Caesar
To say that Caesar was angry was a gross understatement.
Even now, a few days after their departure from the colony, the Ape King was furious with his mate and made sure to let it show. It was night time and the two had gone off to discuss things in private while everyone else was asleep back at the campsite. It would have been a lovely sight for one of their quiet evenings, with the sound of the ocean's waves in the distance and the moon's pale light shining down upon them, but their tranquil surroundings were the last thing on Caesar's mind right now.
"You should not have come." He spoke, eyeing Lydia with a disapproving look – a look that seemed to have little to no effect on her right now, which only served to irk him further.
"Yes, you already said that five times." She answered calmly. Tiredly. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she sat on a large, lichen-covered boulder. "I still fail to see what you're trying to achieve by doing so, though."
He very nearly bristled at her insolence.
"I charged you with taking care of Cornelius in my absence, and still you came here!" He fumed. "You are the mother he knows! The one he feels safest with and you left him!"
At that, her eyes seemed to flash with anger as she turned her head sharply to face him head on.
"Don't you dare pretend that what you did was a show of trust or shared parental responsibility! You made this decision all by yourself, not even bothering to discuss any of it with me!" She wasn't yelling – at least not yet – but her tone was defiant and shoulders square as she stared up at him.
In any other circumstances, Caesar would have been impressed by her ability to face him like this. True, he wouldn't hurt her like he would a challenging ape male, but it was still a wonder to him how she absolutely refused to bow her head in submission like everyone else usually did when faced with his angry stare.
Right now, however, Caesar was not impressed one bit. He gritted his teeth, catching himself thinking that Cornelia, while she may have protested his actions, would never have defied him like this. He immediately felt guilty for the thought and managed to remind himself that there really was no comparing the two females. Doing so would be unfair to both of them and a fool's errand on Caesar's part.
"I did what I deemed to be best for you all." He answered, trying with all his might to calm himself.
Lydia didn't make that task any easier, though, as she raged on with matching intensity.
"You abandoned us!" She accused, something akin to betrayal present in her gaze.
Caesar chose to ignore it.
"I left to give you all a fighting chance!"
"Do you still expect me to believe that or have you actually become delusional enough to believe in it yourself?" Lydia wrinkled her nose at him in disbelief, a frown on her face.
It caught him off-guard and he recoiled just a fraction at the jab.
"What?!" The Ape King exclaimed as his hackles steadily began to rise. He was definitely not used to that tone from her – or anyone, for that matter – and was momentarily stunned by it.
Which only provided Lydia with enough time to argue further.
"You said the soldiers would chase after you, but do you really believe that they'll be looking for you alone? all by yourself? They'll expect you to be with your apes, Caesar!"
"I will track them before they search for the colony." He insisted stubbornly. "When I kill him, the soldiers will be chasing me instead."
She shook her head at him, disappointment and disbelief showing on her face, and once again only managing to further aggravate his temper.
"To what end, Caesar?" Lydia questioned critically. "So far we have only managed to follow their tracks. Even if we do catch up with them, how are you going to get close to him? And how did you ever expect to do it alone in the first place? What if he splits up his forces to cover a wider area?"
Caesar's frown deepened as his agitation swelled within his gut. He knew he couldn't answer these questions – in truth, he hadn't even thought about these things. He just knew what he had to do and that he couldn't let anything, or anyone stop him.
Not even Lydia.
She didn't give him time to come up with a reply either way, shaking her head once more as she continued to speak.
"And even then, if you actually did manage to kill him and have his army chase you, how would it end, Caesar? When would it end?" Lydia pressed, leaning forward. "Did you ever plan on returning to us?"
That question struck Caesar particularly hard as he thought of the implications behind it. Was he going to let the soldiers chase him for the rest of his life? Would they be willing to go that far? Was he ever going to be able to shake them off and return to his apes? To Lydia?
To his son?
Or would the soldiers manage to kill him before he could get away?
