Week 2
Katniss checked the number a second time, then a third. Then a fourth.
That couldn't be right.
Her stomach sank slightly and she fought to keep her expression neutral.
It was the start of week two for Peeta and she'd gotten him back on the scale and even coaxed him into taking another set of pictures against the blue backdrop. He'd blushed less and hadn't turned that funny shade of pink, but she could tell it was no easier than it had been the week before. He'd been to see her three times in a week and while she wasn't expecting a miracle, she absolutely dreading what she had to tell him.
Peeta hadn't lost a pound.
He'd gained one.
"Well, uh….we're up a p-pound," she stammered, her awkward inflection not lost on him.
Cue the pink, ruddy blush, and she officially felt like shit. Shit. The silence between them seemed to stretch on forever, her mood sinking like a stone.
"I….I haven't lost anything?"
His tone was one that was carefully guarded. She could tell he was discouraged – who wouldn't be? Katniss gently ushered him off the scale and out the door. She'd never get him back into the weigh-in room at this point.
"No, but there are reasons for that."
Peeta hung his head, but quickly lifted it up to listen to what she had to say. He seemed to perk up only slightly at her explanations, everything from water weight to his body building up muscle. Silence followed, thus making her feel even more like shit. It seemed to be a theme. Panic and training kicked in and she heard herself rattling off data and information around the first few weeks of a fitness plan and what could explain his gain. It might not be in his control, she told herself. Of course he could be going home every night and binge eating nothing but garbage – she wasn't there with him, but something in the way his eyes were utterly deflated of all hope told her what she'd needed to know – Peeta had truly tried that week and his results were a genuine shock. In her heart, she knew he wouldn't have willingly stepped onto that terrifying metal scale if he'd had something to hide.
The world 'defeat' rattled around in her head until she had to concentrate to speak.
She'd wanted to badly for him to have a tiny victory on that scale.
"I think I know what we'll focus on this week," she started, trying to make her voice sound bright. "Let's focus on weights and eating."
Peeta looked up at her, his eyes still a stormy blue. He was disappointed. Not that he shouldn't be – seven days was a long time to work towards a goal to only go backwards. The need to tread carefully was high.
Stopping, she put her hand on his arm and halted as soon as they got to the entrance of the weight room.
"I know…this is hard. And it's…even harder to go backwards," she offered lamely, finally getting the courage to speak. "But…we'll keep at this. I'll help you, just…don't get discouraged and quit…okay?"
His eyebrows rose slightly, his lips parting. She watched his mouth carefully, raising her eyes back up to meet his soft blue ones. He watched her for a moment before nodding dumbly and glancing down at her hand on his arm. Pulling it back, she offered him a crooked smile that she hoped looked comforting.
When he spoke next, he floored her.
"I'm not going to give up, Katniss," his voice was low and rough. The emotion of the moment in the weigh-in room had clearly stuck with him, but there was a thin, underlying sound of determination there that made her take notice. The stormy look in his eye had faded into something else, something softer yet still somehow just as hard.
He really does have pretty eyes.
She could only nod.
"Now…what do I need to do?"
Kpkpkpkpkp
He sort of regretted asking when she told him.
"We're going to talk to Annie, our registered dietician. She's going to talk to you about your diet," her voice was full of a new determination as she marched forward.
"Diet?" he muttered quietly to himself. The reality of his situation was once again kicking him in the gut.
The scale incident had been horrible, there was no denying that. But sitting down with a dietician was going to be awful, and there was absolutely no denying that either. Peeta knew that his sedentary lifestyle mixed with his work environment and eating habits had gotten him to where he was. That, and, he freaking loved food.
He knew explaining that to a person whose job it was to study healthy food and have eating right down to a science was going to be difficult. It wouldn't do him any good to worry, he supposed, because his body didn't hide the fact that he loved food and ate the way he did. Now, it was time to face the music.
They stayed on the second floor as Katniss led him over to an area of tiny offices. Rapping gently on the door, she pushed it open and smiled at the girl sitting behind the desk.
"Annie? This is Peeta. Can you page me when you're all done here?"
The tall, red haired girl offered them both a warm smile and stood to shake his hand. "Of course I can. Thanks Katniss."
Katniss handed his file to Annie and gave him a light hearted smack on the shoulder. "I can help you a lot, but what Annie can teach you will be invaluable. I'd take notes," she offered before backing out the door. Peeta nodded shyly, feeling his blush return at the contact. It never ceased to amaze him how one little touch from his trainer had his head spinning slightly.
"My name is Annie," she greeted kindly, gesturing for him to sit down. "So you're Katniss' client? The one who owns the bakery?"
"Well, with my family, yes," he chuckled. "Sooo…that kinda explains why I'm here."
