A/N: Babyjamo and I were so excited about this chapter that we could not wait another week before posting it. Alright, to be honest, I actually talked her into being so excited about it ;-)

The next update won't be until the regular time! Thank you all for your support and kind reviews, we are glad you like this story!

Chapter 14: The River

Callie's injuries from the fall prevented her from going too far, but she had to get away from Arizona. Her mind was spinning out of control and she needed some time to think, to absorb what the blonde had just told her.

She had spent the past six years believing that it was because Arizona didn't want to be with her, that she had not been good enough for Arizona. She had hated the blonde for abandoning her that day, for humiliating her by pretending to have a boyfriend. As Callie sat down on a bench near the river she thought back to that graduation day. A day that she normally never allowed herself to think of, but now the memory was so fresh in her mind, it was as if it was yesterday. Even now she could feel the pain she felt that day.

Arizona had completely captured her heart. From the moment the blonde had accepted her hug on the first day they met, Callie had been a goner. There was something about Arizona that turned Callie into a teenage boy, teasing her relentlessly to get the blonde's attention. And as silly as it sounded, it had worked. Boy, how it had worked. From that day by the river when Arizona had admitted to having feelings for Callie, from the moment they had shared their first kiss, the blonde had her wrapped around her little finger. And not just because she was so stunningly beautiful, but Arizona had shown during their time together that she also had the kindest and most caring heart. The blonde had had a way of deluging Callie with her love and warmth, making her feel like she was being wrapped up in a warm and protective blanket.

With Arizona, Callie had lowered her defenses, allowing herself to be vulnerable. She had bared her soul to Arizona and it had been all-encompassing. Callie snickered as her mind drifted off to the first time they had had sex. Apart from it being totally hot, it had changed Callie's life.

Virginia, 2013

Arizona's head collided with the pillow beneath her as she moaned out loud. The amount of pleasure she felt was unlike anything she had felt before. Yes, it was a cliché, but she could not think of anything else to explain what she was feeling right now. She forced herself to open her eyes and looked down at her hands, her fingers tangled in Callie's soft, raven hair, settled neatly in between Arizona's legs. She was having sex with a woman. And while she was not super experienced when it came to sex, it was the best sex she had ever had and it was clear that Callie was a phenomenal lover.

The brunette had ghosted her fingers over and licked and kissed pretty much every inch of Arizona's body before even going for the main course. She had taken her time, making sure Arizona felt comfortable every step of the way and it was paying off. Callie's tongue hit another sweet spot and Arizona's hips involuntarily bucked into her girlfriend's face. "Oh yes, Callie, right there," she whimpered, her voice hoarse. Her words were followed by a few strangled moans as her hands tugged at her lover's hair.

Callie paused for a moment and looked up at Arizona. The blonde lying there, writhing beneath her was a sight that was hard to describe. She forced herself to drink it in and imprint this vision on her brain to never ever forget. "Arizona, baby, you can let go," she said gently before placing a gentle kiss on the blonde's abdomen. "I've got you."

She ran her tongue through Arizona's hot, moist sex before sucking her clit into her mouth again, gently but firmly teasing the bud like she had been doing. From experience in general, she could tell that Arizona was close, but for some reason, the blonde had not let go yet. She figured it was first time nerves or whatever was going on in Arizona's head. It was as if Arizona needed to hear those words because as soon as Callie slipped two fingers inside her and started gently moving them, her whole body tensed as her orgasm crashed over her.

Callie felt tears stinging in her eyes, completely overwhelmed by what had just transpired. Seeing and feeling Arizona topple over the edge had stirred something inside her that had never been touched before. It had been so beautiful and satisfying to see, hear and feel that she had been close to having an orgasm herself. And that had never happened before. She did not want to let go of that feeling, so while she carefully watched Arizona ride out her orgasm and come down from the high, she did not remove her fingers. This was their first time having sex and already she knew she was addicted.

When Arizona opened her eyes, Callie flashed her a megawatt smile. "Hey there," she said while her smile turned into a cocky grin. Her eyes were still dark with desire and she bit her lip before leaning forward and placing sweet, loving kisses all over Arizona's abdomen. When she felt the blonde's body react, she slowly started moving her fingers again. She slowly pulled them out before just as slowly pushing them all the way back into Arizona's hot centre.

"Callie….I can't….," Arizona's incoherent words were cut off by a moan as her hips started moving in time with Callie's thrusts. 'Okay,' she thought, 'maybe I can'.

Amped up by the way Arizona's body reacted, Callie picked up the pace. She moved up the bed and pressed her body against the blonde's, hungrily leaning in to kiss her lover's swollen lips. "God, you are so fucking sexy," Callie growled against Arizona's lips. "You feel so, so good."

"God, Callie," Arizona groaned out as her hips frantically moved against Callie's hand. The brunette's thumb flicking against her super sensitive clit in between thrusts. Now she had let go once, it did not take her long to reach her second orgasm. She closed her eyes and grabbed onto the bedsheets as her whole body seemed to be activated all at once. It felt like electricity was shooting through her and she could feel it everywhere, from the tips of her toes to the ends of her hair and back.

