Chapter 65 Hallucination

Wow! Merle's got to do something now! Surely?

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Daryl

Merle had caught us – me tied up and was staring at Dad! I hoped he'd kill him but then he guffawed! Shaking his head and giggling like an idiot causing me to stare at him out of the corner of my eye in disbelief. At the same time, I cursed him under my breath, as Dad just kept on pounding me into the mattress.

'Little bro, ya wouldn't believe the trip I'm havin'. Some monster hallucinations! Ya would die if ya knew what I was seein' and hearin' right now!'

'Merle, God Dammit, it's for real! He's really rapin' me! Snap the fuck out of it, ya stupid piece of shit and help me!'

'Wrap it up there, pumpkin.' I felt Dad's fingers twine in my hair. 'Ya brother ain't gettin' it. He's flying high on a small dose of LSD, amongst other things.' He moaned closed to my ear and smiled at me slyly.

Merle just stared blankly, before turning his back on us. Then he closed the door without another word. I heard him go back downstairs...probably to fix himself some food or find more booze.

But what about me?

Leaving me alone with Dad. I had never felt such abandonment or such a deep sense of betrayal in my life. Because my big brother was my only hope to ending this sick charade for once and for all.

'No, no, no, Merle, where the fuck ya goin'? MERLE!' I couldn't help screaming in panic after him. Finally started to sob as I realized that I was alone with Dad again. As much as I hated breaking down in front of that evil fuck, Merle's betrayal on top of everything was just too much at that moment.

'Stop fuckin' snivellin'!' He snarled and I earned myself a bloody nose as he backhanded me hard across the face. When it came to him raping me, he wanted to see tears even if he might say the opposite and pretend to be concerned just to fuck with my head more. Usually, there was no excuse for a Dixon showing weakness no matter what ...even with what he was doing to me, crying was unforgivable. I knew that was just a hard habit for him to break.

He followed this up with a slap and covered my mouth with his hand as he leaned in close, 'Ya saw how high he was, just be a good boy and pretend. Make ya big brother believe it was all a hallucination.'

I whimpered against his palm and fought every fibre against the urge to sink my teeth into him. At the same time, I was listening for any signs of my brother coming back, wondering where the hell he went off to.

Dad tore into my thoughts when he savagely fisted my hair and snarled in my ear. 'Well, if ya don't, I can't be held responsible for what happens to you. Or to ya big brother either. Truth is, I can jus' as easily reduce him to nothing like ya in the same way.' He moaned and thrust harder, getting this all out in between pants and groans. 'Even if he's older and bigger and ain't as small as you. How would ya like that, huh?'

'No, please don't hurt him! Leave him outta it – this… whatever the fuck this is, it ain't got nothin' to do with him!'

'That ain't exactly true. He's the one who left ya to the cops that time outside the shop.' He even ruffled my hair and grinned. 'Anyways, I thought it was the big brother who was supposed to protect the younger, not the other way round.'

I jerked away from his hand like he had the plague and he growled at that.

'Yeah...so where is he? Looks like he doesn't give a shit about ya even after he saw me doin' you. Maybe I could do the same to him – he wouldn't even fight back, state he's in.'

'Ya couldn't. He'd kill ya! Merle.' But I didn't dare call for him out loud, the last thing I wanted was for him to come in here in his state and lay himself at Dad's mercy.

I struggled against him, trying my best to get him off, but I knew from bitter experience that it wouldn't do any good. Maybe in a couple of years it would be different and not just be dumb luck. But as it was now, I was still too much 'boy' to be any match for him – 'man' in his prime and I knew that was what excited him most when he forced me. Maybe Merle could have fought him off him but the bastard still had a hell of a lot of muscle bulk than either of us.

'I'm still his father, jus' like I'm yours. Never underestimate the power I still have over both of ya, boy!'

'Call yaself a father? Ya ain't fit to be anybody's, especially mine and Merle's!'

