Chapter 91: Daddy
Sorry for not updating for a long time, I hope that you are still interested in reading the story. Anyway, here's a long chapter revealing one of Jamie's dark secrets. Is he more of a threat to Daryl than he first appears to be? Is it going to end badly for him when hasn't he been through enough already? Poor Daryl.
Please leave a review if you can to let me know if you like where the story is going. Or not. Thanks.
Jamie drove along the back roads near Daryl's mountain village, surveying the properties on the land he was negotiating buying. Most were antiquated hill shacks – some didn't even have running water or electricity and the ones that did were less than 30% average market value even in the current economic climate. Still, he wasn't worried. It was all part of the plan. He kind of enjoyed it too that Merle couldn't figure it out or him out, for that matter.
Or get under his skin, try as he might.
Jamie enjoyed running circles around the older Dixon. He was under no illusions that the guy could stand him despite them putting on a good show of comradery for Daryl's sake. They had at least one thing in common though – both of them cared about Daryl. Yet when he thought he wasn't looking; Merle's eyes were full of scorn and suspicion – the intense dislike just floating beneath the surface. Jamie hadn't been completely joking when he told him that he had felt like a boy being interrogated by his date's father at their first meeting. It was almost like ...Merle was jealous?
He was hell of a lot more touchy-feely than brothers were usually, too. Touching Daryl's arm or swiping his hand so quickly through his hair that Jamie wasn't sure it had even happened. Almost like it was to reassure himself that his brother was still there and that he was trying to prove something or give out some primitive signal to his rival just like the Neanderthal he was.
Seeing them together was a surreal experience to say the least...There was something between the brothers, something raw and achingly painful and young. He could see them skirting around it mostly but every now and then, it would raise its ugly head. Like when they were in bed, sometimes he would do or say the wrong thing and Daryl would freak out or simply shut down. It would take a lot of apologetic caresses and soothing on Jamie's part to put them back on track. Something to do with their drunken father who disappeared one night a year ago and never came back? Daryl had told him the story about their Dad's accident.
Maybe a story was all it was.
Jamie told himself that he was coming this way to survey all that he would soon own but it wasn't the real reason. The deal had gone surprisingly well after he struck up a good rapport with the client and he was back early. He considered phoning the brothers or driving over there to go and pick up Daryl without letting them know first but decided against it. Because if Daryl didn't want to leave his precious brother, there would be hell to pay. Anyway, Jamie thought he could put the extra time he'd gained to good use by checking that Daryl was OK with Merle – it was clear that he clearly loved him but Jamie knew more than anyone that long-engrained toxic family habits were hard to break. Maybe the older brother had been responsible for some of those scars he'd seen on his body? Probably had similar ones of his own. Family habits – imprinted from what was done in front of you that sometimes forced you to hurt the ones you loved even though you didn't want to. His thoughts reluctantly turned to his own big brother but he shut them down quickly. Thought about his teenage lover instead. Poor baby Daryl and all Jamie wanted to do was love him and make him feel safe. He just wished that he would give him everything that he wanted. Just that one little thing that he refused Jamie time and time again when he was sure that Daryl had done it before. His terror of being penetrated suggested a bad sexual past, possibly even rape?
Jamie prayed not but he couldn't deny that Daryl had all the signs of some kind of abusive past, pretty obvious in his tics and flinches and Jamie hadn't even needed to see the cuts and slash scars that Daryl said he got long ago in gang-fights gone bad and the others from falling out of a tree but something about this didn't sit right with Jamie. Mainly because knew his young boyfriend was pretty much a loner by nature and would never succumb to peer-pressure. Daryl was his own man, a lone man and it was his strong, individual character that Jamie loved most about him.
Jamie didn't risk asking about the circular burn scars in the perfect shape of cigarette butts. Bastard, he thought furiously to himself.
