Lydia
It was a strange feeling, walking through the streets of San Francisco again after all that had happened. Especially in broad daylight and the streets completely void of any form of life – be it ape or human.
It was two days after Roy's burial and Lydia could barely fathom what she was doing back in the abandoned city again. It was Caesar who had ordered that she come, trekking through the place together with Malcolm, Ellie, Alex and a couple of apes, which, among others, included Orion, Luca and the Ape King himself.
Rocket and Blue Eyes were given the task of searching the forest for a fitting new home the moment the burials were all done. They had found it not long after, a network of caves deep within the forest, much deeper than the apes had ever gone before. It was situated behind a waterfall way further upriver from where the dam was, and could easily fit the entire colony, by Rocket's estimation.
And so today, he and Blue eyes, as well as several other males, were put in charge of moving the entire colony to their new home while Caesar went with the smaller group to scavenge with the humans – it was the least he could do, the Ape King had said, to show his gratitude for all their help.
Lydia knew Caesar suspected it wouldn't be long now before the war broke out in earnest, and he wanted the humans who had helped them out of harm's way as fast as possible.
Which was also why Lydia and the group she had been assigned were back in the city. They were looking for things Malcolm and his family could use once it became time for them to leave and search for a new home of their own. They couldn't stay here, of that everyone was certain, and Caesar wouldn't risk their lives in the upcoming battle – they had done enough for the apes as it was and the Ape King could not ask them for more.
As of now, no one had arrived yet and Lydia was quite content with how empty the streets were. How the windows stood gaping and glassless, the interior of the rooms they had once shielded shrouded in darkness.
It fit her state of mind perfectly, though she did her best not to let it consume her during the day. There were other things to attend to then, rather than nursing her emotional wounds.
Ellie emerged from an abandoned store, shaking her head dejectedly. Nothing there to loot. The members of the group were beginning to all look quite disappointed with the outcome so far of this little excursion, as it had yielded few results so far – Lydia had warned them that might be the case earlier in the day.
Truthfully, she had suspected that Caesar had assigned her to his group to keep an eye on her, as he had seemed especially worried ever since they had returned to the forest – she had noticed the looks everyone shot at her, thank you very much. She was grieving, not blind.
Now, however, she knew that it might have been because she had more experience scavenging than all the members of the group put together. She had survived on her own doing that for months before she found Roy and Orion, and had continued to gather useful materials ever since then, even while she lived at the Ape Colony.
It had become a less frequent activity for her to partake in once she had a steady food source and learned to produce her own clothes and such, but she still liked to think she knew where to find useful materials if need be.
It was like riding a bike, really – once you've learned the technique, you never forget it.
Now, if only Malcolm would stop insisting they look in all the wrong places…
"I told you already, we're not going to find anything here." Lydia spoke as she moved to sit on the hood of an abandoned car, arms resting on her thighs. "This is one of the main shopping areas of the city, that's plain to see, even for someone who isn't from here. And anyone who lived here would've gone to this place first to loot anything worth taking long ago."
Malcolm sighed hopelessly and his shoulders slumped so much that Lydia feared they might just fall off soon.
"So where do you propose we go?" He spoke with just a hint of irritation in his voice.
Normally, Lydia would have met him with a clipped tone and a request to reign in his attitude because hey, she was just trying to help – but she just didn't have it in her to retaliate. Perhaps that's what had Caesar – and everyone else, for that matter – keeping an extra eye on her.
Instead, she shrugged, adjusting her bow across her shoulder.
"Well, I don't know this city like you do, but I'd suggest we go to a less… central street. Less known." She suggested, feeling everyone's eyes on her. "That's what I used to do back in the day, anyway. There might be way fewer stores, but those that are there are more likely to still have something worth our time."
At the mention of her past scavenging experience, Malcolm's eyes immediately softened and he seemed to almost be ashamed that he had used such an annoyed tone with her before. She didn't want his pity, however.
"So, is there such a street anywhere nearby? Do you remember?" Lydia hurried to add, regarding the man with a raised eyebrow.
