Innocence
Based on the song of the same name by Halestorm
"Shepard!" Commander Liz Shepard turned at the sound of her name, wondering who needed her so desperately. She winced as she caught sight of Elia, one of her many former conquests on the Citadel. Could I have just one drink without a clingy Asari deciding to berate me for doing exactly what I told her I was going to do? Liz tossed the rest of her drink back, not for courage, but because she knew she was going to need whatever buzz she could accrue before she would have the patience for this confrontation.
"Elie, fancy meeting you here." Liz smirked in the asari's direction. Most people believed that asari were promiscuous, and many of them were, but those weren't the ones who flocked to Liz. The recently-minted Spectre liked control, and she had little patience for those who wanted to take that from her.
Elie frowned as she reached the human who had left her tied to the bed just two weeks before. "That's truly all you have to say to me? You tied me up, fucked me, then left me! I had to use biotics just to untie myself!"
Liz's hand waved as she ordered another drink. "But you freed yourself. What's the issue?"
"The issue is that you left me! How much of an asshole does one need to be to leave another in that situation?!"
Another drink knocked back. These really weren't strong enough tonight. "I knew you would be fine. If not, housekeeping would have found you. I covered you up." Liz had thought that had been more than fair at the time.
Slap! Liz felt the sting from Elie's hand. "Thank the goddess you're leaving! I heard that the council was sending their new Spectre on a dangerous mission. I hope I never see you again!"
Liz couldn't agree more.
Liara T'Soni was the epitome of Liz Shepard's type. Quiet, easily intimidated...innocent. Liz had a history of being aggressive with her conquests. Actually, aggressive was an understatement. The commander took pleasure in borderline abuse to her chosen targets: usually meek, submissive Asari maidens who couldn't get enough of the powerful military officer. None had ever complained (well, except Elie); in fact, many of them clamoured to her feet for more.
The archaeologist was different though. She could not chance losing this tool from her arsenal; her knowledge of the Protheans, not to mention Benezia, was too valuable to her mission. No, Dr. Liara T'Soni was off-limits. Besides, Liz was surprised to find that Liara might actually be too innocent for her; the commander was afraid she'd do too much damage to the sweet Asari, and, for some reason, this bothered her immensely.
No, she couldn't risk ruining something so pure.
Liz refused to meld with Liara at first. The doctor was confused; obviously, connecting her mind to Shepard's was the easiest way to help the Spectre make sense of the beacon from Eden Prime. However, any time she mentioned joining with Shepard, the red-head shut her down quickly.
"I don't think that'll help. Thank you though."
Liara frowned. "But Commander…"
Shepard shook her head. She had visited to check on the Asari; she found she couldn't quite stay as far away from her as she'd like. But she could not risk the melding; that was a line she never crossed with her partners. It was just too personal. "No, thank you, Doctor. I'm not comfortable with the melding process, so I don't think it'll do us any good." Liz looked into Liara's wide...beautiful...eyes and smiled softly. "I'm sorry."
"I...I understand, Commander." Liara asserted, even though it was obvious she didn't understand at all. "You may be correct; it probably wouldn't be helpful if you're mind's not prepared. Just know it's an option, and that I'm available." Laying her hand on Shepard's arm, she squeezed a bit. "I promise not to look anywhere off-limits, if that's an issue." With that, Shepard clinched her fist, wanting suddenly throw the Asari back onto her cot and give her a new definition of off-limits, but instead, she patted Liara's hand.
"That's not what I'm worried about. I'll see you later."
I intrigue her? Liz shook her head. This conversation started out innocent enough, talking about her survival of Akuze. Her loss of control of that situation had played a large part in creating the ruthless lover Shepard had become. Before losing her entire squad, Liz Shepard had been in love; Cecilia, or Lily, as Liz called her, had been the soldier's entire world. However, after Akuze, Lily couldn't accept her girlfriend's sudden aggressive nature. Too many bruises during sex had sent Lily running, and Liz couldn't blame her one bit.
Then Shepard realized what else Liara had said. "Kaiden? Oh, no. He's not quite my type. The lieutenant and I are just friends. Nothing more."
Liara looked embarrassed. "My mistake, then. I am not as adept at understanding human relationships as I thought. But what about us, Shepard? Is there a mutual attraction? Or was I wrong about that, too?"
Shepard froze. She'd suspected Liara's attraction, but the Asari was withdrawn enough to have not called attention to herself about it. The commander, on the other hand, was desperately aware of her own desire for the Asari maiden; cold showers were her daily routine these days.
She looked into the doctor's eyes and decided for a modicum of honesty. "Liara, it's there. Truly." At this, Liara's eyes lit up, expectant. Before she could speak though, Liz stumbled through the rest. "But nothing can happen between us."
Liara frowned. "Oh." Her face turned a deeper shade of blue as she lowered her eyes. "I see."
Shepard felt like a monster. "Don't feel bad, Liara. It's not-"
"It's not you; it's me? Is that what you were going to say?" Liara's eyes met Liz's harshly. "Believe it or not, Commander, some ridiculous token phrases are galaxy-wide. I've heard of your reputation. You're not much for relationships; I haven't asked, but trust me, the crew talks. I'm not going to break, Shepard." At this, her eyes softened a bit. "Unless that's exactly what you want me to do."