Anyway, he'd confirmed his suspicions for himself when he'd tried the belt to see his reaction – he had actually cowered! Like he'd actually expected Jamie to actually hit him with it! Tying his hands together when he punished him, another kinky trick that he'd been wanting to do since they met was met with the same reaction. Daryl had insisted that he tied them at the front – OK, some people didn't like being tied up, but still. Jamie put the father a good candidate for those scars and for those he no doubt had on his back.
But the boy liked being the sub – in all but the most important ways, except the one that the realtor cared most about.
Jamie drove his rented car (his last visit here had caused quite a stir among the locals). He remembered the two ugly, old hicks who seemed to know Daryl, demanding to know where his father was. One without an eye and the other, clearly assumed the role of village idiot with blank eyes and a drooling mouth. Jamie had interfered initially to play the white knight hope to impress him at the same time. He didn't like to see an unfair fight.
Jamie chuckled. It had actually been quite funny, could have led to some serious fun but he'd overheard Daryl tell them that he was only 17, so that had meant that they were going nowhere that night. To be honest, he had seriously doubted that the boy was legal to look at him but at least he could have said that he didn't know but he doubted that he would have still crossed that line even if Daryl had said he was older. He was no cradle-snatcher and he had his reputation to think of.
Jamie hadn't seen Daryl for more than a year after that and there had been no contact between them – no phone numbers or other details had been exchanged. He smiled at Daryl calling out 'Promise?' to him after they kissed the first time. He'd seemed pretty eager then and Jamie prayed that he wouldn't forget him while he stayed away until he turned legal. He was pretty sure that he could find him again, even if he moved – but he knew people like the Dixons rarely did and were tied to their land by hiring someone to track him down. He would have paid a small fortune to find a boy like him again, ones like Daryl only came along once in a lifetime. Also, to check that he was single and even he wasn't...He would have found a way to make him his again.
And so, he did.
He considered going to their local joint where they'd first met in case they were there. Surprise them with the added bonus of pissing off the older brother. He and the other man he was with for business purposes only the first time had enjoyed of slumming it for once but now Jamie changed his mind. He wasn't going to risk going into that fleapit, not on his own. Not that he was intimidated or couldn't handle himself but Daryl was coming home the next day and he wanted to get their home ready for him. Maybe with a nice, home-cooked meal.
No, he had something else to do. Told himself that the reason for doing this was to check that Daryl was safe with his big brother if they were at home not that the boy couldn't protect himself if needed. But that thing hanging between them, whatever it was, made him unsure. Jamie knew that he would see Daryl in less than 24 hours but he simply couldn't wait that long. He hadn't stopped missing him and thinking about him the whole time he was away. Besides, he was curious.
The vibes between the two of them were definitely tense and full of something …that Jamie couldn't identify. Definitely not normal.
I want to check that the brute isn't doing anything else to him that he shouldn't be. He startled then, surprised at himself. The thoughts his jealous mind churned up!
Why did I think that just now? Doing what, anyway?
He shook his head to clear it and pondered all these questions while he drove. He wanted to know Daryl better, understand him and where he came from. What he'd been through.
He sighed as he turned onto the street and it was dark. Of course, it was it was early or late, depending on who you were and all the streetlights were off.
He cruised by the houses, he'd done his homework and knew the number. He checked the window as he drove by casually and thanked his lucky stars when he saw all the windows dark except for the living room one. He bet they were watching TV with the curtains slightly open.
He couldn't see anything from the car so he decided to park a little way and sneak up to the house. If he didn't see anything, he didn't but he'd try his damnest.
…
Jamie carefully crept up to the window and clung to the sill. He could heart the TV blaring – it had been the blue light he had seen flickering when he drove past.
Being as careful and quiet as he could, he peered in to the gap between the curtain and didn't know what to think at what he saw.
Daryl laying stretched out full-length, sleeping innocently on the couch with his head in his brother's lap. Merle was watching the TV and stroking his hair slowly in the same motion, over and over, brushing his fingers lightly through it. Looked like the older Dixon had been doing it for hours and every now and then, he'd take a mouthful from the nearly empty glass of liqueur on the side table or lift up his burning cigarette from its ashtray. However, Merle didn't seem to be really watching the TV, seemed to be staring straight through it at the wall at something else. He didn't appear to be drunk or out of it which was weird just before he turned back to gaze down at his slumbering little brother.
