Part 11: Torn
There's Mike with a behaviour that's growing increasingly weird and especially creepy if you know his dark secret. There's Merle, that senses something's very wrong, causing his protective big brother instincts to kick in. Then there's Daryl, restless from weeks of recovery, resulting in him giving Merle a taste of what younger siblings think is their God-given right by testing Merle's patience further. Either way, there's a big storm brewing ahead...
Yay – we got time for doing some writing again! Thanks for all your concern and for continuing to read/review – we really appreciate it! One of us just flew back home yesterday for a holiday but before that I was really busy packing/moving etc.
Reviews are love, give it to us!
'Look...Ain't that we're not grateful for everythin' you've done but...' Merle started nervously when faced with their host who got up to switch the TV off to give him his full attention. Mike slumped back onto the sofa while Merle took his seat in the armchair opposite him. He was trying to relax his tense shoulders while he looked at the older man trying to figure him out without being too obvious. He had to tell him something that wouldn't go down well, but it had to be done. He breathed out slowly through his nose trying to calm himself down, and was actually glad that Mike was the one to break the silence.
'You're right, Merle. I shouldn't have interfered...I was jus' tryin' to protect you –both of you.' He added hastily and glanced pointedly behind the armchair, letting Merle know that they weren't alone.
'Thought I told you to go back to ya room?' He turned around to question his brother a little sharply, raising one eyebrow.
'Oh - let him stay.' Mike waved it off and had straightened up a little when he saw Daryl crouching there to listen with an anxious expression on his face. 'Ain't like we're talkin' about state secrets or nothin'.'
Merle's face softened a bit when he saw how tightly wound up Daryl was. He knew that arguments made his brother anxious, one of the reasons Merle had told him to go upstairs in the first place. He also knew Daryl wouldn't be happy with the harsh home truths he planned to give his precious 'Uncle Mikey'.
Merle looked back at Daryl and finally shrugged his shoulders. If Daryl wanted to listen it wouldn't change anything he planned to say either way, and he soon got back on track again undeterred. 'Fine. I get that ya were doin' what ya thought right, but he's still our dad, not you.'
Daryl hissed at that but they both ignored him.
'I know I can't ever replace blood. I can't stop you leavin' but... ya sure it's safe?' Mike mouthed the last word, clearly not wanting the boy to hear.
'He's sorry, I know he is. Could hear it in his voice.'
But the other man humpfed and raised his eyebrow's sceptically, but said nothing. 'When ya thinkin' of goin'?'
'Tomorrow mornin' or maybe afternoon...depends.'
Mike looked at him and sighed, clearly disappointed at him wanting to leave so soon.
Meanwhile Daryl gasped beside him in surprise - he'd crept nearer without him even noticing. 'Merle, do we have to? I wanna stay.' He whined.
Merle looked at his brother suddenly with tired eyes. He knew this would happen...They were getting too comfortable here and Mike kept on refusing to take a dime from him...But it didn't make it right. Just like he'd said to him, Mike wasn't their father even if sometimes Merle wished that he was. This wasn't their home.
'Daryl...Stay out of this or go back upstairs, ya hear me?' He ordered.
That shut him up but he still looked unhappy.
'We can't stay here forever, free-loading from you. Ain't fair and we gotta face him sometime.' Merle pressed his point home.
'Well, that's up to you, son. Can't say that I won't miss ya about the place.' Mike replied easily. 'Come here, Daryl.'
Merle opened his mouth to protest but closed it again, thinking better of it and watched as the man patted the space next to him on the sofa and Daryl trotted over obediently. When he sat down, the man slung a paternal arm around him. Daryl looked so fucking small beside the big, brawny guy.
'I don't wanna go...Please don't make me...' Daryl looked up at the man entreatingly with his lower lip trembling, refusing to look at his brother.
'I know, Squirrel, I don't want you to go either.' Mike shrugged his shoulders at Merle who looked dumbstruck at the nickname before he turned back to his younger brother. 'But ya big brother's right, you can't stay here with me forever. I'm sorry, son. But you can always come over and visit whenever you need to.'
His tone was quietly resigned, yet if Merle didn't know any better he thought he could see a small smile twisting his lips even though his voice was full of sorrow.
But the only thing echoing in his head was that ridiculous name he called his brother and he blurted it out without a second thought in disbelief, 'Squirrel?'
