Caesar
Caesar lied there, on the couch, staring up at the ceiling in thought.
He had spoken with his son earlier in the evening, hanging on to every gesture, every sign as Blue Eyes had relayed everything that had happened since Caesar's 'death'. How Koba had brought the apes to the city to wage war in order to, supposedly, avenge Caesar. How he had rounded up the humans in cages, killing those who opposed.
How he had killed Ash. Imprisoned Maurice, Rocket, Luca, Roy… Even Orion.
He could see that it pained his son greatly to describe it as tears rolled down his cheeks and his pale, blue eyes glistened in the relative darkness of the room. His idolized view of Koba had been shattered in the span of just a few hours and, upon knowing that it was Koba who had attempted to kill his father, the last, impossibly small speck of hope the young chimp had nurtured for his honorary uncle had vanished instantly.
It tore at Caesar's heartstrings to see his son like this – he was much too young to have to experience something like this. To have the last remnants of his youth and innocence so brutally pulled from his grasp. Caesar knew what that felt like and would never have wished it for his own child.
And yet, when Blue Eyes spoke, actually spoke with his raw, huffing voice, Caesar knew that he had regained his son.
That their bond had been renewed.
That it hadn't all been for naught.
It was like seeing his son for the very first time all over again, only this time, he wasn't a fragile infant suckling at his mother's breast, but a grown ape with the sense and courage needed to face the cruelty the world had in store for him. For better or for worse.
The change in Blue Eyes' attitude was only confirmed to Caesar when the young ape had told him of his conversation with Lydia. How he had apologised and relayed the deep talk that had followed. He wasn't particularly surprised when his son began to ask him about his past in the house they were currently in. He figured that Lydia would have provided Blue Eyes with at least some information about the significance of the place. She hadn't revealed much, though. Just enough for Caesar to elaborate and tell of his life in detail when he woke up after the operation.
And so, he did, though it wasn't as thorough a retelling of his past as he would have liked to give. They simply didn't have the time for him to go into detail right now.
Blue Eyes was satisfied with it all the same, and didn't seem to harbour any hard feelings for not having been told about his father's past sooner. The Ape King guessed that he had Lydia to thank for that.
Afterwards, they had called in the others and laid a plan. Blue Eyes was to go back to the colony where the loyal apes were being held, free them and bring them back to the hiding place. Meanwhile, Caesar would stay at his childhood home, recovering while the humans took care of him. When Blue Eyes returned with the others, they would escort their king to face Koba.
Caesar knew that he wouldn't recover completely in the time it would take his son to free the loyal apes, but it would have to do. If they didn't act quickly, who knows what Koba might do once he decided to move the females and young into the city. Caesar tried not to think too hard on that, the fear for his wife and youngest son's life gripping his heart like a cold iron fist.
When all had been planned out, Blue Eyes had taken his leave. The feel of his son's forehead against his own as they parted had warmed the Ape King's soul immensely. It had been so long since they had shared such a gesture. And when Blue Eyes had reached out and wrapped Lydia in a fierce embrace as he departed, Caesar knew for certain that Koba's ideals were no longer Blue Eyes'. That the young ape was no longer influenced by the hatred Koba had fed him.
He had noticed how Lydia had returned the hug just as fiercely and that her deep, blue eyes had glistened in the low light as Blue Eyes went out the door.
When the adolescent was out of sight once again, loping calmly down the street he had come from hours before, the humans had agreed to take a rest. None of them had gotten any sleep since the colony had been set on fire and each now seemed to be slouching forward from fatigue as they walked around the house. Lydia especially looked to be in dire need of some rest, though Caesar couldn't tell if she actually did need it more than the others or if he just thought so because he knew all her tells. He had had five years to learn them, after all.
The Ape King had expected her to protest all the same when Malcolm had offered to take the first shift as lookout, yet Lydia had only nodded gratefully along with the others and made herself comfortable on the floor beside Caesar's own resting place on the couch. So, borrowing one of the trio's sleeping bags to lie on, she now slept deeply beside Caesar as he let his hand hang down to rest against her back.
He suspected that it was his familiar touch, combined with more than a day and a half of no rest, that made her able to sleep so heavily now. He couldn't really blame her at all – though he did envy how sleep had come so easily to her. The drugs Ellie had administered to lessen his pain and keep him somewhat sedated had made Caesar drowsy, sure, but his constant worry and the jabbing pain in his chest kept dragging him back from that blissful, quiet realm of sleep time and time again. More than once, he had resisted the urge to groan out loud in frustration when he awoke from only a few minutes of sleep and had, instead, channelled his energy into softly stroking Lydia's back through her shirt. She didn't even stir as his fingers moved, indicating that she was, indeed, far off into the land of dreams.