When she could not take any more, her hand grabbed onto Callie's arm, trying to still her lover's movements. It was not painful, but it was too much. If Callie did not stop right now, she felt like she might die of pleasure. Was that even a thing?

Once she came down from her second high and she managed to collect her thoughts again, panic started to set in. Holy shit, she had just had sex with a woman. Callie had given her earth-shattering orgasms and she was going to have to return the favour. Not that she did not want to, on the contrary, Arizona wanted nothing more than to make Callie feel just as good. But she was afraid she would not measure up. Callie had been with women before. Callie was obviously experienced and good at this. Arizona had no idea what she was doing.

Her eyes shot open and she gazed into Callie's eyes. The brunette gently cupped her cheek and rubbed her thumb over the hot, flushed skin there. "Relax, baby," she whispered before leaning in to press a gentle kiss on Arizona's lips.

The kiss might have been gentle, but Arizona could feel the emotions Callie was pouring into it. She had never felt closer to someone in her life than right at this moment. She felt so incredibly safe and loved. Yes, she felt loved. Even though they had not exchanged those words yet, she could feel it. Callie did not need to say it because, with every look, every touch and every kiss she had conveyed the way she felt and Arizona heard her, loud and clear.

Even though she felt nervous and her heart was almost pounding out of her ribcage, she felt encouraged by the warmth and love emanating from her girlfriend. She had been scared for a while and Callie had been so incredibly patient with her. For the past few weeks, they had been making out like horny teenagers and Arizona had gotten bolder and more secure every time. The first time she felt Callie's breasts, she had watched in awe how her girlfriend's body reacted to just a simple flick of her fingers. And right now, she wanted to see that again. She wanted to see how far she could go and she wanted nothing more than to make Callie scream out her name.

She quickly got rid of Callie's top and bra and latched onto her already hard nipples. Twirling her tongue around and alternating between gentle licks and rough nips. Callie had been pretty vocal and clear about what she wanted, but right now, she was encouraging Arizona even more with her inability to form a string of words. The blonde grinned against her lover's hot skin as she heard her whimper in pure anticipation.

Arizona slowly made a trail of open-mouthed kisses down towards Callie's abdomen. She dipped her tongue in her lover's belly button, eliciting a low, throaty moan. In her position, she could smell Callie's arousal and it was intoxicating. The fact that she, Arizona Robbins, had done that, made her feel on top of the world. She could do this. Arizona slithered up Callie's body, leaving sloppy kisses on her way up before kissing Callie hard again, thrusting her tongue into the other woman's mouth.

Callie wrapped her arms around Arizona and pulled her closer. The blonde rolled her hips, causing their cores to rub against each other. Callie leaned back from the kiss and gazed into Arizona's eyes. "Baby," she whispered. She could feel Arizona's nerves, even through the layers and layers of arousal and she needed the blonde to know it was ok. Even now, when all she wanted was for Arizona to just take her, she felt the strong need to protect Arizona. To soothe her and make her feel good about herself. And she knew exactly why that was. Because that was exactly what Arizona did to her.

She had had sex before. With both men and women. But she had never felt as desired, as sexy and as beautiful as she did right now, with Arizona. The way the blonde looked at her, touched her, kissed her….it was everything. She felt the blonde's hand slowly trail down to where she wanted it the most, but she could also feel Arizona's hand was trembling. "Arizona," she said gently. "If you're not ready, it's ok."

Arizona's head shot up and she gazed at Callie with determination in her eyes. "No, Callie," she half said, half panted. "I want this…I want you." To prove her point, she closed the distance between them and kissed her again, hard. This time her hand did connect with its target and her fingers gently slid through the wetness between Callie's legs. Even though this was her first time touching another woman, it felt very familiar. And God, Callie's heat and wetness were such a turn on! Arizona closed her eyes as she tried to focus on the feel of her girlfriend. She rested her forehead against Callie's, biting her lip as she completely focused on gauging her lover's reactions. Her fingers slowly but steadily moved up towards Callie's clit, teasingly circling before gently flicking it.

"Fuck, Arizona," Callie moaned as she bucked her hips against the blonde's hand. She was trying her best to stay focused, to not lose herself too much. The last thing she wanted to do was scare Arizona off. "Just like that," she added when Arizona found a rhythm she particularly liked. She bit her lip and moved her hips in time with the blonde's hand, trying to hold on for dear life. She needed to stay composed, to not let go as completely as Arizona had just done. She could not do that right now.

"Callie," Arizona whispered. "Open your eyes," she commanded. Her movements were becoming more steady as she started feeling more and more confident. When Callie complied and caught her gaze, Arizona slipped two fingers inside her. "You told me to let go," she said gently. "Now it's your turn."

