KaSakSas Teamates NaSensei

Chapter 1: a bumpy start

It isn't just the fact that an unprecedented number of clan heirs in Konoha are scheduled to graduate next week; these particular graduates are, for lack of a better word, stacked.

Minato's eyes flit over Iruka's reports one more time. This year's Ino-Shika-Cho boasts the Yamanaka heiress, who has the potential to grow into most talented Mind Walker and interrogator in generations, and there is speculation that the Hyuuga heiress made a strategic decision to fudge the stats of her Byakugan's range to avoid attention and more kidnapping attempts from neighboring nations. The Uchiha boy is shaping up to be a talent on par with his older brother, and the Hatake heir is a prodigy in the truest sense of the word.

But the most interesting file is the one in Naruto's left hand.

Civilian-born Haruno Sakura manifested the Mokuton three years ago at nine years old. Laws barred the girl (as well as the majority of what people are starting to call the Rookie Nine) from an early promotion to genin, but there was nothing to stop Tsunade from taking the girl on as an apprentice the second she heard about Sakura's chakra control. Even more interestingly, she showed up to the Academy this week with a purple diamond on her forehead. To say that everyone is intrigued is an understatement.

Naruto scratches the back of his head, reading the names on the files again.

"Why have these three in one team? Why not split them up, distribute the talent?"

Minato shrugs, leaning back in his chair.

"Ino-Shika-Cho is a given. The Hyuuga, Inuzuka, and Aburame team specializes in Reconnaissance. This is the only option left."

"A powerhouse team."

Minato nods.

"It's not all roses, son. Iruka says that Hatake works well with others except for the Uchiha boy. And Uchiha only works well when paired with the Haruno girl. She's got the chops to develop an innovative leadership style, but she needs help building her confidence. As for the other two, they have strong shinobi instincts and even stronger traditional leadership qualities, but we all know what happens to headstrong shinobi who can't put aside petty differences in the name of teamwork."

Naruto frowns.

"Are you sure about giving them to me?"

Minato smiles reassuringly.

"You're ready for this, Naruto. And besides, they're prodigies; if there's anything we know about them, it's that they learn fast. How hard can it be?"

Regardless, Naruto hardly gets any sleep the night before he meets his genin team. He tosses and turns, and even Kurama chuckles darkly at his sense of impending doom.

It is not so bad, meeting them. Predictably, Haruno Sakura is as delightful as the Academy teachers say. She is polite and eager to learn, if not a little mild-mannered. On the other hand, Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Sasuke are bad news. The two boys are cordial to everyone and especially to each other, but there is something terribly wrong. Under the veneer of mutual respect between the two is a simmering competitive mess that makes Naruto want to shit bricks.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Naruto reaches into his pocket and pulls out two bells. His three students perk up, eyes alert.

"You're aware of the bell test, then," Naruto says, a wide shit-eating grin taking over his face. "Listen, kids: all I've been hearing is how the three of you could have graduated early if Yondaime-sama hadn't outlawed that practice, so let's switch it up a little. "

Naruto tosses one bell to Kakashi and the other to Sasuke, and when two hundred clones materialize all across the training ground, Sakura looks like she is about to faint.

"No swallowing the bells, no hiding them in your underwear — just no weird, gross, or tricky shit. Keep those bells on your belts. If you manage to keep them from me, I nominate you for the chunin exams. If I get both bells, it means you're not ready, which means your nomination will have to wait. Any questions?"

"How long will this exercise last, Naruto-sensei?" Sakura asks as Kakashi and Sasuke attach the bells to their waists.

The shit-eating grin on his face takes on a feral quality.

"Three hours. Let's begin!"

And as he and his two hundred clones close in on the genin, Kakashi and Sasuke seize Sakura's arms. They glare at each other over Sakura's head.

"Let go of her, Hatake. She's coming with me."

"Maa, but you're the Uchiha genius! You don't need back-up. I, on the other hand, could use Sakura's help."

"Guys —" Sakura says nervously, eyes widening as Naruto and his clones get uncomfortably close.

"Bullshit. You're the fastest out of the three of us. You'd move faster without her."

"Guys!" Sakura screams.

Naruto's clones smack bodily into a thick layer of roots and bark as a wooden dome closes over the three genin. Multiple layers of vines grow over dome to reinforce it, and Naruto lets loose a slightly unhinged laugh as he starts charging up a Rasengan.

He slams it into the first layer of vines, and promptly starts wheezing when they leak a hazy pink smoke, his eyes watering as he sees triple of everything.

Clever Sakura-chan, is Naruto's last clear thought before he passes out.

Inside the Mokuton dome, Sakura turns to both boys, her pupils dilated with panic.

"What is wrong with you two?" she squeals. "Did you really think you had time to argue about something as dumb as who I'd partner with when we had an entire army of shadow clones closing in on us?"

The two boys glance coolly at each other. Sakura sighs.

"Look, my Mokuton will hold sensei and his clones off for about ten to fifteen minutes, depending how quickly he recovers from the poison in the vines. Now hurry; what do we know about sensei?"

Kakashi frowns, his dark grey eyes fixed on Sakura's face.

"He has a symbiotic relationship with Kurama, and whenever Naruto-sensei draws on Kurama's chakra, they work together as a team, which means —"

"— that they are virtually invincible together," Sasuke finishes for him.

Kakashi smiles sweetly through his mask.

"That's exactly what I was going to say, Sasuke-kun," he says.

"Sorry, Hatake," Sasuke says, sounding a little too apologetic to be genuine. "You seemed to have trouble getting to the point."

"You're right, Sasuke-kun; I should work on finishing within seconds, as I'm sure you always do."

Kakashi continues to smile pleasantly as a blush glows high on Sasuke's cheekbones. Sakura glances between them nervously.

"Are we still discussing how to stop Naruto-sensei from taking the bells?"

Kakashi coughs.

Still blushing, Sasuke breaks his silence: "Naruto-sensei's best known techniques are the Rasengan and its variations, as well as his Multiple Shadow Clone Technique."

"And with Kurama's virtually unlimited chakra reserves, Naruto-sensei's easiest strategy is to inundate us with clones until we exhaust ourselves," Kakashi speculates thoughtfully.

"Is that all we should expect from Konoha's Number One Most Unpredictable Ninja?" Sasuke asks, and Kakashi and Sakura know he's not asking to be trite. Uzumaki Naruto is legendary for thinking outside the box, and it makes him a fearsome foe.

"He's already thrown us in for a loop by turning the bell test on its head," Sakura finally says. "He expected us to panic. He expected —" she pauses, and her eyes widen. "He expected us to split up so that he could pick us off one by one."

At least Kakashi has the decency to look embarrassed. Sasuke merely blinks, apparently regretful of nothing.

"I have an idea," Kakashi says slowly.

"So do I," Sasuke says coolly. "Why do we have to go with yours?"

Sakura claps her hands between their faces.

"Let's all three of us share our ideas and vote on it. And you're not allowed to vote for your own plan. If we want to get that nomination for the chunin exams, we have to work as a team."

Reluctantly, the two boys nod at her.

In the end, they decide to go with Sakura's plan, and it is executed flawlessly, only because the plan involves Kakashi and Sasuke being on opposite sides of the training ground. Three hours later, as Naruto dangles upside down in mid-air, his hands empty of bells and a vine wrapped around his left foot, he observes his genin closely, watching how the boys repel each other yet orbit around Sakura. With sinking dread, Naruto recognizes the tenderness that glows in the two boys' eyes every time they look at their pink-haired teammate, and he curses fiercely under his breath.

Kakashi and Sasuke have a crush on Sakura. And judging from the way Sakura blushes every time Naruto looks at her, he comes to the increasingly undeniable conclusion that she has a crush on him.

Light-headed from all the blood rushing to his head, Naruto wonders if it would be bad form for the Yondaime's son to defect from Konoha.

Team Seven is returning from their first mission outside Konoha's walls, and they are about a day's journey away from home. Despite their close proximity to Konoha, Naruto is certain they won't make it, and in an attempt to stop himself from screaming, he pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales slowly out of his mouth. Although the weather is pleasant and the evening breeze equally so, there is electricity in the air and killing intent leaking all over the place. Sakura clutches at the back of his flak jacket as she hides behind him, peering around his torso as Kakashi and Sasuke bicker over tent-sharing arrangements.

"Maa, Sasuke-kun, no one will make fun of you for sharing a tent with Naruto-sensei to stop your night terrors. We're all professionals here."

"I don't have night terrors, Hatake," Sasuke says coolly.

"So you were whimpering the other night just for fun?"

Sasuke scowls.

"You kick in your sleep. Naruto-sensei sleeps like a rock, so it won't bother him."

Naruto isn't a resentful man, but he certainly resents Sasuke's observation and following conclusion.

"That's funny," Kakashi says thoughtfully. "I don't think I've ever kicked Sakura in my sleep."

"Let's not give you an opportunity," Sasuke deadpans.

"Maa, I only kicked you to wake you up from your night terrors. You should be thanking me, Sasuke-kun."

"I don't have —" Sasuke barely restrains himself from taking the bait, his nostrils flared as he inhales. "If Sakura shares a tent with you, she won't get any sleep with your crazy hair poking her face."

"Have you been sleeping that close to Sakura the nights you've shared a tent with her, Sasuke-kun?" Kakashi says drolly, bumping his chest against Sasuke's. The other boy doesn't budge. "You need to learn a thing or two about respecting other people's personal space."

"You're the one who doesn't respect other people's personal space, Hatake!"

Behind Naruto, Sakura squirms, fingers tightening into his flak jacket.

"Sensei, I don't want to share a tent with anyone," she whispers miserably. "Can't I just make my own?"

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan, but your Mokuton structures are too distinctive," Naruto says, sighing. "Would you be fine sharing with me this time?"

Sakura barely manages a nod before looking down and blushing fiercely, and Naruto scratches his head in frustration. At times like these, Sakura's crush on him becomes less of a harmless distraction and more of an encroaching obstacle, but he is entirely unsure of how else to handle this situation. His eyes snap to the two boys when he hears birds chirping cacophonously in the night air.

"Okay, no! Stop it! Both of you!" Naruto roars, grabbing the two boys by their hair and ripping them apart from each other. "Sakura-chan and I agreed to share a tent, so that means you two can kick and cuddle each other all you want in the other tent. Now shut up and set up camp! Now!"

With a mutinous Yes, Naruto-sensei from both boys, he lets them both go, pushing them in opposite directions.

"Bunch of knuckleheads," Naruto mutters to himself.

Mournfully, he wonders if this is karma coming back to bite him in the ass for the way he and Obito conducted themselves around Rin.

They are two months away from the chunin exams, and Sakura is a nervous wreck. She makes it a priority to squeeze in an extra hour of training in the morning before Naruto and the boys arrive at the training grounds. When Kakashi finds out, he decides to show up two hours earlier before the agreed-upon time so that when Sakura arrives to the training ground, she sees him innocently reading through his various fuinjutsu textbooks.

This is a relatively peaceful arrangement; Sakura works tirelessly through various taijutsu drills while Kakashi reads quietly. (When he's feeling brave, his eyes dart over to watch Sakura's sharp, deadly movements, and he always looks away before she catches him.) Sasuke catches on after a week, and he starts showing up early too, running laps and doing pushups.

Four days into this new training schedule, and it only takes one snide comment from Sasuke about Kakashi's laziness for the boys to engage in a race to complete five hundred push-ups. Frustratingly, there is no clear winner because they lose count after completing three hundred and fifty-ish — coincidentally, this occurs when Sakura decides to dunk herself into the lake to cool off, which makes her clothes stick to her in the most interesting way and slicks her pink hair back, which emphasizes the doe-like nature of her green eyes. When Naruto-sensei shows up and cheerfully commands them to do five hundred push-ups on the lake's surface, Sasuke and Kakashi carefully avoid each other's gaze.

Sakura finishes hers in record time. Meanwhile, the boys struggle through their two hundredth push-up, glowering at Naruto-sensei as he powers through his six hundredth or so push-up with a pleased Sakura sitting on his back.

"Sensei is such a show-off," Sasuke grumbles, his lips touching the water.

"Maa, I don't think you, of all people, should be calling anyone a show-off, Sasuke-kun."

A tear squeezes itself out of Kakashi's left eye but he pays it no mind. Sasuke's arms tremble and he exhales violently through the pain.

"Shut up, Hatake."

Kakashi kicks his foot into the lake and water splashes into Sasuke's face.

"Oops. Sorry, Sasuke-kun. Leg cramp."

Steam billows out of Sasuke's nostrils. He grits his teeth and manages a one-handed push-up, long enough to splash water back at Kakashi with his free hand.

"Sorry," he grunts out. "Had to stretch my arm."