She laughed and he realized he already felt somewhat at ease with Annie. Her office was brightly decorated with flowers and motivational posters that were borderline cheesy but nice all the same. A certificate boasting that she was a registered dietician hung on the wall behind her in a place of honor, separate from the other pictures of friends and family.
"That's my first question actually! What brings you here? It looks like this is…" she shuffled through the papers Katniss had handed her, "Week two?"
"Yes. I'm uh…up a pound."
"There can be a lot of reasons for that," she offered sympathetically. "I hope you're not beating yourself up about that, are you?"
Annie was easy to talk to and Peeta was once again discovering he shouldn't be as apprehensive when it came to trying new things. She was kind and seemed to understand where he was coming from as he talked about his passion for food, his work, his eating habits, and the way his body had changed over the years. She confirmed his medical history before talking about his family members and their weight. They discussed what he normally consumed in a day and the foods he gravitated towards and craved, Peeta detailing all the slightly embarrassing choices he'd made when it came to what he'd put into his body. It wasn't easy, but he felt so fed up that he didn't see any other way out of it. He clearly needed help.
"You've told me a lot about what your habits are. That can't be easy to talk about," she said gently, putting her pen down.
He licked his lips and twisted his hands in front of him. "It's…not. But I know I can't keep up with this. And it's not like my family can help me. They're as bad as I am."
"Sometimes the people closest to us enable us without even realizing it. Sometimes they blame it on habit, or tradition, or even love. Food is a powerful thing for people Peeta, you aren't alone in that. Sometimes you eat alone, sometimes you eat with others. If your family is like this, I'll be honest – this will be a really tough road without their support or understanding."
His mother's face came to the front of his mind. A stab of insecurity shot through him at the thought. What would she say about all of this? He hadn't really talked about the last week with his family because he knew full well what to expect if he had – some jokes, some confusion, and when it came to his mother? There would be endless fat jokes, countless jibes and digs at him, and mockery at every turn. And if he failed at this? He didn't want to show his face again. She was very right though. His family ate and ate frequently. Food was the center of their social calendar and avoiding that would be hellish at best. He wasn't sure he had the willpower to turn down his father's cheesecake or his mother's lasagna. Peeta felt his shoulder droop at the thought of missing out on all of that good food that came with every family event.
"Will you family give you that?"
"I uh…I'm not sure I can count on all of them for understanding. Support I can do without, but…"
Annie shook her head. "You need support. But if your family and friends won't give it to you, then that's what I'm here for. My patients contact me all the time to talk about food choices and get backing when they need it most. A lot of this will be learned behavior and it's not easy, but it's possible. My hope for today is to give you a realistic idea of what this will be like but also to let you know that it's entirely possible."
He nodded. "I appreciate that. No, I uh…I know this will be tough. It already is."
She leaned back in her desk chair and offered him a sincere smile, her green eyes sparkling. "You seem like you're really ready to commit."
"I am," he nodded, his voice firm. None of the things he wanted would ever be achieved if he didn't get his act together. The life he wanted – the life he'd put on hold flashed before his eyes. No – he wouldn't be giving up on this, no matter what his mother or family said. He had wanted this enough to get himself to that point and there was no turning back.
"You can do this, Peeta, I have faith in you," she said. Coming from anyone else, it would have sounded forced and trite, but Annie had somehow made it heartfelt and sincere. Her happy smile from across the desk made him feel like anything was possible and it was suddenly clear why Katniss had wanted him to talk to her. "If I can do it, anyone can!" she gestured to a photo on her desk that his eyes had skimmed right on over earlier.
Leaning, he focused on it, his eyebrows shooting up.
It was a picture frame with two pictures in it – one, a girl who was clearly several hundred pounds overweight, and the other with Annie in a sleeveless, bright green dress. While he'd originally written it off as photos of two different people, they clearly were not.
"That's you."
"It's me," she said softly, her voice tinged with nostalgia.
"That's….wow," he chuckled. "That's fantastic. How did you…?"
She grinned, nodding good naturedly. It was a question she was clearly used to.
"I started slow. Just cutting out a few foods – bread, sodas, candy. Then I stepped it up and cut out processed foods and started exercising. Nothing fancy, just walking and swimming. Before I knew it….I was less than half of my original size. It wasn't fast and it wasn't easy, but…..worth it," she said, another face-splitting smile appearing. He grinned back at her.
"I went back to school to become a dietician and…just had my last skin surgery last year."
"You lost so much you had to have skin removed?"
She nodded. "You probably wouldn't, so don't worry too much. You made the choice to change in time, but I….didn't. I'd been so unhappy for years, so uncomfortable. I don't know what made me wait."
"Same here," he admitted, thinking back to that day in the bakery that had driven him to that point. He hadn't seen Glimmer since, but the rejections still stung as if it had been yesterday. He wasn't sure if the sting from that conversation with Glimmer would ever really fade. Peeta looked at the photo again. The girl on the left was large, but there was also a sadness and sense of discomfort in her skin that Peeta could easily identify. The girl on the left was practically radiating happiness. It was such a beautiful picture that he wanted to reach out and touch it to try to capture some of the joy emanating from it. He wanted that feeling. He wanted to feel change.
