Author's Note: This idea came to me last night when I was half asleep and I just had to write it. It can be read as it is, but I might add a few more chapters if I decide on a good direction for it. I hope you enjoy!

If you're a fan of my work, please also check out my other Twilight series that I'm still updating, The Gift.

I don't own Twilight or any of the characters here. This isn't for profit but for fun.

Updated Author's Note 4-25-21: I've improved a lot since starting this story and am re-editing parts of it a bit for clarity and to fix grammatical errors. No plot points will be added, taken away, or changed. Thanks for reading!


Prologue – EPOV

I had been aimlessly wandering through the forests of South America for weeks. It was impossible to get Bella's face out of my head, even for a second. It was miserable, so much that I couldn't even hunt with prey right in front of me. I couldn't stand to be around anyone else, even my family, and hadn't spoken to them since leaving her.

Bella….I curled up under a large tree and sobbed. I left to protect her and hoped that she was safe. That was all I could do since I turned out to be such a terrible tracker.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket. I wanted to ignore it as usual, but I would welcome a momentary distraction, even if it really wasn't much of a distraction at all. It was Alice.

"You don't have to speak, just listen. I'm so glad you finally answered. You have to get to Forks. I had a vision. Victoria is headed there. Edward, she's going after Bella."

I had never moved so fast in my long life.


BPOV

I was sitting in Jacob's garage, enjoying a root beer, and waiting for him to come back from inside with some sandwiches for us. The hole in my heart Edward left behind was still present, but the pain was mostly numb during time spent with Jacob. I was glad to have him in my life.

Jacob walked out of the house smiling as he handed me a bologna sandwich off of a giant stack. That kid could eat so much.

"What is that, a whole pack of bologna in a pile?" I asked, laughing.

"Nah, it's two packs!" he said, laughing with me.

We sat mostly in silence, enjoying our lunch after a day of working on some project car of his. I was starving after helping him lift parts and change tires.

"Eventually, you're going to grow so big that you won't even fit in this car if you keep going on like you have." I said, breaking the silence with a wisecrack against him. Jacob was almost never serious, and I was thankful for that.

We worked on his car a little more, with him taking his time explaining what we were doing, even though it was highly unlikely that I would ever remember. "Hey, by the way, Sue is having some kind of feast at her house tomorrow and you and Charlie are invited. She wanted me to ask if you would mind coming tomorrow morning to help her prepare? She said she knows you like to cook, and Leah is so busy with the pack that she can't possible tear her away for such normal things as cooking."

"Um, I'm not that good of a cook, but sure. She's probably lonely with Harry gone. I've always liked Sue and prefer to stay a little busy anyhow."

"Great, I'm sure she'll be thrilled!" Jacob said, returning to our work on the transmission.


True to my word, I drove to Sue's house on the reservation at 10am the next morning.

"Bella!" she exclaimed, walking out onto the porch to greet me. "I'm so glad you could make it! Thank you soooo much for agreeing to help me. You know how much those boys can eat!" she said as she pulled me in for a hug.

"I'm glad to help, Sue. I'm not much of a cook, but I didn't have plans today anyhow." I gave her as much of a smile as I could offer with a gaping hole in my chest.

We spent most of the day preparing things for the feast and talking. She was careful to not ask me about anything sensitive, like Edward or Jacob. We talked about school, Charlie, and town gossip. She told me some stories about Seth and Leah as they grew up.

I was a little excited to learn that she also preferred reading the classics and that she wasn't too athletic either, like me.

When she dropped a bowl of cream she was whipping for a dessert in the floor, I laughed because it reminded me so much of something I would do.

"Now would be a great time to have a dog to clean that mess up." I said, laughing as I helped her.

"Where are the wolves when you need them?" she replied with a grin.

Charlie came by a few hours later, arms full of beer for the feast, all smiles.

"Hi Sue! Hey Bella!" he said, kissing me on the cheek. "It smells wonderful in here!"

"Hey dad. Yeah, Sue has certainly kept us busy." I said, surprising myself with a smile in his direction. "She's a lot of fun."

"I try." she said, taking Charlie's coat and leading him into the living room where a game was on TV. People started showing up in small groups, most of the guys going to watch the game and most of the women talking and goofing off in the kitchen, although there were some women getting pretty into the game too. I always enjoyed spending time on the reservation. Everyone treated me like family, and it was good to have that feeling again after the Cullens left. The hole in my chest made itself known again and I tried hard to think about anything else.