"Maa, you call that a stretch? This is a stretch."

And Kakashi's fist shoots out and lands neatly in Sasuke's eye. Sasuke drops into the lake with an undignified yelp, and when he surfaces, his eyes are glowing red with the Sharingan. Suddenly, fire billows out of Sasuke's mouth, and Kakashi lets loose a panicked stream of curse words because his hair is on fire —

Someone dunks his head in the lake then pulls it back out. Naruto-sensei looks chagrined as he lets go of Kakashi's neck.

"Easy, boys — I said we were doing water surface push-ups, not taijutsu or ninjutsu." Naruto-sensei shakes his head. "Guess they'll call anyone a prodigy nowadays, right Sakura-chan?"

Kakashi watches from the lake while Sakura heals Sasuke's bruised eye under a tree. Pouting at the smug smirk on Sasuke's stupid face, Kakashi dunks his head underwater one more time, hoping that the smell of burnt hair won't follow him for the rest of the day.

Two weeks away from the chunin exams has all of Team Seven jittery for different reasons. Sakura has been increasingly irritated at Kakashi's tendency to effortlessly pick up new ninjutsu at lightning speed, while the mounting pressure from the Uchiha clan to make a dazzling impression during the chunin exams for the purposes of showing up the other clans has Sasuke fumbling half the kunai he throws at his targets.

Meanwhile, Kakashi is annoyed for a distinctly stupid reason. Recently, his father taught him how to sniff out biological compatibility between potential mating partners, and while Kakashi is pleased with his nose for confirming that Sakura is indeed an exquisite match for the Hatake gene pool, he is horrified to find that the same can be said for Sakura and the entirety of the Uchiha clan.

It is for this reason he makes it a point to make Sasuke self-conscious about the way he smells with a comment here and there, and while the other boy doesn't show signs of falling for the subtle goading, Kakashi smiles to himself when he catches Sasuke sniffing under his arms when he thinks nobody is looking at him.

Naruto is frustrated, to say the least. His students' teamwork is practically nonexistent at this point, and he is one sleep-deprived night away from defecting from Konoha, his status as Yondaime-sama's pride and joy be damned. Rin and Obito notice his odd mood, and do something for their old teammate that they have not done for a while now; they take him out for breakfast ramen, reassuring him that it won't kill anyone if he is a little late to training for once.

"Don't feel guilty, Naruto," Rin says kindly. "A genin team can't function well if their jounin-sensei isn't taking care of himself either."

Naruto nods, feeling less frazzled.

"Screw it," he mumbles, inhaling an entire bowl within seconds. "I deserve this."

"Of course you do, buddy," Obito says through a mouthful of ramen, patting Naruto's back. "Besides, it's not like they're helpless babies! They can take care of themselves for an hour." He swallows then sips some broth noisily. "What's the worst that can happen?"

On the other side of Konoha, Sasuke nudges Kakashi with his foot.

"Wanna spar, Hatake?"

"Why would I spar with you when I can read this mind-numbingly long-winded fuinjutsu textbook instead?"

"The winner gets to take Sakura out on a date," Sasuke says smugly.

This is a bold assertion from the boy. Neither Sasuke nor Kakashi have explicitly stated their interest in Sakura, and Kakashi recognizes the statement for what it is.

He slowly sets down the fuinjutsu textbook by the tree.

"And the loser pays for the date," Kakashi agrees pleasantly.

Some distance away from them, Sakura is practicing her taijutsu forms on the lake's surface, and neither boy notices that her kicks and punches are a fraction more violent than usual.

Sasuke snorts.

"Hope you've got some serious cash saved up, Hatake."

He slips into a low fighting stance, eyes glowing red with the Sharingan.

"Maa, why would Sakura-chan want to go on a date with you anyway, Sasuke-kun? She'd get better conversation from a rock."

Kakashi dodges a flurry of shuriken with the effortless grace of a feline. A vein pops on Sasuke's forehead.

"At least she can see my face," Sasuke goads him. "What's the matter, Hatake — hiding some hideous buckteeth under that mask?"

Cursing under his breath as his foot catches in one of Sasuke's traps, Kakashi quickly forms some seals, and a torrent of water swirls out of the lake and descends heavily onto Sasuke. The other boy remains standing but looks a little like a drowned cat, and Kakashi can't help but grin.

"I have nothing to hide, except for a fairly distinctive beauty mark," Kakashi says sincerely.

"You mean a mole," Sasuke deadpans, slicking his wet hair back and out of his face.

This gives Kakashi enough time to dismantle the trap and jump a safe distance away.

"No, it's definitely a beauty mark, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke scowls and shunshins in front of him. Kakashi's jaw makes a worryingly loud clicking sound against Sasuke's fist.

"Who calls it that — your mom?"

Kakashi pauses mid-kick, looking wounded.

"My mom died when I was a baby."

Channeling multiple generations of Uchiha-patented snark, Sasuke smirks and says, "I know."

Kakashi elbows him in the gut and he doubles over, dry-heaving.

"You're ice cold, Sasuke-kun. Is this the type of riveting conversation you provide on dates? I don't think Sakura would appreciate it."

Sasuke peers up at him and smiles wide, showing his teeth.

"Talking isn't the only thing Sakura and I can do on our date, Hatake."

"ENOUGH!"

Kakashi and Sasuke wobble precariously on the ground as it shakes beneath them, Kakashi jumping to avoid falling into a crevice and Sasuke rolling to the side, stabilizing himself into a low stance with his knees bent and one hand touching the ground. Thick roots shoot out from the earth, wrap around their wrists, and drag backwards, bringing both boys to their knees with their hands behind them.

Sakura hovers over them, eyes blazing with fury and her short chin-length hair flying wildly against the breeze.

"Prodigies my ass! You two are the dumbest fucking idiots I've ever had the misfortune of working with!" Both boys are paralyzed with shock; Sakura never yells, and she certainly never curses. "Do you know who the fuck I am?" At their silence, she rages: "I am Haruno fucking Sakura, and I am not a prize to be won. I am a person with real fucking feelings, and what I'm feeling right now is complete frustration that my idiot teammates would rather squabble over who gets to go on a fucking date with me instead of training for the fucking chunin exams!"

A fully grown tree bursts out of the ground in between them, and Sakura roars as she pulls her fist back and slams it into the trunk. It explodes into splinters and bits of bark, and Sasuke accidentally breathes some of it in, sneezing almost immediately afterwards with a miserable expression on his face. Kakashi looks utterly terrified, a long spindly branch sticking out of his hair.

"And not that either of you cared to ask, but I wouldn't go on a date with either of you, no matter who wins this stupid spar. Both of you are obnoxious, arrogant, and have your heads so far up your own asses it's a wonder you're able to hear each other speak!" She laughs hysterically, gesticulating wildly between the two of them. "Maybe you two should go on a fucking date with each other since you have so much in fucking common!"

"Sorry I'm late, my cute little prodigies! I had a — ohhh, uh, what's going on here?"

Sakura rounds on Naruto, a renewed fire in her eyes. Naruto takes an involuntary step backwards.

"What's going on, Naruto-sensei, is that Kakashi and Sasuke are a couple of fucking jerkwad asshole idiots who can't think with anything but their stupid boy parts, so I'm gonna go steal Ino and Hinata from their stupid boy-heavy teams and train with them instead!"

And without so much as a goodbye, Sakura screams then punches the ground one more time for good measure before disappearing in a furious flurry of leaves.

After the mini earthquake subsides, Naruto blinks, then fidgets with the zipper of his flak jacket.

"Wow. You guys fucked up real bad today, didn't you?"

He takes their glum silence as a yes.

Ino and Hinata exchange nervous glances as Sakura punches through her hundredth Mokuton generated tree.

"Forehead, my dear, my most darling love," Ino says delicately, "I know you said you had a bad day, but you can't just take us away from our teams, say we're gonna train together, then not train with us. Do you wanna talk about whatever's bothering you?"

One hundred and one Mokuton generated trees. One hundred and two. One hundred and —

"Ow, Hinata, what the fuck!" Sakura yells, crumpling to the ground.

Her limbs are numb and her fingers twitch uselessly as Hinata withdraws, blinking at her with a serene smile on her face.

"Ino-chan asked you something. It's rude not to reply, Sakura-chan."

Sakura growls low in her chest.

"I really don't wanna talk about it. But I'm okay with showing you. Both of you."

Ino's eyes glint with excitement.

"You sure about this, Forehead?"

They have only done this one other time, but they were interrupted by a horrified Inoichi who banned Ino from experimenting on her friends, as well as sleepovers.

"Yeah." Sakura nudges her cheek into her shoulder to move hair out of her face. An apologetic Hinata helps her sit up. "Come on in, girls. This forehead is open for your viewing pleasure."

Taking a deep breath, Ino touches her knees to Hinata's hand, carefully executes a series of seals, then forms a circle with her fingers, aiming it at Sakura. The process of entering someone else's mind is always a little disorienting, but Ino is used to it now. On the other hand, Hinata shivers, her skin going clammy.

They both stand in Sakura's mind and take note of Inner, who is laying in a field of flowers and smiling peacefully to herself.

"Don't mind her," Sakura's voice echoes around them. "She's happy because I let her out today."

"Oh shit," Ino says, hiding a laugh behind her hand. "So what do you want to show us, Forehead?"

The scenery around them shifts, and through Sakura's memory, they observe various snippets of Kakashi and Sasuke squabbling, starting from the semi-disastrous events of the bell test.

"Naruto-sensei is so handsome," Hinata whispers. Outside of Sakura's mind, Hinata's cheeks are a bright red.

"Seriously," Ino agrees. "Do you mind replaying that one memory where you're sitting on his back while he's doing push-ups?"

"I don't mind at all," Sakura's voice echoes mischievously. "It's one of my favorite memories to revisit."

The three girls sigh in unison at the seventh replay.

"Wow. I can't believe back muscles can even feel like that," Ino hums dreamily. "I wonder if Asuma-sensei will let me sit on his back while he does push-ups."

"I don't think Kurenai-sensei will be too happy if he says yes," Hinata says, her giggles reverberating through Sakura's mindscape.

"Okay, can we get back on topic?" Sakura sounds annoyed. "Look at what happened today!"

They look. They gasp in horror at the things that come out of the boys' mouths. And they cheer three times; twice for each time Sakura rips the boys a brand new asshole, and once more when they watch Sakura punch the shit out of the ground beneath her to mark her dramatic exit.

Thirty minutes later, the girls are sprawled out in Sakura's room, clutching bowls of ice cream to their chests.

"Boys are fucking dumb," Ino declares, waving a spoon in the air before stabbing her ice cream.

"Especially if they don't grow up around any women," Hinata agrees. "Kiba-kun and Shino-kun are the best-behaved boys I've ever met."

"Sasuke loves his mom to pieces, and he still managed to say something gross about Sakura," Ino says wryly. "What did he even mean, 'Talking isn't the only thing we can do?' Like relax, dude, we're thirteen. Gross."

"I'm sure he was only talking about kissing, Ino-chan," Hinata says, giggling. "Maybe you're the gross one."

Ino blushes and presses her warm cheeks against the bowl.

"You two are so lucky," Sakura groans. "I bet your teams are ready for the chunin exams."

Hinata nods thoughtfully.

"We were quite lucky to end up in teams with good chemistry, Sakura-chan," she acknowledges. "But why do you not feel ready? You are chunin-level at the very least. Kakashi-kun and Sasuke-kun are hard-headed, and certainly irritating when they behave disrespectfully, but they are also talented shinobi."

"Yeah, Sakura," Ino says, pouting at her empty bowl. "Your team is super powerful. It's kind of unfair."

"Power doesn't mean a thing if we don't know how to control it," Sakura says, eyes tearing up in frustration.

"Then maybe you should find a way to control the things that you can, Forehead," Ino suggests, shrugging.

"Ino-chan is right, Sakura-chan," Hinata says, nodding at Ino. "The only reason the three of you passed the bell test was because of your quick thinking and your teammates' willingness to follow your orders."

Sakura nods slowly, and they fall into a thoughtful silence. Meanwhile, Ino dashes to the kitchen and brings the entire ice cream container back with her.

"I miss you two so much," Ino declares. "Can we try a little harder to hang out more than once a month?"

"Are you still banned from hosting and attending sleepovers?" Sakura asks. "In between training for the chunin exams and studying under Tsunade-shishou, my schedule's stacked."

"Maybe you can convince your father to lift that ban, Ino-chan. It's been a year, and you haven't broken any of his rules."

"Actually —" Ino winces.

"Pig," Sakura says seriously, "what did you do?"

"I kind of went behind my dad's back and tricked Morino Ibiki into taking me on as his apprentice."