And so, he had resigned to staring at the dark, mouldy patches on the living room ceiling as the others slept soundly, their quiet snores filling the stifling silence of early night-time.
It was only now, when he was truly alone with his thoughts, with no burning, open wound in his chest and no one to fuzz over him like worried hens, that he had the time and mind to think about exactly where he was right now. To really let it sink in as the scents of the house flooded his senses.
It was so strange being back here, in his childhood home. He had never expected to go back after Will had passed away and certainly not in the company of others. Yet the more he thought about it, the more he began to realise exactly why he had brought these people here.
At first, he had thought it was simply because they had nowhere else to go, seeing that the human colony had been taken over – but that had been a blatant lie he had told himself. There were plenty of places they could have gone to, as all houses in this quiet suburb now stood gapingly empty and abandoned. Why, they could have gone just next door to old Hunsiker's house and no one would have even realised this was Caesar's childhood home to begin with. He could have kept them all in the dark if he had wanted to.
But that was just it, he had realised. He didn't want to do that. Not anymore. These people had gone out of their way to try and save him rather than run away, tail between their legs, like any other rational creature would have done, given the circumstances. They could be trusted, he was sure of that now. And most of all, he was tired of hiding it. Tired of hiding the reason why he had given these humans all those chances. They deserved to see. To know.
He felt Lydia stir slightly in her sleep and he pressed the entire palm of his hand against her back to calm her. It was good that she was leaning forward on her side so that her back was more exposed to him – otherwise, this position might have been awkward in his current state. As it was now, though, the action didn't pull at his stitches or worsen the dull ache in his chest in any way, and thus, he was able to splay his fingers out across Lydia's back comfortingly, feeling how she unconsciously leaned into his touch.
He was glad that she was here, safe and sound at his side, rather than out in the chaos that Koba had created. Caesar knew that had she not found him with Malcolm, Ellie and Alex back at the forest's edge, she would most likely have gone to the city in search for Roy and Orion – a sentiment he could understand, sure, but nonetheless one he didn't want her to act on.
He didn't doubt that she could handle herself and manage to stay hidden as she devised a plan, but he knew that she would most likely not be able to use deadly force to defend herself against any apes that, against all odds, might have found her. They had been her family for so long now that Caesar knew the mere thought of harming them was inconceivable to Lydia – no matter their betrayal.
No. It was better she was here. Safe and sound. With him.
He almost winced as the last thought came to mind, guilt sneaking its way into his heart. Both of their respective mates could be in grave danger and didn't know if either of them were even alive or not and here he was, thinking of her like that yet again.
And it wasn't the first time since they had been reunited after the attempt on Caesar's life.
He had reasoned that he had wanted to be close to her in this time because she was a familiar presence. A recognisable constant that he found comfort in as the world seemed to crumble around him. And while that was not exactly a lie, it was also not the entire truth of it either.
His brow furrowed as he stared into the relative darkness of the room, cursing his traitorous heart for harbouring such feelings for someone else than his beloved wife. And someone who was spoken for, to boot! The Ape King gritted his teeth in thought. At least he could blame the blood loss for the way he had sought out Lydia's touch at every chance he had gotten. He hadn't been in his right mind, then. Otherwise, he would have maintained a more respectful distance, as he had always done.
He slightly increased the pressure of his fingertips against Lydia's back and heard her release a barely-audible sigh in her sleep. She felt warm through her shirt and the steady up and down-movements under his palm as she breathed was very meditative to the Ape King, lulling him into a state of semi-sleep. This was, at least partly, why he didn't notice how the rhythm of her breathing changed after what seemed like hours. It became more controlled, less regular and deeper, all without Caesar sensing a single thing until she began to turn around to face him, startling the Ape King into quickly removing his hand from her form.
He figured that was why she wore a slight frown when their eyes finally met as he looked down at her from his elevated position. This theory was confirmed when she, without saying a word, reached out to take hold of his hand as she sat up with her left side leaning against the couch, legs tucked halfway under herself on the floor.
Now, her tired-looking eyes took in the darkness of the room, and Caesar could literally see the cogs turning in her brain as she thought.
"It's still night…" Were the first words she spoke to him, so softly whispered that they might as well not have been said at all. Her tone told the ape that she hadn't been expecting it to still be dark outside, perhaps at first thinking that it was early morning when she awoke.
The Ape King nodded, unable to avert his green, gold-speckled eyes away from her. She was close enough for him to make out her expressions clearly as the pale moonlight shone through the dirty windows, and her pale skin seemed to almost glow as she faced him.
