Chapter 74

Past the point of no return: Part 1

So, did Merle really force himself on Daryl? Merle can be a selfish asshole but he's not a pervert like Daddy is he? He loves his brother but maybe the sickness runs in the Dixon blood? Is this the end of my story?

Hope not!

I wasn't feeling very well (still aren't) when I posted the last chapter so missed out some important details I wrote before. You can find these because they'll be in bold (on Fanfiction) if you're interested and want to read it again. Sorry about that.

Please leave a review if you can and you like this chapter or even if you don't. Any feedback is good xxx. I also divided up this chapter into 2 parts because it is so long. Part 2 will be posted in the next chapter. Enjoy!

Merle

'No, Daryl! Please! I'm sorry!', I screamed aloud, finding myself in darkness. Tried to move but felt a weight on my chest and an arm tightening its hold round me almost possessively. Felt his chest move up and down as he breathed, with an occasional light snore. My screams hadn't even woken him up, probably he was exhausted after all the shit he'd been through with Dad.

I took a few trembling breaths to calm myself down. To realise.

He was alive.

I kissed the top of his head, couldn't help it as my eyes filled with tears of relief as I buried my face in his clean, sweet smelling hair. Smelled just like he did when he was a baby - He was so delicious – good enough to eat. This also answered my confusion, no way on earth would he ever be clinging to me like that if I'd done to him what I had in my dream?

No, I hadn't done it. Maybe I still wanted him, but I only wanted him willing. I knew I might not be able to resist if he came onto me. But that was never going to happen so I might as well just forget about it. Bury my feelings and act normal. And then there was Dad to deal with. And as my heartbeat calmed down from its former, panicky galloping tempo, I realised something else with dread enough to go around an entire country.

I was hard. After dreaming about me raping my little brother. That made me hard?Watching him killing himself as I held him in my arms feeling him die on me…? I shook my head to get rid of some of the guilt that threatened to consume me. It had thankfully been a nightmare, and last time I checked you couldn't control what you did when you went to Dreamland.

My dick didn't let me dwell on things too long, I was painfully rock-hard but I badly wanted to take a piss first. In his sleep he'd wrapped one leg around me, trapping me in place while his hand rested on my chest. I looked at him more closely – it just about light enough now. FUCK – my little brother was sex on legs. He was lying on his back, mouth slightly open, hair all damp and all over the place. Completely relaxed, peaceful. Benzo did that to you – now I remembered he'd finally agreed to take half to help him sleep. I would have sniggered if my eyes hadn't travelled further down his body. As I noticed his baggy-pants hung low, oh so low - revealing those beautiful, prominent hipbones and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from moaning out loud.

Nudging him gently out of the way, I got up to go to the bathroom, forgetting to worry about Dad and came back to the bed with my pants zipped back up even though it was pretty uncomfortable. Just in case he saw me like that and in his jumpy state of mind, I scared him even though they would be undone again pretty soon.

Both of us had put back on our clothes after we got out of the shower – he'd insisted - and I had just humoured him. He seemed to need to be in control and after Dad, I understood why. Besides, it was cold but that had only been another excuse for him to snuggle up to me, wanting me to hold him tight.

This time though, when I climbed back into bed with him, I got some distance between us before I unzipped again to free my aching dick. I turned on my side – it would be easier to try and act like I wasn't doing anything that way if he should wake up and started to take care of my problem. In the throes of it, I vaguely remembered that he had already caught me doing this when I was high enough not to care. But I didn't want him to catch me doing it again now – it would be the worst timing ever so I did my best to do it quietly as possible.

The whole time I was jerking off in silence, I was imagining my brother's hand touching me instead of my own or his mouth round it, sucking me greedily. Bit my lip again as I took a firmer grip around my dick, glancing towards him.

'Please, don't wake up, let me watch ya for a while. Don't wake up.' Repeating it in my mind over and over. Because he looked so innocent and sweet – despite everything he'd gone through, just like a lost babe in the woods. Didn't look 16, didn't even look 14 – looked about 12 when he was sleeping peacefully like that. He always looked so innocent – somehow.

Dad was a real sick pervert.

But when I started to think about that tongue of his and knowing how good of a kisser he was, I started to fantasise about what it could do to my dick. Imagining my teenage brother popping up his head at me impishly with a half-shy and half-mischievious expression pleading for my approval like he didn't know what he was doing. Just as he expertly twisted and slid his tongue all over me. Moaning into my pillow at this image, I shuddered and stroked myself faster and kept him in my line of vision. It was getting harder and harder to control myself and keep my noises down.

I started to feel like as big a perve as our father as I lay there, jerking off, watching my younger brother sleep. I was unable to hold back when the time came and I grabbed my pillow and buried my face in it. I came all over my stomach with a muffled 'Oh God, Fuck yes, so beautiful.' I then threw the pillow across the room and muttered 'Fuck' again as I trembled and panted hard in the powerful aftershocks.