He gritted his teeth again and stared hard at his mate, neither of them willing to back down.
Yes, he decided. He would be able to escape them. He was one ape and he had faced many dangers before in his life and still survived. He had survived the prison that had been San Bruno, the apes' escape across the bridge, the trials and tribulations of learning to live in the forest, all the while being chased by humans and their horrible weapons. He had survived Koba's betrayal, Cornelia's death and numerous skirmishes in the forest for the past two years.
And a few nights prior, he had survived the Colonel's attempt at his life…
Still, he knew that this was not guaranteed to work as he intended – few things ever seemed to, honestly. It was why he had told Maurice, Luca and Rocket, when they had come riding after him, that he might not make it back.
It had been a warning.
Caesar had known even then that this could potentially be a suicide mission, which was why he had left Cornelius in Lydia's care to begin with.
He hadn't stopped to think how she might feel about it. How it might affect her. How his absence might make her suffer.
True, he hadn't discussed it with her, but only because he knew that she would protest and, worst of all, follow him on his quest for revenge. He knew her well enough to predict this. That was why he had not told her anything until he had handed Cornelius over to her, counting on her to stay for the child's sake as she stood with his hand in hers.
But no matter his counter-measures, she had followed him anyway! Just like Maurice, Luca and Rocket had done, only it hadn't been nearly as infuriating for them to do so, because he hadn't specifically put any of them in charge of his son's upbringing while Caesar himself was absent!
"The apes would be fine without me." He stated simply, only vaguely answering her question – he had had every intention of returning, sure, but that didn't mean that it was going to happen. Life was unpredictable like that, he had learned. "And I have to do this, Lydia."
"No! You don't have to do this, and you don't have to do it alone either! You're being selfish! That's all there is to this, Caesar!" She uncrossed her arms from her chest, planting them firmly on top of the boulder she was sitting on and letting her nails dig into the thin layer of lichen beneath her fingers.
"You left everyone behind as well to follow me! And not just Cornelius, but Orion as well!" He knew it was probably a pathetic move on his part to drag Orion into this, but that didn't change the fact that she had left him behind. Left her own son to chase after the Ape King, her secret lover. And right after he had returned to her after two years' separation as well.
But yet again, Lydia seemed intent on countering him – and now he had made the mistake of pulling Orion into their argument.
"Don't you even start!" She hissed venomously, her blue eyes narrowing at him. "You know there's a huge difference between me leaving Orion and you leaving Cornelius!"
"And where lies that difference? Care to explain?" He couldn't help but challenge, staring down at her expectantly.
"Well, first of all, Orion is an adult now! He can fend for himself and doesn't need my protection anymore. But Cornelius does need protection! He's just a child and he still needs you, for goodness' sake! He deserves better than for his father, his only living relative, to dump him into the arms of someone else like this!"
Caesar bristled at that, puffing out his chest and looming in front of Lydia like a menacing beast – had it been anyone else facing him, they would have shrunk back and tried to appease the Ape King.
But not Lydia. She still held firm, staring defiantly up at him, directly into his eyes, and still with her hands planted firmly beside her on the boulder, making her look like she was ready to jump up at him at any moment.
"I did not 'dump' him and not into just 'someone's' arms! I put you in charge of his safety because I trust you! Because he trusts you! You and the apes are the most precious thing I have!"
"Then why leave?! Huh?!" She persisted once again. Was that a hint of hurt in her eyes?
Caesar couldn't tell, and besides, it was gone as quickly as it had appeared, making him wonder if it had even been there at all.
What he could tell, however, was that they were arguing in circles. Like they had done all night, really.
"If we are so precious to you, why did you insist on leaving everyone behind? To seek petty revenge? Just for the sake of getting back at one man when your entire people need you?"
"He killed my son." Caesar growled with vehemence. "Snuck into our home. He hurt you – tried to kill you!"