Jamie found himself taken aback and not to say a little jealous at the tenderness of the scene that spoke volumes about the love and trust they had for one another which had been nothing like he'd imagined on the drive there. Daryl, he knew was a light sleeper, always on the look-out even in his sleep but now he appeared to be in the deepest, restful slumber of his life in the protective arms of his big brother. But what had Jamie been expecting to see?
Then Merle looked up directly at the window and it seemed like he could see him! With a surge of panic that he wasn't used to feeling by any means, Jamie rapidly withdrew and walked quickly back to his car. He felt almost ashamed for spying on them but what he'd seen had reassured him that Merle wouldn't hurt Daryl. Had never hurt him. You couldn't hurt someone you held and touched like that, while looking down in adoration at them with a slight smile curling your lips. Yes, Jamie could see all of this even from the window - his sharp eyes never failed him. Of course, it was one glimpse into their lives but still.
So, it must have been the father.
Shame the drunken old bastard isn't here, I would give him back those scars ten times for what he did to Daryl. Good job for him that he isn't around anymore. Jamie thought furiously and gripped the wheel.
Most important job done Jamie started to think about the next one. But he needed to get out of here first – it wouldn't do to be recognized although the chances of anyone around there recognizing him was pretty small. Although his flash car did stand out like a sore thumb.
He thought of the boys in Texas he'd whiled away the time with impatiently until Daryl turned legal. Getting the lay of the land although the housing market wasn't so great there either at the moment. The Powers That Be reckoned that it would pick up next Spring or so. If all went well, he planned to open a new branch of his company there next year. Maybe even a ranch down there a few years later if there if all went well.
Musing on these plans, he drove to the next town along to find what he was looking for. He hadn't been there since Daryl – hadn't needed to after the boy became his but after seeing them together and knowing that he could never compete with flesh and blood had torn out a gaping hole in his soul and he needed to fill it with something, anything even if only for one hour or so.
Because he was alone and he was empty with the realization that Daryl would never love him as much as he loved his brother.
…
He drove slowly along the main street, guilt almost taking over and forcing his hands to drive the car into reverse. But they didn't. Only guided the wheel onward like they had a mind of their own or were detached from his body. Don't do it…if he found out, you would lose him. You don't need to do it anymore.
Jamie soothed his conscience by telling himself that it was Daryl's fault. If only he could trust him fully like he did Merle, trust that Jamie was never, ever going to hurt him… He was distracted in his internal monologue as he came into a town where the lights were on and young, scantily clad people were pouring out of the bars and clubs but Jamie ignored them. He wasn't interested in them.
He kept driving straight and turned left. On and on until a shadier part of town. There were cross-dressers, junkies and all the residents of the gutter. Some were rail-thin, with hideous sores all over their body which they flaunted nonetheless despite the cold, obviously in the full-blown stages of the terrifying new disease AIDS and still plying their trade and callously infecting others. Murderers. AIDS – the gift that keeps on giving with no cure, no treatment and no vaccine. If he was angrier and not just merely upset, he'd…His hands gripped the wheel with sudden determination. Jamie knew the look of those who had backs with the monkey riding them and the plague-carriers and fortunately none of his friends or associates who were bent the same way had been infected. Not yet. Most of these wretched scumbags were both. The fatal condition was no doubt caused by their preferred work choice and the drug habit that fed it in a never-ending 'who came first, the chicken or the egg' vicious downward spiral.
He's the reason I'm in this hell-hole. It's all Daryl's fault. All his fault…if he would only give into me, I wouldn't have to go someplace like this to get it. I wouldn't have to look at these dregs of society. They deserve to be cut down by the new virus.
Hell – they are the virus.
If that was true, why was he here?
Jamie eyed some of the brazen hawkers of their own bodies with open disgust, thinking how they never tried to work legally, never tried to better themselves. Most of them (apart from the poor kids, obvious runaways probably from abuse) deserved that life in Jamie's opinion.