He shook me again like a cat would a drowned rat but he didn't hit me again. Apparently, what I said seemed to have got to him, stung him even because believe it or not, he used to be a good father to us. Once, centuries ago it seemed – hard to believe now what he'd become and the depths of depravity he'd sunk to. I felt a glimmer of satisfaction even in my fear that I was finally getting to him. My words were affecting his libido too as I felt his thrusts slowing down and getting weaker to my immense relief. All the while I wished my brother to snap out of whatever he was doing. If he'd gone to his room, I prayed he didn't go in there just to pass out on his bed. Thinking if Merle came back, I might have a chance to keep Dad off me. On the other hand, I wanted him to see what Dad was doing to me and for him to be sober enough to realise and stop it and do something about it. It was also the last thing I wanted him to do. Because the pervert was right – it was our little secret just like he'd said and I'd die of shame if Merle actually believed what he was seeing him doing to me.

He growled and yanked my hair back until tears came into my eyes, trying to pound into me deeper but thankfully, he failed. Then he slid out. He growled in frustration and swore and cursed at me, accusing me of turning him off, as if by a miracle, that was all he did. He roughly turned me around, taking a firmer grip of me as he started to wipe the blood and tears off my face. But at least he was still staying out of me. I knew that calling him a bad father must have tripped some switch in him but I wouldn't go that far to call it guilt.

'Ya stop sassin' me now, if ya know what's good for ya, boy! And let me back inside ya, finish myself off...I can make ya like it.' His voice had become all oily now as he tried to coax me. Pretending like he wasn't going to go straight ahead and do what he wanted whether I wanted it or not.

'Ya say that like I have a choice!' I snarled back defiantly. 'It's sick what ya do to me. No! Don't touch me!'

'No!?' His tone rose dangerously and I allowed myself to breathe a little easier since he wasn't preparing to force himself back inside. Not yet anyway. At that moment I desperately clung to the little flutter of hope I had that maybe he was finally listening to me.

That was before he roughly shoved me forward and took a hold of my hips again to get what he came for.

'Ya let me fuck ya otherwise I'll get Merle involved. Think how much more fun that will be. Just to see how far I can push him… with his baby brother. We'll see how much he loves ya then. Given the opportunity to do what he always wanted…when I serve ya up to him on a silver plate. Hmm, what if I threaten ya life?'

'No! He wouldn't! Ya sick for thinking he would! He's my brother!'

'And I'm ya father. Don't mean a fuck to me.' He chuckled dirtily like he and Merle shared some private joke at my expense.

'Please don't. Leave him outta it!' I wailed, full of terror for Merle. I knew he was smirking as he pulled my hips against him but he was still just waiting. Somehow it made everything worse than if he had just got on with it. Tensing up as I anticipated the horrible burning of him re-entering me, he made me jump as he spoke again:

'All I have to do is threaten your life. Merle'll do anything to protect you even if I force him to do the same stuff to you, I'm sure that a small part of him will enjoy it too.'

I momentarily felt dizzy at his words. He couldn't be implying what I think he did? That he would make Merle do sex stuff to me? And worse still – that Merle would enjoy it – that he felt the same way about me as I did him? My brother wasn't sick like him but even as I thought that, I wondered about how much he touched me more lately than he used to. A brotherly kiss here on my hair or cheek, a hug there but they were all harmless touches. Why he insisted on 'checking me over' all the time and lifting up my shirt. Plus, those times in his bed but surely, he had thought I was a girl. Although he hadn't touched me for a few weeks since. It didn't matter, the bastard had set the wheels turning in my head and all sorts of confusing thoughts colliding in it just like he'd intended. Although I couldn't really imagine Merle ever really hurting me like Dad implied, who knew what the bastard could make him do and when he was high? Especially if he threatened to kill me unless we co-operated, what would my big brother not do to save my life? Probably nothing, that's what, I thought with rising dread.

But what if I wanted him to? Not with that old demon watching and enjoying the free show we were putting on for him. Meanwhile, he had started groping me without care.

I got to thinking about that last time in his bed when he'd touched me and I'd got turned on…Barely aware of it, I let out a small moan to my mortification.

Dad took his hands off me and drew back in surprise. 'What?

I bowed my head in shame without answering.

'I'm going to let him fuck ya.'

'Fuckin' little virgin.' He snarled at my look of shock when he said that about Merle, even though thanks to him, I was not in any way. If you didn't count girls that was.

'Ya won't let me come inside ya, I'm gonna another way.' He got off me, hurriedly untied me and pulled me with him so that we were standing in the middle of my room. I could barely stand because the blood had been cut off from my feet so long so I leaned against the wall. He let me and didn't comment. A change for him – he was so damn controlling usually.

