"And now for the educational portion of this program, it's Bullwinkle's corner!" Rocky exclaimed as the audience cheered.
The curtains peeled back to reveal Bullwinkle, as usual, holding his book of poems.
"Good evening, poetry lovers!" Bullwinkle exclaimed, dressed in a Naval uniform. "Today's poem is not really a poem, but a song, called, "The Modern-Major General, by Gilbert and Sullivan…"
As Bullwinkle turned the pages and cleared his throat, Boris (watching from the audience with Natasha) couldn't help but comment;
"Oh, dang! Ees like, hardest musical song een all vorld!"
"I didn't know ju like musical, dollink." Natasha replied.
"I don't." Boris laughed.
The curtains pulled back, Bullwinkle was now behind a hastily-painted "ocean" background.
"I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;" Bullwinkle took in a massive breath and continued.
"I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' fuss--
With many cheerful facts about the scary hippopotamus!"
Rocky then peeked out, wearing a hippo mask, and that certainly freaked out Bullwinkle.
"AAAGH!" Bullwinkle exclaimed. "Rock, don't scare me like that!"
(Chorus: "With many cheerful facts about the scary hippopotamus!
With many cheerful facts about the scary hippopotamus!
With many cheerful facts about the scary hippopotamus!")
"I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!" Bullwinkle smirked, holding a sword above his head.
Real cannons with fireworks actually shot off at that moment.
(Chorus: "In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!")
"I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities para…parablous" Bullwinkle spoke, struggling to get that last word out.
"I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
UHHHHH—"
Bullwinkle quickly flipped through the pages.
"SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING PI-NA-FOOORE!"
(Chorus: "Something something something something something something Pinafore!
Something something something something something something Pinafore!
Something something something something something something Pinafore!")
"For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!" Bullwinkle finished singing, then completely passed out on the ground, out of breath.
"MEDIC!!" Rocky called, then two guys came from offscreen and hauled Bullwinkle onto a stretcher to the hospital.
————
"And now, back to the show!"