My hand fumbled for something to wipe myself off with. Luckily, he just turned over, back facing me, while I cleaned myself up using my shirt.

For a horrible second there, I thought he'd heard me and woken and knew what I'd been doing but it wouldn't be the first time, unfortunately. So I got up to head towards my smokes, brushing past him on the way – but thankfully he stayed asleep. I let him because he needed all the peace he could get. He twitched and jerked and mumbled incoherently.

Apparently, he was dreaming too.

Daryl

I could hardly believe that I had let my brother go further this time when it was just us two alone together and we weren't being forced by our demanding audience. But I was stubbornly determined that nothing else would happen even though my knees would tremble when I recalled my brother's hand – just his hand- on me in the shower. He'd been up there with Rogers, but then again I had nobody to really compare him to what with the rest of my sexual experiences consisting of me being forced and/or hurt or scared into stuff. Me and Eric hadn't got so far to do anything, either and even though I still thought about him sometimes, I wasn't so sure our kiss hadn't been anything but a stupid teenage crush, me experimenting with another boy to get back at Dad. Wasn't sure either of us would feel the same way if he came back to tomorrow. As far as I knew, I still liked girls well, some like Andrea but mostly I didn't like the girls from school or the ones around I had grown up with.

Then there was my brother. He was a guy.

I had only ever been with men so sue me if I didn't know what I wanted.

All I knew was that I had known my brother forever and he made me feel safe and good about myself and clean like no-one else could. With Carl, there had always been what had happened he first time he'd come onto me when I was fifteen like a shadow in the background of everything we did. With Merle, there were no such shadow. Even when Dad had made us and I knew he was fighting with himself from wanting it too, he'd done his best to protect me and go easy on me.

And what he had done to me under the shower…

I stifled a quiet moan at the recent memory despite my resolution for us to only be brothers. I suppressed the need to touch myself and closed my eyes and pressed my lips tightly together instead. He stirred in his sleep and let me go slightly. But I only clung to him harder, trying to mould – no, melt my body into his. Trying to get as close as possible to him – skin to skin.

Even if we were fully clothed.

Because he was going to keep me safe and tomorrow he would be sober and would stand up to Dad and we would leave for freedom finally…

I was so stupid for thinking Dad would ever let us go, not now he had his own personal porn show going on…with us – his own sons- the main stars…

I shuddered but fell asleep with Merle's arms around me and the door shoved up against the door keeping me safe.

Daryl - 2 hours later

I woke up groggily to feel a rough cloth being shoved into my mouth. He shook me hard to warn me to not make a sound as he twisted my arm painfully behind my back. I grit my teeth, knowing it wasn't worth my life to cry out in pain.

Or struggle.

Or fight back again in anyway.

He picked me up as effortlessly as you would a child and dragged me out of my bedroom to his. He made sure to shove a pillow into my brother's arms first though and the traitor – he sighed and snuggled contentedly into it thinking it was me no doubt. Then he shut my door gently first.

I knew it was no use fighting him.

When we got to his room, he threw me onto his bed while standing in my way in front of the door to block my exit. He turned on the light to examine me better.

I wondered at his restraint because hadn't he been without 'my hot little ass' for days now? Not allowed to join in with me and Merle or even watch.

I sat up on the bed and glared back over at him, crossing my arms across my chest and ignoring the dull ache from the left one from when he'd twisted it up my back.

He stood there mocking me and leering at me and how I wished the fucker would just drop down dead. 'Well, well…sleeping like two little innocent babes in the wood with all your clothes on. Your idea or his? I bet it was yours and he just went along with it to make you feel better, didn't he?'

'None of ya damn business. He's my brother – won't hurt me, no matter how much ya try and make 'im.'

He guffawed. 'We'll see about that tomorrow. First things first.' He started to yank down his blue and white striped pyjama pants off in a hurry.

I turned away. 'Get on with it then.' I ordered him.

He raised his eyebrows and even stepped back a little. I could tell he was taken aback at my lack of fear and the pleading which only made things worse usually but I somehow couldn't stop.

Then he produced the ropes he'd been hiding behind his back, knowing I hated that most of all and I lost my badass act at that and started to shake uncontrollably.

''Cos I been so long without.' He smiled mock apologetically and shrugged. 'Ya have to understand, little boy, ya should have come to me. Offered me up ya sweet self. 'Cos this is what happens when ya let ya Daddy go without too long.' He lectured gently.

'Fuck off and die!', I screamed back and he must have been worried
(without any reason) that my brother would wake up because he pounced on me then.

I hissed and fought him. He punched me a few times in retaliation in less obvious places where Merle wouldn't notice straight away. The first thing he did when he finally got me pinned down (and man, he was a heavy fucker and I felt like I could hardly breathe) was stuff that same rag into my mouth but this time he had time to tie it behind my head.

He roughly stripped me and tied me down – one limb to each of the bedposts and got on top of me.