Hinata's hands slap over her mouth.

"How?" she whispers.

"So," Ino says, drawing out the word. "I don't know if you know this, but intel from captured enemy nin is considered void and unusable, unless it's been fished out by someone who officially works for T&I. There's this guy they haven't been able to crack for months, and —"

"You didn't," Sakura says, going pale.

"— I snuck into the interrogation room, got the intel, and placed it on Ibiki-shishou's desk."

"I mean, congratulations on the apprenticeship and still being alive right now," Sakura says slowly. "But why bother with an apprenticeship if you cracked a guy that Morino-san himself couldn't get to?"

"I got lucky." Ino's voice sounds removed, dispassionate. "The prisoner had a weakness that I could exploit. Actually, you two would've been able to exploit it too, if you know what I mean."

The girls go dead silent.

"Ino-chan, are you alright?" Hinata asks quietly.

"Oh, I'm fine, Hinata-chan," Ino says boisterously, squeezing Hinata's hand. "He didn't touch me at all."

The girls cluster together into a tight, affectionate hug, despite the summer heat.

"Why couldn't they have placed us in a genin team together?" Sakura grumbles into Hinata's hair.

"Because no one would ever take us seriously, not with everyone flopping to the ground because I've blocked their tenketsu and you having to use vines to hold up Ino-chan's body," Hinata giggles.

The three girls burst into peals of laughter at the ridiculous image. Outside, Kizashi peers nervously down the hallway towards Sakura's closed door. Mebuki shakes her head.

"It's better that we don't know," she says.

Kizashi shudders.

"I believe you, my love."

"I heard the most interesting story about your team today, Sasuke-chan."

Sasuke freezes. His mother has not called him that in years, and the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Calmly, he finishes washing his hands in the kitchen sink and begins scooping rice into the rice cooker.

"What did you hear, okaa-san?"

"I heard that Sakura-chan was very upset with you and Kakashi-kun." She effortlessly slices the ginger root into thin layers, eyes fixed on him the entire time. "Is this true?"

The only thing that stops Sasuke from fidgeting is the motion of rinsing the rice and pouring out the water. He repeats this three times before answering, "Yes, okaa-san." He pauses then adds, "But I think she overreacted a little."

"Why don't you tell me your side of the story, Sasuke-chan?"

Sasuke squirms.

"All I did was challenge Hatake to a spar."

"And what were the terms for this spar?"

Sasuke mumbles something. Mikoto stabs the tip of the knife into the chopping board and raises her eyebrows.

"The winner gets a date with Sakura," he says louder.

"What a lucky girl, to be able to have her choice between my handsome son and Sakumo's boy," Mikoto coos sweetly, reaching out to pat his cheek. "And how darling of you to agree to a civilized duel for her affections." Mikoto pauses. "What other terms did Sakura-chan present?"

Sasuke frowns.

"She didn't."

"So who set these terms?"

Sasuke squirms again.

"I did. And Hatake said that the loser would pay for the date."

"So you're telling me that you discussed all of this with Kakashi-kun, without consulting the girl in question?"

Sasuke is bright red now, and he nods. Mikoto sighs.

"My darling, this is very disappointing behavior. Either I have failed to raise you to be a respectful young man, or you have failed to learn how to conduct yourself with dignity, composure, and compassion." She detaches the knife from the chopping board and lays it down flat. "How would you feel if two girls you barely knew fought over your affections and assumed, without asking you, that you would go on a date with one of them?"

"That doesn't sound too bad," Sasuke says sulkily. "Are they pretty?"

Mikoto's eyes remain serious, but her mouth twitches.

"What if it was Ami-chan and Hana-chan, from the Academy? Both of them are very pretty."

Sasuke scowls.

"But they're annoying. They were always too busy staring at me to focus on training, or trying to get my attention during target practice, and they argued every day about who got to sit next to me in class, and..." Sasuke trails off, a mortified blush racing up his neck and reaching all the way up to his hairline.

Mikoto laughs softly.

"I think you owe Sakura-chan an apology. Don't you?"

Sasuke bows to his mother.

"I agree. Thank you for the lesson, okaa-san."

Mikoto cradles his cheek in her palm, eyes finally softening.

"I look forward to hearing better stories about your conduct from now on, my darling."

After dinner, Sasuke mopes in his room, staring glumly at his hands. A knock sounds on the screen door before it slides open, and Itachi slips inside.

"Why the long face, little brother?"

Sasuke looks up at him, miserable.

"I'm an idiot. Why are girls so hard to understand, nii-san?"

Itachi smiles kindly and takes a seat next to him.

"They're hard to understand only if you think of them as girls," Itachi points out. "But if you remember that girls are people too, just like you and me, it's not so bad." Itachi gently pokes Sasuke's forehead. "What's on your mind?"

"I need to apologize to someone, but I don't know how."

Itachi nods slowly.

"How do you usually apologize to people?"

Sasuke mulls it over.

"Whenever I upset okaa-san, I always write her a note to tell her I'm sorry, and I make her a cup of tea."

"I don't think you can bring a cup of tea to the person you need to apologize to, but I think the note is a nice idea. You make tea for okaa-san because she likes tea. What does this person like?"

Sasuke is stumped.

"I don't know," he says. "But I'll find out."

The next day, before training, Sasuke visits Training Ground Ten to track down Hyuuga Hinata. Her pale eyes regard him coolly, and her two teammates stand on either side of her, shoulders hunched. Even the ninken's back curves up, his fur spiky.

"Hinata-san, Shino-san, Kiba-san," Sasuke says stiffly, bowing. Team Eight looks at him like he has grown a second head. The ninken barks. "Akamaru."

"Good morning, Sasuke-kun," Hinata says, the very picture of diplomacy. "How can we help you?"

"I wanted to ask you something about Sakura, Hinata-san," he says, and the tips of his ears feel hot when Hinata's gaze cools again. "I need to apologize to her, and I'd like to get her a small gift to show her that I mean it."

"The best apology is changed behavior, Sasuke-kun," Hinata says, a sharp smile on her delicate face. "Have a good day."

She turns to leave and Sasuke panics.

"No, wait, Hinata-san! Please." And now Team Eight looks at him like a third head has sprung up next to his second from earlier. "I understand that. But I also want to apologize this way. I have to do it this way too."

After a long silence, Hinata nods.

"Sakura-chan likes dango."

Sasuke bows again.

"Thank you, Hinata-san." He nods at Shino, Kiba, and Akamaru. "I hope you have a productive training session."

As he walks away, he hears Kiba say, "Wow, that was weird." The words are quickly followed by a grunt. "Ow, Hinata-chan, watch your elbow!"

"My elbow went where it needed to go, Kiba-kun."

Two days later, a sleek white box is delivered to Tsunade's office in the hospital, labeled Sakura in neat, disciplined brushwork.

"Sakura, tell your admirers to send gifts to your parents' house," Tsunade groans. "This is exhausting!"

Sakura frowns.

"This is the first gift I've ever received, Tsunade-shishou."

"Well, you're gonna get more, and it's gonna be exhausting. I already know it."

After Tsunade leaves to give her some privacy, Sakura opens the box, surprised to find an assortment of delicately decorated mochi and sticks of dango. There is a note taped under the lid of the box, and she detaches it, bringing it closer to her face.

Sorry for being such a huge idiot. I'll work on it. — Sasuke

Despite herself, Sakura laughs, and a small smile stays on her face for the rest of the day.

Sakura doesn't show up for training for the rest of the week, citing a busier schedule with Tsunade. The few times Kakashi crosses paths with the Slug Princess that week, her eyes sparkle with amusement, and he is certain that she is laughing at him.

Kakashi steels himself as he drops down in front of Sakura from his perch on the hospital rooftop. She looks extremely annoyed with him, but Kakashi thinks that it could be worse. She really could have tried to break his teeth in right now, and he wouldn't blame her at all.

"Yo, Sakura. Can we talk?"

Her face is glacial.

"If I say no, will you listen and leave me alone?"

Kakashi blinks.

"Of course. I'm not Sasuke."

She looks unhappy with his barb against Sasuke, and Kakashi grimaces at his lack of self control. She tilts her head, green eyes drilling into his skull as she considers her options.

"Fine. Walk with me."

He falls into step with her, and together, they walk in mind-numbing silence. Kakashi swallows nervously.

"I just — I'm sorry. About what I did."

"And what did you do, exactly?"

They stop by Sakura's favorite dango stand, and Kakashi moves to pull out some money to pay for her, but she glares at him one more time, and he relaxes.

"Arguing with Sasuke about who gets to date you and talking about you like you're not even there — I'm sorry. For all of it. I didn't think about how hearing stuff like that — about yourself — would make you feel, especially from two people who you're supposed to trust to have your back."

"It's really embarrassing, and it makes me feel like a thing, not a person, and least of all a respected shinobi," Sakura deadpans.

Kakashi winces.

"You deserve better teammates. I can't speak for Sasuke, but I'm going to take conscious steps to do better."

Sakura nibbles at the dango, eyes carefully trained on him the entire time. Kakashi notices that she leaves the pink one for last.

"And what's 'doing better' gonna look like?" she asks, crossing her arms.

"I don't know." Kakashi can hardly restrain the blush that colors his cheeks. "Not putting you on a pedestal or making idealized assumptions about you? Asking for your input about stuff? Being a good teammate and pushing you to do better?" He pauses. "And everything I do for Lee and Genma?"

Sakura stares at him for a moment then starts giggling. It starts low and quiet, then crescendoes into a ringing laugh.

"You want to be friends?"

Kakashi's blush has now spread to the rest of his face, and his skin feels hot under the mask.

"Only if you want to be."

"I'm not interested in being friends if you're doing all this to convince me to go on a date with you."

Kakashi shakes his head.

"Then we don't have to be. We're teammates first, and that's how it should have been from the start. I'm very sorry, Sakura."

He bows low at the waist and keeps his eyes low to the ground. Sakura shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

"Thank you," she says softly.

He blushes at the tenderness in her voice.

"If you want some help with your taijutsu, let me know. I picked up something the other day from Lee that I think you'd find useful."

For the first time since she's seen him today, Sakura smiles.

"Yeah, I'd like that a lot." She points to her left. "I'm going that way. See you tomorrow?"

Kakashi smiles tentatively.

"See you tomorrow, Sakura."

As he watches her leave, a large hand clasps his shoulder. Kakashi looks up at his father, feeling very much like a puppy who has just survived the worst scolding of his short little life.

"Is that her?"

Kakashi nods. Sakumo laughs softly.

"I know I told you that our noses don't lie, but it means nothing if the feeling isn't reciprocated."

Kakashi nods one more time.

"Let's go home, son. I have something that'll cheer you up."

That night, Kakashi cradles a tiny sleeping ninken to his chest and names him Pakkun.

Naruto eyes his genin with great suspicion.

"Okay. What's going on here?"

"What are you talking about, sensei?" Kakashi asks.

Naruto points at them.

"You're all being...good. No arguing, no bickering, nothing."

"The chunin exams are in a week, Naruto-sensei," Sasuke says. "It's important that we practice our teamwork. That means no arguing and no bickering."

In between Kakashi and Sasuke, Sakura smiles faintly.

Tilting his head upwards, Naruto squints at the clouds.

"This isn't a joke?" he asks, half to his genin, half to the sky.

"Sensei," Sakura says placatingly. "Can you run us through some formations that you think would work well for us?"

Naruto finally looks at them, and the same wide grin that they saw during the bell test is back on his face.

"Oh yeah. I've got a few ideas."

Chapter 2: an intriguing proposition

Whispers buzz around the arena about the Yamanaka heiress and a girl they are calling Mokuton no Sakura, and the buzzing is too loud for anyone to hear what the two kunoichi are saying to each other right after the match officially begins.

"Are you ready for me, Pig?"

Ino smiles widely, tightening her ponytail.

"Let's give them a show, Forehead. I know you're the stronger one out of the two of us, but don't insult me by taking it easy."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

The two kunoichi put on a breathtaking show, and ten minutes in, as Ino whips her ponytail into Sakura's face, leaving a trail of senbon along the the left hand side of her face and neck, Asuma leans over to Naruto and whispers, "Kunoichi, am I right?"

Sakura cackles gleefully, ripping the senbon out and throwing each one at Ino, who dodges them artfully. From the stands, Hinata claps enthusiastically, a wide grin on her face.

"Scary as fuck, man," Naruto says, shaking his head with barely concealed pride.

It is eighth match of the preliminaries, and hundreds of eyes are focused on the two Hyuuga in the center of the arena.

Neji is uncharacteristically nervous and he wipes a bead of sweat away from his temple; meanwhile, Hinata stands poised in a perfect Gentle Fist stance and makes no move to hit her cousin.

