[Kendall]
It's been 2 weeks since Logan left us.
We were planning a whole funeral for him, in just 2 weeks. His mother cried endlessly once we showed her the letter, our parents scolded us endlessly. They cried as well, not wanting us to leave them, they made us swore never to do what Logan did.
Logan was a smart one, very smart. I was honored to have him as my boyfriend, hell, I was ready to pop the question and all!
He knew suicide was wrong, wrong on so many levels. Yet, pressure finds its way to ruin everything and everyone. Not only was he pressured because of fame, but he also received emotional and mental problems from me.
Fame consumed me, I spent less and less time with him. Only after he left did I reminiscence, I realized I was being a total fuckwad. He reached out so many times, desperate for affection and attention from me, yet, I pushed it all away because of fame.
Big Time Rush took a break from singing, the three of us just stayed in our house, crying non-stop.
I could feel his heartbeat when I closed my eyes, I could feel his warmth when I laid upon the bed which we shared, once upon a time. It was a very weird experience, even though he's no longer here, I could feel him still alive…
Perhaps, it's one of the ways my heart is telling me that no one will ever replace him.
His death landed a very heavy blow to us, I felt extremely guilty. Up to a point where I couldn't look at James and Carlos without wanting to break down, because it was all my fault. It went on for 3 days until they noticed, now they refused to leave me alone, fraid' that I'd do what Logan did, out of peer pressure.
It was another gloomy day in PalmWoods, we stayed in our house in silence. It was odd, today felt a bit different compared to the other gloomy days.
Logan's scent wafted in the air. I'm not sure if the others noted it, but since I've been with him for god knows how long, I've noted every single aspect of him. From his scent down to his toes, his kinks, everything.
Today, I noted his scent, his innocent, sweet yet cheeky, sexy in a sense and Logan scent.
The entire house was silent as I took in his scent, Carlos being cradled in James' arm. I felt tears prick my eyes, maybe this was God's punishment for me abandoning my loved one. This might be the last time I'll be able to smell him- as creepy as that sounds- so I took in as much as I could, memories of the past came rushing back.
Maybe this is Logan's attempt to tell me that he's still here, that he'll be watching me… That he wants me to move on.
The problem is, I don't want to move on. No. I'm scared someone might steal that special spot in my heart, that someone might replace him…
*Knock Knock*
5 knocks came from the door.
*Knock Knock*
5 more came.
What caught my interest was that the knocks came in an odd pattern, one that we had set. It was a way to tell when either of us is knocking on the door.
Not just that, we also had an obvious doorbell next to our door.
Why didn't the stranger use it? Did they not see it?
Suddenly, a memory of Logan came into my mind. He's the only person I knew in this world who'd deliberately knock on the door, even if there's a humongous doorbell right there.
That can't be, right? He's dead…
All of a sudden, my flames of hope burned bright.
"I'll get it." Carlos said, his voice cracking as he stood up. I, too, was intrigued to see who this stranger was. Soon, James and I were behind Carlos, anticipating to see who this stranger was and why he didn't use the doorbell.
Carlos gulped as he reached for the doorknob, could he also he suspecting Logan…?
Once he opened the door, we were met with the back of the stranger, all of a sudden, my eyes brimmed up with tears.
"Dammit, they're not home." He cursed, his angelic voice was music to my ears.
He's alive…?
He's alive?!
Surprise surprise! :D
I wanted to do a surprise update cuz' y'nat.
Merry Belated Christmas to everyone and I hope everyone has a Happy New Years, things has been…
I suppose things haven't been all that joyous here. Still, I hope everyone's having a good time! 2016 is going and 2017 is coming soon!
