Chapter 59: History lesson with Dad

Racism and racial slurs but these do not represent the author's views. I have Jewish heritage myself.

Things are going from bad to worse for Daryl and he sees no way out. Merle open your eyes and do something!

Please leave a review if you can – it would make the author very happy.

Daryl

Autumn came and nothing had really changed and I wondered if Merle had gone off the idea of us leaving. Things went on as they did before and if someone was to ask me what was the worst memory of my father, I couldn't have given them one single time straightaway. If I wrote down all the filthy things he did to me, made me do to him and the different ways he did them, I'd have to write another book. People say that it's good to write down your feelings.

Apparently.

Whatever.

Because nothing and nobody could save me back then. He would threaten to kill my brother or do worse if I started mouthing off that I would tell or run away.

Daryl

He was dragging me to backwards towards him even as I clung to the living room floor, resisting him as long as I could.

'Get off me!' I snarled. Acting tougher than I actually felt as usual. Had never been as badass as Merle and the bastard knew it.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair but he did stop. Still, I wasn't fool enough to think this was a real respite – he'd have his way with me – his own son – like he always did.

'Sh...' He slobbered a wet kiss down the back of my neck like a dog and I cringed away in disgust.

'No! Don't!'

I sensed rather than saw him smirk as he did it again – adding his teeth this time and I felt them graze my skin knowing it was his way of silently warning me what would happen if I didn't co-operate. I'm sorry to say that I couldn't help but let out a whimper. I was so worn down by him and even hating myself for being so weak, knowing my big brother would think that I was pathetic if he was here to hear me.

Did I really believe that of Merle?

Worse was to follow, I knew it when I repeated the forbidden words again: 'No, Dad, please don't. Jus' fuckin' stop!'. I pleaded like a pussy.

He laughed at that and to my surprise, he kissed my cheek – pleased that he'd finally got to me at last. He pulled me to him, put his arms round me like he used to when I was little. Years ago, it had felt nice and safe but now I just felt trapped and numb with fear.

'Sh...sh... Daddy ain't gonna hurt ya.' How I hated those words and anyone else saying them was always going to make me think the very opposite was going to happen.

'Why so scared of me, son? I'm ya father.' He started stroking my hair like Merle occasionally did when he was happy-high in the past (but lately, he'd become a hell of a lot more touchy-feely with me) or I did something bad-ass and worthy enough of a Dixon to make him proud. It used to calm me but since he'd started this new form of punishment, it only made me more anxious. I knew that making him wait or acting unwilling only made him angrier and despite appearances as he crooned comfort at me – he was fuming. It was better to submit and not make a fuss but I just couldn't do that.

I never could mostly, no matter what the cost.

I was proved right as he suddenly shoved me off him and roughly slammed me to the carpet without warning. My breath left my lungs in one sharp whoosh.

'Get the fuck back down there.' He snarled and slapped me hard even as I lay there winded and my head snapped back and tears came into my eyes - even though I vowed never to cry in front of him whatever he did. Even though I was used to this brutal treatment – and worse - he had caught me off guard just like he'd intended. He made sure I understood what I was in for if I continued to resist him by kicking me as hard in my stomach as he could a few times.

I clutched my middle and tried to breathe but only a wheezing sound came out. And the pain…Tears sprung to my eyes and stung them. I hoped for what felt like the millionth time that he'd left my ribs intact.

He must have noticed because he very kindly gave me a few minutes to recover but kept his foot on top of me, just in case I was capable of running away in my state.

After a while, he got impatient as soon as I could breathe normally again.

'Now do the only thing ya good at, ya little whore.' He caught my head in his hands and upturned my damp face.

'No! Won't!'

'Didn't ya learn ya lesson just now?'

He cuffed me again, harder for that little bit of insolence. Dazed and seeing stars, I shook my head to try and clear it. Enough time for him to undo his flies and free himself.

'Now, now, open up for Daddy.' This is what he usually said.

I turned away in revulsion because he was already panting and touching himself in excitement.