The Ape King's canines showed just a little bit more with every word uttered and his brow were knitted together so tightly he could feel the strain on his forehead even through his anger.
"Can you say that you would not do the same if it had been Orion?"
"Even if it had been the case and I had gone, the difference is that I don't lead the entire fucking colony!" She argued, eyes full of fury and frustration. It was rare she used profanities when talking to him – a clear sign that she was truly frustrated with him right now. "You think Blue Eyes' death doesn't hurt me too? For fuck's sake, I saw it happen, Caesar! I've known him since he was just a child! You think I can't imagine what it's like for you?"
Her voice began to tremble slightly as she said that, though Caesar paid no mind to this fact – only her words, which had stoked the now roaring fire that was his temper.
Something inside that fire now seemed to solidify into a heavy, cold metal ball in his chest, which quickly expanded inside his chest and squeezed his next words out of him.
Words he never meant to say.
"How could you know what it is like to lose a child when your own was never truly yours to begin with?!" He spat harshly. Brutally.
And he regretted it as soon as that sentence had left his mouth.
Dead silence fell between them then, for the first time since they had come here. The only sounds now were the distant rumble of waves crashing against the shore, the wind rustling the trees' leaves and Caesar's slowing pants as his anger suddenly dissipated.
The cold, heavy metal ball in his chest seemed to shrink back into nothingness in a mere instant, and instead he felt how his heart constricted as he watched Lydia's expression transform in front of him. She drew back with widened eyes, her jaw going slack as she stared up at him in shock. It was almost like she couldn't believe he had said it – which was probably true. Honestly, Caesar couldn't quite believe it himself either.
Now, the Ape King had never been drunk – had never had as much as a sip of alcohol in his life, in fact – but he had seen others, humans, being drunk, and heard the expression 'sobering up', though he had never quite understood the term.
He was pretty sure he did now, however, because this fit the description Malcolm had once provided pretty well. Like a sort of veil distorting your vision being removed from your eyes so that you can see clearly once more. Control yourself and your basest of impulses again. It usually happened slowly, over time, but could also be an instant reaction to something dangerous or regrettable.
Like what had happened right now.
The veil that had distorted his vision in this moment had been Caesar's anger, and it had now been exchanged for the clarity of deep, deep regret as he stared at Lydia in trepidation.
The woman in question seemed to be gathering herself, taking in a trembling, calculated breath.
"So that's what you think…" She stated coldly, matter-of-factly, even, finally breaking the silence after several moments of them just staring at each other.
He hated how all traces of her previous anger had completely vanished. How the fight and passion had left her eyes in exchange for… What was this expression, exactly?
Hurt? Betrayal? Horrified realisation?
A lump appeared in his throat.
Now, anger he could deal with. It wasn't as if he liked Lydia being angry, but it was easier to handle for him than this – whatever this was called.
"Lydia, I…" The Ape King began but couldn't finish. What was he supposed to say?
He hadn't meant it, had he? Why had he even said it if he hadn't?
But even as the question formed his mind, Caesar realised that he already knew why.
He had been angry, frustrated and spiteful – more so than he could remember ever being. And because of this, he had gone for the lowest blow possible. The one he knew would hurt the most.
No, he hadn't meant it. He had always known that Orion was as much a son to Lydia as Blue Eyes was to Caesar. She loved that ape like only a parent could love their child, and she had proved it time and time again during her years in the colony.
But how could he ever convince Lydia that this was how he really felt now?
She got up from her seat on the boulder, her posture stiff and her arms hanging limply by her sides.
He wished she would go back to being angry. Even more than she had been before he had said those words. He wished she would shout and scream at him, beat her fists against his chest in fury and throw the worst insults she could think of in retaliation.
Anything but this horrible apathy. This quiet acceptance of his words as she let them sink in.
"I think we're done here." She spoke at last, and though she tried to keep her tone clipped, the tears glistening in the corners of her eyes gave away her state of mind.