She had not expected Callie's reaction at all and it was so hot. The brunette threw her head back and mumbled in Spanish in between moans that were getting louder and louder. Arizona reveled in the feeling of being so close to Callie, to feel her warm, slick heat around her fingers. "That's it, beautiful, let go." Arizona quickly found a pace and used her own body as leverage to push deep inside Callie. She wanted, no, needed to feel her. The way Callie reacted, the way she looked right now was magical and Arizona knew she would never get enough of seeing Callie like this.

"Oh, Jesus, ooooh…ffffff," Callie bit her lip to stop a waterfall of swear words from cascading from her lips. But she could not stop herself when Arizona curled her fingers inside of her. "Fuckkkk." She had been so incredibly turned on that she could already feel her orgasm building up. It felt like her insides were lava that was heating up more and more, bubbling, waiting to erupt.

She forced her eyes open to look at Arizona. Even in the heat of the moment, she felt the need to check up on her lover. The blonde had her bottom lip between her teeth and was staring right back at her, extremely focused. What Callie saw in Arizona's eyes made even more warmth spread over her body. That look of adoration, of want, of pure lust, that was all for her and it made Callie feel like she was the only woman in the world for Arizona. It was a feeling she was not familiar with, something that scared her as much as it excited her.

"Callie," Arizona panted. "I….," but before she could finish her sentence, Callie's body tensed up and the brunette let out a long, guttural moan as her orgasm washed over her. Right at that moment, it felt as if time stood still and all Arizona could see was Callie. "You are exquisite," she spoke gently as she let her lover ride out her orgasm. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen," she added, speaking from the heart. "Calliope, you…..," she paused and waited for Callie to open her eyes as Arizona's fingers stilled. "You are outstanding," she continued when their eyes met. "And I love you."

Callie was completely lost in the feel of what Arizona was doing to her. Her orgasm ripped through her and she could have sworn she saw stars before her eyes shut tight and she moaned out. Arizona's words were beautiful and sweet and like honey. Everything about Arizona was like honey and she could not believe this miraculous woman was into her. Her eyes shot open when she heard Arizona saying the l-word. Had she heard that right?

Arizona must have caught on because her lips curled into a bright smile, dimples popping. "I love you, Calliope Torres," she repeated with a slight nod as if trying to say 'yes, you heard me right.' She still had her fingers inside Callie, but she did not want to move. She could still feel her girlfriend's walls contracting around her fingers and it was such a great feeling, she was not ready to let go yet.

Since they had to pretend to just be friends during the day, she spent pretty much the whole day longing to be closer to Callie. And this was the closest she could get. It was everything.

Callie was silent and stared at Arizona. Her look was inquisitive, almost like a child learning about something new for the first time. When Arizona saw a tear slipping out and running down her girlfriend's cheek, she slowly removed her fingers and used her other hand to cup Callie's cheek, gently wiping the tear. "What's wrong, baby?"

The dark-haired woman shook her head as she bit her lip, trying to stop more tears from falling. "N-nothing is wrong….I….," she paused as a quiet sob left her throat. The last thing she wanted to do now was cry, but she was feeling this connection with Arizona so deeply right now. It was like their souls literally touched and she could still feel the blonde inside of her. She could feel Arizona's love course through her veins. "I love you, too," she managed to croak out before she started sobbing uncontrollably.

Arizona's heart skipped a few beats at Callie's confession and she wrapped her arms around Callie, pulling her closer as she tried to console the brunette. "It's okay, baby, I've got you," she whispered. "I've got you," she repeated softly as she ran her hand through Callie's hair, trying to soothe her. Tears were threatening to escape her own eyes as she felt her girlfriend's body shake against hers. She was not sure what had caused this breakdown. She was not sure what had just happened between the two of them. What she did know for sure was that this was the most profound moment in her life and she was going to be Callie's rock for as long as the brunette needed it.

When Callie's sobs subsided, she buried her head in the crook of Arizona's neck as her fingers ghosted over her girlfriend's arm and side. "I'm sorry," she whispered. God, she was a mess. A blubbering, slobbering, crying mess. They just had sex for the first time and of course, she had to go and make it unsexy by bawling her eyes out.

"Don't," Arizona whispered into Callie's hair. The scent of her lover's shampoo filling her nostrils, keeping her on her high. "Thank you," she added softly. "You…Callie….you are the most confident, strong, and badass woman I know," she licked her lips and swallowed before continuing. "Letting me see you like this….it…it makes me feel so proud to be your girlfriend, Callie. So, so proud. I'll happily hold you until the end of time if that's what you need."

###

From that day on, she had no longer been afraid to be vulnerable around Arizona and, as much of a contradiction as it was, it had made her that much stronger. She had been the happiest she had ever been and it finally felt okay to just be herself. On the surface, Callie was known for oozing self-confidence, borderline on cocky even, but Arizona had seen through her act. She was confident, yes, but beneath that tough, badass exterior was a scared little girl, desperate to be loved and held. And Arizona had shown her that it was okay to open herself up. That the benefits of making herself vulnerable outweighed the risks. And whenever Callie had felt like a scared little girl, Arizona had been right there to protect her.