"It is time to display the strength of the Hyuuga, Neji-nii-san," Hinata says firmly.

Neji closes his eyes, activates his Byakugan, and attacks. Hinata gracefully eludes Neji's sharp, precise movements, her short hair grazing her cheekbones with every dodge and parry she executes. Five minutes go by and Hinata still makes no move to hit her cousin.

From the stands, Ino and Sakura look on nervously.

"What is she doing?" Ino murmurs, her eyes going wide.

Sakura frowns. There is only one answer, and it is what Hinata has been doing ever since she was a toddler.

"Protecting the Hyuuga clan," Sakura says softly.

An involuntary shudder makes its way down Ino's back as she remembers the memory that Hinata showed her and Sakura, remembers the ninja from Kumo who tried to smuggle a three year old Hinata away in the dead of night, remembers how Hinata stopped him before he even made it out of her room with sharp, deadly jabs to his heart, liver, and kidneys, remembers the smell of a still-warm body shitting itself because of its sphincter muscles relaxing upon the body's sudden death. When Ino looks at Sakura, she knows that the other girl is thinking of the same things too.

"I hate that no one knows how strong she really is," Ino says bitterly.

Sakura nods. This is something they have told Hinata too many times to count, but the girls hear Hinata's voice, insistent that maintaining this illusion of weakness is worth the price: My clan knows my true strength, and that is all that matters.

"I guess the truth will come out if someone else tries to kidnap the weak Hyuuga heiress," Sakura whispers under her breath, and Ino laughs, an animalistic grin on her face.

The two girls watch as their friend moves fast enough only to avoid Neji's jabs, only increasing her speed to match his. The dance lasts over twenty minutes, and with hardly a sheen of sweat on her skin, Hinata finally begins slowing down, allowing Neji to gradually block her tenketsu over the next five minutes. Despite herself, Sakura is in awe of the display; Neji's hair, loose from its low ponytail, fans around his shoulders as he completes his final spin and Hinata falls to the ground on her knees, her arms limp by her sides and her chin raised.

"I yield," she says coolly.

The audience bursts with wild applause when Neji is formally announced the winner. Sakura sees the badly concealed worry in his eyes and feels her heart break for him when he inches forward to help Hinata up, and freezes when she shakes her head imperceptibly. Neji clenches a fist before leaving the arena, and Kiba and Shino rush to Hinata, gently putting her arms over their shoulders.

One month later

Ino and Hinata envelop Sakura in a tight embrace when they are finally allowed to visit her in the hospital.

"Forehead, are you okay?" Ino asks softly.

Sakura nods shakily, green eyes brimming with tears.

"I can show you," she says hoarsely. "But only if you want to see."

Hinata holds Ino's arm as the blonde girl eases them Sakura's mind, and in her memories, they see the horrifying images of Orochimaru flanked by the resurrected bodies of Konoha's first three Hokage, the too-wide grin on his face as he crushes every single piece of bone in Fugaku's arms, Fugaku's face blurred by Sakura's tears as she, Tsunade, and Itachi desperately try to piece his arms together with Sasuke's limp body by her side, a handsome red-haired shinobi from Suna with the longest, prettiest eyelashes and the cruelest smile wielding hundreds of puppets at the end of his chakra strings, Kakashi's head cradled in Sakumo's arms as Sakura works tirelessly to purge the poison from his body while slowly but steadily reconstructing his heart, cell by cell —

But most of all, they feel the never-ending sense of dread pulsing through Sakura's entire being, the desperation that claws at her throat when she feels her chakra reserves running low, the burst of energy when she activates her seal, the panic that never quite leaves her veins despite her steady hands, and the heart-crushing sensation of Sakura readying herself to mourn the loss of at least one teammate. It chokes them from the inside out, and they feel it in their souls, the steady, pulsating ache coming from the place where their hearts should be beating.

Hinata gasps, tears falling from her unblinking eyes.

Ino slowly retracts their presences from Sakura's mind, shaking.

"You did it, Forehead," Ino whispers fiercely. "You protected them, and they're alive. They're all okay."

"It was barely enough," Sakura sobs, her face scrunching up. "What if I didn't have my seal? What if Tsunade-shishou wasn't there? What if it's not enough next time?"

Hinata glares at Sakura, squeezing her hand tightly to tether Sakura to the present.

"Then you make it so that you are enough and more, Sakura-chan," Hinata says sharply. "Use this fear to protect the ones you love. It is the only thing we can do."

Hinata wipes the tears from Sakura's face as Ino slices two apples for all of them to share. They eat in silence, basking in each other's presences, grateful for the blood that thrums warm through their veins.

Three weeks later, in Minato's office, a fully healed Kakashi stands on Sakura's right while Sasuke stands to her left. They are clustered together so tightly that Minato cannot see that Sakura is clutching both boys' hands in a death grip.

But from his place behind them, Naruto sees, and his eyes soften.

"Konoha is forever in your debt, Team Seven," Minato says softly. "Short of convincing the Daimyo to grant you lands and titles, there is not much I can do to express my gratitude for your quick thinking, your bravery, and your skill. But what I can do is congratulate you for passing the chunin exams, and offer you a field promotion. Say the word, and you will be named jounin of Konohagakure."

Before Sasuke or Kakashi can speak, Sakura answers, "No."

Everyone looks at her, surprised. She is shaking.

"We haven't earned that yet," she says, eyes sharp. For some reason, Minato is reminded of the young Hyuuga heiress. "Give us two years to get stronger, Yondaime-sama."

No one else speaks. Kakashi squeezes Sakura's hand while Sasuke nods furtively.

"So be it," Minato says, blue eyes sparkling with pride. He makes eye contact with Naruto and winks.

You did good, son.

Naruto clasps a hand on Sakura's shoulder.

"Congratulations, Team Seven," Naruto says with great affection. "You are the crowning glory of Konohagakure — and only newly minted chunin at that! Now who wants to treat sensei to some ramen?"

Soon after Sakura's twentieth birthday, she and Naruto are sent on a three-week diplomacy mission to Suna, and despite their absence, Kakashi and Sasuke find themselves gravitating towards their usual training ground every morning, and they mostly train in silence.

Today, Sasuke breaks it.

"What kind of love is it? The kind you feel for that special person in your life?"

Kakashi pauses. The unspoken name rings in their heads, loud and clear.

"Why do you ask?"

Sasuke shrugs, throwing another kunai.

"What I feel for my special person isn't the same as what you feel."

"And what do you know about the way I feel, Sasuke-kun?"

There is a dangerous silkiness in Kakashi's voice and yet it does nothing to deter Sasuke's boldness. They have been teammates for too long, and if there is anything Sasuke knows about Kakashi, it is that he can trust the other shinobi with his life.

"I know you think about her all the time. I know you look at her and hope she'll love you back the way you love her."

Kakashi stares at Sasuke a tad resentfully.

"What happened to the good old days when you were too emotionally constipated to express deep thoughts like this?"

"I've never been emotionally constipated," Sasuke deadpans. "It's just hard to explain the way I see and feel things. I haven't heard anyone use the words that feel right. And when I try to do it myself, people say the words I use are inadequate."

Kakashi sighs through his mask.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. It's a bad habit, teasing you like that."

Sasuke waves a hand dismissively.

"Am I right? About what I said?" When Kakashi does not say anything, Sasuke asks, "If your special person found love with someone else and married them tomorrow, would you be happy?"

"I would be happy for her," Kakashi replies quietly. "And I would be sad. For myself."

Sasuke nods.

"If my special person found love with someone else and married them tomorrow, I think I would be fine, as long as she and I remained close friends."

Kakashi tilts his head.

"I don't understand. Aren't you in love with her?"

"I love her, but it doesn't feel right to say that I am in love with her. It's confusing, because I am undeniably attracted to her power. The way she moves. The way she talks. The way she thinks. But I don't have to marry her or have children with her." Sasuke is silent for a while before continuing. "I don't understand why I don't want these things with her. Isn't that what everyone talks about wanting when they talk about loving someone?"

Kakashi shrugs, mindful not to look too concerned. This is the most Sasuke has ever spoken about his feelings, and Kakashi does not want to scare his teammate away.

"So you'd be okay with a purely physical relationship?" Kakashi asks wryly. "I'm assuming the person in question is physically attractive, so that's understandable."

Sasuke shakes his head, brow furrowing in frustration.

"I wouldn't feel happy with a purely physical relationship. At least, not with this person. Would you?"

"Not in the long run," Kakashi admits quietly.

"But we are attracted to her — to our special person for similar reasons. So why don't I want what you want?"

Kakashi is not sure, but that does not stop him from saying the one thing he knows is true: "Feelings are complicated, Sasuke."

"And they're even harder to explain."

"Try me. We've got all day."

Sasuke thinks some more.

"Above all else, I treasure my friendship with her deeply. If she ever came to me for the physical aspects of a relationship, I would be happy, and the relationship would feel complete to me. It would be the same as her finally asking to —" Sasuke pauses, thumbing the edge of his kunai, "train with me or something, after years of never asking."

Kakashi restrains a laugh.

"Really, Sasuke? Sex is like training to you?"

"No," Sasuke says, mildly frustrated. Kakashi bites his tongue and reminds himself that Sasuke has just admitted that words are difficult for him. "Sex to me is what training is to you. Training is a highly enjoyable physical activity, and while you have the ability to train with anyone, you only choose to do so with people that you respect and trust. And just because you do doesn't mean that you don't love her. At the same time, you wouldn't question her feelings for you if she told you she was training with someone else for the day instead of you."

"So what's an activity to you that's the equivalent of what sex is to me? Because having sex isn't something I'll do with just anyone. For me, it's an expression of the most intimate love I can give, and I would be very hurt if I was in a relationship with this person and she did that with anyone that wasn't me," Kakashi says wryly.

Sasuke mulls it over.

"There is no equivalent activity for me. All I know is that she feels like home to me, and it would hurt if she shut me out," Sasuke says quietly. "Does any of this make sense?"

Kakashi nods, a thoughtful look on his face.

"It's starting to."

Slowly, they resume their target practice, watching as the kunai and shuriken hit dead center each time.

Kakashi spins a shuriken between his fingers then says, "If, by some grand coincidence, we happen to be talking about the same person, she would be very angry with us if she knew we were discussing her this way."

Sasuke laughs quietly.

"I know. But you were the only one I could think to ask for help, figuring out these feelings."

"Why?"

"I didn't know if the way I loved her was wrong. And I don't care about saying the wrong words in front of you."

Kakashi hums thoughtfully.

"It's only wrong if you impose it on her when she wants nothing to do with it. The same goes for me and the way I love her."

Both shinobi think about the disastrous incident two weeks before the chunin exams and smile to themselves.

"For what it's worth, I think she loves you the same way you love her," Sasuke points out, his voice cool.

Kakashi snorts.

"Funny you say that. I've been thinking very recently that she loves you the same way you love her too." Then Kakashi pauses, smiling sadly. "And we can make our assumptions all we want, but they mean nothing until she says something herself."

"Do you think she ever will?" Sasuke asks.

There is a silence. They both know Sakura too well, and they know the answer.

"If someday, she chooses one of us over the other, I don't want us to hate each other," Kakashi says with a sigh.

Sasuke nods then says, only slightly begrudgingly, "If by some miracle she chooses us both, I wouldn't hate you."

Kakashi remains facing the targets, but his eyes flicker to the side to look at Sasuke.

"I guess I wouldn't hate you either."

Sasuke looks down at the kunai in his hand and the corners of his mouth tilt upwards ever so slightly.

Because you love her as much as I do.

The sentiment goes unspoken, but both of them feel the words on the tip of their tongue, in their bones, feel the reciprocity, the shared hope, the longing, and it is enough.

The moment does not last. An ANBU member with a weasel mask materializes in front of them, and says, "Hatake-san, Uchiha-san, report to the Hokage immediately. Team Seven is requesting for back-up."

There are two things that keep Team Seven functional; Sakura's fists, and a dedicated routine. Every time they come back from a mission, they dutifully head to Hokage Tower with Naruto to give their verbal report to Minato before beelining it to Naruto's favorite ramen stand.

Sasuke has learned a long time ago that whining about Naruto's choice of establishment does absolutely nothing to change their plans, but every time they settle onto the tall stools, Naruto cannot help but poke the bear with an exaggerated stretch and a loud, "Aah, the perks of being team captain."

And each time this happens, Kakashi and Sakura do their best not to laugh at the twitch in Sasuke's eye.