'No! Ain't doin' nothin' for ya, you sick fuck!'

That earnt me a vicious punch to the face – he'd been holding back from places that were visible so Merle wouldn't see and now I felt the blood trickling down my chin from my throbbing nose. I wondered if he'd finally managed to break it but I didn't think so.

'Ya'll do it otherwise I'll fuck ya and I was very considerately going to give ya a break after last night. Do you want me to tie ya up again, too? I know ya don't, do ya, son?'

'Ya sick is what you are!' Actually, I was delaying things as far as I could, I knew Merle was (hopefully) due home like he said from wherever he was (he made a point lately of being around more and even coming home for dinner) but I couldn't rely on that. No wonder Dad was getting frustrated and in such a hurry. He never told us exactly where he went these days and he usually he left after he got an enigmatic phone-call. He had hinted to me that he was trying to make enough money so that we could leave and I was just itching (that was the understatement of the century) to get away both for my survival and my sanity. I knew I couldn't take much more of this torture. Funny, Dad never asked what he did or where he went, only when he would be back and I knew why. He didn't give a shit what Merle had to do as long as the money kept coming in.

'I know what ya playin' at.' His eyes narrowed evilly but at least he didn't hit me, only gripped me by my upper arms and shook me. 'I know ya must be tired after our fun all night but ya keepin' me waitin' 'cos ya hopin' that ya big brother will come home and save ya, ain't ya, boy?'

I said nothing, only eye-balled him back, hoping that he wouldn't be able to read my expression.

'Well,' He drawled smugly. 'I got news for ya, you ungrateful little shit. He ain't comin' back tonight because he had to change his plans.'

'You're lyin'.' I muttered angrily, hiding my terror and disappointment at the news. But I knew he wasn't and I unconsciously rubbed my chafed wrists from the ropes.

He laughed that same filthy mocking guffaw that I heard my brother do – usually when he was talking about his latest exploits with the opposite sex and was recounting them – in graphic detail in the bar or to his friends but hardly ever to me when we were alone.

'Or the night after...maybe not even that.' He paused for effect while my heart sank. 'See - I sent him on a long errand. Told him that we two needed to spend quality time together. Father and son, to clear the air between us.' He licked his lips obscenely at me but at least he'd forgotten all about his dick that was practically standing up all on its own. Didn't take much to get him going when it came to me – his own flesh and blood.

'See he knows something's going on between us but even after everything he's seen, he's too dumb or high to put 2 and 2 together.'

'You leave him alone!' I screamed back defensively. 'How could anyone think up – let alone believe - that their own father would do the things you do to their brother? Not his fault if he can't believe it!' My anger was so great that it even stopped me feeling the pain from my aching, crampy stomach where he'd kicked me with his boots on.

For a short moment.

'Ya poor innocent big brother lapped it all up. He thinks he's such a man of the world but he can't even see what's goin' on right in front of him to his precious baby brother. He senses it though. Surprised he agreed and was willing to leave ya alone with me, actually.'

I looked away, knowing that there was no hope now. Defeated – knowing the sooner I started, the sooner it would all be over unless he fucked me all night like yesterday, I took him in my mouth like he'd taught me the first time all those months – felt like years - ago. But he hadn't been the first to try.

Thinking of Mike, I shivered.

'Good boy.' He panted, his hands twirling gently in my hair as I blew him like he liked while I hated myself for giving in so easily. Just like the whore he always called me. But really – what choice did I have?

'That's how I like it.' He cried out in between moans.

After he came into my mouth, I tried to slip away to puke him all up in the outhouse but he grabbed hold of me and pinned me to his side. He forced me to lie like that with him and swallow until he was ready to go again.

'Ya know...' He mused aloud after a pause with his hands were moving possessively over my hair, 'I wonder ya so good at it ...jus' like ya Mama was...'

I turned my head away in sheer disbelief at that – this was something new. Now he was bringing my dead mother into it. He growled and yanked my head back so that it was lying on his chest again. I was too shocked to even strike back with a sarcastic comeback – this was a new low even for him when I thought he could never sink further in his depravity.