Where the hell was Merle?

I rubbed my dead wrists and glared at him. Before he did anything else, he smirked at me and parted my lips with his thumb as he hissed. 'Yeah, I know just what to do.' Before I had any time to react, he slammed me down onto my knees.

He tilted my face up, quite gently for him but as I tried to draw away, he fisted my hair instead, tilting my head back so hard and fast my neck cracked.

'Ya better let me have a look at that gorgeous face. Just lookin' at that little slut-mouth of yours makes me all sorts of crazy…Now open up just a bit, and let Daddy show ya his appreciation of what's in front of him.'

I stubbornly kept my mouth shut and was rewarded with him shoving me away like he couldn't get rid of me quickly enough. Why? Because my drunk, junkie dumbass brother was coming down the stairs and it seemed for all his big talk, Dad still wasn't ready for Merle to know everything just yet.

'Ya dirty littl' cocktease.' He started to touch himself and forced me to watch, pinning me against the wall. There was no escape. It didn't take long gave out a few more moans as his hand brought him over the edge, I closed my eyes and winced as the first warm droplets hit my face. He aimed for my mouth that he'd prised open with his other hand. He chuckled at his own genius cruelty and I could tell he didn't care so much where it went as long as I had him all over his face.

'Yeah, better know ya fuckin' place, boy. Be glad I didn't come inside you, especially the other way.'

I couldn't do much other than let out a disgusted sob. 'Let me wash my at face at least, please, Dad.' I hated my pathetic pleading. I just felt so dirty.

He crooned at me then and ran his fingers through my hair. 'Why? This will be branded in my memory forever. Look at you…ya little face all covered with…'

'Shut up!' I choked out, unable to bear listening to his insane and twisted ramblings. As soon as I chanced a look at his face and saw the lust there while he was looking down at me, I closed my eyes again. I knew I took a dangerous risk trying to get Merle to come back but I couldn't help myself.

'MERLE! HELP ME!'

'Poor baby. Still callin' for ya brother? He ain't here...so disgusted when he saw ya cryin', he's gone out.' He laid one sleazy kiss on my lips instead of losing it like he usually did when I cried out for my brother. 'Lookin' for more drugs and girls no doubt to make him forget all about his pussy little brother.'

I turned away my head wondering when the fuck he was going to let me go. 'You're lying! I didn't hear him. Not everyone's a pervert like you!'

'Oh, yeah? Then why did he leave and not stop me? Not even bother to check on ya.'

I said nothing – for once I had no snarky reply.

'I know why. Out of his skull on whatever shit he's taken. Stay the fuck there if ya know what's good for ya. I'll come back so don't ya try being all smart now.'

I didn't dare to move anyway. I might have been able to make it to Merle, but I wasn't sure if he was still in the house despite what I'd said to him. I also knew I had zero chance of getting out of the house either before he caught me.

Fuck you, Merle. I'm never going to forgive you for this. How could you do nothing and leave me with him after you saw what he was doing?

With that depressing thought, the door opened again and Dad walked in with a steaming towel. He knelt down next to where I was on the floor and took a grip of my chin. 'Let me clean ya right up. We won't be fooling Merle any time soon with my dried spunk all over ya face, boy. Even he ain't that thick.'

I soon figured as much as it was useless fighting him. Besides I couldn't deny that it felt good getting rid of his disgusting mess on my face. At that moment I didn't care that he was getting rid of it – the person who had put it there, I was just so relieved.

Once done, he carelessly threw me my clothes.

'Get dressed before he sees. Jus' in case. If he's jus' gone for booze and smokes or to pick up drugs, might come back any minute so hurry up!'

I rushed to do what he said just glad that it was over for a while at least. I started to pull on my clean clothes, grimacing at not being allowed to have a shower first. When I was done, he hugged me close and to my surprise he tucked me back into bed.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the front door banged. He looked flustered too. How did Dad know when he'd be back?

'Remember what I said, son. Keep ya mouth shut, do as I say and I'll keep him off ya. Start whinin' about what he thinks he saw and I'll drug him up to make him horny then set him on ya. Got a feelin' he'd be way worse than me...No gentle lover is Merle, I bet. Likes it rough, just like his Daddy does.' He hissed in my ear before chuckling at my reaction. 'He'd make ya bleed more for sure, better take ya chances with me. So, calm the fuck down, act normal and prepare to lie. Or ya go on right ahead and tell him what he saw really happened. See how good I am to you? I'm givin' ya a choice for once.'

