to bench me. I told you I am fine. If Mark hadn't stopped to check up on me we would have caught him!"

"Callio..Callie," Arizona corrected herself just in time. She did not want to tick the other woman off even more. "I asked Mark to check up on you because it looked like…..you took a nasty fall and I…"

"Now you choose to give a shit about me? Seriously?" Callie was still speaking in the same low tone of voice, but the cracks were starting to show as she shook her head in disbelief. "Too little, too late. Where were you when I needed it?" Callie's painkillers were starting to wear off slightly and her shoulder was throbbing as she tried to control the emotion that was racing through her body. "I don't need you to care for me, Arizona. I can take care of myself just fine," Callie fought the tears starting to form in her eyes and she looked at those blue eyes, giving away the fact that she was anything but fine. This argument had been nearly seven years in the making, and it was clearly no longer just about the operation.

"I do give a shit, Callie," Arizona replied, her own voice quaking as she looked directly at Callie and saw the tears forming in those brown eyes. "I never stopped caring, I never stopped wearing this necklace and I never stopped thinking about you." She figured she may as well put it all on the table now. They had both been too stubborn to admit that their personal feelings were getting in the way of their work. If they could settle their differences, maybe they could return the focus to the operation and catch Abu Ahmed.

"NO!" Callie said, her voice more forceful now. "You don't get to say that. You chose your perfect image over our promise."

"It wasn't like that Callie...there was more to it," the blonde tried to explain but was interrupted by the FBI Agent who was now pacing up and down the room.

"Oh, sure! Of course there was. There always is with you. So please, go ahead...enlighten me…," even though her words were calm, there was a hint of venom in her voice, "...what was more important, Arizona?"

"My dad," Arizona replied bitterly. She was getting tired of Callie playing the victim card. Yes, she had broken her promise, but Callie had never heard her out. She had never been given the chance to explain herself. The Latina had no right putting all the blame on her when she was partially to blame herself.

The brunette let out a sarcastic laugh whilst putting her hands up in mock shock. "What a fucking surprise. Colonel Robbins calling all the shots again!" Callie was losing her patience and it was evident in her voice. The brunette continued pacing up and down the room, needing to decrease the pressure that was building on the inside. She pictured the Colonel on graduation day and saw the image like it was just yesterday. It was all about the show with him, with his pristine white Marine uniform and shiny medals.

Callie and Arizona had shared stories about growing up and talked about how much influence their fathers had had on their lives, influenced the type of people they had turned into. Despite that, Callie had stood up to her father and picked Arizona, even though it cost her her family. It was infuriating to hear Arizona admit that she had chickened out because of her father's hold on her.

"He was sick," Arizona said so quietly Callie didn't hear. She bit her lip as she watched Callie continue to pace in front of her.

"Always trying to please him…I never understood that, why didn't you just live your life..," Callie said in an accusatory tone.

"He was SICK," Arizona repeated, more firmly this time, causing the Latina to stop dead in her tracks and turn to look at the blonde.

"What?" Callie's eyebrow raised so high it almost connected with her hairline. Once the initial shock wore off, her eyes softened, changing into a look of concern instead of fire.

"Cancer," the blonde added softly.

"Jesus, Arizona…," Callie said, the hostility she had earlier been displaying disappearing in an instant. When she looked into the blonde's eyes, she immediately felt herself being sucked in. The sadness she saw there was heart-wrenching.

"Is he OK?" Callie asked, biting her lip. She suddenly felt very bad for being so mean to Arizona. She had never really given the blonde a chance to explain. It had been easier to just fill in the gaps herself and assume Arizona did not love her. It was something she had built her life upon.

Arizona shook her head while swallowing hard to stop her eyes from tearing up. She never talked about losing her father and saying it out loud made her feel sick to her stomach. This whole situation was nauseating, but she knew she needed to stay strong. "It...umm it had spread too much. He didn't want me to know, but my mom told me, the morning of the graduation. The morning I was going to tell them that I was in love with you…..I just couldn't do it….I couldn't do that to him, Callie….I'm sorry….I just knew he wouldn't have approved and I wanted him to be proud of me….I..I wasn't brave like you...I just couldn't go through with it." Tears started to form in her eyes, no matter how hard she forced them down.

"Why didn't you tell me, Arizona? Why didn't you say something?" There it was again, that feeling….the need to scoop Arizona up in her arms and hold her until all the pain went away. It was a deep-rooted feeling in the pit of her stomach and she was trying very hard to keep it down there. She had locked those feelings up a long time ago and she had moved on. But seeing Arizona so vulnerable stirred up all kinds of unwanted feelings. The longer she found herself in the vicinity of her ex-girlfriend, the harder it became to stop herself from feeling. It was making her vulnerable as well and it angered her. She had promised herself she would never let Arizona, or anyone else for that matter, in again and here she was, practically seeing her own walls crumble in front of her.

