Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in updating! This is one I'm finding really hard to write for some reason. I think because I'm not making too many changes to Edward and I'm being a perfectionist. I hope the next few chapters especially do his character justice. This one is a bit of a filler.
BPOV
Edward and I spent hours snuggling on his couch as I read through his earliest journals. He was now peacefully going through his music collection, keeping a soft, varied soundtrack going. He had clearly missed feeling like himself just as much as I had. He was happy to answer my questions as I read or fill in extra details when he saw where I was reading.
It was interesting to see how hard it was for him to come to terms with the fact that he was a vampire. Even after his first hunt, he was nearly in disbelief and thought it was some fever dream from the Spanish Flu. It took a few weeks for Carlisle to absolutely convince him of the truth.
It was also really difficult to understand how much of a curse his gift of mind reading could be sometimes, especially before he learned how to tune out all of the voices around him. It was a good thing Carlisle figured out what was happening so fast and drove Edward out of the city, or else he might have gone mad. He thought he was insane, and hearing made up voices in his head.
I nearly cried when I read how he described his first Christmas with Carlisle and how he had managed to hide his thoughts just enough to surprise Edward with a tree which they decorated together as they sang Christmas carols. Carlisle had always truly loved Edward like a son, even when they were pretending to be brothers.
"He's never failed to be a wonderful father." Edward whispered quietly from over my shoulder. "I don't remember my real one very much, but Carlisle has never had a bad thought about me. He would do anything to make his family happy, and many times even total strangers too. I always fear I've done something unforgiveable, yet he just welcomes me back with open arms."
"He loves you."
"He does."
"Just as much as I do." I said, suddenly feeling dizzy from colors flying around in front of my eyes. Edward had moved from behind me to kneeling down in front of me faster than my brain could process. He caressed my cheek with one of his cool hands.
"I had no idea."
"That I loved you?"
"That you loved me so unconditionally. I thought you were fascinated by me, that you liked spending time with me, thought I was eye candy like the other girls in Forks. I thought you would move on eventually, especially if I left."
"You know me better than that."
"I'm sorry that I ever doubted you. Every time I think I've finally told you something or done something that will make you run and scream you –" He was looking deeply into my eyes, at a loss for words.
I pulled him towards me for a kiss. He kissed me gently, cradling my face in his hands like I was made of glass. Tears fell from my eyes and I was held in his arms, both of us sitting on the couch again, in another of his imperceptibly fast movements. I was glad that he wasn't trying to hide his real self from me anymore.
I happily lost myself in my mate for a while, kissing, snuggling, loving each other. Everything about his presence comforted me, from touch to his scent, his voice, his proximity. I was overwhelmingly happy to be with him again. It took some time for us to be able to focus on anything other than the other, and I was absolutely alright with that.
The true indicator that Edward was truly distracted was when Alice and Jasper came walking into his bedroom. We had been so enthralled by each other that we hadn't heard anyone coming home. Edward looked so shocked I don't think he had even paid any attention to their thoughts.
Alice came running over to hug us both, which was difficult, because she hadn't even given us time to stand up or remove our arms from around each other. "Alice!" Edward laughed happily. "You could have said something when you all came in."
"We did!" She exclaimed. "We called both of your names a few times. Emmett said he even started thinking some really dirty thoughts to show you that we were home, and you didn't react. We decided to come check on you."
Jasper was standing in the doorway, smiling softly but not approaching us. "Hi y'all."
"Hi Jasper, Alice." I said, smiling at them. "I missed you all."
"We missed you too, Bella. We're so sorry." Alice grabbed my arms and lifting me up to hug me properly.
"It's alright. It's already forgiven."
"I'll take you shopping soon to make up for it."
"Please don't." I said.
Edward chuckled loudly. "Back to normal already. Always with the shopping." He stood up to hug Alice properly. I noticed that Jasper was still keeping an odd distance from us.
"You should have listened to me, brother."
"I know. My favorite pixie is always right." He ruffled her hair and she playfully smacked him. "I hear everyone else now. Speaking of favorites, I think I better get their favorite human downstairs before they come up here too." He laughed and put his arm around me, leading us downstairs.
