Chapter 11 – Week 3


Every time the bell over the door jingled, Peeta's eyes jerked to the front of the store. He couldn't help it – he'd been a coward and now he was paying for it. He'd called his mother and skipped out on their family dinner the night before, claiming he hadn't been feeling well. The tone of her voice told him she didn't believe a word of it. It was only a matter of time before she questioned it, and Peeta had always been a terrible liar. Dealing with is mother just wasn't something he could bring himself to do. The determination to succeed in this new venture of his was absolute – that he was certain. It was just that…it felt early to broadcast it to the world.

Because what if he did fail? What if he did all of this and couldn't stick to it?

Okay, so maybe he wasn't so absolute after all. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

One day at a time, one day at a time….he chanted internally.

Admitting he was afraid to fail at this was more than he could handle, so he'd done what he could and faked sick to avoid his mother.

And her cooking.

Oh God, her cooking. Peeta licked his lips. His mother was a shrew of a woman that was true; however, she could cook. Denying himself his mother's cooking wasn't a skill he was well versed in. The easier option had been to simply avoid it completely, even if it was a coward's way out. Of course there was the option to just go and limit himself and use portion control and-

What was he even saying? He knew that was a dangerous game to play. No, he'd gone cold turkey and was convinced that would have to work for the time being. Being on a diet meant that he was hungry and he did not want to test fate by putting himself in front of a carb loaded, sugar crusted hell with a side of salt. Because that was what would have happened had he gone – his resolve would waiver and it was a slippery slope after that.

The uncertain look on Katniss' face the last weigh in day plagued him. She'd clearly been surprised he hadn't lost anything and that wasn't a moment he was willing to relive anytime soon.

His hand shook slightly as he adjusted one of the settings on the bread maker. The meal plan Annie, the dietician from the gym, had put him on did a good job of helping him cut out the foods he shouldn't be eating and give him more protein, but it sometimes left him slightly wanting and his body questioning it. She'd warned that it would be tough at first and his body would protest, but he hadn't realized it would be like this. He'd had a headache for a few days now and his stomach felt betrayed, if that was even a thing.

The list of foods he was allowed had perplexed him at first, simply because they weren't foods and methods he was used to. How did you pronounce quinoa, exactly? What did massaging kale include? Would chicken even cook without being coated in breading? He'd never explored food like this before. The journey he was on was not only taking him out of his comfort zone, but it was also taking him to areas of the grocery store he'd never cared to know about before. He'd shopped almost the entire time on the outer ring of the grocery store – to his complete shock, nothing on Annie's list called for him to even step foot into the aisles of canned and boxed foods. All of the food on her list was high in protein, fiber, and designed to kick his metabolism into gear and fuel him for his workout. It was power food. It was healthy food.

It was…

He glanced longingly at the case in the front of the store filled with cupcakes and cookies and sweet rolls and tried not to lick his lips.

It was the hardest thing he'd ever done.

No, he silently chided himself. He couldn't do that. He'd already screwed up and twice that week and allowed himself more than his allotted 'cheat' treats. Until this point he hadn't realized just how utterly addicted to sugar he'd been. Growing up, he'd always stayed active with sports and his brothers and hadn't sat still long enough to let the weight settle onto his body. Of course he'd been a little stocky, but an almost daily regimen of sports and exercise had helped keep the pounds at bay. According to Annie, that wasn't uncommon for bodies to shift and change as people aged. To his utter shock, Annie had given him a few ideas on what he could still eat as a treat every now and then, and he hadn't expected that. Every diet he'd tried told him to give up sugar and carbs and basically joy, so….the fact that he could still occasionally indulge left him more than a little surprised. She'd explained that he was easing his body out of his old habits while also hopefully keeping him from going on a wild, late night binge that would destroy everything he'd worked so hard to achieve.

Peeta was an emotional eater. He knew this. He knew that when he was contented, depressed, anxious, lonely, etc etc, he ate. Food was a friend and a fix for all occasions, happy, sad, and everything between.

But food had also gotten him to where he was now: staring, ravenously, at a cupcake like he hadn't seen nourishment in months.

