Chapter 64: Everybody's Fool
Is this the chapter when Merle finally finds out? Maybe. I know, I'm a tease. Things also seem to be hotting up between the 2 Dixon boys. Will something happen between them? It will if Dad has anything to do with it.
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Daryl
Three weeks had passed since the fiasco at the cabin. I slipped into my brother's bed whenever he was at home and I could get away from my so-called father. Most of the time, it was late and he was already asleep. Or so he seemed to be.
That evening, after enduring our father's assaults on my body all day while Merle was out, I found refuge with him.
He was fast asleep and snoring loudly but he tightened his arm around me instinctively when I rested my head on his chest without saying a word. We lay there for a while but then out-of-the-blue, he kissed the side of my throat and my body responded! His mouth on my skin from that single kiss sent bolts of electricity running down my body. It was like kissing Eric or being with my math teacher but way more intense.
What the fuck! I tried to ignore my excitement at his touch. I sensed that he had his eyes closed – we were in pitch black darkness.
But it got worse. He started running his hands down my body over my clothes, slowly and cautiously at first before he paused as if asking me for permission. Taking my silence as consent, I guess, he started to touch me under them as well! Not like he had never checked me under them for bruises before but this, this was different! Rather than a perfunctory, big brother disgusted glance at my latest injuries or patting me down quickly, his touch was slow and lingering, worshipful almost.
I knew I should have stopped him but somehow, I couldn't. Instead, I squirmed and my heart started pounding at his long, gentle caresses –exactly as I thought he would that time I fantasised about when Dad made me touch myself in the shower in front of him! It made a change lately for me for this kind of intimate physical contact not being a source of fear and the contrast between him and my father was astounding.
I couldn't picture Merle hurting me in any way, especially not the same way our sick father did.
My breath hitched and I remember thinking: How far will I let him go? He must think I'm a girl. Yeah – that must be it!
He's doing it in his sleep, right? He doesn't know it's me? If there was sleep-walking, sure there was sleep sex, too? Why hadn't he said anything? Called me by a girl's name, for instance?
I found my body moving closer to him, arching into his touch in fact like I wasn't in control!
I told my pounding heart to slow down along with my breathing but I couldn't control that either. Especially, when he slowly inched his way down my navel, hovering just above it a couple of seconds before his fingers found their way under my clothes (my pajamas were pretty loose around the hips – I'd lost quite a lot of weight) to cup my ass in his hands!
And God forgive me, I liked it!
He gently kissed my throat again but this time lower down almost to my collarbone while squeezing my buttocks and moved his hands towards the front of me where I was hard. But when he didn't touch me there, I let out a small moan of frustration unwillingly! He only ran his hands up and down my sides and then down the outside of my thighs while I squirmed and panted despite myself. Longing for and dreading him to touch my swelling excitement. He parted my legs and I thought he was actually going to do it but he squeezed the inside of my thighs instead and raked them with his nails which had me panting. Yet he was still teasingly avoiding where I wanted his hands the most!
He did this a few times, stopping just before he reached my hardness, running his hands up and down until I almost becoming undone just from him doing that! I let out shallow gasps and moans that I tried to muffle with my hands. I didn't dare try to guide his to show him what I wanted. He was even better than my school teacher! Was it because we shared the same blood and therefore what we were doing was so forbidden?
Dad hadn't cared. And I wanted Merle to!
Then, just like that, his hands left me and he hitched me to him. He even considerately pulled my pajama bottoms back up so in the end, we were lying there decently together.
I closed my eyes and buried my face in his hard chest and, trying to ignore my pounding heart, wondering what the fuck had just happened as I struggled to force my desire for my own brother back down, down, down…
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was him announcing loudly in the morning: 'Wow! That was some weird sex dream.' He was used to waking up with me now. 'Thought that hot bitch Anna was here with me but we didn't do much.'
'Yeah.' I breathed and looked down, unable to meet his eyes. Was there a knowing twinkle in them? Was he mocking me? Some sick stuff Dad had implied about him and me seemed to be alarmingly making some kind of sense now.
And part of me wondered if he was just fuckin' with me - had tested me and I'd failed. After all, how normal was it to share your bed with your 21-year-old brother at age 16? Then again, how normal was any of this?
How normal was your own father forcing himself on you?
…
I must have been paranoid and he must have been innocent because he never touched me like that ever again, not even when I was in his bed when I could get there, that was. He still held me to him and stuff but he must have been telling the truth about dreaming about Anna, after all.
Part of me was bitterly disappointed but I think most of me was relieved. It was a pretty fucked up situation to begin with and I didn't need any more complications in my life. I was mostly certain that he didn't feel the same way or in any case, he didn't show it.