Like with most things that were good, it had turned out that her relationship with Arizona had also been too good to be true. At least, that was what she had spent the past six years thinking. It had shocked her that Arizona still seemed to care about her. And finding out the truth after all these years had hit her hard.

'If you'd opened one, just one Callie…'

Arizona's words echoed in her mind and she had to physically shake her head to get that thought out. No, she had been right to not read those letters, that had been her call. There was no way she needed to feel guilty about this. But God….if she had opened just one….would they still be together now? The mere thought was making her head spin. It was crazy to think that such a mundane act as reading a letter could have changed the course of her whole thought was so overwhelming. For the past six years, she had thought one thing about the blonde, but now, now she knew the truth.

For a moment, she looked up at the overcast sky and briefly thought that if someone was up there, pulling all the strings, they had a sick sense of humour.

Truth was that she had never stopped loving Arizona. No matter how much the blonde had hurt her, no matter how long it had taken her to collect all the pieces and glue herself back together, there was still a big piece of her heart that belonged to Arizona. And that had become blatantly obvious over the course of the past few weeks. She had felt herself change from the confident womanizer she had become over the years back into the scared, vulnerable little girl. At least the last time around, she had been ready to be open, she had willingly let Arizona break down her walls. Right now, it was against her will. She had tried her hardest, but no matter how much she resisted, kicked, and screamed, Arizona was breaking through again. And Callie was lashing out at her every step of the way.

She knew she was being a big baby, but what was she supposed to do? Her survival instincts had kicked in the minute she had walked into the boardroom back in Langley, and there had been no other option than to keep Arizona at arms' length, no matter how much that task was doomed to fail. And then Arizona had to go and be all honest and vulnerable in front of her! Looking at her like that. Pleading with her and telling her all the things she had longed to hear all those years ago. Fuck, it was unfair!

###

Arizona knew she couldn't allow her emotions to get the better of her but she was still processing what had just happened with Callie. She had explained all about her dad's illness and why she had gone back on her promise and Callie had run. Literally! As hard as she tried to focus on work, she just couldn't stop thinking about the brunette and what she might be thinking now that she knew the truth. Seeing Callie again after all the years had totally got to Arizona. She had on more than one occasion imagined kissing Callie's perfect lips, wrapping her hands into those thick locks and pulling the Latina as close as they could possibly get. Arizona had tried to push the feelings away for the sake of her job, but when she was alone at night it was all she thought of, but what was Callie feeling?

The blonde started questioning herself, had she been imagining the looks the FBI agent had been giving her since the moment she stepped into the briefing room at Langley. The scenes and moments they had spent together passed through Arizona's mind like a movie trailer. From the flight over when Arizona had spotted the brunette checking her out, to the way she had noticed and commented on the necklace, to the way it felt when Callie had squeezed her hand...was there still a chance? "Your eyes are much prettier when you are not angry". Arizona felt like a teenager again questioning what it all meant. Was Callie having similar reactions to being around her as she was to being around the brunette? Arizona scolded herself for being so stupid. The woman had just fallen down a flight of stairs, she didn't know what she was saying. Or did she?

They had spent the last couple of weeks avoiding the huge elephant in the room, but now it was all out in the open, and Arizona was still none the wiser as to how the brunette was feeling, aside from angry. Incredibly angry. Every time the blonde felt like Callie was softening towards her, she would pull back and the walls would appear again. Walls so high, she wasn't sure she would ever get past them.

After about half an hour in front of her laptop staring at the words she had typed, she groaned and realised she was achieving nothing slowly. She needed to do something. She got up, her chair sliding backward loudly at the force of her movement. Arizona moved over to the large balcony doors and opened them. The warm spring breeze made the loose strands of hair flutter and the warm rays of the sun caressed her face, helping her release some of the tension she felt. She took a few steps onto the balcony and leaned onto the railing, looking out over the city of Seville.

Arizona's mind drifted back to that fateful day when she had found out the awful news about her dad's cancer and when she had messed everything up.

Virginia, 2013

Arizona's mind was all over the place. The news of her dad's cancer had sent her into a tailspin as she fought back the tears whilst she watched her dad as he slowly exited the washrooms. She could now see the pain he was in etched all over his face as he tried to pretend everything was OK.

Arizona linked arms with her dad and mum and thanked them both for coming and for all their support.

"You know I wanted you to join the Marines," Daniel said softly to his daughter.

"I know dad," Arizona responded with a soft smile.

"But as always, you did things your way, Arizona and I have never been prouder of you for that. You are a remarkable young woman and I know you will be an outstanding Agent."

Arizona felt a lump form in her throat at her dad's words as the daughter and father exchanged a look that said it all. They weren't a family who told each other they loved them, they kept their feelings deep inside, so to hear those words meant everything to the blonde.

Arizona knew if she tried to speak she would cry and so she just squeezed her father's arm tightly instead as they made their way across the parade ground.