'Ya remember her, don't ya?'

I shook my head. Of course, I did – still dreamt of her sometimes, slender and beautiful with almost black hair, same hue as mine in her flowing, white dress but I didn't want to give him any more ammunition.

'She loved you best even more than Merle – jus' like me.' He kissed the top of my head while I squirmed to get away from him while my heart ached for my brother. Had he known she had? He always knew Dad preferred me but he didn't know the sick reason why.

'Fuckin' bitch.' He hissed – changing without warning from nostalgic back to dangerous rage. I knew he did it on purpose just to fuck with my head and get me even more terrified and confused.

'She left me and you two boys. Left us all alone.' He sounded maudlin now like it was her fault she died and he hadn't even been drinking as far as I could tell. Hadn't mentioned her for years – as long as I could remember, in fact. It was just like she had never existed after she was gone. Me and Merle talked about her sometimes though and he'd tell me things about her. He taught me her favourite song and we'd sing it sometimes and he told me the name of the perfume she always used to wear.

He grunted swinishly and I felt a new surge of hatred for him as he moved under me. 'Ya ready for ya next punishment, son? Changed my mind about giving ya a break today even though ya must be in such pain. Shouldn't have said 'No' to me before just over a tiny blowjob.'

I shook my head vigorously, knowing the worst was yet to come. The bastard always saved the best to last. He ignored me like he always did. Started to yank my shirt off in his lust and pull my jeans off me. He'd let me pull them back on to suck him off, probably just to give me a false sense of hope.

'N...no!'

He ignored my protests and struggles – nothing I did could stop him anyway. I thought uselessly to myself, he can't keep doing this to me – I gotta grow up sometime, right? Maybe I should have worked out more before and then I could have fended him off. I was filling out a bit and getting muscles but it was still happening far too slow!

He started preparing me impatiently – at least he nearly always did that and lubed me right up except when I'd been really 'bad' or he was in a particularly sadistic mood. Not that it made it much easier – only a little less painful.

He slid into me hastily and started thrusting inside me almost immediately, not even giving me time to get used to his considerable girth. Was it me or was he getting even bigger? I cried out against the pillow because it never got easier or less humiliating or disgusting. Misunderstanding or more likely – deliberately misinterpreting my meaning, he ran his hands all over my body and it felt like there wasn't one single square inch of me that wasn't pawed and groped by him.

'Ya know really,' He breathed between moans, 'Ya Mama was jus' like this. A hot little bitch between the sheets - all willin' and squirmin' and beggin' me for more.'

'Ya a fuckin' filthy liar! Nobody could enjoy it with you! Please, Daddy - I don't want this – any of it! Stop! And leave her out of it, you evil bastard!'

'So... ya do remember her.' He crowed triumphantly, ignoring my insults while I kicked myself inside because I'd just handed him another stick to beat me with.

After he was done, a sob of humiliation escaped me when he slid out of me. He did it too fast so that it hurt but at least it was over relatively quickly.

But for how long?

'What ya cryin' for?' He looked at me and acted surprised. Even then he wouldn't let me go but grabbed me as soon as I recovered enough to try and get to my feet despite the pain from my stomach and all the other places. Blood and his spunk were leaking out of me onto the carpet but he didn't seem to care about or notice that when he usually went crazy over spills and stains of any sort.

'I ain't!' I snarled back. 'Ain't nothin' ya could ever do could make me cry!'

'Ya think so? Ya still pretty sassy – maybe I ain't punished ya enough today.' My father's voice got that menacing undertone that told me I was walking on thin ice and I shivered. Didn't argue.

'Jus' let me go, Dad - I need to take a piss!'

'Do it here!'

I started because I knew he was serious. 'No! Ya got what ya wanted out of me – jus' let me go!'

He chuckled and hoisted me higher up to him as we lay there naked on the floor together.

Father and son together – au naturel, what a touching tableau.