By the time Merle barged in after what seemed like an eternity and pointed his sawn-off shotgun at him, Dad was sitting on my bed next to me. It looked like nothing ever happened in my room. Merle's cold, unreadable gaze flicked between us back and forth, apparently he'd managed to sober up some while he was out. He stared at the picture of a loving father with his son. A father who hadn't even blinked when his eldest son aimed the gun at him – giving away what he suspected by aiming the barrel at his crotch.

'Yes, son?' Dad spoke to him softly, infuriatingly calm. 'Ya sobered up some and came back with that? Why? What ya gonna do with it?'

'Don't treat me like an idiot! What the fuck did I see jus' before I left?'

Dad shrugged and dangerously turned his back on him and his gun to move closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I did my best not to shudder or recoil from him, just tried to tell my brother with my eyes.

Of course, Merle didn't get it.

'What did ya think ya saw? Sure, ya weren't hallucinatin'? Ya were lookin' pretty high to me.'

'I was...Thought I was havin' the most fucked-up trip of my life...were you and Daryl...?' His words trailed off and he looked at me.

'You tell me, son. What did ya think me and Daryl were doin'? Look, I just came in here, he was screaming his lungs out, poor boy. Nightmares have started again. Must've been an awful dream, he was making weird noise like he was moaning in pain. Couldn't leave him like that, so I came in here to wake him up. Took quite a lot to do that, he insisted on the dream being real. Had to wrestle him down to keep him calm, I bet that's what ya saw.'

Inwardly I swore at the bastard's talent with words as I witnessed how Merle's face softened. It was easier to believe that he'd imagined the unthinkable after all. That it all had been a bad trip. But yet he still wasn't fully convinced. 'I thought I…Daryl?'

'Put the shooter away, son. Look, ya scarin' ya brother.'

I reacted then and twisted out of his grip. 'I ain't scared!'

Dad reached over and kissed my forehead, his way of warning me to play along.

'He's a real little fighter, ain't he?' He was acting so proud that I almost believed it.

Merle shamefacedly lowered the gun down slowly. 'Sorry.' He muttered. 'Jus' wondered what kind of twisted mind I must have to imagine…as if ya would...after...after...It's sick, that' what it is.'

'Don't worry about it, son. Mind can play vicious games with us sometimes. Happens to everyone.'

'Pretty sure it don't. Not like that.'

He smiled at my brother who was still wearing that expression of pure confusion, brushed the hair back off my face - playing the good father to perfection and I couldn't help flinching back slightly from his fingers. Merle noticed too...I could see it in his eyes – a microsecond of reaction but the lingering effects of whatever shit he had taken stopped him from following his suspicious thoughts through. He obviously didn't want to believe the truth and who could blame him?

'Go to sleep, Daryl. Ya gonna need it.' Again, I saw Merle's eyes grow wider slightly before he narrowed them down, almost getting the innuendo...almost, but not quite.

I wanted to scream the truth in his face but I didn't dare, not with Dad close by. Besides, I was so ashamed.

'I mean we got a big huntin' day tomorrow, ain't we, son?' He turned back to address me. 'Gotta get up with first light. Ya wanna tag along, Merle?' Dad asked knowing that Merle wouldn't.

'Nah... I got some shit to do tomorrow.'

Dad noticed Merle's suspicion so did his best to distract him further and got up from my bed. 'Come on, let's leave him. Poor kid needs his sleep. I've got some real good moonshine downstairs...'.

'What about me? I ain't some snot-nosed little kid ya can tuck in and forget about, ya know!'

They both laughed at that and my brother was already off like a shot, all forgotten. All it took was a promise of some booze or cheap drugs. Typical Merle who I knew had the attention-span of a goldfish in a glass bowl and was easy to buy off.

'Fuck you both.' I muttered into my pillow after they were gone. Treating me like a little kid on the one hand when I wasn't but Dad was right because I was yawning as waves of drowsiness swept over me. I did my best to stay awake so that I would know if he came back in to mess with me but I couldn't resist the pull of sleep.

I didn't even think about crawling into my brother's bed later if he was alone.