Chapter 50: Practice makes perfect.
Thanks to those who have given me feedback on this story. I'm glad that Rogers and his thoughts are coming across as I intended. Will he eventually lose patience and control and hurt Daryl? I hope not.
When will Merle come home?
Thanks for reading and any more reviews would be greatly appreciated by the author.
Daryl
Well, I didn't know that when he gave me the cake-making assignment from Miss Perkins that I would be the cake that he ending up eating! Makes sense since I can't cook anyway. I admit that sometimes I had to act like I was really into Carl and doing the stuff that I knew he wanted me to do than I really was. He was occasionally weird and a little creepy but what choice did I have? Kissing him wasn't so bad – I could cope with that and at least he didn't beat me or cut me or yell. That already made him a million times better than Dad. I didn't really like sucking his dick, for example – didn't think I would ever enjoy doing that to anyone - it brought back too many ghosts from the past. Especially when he held me down forcefully at the end but I scrapped the act pretty quickly when he went down on me.
My moans and cries of enjoyment had been genuine then and I guessed that I had to pay him back for it and everything else, no matter what he said.
He had dined on me like I was his dessert.
It was obvious that he knew what exactly to do to make me squirm and moan under his mouth when sex for me so far had only been pain, terror, shame and humiliation.
Maybe I would even enjoy that other thing if I let him. I knew that whatever he said, he wanted us to do that.
Was dying for us to do it, in fact.
How much longer could I put him off? I could always run back home but I'd already done that without Dad knowing. No sign of Merle or his truck.
I'd been downcast but shrugged it off. No way was I going back to that sick son-of-a-bitch alone without my brother there.
Anyway, at least I got some pleasure out of it which was more than I did with Dad. And Carl was kind and took care of me so I had to pay him back somehow. Fed me and gave me someplace safe to sleep and he never, ever hurt me.
Then what we'd done in the classroom yesterday lunchtime…He'd tried to get me to go further but then I freaked out on him because of something he said. We didn't have time anyway and he'd been patient.
But I knew from Dad that his patience wouldn't last forever. But I had nowhere else to go.
Damn you, Merle! Get ya ass back home. I wanna get out of here before he makes me…makes me…
I couldn't even finish the sentence in my head.
I found myself trembling.
A few days later
Rogers
I'd been working on him for a while and hoped one day we could take it to the ultimate step. I had pulled out all my trump cards to impress him when I pleasured him with my mouth and fingers but how I longed to make him come with something else of mine.
For his part, he'd outdone himself when he paid me back in kind. Sharpening his 'skills' so to speak. Exam revision had gone to the wayside because I was 'educating' him in a far more important subject.
I'd been secretly overjoyed when Daryl had come back from home with his head hanging to hear that his older brother was still away even as I felt bad for him. He'd let me coddle him on my lap and stroke his hair to comfort him.
Now, I was in my own personal paradise as I continued to adore the boy I'd wanted for years. He hadn't said explicitly that he wanted to try going further with me but now here he was. All willing and ready for me. But the undeniable fear and nervousness was still there, it was clear from his shaky breaths as I soothed back his hair and stroked his face while whispering sweet nothings into his ear. I knew from the start this wasn't going to be easy for him. Not on me either by any means because how much I wanted him never clouded how badly I felt for him. He got to me so much – more than any of the other boys and my heart ached for him most of the time.
I shook my head, I could be all angst-ridden later and debate the rights and wrongs with myself afterwards. Right now, I had someone else to reassure and take care of other than myself.
I let my fingers flutter across his nape as I planted a kiss on one of his very tense shoulders:
'Hey, would it make it any easier for you to face me? So, you can see what I am doing?'
I really didn't need a verbal answer, he wasn't going to relax any time soon that fact was very clear so I gently turned him around to face me. 'Better?'
He blinked a few times and nodded. I replied, 'It's better for me too in more ways than one, let me tell you. I can see you in all your glory and it means I can do this without problem.'
Did I detect a shudder from him when I said this? It suited my purposes to take it as one of anticipation.
I kissed my way down his stomach and then stretched ou my tongue out to lick teasingly at the head of his dick before I let it slide down its veiny sides before taking him into my mouth bit by bit; Daryl was a big boy, after all. I had been surprised when I saw him naked for the first time, especially as he was quite lean and small for his age.
A little bit more of doing this and I soon had him throwing back his head and moaning as well as bucking his hips to meet my mouth. Especially when I touched him wherever I could, my hands caressing him every part of him I could reach. I concentrated on making him forget all of his forebodings.
Naturally they came back with full force after he saw me grab the jar of lube with my left hand. I popped it open and smothered two of my fingers in it. He watched me with apprehension, his breathing growing more shallow and rapid.