Not.

'Ya know...'

I shut my eyes and tried to block him out. I'd have to endure my bursting bladder as well as the sound of my father's voice lecturing me but at least he wasn't inside me and there was no physical pain.

'Ya know...' He repeated, crooning at me in that same tone that he used in the past to tell me bedtime stories, 'I wonder if ya Mama didn't have some funny blood in her. Her Grand-Daddy sure had a funny name...'

Despite myself, I was intrigued but shrugged to show I didn't care.

He reached down to plant a kiss on my forehead. 'And I still married her. I was sure generous and forgivin' back then but I got ya for my reward, didn't I?' He mused but then he noticed me looking at him.

'Go on, I'll let ya. Since ya pleased me so well with ya mouth and tight little ass today. Think ya earned yaself a toilet break before I finish my story.'

I suppressed the urge to lash out at him with sarcasm as he got up and pulled me up by my arm. Not even then, did he let go of me and both of us were butt-bare naked. Not that it bothered him – of course not. I was worried he was going to get turned on just by the sight of me and want to fuck me again. His carnal appetite seemed huge for an old bastard like him.

He dragged me to the bathroom but wouldn't give me any privacy, of course. Just stood there and watched me go with a sardonic grin on his face. God, I hated that smile – wished I could wipe it off his face for once and for all.

As soon as I stumbled out, I shoved him away angrily and tried to make a run for it but he easily caught me. Dragged me over to his armchair and pulled me onto his lap like I was six instead of sixteen. Like in the old days when I was upset and he wanted to comfort me. At least he let me keep my towel on.

Let me go! I ain't a baby!'

He shushed me and we fell silent for a while until he spoke.

'Sh... don't ya ever think about ya Mama?'

I didn't answer even though his question confused me. Thinking how twisted he was if he could bring her up while doing what he'd been doing to me.

'What if ya half-kike – would explain a lot. Why ya so small and skinny, why ya such a pussy not like ya big brother. Would mean none of this is my fault – ya tempted me!'

In our world, calling someone a Jew was just below homosexual, child-molester and about equal with nigger in that order in the insult stakes.

'Ya a fuckin' liar! She was white!'

He chuckled. 'Yeah, but what if she wasn't – that would make ya a Jew boy.'

My father shoved me off him. 'Get up. I got a new game we can play.'

He grabbed me by one arm and dragged me up the stairs to his bedroom. I knew he'd never have let me off that lightly and what I'd feared was coming to pass.

'How about I'm a SAS officer and ya my little Jew boy in that death camp – where was it - Germany or Poland or wherever the fuck that place was.'

I looked up at him blankly not understanding a word he was rambling on about except the countries I knew were in Europe but otherwise I couldn't give a shit about them. Except maybe Italy where Eric was. Where I longed with all my heart to be if it wasn't for my brother.

'Germany? Poland?' I repeated, thinking that he had finally gone and lost his mind.

He tutted and shook his head. Taking my chin in his hand, he shook my head gently from side to side. 'Don't they teach ya nothin' in school, boy? History, son, history. Never heard of World War 2?'

'Of course, I have! I ain't a moron!'

'Nah and ya got talents and special 'skills', boy with those straight A's of yours and your tongue too, I'll give ya that.' He pushed me down onto the bed and expertly flipped me over onto my stomach.

'N...no! Not again! Get the fuck off me!'

'Sh...' He traced my scars with his fingers. 'It's OK.'

I buried my face into the pillow, not falling for his lies.

'Ever done role-plays, son?'

'What?' What were they? I was confused and raised my head, dreading another new form of sexual torture. Him being behind me and not being able to see what he was doing to me was torment enough.

'Means ya gotta fight for ya life. I'm a fuckin' Nazi and ya my little Jew-boy. We're in that death-camp I mentioned before and this is ya only way out. I own ya. Ya let me fuck ya and I let ya live. How does that sound?'

He was already lining himself up against my hole after he'd drenched his fingers in the greasy lube. Not that I needed it really.