'Yeah, those curious bright eyes and that brown unruly mop of a hair just reminds me of one. Not the first time I've called him that.' He added with a grin, ruffling said hair.
'First time I heard you...' Merle was careful to keep his voice and face neutral, he didn't know why that bothered him as much as it did. It was just a silly nickname, and his brother didn't seem to mind one bit. To make himself feel a bit better he reminded himself that they would be out of there and away from the guy soon enough.
Watching Daryl snuggle up to the large man so trustingly intensified the alarm bells already ringing in his head and the weird feelings kept roiling in his gut causing him to look away for a split second. But like a moth drawn to the flame, he found he couldn't take his eyes off them longer than that. In fact, it was more instinct that told him that he shouldn't take his eyes off of them.
He shook his head, putting it down to his hangover because Merle knew his brother was a real cuddlebug. When Dad's not hurting him, he was the same with him, he thought sourly to himself. But something about this cute father and son tableau didn't sit right with him and the revelation of that cringe-worthy new nickname only managed to make him feel more uneasy.
'Daryl, come here.' He snapped over at him a little too sharply.
Daryl didn't answer of course, didn't move either. Well, that wasn't quite true – he snuggled further into Mike's side making Merle clench his teeth together.
Meanwhile, their father's best friend smiled up smugly at him and Merle had to hold back the sudden impulse to punch his arrogant face in.
'Daryl!' He snapped at him, louder this time.
'Looks like he wants to stay here with me after all.' Mike crooned with self-satisfaction, now he was stroking one of his brother's bare arms gently and the stubborn little brat was leaning into it just like a poor affection-starved dog would have done down at the pound.
'Don't ya?' The man whispered, and Merle could've sworn Mike tightened his arm around his brother just then. He was getting more creeped out by the minute and consequently found himself uncharacteristically lost for words.
'See?' Mike purred. 'He's happy with me. Do ya have to rush off so quickly - can't ya stay just a few more days?'
Merle could only stare when he never let up caressing his little brother's arm. He wanted to tell Mike to lay off touching Daryl but found that the words wouldn't come out. He was practically choking on them.
Mike lowered his eyes then and for a moment his hand stopped its stroking to rest on Daryl's shoulder. 'Truth is...ya see...since Chrissie left, it's...it's kinda been lonely.' He admitted bashfully and looked just like harmless old Uncle Mike again.
It was true - he knew that his last relationship with Chrissie the buxom blonde Walmart cashier hadn't lasted long but apparently they were still friends. Well, more fuck-buddies occasionally to tell the truth. That was what Mike had implied before when they had their last grown-up talk without Daryl in earshot.
There were the little things that caused Merle to doubt his eyes, not to mention his mind. Mike's need to show Daryl affection he could understand – it was clear that the kid needed it after the brutal battering he'd suffered recently and he'd had been there for them from the start, seen how severely beaten he'd been… It wasn't so weird after all that Mike shouldered the role of a father-figure, somebody had to. He didn't have any kids himself, and he'd become like a second father to the both of them over the years. He had always been someone they could turn to when things got really bad at home.
Still, something told him that it was better to leave sooner rather than later.
'Thanks for everything, Mike – really appreciate it but we've outstayed our welcome and we shouldn't impose any more after all...Better get goin'...Daryl – I said come here!' He ordered him again with even more of a bite this time to let his brother know he meant business, but instead of listening, the little shit kept right on disobeying him.
'You wanna go home right now instead? Why?' Mike's voice was full of disappointment meanwhile his eyes told a different story.
Merle felt like he was going crazy, or he would if he stayed with this man any longer. The constant u-turns in his behavior and the things he said that often didn't match up with what he did would have been confusing on a good day. Never mind one when he'd had a few shots too many the night before. But the fact that Mike continued to have his hands all over his eleven-year old brother like that was too much. Merle couldn't say why but he could sense the pure wrongness of it.
'Shit!' He exclaimed suddenly and clapped his hands to his forehead. 'I forgot there's some stuff I need to help Dad with at home.' Even he had to admit it was shoddy acting and he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth but it was too late to turn back now. Mike would see through the lie straight-away but right then he couldn't think of what else to do. He only knew that he had to get Daryl out of there.
Merle knew he wasn't imagining things when their father's friend tightened his grip on his brother's arm so much when he said this that Daryl winced and let out a small yelp of surprise. That was the final straw and Merle immediately snapped out of the paralysed-like state he'd been in. Without giving it a second thought, he immediately strode over and yanked Daryl away from Mike.