'Hey, relax.' I reached out to stroke his arm. 'I'll be gentle with you. Do it nice and slow...if it's too much, tell me and I'll stop.'
I waited for his little nod, and once it came, I slid one finger in him as gently as I possibly could.
'Fuckin' hate this part!' He hissed out as I stretched him.
'I know, I know. I don't want to hurt you any more than I have to…'
He huffed like he didn't believe me.
I'm going to make you love it.'
'I doubt it.' He muttered low in his throat and squeezed his eyes shut.
'You'll see.' I took him back in my mouth as my second finger kept the first company. Part of this was to distract him, but mostly I did it because my desire for him had almost blown out of all proportion despite the progress we'd already made.
'Oh…but...I don't…' He cut himself off with a low reluctant moan as I teased his sweet spot with the tip of my fingers. 'Oh, that feels so good...'He sighed in surprise. 'Didn't know it could feel like this…'
'Silly boy, you should listen to me. Told you that loads of times before.' I told him in a voice teeming with desire and lust.
His dick disappeared into my mouth again, resulting in him biting at his lip. Careful not to overwhelm him, I gently added a bit more suction while I inserted my third finger. Though he tensed up, the move left him grasping at the sheets once more.
Only when I'd warmed him up a little did I feel confident enough to continue. He didn't need to say anything as I replaced my finger with my dick - The fear was easy to read on his face.
'Shh, I ain't going to hurt you.'
He made a desperate attempt to relax.
I slowly pushed in, closing my eyes in pleasure but opening them soon after. And I was glad I did that I caught it in time. His expression was quite painful to watch.
He turned away and muttered suddenly. 'Please, stop. Jus' stop. I ain't ready.'
It was as clear as day that he was on the verge of entering fight mode, despite his exposed and less than ideal position on the bed.
I stopped moving completely, mortified that he was getting ready to fight me because he had been certain that I wouldn't listen to him. Something the sack of shit never did. 'Wanna stop? Try another day?' I had to ask.
He looked at me with a face full of hurt and confusion.
He turned away and I think I heard him mutter – 'Please, Dad, don't. Jus' stop, please. It fuckin' hurts!'.
I was still inside him and suddenly, tears were running down his cheeks but he wasn't making any move to wipe them away.
I had to pour all my self-control into not moving and I was appalled that he had called me by the same name of the man he must have loathed.
I prepared to pull out and it was one of the hardest things I had ever done because everything in me wanted to fuck the tears out of him. Literally. I remained motionless but still couldn't bear to pull out, at least not until he told me to.
'You OK?' I stroked his hair as he turned away from me and let slip what sounded like a small choked sob-like sound. He was also trembling like crazy.
'Hey…hey.. It's all right.' He didn't answer but had squeezed his eyes shut again. I decided it was probably time for me to face the facts, this wasn't going to happen today. I withdrew as gently and slowly as I could then immediately pulled him into my lap just to hold him for comfort.
'No, don't!' He flailed his arms at me helplessly.
'It's OK, it's OK. I'm not goin' to force myself on you.' I soothed. 'Everything's fine, I'm stopping this.'
He looked back up at me suddenly in confusion. Like nothing had happened. 'Why did'ya stop?'
You told me to and called me 'Dad'.
'What?' He stared at me like I had two heads. 'No, I didn't!'
Now it was my turn to stare at him. 'But you did. Don't you remember, son? You were begging me to stop.' He hissed and shook his head. 'I'm sorry…'
'Don't be. I'm not mad at you.'
He tensed up even more in my arms then. 'Yeah, that's what he always says! He's sorry and he won't hurt me. But he always does anyway!'
'I'm nothing like him. You have to believe that, Dary.'
'Yeah, right.' He replied sarcastically and looked down at the ground.
I tipped up his chin with my finger. 'Hey, I mean it.'
'Sick and fuckin' tired of bein' treated like a fool. Like I'm easy to trick just because I want-'
'I'm someone that sticks to his words, Daryl. It's my fault for pushing you too fast. We can slow things down, I don't mind.' The lie tripped glibly off my tongue. 'Pretty amazin' how far you're able to go anyway. Letting me do that.'
'I thought I was back there and you were him. I lost it! Let me get up.'
'Please, just calm down.'
'Don't! Let me go!'
'Come on, talk to me. You're not crazy.'
He stared at me then and his eyes were filling to the brink with tears before they spilled over. 'Motherfucker, I told ya to let me go!'. He struggled.
He slumped against me then, too exhausted to keep fighting me as heartbreaking sobs escaped his mouth. Like they did always when he was doing his best to stop them. Not to show any weakness, no doubt.
'Stop fighting how you feel. Nobody could blame you if they knew…Just let it out Daryl, it's not healthy keeping everything bottled up inside.'