'No! Kill me! I'll never let ya!' I yelled and I really meant it. I couldn't take more of this – of him anymore.

'Well, then, it's a good job it's just pretend and ya don't have a choice, do ya, son?' He laughed loudly.

He entered me roughly but luckily, I was still stretched from last time like he knew and I suppressed another cry of pain as he grabbed me by my hair. Not gently this time but yanking it back as he slobbered disgusting slimy kisses all down my throat and down my back. I shuddered in revulsion as he started his assault on me again. I was so fucking sore.

'My dirty little Jew-boy.' He hissed and groaned in my ear, groping me between my legs as he did so. Despite myself, I gasped and started to grow hard and he sniggered as he took his hand away. Letting me know that he even controlled how my body reacted – his latest trick.

'Stubborn little kike. Daddy's gonna have to teach ya a lesson.' I sniggered because he'd betrayed himself, gone out of character.

'Fuck you!' I hissed. Unshed tears were burning under my eye-lids. But I wouldn't let him see – I wouldn't!

He carried on, mingling racial slurs unjustly aimed at me and other filthy insults as he poured them into my ear between groans and sighs of enjoyment. Eventually the pleasure completely took him over and he could only focus on that just before he shuddered on top of me as he came. He deliberately delayed it and stayed inside me before he finally pulled out as if he simply couldn't bear to.

After that, I got up as quickly as my shaking legs would let me and headed for the shower to scrub myself raw of him. It was against the rules but I was far from caring at that point.

He chuckled and let me go. 'Think you've earned that shower, son.' He called after me – letting me know that he knew what I was thinking.

Another way of fucking me – not even my thoughts were hidden from him. Just like with Merle who sometimes knew what I was thinking or feeling without me telling him. Did he know now? Despite the distance between us wherever he was?

I wished he could at the same time I wanted him never to know my shameful secret.

'Merle.' I whispered but it came out as a half-sob. 'Ya don't know...ya don't know what he's doin' otherwise ya would never leave me alone with him.'

Feeling desolate, I slid down to the tiled floor of the shower-stall and buried my head in my knees, letting the water run over me for what felt like hours but I still didn't feel clean and he left me alone. I knew from experience I never would but it was a nice illusion for a while. Besides, I enjoyed the warm water at first as it slowly soothed me, making me feel better, exactly like little, light caresses all over my body until it started to grow cold.

Like I was loved. Why then did my thoughts stray to my brother then and I imagined him touching me all over. Hesitantly at first, pausing every now and then as if to ask me for permission before growing bolder but still taking care as he gently and slowly explored me before venturing into my private parts! Shit! Fuck! In my head, Merle, when he touched me, couldn't have been more different from Dad if he'd tried and that's maybe why the thought of him excited me. Not least because it was forbidden. I looked down at my swelling erection in shock as I ordered the sinful fantasy away. Dixon to the last, I stubbornly resisted the temptation to touch myself and tried to distract myself instead. The now rapidly cooling water should have helped with this. But it didn't.

You're as sick as he is! I scolded myself as I ordered my imagination to stop running amok. You're a fucking pervert too!

Maybe being a pervert runs in the family? Incest is best, big bro!

I laughed out loud mirthlessly at that thought before I realised he might hear and come to break the door down or force me to put on a show for him. Strangely, I was past caring about getting punished for letting the water run for so long but no way did I want to remind him and bring him there.

I don't know how long I stayed under there until I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard his loud, angry thumping on the bathroom door.

'Ya still in there, boy? Get the fuck outta there! Ya usin' up all the hot water!... 'Sides, how about another go before ya go to bed?'

I cringed back against the shower-stall instinctively out of long habit even though the bastard wasn't actually in the bathroom with me and shuddered because there were no prizes for guessing what he meant. I didn't bother answering, not even to tell him to 'Fuck off'. I knew from experience that he was fully capable of breaking down the door if I made him mad enough.