"You should go back to sleep." Caesar signed, not wanting to wake up Alex and Ellie, who were on the floor just beside Lydia. He knew his voice would be too deep, gravelly and uncontrolled to whisper as Lydia did, and that it would surely wake the other occupants in the room.
Looking over at them to make sure they were still asleep, Caesar noticed how Blaze had elected to huddle up against Alex furthest away from the couch. The canine had taken quite a liking to the young human male in the past couple of hours, he had noticed, perhaps sensing that the boy needed the extra attention on some level. Dogs were smart like that, Caesar knew from years of having these two in his colony.
Storm had chosen to stay near Lydia, lounging by the woman's head as she slept. The female canine was almost invisible in the darkness with her stormy coat of fur, which Caesar could hardly make out from where he was lying anyway.
Lydia shrugged at his comment as she brushed her fingers over the back of his hand.
"So should you… Thoughts about Blue Eyes and the others keeping you awake?" She tilted her head as she whispered the question, her deep blue orbs filled with curiosity and concern. It was an innocent question. One he could have easily evaded with an equally innocent lie, if he had wanted to.
But something about this whole situation simply compelled him to finally, albeit vaguely, tell her the truth. Maybe it was the way her hand felt inside his own. Or how she looked at him with tired, inquisitive eyes.
Or maybe… It was simply because she hadn't drawn away from his touch even once since they had been reunited, no matter how close or drawn out.
"Yes… Among other things." He confessed, looking her straight in the eyes as he signed the words.
She nodded her head softly as she turned her gaze down to stare at their linked hands and his eyes followed hers to observe how his massive, calloused hand engulfed her slender, more delicate one.
"What things, exactly?" She ventured, for once sounding unsure of herself. It was as if she knew, but didn't dare have it confirmed – if he knew her as well as he thought he did, that was most likely the case.
There was a pregnant pause in which Caesar felt Lydia's hold of his hand tighten ever so slightly.
The silence was stifling to the Ape King – something he could scarcely remember ever having experienced in her presence… well, except for that one time three years ago…
Quick, unbidden flashes of what he had seen that day came to mind, making him move his head to look at anything but the woman in front of him to rid himself of those images. They were not helpful right now.
"Difficult things. Things that should not change. Cannot change." He decided to say, after much internal debate on how to word his thoughts. He let go of her hand to reach up for her face, brushing the very tips of his fingers against her soft, smooth cheek and tucking away a stray lock of dishevelled hair. Her sharp, barely-audible intake of breath at the action told him that she had also felt the slight spark of electricity it had induced.
"But they have…" He concluded, speaking out loud for the first time since his talk with Blue Eyes. His voice was, as he had expected, deep and gravelly, though the sentence had been too quick for it to stir any of the room's other occupants.
Lydia nodded as she leaned into his touch, his hand cupping her cheek with the action. Caesar let his thumb brush across her lips as he stared intently into her blue eyes. He knew he could be incredibly hard to read – several of the apes had told him so throughout the years – so right now, he was very conscious of how his feelings were conveyed through his features.
Willing her to understand that he wanted – but couldn't.
She seemed to of the same mind as she matched his expression, lips slightly parted against his thumb and eyes full of guilt and apology.
"I love him too much, Caesar." Lydia signed after what seemed like ages of them staring at each other, though, in reality it had probably only been for a minute or two. Caesar couldn't rightly tell why she had chosen to sign rather than speak, as she had previously done up until now. Maybe she didn't trust her voice to say the words, or maybe she didn't want anyone else to hear in case Alex or Ellie were awake and they just hadn't noticed.
Either way, the words stung slightly – yet he knew that it was the same for himself. He loved Cornelia too much to pursue… whatever this was. She was the love of his life, his anchor.
Still, some part of him was relieved that he had gotten this off his chest and spoken to Lydia about it, even if nothing was going to happen between them. It had been gnawing at his conscience for too long. The fact that she seemed to be facing the same dilemma somehow made him feel less foolish and guilty about it, too.
Caesar still hadn't removed his hand from Lydia's cheek as he nodded in understanding, pressing his rough lips together with a deep sigh.
"It won't change if we don't let it, Caesar. You are still a dear friend to me. I don't want to lose that." Lydia signed steadily, though he could see a concern in her eyes that hadn't been there before. Like she was afraid he was going to reject her friendship now that the truth was out – no matter how vaguely it had been articulated.
He wouldn't, though. Their relation meant too much for him to simply discard it.
"Nothing will change. At least not for us." He agreed with a tired-looking upturn of his lips, brushing his thumb over her cheek before letting go of her face and moving the appendage to rest against his own stomach.