He wanted this and he would not give up.
Kpkpkpkp
The high from Annie's photograph stayed with him for several days. Hope was once again a feeling he felt he could grasp, and it continued with him into the week for his next session with Katniss. They'd done some dreaded cardio to start the session, but she's moved him to the weight room to see what he could do when she'd grabbed his arm and said in amazement, "You're strong."
The compliment had made him almost drop whatever dumbbell he was holding as her firm grip on his arm sent him stammering, but he'd finally managed to thank her for the compliment. She's looked embarrassed after that, quietly instructing him through the rest of their weight lifting session.
"I'm not as good with the weights, I don't do these as much as I should," she admitted, taking the weight from Peeta and placing it back into its spot on the rack.
"Oh?"
"Yeah, it's not really my thing. I had to ask Gale for help. He uh, works here," she added, worrying he would think she didn't know what she was talking about.
Peeta paused a moment, a strange look flitting across his face. "Oh, no, that's fine. We all have what we're good at. So what is?"
"What's what?"
"What's your 'thing'?"
She thought a moment, her silvery eyes pensive. "I like to run when I'm pissed, or in a bad mood or whatever. I don't do it for exercise – shit!- I shouldn't admit that," she giggled, but shrugged. "But the only time I really run is for that and not really because I should."
"I can understand that. When I've had a bad day I just…knead the bread like a really mean it, ya know?" he joked. "Punch the crap out of it and all that."
"Do you really?"
"No," he chuckled dryly, "We use mixers. But I guess I could try it."
She burst out laughing, giving him a playful shove. "You seriously had me picturing you in a bakery, punching the shit out of some bread dough. Oh crap, I just said 'shit' again. I have uh…potty mouth. It got so bad when my sister was little she made me put a dollar in a swear jar," she admitted, wrinkling her nose.
"It's alright. She's younger, I take it?"
"Yeah, so I should technically know better, but…" she winced and shrugged her shoulders again. "Want to try a medicine ball?"
"What's that? Does it hurt?"
She grinned. "Sort of. But it's heavy and you're built for it, so I think you'll like it."
After cleaning up the weight area they'd used, she led him over to the mats and selected a large, heavy ball and showed him a few exercises to do with it.
"Would it help if I did a few reps with you?"
"Trainers do that?"
"Yes," she laughed, plopping unceremoniously onto the matt. "Here. I'll toss it to you, you catch like this," she demonstrated, "Go back, and use the weight to kinda catapult yourself back up. Toss it…there," she laughed nearly missing his toss.
They did a few reps of that until Peeta felt like he was going to vomit. It wasn't as horrid as it looked – it did hurt, but the burn in his core was one he found he sort of liked. He sat on the matt, wiping his forehead with a towel and panting. The way Katniss had grunted before hurling the ball at him had been weirdly cute, he realized with a little grin.
"That will hurt tomorrow," she chuckled. "But you're good at it. We did three sets. Grab some water and we'll do a different exercise with it."
Hauling himself up, he found his water bottle and guzzled half of it as Katniss walked over to the rack for an even heavier ball. He was about to groan in protest when another trainer he recognized walked around the corner. His rippling muscles were showcased in the typical Panem Fitness attire and his pale blond, spiky hair was perfectly coifed. He made a beeline for Katniss, strutting jerkily over to her. Peeta watched, not even sure why he automatically thought the guy a jerk, but it was just something in the self-assured confidence he gave off. Something in the way he walked and moved was just…well, utterly douche-like if he was being completely honest with himself. The blond guy made a comment to Katniss, briefly brushing shoulders with her as he leaned down to tell her something. Peeta's stomach lurched slightly as Katniss looked up at her coworker before uttering something he couldn't hear. Whatever it was sent the blond guy on his way, laughing loudly as he continued with his day.
Peeta looked at his water bottle, studying it as he waited for her to return. She hadn't said anything about him, had she? Something mocking, something that had sent her coworker into a fit of laughter? No, he realized, she wouldn't do that. It was stupid of him to even worry about that. He hadn't known Katniss long, but already knew she had more character than that.
The look on her face when she turned around was stormy. She stalked back to their place on the mat and let the medicine ball drop to the floor with a loud slam.
"You okay?"
She snorted, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, just….never date your coworker."
New Year, new chapter!
Happy 2018 everyone! I hope this update finds you all well and ready to face the year. This felt like a fitting fic to update on New Year's Day, doesn't it? I am all moved into my new home and all set up in my office (yay!) so I hope to get some writing done here while the weather is so icky.
Thank you for reading! I am behind on my review replies, but please know that I read and value every one! I enjoy hearing your thoughts on this story.