Her heart had stopped when she spotted Callie rushing over to join her and her parents and in that split second, she knew she couldn't go through with it. She wanted to be the best daughter for her dad and didn't want to disappoint him. She would explain everything to Callie once the ceremony was over. She was sure Callie would understand.

"Darling….which one of these fine gentlemen is your boyfriend Tom?" Barbara had asked

Fuck! She had all but forgotten all about the lie she told her mom to get her off her back, but now it had come back to haunt her. Arizona was freaking out and looked over at Callie and saw those brown eyes fade in front of her. Arizona watched as Callie clicked what was happening but was speechless. She stood by and watched as the colour drained from the brunette's face before she made some excuse and ran to the washroom. Arizona was about to follow her so she could explain when the head of the training programme came over and introduced himself to Arizona's parents. As the blonde stood there half-listening to the conversation that was going on around her, her eyes remained firmly fixed on the building where Callie had vanished moments earlier. She just needed to give Callie a sign, to let her know that whilst she hadn't told her parents as she had planned, she was going to, just not that day.

Arizona spotted Callie coming out of the restrooms, her eyes hopeful as she tried to make contact with the brunette. But the Latina avoided everyone's gaze by staring at the ground as she made a beeline for her seat. Callie looked beautiful in her pinstripe pantsuit and Arizona unconsciously licked her lips as she watched her girlfriend's hips sway. Just before Callie sat down, their eyes connected for a moment. The dark brown that usually was so full of life and made Arizona want to stare into forever was now hollow and had lost its shine. The look on Callie's face was like a punch to the gut to Arizona. It killed her to know she had caused the pain that emanated from her girlfriend. Arizona tried to convey what she wanted to say in her look, but it seemed like her message was not getting through to Callie. The brunette turned away and engulfed herself in the graduation booklet. Arizona bit her lip to bite back the tears that she felt pooling in her eyes. This day was supposed to be good and fun, it was supposed to be their day. And now…..well, this was probably what hell felt like.

After the ceremony, the blonde had asked their classmates if they had seen Callie, but none of them had and the brunette wasn't answering her calls. Little did Arizona know that that look she had gotten earlier from the Latina, would be the last thing she would see of Calliope Torres.

###

Arizona's thoughts were disturbed by a knock on the patio door. When she turned, she saw Lexie Grey standing there waiting for an invitation to enter. Arizona nodded and watched as the young Officer held out a piece of paper.

Lexie was not sure if she was doing the right thing, she had been weighing it up for the past twenty minutes. But as she observed Officer Robbins standing on the balcony, her shoulders slumped as if she was carrying the weight of the world on them, she had decided she had to do something about it. She didn't have Abu's location, but she did have something else that Arizona needed.

"What's this?" Arizona asked, confused as she looked down at the outstretched hand. Grey's body language seemed hesitant, which was unusual for the normally confident IT Wizz.

"Agent Torres' location," Lexie said nervously as she held her boss's gaze.

Arizona opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She remembered how Lexie had added the brunette's relationship status to Callie's report she had prepared and realised that she knew about their past.

"Lexie..I.." Arizona started to speak to explain, but she was interrupted.

"It's OK, Boss. Your secret is safe with me, but if you don't go soon, she might not be there anymore."

Arizona took a moment to absorb Lexie's words. She had opened up to Callie, told her exactly how she had been feeling, how she had felt over the past six years and the brunette had literally ran out the door. Why on earth would Callie want to see her?

What more could Arizona say? And then it clicked. Arizona had done enough talking, she had done it all, and yet Callie had said nothing at all in return. Six years ago Arizona had made a mistake that she had tried to fix by writing 12 stupid letters. Maybe if she had had the courage to face Callie back then, she could have saved them, could have persuaded the brunette to forgive her if she had known the whole story.

Arizona looked up at Lexie with watery eyes, as she realised the young woman was right. Arizona needed to find Callie and she needed to get her to talk. To tell her how she was feeling. If Callie turned around and said she didn't feel anything for the blonde anymore, then so be it, at least she would have told her how she felt and she would have an answer. Last time around she had not fought hard enough. She was not going to make the same mistake again and so she thankfully accepted the piece of paper and promptly ran out of the apartment.

Vega de Triana Park, Guadalquivir, Seville, Spain

When Arizona spotted the back of the brunette on a bench by the river bank, her feeling of relief that Callie was still there was instantly replaced by nervousness. As Arizona approached Callie she took two slow deep breaths to control her breathing and tried to squash the butterflies that were fluttering away in the pit of her stomach. When she reached the bench she stopped and looked down at Callie.

"Hey," she said softly as she gauged the brunette's body language in an attempt to anticipate what kind of response she was going to get. Much to Arizona's relief, a small smile formed on the Latina's face as she looked up at the blonde. "Hey, you."

"Mind if I join you?" Arizona asked, still cautious of the brunette's reaction to her.

"Sure," Callie shrugged as she shuffled over on the bench to make room, wincing as she did so, her body reminded her of her fall earlier.