"I did!" Arizona's initial reaction had a hint of desperation, but she quickly recomposed herself by taking a breath and shifting on her feet. "I told you everything, about my dad being sick, how I had only found out that morning and how I didn't want to disappoint him…." Arizona's voice trailed off. They were opening Pandora's box right now and she knew there was no turning back now. The things they were about to say, could never be unsaid.

Callie looked confused for a second and then she remembered, "...the letters."

Dearest Calliope,

I messed up Callie. Messed up big time. Like major league fucked up and I'm going out of my mind trying to figure out how to fix it as you won't answer my calls or respond to my emails. I've hardly been able to sleep since graduation day, I literally cannot stop thinking about you and wondering if you are OK?

I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and redo that day all over. Take 2 of that moment where I made a bad decision. I knew my parents weren't going to be happy, so my plan for the day was to introduce you to my parents as my girlfriend. Quick and fast, like ripping a Band-Aid off. It's all about show with my parents and so I knew they wouldn't make a scene there and then and I figured I'd deal with any fallout afterwards.

I knew it would be a shock, but once they got to meet you properly and had time to get used to the news, that they would understand. I hoped that when they saw us together, and how happy we were, things would be OK. Only my plan didn't go the way I hoped.

We were running late (and you know how much I hate being late) my mom and dad had been acting really weird all morning, and when we got to the training centre my dad announced he needed to use the restroom. We were waiting outside for ages and I was freaking out because I just really wanted to see you and get it over with, but when I asked impatiently why he was taking so long, my mom broke down and told me that my dad was sick.

He is dying Callie. Stage 5 cancer and it has spread from his bowel to his liver. Fuck. Just writing that to you is so hard. My hands are shaking. I'm still in shock. My dad didn't want me to know, but it's too big a thing for my mum to deal with on her own. He's really sick and I don't know what to do and I miss you so much.

It isn't an excuse for what I did that day. Why I stood there in dumb silence and let my mum believe that I was seeing Tom, why I didn't follow through with my promise, but it is the reason.

I should never have let my mom think I was with Tom. God, I'm such an idiot. It was when I first started and nothing had happened between us, she was going on and on about when I was going to find a nice young man, and I just mentioned his name, and that was it! The next time I spoke she was asking me all about my relationship with Tom and I didn't do anything to correct her. It was just easier to go along with it. To let her think that I was seeing a guy when the fact was I was developing feelings for you, but I had no idea if you felt the same way. I was grateful for the distraction whilst I tried to figure out what those feelings towards you were! I now know that it was love. I'm head over heels in love with you Callie and I hate myself for not being brave enough to tell my mom that I wasn't seeing Tom, that I was in fact seeing you.

You have to believe me when I say I haven't changed my mind. About us. You have to believe me when I say I miss you and I hate myself for how my actions made you feel, but I just couldn't go through with it after I heard the news. I didn't want to disappoint my dad Calliope. I made a split-second decision that I just couldn't do it, but I regret it so much.

He told me he was proud of me, right before you came over and I was still in shock. I was confused and scared and still taking things in, I still am, but god Callie I am so sorry. I close my eyes and all I can see is the hurt on your face, but it isn't what you think. I need you to believe that my feelings haven't changed one bit.

I'm back home for the moment and I'll stay here to try and help my mum for a bit, but it's killing me not being able to speak to you, not knowing how or where you are.

I still love you and want us, want everything we planned….I just need a little more time. I need to be here for my mum, to help my dad. Please try and understand why I did what I did and know that I never in a million years wanted to hurt you. I know I have and I am so sorry.

I've no idea if this letter will make it to you, but I'm starting to feel like it's my last and only hope. I don't even know if you are with your parents? but it's the only contact address I have and I figure they could pass them onto you. I really need to talk to you, I know you are mad with me, but you have to give me a chance to explain.

Please call me Callie. So we can talk.

All my love

A x

###

Dearest Callie,

Yep, me again! I don't know if these letters are getting to you, but I have to believe they are and I have to hope that one day you'll respond. My emails and text messages are bouncing back, so I'm guessing that means you've blocked me. Maybe I should take the hint, but I can't. I can't let you go.

Do you realise we should be in Seville now? Sipping sangria in the sunshine. Instead, I'm in my old bedroom at home with my parents, missing you like crazy.