Mike looked up at him in surprise and if Merle's idiot hungover eyes didn't fool him, he also looked slightly hurt: 'Now, why did ya go and do that for?'
'Cos you were fuckin' hurtin' him, that's why!' Merle yelled, keeping a tight grip on his little brother, forgetting the 'no swearing in front of Daryl rule' that their host had insisted on. They didn't have this rule back home and naturally Merle kept forgetting.
Mike's mouth went slack, his expression suddenly unreadable. 'I didn't mean to, ya know I adore you two boys. Jus' a reaction at the thought of ya leaving, I guess.'
He shrugged sheepishly but Merle barely heard him. One sentence clearly stood out and it was the only thing his mind apparently could focus on. "Adore you two boys?" The teenager repeated in his head while he was trying to make out the meaning behind the words, meanwhile Daryl had got over his own shock and was fighting and snarling at him, struggling to get free.
Merle let out a breath of relief he didn't know he'd been holding now that Mike's big hand was no longer stroking Daryl's bare skin. Instead, he was back with him at his side whether Daryl liked it or not.
The older brother's confusion grew, wondering why he was reacting this way, why he felt such relief the instant he'd got him away from the man who'd only showed them kindness since they got there. He didn't have enough time to process all this when Daryl, determined to get out of his brother's grip, lashed out at him without warning with a well-aimed kick to the leg.
'Ouch! Ya little…!'
He cursed.
'Lemme go! I ain't a baby, Merle! I'm tellin' ya it was nothin'!' His brother upped his voice in volume as he continued petulantly; 'I said I wanna stay with Uncle Mikey!' He followed that up by kicking out at him again like a spoilt brat but this time Merle was expecting it and dodged. He'd never acted this way before at home or never fought his big brother like this. Usually whatever Merle said, went.
'Stop it.' Merle shook him like he was an errant puppy.
When he took his eyes off his stubborn brother for a second to look up, Mike had that smugness on his face again that he didn't much care for, meaning he was up to something. Why had he never noticed that about his father's best friend before? How sly and arrogant he was?
'Look, I'm sorry, OK? Didn't mean to hurt little Squirrel over there.' Mike shot off a small smile at Merle who failed to hide his grimace at the name in time. 'And there's no need to rush off.'
Merle sighed, it was obvious Mike wasn't about to give up on trying to persuade them to stay. 'You can see ya brother's happy to stay here a little while longer and I'm sure whatever urgent business that needs takin' care of at home can wait a few more days. Being away from ya dad is doing you good too, even though you're too proud to admit that.'
Merle stubbornly kept to his story, mind set on not giving in to Mike's attempts to persuade him. 'With everything that's been goin' on, it just slipped my mind and if I don't go back, we'll lose money we can't afford to lose. But thanks again for everything but it's about time we went home. I won't forget what ya did for us - letting us stay here… feedin' us…- teaching Dad a lesson, I'm sure he's learnt it now.' Merle remembered his manners just in time while he frowned down at his baby brother who continued to bitch and whine that he didn't want to go home. But at least he'd stopped fighting to get free. No doubt after he realised that he was no match for his determined and totally creeped out big brother.
'No! I ain't goin' back!' Daryl finally screamed. 'And you can't make me!'
'Stop it.' Merle shook him and clamped his hand over his mouth. Now only muffled sounds of protest could be heard in the room.
'Let's hope he's learnt it, huh? And there's no need to thank me.' Mike carried on with his farewell speech and ignored the younger Dixon's outburst. 'Jus' remember that the both of you are always welcome here. Anytime.' Mike replied, watching Daryl's renewed attempts at resistance at this with amusement.
Daryl finally broke free from his brother with one last huge effort. 'Get off me, ya idiot! Said I ain't goin' back to him!' Daryl snarled, looking back wistfully at Mike who was just sitting there, making no move to help calm his brother down. But what pissed Merle off the most was that instead of telling him off for the foul language that came out of the mouth of a boy whose angelic face didn't match them, he sat right where he was, grinning.
'Wanna stay here.' He continued to gaze at the big man longingly but didn't approach him. 'Pleeze, Uncle Mikey. Pleeze…' He wheedled and pouted shamelessly up at the man.