After they are done eating, Naruto sets money down to cover the check, ruffles their hair, then disappears in a swirl of leaves before Sasuke can set his ass on fire. And between the three teammates, there is an unspoken agreement that they will converge at Sakura's apartment later once they are done checking in with their respective families. Sasuke always leaves first; the Uchiha compound is furthest away from Konoha proper, and he makes it a priority to share a cup of tea with his mother and father, then checks in with Itachi. Parts of his solo routine change over the years; when Itachi and Izumi get married, Sasuke invites Izumi to tea with him and his parents. And when Izumi gives birth to a healthy son, Sasuke always volunteers to watch his nephew for two hours after tea with his parents, sometimes roping Shisui into it, so that Itachi and Izumi can have some time to themselves.

Meanwhile, Kakashi always walks Sakura to the Haruno household then sticks around long enough to say something charming to Mebuki and Kizashi before heading to the Hatake compound. The compound is small but teeming with life. His younger cousins, all white-haired boys and excitable in the way only puppies are, pile onto him every single time he walks through the doors, clinging onto his limbs, his back, his shoulders, his chest, asking him a hundred and one questions about his mission and the smells he brings back with him. The wriggling, yipping mass of Hatake pups clinging to his body does nothing to deter him as he tracks down Sakumo and greets his father with a cheerful smile and a two-fingered salute.

(Today, one of Kakashi's cousins, Hideki, asks him when he will bring the person who smells like forest and wildflowers to the compound. Kakashi shrugs and promises to introduce Hideki soon, if he is so curious.

"Is she your teammate, Kaka-nii-san?" Hideki asks, pressing his masked nose into Kakashi's shoulder, where Sakura's head last touched him when she embraced him goodbye. "She smells pretty."

Kakashi smiles, ruffles the child's hair, and says, "That's right, Hideki-chan."

There is little point in clarifying whether he is answering Hideki's question or confirming his statement. They are both true.

"Do you like her? Is she going to be your mate?" Hideki asks baldly. The rest of the cousins start giggling.

"Maa, Hideki-chan, I can't introduce you to her if you're going to ask her questions like that."

In the background, Sakumo snorts with laughter, and Kakashi casually drags his hitai-ate down over the tips of his ears to hide how red they are.

"Why not?" Hideki whines.

"Kakashi-nii-san is blushing," Itsuki squeals, tugging at Kakashi's mask. The cousins do indeed find a blush, but they shriek in horror at the dried blood that streaks across Kakashi's face and neck.

"Ah yes, that reminds me; it's time for a shower."

And they squirm off him, still shrieking as they run.

"You could have at least told them it wasn't yours, son," Sakumo says wryly from behind his book.

Kakashi shrugs, slipping the mask back up.

"Serves them right for being nosy." He takes a moment to look at Sakumo, suddenly overcome with emotion by the opportunity to study every line on his father's aging face, then quietly says, "He's gone."

Sakumo sets his book down. There is only one person Kakashi refuses to acknowledge by name, and Sakumo's chest aches at the darkness clouding his son's eyes.

"Let go of your anger, my boy," Sakumo says softly. "I took his parents from him because of a senseless war, and he was only trying to seek vengeance for them." When Kakashi says nothing, Sakumo asks, "Did you kill him?"

"Sakura."

Sakumo nods.

"He cannot hurt you, or me, or anyone else ever again. Let him go."

Sakumo holds his son to his chest, and they stay like this for thirty minutes before Sakumo gently reminds Kakashi that he is long overdue for that shower.)

Kakashi is always the first to arrive at Sakura's apartment and he curls up at the foot of her bed, underneath blankets that smell so wonderfully of her, with his head poking out of the covers so that he can read his books. The first time she finds him like this, Sakura blinks, asks if he has already showered, and when he nods, all she does is shrug and starts unloading her mission pack. Nowadays, she breezes into her bedroom after a typically raucous welcome home dinner from her parents, one hand stretched out so that her fingertips can ghost over the top of his wild hair before grabbing a change of clothes and going to the bathroom to shower.

When Sasuke finally arrives, he always does so with some form of booze. Tonight, it is sake, and the three of them giggle as Sasuke does his best impression of Shisui changing a soiled diaper. It is unnervingly nuanced.

"I've never seen your face make so many expressions, Sasuke," Kakashi manages around a drunken giggle.

Sasuke smirks, wavering slightly in his seat.

"Someone has to make up for all the expressions we can't see from you," he says, swiftly pouring more sake for everyone.

"Are you still on about that?" Sakura groans on Kakashi's behalf. She is slumped over on him, her head resting on his shoulder.

"And you're telling me you're not curious at all?" Sasuke asks incredulously.

Sakura hiccups, pointing a finger in Sasuke's face.

"If he doesn't want to show us, then he shouldn't have to," she insists, slurring. "Right, Kakashi?"

"Sakura-chan, my savior," Kakashi says, smiling happily as she nuzzles into him.

"Have you ever shown anyone your face?" Sasuke asks, dark eyes gleaming predatorily as he watches Sakura's lips brush against Kakashi's shoulder.

"The entire Hatake clan has seen my face," Kakashi says, shrugging. "My ninken have seen my face once."

"Why do you want to see Kakashi's face so badly?" Sakura asks, opening one eye to look at Sasuke.

"If I'm being perfectly honest?" Sasuke says. He locks eyes with Sakura and downs a shot. "I want to know who you think is more attractive, Sakura."

Sakura and Kakashi go perfectly still, and suddenly, the air is charged with electricity.

"Maa, Sasuke, why didn't you say that from the start?" Kakashi says casually to defuse the tension. "I would've showed you both a long time ago, but surely Sakura's judgment can wait another time, when she's sober."

Sakura removes herself from Kakashi and plants both her hands on the table, hoisting herself up, and the two men exchange a glance as her abdomen glows the familiar faint green of healing chakra.

"I'm sober right now," she says with deadly precision, and she bites her bottom lip playfully as a wicked little smile spreads on her face.

Sasuke smirks in return as Kakashi stares at his teammates suspiciously.

"Was this planned? I feel like this was a trap," he says loudly.

"It wasn't," Sakura answers honestly. "Sasuke just gave me an opportunity and I took it."

"Intuitive teamwork," Sasuke whispers loudly over the table, still smirking.

Within minutes, the three of them are huddled in front of Sakura's bathroom mirror, with Kakashi and Sasuke standing side by side behind Sakura.

"Why are you guys so fucking tall?" Sakura grumbles.

"Are you not able to see our reflections from down there, Sakura?" Sasuke teases her, tapping a finger right above the purple diamond on her forehead.

"I can see you two!" Sakura exclaims crossly.

"Maa, Sasuke, is it so important that you have to see my face at the same time as Sakura?" Kakashi says, sulking a little.

"Yes, it is," Sasuke deadpans, and the sibilance is the only detail that betrays the level of his inebriation. "We're a team. And I want to know what I'm up against."

"Out of all the silly competitions you guys have had, this is easily the most ridiculous one," Sakura says, wrinkling her nose.

"I agree," Kakashi says. "In seconds, there's going to be a clear winner, and we'll have to spend the rest of the night consoling Sasuke when he feels ugly for the first time in his life."

"Words mean nothing, Hatake. Show us your face."

Kakashi pulls the mask down, and Sasuke and Sakura stare at his reflection in the mirror. Sasuke remains impassive while Sakura's cheeks slowly grow red, her eyes never leaving Kakashi's naked face.

"Fuck," Sasuke grunts, scowling. "It is a beauty mark."

In response, Kakashi smirks, and it turns into a devastatingly full blown smile right before Sakura covers her entire face with both hands. She hears Sasuke curse one more time and then yell, "What is going on with your canines, Hatake?"

There is some rustling, and Sakura does not even want to know what is going on, whether it is with Kakashi's supposedly outrageous canines or whatever is happening behind her. Although her skin feels unnervingly warm, Sakura finds herself regretting her clothing choice of shorts and thin black tank top.

"Okay, well this was fun and everything," she squeaks, hands still over her eyes and face as she tries to sidestep away from her teammates. "But I'm really sleepy now and —"

Sasuke's hand grasps onto the sink, blocking her from leaving.

"But you promised you'd tell us who you thought was more attractive, Sakura."

His voice is silky, and Sakura's skin radiates with an infernal heat.

"I made no such promise —"

"Maa, Sakura, don't be coy. You implicitly agreed that you would when you said that you were sober enough to make a judgment."

She feels Kakashi's hands gently wrap around her wrists to pull her hands away from her face. With mounting horror, Sakura notes that Kakashi still has his mask down, but also —

"Well?" Sasuke says, crossing his arms against his chest.

Sakura blinks quickly for a few seconds.

"When the fuck did both of you take your shirts off?" she yells, her blush coming back in full force.

"Kakashi's got an unfair advantage," Sasuke says, scowling.

"Are you admitting defeat already, Sasuke-kun? I'm flattered."

"Kakashi's face is a novelty. You've seen mine so many times already, so it only makes sense for me to even the playing field by showing you my chest, which you haven't seen either," Sasuke reasons smugly.

"And Sasuke gave himself an unfair advantage by taking his shirt off, so I evened out the playing field some more and took my shirt off too."

"That's not how evening out the playing field works, Kakashi," Sasuke growls.

Sakura screams into her fists.

"Get out of my bathroom, you stupidly hot idiots! I can't breathe in here with both of you taking up all the air in the room!"

With a chakra enforced hand, she shoves them both out of the door before slamming it shut, separating herself from them. Kakashi and Sasuke mill around awkwardly for a moment before sitting on her bed.

"Sakura-chan, you know our shirts are still in there, right?" Kakashi calls out helpfully.

There is no response. A second later, Sakura's shower turns on, and they hear the sounds of Sakura's teeth chattering.

"Congratulations, Hatake," Sasuke says drolly. "Your ugly face and scrawny chest broke our teammate."

"I am neither ugly nor scrawny and you know that." Kakashi pauses. "And not that this is the way to think about it, but I think it's going to take a lot more to 'break' Sakura-chan."

The water shuts off and the two men stop talking. A moment later, the door slams open and Sakura walks through it calmly, her hair dripping wet, skin white as a sheet, and lips tinged slightly blue. She is shivering.

"Kakashi, you're handsome," Sakura says evenly, pointing at him, "and Sasuke, you're pretty. And that's that. Neither of you is more attractive than the other, so technically, no one wins this stupid competition. Now please put your shirts on and go home. See you tomorrow at training."

She tosses their clothes to them, and Kakashi frowns at the damp material.

"Sakura, why are our shirts wet? Did you drip all over them?" When a violent blush spreads across Sakura's face, Kakashi adds: "After your shower?"

Before Sakura has a chance to answer, Sasuke sighs, dropping the shirt at his feet.

"I can't wear this," Sasuke declares. He rests his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands in front of his face, peering up at Sakura from under his long, very pretty eyelashes. "And I refuse to walk home without a shirt on."

"Me neither," Kakashi pipes up, running a hand up and down his naked torso. "I don't want to catch a cold."

"Then shunshin home," Sakura says, her eyes narrowing.

Kakashi tilts his head.

"My chakra reserves are low. I had to fight off all eight of my cousins to be able to make it here on time."

Sasuke smirks.

"And what's your excuse, Sasuke?" Sakura asks faintly, looking like she is about two seconds away from diving back into another cold shower.

"Too drunk," he grunts, leaning back on his elbows. Promptly, Sakura turns around, opens a closet, and rips out two blankets. She throws the bundle of fabric onto them.

"Fine. Swaddle yourselves in these. You're not allowed to walk around here shirtless."

"We're not allowed to walk around your apartment shirtless," Sasuke says slowly for clarification.

"That's right," Sakura says cheerfully. "My apartment, my rules."

Kakashi and Sasuke exchange glances.

"Fair enough, Sakura-chan," Kakashi says, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. When he shoots her a lopsided grin, exposing some intriguingly sharp canines, Sakura tosses him a second blanket, which he happily bundles around the lower half of his face, inhaling her scent with each breath.

"I said swaddle yourselves," Sakura snarls when Sasuke lazily ties the ends of the blanket together in a cape that covers his back and leaves his torso exposed. When he does nothing to fix his cape-blanket, she rotates it so that it covers his chest. Sasuke shrugs, heading back to the living room, and Sakura insistently looks anywhere but his very muscular back.

They soon polish off the rest of the sake, and when the two men fall asleep in her living room, blankets still draped around their very naked torsos, Sakura exhales heavily and goes to bed, locking her bedroom door for good measure.

Her teammates are mercifully absent the next morning, and Sakura begrudgingly makes her way to their usual training ground. She bumps into Naruto on the way.

"Oh!" she says, startled. "Good morning, sensei!"

"Sakura-chan!" he says cheerfully, a bright smile on his face. "Wanna race to the training ground?"

"You're on, sensei," she says, stretching her hamstrings. Naruto does the same. "What's in it for the winner?"