Luckily, I had noticed the tell-tale slur in the pervert's voice, telling me he was more than half-way drunk as a skunk already and it gave me hope. No one could throw them back as quickly as my dear old Dad.

I dried myself quickly with the towel and put on the clothes I'd grabbed – same ones I'd been wearing before my father undressed me. I probably wouldn't have time to change my clothes or grab a new set but right then, I didn't care. Just getting away from my father and not being fucked by him again tonight was all I could focus on.

I waited as long as I could, all the time dreading the sound of his heavy footsteps thundering up the stairs and ordering me out of the bathroom again but none came. I listened a while until I judged the time was right and ran for it. Not even risking stopping in my bedroom to grab more stuff except my wallet. Ran down the stairs and saw him slumped in his armchair, the half bottle of cheap whiskey the table beside him. The TV was blaring out as I ran out of the front door and straight onto the street, closing it as quietly as I could.

I made straight for the woods, of course.

….

Daryl

My new-found freedom didn't last long... a cop found me at daybreak the next day – a local one and he knew our family. Jones was his name.

'Ya OK, son?' I jumped when he'd found me in the bushes still sleepy and blinking my eyes at his intrusion. 'What ya doin' there? Did ya sleep out here all night?' He eyed my facial bruises and split lip perfunctorily with little shock or surprise.

'No, Sir.' I lied automatically as I struggled to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. But the pigs liked it if you deferred to them.

'I know ya, ya one of the Dixon boys, ain't ya?'

'Yeah, and? Do ya mind lettin' me go?'

He grinned sheepishly and dropped his hand from my arm. I sighed with relief and ran for it but he tackled me and pulled me back to him easily.

'Ya ain't goin' nowhere, son. ''Cept home.'

'No... Please...' I let my emotions get away from me and I never meant to show them. He frowned at the panic in my voice and at the fact that I had nearly burst into tears.

'Ya scared to go home, boy, that it?' Now he was measuring my black-eye and swollen nose – he couldn't see my stomach. I hadn't risked wasting time looking in the mirror – just had to get out of there. He knew it was my father who was responsible for both and this was clear in his expression.

'No, ain't scared of nothin'!' I snarled.

He shook his head and clucked his tongue in annoyance but still looked at me like he didn't believe me.

'Jus' let me the fuck go, will ya.' I angrily shook him off. 'It's summer vacation and 'sides, I'm 16 and left school already. Can do what I want now!'

'Oh really? Then mind ya language. Anyway, ya don't look 16, 14 more like.' He peered at me and something about the way he was looking at me when he said this sent chilly fingers racing up and down my spine.

'It's OK, ya can let me go. Don't have to do nothin'.'

'Maybe but ya still a minor. Shouldn't be sleepin' without a roof over ya head a night...There's sickos roamin' about who would take advantage of a boy like you. I gotta check this out.'

'No, ya don't! Told ya I was fine!'

'I'm still takin' ya home. I need to check that everythin' back there is OK.' He pushed me into the car but in the front, making sure to duck my head like I was a criminal but I hadn't done anything wrong this time! Except run away from my psycho father!

'Ya wastin' ya time 'cos it is! Told ya, there's no problem!' I stared at him because how come he wasn't staying out of Dixon business like all the other cops? It was a kind of an unspoken rule where we came from and he was no rookie.

'Well, there's nothing to worry about, is there then?' He shrugged and ignored me. Well, I couldn't say I was used to riding in cop cars unlike Merle but it seemed strange that he had insisted that I ride in front with him. Alarm bells started ringing in my head when 'Officer' Jones put a hand casually on my leg and left it there as if he forgot where he'd put it.

'Get off me.' He chuckled and immediately took it away as I jerked back as far against the window as I could and huddled there. Even then I wasn't sure if I had imagined it or what he wanted. He started driving then while I sat in sullen silence.

I started shaking and found it difficult to breathe as we drew nearer home. I just couldn't help it.

He turned and looked at me oddly.

'Jus' let me out here.' I told him softly as we got to the street before my mine. Even here was dangerous because someone might see us and report to Dad.