Swallowing hard, he peeled his eyes away and pulled some almonds out of his apron pocket. The crunch was good and he knew it would take the shakiness out of his hands, but it didn't have the same creaminess of that marshmallow frosting-

"Peet?"

His father's voice cut through his little afternoon delight cupcake dream, making him jump like he'd been caught looking at porn.

"What?"

His dad frowned, looking around the empty storefront. "You uh….looked like you were concentrating on something. You sure you're not still under the weather?"

Peeta let out a laugh, shaking his head. "No, uh…well, I might as well tell you. I wasn't really sick last night dad."

"Oh?"

"No, I uhm….just didn't want to be around the family. And mom, but…erm, mostly…the food."

His father brushed the flour off his hands and leaned against the bakery counter across from him. "What's going on? You're not one to miss a meal."

"That's just it," Peeta replied wryly. "I never miss a meal."

His father's face was clearly confounded. Silence settled over them and Peeta felt his face heat up like it always did when he was embarrassed. Why was this so difficult? It shouldn't be humiliating to tell his father he was making a change in his life to better himself, but he couldn't help the fear and uncertainty that bubbled up in his stomach. The idea that he could go through all of this and still fail was not lost to him.

"Is this about that girl? Glitter?"

Peeta made a face. "It's…actually Glimmer, but, no….it's not about her. It's about me and the fact that I…I need to lose weight."

"What brought this on?"

He paused, feeling stupid. "Well….okay, you got me. That day I tried to uh, ask her out set me back. Got me to thinking."

"About what, son?"

"That….I don't want to be like this my whole life. She told me I was fat and that just…stuck with me and I couldn't think about anything else for days. I've been avoiding it out of laziness but I just…I'm not happy in this body and I feel trapped in it. Like it's literally weighing me down and holding me back from what I want to do in life."

His father peered back at him. His gaze wasn't judgemental, but it was curious. Peeta knew why – this was the first time he'd openly talked like this to his dad about his weight.

"Which is?"

"I want…" he paused, shaking his head, "I want a wife, and kids, and to run my own business someday. I want to feel okay seeing myself in a mirror and not feel like shit for weeks after buying clothes. I want to keep up with everyone around me and just…not hate myself."

He'd never said that out loud. His words seemed to hang, midair, for a moment as his father gave him a look of complete shock. Sadness washed over his features.

"Peet….you don't…you don't really hate yourself, do you?"

Peeta thought a moment. Maybe he was being honest, maybe a tad dramatic. But it didn't feel dramatic. It felt like a dose of reality on his soul to say that out loud.

"Sometimes I do. And those times really….they just outweigh the times when I don't."

His father uncrossed his arms and let his hands hang at his sides in defeat. "Hearing you say that Peeta, I just….I feel like I've failed you as a parent. Buddy, you've never sounded like this before. I had no idea."

"You didn't fail me."

"Well, I sure as hell didn't do everything right. This is a knife to the gut. How long have you felt this way?"

Peeta thought a moment, his cheeks still ruddy with color. "I…I don't know. Awhile."

Another silence settled over them as his father shifted on his feet, leaning back against the counter. Thankfully the shop was empty, but anyone could walk in at any moment. He shouldn't have brought this up now…

"I want to help you do what you need to do. What…what can I do, Peeta?"

A tiny flicker of relief appeared within him at his father's offer. "Dad, look – that was a few weeks ago. I'm not great yet, but…I'm getting better. Taking steps to not…feel that way," he avoided using the word 'hate'. "I just want to keep this between us, if we can…"

"Of course, son."

"And if you see me pick up a cupcake, beat it out of my hands."

That earned him a smirk. He felt a grin break out on his face. "Not having this stuff is a struggle."

His father looked around the bakery, his eyes roving over the trays of snacks and treats. "Yeah, this uh…might not be the best setting for getting a diet going."

"Already started. Hence…ditching family meal."

"That's a start," his father sheepishly shrugged.

"I joined a gym. Got a personal trainer, and I'm working with a dietician," he admitted quietly.

That caused his father's eyebrows to shoot up. "Shoot, Peet, you really did?"