I barely made it off the last step before Esme grabbed me in a motherly hug. "Bella! We missed you so much. We are so glad to see you safe. Edward! I've been beside myself with worry."
"I'm sorry." Edward said as Esme released me and they embraced.
We were passed to Carlisle, then Emmett. Rosalie wasn't anywhere in sight and Jasper seemed to be keeping his distance.
Emmett had me held in a big bear hug with my feet dangling off of the ground when Edward came to stand beside us.
"I'm not sure that I ever want to let this little one go." Emmett said with a booming laugh.
"Emmett, you're making me dizzy."
"Oh, dizzy?!" He asked before he started spinning us around in circles so fast that I thought I might be sick.
"She's going to throw up on you if you keep at it, Emmett." Alice said bluntly.
Emmett answered, "Then I'll see that she does it on Edward."
"Emmett!" Esme shouted, finally causing him to release me back to Edward's waiting arms.
"I missed you, kid."
"I missed you too, Emmett. I missed all of you so much."
"We're so sorry, Bella." Carlisle started, but Jasper stepped forward, still staying back, but just in front of me and Edward. "I am incredibly sorry. This is all my fault. You both have my word that I will never let such a thing happen again. There is no excuse."
"Jasper…" I slid out of Edward's grasp and walked towards him, taking one of his hands in mine. "This isn't your fault. It could have been any of you, even Edward. It's a risk that I'm fully prepared to take for what I get in return, my family. You acted on instinct and I forgave you the second it happened. Please don't treat me any differently because of this."
"Thank you." He whispered, sounding like he might cry if he could. He squeezed my hand reassuringly and then returned to his spot beside Alice. "We don't deserve you."
Carlisle smiled and gestured for everyone to get comfortable. We all sat around the couch and I was safe and happy in Edward's arms. I listened quietly while they caught up with each other until Alice appeared beside me. "Bella, you know you can always ask me anything. You don't have to be afraid of me."
"I don't want to upset you."
"You won't."
"How did you know?" I asked her.
"Well, you had decided to ask me last night and then changed your mind when you saw us all. It's OK. I know you and Edward haven't talked through everything just yet. The reason he came alone against Victoria is because he was closer to you. He had been tracking her. We were all prepared to come fight, but he insisted this was something he had to do alone, and we knew that the wolves would help him." I didn't like hearing that Edward had been endangering himself by tracking Victoria alone, especially when his family was willing to help, but I decided not to dwell on that now since he was safe beside me.
"I missed you Alice." I said, throwing my arms around her in an uncharacteristic display of affection that I usually didn't show to anyone other than Edward.
"I missed you too. We will all do whatever we can to make this up to you. We won't leave you again. I promise."
"I know." I said, releasing Alice to instead smile up at Edward, who pulled me closer to him. I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed his touch for a while.
"Bella, I believe you and my brother made a deal earlier." Alice said, making me open my eyes to look at her confused.
"Oh...yeah."
"I won't go if you don't want me to, love." He whispered in my ear.
"No, you need to hunt. I'm happy to spend time with the family."
"I'll see that she gets home safely before Charlie misses her, Edward." Alice said.
"I'll make sure my window is unlocked." I added with a smile. I didn't want Edward away from me, but I couldn't wait to see his eyes golden again and to know that he felt better.
"Bro time!" Emmett shouted, jumping up and standing in front of us. Jasper joined him. Edward kissed me slowly, almost sadly, but he got up and left with his brothers.
"He'll come in your window just after ten, within minutes of Charlie falling asleep." Alice said. "Now, I think there's something you and I might can talk through together."
"What's that?"
"How we should tell Charlie that we're back. Just letting him see Edward without warning will not be a good idea, trust me."
"What are you thinking?"
"I was hoping you might have some ideas."
And so, Alice and I spent a while talking on the couch. Carlisle and Esme went and got some groceries and happily made me a delicious dinner and things felt normal that evening. I was grateful. I truly felt like myself again.