He took a few harsh breaths in a last attempt to pull himself together but failed. Then, he broke down.
'I'm… I…' He soon gave up trying to talk and surrendered to the tears. Panic was slowly overwhelming him as he struggled to breathe, his body rigid with his sobs.
'Oh, baby...Shh.' I continued stroking his hair while I traced soothing circles on his scarred, bare back.
Once I thought that he had calmed down, my face went almost white when I couldn't hear him breathing, but then I sighed in relief when I felt him trembling in my lap.
Then it came out, all the suppressed feelings he harbored up inside, resulting in a heartbreaking sound mingled with anger and pain.
I held him tighter, rocking him back and forth in my arms. I tilted him back slightly and wiped the tears away with my thumbs as I cradled his face. That angelic and gorgeous face radiated so much sheer pain that I planted a kiss to his forehead without thinking.
Thankfully he didn't seem to mind.
It became pointless to wipe his tears away since his cheeks, in a matter of seconds, were as wet as before. I sighed at the lack of comforting words I had at my disposal. What could I possibly say to soothe him with all this happening? I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard his voice sounding as if it was from far away:
'I...I'd...' Frustrated at not being able to get out what he wanted to say, he whimpered and leaned his head against my shoulder.
'Stop talking...' I usually barked the exact same words in class but now I kept my tone soft and caring as I continued in the same soothing voice, 'Don't say anything until you've calmed down. You're just making it harder for yourself.'
After a while when his sobbing and moans of pain ceased to abate, I picked him up and walked with him in my arms into the bathroom. I carefully sat him down on the closed toilet seat and got the hot water running before I turned to him.
'Come on, I know what you need. A relaxing bath. I promise I won't touch you. I just want to show you that you can trust me.'
He looked at me with that familiar skeptical expression before he shrugged his shoulders but at least he'd stopped crying.
The bathtub was half full before I got in first. 'Come on, let me hold you.'
It didn't escape me how much he tensed up when I said those words. I suspected his father had abused him in the bath too and I knew I had to tread carefully if I didn't want him bolting.
'I can get up and leave you to it, if that's what you would prefer.'
My words seemed to put him at ease like he'd never been given a choice by an adult before and he surprised me by shaking his head. After that, he got into the tub to join me and even leaned back against me to allow me to put my arms around him from behind.
'See, I don't bite. I just want hold you, and make you feel all better.'
I planted a kiss close to his ear, almost overcome by the depth of my feelings for him when I added 'God knows you deserve to be safe and happy, Dixon.'
Soon he was completely slack in my arms, and I just marveled at him getting so close to me willingly when Lord knows what terrible things had happened to him in the bath with his father. He even tilted his head back even more to get better access to my mouth before he kissed me. My dick immediately appreciated it too, and I frowned at how little he actually had to do to get a reaction from me.
He broke the kiss by stating the obvious. 'You're hard.'
'Yeah, you tend to have that effect on me. It's all right, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about it.'
'Don't you wanna…?'
'Nothing happens here unless you want it to. I meant what I said.'
Rogers
'I usually can't move after he's done with me…' He'd almost whispered, making my ears strain to hear. 'It hurts too much.' His voice dropped even lower then so I barely heard this.
Full of pity, I reached for him, and pulled him closer. I planted a kiss to his temple and sighed.
'He doesn't make it easy on you, does he, the fucking bastard?'
'Him fuckin' me is a punishment...it's meant to hurt, ya know. At times I even welcome the pain... Sure is better than when he's all heavy hbreathing in my ear and touchin' me, whispering how fuckin' gorgeous I am.'
Punishment for what? I wondered. What could such a sweet kid have possibly done?
He paused to ignore my gasp of shock, even smirked before continuing. He was on a roll now, opening up to me.
'Even wish he'd use the fucking belt...or the knife...I know how to block out the pain from those but when he's inside me...I…I…'
He shuddered in my arms then, unable to finish this thought out loud and I stroked him again slowly because the sheer emotion in those words left me speechless. I simply didn't know what to say or how to comfort him so I used my hands instead. Caressing him gently all over or at least where I could reach.
After observing him more closely, I felt that he'd reverted back to feeling vulnerable in my arms. For a moment I felt guilty for bringing his old man up again, but I knew he needed to express his feelings about him and what he did to him. Besides, I was curious although everything he told me left me feeling nauseous. 'Talk to me, Daryl. Don't stop now.'
'No...'
'Tell me more about him. The things he did to you.'
He shuddered. 'No…I ...I can't.'
'It's OK. You don't have to but if you ever need to talk, remember, I'm here for you.'
'Thanks.' He turned around and gave me a wan, grateful smile before he pecked my lips.
Then he snuggled against me for warmth as the water grew cold.