I was exhausted from the constant tension in my body, always waiting for Dad and even Merle being around a lot more hardly made a difference. Dad would just slip us out, take me and do it to me somewhere else or do it in another room and make sure we kept the noise down. He could do that when Merle had his rock music AC-DC blaring out full volume.
All my energy was used up getting myself out of his line of vision the best I could. I'd had months of it. Hoping not to remind him of what he was missing out on whenever he clapped eyes on me, I tried to keep in the shadows, so to speak. But he called for me and constantly threatened to kill Merle if I ran away again or didn't let him. I almost laughed out loud. Run away where? Me and Merle should have been out of his clutches a long time ago. I should've known better than to think I could ever escape him.
I would have to take my own fate into my own hands and do something drastic but Merle clearly needed 'motivation' to leave. I understood even back then that he was reluctant to leave all his girlfriends and his drug-dealing and doing God-knows-what-else buddies he'd grown up with. It would be a huge wrench but it wasn't like he loved or cared about any of his 'girls' and he could meet new people anywhere.
It was me who was slowly dying here, bit by bit. My spirit was anyway, even if I wasn't physically.
Yet I was just so tired, tired to the point when the randy fuck could enter my room late at night like he used to sometimes before dawn without me knowing. That was before my brother let me into his bed but now Merle had been out the night before and hadn't come home despite his promises (I guess he did his best) so I fell asleep in my own for once.
A fatal mistake.
I was out cold, to the point where he could undress me, arrange me so that I was on my stomach, legs spread apart without me even waking up. Then, he settled himself between them, lubed himself up and patiently waited.
I finally woke up when he shoved two fingers inside me where I was still sore from numerous 'punishments' from him that day and he knew that. Ready for it, he covered my mouth as I screamed in shock, due to the rude awakening, just as much as in pain.
I struggled hard and my terror grew when I realised that I couldn't move my hands or feet and that they were tied painfully tight to the legs of my bed – how could I have stayed asleep while he did that?
I did everything in my power to get him off me, but he just laughed at my futile attempts. He kept on moving his fingers in and out, occasionally scissoring them, making me whimper in pain. He hadn't tortured me like this for a long time but he obviously knew how much I loathed being tied up so this had become his favourite form of 'punishment' lately.
He was getting really reckless – he had me restrained buck naked and I sensed, rather than knew my brother wasn't next door. I guessed he couldn't stay at home 24/7 just to protect me.
'Ya sure ya wanna do this now? M…M…Merle's gonna be back anytime soon…'
'Shut up, BOY!' He cuffed me so hard that I couldn't hear out of my ringing ear for a few seconds or so. 'I hope he fuckin' is!'
I shook my head trying to fathom what he had just said. He wanted Merle to find out? What the fuck?
He scissored me particularly viciously for good measure before he took his fingers away. I hated myself for crying out in pain. He only laughed. Next, I heard him rustling behind me for his little tube of lube before he dipped his fingers in it and slathered them all over his dick, no doubt.
'What d'ya say to that? Jus' can't resist my little slutboy. Really, ya should feel bad for the way ya make me feel.'
'Fuck you! Ain't me – it's all you!'
'Ya sure right about that.' He chuckled filthily yet when I let out a raspy sound of pain as I felt him slither his way inside me none too gently as usual, he patted my cheek as if in comfort. But I didn't want any of his 'comfort' – not then, not ever again!
His fingers continued to sleaze their way down my skin, gently tracing the outline of my lips with his fingers and crawling down the front of my throat and scrabbling at my nipples. Just like I'd touched his recently in the woods when I was trying to hurry him up.
I nearly vomited.
His touches got rougher and more gropey in time with his increasingly violent thrusts.
'Merle!' I screamed even though I knew it was no use. I couldn't blame him – he had to go out sometime. Our house was depressing with our drunk father.
'Shut ya mouth. He ain't here, told ya. Came back at about 4am for a couple of hours shut-eye and told me he was going to close a deal and make us a lot of money and then go out for lunch with his buddies to celebrate.' Dad gripped my throat, squeezing it slightly while my heart dropped like a lead balloon in my chest. Make us a lot of money? Had he really said that to our father? All of it was meant to go towards our escape fund!
Dad piled on more of the bad news as he raped me: 'Don't worry, he won't be back to disturb us for ages.' He kissed me tenderly on the cheek and I wished I could badly wash that place on my skin he'd touched as that lead ball seemed to grow bigger, making it more difficult for me to breathe. I guess I'd got away with it for too long – sneaking into my big brother's bed and now it was payback time.
Payback time with interest.