And even if Caesar was still consumed by his hatred for the Colonel, by the need to see this man dead by the Ape King's own hands, the sight of Lydia's tears managed to, at least temporarily, put her and the pain he had caused her at the forefront of his mind.
She was going to leave, he realised. She was going to turn away from him and leave without giving him the chance to apologise. He hadn't meant what he had said, what he had insinuated, and he knew he had to make her see that before she went off to sleep with that thought lingering on her mind.
He needed to make sure she knew – knew that he was just angry and protective and sensitive and oh so very sorry.
That she knew he loved her.
"Lydia, wait! Please-…!" Caesar spoke with urgency, panic gripping at his heart.
He had to make this right!
He reached out quickly, without a thought, desperate to make her stay and listen. He didn't think twice about how he grabbed her upper left arm, his strong grip tightening around the still-healing wound there.
Not until it was too late.
Lydia yelped loudly in pain and Caesar retracted his hand from her as if burned.
His green-and-golden eyes widened in horror as he looked at her arm and saw how thin trails of blood began to slowly seep out from underneath the primitive leaf-bandage, the red liquid rolling down Lydia's pale skin.
He had reopened the wound.
Taking a tentative step forward, Caesar immediately wanted to apologise for this as well, to soothe her and hold her close and tell her he didn't mean for this to happen. Not any of this.
But she drew back from him, cradling her injured arm with her other hand and eyeing Caesar with blue orbs full of wariness. Of uncertainty.
"Lydia… Lydia, I did not-" He tried, stumbling over his own words, his posture restless and awkward.
"Don't." She interrupted quietly, but firmly.
He wanted to get closer and reassure her that it was an accident. That he hadn't meant to hurt her.
But she wouldn't allow him, and he couldn't rightly blame her for it.
"Just don't… Just…" She bit her lip as she paused, taking another step away from him. "Just leave me be."
Her words hit him like a falling giant redwood, crushing him under their weight as she spoke them.
She turned away then, still holding on to her injured arm as her long legs carried her away from him and back towards the campsite, where Luca, Maurice and Rocket (hopefully) still lie sleeping. Caesar could do nothing but stare after her as she disappeared into the darkness as feelings of guilt and regret threatened to consume him together with the rage that still seemed to keep him in a chokehold.
He had hurt Lydia. Unintentionally, yes, but he had hurt her nonetheless. And not just emotionally, but physically too!
It was unacceptable.
He took an almost dizzy step forward and placed his hand on top of the boulder Lydia had been sitting on just moments ago, supporting himself against it as he sat down. Once seated, he turned his head towards the sound of the crashing waves, staring blankly into the night for the longest time.
Then he leaned forward and placed his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut against his palms.
The warmth on his face did nothing to calm his raging, regretful heart, which was still beating violently against the inside of his chest even though the argument was over.
Well, over for now, at least…
He drew in a deep breath, as slow and steady as he could manage, trying with all his might to just breathe and think, but nothing seemed to help.
This was all wrong and he had handled the whole thing in the worst possible manner.
This had been the biggest fight they had ever had, and he had brushed off every sensible point she had made – because even in his anger, Caesar recognised that he had failed to think things through.
And he was loath to be made aware of this, too.
That was why he had lashed out at her. That was why he had said… that.
He couldn't even think the sentence now with how shameful he felt about it.
The worst part was that he knew, deep down, in a part of his mind that he didn't dare acknowledge right now, that his mate was right, at least for the most part. He knew this wasn't what was best for the colony – it probably wasn't even what was best for Caesar himself – and it sure as hell wasn't what was best for Cornelius or Lydia, his two most precious people in this entire world…
But he was in too deep now to back out.
Caesar knew the rage bubbling inside of him wouldn't disappear until the Colonel had paid for what he had done, no matter the sensible the points Lydia had made before this argument had ended in total disaster.
No matter what was best for anyone right now.