"Are you in pain?" Arizona asked with genuine concern in her voice.

"No...well, yes," Callie admitted. "But I'll be fine," she said, looking at Arizona properly for the first time. Callie paused before speaking. "I am sorry about your dad Arizona," Callie said softly, "I know how much he meant to you."

"Thanks," came the reply. Arizona had instantly regretted her decision to break her promise and had watched in agony as Callie had gone through the motions of the graduation day alone. The photo of the class that day acted as a permanent reminder of the pain she had caused the woman she loved. And she really did love Callie, but she also loved her dad. That day she had chosen her dad over Callie and she had been kicking herself for it ever since.

Arizona opened her mouth to speak but was beaten to it by the brunette. "Do you remember that holiday we had planned?" Callie asked, turning towards the blonde, "you know after graduation day?"

Arizona raised her eyebrows in surprise at the question about something she hadn't thought about for a long time. "Sure," she replied with a tone of sadness in her voice. They had spent weeks planning a trip around Europe, after finishing training. It was their summer of freedom before they had to return to Langley and pull on their work suits when their CIA contracts started. Callie's mouth turned into a small smile as she started speaking again, "remember how we had a list of about 30 places we wanted to visit and spent days arguing the case for places we wanted on the list?"

Arizona nodded, "you wanted Seville," the blonde said slowly as a memory came back to two of them in their room discussing Seville or Barcelona.

"I did. I pictured the flamenco dancers in the square at night, us sitting under a tree covered with oranges, sipping sangria...I knew it would be magical," Callie said, turning back to look at the river and the colourful houses on the other side of the bank.

"We ended up going with Barcelona because I wanted to visit the soccer stadium, you….umm you gave me Barcelona." Arizona was tempted to take Callie's hand in hers but refrained from it. The fact they were talking was already a feat, she did not want to jinx it by being too greedy.

Callie turned and nodded, "only because you gave me Amsterdam!"

Arizona laughed, "Shiit, Amsterdam. You wanted to spend the weekend stoned while we still could before we had to pretend to be responsible grownups!"

"Hey!" Callie complained, mock offended. "It wasn't all about the weed, I wanted to go to see the culture as well!"

Arizona smiled to herself as she thoughtfully recited the list of cities they had intended to visit, "Paris, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Rome, and…." she paused, smiled, and looked at Callie with a glint in her eye.

Callie chuckled softly before taking the bait and finishing the sentence, "top of the morning to you... Dublin!" in possibly the worst Irish accent the world had ever heard, before the two of them started giggling.

"Oh my God, Callie...it's still so bad!" Arizona said, laughing harder as she wiped a tear away from her eye. The lightness of the conversation was a much-needed release from the heavy tension they had existed in since their paths had crossed again.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, both of them staring out in front of them, watching the boats full of excited tourists go up and down the river. Arizona took the time to study Callie from where she sat. The brunette looked so different from when they first met. Yes, physically she looked the same, but her face, her eyes, they were different. It was like there was a hole in Callie's soul and Arizona could see it on the other woman's face. The realisation that she had been the one to cause that hit her hard. It was almost like someone had kicked her in the stomach. She needed to fix this. Even if they were never going to be together again, or even never going to be friends, she needed to fix it.

Arizona closed her eyes and took a deep breath before asking a question that had haunted her for years.

"Did you…," Arizona paused and checked her emotions before continuing, "..miss me...at all?" She paused and attempted to swallow the lump the size of a golf ball that had appeared in her throat, "you know... after we broke up."

Callie slowly turned to look over at the blonde and felt a wave of sadness as she saw the pain in those blue eyes, "of course," she replied softly as she attempted to control her own emotions.

"Just not enough... to read my letters?" Arizona tilted her head, gazing at Callie intensely. If Callie still cared so much, Arizona really needed to know why she had not read the letters.

The FBI agent was quiet for a moment and bit her lip. She obviously needed a moment to gather her thoughts and calm the emotions raging through her. She had hobbled off to the park to get some relief from the tense situation and now she found herself smack dab in the middle of it once again.

She had two choices here. She could shut this down, end the conversation and things would probably go back to how they were. But was that even really an option given the difficulties she was obviously having dealing with having Arizona back in her life even though it was just on a professional level. Her other option was to be honest and open up to Arizona. After a few seconds, she knew she only really had one road to go down, the vulnerable scary one. It was the only choice.

"I couldn't," Callie said after what felt like the longest pause to Arizona. "When I came out to my parents, they made it very clear that I was no longer good enough to be a Torres….," she paused and fought back the tears that threatened to escape her eyes. She had vowed to herself years ago that she had shed her last tears for her parents. "And then….well….then on graduation day when you picked the safe route over us, you made it very clear I was not good enough for you. I got the hint on graduation day, I did not need to read about how I wasn't good enough to fit in your perfect life plan."