"If I win, you have to pay for my ramen for a week," Naruto says, grinning widely.

Sakura looks crestfallen.

"Are you trying to drain me of all my money, sensei?"

"Fine. You have to pay for my ramen the next time we all have a team dinner. What do you want if you win?"

Sakura thinks about it.

"A favor I can cash in whenever I want, no questions asked."

"Sakura-chan, that's hardly fair. At least you know what happens if you lose!"

Sakura laughs.

"Fine. I promise you that my favor won't embarrass you or put you in a situation that's perilous or morally questionable. And most importantly, I promise that I won't force you to do it if it makes you feel really uncomfortable."

Naruto shrugs.

"I'll hold you to that promise, Sakura-chan."

They speed off. Naruto is fast, but Sakura is younger, lighter, faster. She stays on pace with Naruto, only boosting her speed when the training ground is two hundred meters away, and she laughs heartily when Naruto groans loudly.

"Sakura-chan, it's not fair to challenge an old man like me to a race like that!"

"But Naruto-sensei, you were the one who —"

Sasuke zips past them, katana in his hands as he swings it towards Kakashi, who has materialized seemingly out of thin air. Kakashi blocks the swing with his own katana, his eyes curved upwards.

"Good morning, Sakura-chan, Naruto-sensei!" he shouts from the middle of the training ground.

"Looks like they started without us, Sakura-chan," Naruto says, spinning two kunai in each hand. "Think fast, boys!"

Kakashi dodges with his usual speed but Sasuke, apparently, doesn't get the memo. The kunai sinks into his shoulder cleanly, and a muffled grunt escapes him as red bleeds into the sleeve of his pristine white kimono. He takes a moment to glare at Naruto, then smirking at Sakura, he jerks the kunai out of his shoulder before shrugging the kimono sleeves off his body, leaving his chest and arms exposed.

"Good idea, Sasuke-kun," Kakashi says amiably as Sasuke holds a hand up to his shoulder to staunch the bleeding. "It's getting a little warm."

To Sakura's abject horror, Kakashi divests himself of his usual long-sleeved black shirt, opting to leave on the sleeveless black undershirt, which is damp with sweat and clings to every single muscle lining his abdomen. Somehow this is more obscene than Sasuke's topless display.

"I'm not healing either of you dunderheads today," Sakura says immediately, green eyes steely.

"That's fine," Sasuke says darkly.

He wipes his bloody hand on his bare chest and Sakura feels like she is going to die.

Sweating, and not just because he raced Sakura to the training ground, Naruto takes a step back and points at all of them.

"You three are being weird again," he says accusingly. "What's going on?"

When no one answers, Naruto throws his hands up in the air.

"I'm leaving. You three figure it out and come back tomorrow with your heads screwed on right."

"We'll do our best, Naruto-sensei," Kakashi says sincerely.

Sasuke actually laughs out loud. Sakura grabs Naruto's arm, desperation in her eyes.

"Naruto-sensei, wait! I want to cash in on my favor —"

"Nope, this counts as an uncomfortable situation for me, Sakura-chan. Bye!"

And he shunshins away, a leaf flying into Sakura's forehead. She crosses her arms tightly to her torso, looking pointedly towards the lake.

"Maa, Sakura-chan, are we making you uncomfortable?" To his credit, Kakashi does sound genuinely apologetic. "We're sorry. We're taking this too far —"

"Speak for yourself, Hatake," Sasuke deadpans.

A vein twitches in Sakura's forehead.

"Okay, look, I'm not stupid," she says, glaring at them. "I know what people are doing when they deliberately parade themselves around like pieces of meat in front of someone else. Do I need to remind you that I'm not some prize for whatever stupid competition you guys are in?"

At her words, Sasuke balks.

"We're not competing for you, Sakura," he says seriously. "We're working together."

"You're doing what?" she asks in a low, dangerous voice.

"What Sasuke means is —"

"Shut up, Hatake, you don't get to use your pretty words on me," Sakura snarls, glaring at both of them. "So what I'm hearing is that you both want to —"

She gesticulates wildly, going red in the face. The two men take it upon themselves to help her finish her sentence.

"Fuck you," Sasuke deadpans at the same time Kakashi says, "Worship your body."

Sakura blinks.

"But only if you want that," Kakashi clarifies.

The blush receding from her face, Sakura stares at them thoughtfully.

"Like at the same time?"

"If that's what you want," Sasuke says bluntly.

"And what if I just want one of you?"

Sasuke and Kakashi exchange glances.

"If that's what you want," they say in unison.

Sakura narrows her eyes at them.

"I'm not gonna lie; this is extremely flattering, to the point where I'm only marginally disturbed by the fact that you're both presenting yourselves to me like options on a dinner menu. So what's the catch?"

Kakashi frowns.

"There is no catch," he says.

"There's always a catch," Sakura deadpans. "What's it going to cost us? Because if any of this messes up our friendship or ruins us as a team, then I don't want it."

A breeze drifts by, ruffling through Sasuke's hair.

"The catch is that Kakashi is deeply in love with you and has been for years."

Kakashi side-eyes his childhood rival.

"And Sasuke is the human equivalent of a horny ice cube because he's incapable of experiencing romantic love, even for you."

"I resent everything about what you just said, especially the implication that my platonic love for Sakura is inferior to your romantic love for her," Sasuke says, his voice getting increasingly agitated with each word.

"I didn't say that, Sasuke-kun," Kakashi replies patiently. "I said you were a horny ice cube."

"Implying that I am incapable of experiencing deep, complex emotions, which is false —"

"Sounds like you guys have talked about this before," Sakura says coolly.

The two men shift uncomfortably before her.

"People want you, Sakura. You're powerful, desirable, brimming with potential," Sasuke says softly, his dark eyes simmering with heat. "But loving you from the shadows while being your friend is something else."

"I think what Sasuke is trying to say," Kakashi starts delicately, "is that we don't want to break Team Seven's bond over something like this either. We talked to each other about our feelings for you. And we talked about how we wouldn't resent each other if one day, you decided that you wanted to have a more intimate relationship with one of us."

"We also discussed the possibility of you wanting a more intimate relationship with both of us," Sasuke adds, crossing his arms.

Sakura glares at them.

"Okay, thanks for the mission report, guys," she snipes. "So why didn't you just talk to me about it like adults instead of taking your shirts off around me at every opportunity?

"We're talking right now," Kakashi says mildly.

"Only after I asked what the hell was going on!"

"Getting a reaction from you is more fun," Sasuke says bluntly.

Notably, Kakashi does not deny this statement. A dangerous smile flits over Sakura's face.

"So it's like a little game for both of you, is it?" she asks softly. They both squirm before her. "You know, I always suspected there was a reason you didn't ask me to join your stupid competitions, and I think I'm about to prove myself right."

Kakashi swallows nervously.

"And what reason would that be, Sakura-chan?"

She smiles sharply at them.

"Because if I join, I'd outclass you both. Easily." She rakes her eyes over their bodies. "Really, you wanted to seduce me, and all you could throw at me was a few double entendres, blunt propositions, and your good looks?"

"Maa, you can't say that none of it was working, Sakura-chan."

"It was good bait," Sakura admits softly, her eyes a darker shade of green. "But I would have gotten over it eventually."

She stalks towards them with the grace of a predator, and it is too late by the time they notice the tendrils of vines snaking up their legs. The vines tighten, forcing them to kneel before her.

"Let me tell you something about me," she says softly, gripping Kakashi's hair with one hand and stroking the side of Sasuke's face with the other. "As flattering as it is for two strong and very attractive men to throw themselves at me, the thing that really gets me off is a good chase. So resist me for two weeks, then I'll consider your intriguing proposition."

Sakura disappears in a flurry of leaves, and the vines around their legs loosen. Kakashi looks distinctly light-headed, while Sasuke forces himself to stand, stony-faced and pallid. The entire top half of his kimono is red.

"Don't fuck this up, Hatake."

"Me? You're the one who's been dangling himself in front of her like a stick of dango." Kakashi pulls a book out of his pocket. "Besides, I read porn in public. I think I'll be able to handle whatever Sakura-chan throws at us."

"That's a fuinjutsu book."

"Are you sure about that, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke activates the Sharingan and blanches when he sees the real book cover and its title: Icha Icha Paradise.

"Have all your fuinjutsu textbooks been porn this whole time?" he asks in disbelief.

"Don't be silly, Sasuke. Jiraiya-sama only started publishing this series a year ago."

Sasuke grunts.

"I'm going home."

"Perhaps visit the hospital first, Sasuke-kun. I think you're going to need to stop losing blood if you plan on spending your afternoon the way I suspect you will."

A faint blush dusts Sasuke's cheeks and he glares at Kakashi one more time before shunshinning away.

"You're welcome," Kakashi says to the empty training ground.

Chapter 3: an undercover mission

Not that he will ever admit it, but Sasuke is glad he took Kakashi's advice to visit the hospital.

The moment he steps foot out of the hospital doors, fully healed and with his red blood cells replenished, he is summoned to the Hokage's office, and within minutes, he is standing stiffly next to Kakashi and Sakura, who are both examining the mission scroll in Sakura's hand. Minato raises his eyebrows at Sasuke's blood-soaked kimono before clearing his throat.

"This is Fire Daimyo's brother, Norio-sama," Minato says, sighing as, across his desk, he spreads some gruesome photos of a mutilated body. "He was assassinated at an exclusive sex party that is hosted only twice a year."

The three of them blink in unison, careful not to look at each other.

"The Fire Daimyo's brother is the third high profile target who has been killed under these circumstances within the past two years, and given the salacious details of these deaths, everything has been kept hush-hush. But the people who run in these circles are getting nervous, and intel from T&I suggests that the Wind Daimyo's brother is the next on the hit list. Your objective is to infiltrate the next party, find the killer — or killers — and eliminate them. It is imperative that Konoha is not implicated, so you'll have to cloak your chakra signatures the entire time, and only rely on techniques that don't require chakra use. No Mokuton, no Chidori, and certainly no genjutsu, regularly or Sharingan-induced — not even in the direst of situations."

Minato turns to Kakashi apologetically.

"I'm sure you've noticed the requirements for your undercover disguise, Kakashi. I'm sorry, but part of the reason I chose Team Seven for this assignment was because of the striking resemblance between you and the Wind Daimyo's brother, Sukea-sama."

"It's not a problem, Hokage-sama," Kakashi says mildly. "And besides, we should take advantage of the family resemblance."

"Family resemblance?" Sakura repeats, intrigued.

"Ah." Kakashi smiles at his teammates sheepishly. "I'm somewhat related to the Wind Daimyo through my mother's side."

"Related how?" Sasuke asks.

Kakashi shrugs.

"The Wind Daimyo and Sukea-sama are my mother's brothers."

Sasuke raises his eyebrows.

"The Wind Daimyo is your uncle?" Sakura asks loudly.

"So you're telling me there's an entire family somewhere in Wind Country that looks just like you?" Sasuke deadpans.

Sakura's face is carefully composed into a neutral expression as Kakashi rubs the back of his neck.

"Sort of. People say I look like my father, but that's only because of our hair," he says thoughtfully. "He's always said I looked more like my mother."

He glances at the mission scroll one more time.

"Maa, Yondaime-sama, why does Sakura-chan need to play this particular role?" he asks nonchalantly.

Minato grimaces.

"The draw of next week's event is escorts with exotic features," Minato says, looking at Sakura apologetically. "I hope that answers your question, Kakashi."

Kakashi nods.

"Are there any other concerns?" Minato asks. At their silence, he leans back in his chair. "Given Naruto's absence, I'm appointing Sakura as team captain for this mission."

He tosses a scroll to each of them.

"These sealing scrolls contain your disguises. Good luck, and come home safe."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

As they leave the office, Sakura smiles wickedly at her two teammates.

"Funny how the universe throws a mission like this at us after everything we've just talked about," she says. Then her face takes on a more serious expression. "But seriously, the mission comes first. Let's not get into our heads too much, okay?"

Everyone nods.

"Alright, Team Seven. It looks like the journey to the Wind Daimyo's summer home in the Land of Rivers should take us a little over twenty-four hours if we pace ourselves. Let's get our things and meet at the gate in two hours."

"Yes, taichou," Sasuke and Kakashi say in unison.

Twenty hours later, Team Seven is crossing the border into the Land of Rivers. Sakura has set a brutal pace, volunteering to take watch each time they pause for breaks. Kakashi is concerned.

"Is something on your mind, taichou?" he asks.

He offers his flask to her, and Sakura smiles.

"Enough with the taichou nonsense. You can pick that up later when we're in front of people we actually have to impress."

She takes a swig from the flask. Kakashi gently nudges her shoulder with his.

"Is something on your mind, Sakura?"