Swallow. "Liara, I can't do that to you. I'm not a nice person." Shepard stood up before she did something stupid. Like lean in and show Liara just how nice she wasn't. "Be ready to disembark at Noveria. I need you ready." The commander never even looked at Liara's face as she left. The lost, innocent look would surely be her downfall.
Well, if this hadn't shown Liara how much of a monster Shepard was, nothing would. Liz had just killed the Asari matriarch in front of her daughter. Not that she'd had a choice.
Wondering listlessly around the ship once they set a course for the Citadel, Liz ended up in the cargo bay, talking with Ashley about the last mission.
"Skipper?" Ashley seemed a bit nervous.
"What is it?" Liz looked up from cleaning her rifle to look at her fellow Alliance officer.
"Have you talked to her? To see how she's doing?"
She started a bit; Ashley knew more about Shepard's conquests than anyone else on the ship. Except Liara, I guess. Ashley would know of Liz's interest in the Asari archaeologist, and she would probably understand why nothing had happened between the two yet.
"Speak freely, Williams."
Ashley shrugged and made sure Garrus and Wrex were busy with the Mako. "I don't know, Skipper. I know you like her, and she's just gone through an excruciating experience. I know she and I haven't really gotten close, but even Wrex can see how much she admires and respects you."
Liz shook her head. "Ash, you know why I can't let her get close."
"And why is that?" Ashley wanted Liz to say it out loud.
"She's too good. She's not just some random Asari that I can fuck and leave. I can't even let her meld with me because it blurs the lines too much. I'm afraid I'll hurt her, and I don't know if I could live with myself if I did that."
Ashley grasped Liz's shoulder. "Liara's sturdier than you think she is. But right now, she needs someone she respects and cares about to be there for her, even if it's the ruthless bitch who killed her mom."
Liz smirked, knowing Ashley had no ill intentions with the statement. "Yeah...ok. I'll stop by and see her on my way up."
Liara was, as always, sitting at her terminal when Liz entered the room. She quickly wiped her eyes before turning to the commander. "Oh, Shepard, I didn't…"
Liz leaned against the desk. "How…" She cleared her throat. "How are you, Liara?" Liz had lost her mom and dad when she was a teenager, had seen them slaughtered in front of her, but not by a friend. Not by someone she was supposed to be blindly following into battle.
"I'm...ok, I guess. Benezia chose her path; she brought this upon herself."
"She's was still your mother, Liara."
"The Asari you killed was not my mother, not as I remember her anyway." Liara's voice developed a slight tone of steel. "You needn't worry, Shepard. I'm still with you; I won't be leaving until this is over." With that, Liara turned back to her terminal, effectively telling Shepard to fuck off.
This didn't sit well with Liz. "I never questioned your loyalty, Liara. In fact, I'm the only one on the fucking ship who hasn't." Liz reached down and harshly turned Liara's chair around, almost giving the Asari whiplash. "I've been doing everything in my power to protect you from your mother, the geth, the crew…" She ground her teeth. "Even me."
Liara shot up from her chair. "What if I don't want to be protected from you, Shepard?"
Liz, cursing herself as she did it, brought her face close to Liara's, their noses almost touching. "I don't particularly give a damn what you want, T'Soni. I refuse to break you. That's what I do, in case you haven't heard. I take innocent, docile creatures and break them down until they're nothing more a quivering mess...and not in the good way. I need control; I need to dominate who I'm fucking, Liara. I can't meld with you because I can't make that kind of connection with anyone, especially one I want to tie up in my bed and -" Liz barely comprehended what was going on; Liara had bridged the gap between the two of them, locking her lips on the commander's.
Pulling back, Liara growled, "Would you please shut up? I KNOW, Shepard. Do you know how many fellow Asari have approached me on the Citadel and warned me about you? Have told me just how brutal you can be in the bedroom, and that if I have any bit of dignity, I'd pack up my meager belongings and go about my own way? Of course, I've told them that our relationship isn't like that, that you treat me as a professional, a teammate." Tears suddenly appear in her eyes, making the blue swim; "What's wrong with me, Liz?" she asked, using Shepard's given name for the first time. "I know I'm clueless when it comes to carnal relations, but…"
Liz grasped Liara's face with her hand, needing that bit of control. She ground out, "That's exactly why I can't be with you, Liara." She thought that she should lessen her grip on Liara's face before she left a mark, but it felt too good. "I can't hurt you that way." She took a deep breath, deciding to come completely clean with Liara. "Giving pain is the only way I get off, Liara. I need to have you under me, screaming, begging me to stop, before I can find any kind of release." Finally taking her hand from Liara's face, she whispered, "And I can't do that to you. I'd rather be your friend and leave you whole than take what I want and break you."
Liara was not one to give in. She whispered against Shepard's lips just as fervently, "The last thing, Liz, I want to be is your friend." She pushed her lips against Liz's once more before turning back to sit in her chair. "You can see yourself out, Shepard. I won't take any more of your time."