However, my brother's choice of words wasn't my main cause of concern as I struggled to brace myself against the bastard's rapidly increasing thrusts. On my old child's bed that still fit me with its worn-out springs. Merle said he was going to close a deal then 'celebrate' with friends! That could mean 'they' would persuade him to spend 'our' money on booze and drugs or he would persuade himself. Either way, he never withstood their influence and he was no doubt going to come back in a useless state to help me! And probably without the money!
Dad must have known this and this was why he was being so careless. That's even if he came back tonight at all!
The bastard finally came inside me with a shudder and a sigh of contentment. At least he pulled out of me pretty quickly this time. My moment of relief was extremely short-lived, however; he had also taken to forcing me to snuggle with him until he could get it back up again and he got on top of me, still restrained and hugged me from behind. I could feel his limp member lying flat on my back and it was the most disgusting thing I had ever felt – even during the rape. Being trapped in this false intimacy was almost worse than what he did before because it reminded me of how his touch used to comfort me.
Now all it did was repulse me.
'Get off me! Let me go!' I tried to buck him off feebly. 'At least fuckin' untie me!'
His next words froze me with fear. 'Why? I only need a little while then we can do it all over again. Do you want that?'
'No, I don't!' I shuddered.
He laughed mockingly. 'Calm down, sweetheart. I ain't doin' nothin'.' He soothed, running one hand gently through my hair.
I shuddered at his touch. 'Yeah, you are!' My voice started to rise in anger. 'Even if ya ain't…ain't…r…right now…you…you…'
'What's the matter? Can't ya say it?'
I opened my mouth to finish the sentence and my lips were moving but no sound was coming out.
He groped me roughly underneath and shook me hard when I protested.
'Ya can't even say it out loud, so how ya gonna tell him? He probably won't believe ya anyway.'
'He will!'
He laughed disbelievingly.
His hand in my hair suddenly gripped it hard, warningly.
'Ya play nice now, like the hot, little slut ya are and stop pretending you don't want this and I won't hurt ya. Not too much, anyway.' He paused for effect when I let out a little moan of despair despite myself. 'That's generous of me considerin' what ya jus' nearly accused me of.'
I said nothing but shivered.
'Think I'll leave ya like this when I'm done with ya for ya beloved brother to find. That sound good to ya, huh, son?'
I frowned in confusion as I felt his fingers re-enter me. 'I mean, what about even fuckin' ya right in front of him? That would be downright amazing, don't ya think? Even that waste-of-space junkie couldn't miss that, could he?'
'Don't call him that! You're the one who doesn't deserve to breathe!' I braced for another slap at least for that but he only laughed.
I was terrified out of my wits at the prospect of him carrying out his threats but relieved on the other hand. At least one way or another, it would all be over. Merle wouldn't stand for this.
'Please, Dad, you're scaring me...' I hated it that I was already on the verge of whimpering whenever he mentioned whatever he'd planned for me. Showing fear, exposing my weakness when I knew that it turned him on all the more.
I'd whispered but even so the sick bastard heard me. Always on the alert for every tiny little noise of pain and discomfort leaking from me.
'Enough with the sweet talk, my pretty little slut, huh? Let's do it the other way.' He quickly unbound me and turned me over onto my stomach so I was facing him. He loved trying it in different positions. It was horrible because now he could see my expression and every tiny reaction – there was no escape. I fought him – slapping his hands away once one of mine were free but he only laughed and held me down effortlessly.
He didn't even have to tie me up but he was just a pure, evil sadist.
Then he pressed his lips against my temple while he murmured; 'Now, relax for me. It'll hurt much less that way if ya let me inside ya.'
I gave a half-hearted sob out of disgust and then closed my eyes before I tried to do what he told me.
'Come on, son. Open those pretty little legs for ya old Dad.' As if I had a choice. They were tied spread-eagled open just like he liked them. He continued to coax me while I wanted to puke my guts out. He'd said similar shit before and it always filled me with repulsion. I could never get used to him using that gentle, fatherly tone that he used to have when I was younger and upset and reconcile it with the things he was doing to me now.
In the middle of his assault (I knew he wouldn't be coming for a long time yet), I suddenly heard my bedroom door suddenly opening. Whoever it was had come up the stairs without a sound...like a predator. Or a spy.
And there he was, Merle. Dumbass, high-as shit- Merle. Even Dad hadn't heard him coming but then he had been distracted by me as his ecstatic moans clearly showed.
Speechless, his jaw had dropped and he was just staring wide-eyed at the scene before him.
It took dad a while to notice him, and when he did, the sick bastard smiled. Worse, he didn't stop and ignored my brother like he wasn't even there watching the whole damn thing.
Dad wasn't even surprised or embarrassed...almost like he'd planned it.