She takes a moment to tap her fingers against his flask then finally says, "Yeah. I'm a little nervous about this one because of the whole no genjutsu thing. I've never actually slept with someone for a mission, and I'm just trying to wrap my head around the possibility of having to do that here."

As she speaks, Sasuke returns from splashing his face by the river and stands by them with his arms crossed.

"It's completely understandable to worry about that," Kakashi says, shrugging.

"Something wrong?" Sasuke asks, looking between them.

"We're discussing the no genjutsu aspect of the mission," Kakashi explains. "Maybe it's a good idea to have a contingency plan in place?"

Sakura nods, looking visibly relieved.

"What about a code word?" Sasuke suggests.

"That's a great idea, Sasuke-kun. What color are your clothes for the mission, Sakura?"

"Red."

Kakashi nods.

"If anything has to happen, that can be our code word for when one of us needs something to stop. It's up to the rest of Team Seven to defuse the situation. How does that sound, Sakura?"

She exhales loudly then throws her arms around both their necks. Kakashi melts happily into the embrace, looping an arm around her waist, while Sasuke rests a hand on her hip.

"I have the best teammates in the world."

"It's about time you realized," Sasuke says dryly, his voice muffled by her hair.

Kakashi nods, his nose nuzzling into her neck. They stay like this for a few more seconds before Sakura lets go and adjusts the hood around her distinctive hair.

"Alright, Team Seven. No more breaks from this point onwards. Sukea-sama is expecting us in the evening."

They arrive just before six, and a servant promptly shows them to their rooms.

"Sukea-sama sends his sincerest apologies for missing your arrival, but he assures you that he will be able to join you for dinner. In the meantime, please take this time to rest and refresh yourselves. I will escort you to the dining room in an hour."

After the servant leaves, Sasuke pouts and asks, "Is he saying we smell?"

Sakura restrains a laugh.

"It's not like we've been rolling through a field of flowers, Sasuke. Now go take a bath. Both of you."

Without another word, she neatly slips into her assigned room, shuts the door, and beelines it to the bathroom. Sakura almost squeals when she sees the spacious tub, delighted by the various nozzles, and she hurriedly strips off her clothes. She sits at the edge of the tub and rotates the left-most nozzle, smiling happily when her fingertips skim the warm surface of the slowly rising water. Tilting her head, Sakura tries another nozzle, and she hums when pleasantly scented bubbles begin to fill the tub.

The water does wonders to relax her tired muscles, and after a twenty minute soak, her limbs feel pleasantly heavy. After submerging her head underwater and giving her hair a good scrub with a sweet green tea-scented shampoo and its matching conditioner, Sakura reluctantly climbs out of the tub and dresses herself in an elegant yukata, admiring the flowers embroidered into the silky fabric.

She finds Kakashi and Sasuke in a sitting room, Kakashi reading one of his usual textbooks while Sasuke takes in the surroundings disinterestedly. Sakura sits between them, peering over Kakashi's shoulder to see what's on the page. She blinks.

"That's not a fuinjutsu textbook," she says slowly.

"No, it's not," he confirms, smiling cheerfully at her.

"Good evening, everyone," a soft tenor reverberates through the air. Sukea glides into the room, dressed in a simple forest green robes, and Sakura freezes when she takes in the purple paint around his eyes. Similarly, Sukea falters when he sees her, and a warm smile spreads across his face. "I was expecting to see one familiar face," he says, nodding at Kakashi, "but to see another is a very pleasant surprise."

"Sukea-oji-san," Kakashi says, bowing respectfully, "have you and Sakura-taichou met before?"

"In a manner of speaking, Kakashi-kun," Sukea says softly, his grey eyes warm as they take in the light blush on Sakura's cheeks. "Your taichou and I had an entire summer to ourselves when both our families vacationed in Suna five years ago."

"You told me your name was Shigeo," Sakura says, faintly accusatory. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Sasuke working overtime to understand exactly what Sukea means by had an entire summer to ourselves.

Sukea laughs, ignoring the cold glare from Sasuke that follows shortly.

"And you told me your name was Hana, so I suppose that makes us even," he says, winking at her. "Please, let us sit and eat."

As the servants bring an assortment of dishes to the table, Sasuke charges in with all the subtlety of Gamabunta making his way through a crowded teahouse: "So what exactly do you do at these events, Sukea-sama?"

Sukea's hazy grey eyes settle on Sasuke, and the second the doors to the dining room close, he says, "You mean the sex parties? I'm sure it's quite self-explanatory, Uchiha-san."

Sasuke's eyes narrow. Sakura lays a hand on Sasuke's arm and says, "Sukea-sama, it would help us tremendously if we knew what to expect. And I'm sure you know that part of the reason we're here early is to give Kakashi the opportunity to study you so that his impersonation is as accurate as possible."

"Understandable," Sukea says, looking at Sakura once more with that warmth in his eyes. "How far will this impersonation go?"

"As far as it takes to complete the mission objectives," Kakashi says pleasantly, dragging his mask down and popping a pickled vegetable into his mouth. Sukea watches closely, unabashedly fascinated with the lower half of Kakashi's face. "We're not squeamish, oji-san, so please speak freely."

"Very well." Sukea dabs the corner of his mouth with a napkin. "To put it plainly, I like having an audience. I prefer women, and I always share with another man. I am a creature of habit, and it would be unusual for me to abstain from the sex or the drugs being passed around, so I'm afraid you can't do much loitering or scouting, Kakashi-kun. I can give you a list of my drugs of choice and preferred — ah — positions so that you can make your illusions as realistic as possible."

He smiles a beatific smile before taking a sip of tea. His words seize at the throats of Team Seven, rendering them speechless for a moment as they all think of Minato's no-genjutsu stipulation.

Kakashi is the first to recover. Smiling widely to show off his teeth, he says, "Of course, oji-san."

Sukea tilts his head, frowning when he sees the sharpness of Kakashi's canines.

"We do look similar enough, Kakashi-kun, but I am concerned about your teeth, not to mention that beauty mark."

"The mark can be concealed easily with makeup," Kakashi says, tapping a finger against it. "I can't do much about the teeth, but you favor close-lipped smiles, so I think I can get away with it."

"Excellent," Sukea laughs. "I know this is just another job to you, but words cannot adequately express my gratitude." He nods at Team Seven across the table. "Whispers of this rumored assassination attempt had me and Hideo-nii-san nervous, but I am confident that you will catch the people behind these murders."

He takes out a bell from his pocket, and when he rings it, a servant swiftly comes through the doors.

"How may I serve you, Sukea-sama?"

"Please retrieve Box Five from my chambers, Jiro," Sukea says softly.

The servant returns with a lacquered wooden box, and the members of Team Seven watch as Sukea holds a stack of photos in his hand. He splits the stack in half and passes one to his right where Kakashi is sitting and the other to Sakura on his left.

"These are photos of the location and its interior," he explains, smiling faintly as Sasuke scowls at one of the photos over Sakura's shoulder.

Sakura raises her eyebrows a fraction as she flips through the seemingly endless stack of pictures. Despite the pornographic nature of the images, they are quite tasteful, and to her horror, she feels the familiar, low stirrings of arousal thrumming between her thighs. She trades stacks with Kakashi, whose pupils have expanded dramatically, making his grey eyes appear even darker. A lopsided smirk tugs at the left side of his mouth as his fingers brush against hers, and Sakura does nothing except smile neutrally and squeeze her legs together.

"I'm surprised they allowed you to take photos, oji-san," Kakashi says, finally breaking eye contact with her to examine the new stack clinically.

Sukea shrugs, explaining, "They trust me to be discreet. And many of the attendees enjoy a souvenir."

Kakashi wiggles a photo in his hand, grinning widely. Feeling faint, Sakura wonders when he is going to put his mask back on.

"Ah, there you are, oji-san! Are you on a stage?"

Sasuke looks positively ill as Kakashi hands over the photo in question to him and Sakura, who does a decent enough job of halting her blush, but cannot control the flustered half-smile on her face.

"I did warn you," Sukea laughs. "I always ask someone to take pictures when it's my turn to perform."

Sakura places the photos in front of Sasuke, turning to him.

"Sasuke, can you memorize these photos with your Sharingan?" she asks.

He makes a strangled noise in his throat.

"Seriously? Why?"

Sakura looks at him pointedly while Kakashi suppresses a giggle.

"To memorize locations. Kakashi and I have photographic memories, but human error is always a possibility. There's no error with the Sharingan," she reasons. "Please, Sasuke."

Unable to resist the look in her eyes, Sasuke grunts and gestures for Kakashi to hand over the rest of the photos. He activates his Sharingan then flips through the images quickly, and by the time he is done, his cheeks are dusted with the faintest hint of pink.

"Thank you, Sasuke," Sakura says quietly, squeezing his hand.

He clears his throat, a fully realized blush on his face now.

"Hn."

Sakura does not miss the tiny smile he shoots her way, and she happily deposits all the erotic photography back into the wooden box. Sukea closes the lid, grey eyes sweeping over Team Seven one more time.

"It is time for me to retire for the night," he says, standing up and holding the box close to his chest. Everyone makes to stand up too, but he holds a hand out to stop them, and sets down a bell on the table. "Please, sit and enjoy yourselves for as long as you'd like. If you would like any other food or drink, just ring the bell and ask. Goodnight, Kakashi-kun, Uchiha-san," and he pauses to smile, "and goodnight, Sakura-taichou."

As soon as he leaves, Sasuke and Kakashi look at her with barely concealed curiosity. Kakashi activates a silencing seal around the table, then with a playful grin on his naked face, he says, "Do you want to tell us about that summer vacation, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura covers her cheeks with both hands in a poor attempt to hide the redness. Sasuke crosses his arms, thoroughly unimpressed with Kakashi's antics.

"Remember when I spent that summer in Suna with my parents, right before we got promoted to jounin?" Sakura says, sighing. "Well, I met —" she pauses, as though to stop herself from making an error, "Sukea-sama at one of the summer festivals. He was my first — ummm —"

The two men don't prod for further clarification.

"Why the fake name?" Sasuke asks, despite himself.

Sakura smiles down at her cup of tea.

"That was the summer the three of us made it into the Bingo Books, and for those two months when I was with my parents, I didn't want to be Mokuton no Sakura. I just wanted to be a regular teenager without having to be a kunoichi at the same time." She looks up at them and shrugs. "I guess he gave me a fake name for similar reasons. He definitely knew I had no idea who he was."

She blushes at the memory of their first exchange, which prompts Kakashi to ask, "What did you do?"

"It wasn't so much what I did as much as what I said," she enunciates slowly, downing her tea in one gulp. "I asked if he had that purple paint on other parts of his body."

Sasuke looks at her in disbelief as Kakashi bursts out laughing.

"Have you always been like this?" Sasuke asks, a slow smile stretching over his face.

"Like what?" Sakura squeals, covering her eyes again.

"Assertive," Sasuke deadpans, poking her forehead.

She swats his hand away, biting her lip to suppress a smile.

"Maa, I think we all know the answer to that," Kakashi says, leaning over the table and propping his chin up with a fist. To her credit, Sakura maintains eye contact with him for a grand total of two seconds before looking down at her empty teacup. "Out of curiosity, Sakura-chan, does your two week challenge include the next forty-eight hours?"

The levity coats his voice like a slick sheen of varnish, but they have been Kakashi's teammates for too long not to look underneath the underneath. The three of them look at each other silently, and with some bravado, Sakura says, "You're the one who has to put on a show, Kakashi. You don't need our help doing that."

"Respectfully, I disagree, taichou," Kakashi says indolently. "It maybe necessary for the three of us need to put on that show together."

Suddenly, Sasuke bumps his knee against the table and exhales sharply in pain.

"Isn't it better for us to split up and cover more ground?" he says with hardly a grimace.

"Yes, but if we need to lure the killers and keep Konoha's name out of this mission, I can't very well lure an escort and another male guest into a private room and risk having them see Sukea-oji-san dispatching an assassination attempt on his life," Kakashi says drolly.

"Why weren't you concerned about this earlier when we talked about boundaries and our code word?" Sasuke demands.

"That was before we found out about Sukea-oji-san's preferences." Kakashi looks at Sasuke, an amused smile on his face. "The original plan I was going to propose to Sakura was to simulate noises with her inside a private room to lure the assassins to us. All we needed was a bottle of lube, a whip, and enough strength to jostle some furniture around."

"Lube? What for?" Sakura whispers, immediately regretting the question when Kakashi bares his canines again with a sharp, handsome grin.

"There is nothing more depressing than dry clapping sounds, Sakura-chan. Sukea-oji-san may be a pervert, but he's still family, and I won't tarnish his reputation by simulating dry, uninspired sex."