"But everything else is changing." He added, a mournful look on his features. As he had said to Blue Eyes earlier, it was Caesar who was really to blame for this whole mess. He had trusted Koba, choosing to overlook his hatred because he is an ape, and now everyone was paying the price for it – including Lydia.
The woman at his side shrugged.
"All the better to have some constant, I would say." Was her nonchalant answer as she seemed to be trying to lighten the mood.
He liked that about her. She had a way of finding something positive in almost every situation and he did have to agree with the point she made just now. It was good to know that he could rely on her, even if all else crumbled. The feelings they harboured for each other wouldn't change that.
Lydia turned on the floor so her back was resting against the couch, pulling her legs up against her chest so she wouldn't kick Ellie accidentally – the living room was a tad bit narrow, after all.
"And besides, don't beat yourself up about it now. We can't change the past. All we can do is make sure you get your strength back so you can set him straight." She signed with easy movements, her upper body still turned slightly towards him so he would be able to discern her gestures better.
He knew he did not look convinced when a crease appeared between her brows after she had said it.
"What is it?" She asked out loud, though still quietly enough not to disturb the others.
Caesar looked up at the ceiling in thought.
"If he does not listen. If I will have… to kill him. How can I? He is ape." Caesar asked as he let a deep frown overtake his features. He had been giving this a lot of thought over the past few hours.
Would he be able to kill another ape? Just like that?
True, Koba's crimes were already stacking up against him, but if the Ape King killed the bonobo, would he not just prove Koba right? Or worse, would he not just prove that he was exactly the same as Koba?
Lydia scoffed beside him and regarded the Ape King with a grimace that told him she thought he was being ridiculous.
"Koba stopped being an ape long ago, Caesar. He has become exactly like the humans he hates so much. Worse, even, if that's possible. He has become the animal they always told him he was."
She said it so effortlessly – like it was the simplest truth to ever have been told.
"You two never liked each other." Caesar countered. "How can you tell what he was before and what he is now?"
"I don't need to have an unbiased opinion of him to see what he is now, Caesar. He killed Ash and he tried to kill you. Nothing is stopping him from doing it again, either." As she said it, she maintained a hard look on her face, staring pointedly at the ground with a deep frown.
But when she looked up to face him again, Caesar saw a twinge of fear in her eyes as she stared into his own, green ones.
"Caesar… listen…I..." She bit her lip and moved her hand to brush a stray lock out of her face before she continued. "I want you to promise me… If push comes to shove between you and Koba… If he-… just, please, promise me that you won't hesitate to defend yourself by any means necessary if it does turn ugly… I don't want to lose you… again."
The imploring, almost pleading edge to her signing tugged violently at Caesar's heart and he could do nothing but nod his head at her. He owed her that much, he knew, and had their roles been reversed, he would probably have asked the same thing.
"I promise." He added as quietly as he could, almost wincing at how loud his own voice seemed in the silence of the room.
"Good. Now get some sleep." She smiled softly at his response, seemingly relieved and comforted by it. He released a soft grunt of laughter at her words, signing a simple 'alright' as he wiggled slightly into the couch to make himself more comfortable, mindful of his freshly-stitched wound.
Then, Lydia turned her torso to face away from him and laid her head back to rest against his stomach, prompting Caesar to lay one hand atop her head. She had taken her hair out of her customary braid and the Ape King could now feel how it lay thickly and lusciously beneath his palm.
He couldn't help but card his fingers through it gently as he averted his gaze back towards the ceiling, much more at ease than he had felt only about an hour or so ago.
It didn't take long for sleep to find him now. Within a mere ten minutes, he was fast asleep, his hand resting with its digits tangled in Lydia's hair. He was vaguely aware that it probably wasn't the best position for her to sleep in, but she didn't seem to pay it any mind at all as she quickly fell asleep.
They were both briefly awoken as Storm had gotten up and moved over to rest her head in Lydia's lap, receiving a brief pat on the head before Lydia's breathing once again evened out as she fell back asleep.
And that was how Malcolm found them when he came into the room to wake Ellie for her to take over guard duty a few hours later. Caesar was semi-conscious again by the time the human man entered the living room, his rest still not as deep as he would have liked.
He saw how Malcolm and Ellie exchanged amused looks at the sight before them, unaware that the Ape King was watching with half-lidded eyes.
Even so, Caesar could hardly bring himself to care about it anymore.
This moment, right here, with Lydia, was probably the last time he would ever get to be this close with her – and that's even if things went well once he would have to face Koba.
For now, he would take what he could get and, for once in his life, not worry about tomorrow.