The pack came in, in human form, as a large group a little while later. "Aw man! You all started the party without us!" one of the guys said as they all darted towards the kitchen, famished. There were people eating in the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, the porches and probably even in the bedrooms where the house was so small, but no one minded. Everyone was happy to spend time together.

I heard Sue whisper to Sam, "All is well?"

"All is well." He replied solemnly before going back to happily stuffing his face.

I didn't think anything of it as I sat down beside Charlie in the living room to eat. I wasn't interested in the game but I knew that Charlie would be happy to spend some time with me. Seth came and sat down on my other side after the pack had finished devouring their meal. Seth was one of my favorite people. He was always so happy and just goofy. I loved when he was around. He playfully wrapped an arm around me. "It's so good to see you in high society again, Bella." he joked as I smiled back at him in return.

"Bella." he whispered in my ear when the game was particularly loud and people were distracted. "I'm going to slip a note in your pocket. Promise me that you won't read it until you get home and that you won't mention it to anyone, especially the pack. Although they'll find out the next time I phase."

"O—ok." I stuttered. This was very unlike Seth, but I knew that it was important for him to be this serious and to conceal it from his packmates. "Have you finally realized that you're completely in love with me?" I asked, joking as a distraction in case anyone was listening, and fluttering my eyelashes playfully, causing him to crack up laughing and Charlie to give us a funny look.

We offered to help Sue clean when the party was over, but she had plenty of hands since the pack's return and told me to go home and rest. She sincerely thanked me for my help and invited me back to her house anytime.

I followed Charlie's cruiser in my truck and pulled in beside him. We both said goodnight and I went to bed as he started getting ready for his night shift at work.

The second I was alone; I pulled the note out of my pocket:

Bella,

The pack didn't want to tell you, especially Jacob. They swore me to secrecy (thankfully it wasn't an alpha command), but I know how much I would really want to know this if I were in your shoes. I don't want to scare you with the details, but Victoria was in Forks. We took care of her and she won't threaten you anymore.

We agreed that it would be best for someone to stand guard in the woods outside your house for a few days, just in case anyone came looking for her. Jacob said that you would notice if a member of the pack was missing from the feast, so Edward agreed to stay and watch over you tonight. He made us promise not to tell you that he was back. I'm sorry if this letter hurts you Bella, but I don't like lying to you.

Your friend,

Seth

My heart raced. To say that I was shocked would be a complete understatement. Victoria was in Forks putting my friends and family in danger while I spent a nice day on the reservation. They lied to me. All of them, even Sue. It was impossible to be mad at Seth though. He was so young and just doing what he thought was best. He really risked his neck to give me this note. Wait, Edward is here?!

I flew down the stairs at top speed and stood in the kitchen, terrified. I had to speak to him. I couldn't let him just leave me again without a word, but he had hurt me so much. What if I would only anger him? So what if I angered him? I was already so broken; I couldn't possibly make it any worse.

I took a deep breath and flung open the back door. I stood there looking into the dark forest but seeing nothing unusual, but knew I wouldn't have to speak any louder than normal for him to hear me.

"Edward…" It hurt just to say his name, but I had to do this. I took a deep breath.

"I know you're out there. You don't have to talk to me, just please listen. You owe me that much after the way you left. And I'm really mad at you for trying to hide from me but I guess you probably don't want to see me." I paused. Here it goes, this is where he leaves for good.

"You don't have to hold on to this guilt. If you feel guilty that you don't love me or that you introduced me to this world, don't. The pack will take care of me. I'm not your responsibility. You can't not live your life because of this obligation you think you have to me." I choked a little, trying to hold back tears, but I had to keep going. This might be the last chance I ever get to talk to him, more like at him, but still.

"But Edward, I want you to know that I love you. I have never stopped loving you. If you left because I'm not interesting to you and can't hold your attention, then I understand. But if you left because of any other reason, like a foolish attempt to save my soul, it's not working, and it will never work. There never has been and will never be anyone else. Jake is my best friend. He wants more than that. But I can never love him back, no matter even if I try, because you are the one I love, and you took my heart with you when you left." I paused, trying hard not to cry.