Arizona swallowed as she tried to keep her emotions under control. She had explained why she had not told her parents and it was frustrating that the brunette was still clearly choosing to believe her version of why Arizona had broken her promise. "But Callie...that just wasn't the case," she whispered.

"Arizona, what the fuck did you expect me to do?" Callie felt tears start to form in her eyes. It stung to see Arizona play the victim here. It had been her actions that got them to where they were now.

"I know..I know..I'm so sorry for how much I hurt you," Arizona said, reaching down and taking Callie's hand in hers. The brunette tried to shrug the blonde's hand off hers, but Arizona held on firmly. Callie looked down at the hand wrapped around hers and she felt her walls start to fall, along with a single tear.

"Why did you marry Tom?" Callie asked, suddenly needing to hear the reasoning behind why she had married their classmate. Not going through with telling her parents was one thing, but Arizona had gone and married Tom. If she had really loved Callie like she had said, why had she married Tom?

Arizona's face crumbled at the question "Callie, I waited. I waited six months for you. I hoped with all my heart that you would get in touch and we would be able to talk and sort things out. It was all I thought about. I was so in love with you, but I was in this incredibly difficult position where I needed to be there for my mom and dad. I didn't want to admit it was over, I kept writing letter after letter and I kept telling myself that there was still a chance you would forgive me, but then when I got your note asking me to leave you alone...well I guess I had to accept you had moved on." Arizona paused to take a deep breath to steady herself. Her heart was pounding and Callie's hand in hers felt like it was burning through her skin. Her body was reacting to the slightest contact with Callie's perfect, soft, smooth skin and she could feel herself being pulled back in.

Arizona had over the years she had been married to Tom questioned her decision regularly. He had been the steady option and she had known that getting married would make my dad happy. "I thought it was over between us, Callie, so I forced myself to move on. It was hard, so very hard, but I knew Tom liked me and so one day I told myself that enough was enough and so I went on a date with him. We were already friends and so it was easy and with my dad's cancer and the new job, I needed easy." Arizona had known it was a bad idea to get married so quickly "I…I was devastated and he was there for me. He never knew I was grieving for two people, but he supported me nonetheless."

Things with Tom were fine, but he had never swept Arizona off her feet as Callie had. She knew Tom was a solid choice, someone she could rely on. And with everything going on, with the knowledge that she had lost her big love and was going to lose her father, she had needed something stable, someone to lean on.

"My dad was able to walk me down the aisle despite being in a lot of pain, but he deteriorated pretty quickly after...like it had been the only thing keeping him going. He passed away two weeks after the wedding." Even though she was still forcing her tears down, a lone tear rolled down her cheek. "I...I never meant to make you feel like I left you behind just like that. I never wanted to do that, Callie. You have to know that I would never have married Tom if I had felt there was still a chance with us. Never!" Arizona held the brunette's gaze to make sure Callie had understood that. Yes, she had married Tom quickly, but only because Callie had made it clear through her silence that they were over.

"You nearly broke me," Callie said softly, breaking their gaze and looking down at their intertwined hands. Arizona's hand in hers felt so comforting and safe, she couldn't hold back anymore. Certainly not with Arizona laying it all out for her. The blonde's vulnerability was tugging at her heartstrings, threatening to undo all the stitches she had needed to fix her heart after losing Arizona. "I...I..felt so alone Arizona...I had lost everything...I lost you, I lost my family...I lost a part of me," tears were now steadily falling down the brunette's cheeks as she finally started to admit how she had felt

Arizona gently placed a hand on Callie's swollen cheek and closed her own eyes for a moment in an attempt to stop her own flow of tears that were fighting to get out. It killed her to hear how much pain she had caused Callie, to see her so upset.

By now, the sun had set and the river and park around them were dark. The streetlights and the dim moonlight, trying to shine through the veil of thin clouds were the only things lighting their spot. The park was pretty much deserted, apart from a lone Spaniard walking their dog.

Unable to fight it anymore, Callie gave in and placed her head on Arizona's shoulder and let the tears pour out of her. Tears that she had bottled up for so many years. The blonde just held her gently, not speaking a word, she just held her. She had once promised to hold Callie until the end of time if she needed that, and it felt like that time was now.

When Callie had no more tears left in her she slowly lifted her head and stared into those blue eyes. Blue eyes that were once again warm, blue as the most perfect calm sea, blue eyes that she had missed all these years.

"Sorry," Callie croaked. "I think I've umm ruined your top," she said, slightly embarrassed at how upset she had been and at the wet patch and mascara smudges she had left on the blonde's shirt.

"Don't, Callie," Arizona said softly. She gently cupped the other woman's cheek, slightly amazed that Callie did not recoil from the contact. She swallowed hard and gently wiped away some of the wetness and mascara stains with her thumb. "I am the one that is sorry."

For a moment, they just gazed at each other, but as soon as Callie's thoughts caught up with her, the spell was broken. "Fuck," the brunette groaned, "see this is why I don't do relationships anymore." She leaned back, breaking the contact with Arizona's hand, and wiped her eyes, trying to regain some form of composure.