No, Caesar needed to ride on, and he needed to believe that his plan would work, even if he had thought it through at all.
He turned his gaze to the darkness Lydia had disappeared into. He would never have hurt her like this if it hadn't been for the Colonel and what he had done to them…
The thought alone managed to renew the Ape King's resolve.
Yes, he had to do this…
But… for the first time since they had left, Caesar caught himself wondering if he would have something to return to once this was all over.
Maurice
Maurice knew something was wrong the moment he woke up at dawn and saw that Lydia was already saddling her horse, Storm prowling anxiously by the woman's legs.
Well, something was more wrong than usual as of late, that is.
Over the last few days, Luca or Rocket had helped Lydia tighten the cinch of her horse's saddle, but right now, she was doing it herself – albeit with visible difficulty. Her movements were strained due to her wound, even if it was healing, and though her posture was straight, her head was bowed low in an uncharacteristically sulking manner.
The orangutan frowned softly and turned his gaze suspiciously towards the Ape King, who was slowly getting up himself as well.
He didn't look too good either, which quickly brought Maurice to the conclusion that something must have happened between the two during the night, while everyone else had been asleep. Not that things had been going well between the Ape King and his secret mate the last couple of days, but the two had at least been on speaking terms, even if they had been angry with one another.
That didn't seem to be the case anymore.
Now, Caesar's eyes sought Lydia's fruitlessly and he didn't even try to speak to her once he realised that she was stubbornly avoiding his gaze. Soon enough, it seemed like the Ape King decided to maintain status quo and go prepare his own steed for the day's ride, passing Lydia with a look that was equal parts guilty and sour.
Maurice released a deep, rumbling sigh as he got up, turning his head to find himself sharing a brief look with Rocket and Luca interchangeably. They had been in the middle of rolling up the pelts they had brought along to sleep on but had briefly paused to observe the exchange – or lack thereof – between the Ape King and his human council member. They both wore a mixture of worry and puzzlement on their dark faces, though Rocket's expression turned questioning once his eyes made contact with Maurice's.
The elder ape shook his head subtly. He couldn't explain it now and quite honestly, even though this was Rocket, he wasn't even sure he should explain it.
Evidently, neither ape knew what the elder orangutan did. Rocket had just returned home a few days ago, after all, and Luca, while a trusted friend and commander of the Gorilla Guard, wasn't someone Caesar or Lydia had shared their deep, dark secret with – at least not to Maurice's knowledge.
Besides, it was the Ape King and human woman's business, and Maurice would respect their right to inform whoever they thought needed to know on their own.
But… If this new development would turn out to be something long-lasting, then the orangutan feared he might end up not having a choice at all in the matter.
Lydia had already mounted her horse way before any of the apes had even managed to saddle their own steeds, and the woman spent the time waiting staring out across the land that lie ahead, an oddly vacant look in her deep, blue eyes.
The orangutan rode up beside her once he had managed to mount his own horse, following the woman's gaze and waiting for her to say something, at least to him, if not to Caesar.
They were following the south-western shoreline, where the ocean's waves crashed against the sand, which gave way to sharply defined, grassy hills and ledges before the edge of the forest came into view further back. The forest was less dense here, the trees standing further apart than they did further inland, and most of them looked wind-beaten and dishevelled. Still, Maurice thought it was a beautiful landscape, despite the lack of cover from the trees feeling wholly unnatural to him.
"You want me to tell you what's going on." Lydia spoke softly beside him, the sound of the crashing waves almost drowning out her words. It wasn't a question – merely a statement. She knew very well what his intentions were from the moment he had approached her.
She had purposely kept her voice low, he knew, so that the others wouldn't hear.
He nodded but pursed his lips immediately afterwards, correcting himself.
"If you would tell me." He signed as discreetly as he could
"You really do seem to notice everything."