"Yeah, uh…goin' on two weeks now."

"That's great Peet! How's it….are ya….erm…"

Peeta had to smile at his father. His large blue eyes were hopeful but cautious as he struggled to find the right words to ask him how it was going. Peeta knew he'd gotten his sensitivity from his father, and that wasn't lost on him.

"I haven't lost weight yet, really. I'm just basically…sore and hungry," he chuckled. "But I'm not giving up. I know that much, so… Glimmer turning me down that day just made me realize a lot about myself and the main thing is that I want to change. I want to change more than I want to stay the same and that was enough to make me want to do it. Really commit."

The bell above the door chimed, signaling customers. Reaching forward, his dad clapped him on the back and grinned. "I think that's the first step. And you know what I always say about that first step?"

"It's the most important one," Peeta replied from memory, nodding at him.

"That it is."


They called it 'errand day'. Anytime they had the same day off, Katniss would use Gale for his car and he would use her for her couponing skills. They'd done it that way ever since he'd gotten a car nearly two years before she did (he was older) and they'd figured out how much they depended on each other. The first time she'd bartered him for a ride somewhere, he'd made her go into the store to buy new underwear for his little sister he'd been too mortified at sixteen to buy.

"I need to get to the Save-A-Lot on Pine Street."

She hadn't minced words as she'd flopped into the front seat of his old car that morning. It was barely nine in the morning on that hot July day and it was already sweltering. Her thighs were sticking to the pleather seats in the car that was older than she was. It didn't matter – it had wheels and could move, at least she'd gathered.

"Why Pine? There's a Piggly Wiggly four blocks up," he'd muttered, shifting the car into gear.

She'd made a strangled sound in the back of her throat before reaching into her pocket and practically thrusting the coupons into his face. "For the extra dollar fifty for gas it takes to get to Pine, you'd save almost quadruple that if you go to the Save-A-Lot!"

He slowed, frowning at her. The turnoff was coming up. "What do you mean?"

"If you buy milk that's closer to the sell-by date, they give it to you ten cents off. And I have a coupon for it, and since its Tuesday you can double your coupons, making it almost free…"

She'd rattled off her knowledge of couponing to him and he'd been sold on it. Not to mention she'd gone in and bought Posy's Disney Princess underwear she'd desperately needed. At sixteen, he couldn't bear to buy it for her, so that had been his concession on that hot summer day. If he drove her the extra few miles to the Save-A-Lot, she'd go and take care of the task for him. She'd tossed the bag to him and the rest had been history. They'd been utilizing each other to survive for years – the fact that they were now into their twenties hadn't stopped them. To celebrate their random Thursday off work, they'd spent the morning in Gale's living room, clipping coupons and taking stock of what was in his pantry. He still lived in the house his parents owned, along with his three younger siblings. While Gale was the legal guardian of all three, Rory was eighteen and able to fend for himself. Vick was just fourteen and Posy was eleven, leaving Gale to basically still parent them after his mother split. "Four kids, a dumpy little house, food stamps, and no one to share it with? Sometimes I don't always blame her for not coming back," he would sometimes say when asked about her. When their fathers were killed in the mining accident, neither of their mothers handled it well. While her mother had slipped into a haze of depression and booze, Gale's had simply gone out to the market and never returned.

She rolled the window down on his old jeep, taking in a breath of the spring air. Winter had felt so endless. Endless heat bills, endless snow, just endless, endless, endless. Spring somehow felt like a second chance, a new start.

Her mind wandered as they drove, and she found herself thinking about Peeta. She'd stayed late at work the night before, researching and learning as much as she could about how to motivate her clients, specifically him. He was a hard worker – there was no denying that. He pushed himself and didn't ever complain and that felt like a lot to her. The desire to give something back to him in the form of motivation and hopefully results kept her constantly thinking of things to try. The realization that she wanted Peeta to succeed was ever present on her mind these days. He was dedicated, hardworking, and had yet to miss a workout. The only thing she could give back to him were the keys to success with all of this. For the millionth time since she'd met him, she wished she knew more.