'I can't, son.' He sighed as if in regret and carried on going.

'Please.' I hated the pleading in my voice bur remembering that it was me bringing a cop to our door that had started the whole thing off, I wondered how he would 'punish' me this time. Because he'd be in for sure this time of the morning and we'd wake him up with a thumping hangover. I really, really didn't want to find out.

However, instead of taking me home like he said he would, the police officer turned and went back the way we came and then stopped down a narrow, deserted lane in a layby. Even that should have alerted me but it didn't. Maybe I was still half-asleep or in shock or something.

'Look, I know ya Daddy – everybody 'round here does. I can tell that you're really scared to go home, ain't ya, son? Why? What's gonna happen when ya do?' Worse was that dripping sympathy in his voice. By now, I could tell the difference between genuine and fake compassion.

'No, that ain't it...jus' drop me off here.' I was yanking at the door handle in my hurry but of course, he'd anticipated that and locked it.

He stretched out a finger and drew it across the top of my lip to the bottom and pulled it down suggestively. I was too shocked to react.

'What the fuck?' I jerked back in a hurry.

'So, ya don't want ya Daddy or your brother Merle to see a cop bring ya home. I can understand that. But I'm worried 'bout ya, son.' He shook his head mournfully. 'I really am. Are ya gonna help me put my mind at rest?'

'Dunno what ya talkin' about.' I decided to play dumb to buy myself more time.

'Oh, ya know, don't ya, son? Ain't so innocent or as young as ya look.

'What the fuck ya talkin' about?' I wasn't waiting to hear out the creep and I stupidly tried the door again – what else could I do? And it was still locked, of course.

'Let me the fuck out!' I yanked on it furiously – probably I was trying to break it so that I could escape.

'Sh...sh...' He put his hand on my leg again and stroked my thigh as if to calm me down. 'Jus' wanna a bit of fun, ya know?' He coaxed.

I froze in fear even though I should have expected this and he took the opportunity to wander further up my leg, closer to my private parts.

As soon as I recovered and before he could, I slapped his hand away and tried to reach for the button that would open all the locked doors – cop cars had these apparently, but no such luck since I had to reach over him to get to it. I cursed at myself for making it so easy for him and for being so naïve.

'Now, now. Calm down.' He laid a hand on my shoulder but I shook it off again.

'Piss off!'

'Tell you what...play nice and I might only need to touch you to get myself off.'

'In your dreams, asshole. Let me out!' I was panicking for real now and my breath was coming out harshly. As usual, like with Dad, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

'OK, no touchin'. I get that. Well, by that I mean I won't touch you if ya don't want me to but let's do a deal. Ya make me feel good and I won't drive ya right up to ya front door. Nobody need even know.' His voice was quivering with lust.

'No!'

He cuffed me then just like Dad did sometimes in the way some men do to young boys - not to hurt them but to warn them. He was telling me that he would inflict real pain on me unless I obeyed. Unlike with Dad, however, I whirled round and bit him like an animal hard enough to draw blood.

'Ain't doin' it no more!' I yelled defiantly.

'Ow! Ya little scumbag!' He howled, sucking it. In his pain and shock, he didn't even ask me what I meant by 'no more' before he viciously bank-handed me for that so hard that I saw stars as my head struck the headrest and my lower lip split and started bleeding.

Again.

I reached over to push the same button I saw him touch while he was distracted but he saw and drew his gun. 'Ya thank ya stars that I'm a nice guy and won't really hurt ya for that. But I can be pushed too far...like fuck ya into a bloody, trembling mess instead if ya don't co-operate. Or maybe I'll save that for our second date.'

'Fuck you! Ain't gonna be no second date, pervert!' I yelled back defiantly even despite what he'd threatened me with.

'Ya lucky I'm straight 'n' jus' like a little suckin' off now and again.'

'Sicko.'

He chuckled, signalling me with his gun to get lower down on him.