He ignored most of them and kept his windows closed until he saw what he was looking for. A slender built boy bordering on scrawny but relatively clean with brown hair slightly lighter than Daryl's. Yet his face was was narrow and full of sharp angles, just like his boyfriend's. A little underweight but otherwise healthy looking but with the new virus raging, that didn't always mean a lot. He was clearly older than the runaway youths who couldn't have been more than 13 or 14 trying to look legal, acting all 'adult' and tough – he wouldn't risk touching them. He wasn't into the really young ones anyway – he wasn't a pedophile for God's sake. The thought of raping a vulnerable child made him sick to his stomach.
And the guilt refused to let up. He suddenly wished he'd bought some whiskey at the kiosk on the way because doing it again was harder than he expected. What the hell was he doing? Cheating on Daryl? Putting him at risk of…This was the first time he'd given in to his old vices since he'd got together with him. It had been something about seeing Daryl with Merle and the trusting, completely relaxed way he was sleeping with his head in his lap like a carefree child that had been the straw that broke Jamie's back. He'd seen an easy intimacy that he'd worked hard for nearly a year to build with him and still not got and this realisation finally tipped him over the edge.
Finally, the boy saw him and flagged him down. He looked almost happy or at least relieved as Jamie considerately stopped to oblige him. The wealthy man felt in his pocket to make sure that he had condoms – he wasn't going to risk getting AIDS or any other nasty STD from these specimens of human trash. Or the worst-case -scenario - giving them to Daryl.
'Ya lookin' for company tonight, Mister?' The kid addressed him boldly and flashed a toothy smile full of gaps. Meth-head no doubt but apart from that, he looked surprisingly healthy.
'Yeah. What ya offerin'?'
'Hand-job, suck off or all the way.'
'How much? Do it my car?'
The boy nodded and rattled off the prices. The guy looked rich and clueless like a nervous first-timer to him - easy - so naturally he doubled them, thinking with relief that he could take the rest of the night off after with the takings he'd already made. They continued to negotiate the terms.
'All the way. Don't worry, I got protection.'
'Happy to do bareback but it's gonna cost ya more, Mister.'
Jamie shot him a sharp, unexpected glance of pity causing the younger man to start to let feelings in that he'd deliberately stopped himself from feeling. By using drugs and drinking booze mainly.
'No, you don't have to do that. Only call me 'Daddy' while I do you and I'll call you 'Daryl'. OK?' Jamie demanded.
'OK, Daddy.' The piece of gutter-trash had already recovered and was clearly unfazed by the request.
'Money first.' The boy demanded as he got in. Jamie immediately drove them to somewhere more private which was a dark, wide alley-way a few yards away.
Jamie cuffed him without warning once they stopped. 'Ya forgot somethin'.'
'Please-give-me-the-money-Daddy.' He lowered his eyes. He was good, he knew the ropes, he'd got the meek little-boy voice down to perfection.
'That's better.' Jamie handed it over and while he was counting it, unable to believe his eyes at the generous tip - 200 dollars in total! Like it was nothing! Probably, he wouldn't have to work for a whole month! Maybe even 2 if he stretched things out like didn't eat every day. Didn't overdo the drugs. The asshole was clearly loaded from his designer suit to his rented luxury car. The sex-worker was grateful for its spacious interior as he quickly pocketed his earnings thinking, maybe he could become a regular…
Jamie brushed his hair off his face and tried to kiss him. The other's breath stank but Jamie didn't notice because he was only seeing Daryl sitting there in the passenger seat.
The boy jerked away in shock. 'What the fuck ya doin', Daddy?'
Jamie grabbed him by the scruff of the neck.
'Paid ya extra, didn't I?'
'Yeah, but...'
'But what?'
He bowed his head and yielded and Jamie let him go. He'd seen plenty of these Daddy freaks before and knew what turned them on. Made them tick.
'Sorry, Daddy. Please don't get mad with me.'