He seemed to think very hard on this, but the look in his eyes already told Lydia that he wasn't really able to recall anything about that. Understandable, she thought. So much had happened since the Simian pandemic that it was probably difficult to recall such an insignificant detail so long after it had happened.
At least for Malcolm it was. But, surprisingly, not for Alex.
"There used to be a street with a few smaller shops like, five blocks from here. Maybe six." The teen quipped from his place beside Orion, who was currently investigating one of the abandoned cars like his mother had taught him to do – to no avail, she knew, given the street they were in now, but it was good that he was still trying.
"Don't you remember, Dad? We went there a couple of times when I was little and you couldn't be bothered to go to the super marked further into town?" Alex spoke inquisitively.
It seemed to spark a memory in Malcolm's mind and the man looked at his son with a bewildered expression on his face.
"How could you possibly remember that? You were, what? Four? Maybe five?"
Despite the heavy heart currently residing in her chest, Lydia managed to smile and let out a soft chuckle at the situation.
"You'd be surprised, Malcolm. Sometimes, it's the strangest things that tend to stick to the mind at that age."
Both he and Ellie smiled back at her with some much-needed humour. Lydia jumped down from the car's hood and stretched her arms out in front of her, loosening the tension in her sore muscles. She really hadn't taken care of herself these past few days and she was beginning to feel it – heck, she was sure it even showed.
"So, lead the way, gentlemen, and I'll show you the fine art of scavenging. Truly scavenging." She shot a pointed, though playful look at Malcolm, who rolled his sparkling, blue eyes at her, admitting defeat.
She had to admit, it was nice to have something to fill up her day with. Some task keeping her busy, both in body and in mind. In this, Caesar had judged correctly.
Speaking of the Ape King, he had made his way up to walk beside her, pulling his large, black steed along by its primitively woven reins. The beast whickered at Storm, who was trailing behind Lydia, but otherwise made no complaint as Caesar directed it forward.
"Are you alright?" The evolved ape asked lowly, doing his best to keep their conversation discreet as their group moved through the streets.
Oh, how she dreaded that question. Of course she wasn't alright! Her lover had died only a couple of days prior and she was facing a war that could potentially destroy everything and everyone she had left to love.
But once again, she simply didn't have the strength or the wits about her to come up with a wisecracking reply like she normally would. Instead, she just inhaled slowly through her nose and released it as a quiet sigh, letting her darkened eyelids droop with the action before she replied.
"For now…" She knew it was cryptic and probably off-putting – he was only trying to inquire about her well-being after all. She just didn't want to think about this right now, much less speak of it.
Caesar seemed to sense her apprehension and didn't press her further for a reply.
"If you wish. To speak… Know that I am here." He merely said, a soft look in his eyes once she turned her head to look. It shouldn't perplex her so much that he made this offer. It really shouldn't.
But with him being re-established as the colony's leader, arranging for the relocation of all the apes and preparing for an upcoming war, Lydia really hadn't expected that he would be able to make time for her and her troubles. Not anymore.
The look in his eyes told her differently. He really meant what he had said.
He would listen, if only she would talk.
Her heart clenched as she regarded him. She wasn't sure she could speak of it right now, or anytime soon, for that matter, but his offer was appreciated all the same.
"Thank you… I'll keep that in mind." She replied, knowing how her own gaze had softened considerably at the offer.
Caesar nodded briefly and directed his gaze ahead once again as they neared their destination, now rounding the third block – another three to go, if Alex' memory served him right.
Speaking of the human teen, he still seemed to be on good terms with Orion, which eased Lydia's worries considerably. Her adoptive son had been keeping near her ever since they had been reunited and Lydia had begun to fear that he had taken Roy's final words to him a little too seriously.
Or maybe it was just his way of mourning. She wasn't quite sure, as it was hard to be mindful of everyone else's pain when she herself was so caught up in her grief, even if she didn't show it.
Still, it was good to see Orion interacting with others again, and Alex had already proven to be a very good influence on her son, making him talk out loud more and expanding his vocabulary.