"The usual route?" he asked, and she nodded as he turned onto the main road. Their lives were difficult from a very young age, there was no denying that. Not everyone would have been able to suck it up and move on after what had happened to them. Sometimes Katniss thought the only thing keeping her sane was the help she got from her best friend.

Rolling the windows down, she stuck one arm out the window and bobbed her head as Gale drove the familiar route. He glanced sideways at her and smirked.

"You're in a good mood?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

She shrugged. "Better than most days."

"I told you it would get better."

Oh, how she hated it when he acted like he knew something. Gale always did have an annoying way of holding it over her in a very brotherly manner that made her want to smack him.

"What would?" she snapped.

"Work," he answered. "I told you it would get better if you would just try."

"That's not…." She stopped herself, shaking her head. "Work is work. It's fine. I don't like…go there to have fun."

"Clearly," he laughed, tossing his head as he took a turn. "You're allowed to not hate it though, did you ever think about that?"

She snorted. "We can't all be screwing our coworkers in the janitor's closet."

Gale guffawed loudly, smacking the steering wheel. "That was one time!"

Katniss had made the mistake several weeks back to comment on some bruising on Gale's wrist. Concerned, she'd pressed and pressed him about it until he'd sheepishly admitted to having a partner that was rather rough with him. It hadn't taken a genius to figure out who that person had been. Gale had been mooning over their coworker Johanna Mason ever since he'd stepped foot into Panem Fitness. Petite, lithe, with calculating eyes and sloping cheekbones, Johanna was harsh looking but undeniably beautiful. With her sinewy toned body she attracted almost everyone with her good looks; it was the sheer shrillness of her voice and general distaste for anything breathing that usually scared people away. She had the toughest clients – the really fit people that wanted to push themselves and pay to be screamed at. And oh, did she ever. On any given morning Johanna could be heard piercingly screaming into the faces of the masochists that had the courage to actually hire her. Everything about her was jarring to Katniss – her eyes, her fiery red streaked hair, her voice. She hadn't understood Gale's attraction until he'd given her far more information than she'd cared to know about that day.

"Are you still letting that sick little twat tie you to her bed and beat you?"

It was Gale's turn to snort. "She's not beating me. She's…training me," he practically sighed. He looked just dreamy enough to make her sick instead of worry. The look on his face was smitten. Katniss felt ready to vomit.

"That can't be fun."

"You don't know her," he laughed. "She can get rough but shit I love it. Do you know-"

Holding up her hands, she cut him off before he could delve deeper into what made him get off. "No, and I don't want to know. Jesus Gale, you're my best friend. I don't want to know what sick shit Johanna does to you when you're tied to her bed. I have enough to worry about without thinking about you with your pants around your ankles, balls deep in that psycho. Gross," she shuddered.

He laughed again, clearly enjoying torturing her. Parking the car, they got out and made their way inside their first stop of the day. Katniss glanced sideways at him and shuddered again – how someone could want to tie her goofy, stubborn, dork of a best friend down and do dirty things to him was completely lost on her.

Shaking her head, she thumped him on the back with her bundle of fabric grocery bags. "Dumbass."

Gale just grinned.


The day had gone by quickly, so Peeta barely looked up anymore when the bell above the door rang. However, he nearly snapped his neck when he realized Katniss was standing across the counter from him, grinning widely.

"Hi."

His jaw dropped slightly as he slammed the register closed and handed the woman he was helping her change. "Thanks for coming in…." he said out of habit, already staring at Katniss. "You're here."

She laughed awkwardly, shrugging. "Yeah, well….you pointed out that I've never been here, so…here I am."

Peeta felt his face grow slightly hot, as it normally did when he was embarrassed. Of course he'd opened his big mouth and told her that their bakery was the best in town – what had he expected? Well, he certainly hadn't expected for her to show up halfway through his shift when he was slightly sweaty, his face smudged with flour, and reeking like strawberry frosting from the monstrous order or Elmo cupcakes Mrs. Pines had picked up earlier. He self-consciously twisted his hands in his apron while his mouth tried to form words.