Jamie laughed gently. 'No, of course, I'm not. Just let me kiss ya, Daryl.' Jamie gently cupped his face in his hands. 'Sh... Daddy ain't gonna hurt ya. Jus' want to make ya feel real good, baby.'
'Yes, Daddy.' The boy was at loss to do. He didn't even see himself as homosexual, had just run away from home six months ago and had been living on the streets since. After 3 years of 'it' as he called it in his head, he finally couldn't take any more and no matter what he did or how much he worked out in the school gym he always got overpowered. Even though he looked full-grown. He was actually only just 17 but he knew he looked older, of course, that wasn't always a good thing in his line of business. At least he was getting paid to do this shit – his stepfather never paid him and he could convince himself that he was in control when he was out working the street. There was a certain pride to earning your own money, even for people like him.
The boy gritted his teeth and reluctantly opened his mouth. After all, he'd just been paid more than he could earn in a month, so he couldn't really say no.
It was just a kiss, after all.
Chris let Jamie in, fighting the nausea that came on suddenly because he never did this – it smacked of the intimacy that he'd only ever shared with a few girls at school. He'd never actually kissed another man before. Plus, the guy reminded him of his mother's husband even if he was not so rough and his touch gentle (in comparison) but he didn't think he could afford to turn this one down and not see him regularly, if that was what the wanted.
Still a creep, though.
Fuck, doesn't this guy know that this is just a business transaction? He's looking at me like I'm someone else. But helping them make their sick fantasies real was part of the job sometimes.
He squirmed and thought of how to end it as quickly as possible without offending his customer. Jamie gasped when Chris reached down to touch him between the legs. Making him gasp and thankfully, break off the kiss.
'Let's get on with it, Daddy.' Chris looked up and pouted at the other, licking his top lip seductively, feeling stupid and ashamed as he did so. But he badly wanted this to be over, to end. But he also just as badly wanted to keep the guy's money.
Jamie took the hint. He was getting harder too as Chris kept on touching him.
Almost as good as Daryl!
'Can I take it out?' Chris oohed and aahed like it was the best Christmas present in the world and looked up at him with an innocent yet expectant expression.
Jamie smiled coldly as he slapped his head. 'Can I take it out, what?'
'Can I take it out, Daddy?' He pretended to be childishly eager.
'Of course, ya can, Daryl.'
Chris got to work while Jamie carefully undressed him.
'Got it, Daddy?'
Jamie grinned and handed him the rubber. Chris put it on him like an expert.
'Kiss me, baby.' Jamie ordered, running his hand through his hair.
Jamie tried to suppress a shudder of revulsion at his touch and reached up to the man's face to obey but Jamie smiled at him gently and shook his head.
'I mean down there like you always do, Daryl.'
'Uh...OK.' Jamie wasn't sure if he wanted him to take him into his mouth or not but it hadn't been part of the deal. Still, he'd been paid well-enough to give the guy anything he wanted. Taking it literally, he kissed his way up his shaft before he looked up at him questioningly.
'That's very good, boy.' Jamie bucked and breathed. 'Think I'm ready.' He took the lube out of his pocket and didn't bother asking the boy if he was.
'Get on the back seat, Daryl.'
'Daryl' scrambled to obey and Jamie followed him and straddled him. It was a bit of a squeeze to say the least.
'Now, I don't know how many men have had ya but I'm guessin' ya no virgin, are ya, boy?'
'Daryl' didn't answer. He didn't know what to say.
'Answer me, Daryl!'
'Uh, no, Sir – I mean, Daddy.' Then he added in confusion, he whispered uncertainly, 'Is that what I should say?'
'Should say, DADDY!' Jamie cuffed him.
'Ya want me? Inside ya?' Jamie started to prepare him.
Understanding the game now, Chris was much quicker on the uptake.
'Yes, Daddy. I want ya inside me.' He made a show of panting and moaning as Jamie started to prepare him.
Jamie kissed the back of his neck and Chris moaned in disgust. Luckily, Jamie thought it was in pleasure.