'Now you shut up.' Merle hissed at him, angry at his behavior because Dixons didn't beg...Dixons took what they wanted. He had let him go but he was ready to stop him if he made a run for it – probably back in the big man's arms judging by the puppy-dog looks Daryl was currently giving their 'Uncle'. His big brother knew that he could be as stubborn as an ox if thwarted.
"Get over here." Merle tried his best to soften his tone when he saw Daryl mirror his own look of confusion.
He reluctantly did as he was told, but predictably when Merle tried to turn him around to steer him towards the stairs, he didn't budge.
Meanwhile out of the corner of his eye, Merle could see Mike watching Daryl with amusement and it filled him with fresh anger at the man that he tried his hardest to not take out on his brother. Telling himself that it wasn't Daryl's fault, he was just a kid. Besides, he wasn't sure himself what to make out of any of it, only knowing that he had to get them away, he pushed Daryl determinedly in front of him towards the stairs.
When Daryl refused again to move, Merle dragged him squirming and protesting up them and by the time they reached the top of the stairs he was out of breath with the effort. With a few quick strides they were back in 'their' room and he pushed him onto the bed before he closed the door behind them.
One thing you could say about Daryl was that he had a strong will when he had made up his mind about something.
Merle lost the battle with himself to not let the anger on his face show and this resulted in a flutter of fear crossing Daryl's eyes briefly as he looked up at his older brother, even cowering back from him slightly.
Still, it didn't take long before he straightened himself up and clenched his fists at his side, that signature petulant pout on his face again.
'Said I like it here! There ain't any chores to do and I get to eat ice-cream every day and watch as much TV as I want!'
He stomped his feet stubbornly on the carpet, his fear of the consequences forgotten as his eyes blazed in fury and Merle had to admire his little brother even if he was annoying the crap out of him at the same time.
'Dad's sorry about what he did. He won't say it, but he is, I'm tellin' ya!'
That got him and he was silent for a few moments, mulling this over. Merle could see he was wavering before he started up yet again.
'Yeah, maybe, but I still don't want to go home!'
The fact that he hadn't given up made Merle groan in exhaustion as he gathered some of his own stuff that was sprawled out on the floor. 'Don't care what you want! Ain't important, so start packin'!'
'No! I wanna stay!'
Merle ignored that and grabbed him by the top of his arms and shook him roughly before he shoved him against the wall. 'I said pack ya things, now!'
'NO!' Daryl yelled back defiantly, unintimidated. Even if that look on his face minutes ago had told Merle that he feared that he was going to get punished for his bratty behavior, he was cocky now that he knew for sure his big brother wasn't going to hurt him. That he wasn't going to get hit whatever he said or did. Of course the little shit also knew he was safe after what their Dad did to him a few weeks ago and this combined with the fact that he was still recovering from it made him even more restless and more of a handful than usual, Merle observed sourly to himself. To top it off, Mike had spoilt him rotten and given him anything he'd asked for but Merle planned to correct this after he got him home. Put him back firmly on the straight and narrow and teach him some respect.
'You boys OK up there?' Mike's voice drifted up the stairs, even through the closed door.
'We're fine!' Merle shouted back.
'Pack!' He turned back to order him but drew back when Daryl cringed but still stood his ground.
'Fine.' He shrugged more casually than he felt and packed for him, shoving his stuff carelessly into his bag and then he did the same for himself. 'Don't blame me if ya missin' somethin' when we get back.' He grumbled at him. He was only grateful that Daryl didn't try and run out of the door that he was deliberately partly blocking – he knew how his little brother's mind worked. Merle doubted that he would dare to try his luck when he knew how pissed he was at him.
Thankfully, Daryl just kept himself out of the way and stood in stubborn silence while he watched his brother gather up their meagre belongings which didn't take long. They'd left home in a hurry and neither of them had had that much to begin with.
'Come on.' His older brother growled and grabbed him once more.
Merle got his brother and the two bags down the stairs somehow with Daryl struggling, clinging to the banisters and protesting all the way, calling him all the filthy insults under the sun.
Then they were out of the front door without even stopping to bid a final farewell to their host.
If Merle had been a bit older and more experienced about such things, he might have understood why he didn't want Daryl to spend any more time with Mike. Sure, he'd had a lot of pussy for his age and all kinds at that – he'd started pretty early after all but there was still some things he remained blissfully innocent about.
