Charlie's reaction was a lot better than expected. I was afraid that he would attempt to homeschool me to try to make me avoid seeing Edward. I certainly wasn't expecting him to let Edward and Esme inside. Alice and Jasper came to join us in the house a minute or two after he left to return to work.

"Whatever magic you worked on my dad was awesome, Jasper."

"I didn't do anything hardly. That was all him. I did help convince him to let Esme and Edward in, and to follow Esme into the kitchen, but that was it. I didn't want to influence his emotions too much to where he didn't have a say in the matter."

"Wow. Seriously?" I couldn't believe it.

"Seriously." Jasper smiled at me. "Apparently, Esme struck a nerve when she mentioned soulmates. He really believes that about some people."

"Sorry I didn't see this ahead of time. He heard someone gossiping about Carlisle asking for his job back and he immediately panicked and wanted to make sure you were at school. We came over as soon as I saw."

"You got here just in time." Edward said, holding me close to him. "All is well."

"Sorry you had to drink coffee, Esme."

She just smiled gently at me. "Worth it."

"Are you going to have to eat pizza later for my sake too?" I asked Edward. I didn't want to make them uncomfortable.

"I took a bite of your pizza once." he said with a smile.

"Yeah, a bite."

"Well, that's up to you then. You know I don't mind. Or I can say Esme needed help unpacking and disappear right before he gets back."

"He'll be alright with that. He's thrilled to see Bella finally happy again." Alice said. I could tell by her face that she was searching her visions.

"That's fine. I know you'll be back as soon as he's asleep." He smiled at me, caressing my cheek. I looked into his eyes and suddenly, we were alone. Everyone disappeared just as quickly as they had arrived.

"It means so much to me that you trust that I'll come back."

"It's still a little scary, but I'm trying."

He bent down to kiss me, and I happily wrapped my arms around him and gave myself over to the sensations of being safe in his arms. I would never tire of it.


We were snuggled together on the couch when my curiosity was bugging me too much remembering our conversation from last night. "What did I say to change your mind about changing me? I think I understand now why you were so against it."

"You were so feisty." He grinned his crooked, mischievous grin. "You knew exactly what you wanted, and I had already decided that I was done denying you anything. Plus, I really wanted to kiss you." He leaned in for another kiss and I happily kissed him back. "And I think you're right about me trying to play God. I really have fought against everything I was meant for entirely too much. Sometimes, it's a good thing. I'm glad I don't kill people. But there is no life at all in being without my mate and it's not something I ever intend to experience again."

"Me neither." We couldn't stop kissing each other and that was perfectly alright with me. I had missed him so much. His presence alone comforted me and brought me indescribable happiness.

Before I met Edward, I had been content with my life. I had loving, if a bit aloof, parents, a few hobbies, and did well at school. It always felt like something was missing though. My mom had always called me an 'old soul.'

Edward came into my life and completed me in ways I didn't know I needed. He loved me, challenged me, accepted me. I could always be myself with him and never had any doubts that we were meant to be together, at least, not once I got over my feelings of not being able to compare to him.

"What are you thinking about, love?" he asked, running his fingers gently through my hair and studying my face. "I wish I could read your thoughts just once."

"Once would never be enough for you. You're too curious."

"True."

Of the many things I loved about Edward, one of them was his complete interest in anything I ever had to say. He always looked in my eyes like I held the answers to the universe.

"Honestly? I'm thinking about how much I love you. You always challenge me and try to help me try new things and live my life to the fullest and not be so afraid…. except for your driving." I smiled at him, but he looked as it he might want to cry. I snuggled closer to him and waited for him to be ready, happy just to have him home.

He sat me on the couch instead of his lap and whispered, "I'll be right back."

He reappeared in front of me in an instant, handing me one of his journals I hadn't read yet. It was open to one page in particular that he really wanted me to see.

January 25, 2005.

I'm not entirely sure why I saved the human girl from the van, but every cell of my body was focused on one conscious thought. 'Not her.' My family's wrath is completely worth it to know that she is alive and well. I'm not sure what this means for me just yet, but I can't live in a world where she doesn't exist.


He skipped quite a few pages and handed it back to me.

March 2nd.

I still can't explain the draw I feel towards Bella, but I hope that perhaps I can immunize myself to her scent if I spend more time around her. My intention was to spend some time outside of her house familiarizing myself with her scent from afar, but when she started speaking in her sleep, I had to get closer.

She said 'Edward' in her sleep with a smile on her face. I knew that the human girls found me attractive, but suddenly my undead heart started fluttering in my chest when this girl in particular mentioned my name. It made me happy. But why? Surely, no one could love a monster such as me. But somehow, she did. I knew that she did.

March 3rd.

This may be one of the dumbest things I've ever done, but I have to get to know Bella better. I feel as if my life depends on it. I invited her to join me at lunch today. My family was not happy, except for Alice, who is absolutely convinced that I'm in love with Bella and somehow not aware of it yet.

She passed out in Biology today. I never knew a human that could smell blood, but she described it perfectly. If Alice were correct, how could a vampire's mate possibly be disgusted by blood? Ironic. Nevertheless, the hour I spent with her at lunch was one of the happiest times I can remember.


He skipped a few pages again.

March 8th.