'That's my boy. I'll go slow, promise.'
Please don't. Chris thought to himself, praying the pervert would hurry up. It wasn't the craziest request he'd had but something about the guy just freaked him out and he quickly gave up on the idea of seeing him again. He couldn't wait to get out of there quick enough, he was clearly a crazy, huge tips or no. He endured the thrusts that seemed to last forever and pretended he was somewhere else, not in his body just like he'd learned years ago to do. Even so, repulsed as he was, he could tell that the weirdo wasn't deliberately trying to hurt him.
'Thank-you, Daryl. Thank-you for letting me.' He murmured and kissed the top of his head as he gently slid out.
Afterwards, Chris tried to buck Jamie off and get up but Jamie just held him down there on the back-seat.
'What's the rush?'
'No rush.' Chris spoke through gritted teeth. He forgot to say 'Daddy' but this time Jamie didn't 'punish' him.
'Come here.' The man pulled Chris to him, so that his head was in his lap and ran his fingers through his hair. 'It's OK, I didn't hurt ya, did I, baby?' He wondered if Daryl would ever be able to relax like that with him afterwards if they ever did it.
This isn't part of the deal. Does he think I'm his kid or something, does he do this to him like fucking Lenny did to me? All the time calling me his son? Chris thought angrily to himself but kept quiet.
'I have to go. Time's up.' He tore himself off him.
Jamie let him go with a sigh of disappointment. 'I understand. Look, I can give you more for your trouble if that's what you're worried about…' He reached inside his bulging wallet from his coat pocket.
Chris looked at it longingly but pushed the outstretched bundle of notes away, thinking it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done apart from enduring the pain from Lenny. I'm crazy. He only wants to kiss and cuddle now but I can't…he makes my skin crawl…Freak fuckin' freaks me out when he calls me Daryl…No!
Jamie was clearly disappointed. Reading the other's mind, he said to him, 'Only wanted to give you some affection which I can tell you haven't had much of in your life and to make sure that you're well compensated but no, ya say ya got to go. Fine.' He spoke with a slightly aggrieved tone. 'You at least got place with a number I can call or somethin'?' He'd see him again because he looked like Daryl and best of all, didn't get scared like he did. However, the boy was too busy scrabbling to get out of the car as fast as he could to answer.
As soon as he was safely out with the roll of banknotes clutched in one hand, Chris turned back to him and gave him the finger with the other. 'Fuck off, freak. Think I'm gonna give a perve like you my number even if I could afford somewhere to stay with a fuckin' telephone? I mean look at me.' He put his hands in his filthy coat pockets – it was far too big for him now and shook his shoulders. 'Rich pricks like you have no fuckin' idea. 'He shook his head in disbelief and jerked his head pointedly in the direction of Jamie's big satellite phone lying carelessly on the front seat. 'But thanks for the tip, Daddy.' At Jamie's look of shock, he added, 'What? You fuck ya own son, that why you make me call you that? Plenty that do, ya know.'
Jamie looked back at him sadly. 'Is that what happened to you, Daryl? Why you're so scared of it? Don't worry, we can get over this together.'
'No! It didn't' happen to me! And I'm not Daryl whoever he is, you crazy asshole!' The boy yelled and stuck up his fingers again behind him before he ran off as fast as he could. The guy gave him the creeps – the holding afterwards had been nearly worse than the kissing. He'd felt like he didn't exist even more than usual with his johns.
Jamie just stared after him in disbelief. He'd been kind to him, hadn't got rough and even given him a tip fit for a king and this was the thanks he'd got?
Daryl
He never complained about being the receiver when it came to sex, well, up until he flipped us around that was and another time, tried to do it when I was sleeping. Leaving me to wake up thrashing around in terror, temporarily transported back to the past because Dad had liked to do the same shit to me. Adding to my terror and helplessness.