They stopped a few times on the way to the street Alex had spoken of, picking up a few items Lydia deemed useful for either herself or the human trio currently in the apes' care. A few jackets, shirts, belts and buckles from a clothes store here, a box of matches and a can of peas from an apartment there – it all added up, really.
"Is this even edible anymore?" Alex eyed a can of soup Lydia had managed to fish out from the back of a kitchen cupboard in a ground floor apartment. It had been covered in dust and the expiration date was no longer discernible, which seemed to have Alex further on edge about the product. Lydia shrugged as she moved on down the street.
"Should be. You won't know until you open it, but it's always better to just take such stuff along and check it just before you eat it. Otherwise you'll risk wasting an opportunity for a meal anyway." She spoke absent-mindedly, hauling herself up by the arms to look through another broken window in the block they were passing.
Ellie sounded her agreement with a quiet 'mhmm' as she went up to take the can from Alex's hand and placing it in her own backpack.
"Right." The teen replied simply, moving forward with the group.
Nothing seemed to be worth taking in the apartment Lydia peeked into, so she let go of the windowsill and let herself drop down onto the pavement again, moving on to the next row of windows.
"Were you always this casual looking through people's old homes in the past?" Malcolm asked, looking at her with a raised eyebrow as he hoisted his own backpack higher onto his shoulder. It sounded slightly accusing to Lydia's ears, but she figured that she was probably only imagining that because of her mood.
Turning her head to regard him, she noticed that he eyed the windows with an uncomfortable look and realised that he probably felt bad for what was essentially looting. She understood the sentiment somewhat.
"Not in the beginning, no, but I learned to ignore my conscience when it became a question of survival." She explained almost clinically as she hoisted herself up to another window. "No one has lived here for years and they're not likely to come back, Malcolm. Once your life depends on what people leave behind, you realise that it doesn't really matter much that somebody used to call this their home – because it isn't anymore."
Another starkly bare apartment – moving on.
"What if somebody ransacked what used to be your home? Like we're doing right now?" He persisted, though Lydia sensed that they were moving down a more philosophical lane, as his voice sounded more curious than accusative by now.
"Someone probably already has long ago. It doesn't really bother me much, to be honest. It's not the place or the things in it which are important – it's the people. And they've been gone for years now." She didn't mean to sound so… well, casual about it, but it was a simple truth, really. She honestly had no qualms about people, whoever they might be, searching through her old house, her old room, her closets and cupboards. Whatever objects that still held meaning to her, she carried in her backpack – the rest were left for anyone to take.
"Right… Sorry." Malcolm replied sheepishly, tugging at his collar uncomfortably.
"What for? It's a valid question, after all, and it's okay to be curious. Honestly, curiosity is part of what got me this far in the first place." Lydia winked with a slight smirk, earning herself a few chuckles from the human trio, as well as a brief, amused look from Caesar.
They finally reached their destination after a few more peeks into the abandoned apartments along the way and Lydia was pleased with how it fit her description of what they needed. There were a few smaller, scattered shops, quite obviously having lacked the economic means to move to more frequented locations. These were the best places to find useful things, in Lydia's experience, since it was usually only the locals in the area who knew these shops even existed, while the general public and people just passing through tended to go for the more well-known shopping areas.
This lowered the chances of these shops and apartments being completely empty, though after so many years, Lydia didn't want to get her hopes up too high. There had been plenty of time for others to discover these places, and there had been a human colony not too many miles from here.
Most of the humans the apes had captured had fled the city, however, taking only the most essential with them in their hurry to put distance between themselves and the apes, so the chances of them going through a place like this before leaving were minimal.
Either way, it was their best option and Lydia was determined to do her best in aiding Malcolm and his family.
"How about you guys go into that kiosk over there and see what you can find?" She asked Malcolm, as well as a couple of apes who had joined them on their trip. This group included Luca as well, who Malcolm had begun to feel a whole lot safer with by now despite their… rather loud first meeting. "Ellie, Alex and Orion can go to the drugstore further ahead, and Caesar can take the rest of the apes to the super market down the street."