Callie, I have never felt the way I felt with you with anyone before. You make me feel alive! And without you….I feel, well I guess that's the thing, without you I don't feel anything. I am numb. Without you, I just feel empty and I'm going through the motions.

It's all doctors and hospital appointments at the moment and I'm trying to get things in order with the house and stuff. It all happened really suddenly. My dad was losing weight and he finally went to the doctors to get it checked out, and that's when they spotted something in the blood test results, but it has spread within the last month. I was so angry with him that he hadn't gone and got checked out earlier, maybe they could have treated it if it had been caught earlier.

The Agency allowed me to take a couple more weeks off to help with things at home, but the treatment isn't working too well at the moment, and my dad is in a lot of pain. I feel so sad and...I fucking hate seeing him suffer and he is so proud and stubborn he won't accept help with things, but I can see the agony he is in.

Callie please let me know you are OK and call me so we can talk. Talk about what happened and I can tell you how much you mean to me. I've never been great at sharing my feelings, but right now all I want is the chance to talk to you so I can make you believe me when I say I love you. And I want you.

Call me Callie. Please x 1000

###

Dearest Callie,

I'm angry. I'm angry at myself that I messed up, that I can't fix this, but I'm also angry at you!

I know you are angry and hurt, but I've explained why I didn't tell them and you still won't speak to me! I know you think I care too much about what other people think about me, and you are probably right, but these aren't just any people. They are my parents. And for the record, I was 100% going to tell them. So how about you cut me some slack. If you love me the way you say (said) you love(d) me, then you would understand and you would be able to forgive me. Maybe the fact that you haven't responded to my attempts means that you no longer feel that same way about me?

God, it's driving me mad not knowing what you are thinking. I did wrong, I know that, but I don't deserve this. Please call me or send an email, I just want to know you are OK. I'm so sad without you.

To make things worse, the official photographs from graduation day arrived today. My mom put it up in the hallway, but I can't bear to look at it. I told her to take it down as all I see when I look at it is the hurt on your face.

I don't know what to do Callie. I'll keep apologising to you for the rest of my life and keep writing to you as it makes me feel better…makes me feel somehow still connected to you…even though I've no idea if you are reading them. Even though you haven't replied once.

All my love

A x

###

Dearest Callie,

Is it true? Are you leaving the Agency? Steve told Becca that he heard you were joining the FBI. Please Callie…please don't do that. Fuck! Are you doing it because you can't stand the thought of even seeing me again?

Oh my god…that thought is killing me.

You do know the whole thing with Tom was just a lie? I've told you about my mom and how she would bug me every phone call asking if I was seeing anyone, like I wasn't complete or something if I didn't have a boyfriend! I fobbed her off mentioning Tom one day and ever since then it was just easier to go along and pretend something was happening, but you have to know that it's just not true. I like him as a friend, but there is and never has been, anything going on. God, I hope that's not the reason why you are leaving the Agency?

I realise writing that makes me sound like a massive coward, and maybe I am. I should have just stood up to my mom and told her the truth, told her it had all been a lie. But I was so wrapped up in our story, in our world, that I just kind of forgot about it.

Do you remember when I told you that my college boyfriend Derek proposed to me at Graduation and I said no? He was a sweet guy, but I was way too young to get married and it didn't fit in with my life plan. Anyway, my mom was devastated when I told her. All her adult life she has been a doting wife and dedicated mother, and I love her to bits, but she sees success in life in terms of marriage and kids and the success of your husband. I don't agree at all, but I can't blame her as it's all she knows! We're so different and sometimes it can feel like my mom just doesn't get me at all. I think she thinks one day I'll come to my senses and become a classic Barbie type who finds and marries her Ken, when all I want is to be Action Man, maybe minus the scar.

Please, tell me it's not too late? Not for us or your job at the Agency, I'm sure things can be undone. You are so talented and clever and made for the job and I hate, HATE to think that I am the reason why you are joining the Feds. Please, call me Callie. I love you so much. I just want to be able to talk to you.

A x

###

Dearest Callie,

So, I still need you to know that I love you and miss you every day. Do you miss me? Do you even think of me?

I've been trying to work out how to explain why I did what I did that day. Did I ever tell you my earliest memory?