To say it was one of the worst experiences of my life with the bastard is putting it mildly. He went at me like he thought it was his last time and his built-up lust for me shot down any minimal control he had.

He did what he always did and by the end of it, I was a trembling and bleeding. But at least it was only a couple of times, pretty restrained for him who had gone on at me all night last time he tied me up like that.

'Thank-you.' He kissed me on the temple tenderly like I'd had a choice as I lay there shaking like a leaf. I let out a sob of disbelief at that. Had he really just thanked me?

'Good boy. See how Daddy shows how much he loves ya?' He took my gag off for some reason.

'You stopped being my father a long time ago, you sick fuck.'

He ripped his hands away from me like he'd been stung. I took the chance to squirm uselessly in my bonds, trying desperately to escape.

Recovering himself, he slapped me until my head rang, splitting my lip and blackening my eye in the process. Did he forget his promise to Merle now that I belonged to both of them?

'You count yaself lucky, ya little bitch, that I don't go another round with ya. Only holdin' back 'cos I don't want to spoil things tomorrow when I get to Merle fuck ya right in front of me. No getting out of it this time. And I think ya had as much as ya can take tonight. Still, ya should be used to both ya big brother and Daddy inside ya by now.'

'Ain't gonna happen. I'll kill ya first!'

He got out his pocket-knife (maybe he couldn't be bothered to rush down to the kitchen to get the usual one or maybe he was enjoying himself too much to leave me right then – the latter probably)and snapped it open right in front of my eyes.

'Not if I kill ya first.' He trailed it down my back slowly, not breaking the skin just yet but the threat was very clear. Not being able to turn around and see what he was doing just added to the torture.

And he knew it.

I laughed scornfully at him, 'You'll never do that. Not when you get so much pleasure out of me.'

'Maybe.' He mused. 'But I can cut ya up and still use ya.' He slid the blade under me and I lifted my body as high as the ropes allowed before he pressed the knife against my genitals.

I gulped. Even I couldn't put on my tough boy act when he was threatening my balls.

He saw my fear even though I did not utter a word and perhaps having got what he wanted, he laughed and tossed the blade away. 'No, maybe I can still use those.'

I closed my eyes as he grabbed me roughly then started to touch me down there, gently, expertly. Like Merle. Thank fuck he removed his hand before I could really get turned on. Wouldn't be the first time he'd got my body to respond to his sleazy caresses and somehow it was even worse than when he was inside me.

Plus, spoiling my memories of brother's touch. Now his were all over me. I badly wanted a shower – at best, a bath but didn't dare suggest it. Bastard would join me in there and who knew what would happen. I winced and felt the pain physically like it was happening all over again – that time in the bath with my father and I whimpered followed by him crooning at me in sympathy and running a hand through my hair. I remembered him scissoring me with his fingers which had felt like battery acid when I was so sore because it had been my 'first time'.

Our 'first time'.

My 'first time' with my sicko father. If I slept with a girl, would that also be my 'first time'?

Did it count as your first time if you didn't want to?

I didn't know.

I bowed my head and felt so sad and ashamed again at the memory, I wished the floor would swallow me whole. I hadn't really expected him to be able to get at me when I was with Merle. I gritted my teeth and tried to keep my body shuddering to a minimum while he touched and caressed (even licked sometimes!) every square inch of me! It didn't hurt but somehow it was even worse than his violence and violation.

When he finished, he chuckled again as he shoved the gag back in and started to untie me.

'Now, don't ya misbehave when I take ya back to ya big brother.' He patted my hair like I was a misbehaving puppy. 'Don't want him to wake up. See how nice I'm being, not wearin' ya out for him.'

'You're sick.' I muttered because I was still bleeding a little but luckily not too much pain. It would fade eventually. Luckily, he didn't hear otherwise he would have punished me for sure.

I can't describe the sense of relief when he deposited me on the bed like a bag of potatoes and took away the pillow my oblivious brother was clutching. Merle didn't even wake up.

Of course, he didn't.

I felt even better when the creep left, shutting the door quietly behind him. I snuggled into Merle's chest, breathing in his familiar smell of cigarettes, booze and even his sweat and let it all soothe me.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me and I desperately wanted him to wipe clean everywhere Dad had touched. Inside as well as outside - I involuntarily shuddered, Merle mumbled something inaudible but comforting into my hair. And there was only one person who could do that. I blushed at the thought and buried my face in his chest, shying away from thinking about it too deeply. Anyway, what did I want him to do, exactly?

I wasn't sure. I shied away from thinking about it too deeply. In any case,I didn't want to be Dad's anymore and it was clear that it was me who had to deal with him so I would no longer be. No matter how much I loved my brother, I realised no matter how old he got, Merle was never going to be strong enough to stand up to Dad and set us free.

It would have to be me and I was determined to act on the plan brewing in my mind. It had been for days.

First things first, I got as close to Merle as I could and swung one leg over his.

My claim on him because if I was his, he was surely also mine.