"I'll go back inside now, and won't contact you again. I just had to make sure you knew before you left. I miss you."

The tears started running down my face and I took a step back towards the house. This was it, my last opportunity to even dream of having Edward near me, maybe forever. I couldn't stop crying, and no matter how strong I was trying to be, I was trembling and sobbing loudly, wrapping my arms around my chest to stop from bursting at the seams.

There was a loud crack from the tree above my head. I jumped and held back a scream as Edward appeared in front of me, close enough to touch. I thought he'd be in the woods near the house, maybe a few hundred feet out but had no idea he was this close. Why would he need to be this close, as fast as he runs?

His once golden eyes were dark black with swollen purple bags under them. He must have been starving. His expression was pained but he was still breathtakingly handsome.

I was momentarily thrilled to see him standing in front of me, even along with the fear and doubts. My heart surged in my chest. The mess of his bronze hair told me that he'd been running his fingers through it, his nervous habit, way more than normal. It hurt to look at him, but I couldn't look away, mesmerized.

He reached out and touched my face and I was startled by his cold hand brushing away my tears.

"Bella…" he started as I held my breath and bit my lip, terrified. I felt like my heart might explode out of my chest. He could turn and run away for good at any second. The feeling of electricity following every minute movement of his hand on my face wasn't lost on me though. I had longed for this for months.

"Please don't cry. You're much too beautiful to cry." he paused, looking into my eyes for a moment. I wanted to believe that I saw love in his, but I couldn't believe that.

I was too scared. I could clearly see that he was terrified too. "Bella, I lied to you. I was trying to protect you. I would have never left if I had any idea that she would come here after you. I wanted you to have a normal life. I thought you'd be better off without me. Of course I love you. My entire universe revolves around you."

I stood there motionless, almost in shock, as I stared into his eyes and tried to understand what he was telling me. "Please talk to me. I need to know what you're thinking." he said after a few minutes.

"You left me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to go. It hurt me to walk away from you. I have been in pain every day we've been apart, in here." He touched where his heart would be. "I love you more than anything. I thought it was the only way to keep you safe. I had no idea."

"Please don't get my hopes up." I was trembling hard. "I can't possibly take it if you leave again."

Edward pulled me tightly into an embrace, causing my heart to thunder much louder, and started whispering in my ear. "You have my word that I will never even think about leaving you again. Even if you demand that I go away, I won't go far. I've hurt you, how could I ever start to make it up to you?"

"Tell me the truth."

"Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?...Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason.… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." (Stephanie Meyer, New Moon, Google Play Edition, Pages 386-387)

I couldn't speak. All I could do was cry and hold him as tightly as I possibly could, scared to death to believe what he was telling me. "Let's get you inside where you'll be more comfortable." He said, but I couldn't let go or even loosen my grip as I sobbed into his chest. "Come on, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I just don't want you standing out here getting sick. I'll stay with you." he insisted as he loosened his arms around me. I loosened my grip as well, but grabbed his hand, refusing to break contact for fear that he would take off running at vampire speed.

I let Edward lead me inside. He sat down on the couch and pulled me into his lap, putting his arms back around me. "There, that's better. Your dad is working night shift, right?" I nodded against his chest, letting him know that we wouldn't be interrupted. I still clutched him tightly. I tried to at least stop crying, but I couldn't. I was so overwhelmed.

"Let me explain something that I was too scared to tell you before. It might help you understand how I feel. You know that I wouldn't dare condemn anyone to this life, especially you. I want you to stay human and enjoy your life, growing old, having kids. I know it's selfish of me, but I can't help but love you, even knowing that I'm no good for you. As soon as I realized I was in love with you, something I had never felt for anyone before, even as a human, I was terrified. The reason I was terrified is that – well – vampires mate for life. It's physically impossible for us to love anyone else or even imagine leaving each other's side once we're mated. You see Bella, I can't ever stop loving you. And it physically hurt so much to be away from you. It was only a matter of time before I came back on my own begging for your forgiveness, even without Victoria."

Something finally prompted me to speak. "If vampires mate for life, how could you let me grow old and die? How could I possibly believe that you really love me if you refuse to have me by your side forever?"

"Because I don't have a soul. And I can't take yours away from you, no matter how much I love you."

"But what if you do have a soul?"

"I've killed people, lots of them."

"So?" I asked.