Most of the time when he got wound-up like this there was a good reason behind it, and he ran on pure instinct. His intuition had never failed him in the past and it had saved him many times from Dad or a fatal stabbing in gang-fights.
His little brother could squirm and fight him as much as he liked but he was no match for him, 16 and almost grown.
'Lemme go!' Daryl cried, frustration and all his shouting and screaming had made his voice hoarse.
'Would ya stop it already, goddamit?!' Merle hissed at him but Daryl didn't listen, not even when Merle opened the car-door and shoved him in. He was clearly on the verge of hysterics and the teenager didn't see any other way out than to shake him again. 'You stop that right now, ya hear?'
'You can't tell me what to do!' The little brat screamed back at him from the passenger-seat.
'I'm older and bigger than you, so yes, I can!'
'Can't! Uncle M-'
Merle cut him off in a hurry and with a growl he slammed the car-door shut and locked it for good measure as he walked around to the driver's side. He didn't put it past the little bastard to run back to Mike the first chance he got but part of him understood why, of course he didn't want to go home. At least here there was no-one beating or whipping him with their belt and he didn't get yelled at for nothing. Or have cigarettes put out on him. The very opposite in fact- here, he was treated like a little prince.
Merle had time to feel the slightest stab of guilt for taking a good home life away from him but it rapidly vanished as soon as the recalled memory of Daryl in Mike's lap clouded his vision.
The man with his big hands all over him, calling him 'Squirrel'... It made him want to vomit -literally- but he didn't dwell on it and managed to gain control of himself.
He was shaken out of this unpleasant reverie by the noise behind him because even though he locked the door from the outside, the brat was trying the other door.
'Don't you dare.' Merle kept his voice calm, but there was steel in it. He knew Daryl could read different tones, not to mention understand the meaning behind different words – when Merle was playing around, or when he was being deadly serious like now. What he meant this time roughly translated as: 'Keep on pushing me and I'll make you regret it.'
It was a last resort and he rarely used that weapon, Lord knows all kinds of threats were doled out at them enough at home as it was and his brother was used to them. But that didn't stop Merle being grateful that the tactic had once again been successful as he observed how Daryl fell back and sat stock still in the backseat as if in shock. At least he was finally quiet.
Meanwhile, Mike had come to stand on his porch and wave them goodbye. Merle stared ahead rudely and studiously ignored him while Daryl returned his wave with enthusiasm until they were round the bend and out of sight of his house. Merle let out a shuddery sigh of relief but it didn't last long.
'I hate you!' His brother hissed at him viciously as soon as the man was out of sight, narrowing his eyes at his back as he spoke.
The corners of Merle's mouth twitched upwards in a soft smile when he looked back at his furious, spunky little brother: "No you don't." He cooed.
"Do too!"
Merle chuckled despite himself. "Yeah? Don't worry, ya'll get over it.'
'Won't! Ever!' Daryl hissed back at him and crossed his arms over his chest as he slumped back against the seat in furious silence. But he couldn't keep it up for long.
'I like Uncle Mikey – he's nice!' He reproached his big brother as he stared out of the car window.
Merle didn't react to this childish outburst other than turn his face away while he grimaced in disgust. Remembering the way the man had touched his baby brother. Thinking about it, he couldn't stop himself when the words seemed to trip over each other in his mouth to get out: 'Yeah, he likes you too.'
If Merle could have swallowed his own tongue whole, he would have right then. Daryl's questioning frown at him demanded an explanation and he thought as fast as his pounding hungover head allowed him. 'Forget it, I was jus' jokin'.' He laughed but even his own laughter sounded fake to his ears.
"What's wrong with him liking me back, Merle?' Daryl wasn't going to let up, demanding to know what he meant by it.
'It's not that… He acts like ya father the longer we stay there.' He lied. 'I'm tellin' ya, it's not right what he's doing. You're not his.'
'Wish I was!'
'Daryl...'
Yet the whole way back home he was wondering if he was crazy to take him back to Dad and leave the safety of Mike's. Maybe Daryl was right to hate him if he was wrong about their father and he got drunk and hurt him again.
Yet Merle just couldn't shake off the icy finger that had trailed down his spine whenever he dwelled upon how much closer Daryl and Mike had got during the short time they'd stayed there. Of course, this was mainly because he'd noticed that the man was touching his baby brother more and more the longer they stayed there...But like most things, he soon forgot about it after they got home, filing it away in his brain as not important.
Huge mistake.