"What about you?" Came Caesar's gravelly voice, a slight frown on his face.
Lydia pointed at the block behind her, directly across the street from where they stood.
"I'll be going in there and check out the shops and the apartments above. You won't dream of how many useful things can be found in a simple barbershop when you're in a pinch." She spoke easily, adjusting her backpack.
It was true – she had stumbled upon many useful things in any hairdresser or barbershop she had crossed in the past – mostly in the form of scissors, razorblades and tools for sharpening these, but she would never turn down an opportunity to get a hold of such items. She might be living in the wild, but she still tried to keep at least some semblance of her… feminine bathroom routine, such as keeping her legs shaven, for instance. She imagined Ellie would be of the same mind in this matter.
Caesar shook his head at her and she tilted her own in confusion.
"No one goes alone." He spoke resolutely, before turning to Spear, one of his subordinate apes, and signed for him to take command of the group going to the super market.
Lydia rolled her eyes at the Ape King as he nodded to the others and began trudging towards the barbershop, trusting Lydia to follow as the other groups split up to go about their tasks.
As soon as they entered the shop, Lydia couldn't keep her mouth shut anymore.
"Not trusting me to be on my own, do you?" It wasn't as much a question as it was a statement. She didn't look at him, however, as she began searching through the drawers and storage compartments immediately.
He huffed softly at her words.
"I do... But the city. Is dangerous… You know this." He spoke, getting to work at the other side of the shop. It was a small space, but the décor told Lydia that it had been a cosy and probably well-frequented establishment back in the day.
She turned to regard him with an unimpressed look, one side of her mouth pulled into a soft sneer and her arms laid across her chest in a guarded stance.
"Don't treat me like a child, Caesar. You know I've done this years before I met you. Wasn't that why you had me come along in the first place, huh?" She had never used that tone with him before – not because he was the Ape King, but because there had never been a need for it – not until now, when he had begun to doubt her abilities and watch her movements like she was some inept toddler, viable to stumble and hurt herself at any moment.
He seemed startled at first, turning around to face her fully with a look of slight surprise on his rugged face. He had heard such jabs from her before, though they had never been directed at him. Then, his stare turned hard and his fists clenched at his sides.
"I do not treat you. Like a child… What I do. I do because I worry… Cornelia worries… Maurice and Rocket worries." He spoke with such severity that it might have made her wince if she hadn't been so annoyed with him already.
At the same time, he made his way over to her, taking no more than five steps before he was right in front of her, maintaining their intense eye-contact the whole time.
"Well, you don't have to. I'm dealing with it, okay? I don't want pity, Caesar." She challenged tiredly, though her shoulders refused to slump in defeat in the face of the Ape King.
At that, his gaze seemed to soften and after a moment of openly studying her face, which she knew must look haggard by now, he let out a deep exhale.
"I said we worry. Not pity."
The change in his tone was monumental as it went from harsh and almost growly to soft and tender, the shift not only present in his voice, but in his eyes as well, the golden flecks in his green irises clearer as his gaze lost its hard edge.
She was so captivated by it – and so startled by the point he made – that she didn't notice the large, calloused hand reaching for her cheek before it made contact with her skin, effectively cradling the side of her face in his huge palm. It was warm against her chilled flesh and his fingers dug through her dark tresses in a soothing manner as he adjusted it to wipe a tear away from her cheek. She hadn't even noticed she had let it slip through.
It reminded her of the moment they had shared that evening at his childhood home a few days ago… Sweet. Caring. Intimate
Too intimate.
Especially when he pulled her face towards his own, and, for a brief moment, she thought he was going to kiss her.
"Caesar-!"
She only managed to utter his name before she realised that a kiss wasn't what he was going for. Instead, he made her bow her head, so their foreheads could touch softly, closing his eyes and breathing warmly against her face.
It was a gesture only reserved for members of his family and closest friends – not something to be taken lightly.
Especially since it wasn't something he had ever shared with her before.
After a second or two in which her tensed-up muscles eased back into a relaxed state, Lydia finally closed her eyes and accepted his comforting touch with a heavy sigh. She had to admit it was nice, the physical contact. The connection.