"I think we all noticed this time." He inclined his head towards Luca and Rocket, who were just about to finish up readying their horses. Caesar was already in the saddle, letting his horse graze as he surveyed the path leading north. "And don't try to dodge the subject, please. You can tell me or not, but don't think I can be fooled by flattery."
He tried to be gentle with her in his wording, seeing as she was clearly upset about something. Lydia had become better at sharing her feelings with a select few individuals, including Maurice, over the last two years, but she could still occasionally struggle with getting things off her chest. Besides, this wasn't exactly a private place to discuss this either, but Maurice felt he needed to get to the bottom of this if he was ever going to help – however that might happen.
She sighed in what seemed like equal parts defeat and frustration, her shoulders slumping heavily, which immediately caused her to wince in discomfort. He barely resisted the urge to reach over and lay a comforting hand on her forearm, knowing she disliked being doted upon. He didn't want her to think he was somehow pitying her right now.
"It was just a stupid argument. The same one we've had ever since I came along on this trip, really, just…" She paused, biting her bottom lip as she thought her words over. "Just, it escalated this time…"
"How?" The orangutan inquired gently, narrowing his eyes in worry.
"I'd rather not talk about it, Maurice. Suffice to say that things were said that were never meant to be…" Lydia turned her gaze back to the scenery. "And things happened that weren't supposed to…"
The way her eyes quickly darted down to briefly look at her bandaged arm didn't escape Maurice's notice, no matter how much she obviously tried to resist the urge. She looked away from him, then.
"He hurt you?" The red ape questioned, disbelieving.
He knew Caesar had been changed by the attack on the colony, by the attack on his family and the death of his son. He knew it had affected the Ape King in a horrible way, but he still wouldn't, couldn't believe that he would do something to hurt Lydia, no matter how defiant she might be.
She eyed him carefully before she shook her head.
"He didn't mean to, I know he didn't… I was turning to leave after he had said something… awful… and he reached for me to try and make me stay…" She explained quietly, averting her gaze once more as she reached forward to run her fingers through her horse's mane. "Still hurt, though… all of it…"
The aging orangutan nodded in understanding and decided not to press her further. He still wore a disapproving expression, however, and wondered what it was Caesar had said to make Lydia so evasive of the Ape King. He knew it must have been something personal, a few subjects already coming to mind as he thought it over. Cornelius, for example. Or Orion, or Roy – all sensitive subjects to Lydia.
But right now, he figured it was best to save that particular inquiry for another time. Luca and Rocket had mounted their horses now, anyway, and were ready to go.
Instead, Maurice decided to change the subject as they turned to ride towards their three companions. Storm still kept close to Lydia, occasionally looking up at the woman, as if to check up on her.
"When we make camp, let me take a look at that." He signed before inclining his head towards her bandaged arm.
He could tell he almost managed to make her smile by saying this, as she raised her brow at him with a humorously doubtful look.
"I don't recall you ever having treated wounds. You sure you're up for the task?" Lydia asked as they kicked their steeds into a brisk trot along the forest's edge, Caesar, as always, leading the group on top of his black stallion.
Maurice couldn't help but huff at that, though not without a mirthful glint in his green eyes.
"I believe I have seen enough to know how to change a bandage, thank you." The aging orangutan answered with only a small hint of mock-indignation, his gaze playful in an attempt to finally make her give a smile. Just a little one for the road ahead would do.
And to his immense relief, Lydia did give a tiny smile in return. It was barely there, just a small pull at the corner of her lips, but it was enough to tell him that Caesar's blunder hadn't been enough to completely rob her of her humour. That was good, Maurice decided. Their king may currently be heading down a slippery slope, but that didn't mean Lydia, or anyone else for that matter, had to do the same. In fact, the elder ape suspected that the Ape King would need them not to in order for him to be able to return to his old self once this was all over and done.
After that, silence prevailed as the five of them rode on, keeping a steady pace as they led their horses through patches of scattered trees and across open fields of grass, following the soldiers' trail.
It was going to be a long day, of that, Maurice was certain.