The human girl has a death wish. I really wish that I could read her thoughts. Human blood was nearly spilled tonight, if not for my more pressing desire to keep her safe. I thought that I was going to have to very regretfully silence her somehow when she seemed to realize the truth about me, but she didn't even care! She even wants to be around me. She was happy to see me. She should have been in shock, but she wasn't even bothered. Regardless, I know now that I must keep her safe at all costs.

He skipped several more pages again. There was clearly a progression he wanted me to understand.

March 12th.

I showed Bella my meadow today. She has quite a death wish! She didn't even tell anyone where we were going or that she would be alone with me! I could have killed her. I didn't want to though. I love her.

I kept waiting for her to run away screaming as I showed her the truth of what I really am, but she loves me too. She knows that I'm a damned immortal and by some miracle she is in love with me. Every touch of hers makes my undead heart flutter and sparks fly along my skin. She's so warm and soft. I know that it's wrong. I'm no good for her. I should leave her. But I need to be with her. I have never felt such joy as I do in her presence. She accepts me as I am, and I'm not sure how or why. I need her more than blood.

March 16th.

Bella nearly died today because of me, not only because I foolishly took her to play baseball with my family to where James was alerted to her existence, but because I almost didn't stop when I sucked his venom out of her. I nearly killed her my damn self! I have to leave her, no matter how much irreparable damage it does to me. She must be protected, even from me. I love her too much to harm her anymore.

"Edward…" I whispered. This was heartbreaking.

"One more, please." He skipped a few months this time.


September 14th.

It broke my heart to not stay the night with Bella when she asked me, despite wanting nothing more than to hold her in my arms and never let her go. My life is an endless night. There is no good left in my world, because now I know that I must leave her, for her own protection. And even worse, I know that she isn't going to let me go.

I'm not sure how I will ever be strong enough to do it, but I have to convince her that I don't love her. That she isn't my entire universe. That she isn't my mate.

The family put up a fight, but I finally convinced them that it's what's best for her. She was always in danger around me, if not from me then from others like me.

I can't live in a world where she doesn't exist. And so, I must leave. I hope that she will be able to move on quickly and find someone who can give her the world, as much as I would love to do so myself. Humans fall in and out of love so fast, unlike vampires. I know that she will recover, even if I'm leaving my entire heart with her for eternity. My life from this point forward has no meaning, purpose or happiness.

This was the last entry. He hadn't felt as if anything from this point was worth writing down. "Edward…" I was crying hard now and couldn't scramble back in his lap fast enough. I needed him to hold me just as much as I needed to hold him.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry. I just need you to understand how much you mean to me, how much you've changed me to not be so pessimistic about everything. Leaving you was nearly impossible. You are the greatest source of joy I've ever had in my life." He held me tightly against him and kissed my hair. "Vampire lore says that we can only really change for one thing once we're immortal, finding the love of our mates. They complete us in ways we never knew possible and bring us unfathomable pleasure. Carlisle believes our mate is our reward for the other harshness of living as we do. I was scared to believe it at first, but I've always known deep down that you're my mate. What I didn't understand was that I'm yours too. I have no idea how it's possible for a human to feel like you. Your hold on me is unbreakable. Please never doubt that."

"I don't. Not anymore."

"Good. Hearing you say those things about me. Bella, I never believed myself deserving of love. I've killed people. I've spent decades ungrateful for the life Carlisle has given me. I've judged others. All of this free time I could have used to help research the cure for cancer or something, I don't know, has been spent on personal interests like music. I don't feel like there's anything about me worth love, and especially not someone as pure as you."

"But do you believe it now?"

"I'm trying. Regardless of how I feel, I won't leave you again. I can't. You have my word."

"I'm going to make you believe me eventually."

"I look forward to it."

"Knowing why you left just breaks my heart even more. I'm really glad that you love me, but you didn't have to go. You should have just talked to me about how you really felt."

"You would have insisted that I change you and avoid all the drama."

"Probably."

"I didn't want to take your soul."

"I suppose so. I should have been more understanding when you told me your fears. I'm really sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He kissed me again and brushed away my tears with his thumbs.

"Hey, there's something that we still haven't talked about." I wanted to change the subject for now so that we could both calm down.

"What's that?"

"Help me figure out how to thank Seth for telling me you were outside?"

"Gladly. I don't think there's enough money in the world to thank him properly though. I was so scared to come and talk to you. It physically hurt me to not just let myself in your window and take you in my arms."

"I wish you had."

"Me too."

"I can bake him some cookies or something. The wolves love to eat. But that doesn't even begin to cover it."

"No, it doesn't."

"I guess I'll start there."

"Have they mentioned needing anything for the reservation?"

"They've been fundraising for a new school."

"Consider it funded." It was easy to forget just how much money the Cullens had.

"You think they'd accept money from you?"

"I'll have Jasper make up an organization that will take care of it. They won't know it's me."

"I love you."

"As I love you."

"It's perfect."


Author's Note: I hope that I did Edward's version of events justice in this chapter. Just writing that journal entry from September 14th made me cry. Poor Edward. I used the Twilight Lexicon timeline for this. Hope you love it! I'm not going to drag this particular fic out too long, but we do still have a few things to resolve. I'm hoping for 3-5 more chapters.