Edward laughed a little, clearly caught off guard. "You never say what I expect you to. I tell you that I've killed people and you don't even care?"

"How does killing people prove that you don't have a soul? I knew about that already. What about the women you saved in the process?"

"I tried to play God. No man should ever do that."

"OK, God, sure. What if it's his will for us to be together and you're interfering? What if I'm supposed to be a vampire and you're angering him by not changing me?" I asked, causing Edward to laugh a little again. "You're so stubborn, Bella. I've missed you so much." he whispered as he leaned in for a kiss.

"No." I said, surprising even myself. I wanted to kiss Edward more than anything, well, except one thing. "You just told me that you physically can't go anywhere. I know you won't leave me now. I want you to agree to change me before I take you back. I want this. I want to be your equal. And I know that no matter how much you fight it, you want it too. It doesn't have to be right now but at least tell me that you will and mean it."

"Bella. I can't –"

"You can. You want to. You're just being….stubborn too."

"Can I at least have time? A few years, at least? So you can try going to college or traveling a little first to make sure it's really what you want?"

"My mind will not change. It has never changed. You can have until the summer after graduation, so we can work out the details. That's it." I was surprised by my own sudden confidence, but nowhere near as surprised as Edward.

He clutched me a little tighter and I heard him start to sob tearlessly against me. It felt like hours but was likely only minutes before he said "Fine, I'm opposed to this, but I can never deny you anything again." He whispered shakily. "I've hurt us both too much. I don't want either one of us to ever have to feel like this."

"Thank you." I whispered back as I ran my fingers through his hair and then pulled his head back a little to look at me. When my lips met his, I forgot how to breathe. My entire existence was wrapped up in this kiss. I felt complete again for the first time in months. Sparks were flying against my skin everywhere he touched, even with just his breath. I finally let myself relax and feel that he loved me. He didn't pull back as quickly as he used to this time. He allowed me to be the one to break the kiss, needing to breathe.

I looked into his dark, uncharacteristically black eyes. "Edward, if you knew I was your mate, why did you do it? Why do you torture yourself like this?" I asked, starting to get my courage back a little.

"I wanted to protect you from me. I thought the only way I could do that was by leaving. I had no idea."

"Why did you lie to me and tell me you didn't love me? That really hurt!" I was getting a little angry now that I had calmed down some. "Why did you have to break my heart in the process?"

"Bella…." He whispered and I knew I had hurt him by asking, but I had to know. "I thought you would move on. I thought you could live a normal life if you thought I didn't want you. It was the very blackest kind of blasphemy to tell you that I didn't love you and to pretend that you aren't the absolute center of my universe."

"That's just sick, Edward."

"I know. I can never apologize enough." he agreed, defeated.

"You didn't completely answer my question. Why do you torture yourself like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"You always think you're this cruel monster who is damned to Hell just by existing. Let me tell you what I know about you and you tell me if I'm wrong. You were dying at 17 and turned against your will since you were too far gone to know what was happening. Every instinct that you have, every special ability, is so you can hunt humans for blood. Instead, you chose to be a vegetarian like Carlisle. When you did fall back on your instincts, still a scared kid by vampire standards, you deliberately only chose criminals and those that were hurting women and children. And then, because you felt guilty and like you had went against God's will you went home and repented as much as possible by sticking, against all of your instincts and abilities, to this vegetarian diet. When after waiting over a hundred years, you were presented with your mate, the center of your universe you just said, you continued to deny yourself and all of your instincts. Isn't that a lot more like playing God than accepting something good when it's given to you?" I asked, angry with him.

He sat there for a minute, processing what I had said to him. When he leaned in for another kiss, I could tell he was speechless. I gladly kissed him back and felt myself relax now that I had gotten that off my chest.

"You've given me a lot to think about, and I will. I have no answer to that. But for right now, will you please let me just be with you? I've missed you so much more than I could ever say." he said, kissing me again. I'm not sure how long we sat curled up together on the couch, kissing and touching each other, getting reacquainted. But I started to drift off to sleep in his arms when months of sleepless nights finally caught up with me. I felt Edward carry me up to my room and lay me in bed.

"Please, stay." I whispered, barely waking up.

"I won't go anywhere. I promise." he whispered back, covering me with the quilt and then lying beside me and placing a kiss on my forehead.