"Yeah I uh….still can't believe you haven't been to the best bakery in town. Erm," he struggled to find his normal gift of gab he normally had when it came to customers. His father said Peeta and Delly were the most gifted people he'd ever met when it came to an uncanny ability to smile and strike up a conversation about almost anything with just about anyone. No, that little talent had suddenly slipped from his grasp as soon as she'd walked through the door. Fumbling, he forced a smile and gestured to the cases in front of her.

"What's your pleasure on this uh…lovely afternoon?"

Katniss smiled, slowly scanning the array of baked treats and goodness in front of her. The bell above the door rang again, but he barely noticed. He watched, transfixed, as she actually licked her lips.

I baked that, he thought gleefully, I baked that and she just…oh…

Katniss couldn't believe her eyes. How had she never been into the Mellark Bakery before? While the outer façade was a little worn and unnoticeable with its old white brick and simple white sign boasting "BAKERY", the inside made up for any shortcomings. Sleek glass gases lined the narrow shop on three sides, displaying their items. On one side, a few intricately decorated cakes sat on proudly on pedestals nearest the window. The other side of the shop had loaf after loaf of fresh baked bread and all kinds of it – fluffy white, deep, rich ryes, braided golden loaves…her mouth watered at the sight. But that was nothing compared to the case in the middle, the case that drew your eye – there, in neatly arranged piles, were an array of baked treats that would make anyone abandon their common sense. This must be where diets go to die, she thought to herself, her eyes wide. They had doughnuts and bagels and cinnamon rolls, oh! and fruit tartes, scones sparkling with sugar, and several other fancily decorated morsels she had no name for.

The door chimed behind her, but she paid no attention as she greedily scanned the cases.

"Hard to know where to start, isn't it?" Gale thumped her on the back, grinning like a child and breaking her dreamy food coma. She scowled briefly at him. Did he have to be so dumb?

"Gale," she hissed, rolling her eyes.

He gave her a questioning look but relented. They were best friends, but sometimes it was difficult to make Gale not act like a twelve year old boy who was her annoying little brother.

Glancing back at Peeta, she noticed his smile had faded slightly and he had a much more reserved expression on his face. His eyes rested on Gale, and he gave him a friendly nod.

"Can I help you?" he asked, his tone friendly but almost shy.

Gale shrugged. "Oh, I'm with her," he nodded to Katniss. "Just…give me two of whatever she picks," he laughed. "I could eat half of this place, easy…"

Katniss cleared her throat and offered Peeta an apologetic look. Gale was so immature…

"This is uh…Gale. Gale, this is my client, Peeta. His family owns this bakery and I've never been, so-"

"-That's why you dragged me to this side of town!" Gale interjected, shaking his head. "I shoulda known it was for food," he chuckled.

"Hi," Peeta offered meekly.

Gale being Gale, he reached across the counter and grabbed Peeta's hand, shaking it firmly and thumping him on the shoulder. "Good to know ya. Yeah, I've seen you around the gym. Katniss as a trainer, huh?" he sighed, grinning at his own stupid joke, "She tough on you?"

Peeta shrugged, his face turning slightly pink again. Katniss cringed on the inside as she watched the exchange. Peeta clearly was a little embarrassed that Gale had recognized him from the gym and was making a big deal about it. She stomped impatiently and elbowed Gale to get him back on track. This food was too good to just look at.

"She uh…yeah, she's helping me along. Got her work cut out for her," Peeta muttered, his smile not quite meeting his eyes.

Gale shook his head, "Nah, you'll get there, no worries."

"Yes, well….we have it all. What uh…brings you over here?"

"We were just out, running errands," Gale cut her off before she could speak, "So, what do you recommend?" he asked, turning his attention back to the food. Katniss breathed a sigh of relief. That could have been ugly. Gale had no shame – he was like a small child. It didn't occur to him to care what others thought and sometimes his mouth got away from him as a result. She supposed it was a defense mechanism to growing up with next to no money, second hand everything and basically having nothing. She'd been there herself – at rock bottom, you focused more on surviving and keeping siblings alive instead of what others thought. As she'd grown older that sense of shame and self-consciouness had returned to her; it hadn't for Gale. He regularly spoke without a filter or a care in the world to go with it.