I was about 4 years old, I remember because I was super excited for my birthday party, super! It was Wonder Woman themed. It was my first ever party and a couple of days before we had a fun day at pre-school and I took part in a race. Anyway, on the day I lost to some kid and I was so upset. I was crying in my bedroom, properly sobbing my heart out as I had wanted to win (clearly I have always been competitive). Anyway, my mom couldn't get me to calm down and so she sent my dad in to talk to me and he told me to grow up and stop crying. I remember his booming voice. I remember I stopped crying instantly, but I was still so disappointed and then my dad sat down on my bed. He looked so big sitting on my little bed, but then he pulled me up onto his lap and asked me if I had tried my hardest. I nodded that I had. He asked me if I had run as fast as I possibly could, and I told him I really had and then he smiled at me and told me that he was proud of me.

My dad didn't tell people he loved them. That was an emotion too far for him. The closest he came was by telling you he was proud. That was my earliest memory, and from that day onwards, all I have done, I have done because I want to make him proud. I want to hear him say "Arizona dear, I am proud of you." Because who doesn't want to know that their parents love them and are proud of them?

I know I went about it the wrong way, but I just wanted my dad to be proud of me.

I love you Calliope. Please, call me. We can work this out.

A x

###

Dearest Callie,

So I've been thinking. About us. And I think that maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe we needed to be apart to be sure. To be 100% sure of our feelings, because I am still so sure you are the love of my life Callie. Maybe this is life's way of testing us, to find out the strength of our feelings for each other? I want to believe this, because otherwise what the fuck are we doing here? Are we just wasting our time? I can't think that way, I don't want to. I want you to wake up one day and say 'it's OK Arizona…I understand why you did what you did . I understand how important your dad's approval is to you, I don't like it, but I understand it.

I want you to wake up one day and realise how much I love you and you allow yourself to forgive me because you love me too!

We're meant to be together, Callie. I wholeheartedly believe that. You are my soulmate and I miss you so fucking much.

Call me. I need to hear your voice.

A x

###

Dearest Callie,

I haven't written for a while, but I wanted to let you know that I still think of you. I still wear the necklace. I never take it off. I look at it and it reminds me of you. The way you gently fastened it around my neck before placing your soft lips on my skin. Fuck Callie...I miss your lips. I miss kissing you and holding you and being held by you. You made me feel safe. You made me feel so much braver like anything was possible. Without you, I don't feel as brave.

I don't know what to do. My friends are starting to wonder what is wrong with me, why I have no interest in seeing anyone. The truth is because deep down I still want to believe there is a slim chance for us. Crazy right! Even though I haven't heard from you in six months I still hope we can fix this.

Maybe I'm delusional to think that, but until I hear otherwise a part of me is always going to have that hope.

All my love.

A x

###

Arizona swallowed a lump in her throat as she pictured the envelope full of unopened letters that had arrived at work one day, her hands shaking as she read the note from Callie.

You had your chance, now leave me the hell alone.

Arizona paused and as her eyes locked with Callie's, an uncontrolled sob left her throat. "If you'd opened one, just one Callie...you would have known how much I missed you, how sorry I was for breaking my promise, you would have known why I didn't tell them."

The tsunami of emotions that was flooding Callie right now was just too much. It felt like she was drowning. During the briefing, from the moment she had found out Arizona had benched her for the next phase of the operation, she had come up with all the things she was going to say to the blonde. She was going to give Arizona a piece of her mind. But once again, the blonde had left her floundering. Not knowing how to deal with her.

Six months had passed and it was clear from Callie's words how the brunette felt about her "But you sent the letters back and told me to leave you alone. So at that point, I realised that you didn't care...that you hated me too much and it was over."

"I didn't hate you, Arizona. I lov..." Callie stopped herself mid-sentence. Even though it was probably obvious, she could not say those words. "...I was angry and hurt."

"I know you were, and I hated myself for how I reacted that day, the choices I made. I still do!"

Callie's heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel the bile rising up from her stomach. It was all dawning on her. If she had read the letters….would she have understood? Dammit, that would mean….Would Arizona not have married Tom? Could they have still been together? Her chest seemed to tighten so hard that she could barely breathe.

"I don't….fuck….what am I supposed to do with this information, Arizona?" She had looked at the floor to avoid the look she knew was in Arizona's eyes right now. Her lips were pressed together so hard, it hurt. She shook her head, a look of disgust on her face as she slowly looked up, meeting Arizona's pained gaze. "It's...too much...for me..I..."

No matter how strong she was. No matter how much shit she had been dealt with and gone through, she was not strong enough to deal with this right now. Her whole body was screaming for her to leave. All she knew right now was that she had to get out of here. She needed to breathe.

Callie couldn't finish her sentence, instead, she turned on her heels and left the room. But not before she heard a strangled sob leaving Arizona's throat.