Arizona considered Callie's words "Was there no one else?" she asked.

The FBI Agent scoffed, "you're kidding right?"

Arizona looked back but didn't speak. She was not really sure what Callie meant. Was she not meant to ask? Had there been hundreds of women? It was hard to believe that no one had gotten so lucky to be close to Callie. Arizona was sure Callie had women and men alike lining up for her.

"I spent a solid week crying and then I made a vow to never allow myself to fall for someone who could make me feel that way again." Callie took a deep breath and puffed out her cheeks, "the longest relationship I've ever had is with Mark Sloan." She said with a small chuckle and a shake of her head.

"But there must have been opportunities?" Arizona knew she was fishing for information on the brunette, but she couldn't help herself. She had often pictured how Callie's life had played out if she was happy with someone. And obviously, she was not blind. She knew Callie had hooked up here in Spain. The fact that the brunette had done so on assignment only proved to Arizona that she had probably done that back home as well. She was pretty sure Callie was the female version of Mark Sloan.

"There has been" Callie admitted before continuing "but whenever I noticed someone was developing feelings for me, I ran. I chose to live my life in a way where I was always in complete control. I simply did not hang around long enough." Saying it out loud made Callie feel like a pathetic excuse for a human being. It was true she had never been hurt again, she had always been the one hurting the other person. But, in hindsight, she had also been lonely. Deep down she had been so incredibly lonely and she longed for that feeling she had experienced with Arizona. Longed to have felt like the most important thing in the world to someone again.

"Callie, I am so…deeply sorry," Arizona said softly. "There are no words to convey how sorry I am for what happened. For doing what I did, for handling things the way I did." She paused and bit her lip. "I'm not that girl anymore, Callie. I was young and naive and under tremendous pressure."

A shiver went down Callie's spine upon hearing Arizona's words, and she knew the blonde had no idea how much she wanted to forgive her. But she simply was not sure if she was ready to do so. Forgiving Arizona was not just a case of putting their past behind them, it was the key that would open a whole new Pandora's box of possibilities and feelings. Was she ready to do that? Was she even capable of doing that?

"Are you cold?" Arizona asked after noticing the shiver.

Callie nodded. "A bit and my painkillers are wearing off." the brunette admitted as she realised she was running on empty. It had been a hell of a day and she was spent.

Arizona cursed under her breath. She had momentarily forgotten about Callie's physical state and realised that the brunette was exhausted physically and emotionally. "Come on, let's go and get you back to the apartment and into bed. You need to rest, Calliope."

There was a moment of silence and Arizona was expecting Callie to tell her off for using her full name, but to her surprise, those words did not come. Arizona felt like it was a huge win. She almost jumped off the bench and held out her hand to help Callie get up. She knew she was trying her luck here, but she also knew the brunette needed help.

Callie flashed Arizona a small, forced smile before taking her hand. She groaned as she got up, stiff and sore from sitting in the same position for too long. "Whoa," she said softly as she felt the world spin as the blood drained from her face.

Arizona caught on quickly and grabbed hold of both Callie's wrists to steady her. "I've got you," she said gently. Once Callie regained her footing, Arizona motioned for Callie to link her arm with hers so she could support the brunette while they walked back to the apartment. To her surprise, Callie still did not protest and just followed her lead. Was this a step towards forgiveness or was Callie simply too exhausted to fight her?

They slowly walked back in silence, both women trying to process what had happened between them today. When Callie lost her balance for a moment because of the uneven cobblestone street, Arizona wrapped her arm around the taller woman's waist, holding her up before she could fall. It felt natural and Arizona felt oddly at peace with having Callie so close.

"Thanks," Callie flashed Arizona a small smile.

Arizona was tempted to tease Callie about being angry about being benched while she could barely walk, but refrained from it. The scales finally seemed to tip back into her favour and she did not want to mess that up. Calliope Torres was the kind of person you would rather have as an ally than an enemy.

The blonde did not move her arm from Callie's waist until they reached the front door of the apartment she shared with Mark. "Are you..ah…," suddenly nerves got the better of Arizona. She wanted to help Callie, wanted to take care of her, but she also did not want to cross any boundaries.

"I'm fine, Arizona. Thank you," Callie said, shutting down the possibility of Arizona coming into the apartment with her to help. She needed space and time to process today's events and revelations. And she was afraid that if she let Arizona in now, they would end up doing things neither of them was ready for. The temptation of letting Arizona comfort her was huge, but she could not forget that Arizona had been the reason why she needed comfort right now.

"Goodnight," the brunette said, extracting herself from Arizona's hold and fishing for the key to open the door.

"Goodnight," Arizona replied as she watched the door of the apartment close in her face. She stood there for a moment, her hand coming up and resting against the cool wood of the door. Her body yearned for Callie. Yearned to engulf her into her arms and hold her until everything was better. But she knew she needed to give the FBI agent some space. "Sleep well, Calliope," she whispered before turning on her heels and going back downstairs to her own apartment.