Orion had taken to holding her hand these last couple of nights and they hugged more often lately – but she hadn't taken comfort in another's touch since Roy's passing, except for a few pats on the back from various apes around the colony. They were given with good intentions, sure, but the comfort they were supposed to provide never lasted.
They weren't meaningful.
Not like this, anyway.
A few, lingering seconds later, Caesar let go of her cheek and raised his head to look at her again, eyes full of understanding.
"I only want you. To be yourself again." He spoke lowly, yet it echoed loudly through Lydia's ears.
She nodded solemnly, the barest trace of a smile gracing her lips as she regarded him. His verdant eyes, so intense and intelligent, maintained their serious stare, though she could see just a hint of the affection for her that lay underneath, just below the surface.
It was an affection she wished, desperately in this moment, that she could reciprocate – just as she had wished it that evening, when they had had their little heart-to-heart.
Only… her wound was too deep, the loss of her first love still too fresh.
And Caesar still had his own love…
There was no bitterness as that thought crossed her mind, however. It was no fault of his that he was already spoken for – it had been like that long before they even met and besides, Cornelia was her dearest friend among the female apes. Lydia wanted nothing but happiness for them both.
The only one she could blame was herself, really, for harbouring tender feelings for someone who was already with someone else.
That, and Koba, for stealing away that same happiness from her.
Lydia stepped forward, slowly circling her arms around the Ape King and squeezing tight against his hard body as she breathed a soft 'thank you' into the fur on his shoulder. She had expected the move to startle him, make him hesitate, perhaps, but his long arms swept around her the instant she leaned in, reciprocating the gesture without thought.
It lasted only for a short while, but it still meant the world to Lydia that it had happened and when they pulled apart, she could see in Caesar's eyes that he too had found comfort in their embrace, the hard lines on his face having smoothened considerably from only moments ago.
"Let's get back to the task at hand, hmm?" Lydia offered quietly, breaking the intimate spell that had held them both hostage for goodness knows how long now.
Caesar nodded with a soft smirk on his lips before he turned to step over to his side of the barbershop once again.
"Yes. We should not return. Empty handed." The mirth in his voice was like a sudden, warm summer breeze after a long, cold winter to Lydia. "Malcolm. Would not let you… 'off the hook'. If we did."
At that, Lydia released a small burst of chuckles and looked at the Ape King incredulously, his use of the common phrase so incredibly humorous to her – how long had it been since they had laughed together?
Too long, in Lydia's opinion.
"Yeah, you're probably right about that." She hummed in agreement, bending to rummage through some cabinets beneath one of the counters.
There were plenty of things left here for them to take, she was pleased to note. Lydia doubted there had even been any people here in the years after the pandemic took hold, as everything seemed to be in the place you'd expect them to be in a normal, functioning shop. Nothing had been taken or tampered with, the thick layer of dust covering everything a testament to that fact.
Lydia stood back up some time later, arms full of items which she laid out across the table top as if they were on display.
"So, Mister Ape King." Lydia spoke teasingly, gaining Caesar's attention as he finished going through a drawer. He looked at her with a raised brow, probably due to the nickname, but nodded all the same to signal that he was listening.
"How about I talk you through which of these things we can collect and for what? Seems like a useful thing to do." She presented the items with a grand swipe of her arm above the table and Caesar stared down at the arrangement of scissors, nail clippers, pieces of cloth, razors and the like with a blank expression on his face.
"Should you not. Have done that. With the other apes as well?" Came his gruff voice and though his face remained stoic, Lydia could hear the barely-concealed humour in his voice.
A confused expression flashed across her features before what he had just said finally hit home, and Lydia barely resisted the urge to slap a palm to her face in exasperation.
"Shit…" Was all she said as she let an expression of realisation slip onto her features, quite without her consent, and let her eyes fall down onto the items on the counter. Yeah… she should have explained it to the other apes, actually.
The laughter that left Caesar's chest was subtle and deep, more a series of dark huffs than anything else.
It still made Lydia smile, though.