Peeta took them around the store, pointing out various sweets and tasty things. To her delight, they offered samples of much of it and they had a solid ten minutes of taste testing.

"One of everything," Gale chuckled with stuffed cheeks, shaking his head. They each settled on a hot chocolate at Peeta's recommendation, a few bagels to take home, and a cinnamon roll with vanilla bean icing to eat right away. Peeta waved Gale off when he tried to pay.

"First time's free for friends, if you come back," he insisted, shaking his head. His hair was slightly too long in the front, falling into his eyes. Katniss watched as he removed the plastic glove he wore to serve them and pushed it out of his face. His eyes were somehow warm and so blue – she didn't normally associate warmth in the jeweled, bright tone, but Peeta's eyes were somehow both. The blush had faded from his cheeks, but he was still obviously a little uncomfortable.

"This is amazing," she motioned to the cinnamon roll in her hand, beaming at him. It was hard to be unhappy with half of the delicious concoction in her stomach, and she suspected Peeta knew the feeling all too well. Good food soothed a person- it was a temporary escape. She'd spent the morning grocery shopping (which was always stressful), sorting coupons, and worrying how to stretch her paycheck another eight days when she could only afford three at best. But in those brief few bites, in the time it took her to savor and chew the warm, gooey treat….that had all fallen to the wayside. She hadn't thought about anything but how much enjoyment she was having as she ate. Perhaps, she thought, Peeta's shyness had made him retreat into a world that was comforting, a wolrld he knew – a world of food.

Before Gale could say something else embarrassing, she thanked Peeta and made him promise to come for his session with her the next day.

"Have I missed yet?" he smiled shyly, wiping his hands on his apron. "Tomorrow is weigh in day."

His gaze locked with hers across the pastry case and it took a moment, but she still saw a flicker of hope there. It was mainly determination, but it didn't take a genius to figure that out. While she'd known since they met he'd made a living with food, she'd had no idea the extent of the temptation Peeta faced every day. Where she'd gone most of her life without food, Peeta had lived the opposite extreme. Her heart clenched in her chest and her stomach turned itself in a little knot as she watched him. So much was riding on this – her job, her livelihood, but somehow Peeta's happiness had somehow edged its way up to the top of that list. For as long as she could remember, it was her and Prim at the top of that list and not much else. Gale and his family, of course, if she could help, but…..this was important too.

"Start of week three," she confirmed, nodding firmly. "I'm still just happy you're coming back."

Peeta avoided her eyes and instead let them roam over the cases in front of him. "Yeah, well….I like it so far."

Gale made a chortling noise in the back of his throat. She's almost forgotten he was busy scarfing down a cinnamon roll and with the delightful treat gone, he was free to run his mouth.

"I'm just happy she hasn't scared you off yet!"

Katniss turned, shooting him a scathing look. He withered slightly, green eyes going slightly wide. He'd push her only so far before he got that look.

"No, she uh…she's done great. I look forward to it," Peeta politely insisted, grinning shyly.

"You'll have to excuse him. He doesn't have full control of his mouth like most people oven the age of seven," she sneered over her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow, yea?"

"Yeah."

Kpkpkpkpkp

After she left, Peeta shuffled to the back. The afternoon rush had died down, and he didn't feel like facing all of that food in a moment of weakness anyway. He mindlessly wiped down a few countertops on his way behind the swinging doors before tossing the towel over one shoulder.

He felt like a fool.

He felt like a right fool.

Katniss had a boyfriend.


Oh Peeta...sigh...

I know a few of you are gunning for the romance on this, but I really did want to focus on Peeta's journey and struggles and really do my best to document his progress. I thank you all for your suggestions and feedback and I think (hope) I responded to everyone last time around who reviewed. Once again, I am no expert - my time in a gym is very limited (whoops) but I certainly have dieted in the past and experienced some of the things our characters have. I'm happy and healthy now, but not loving yourself can make for a difficult journey through life and nothing is easy if you feel that way.

I'll stop rambling now and thank you for reading!