After a lot of cursing, I managed to get him off me, giving him an ultimatum if he still wanted me in his life that he would never try anything like that again until I felt ready. He acted like he really loved me, really cared about me and was willing to wait but he wasn't. He'd proved by this that his patience was rapidly running out and he was approaching the limits of his self-control. Maybe he wouldn't have been able to hold back any longer if it weren't for the near - constant blow-jobs I gave him. Maybe even on the verge of tricking me and forcing me. Part of me wouldn't have even blamed him.
I didn't consciously admit this though. I loved him too much but later I could see as clear as day.
After 'it' happened, of course.
There were times I gave in, just to make him shut up but I had to admit that from his side, me not letting him take control after a year and half together must have seemed pretty strange to him. I was no virgin and the trust should have been there by now...I had let my brother and my teacher but for some reason I didn't want my boyfriend who loved me inside me. It wasn't that I didn't trust him exactly but the feelings of panic and terror would come sweeping over me, just like with Dad and I didn't know why. Having Jamie inside me nearly always led to the flashbacks being with him and I would grit my teeth and try to endure it for a while to keep him happy but then I couldn't take any more and I'd plead with him to take it out.
First few times that happened, he was understanding. Stopped straight away and just held me with apparently no hard feelings.
'What did he do to ya, huh? Who was it?' He'd croon, stroking my hair. 'Who hurt ya so bad and made ya so scared of love? Why can't ya tell me?'
I turned my head away without answering so in the end he gave up trying to find out. I didn't want him to change his view of me...I didn't want him to see me as a victim. I just wanted to forget the past.
Later on, when I agreed to let us try again, hoping again that this time would be different and I could let myself go and enjoy the ride but it never was, he would become less sympathetic.
'No, don't.' I whimpered, in pain not pleasure but I wasn't sure he could tell the difference.
'What's wrong this time, huh?' He would growl as he continued to thrust harder and harder despite my pleas for him to stop when he used to withdraw immediately at one sign of distress from me. As if making the most of the opportunity before I made him take it out.
'Can't...' I would wheeze in panic, heart pounding. 'Please, stop, Jamie. It fuckin' hurts...'
'Why the fuck does it hurt? I spent ages preparing you.' He panted irritably but with a long sigh of disappointment, he would pull out and immediately start to jerk himself off in front of me.
I watched him dispassionately, knowing that it was a silent reproach until one day, he stopped and got a gleam in his eye as if he'd suddenly had an idea that excited him.
'Hey, why am I doin' myself? Get up.' He ordered me harshly, breathing hard while I was still trying to get my emotions under control and shoved me off the bed so I fell on my knees in front of him. Right where he wanted me, apparently. Then, he moved to wave his swollen, angry-looking cock in my face. 'Least ya can do when ya make me pull out early is finish me off.'
I reluctantly obeyed and took him in my mouth and did my best tricks to keep him happy. Some Merle had taught me when he used them on me in the past and other shit that I somehow just knew what to do to keep him happy. Just like with Dad to avoid a beating or even worse.
Of course, it didn't always work.
'Everythin' I do for you and you won't even let me do that one little thing and it ain't like we jus' met. 'Cos it is jus' a tiny thing, don't ya know, baby?' He said after he finished and I swallowed but at least he was looking more mellow and less pissed-off. I let myself relax a little.
I shook my head. 'It ain't! Not for me, it ain't!'
'Well, it's something we gotta keep working on. I'm a patient man and if you're able to let me stay inside you a little bit longer each time, that's a good sign, don't you think? Ain't we making progress?'
I said nothing in reply because I didn't know why we failed every time we tried. I mean, I let my brother and my teacher do it with no problem most times, so why couldn't I do the same with him? When I knew he loved me and always promised that he would never hurt me if I just let him/ I knew that he wanted me to get as much pleasure out of it that he did, if not even more.
Then why did it seem like it was Dad inside me every time he tried to fuck me?
That he was just as bad as Dad in his own way never crossed my mind. Not back then. So, I shrugged his increasingly controlling behaviour off and told myself that my feelings of paranoia and not being able to trust him completely like I should have been because of my bad experiences with men.
I was so young and ignorant because if there ever was a sheep in wolf's clothing, Jamie was it.