'Ya make me do this and I swear, I'll bite ya dick in half!'

He chuckled. 'I like it when they're feisty. Makes it more fun.'

'I will!' But he was already pushing my head down with his good hand.

'No, ya won't. Not if ya don't want ya Daddy and maybe even ya big brother to have to tell me where your bruises came from.'

I sighed, knowing that he was right and that I wasn't going to get out of there in a hurry. Taking my silence as consent, he started to undo his belt.

I was panicking but I knew I had no chance in hell of getting out of the car unless he let me out, so I might as well make the best of the ugly situation. Put simply - I did as I was told. What was that compared to the stuff my own father made me do, anyway? I tried to look on the bright side of things and steel myself to go through with it.

'Now, I ain't askin' for much', he sighed and threw his head back and closed his eyes.

How did he know to pick me? Did I really have a sign around my neck? Does it say: My Dad fucks me and I slept with my teacher? I attract creeps?

He started touching my hair like Dad did when I lowered my head but I wasn't having that.

'I said don't fuckin' touch me!' I raised my head to glare at him. Wishing that I was in a better position to bite something far worse than his hand.

'Fine...fine...' He raised his hands in mock surrender while I bent my head and got to work.

It was disgusting.

He made an approving noise low in his throat as I opened his zipper but I flinched at the sound and closed my eyes, trying to picture myself in that car with someone else.

The image of my brother automatically came to mind but I shoved that away immediately. I put it all down to the stress of it all making me imagine him instead. Then I thought of my teacher – he'd sure been appreciative of my efforts and repaid me well in kind.

Best of all, he hadn't forced me.

I used all my skills to make the bastard come as quickly as possible and he was obviously new to this because he didn't tell me to slow down. Meanwhile, I was just praying that no-one would see us but he'd chosen the place well...it was practically deserted this morning.

As I got to work, stubbornly doing the bare minimum yet trying to speed things up, I fought down the reflexes to retch as his other hand not around his hard dick slithered across my painful chest and stomach. I flinched and he drew back a little before he started touching me there again more cautiously!

It wasn't the pain that bothered me.

'No! I snarled and took a breather. 'How many times do I have to say it? No touchin'!'

I felt his hand leave me reluctantly.

He finally got the message and didn't try anything again until he came with a loud shout.

He considerately pushed that button again and the doors opened so I could spit him out on the ground and I had to admit that doing him was way better than doing my own father.

'See ya around, Dixon.' He grinned at me as he did himself back up and I got out.

'Wouldn't bet on it, pervert. Better watch ya back – ya pregnant wife and little girl know what ya like to do with teenage boys?' I sneered at him as I remembered his family just in time.

I was glad to see his face grow pale and I knew that he would never mess with me again. He shot off without looking back and I noted with satisfaction that his hands were shaking on the wheel. Even though I been used yet again, I had managed to fight back this time. Well, sort of. But why he targeted me weighed on my mind – no doubt he had heard the gossip about Mr Rogers and boys and just assumed. Probably that bastard Shane had told his Dad about us and it had already got around the whole damn cop shop. I guessed that they probably knew that it was Merle who had taken revenge but they either didn't have enough evidence or they were leaving him alone as a courtesy. Maybe they even felt my brother was justified (except it looked like at least one of them had taken a leaf out of Carl's book) and thought it was about time someone did something about him and were glad. I felt sick and guilty though because he'd never abused me, never forced me, never beat me, never cut me or burnt me with his cigarette not that he smoked anyway. These thoughts and more were racing around my head as I vomited and wiped my mouth to try and get rid of the taste of Jones.

As it turned out, it didn't matter, Officer Jones' police career together with his marriage went down in flames when he was caught six months later with kiddie porn – boys younger than me of course. But something about it smelled of a set-up, not that the asshole didn't deserve it, of course.

I think he didn't make it out of jail. Was beaten to death by inmates. Felt sorry for his family though.

Or maybe they got lucky when I thought about my own father and when we heard that he'd been looking at photos of naked little girls as well.