Sakura nods, feeling lightheaded once again. Meanwhile, Sasuke growls low in his chest as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Are you saying that we're going to fuck each other in public for a mission? How are we supposed to complete the mission objectives undetected if your uncle needs an audience to get off?"

"Sukea-oji-san mentioned his exhibitionism, but the pictures reveal that he uses the private rooms afterwards. Presumably to cuddle with his partners." Kakashi shrugs. "Sweet, isn't it?"

"That's one way to look at it," Sakura mutters. She closes her eyes and exhales out of her mouth. "Look; Kakashi's new plan makes sense, so we'll do it with our code word still in effect. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I think we can get away with doing almost everything except for actual sex, as long as we show Sukea-sama having an audience, even if it's just during foreplay."

"I can't believe you made me memorize those photos with my Sharingan," Sasuke grumbles, crossing his arms.

"Oh stop whining, Sasuke-chan," Sakura says, lightly pinching his cheek. "You're acting like I made you memorize photos of snakes humping away at piles of garbage."

"Snakes don't hump; they coil around each other in a complex and intricate dance," Sasuke scoffs, blushing slightly.

"Your description isn't doing what you think it's doing, Sasuke-kun," Kakashi says, grimacing.

Sakura claps a hand over her eyes.

"Can you put your face away, please? I think I've seen you make at least ten different facial expressions, and it's too much to take in one night!"

"Maa, Sakura-chan, you can't be this bashful around me two nights from now. And besides, my bare face is going to be the last of your concerns." Despite his words, Kakashi slips his mask back on. "You're off the hook this time because you've had quite an excitable night as it is."

Suddenly, Sasuke snorts with laughter. Sakura's eyebrow twitches.

"Is something funny, Sasuke?"

"You made out with Kakashi's uncle," Sasuke says, his face stoic except for the tiniest upward quirk of the corners of his mouth. "That's like if you made out with Shisui's dad."

Sakura screeches in frustration, and Sasuke dodges her fist by the skin of his teeth.

"Sukea-sama is only a couple of years older than us, you insufferable jerk!" she says crossly. She stands up primly, smoothing out her yukata just to do something with her hands. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

They watch her leave, and when the doors close, Kakashi hums and says, "You like making her mad."

Sasuke smirks in response. Kakashi shakes his head.

"If that's your thing, I don't think you're in any position to make fun of Sukea-oji-san for his preferences."

"Why are you so defensive of Sukea-sama's preferences anyway?" Sasuke asks suspiciously.

Kakashi shrugs then yawns loudly, stretching his arms above his head.

"Sakura-chan's got the right idea. It's time for bed." He stands, cracking his spine as he makes a big show of twisting his torso. "Try not to dream of Sukea-oji-san's photos."

Raising his hand in his usual two-finger salute, Kakashi slips out, leaving Sasuke alone in the dining room.

Sasuke scowls.

"Stupid fucking photos," he grumbles to himself, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

The next day finds Team Seven scattered around the luxurious residence. Kakashi spends most of his time with Sukea, accompanying his uncle on his nature photography trip. Sasuke blows off some steam at the training ground, running through his katas and gleefully throwing kunai at the wooden targets until every single one of them has split down the middle. In the meantime, Sakura spends the entire day being pampered by Sukea's staff, who very sweetly inform her that Sukea has ordered them to give her the royal treatment, all of which includes a massage, exfoliation, and mud mask for her face and entire body.

Sasuke finds her at around three in the afternoon as as she sips on a cold glass of cucumber water, one servant dutifully massaging her feet as another slathers a creamy pink concoction into her hair.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun," Sakura says serenely. "Having fun?"

Sasuke responds with his usual grunt, biting into a tomato as he does. She wrinkles her nose at him.

"Do you have any idea how frightening you look when you eat tomatoes like apples?" she asks, her voice only slightly agitated.

Sasuke takes another big bite out of the tomato, maintaining eye contact with Sakura the entire time. He smirks when she visibly shudders, then leaves.

The young girl combing the hair mask through Sakura's pink strands giggles softly, and Sakura peeks up to see the girl blushing.

"If it is not too forward of me to say, Sakura-sama —"

"Oh please, Emi, there is really no need for the honorific."

"— I think Uchiha-sama likes you," Emi finishes, giggling once more.

"We're teammates. He has to like me," Sakura says, humming in pleasure as Emi massages her scalp.

"I am sure you know what I mean, Sakura-sama," Emi says, wrapping Sakura's hair in a warm towel. "He is quite handsome."

"You should see his family," she says wryly. "It's an entire compound of pretty boys and girls with dark shiny hair and pretty eyelashes."

Emi giggles one more time before wiping her hands on a towel and massaging Sakura's arms. Sakura falls into a short but pleasant nap, waking only when she feels Emi rinsing the hair mask out with a jug of warm water. She keeps her eyes closed, sighing contentedly.

"You've got magic hands, Emi," she says happily.

"I'll be sure to let Emi know," a smooth tenor says above her, sounding endlessly amused.

Sakura's eyes snap open, and she blushes when she sees Sukea's handsome face above hers, upside down.

"Sukea-sama!" she squeals, scrambling to get up. He lays two gentle hands on her shoulders to stop her, and she acquiesces. "Do you do this for all your guests?" she asks teasingly.

"Only special ones," he says, smiling. He finishes rinsing her hair then gently coaxes her to sit up, winding a fresh towel around her hair it so that it sits on top of her head. "Did you enjoy yourself today, Sakura-taichou?"

He sits next to the reclining day chair, and mercifully, she is able to restrain a blush.

"I did. Thank you so much, Sukea-sama," she says, peering at him from under her eyelashes. Sakura's gaze rakes over his dreamy grey eyes, the sharp contours of his jaw line and cheekbones, the fullness of his bottom lip.

"Feeling nostalgic, Hana-chan?" he says, smiling softly.

"A little, Shigeo-kun," she says breathily, leaning in. "And a part of me has always wondered..."

The tip of her nose lightly grazes against the hollow of his cheek.

"Wondered what, Hana-chan?" he says, his voice getting raspier.

"...do you still look at my pictures? The special ones you took that one night?"

Sukea's breath fans across her neck, and she shivers.

"Remind me what happened, Hana-chan, then maybe I'll give you an answer," he purrs.

"With pleasure," Sakura says, then she bites down on his bottom lip before slipping her tongue into his mouth. He grabs her waist, drawing her closer to him to deepen the kiss, moaning when she runs her tongue over his teeth and —

"Aha!" Sakura exclaims, pulling away from him, green eyes flashing with triumph.

She grabs his hair and tugs sharply, cackling when the brown wig comes off to reveal a shock of silvery-white hair. Kakashi sighs.

"I can't believe you, Sakura-chan. Our first kiss happened when you thought I was someone else," he says, pouting mournfully at the wig in her hands.

"But I didn't think you were someone else. I knew it was you the whole time," she says, smugly depositing the wig into his lap.

"Maa, what gave me away?"

"Nothing," she says honestly. "You look and sound just like him." Then she smiles. "But I'm always going to know when it's you."

"How?" Kakashi asks, grinning at the bashful expression on her face.

She shrugs, keeping her eyes on her knees as she adjusts the towel around her hair.

"Just a feeling," Sakura says loftily before standing and stretching.

"A feeling you had to confirm by kissing me?" Kakashi asks, rising and looking down at her from his full height.

"I didn't hear you complaining about my methods earlier," Sakura points out archly.

"Why would I? I've been wanting you to kiss me since we were five years old," he says plainly, smiling widely at the pretty blush that dusts her cheeks.

Sakura laughs, meeting his gaze fearlessly.

"You're dangerous, you know that?" she says softly.

"Never to you," Kakashi murmurs, his eyes serious. "I always say what I mean and I always mean what I say. Especially to you."

Sakura nods, swallowing hard as she takes a step back.

"I know," she says, smiling shyly. "That's what makes you so dangerous in the first place."

She turns and walks to her room without another word, reveling in the giddy rhythm of her heartbeat. Kakashi stays in place, his lips tingling as he recalls the softness of her mouth on him, the languid movements her tongue made against his. His nose picks up the scent of ink, and he glances over his shoulder to see Sukea leaning against the wall.

"Were you successful?"

"To a degree," Kakashi says, shrugging. "But she only knew it was me because we've known each other for so long."

Sukea laughs quietly.

"Does she know? How you feel about her?"

Kakashi considers playing dumb, as he usually does when he wants to avoid a subject, but finds that he cannot bring himself to do so, at least not when the topic of conversation is Sakura.

"Yes."

Sukea smiles sadly.

"I hope you have better luck than me, Kakashi-kun. You know, I proposed to her at the end of that summer. I told her that she wouldn't want for anything ever again."

Kakashi raises his eyebrows.

"She was fifteen."

Sukea smiles good-naturedly.

"And I was seventeen, and it showed in my foolishness, thinking I could own a spirit like her for myself."

Kakashi cocks his head to the side.

"She mentioned photos that you took of her during one particular night."

Sukea laughs.

"She tricked you, nephew. There is only one, and I can show it to you right now."

Minutes later, they stand in Sukea's chambers, in front of a collection of lacquered boxes. He reaches for one all the way in the back of the shelf, his fingers leaving marks on the dusty surface. When he opens the box, a solitary picture sits on the velvet interior, It is a photo of fifteen year old Sakura laughing gleefully, a dollop of ice cream on her nose as she holds an empty cone in one hand and three scoops of ice cream the other. The pink of her hair stands out brightly against the backdrop of festival lights and colorful stalls, and the stars in the dark night sky collect above her head like a halo.

"I couldn't bear to look at this photo, not even in my weakest moments," Sukea says quietly. "It only reminded me of the unattainable, the most extraordinary-looking girl whose laughter sounded like music, the girl who could light up an entire desert at night with the fire in her eyes."

Suddenly, Kakashi understands why Sakura finds his words dangerous. The wistful poetry from Sukea's words ring true, but even infatuation has its roots — however shallow — in sincerity. The tension that Kakashi doesn't know he is holding in his chest finally dissipates, and he wonders, in the same way that Sakura can tell that he is Kakashi under his Sukea disguise, whether Sakura can tell that the love he holds for her has sunk itself too deeply into his bones for him, or her, or anyone to uproot.

Most of all, he wonders why such a thing would frighten the fiercest woman in the world, but for now, he pushes all these thoughts to the back of his mind, smiles at his uncle and says, "It's a beautiful photo, oji-san."

Sukea examines him with those soft grey eyes then hands the photo to him.

"Take it, Kakashi-kun. It's better in your care, I think."

Privately, Kakashi agrees, but he does the polite thing and says, "Thank you, oji-san."

Sukea claps a hand on his shoulder.

"It's time for dinner. Oh, and —" he widens his eyes conspiratorially, "— between me and you, I'm quite sure your Uchiha teammate also has his sights set on your taichou. You'd better beat him to the chase, nephew."

Kakashi thinks of Sukea's predilection for threesomes and bites back a laugh.

"Believe me when I say that I am doing my very best, oji-san."

The next day arrives, and Team Seven is a bundle of nerves. Sasuke is back at the training ground, hitting the targets with mechanical precision, and Kakashi has holed himself up in his room, citing the need to get in some extra reading before they leave for the party.

Skittish, despite the all-day pampering session from the day before, Sakura sighs loudly as she loosens her hair from her fourteenth attempt at an updo. A soft knock sounds on the door before Emi's sweet voice says, "Sakura-sama, do you require any assistance?"

Sakura closes her eyes and says, "Yes, please, Emi."

The girl slips into the room, her eyes taking in the various hair pins scattered all over the vanity.

"If you like, I can help you with your hair, Sakura-sama," she says, bowing gracefully.

Sakura smiles.

"That would be great, Emi. Thank you."

Within half an hour, the girl has styled Sakura's long hair into a high ponytail, curling the strands so that they fall down her back in graceful uniform waves. She leaves Sakura's bangs, allowing them to frame her face. Sakura tilts her head experimentally, marveling at the tantalizing bounce of her hair in the mirror.

"My apologies, Sakura-sama," Emi says, bowing again. "Had I known that you preferred a more practical hairstyle, I wouldn't have used the hair treatment on you yesterday. I hope this alternative will suffice."

Sakura stands and envelops the girl in a warm embrace.

"Don't you dare apologize to me for your magic hands, Emi. Thank you so much. I think I can take it from here."

The girl blushes, clearly pleased with the praise, and when she leaves, Sakura takes a slow meditative breath as she reaches for her makeup. She finishes within an hour, and when she is satisfied with the makeup coverage of her Byakugou seal, she knocks on Kakashi's door and says, "Earpieces in — let Sasuke know. I'm heading out."

"Copy that," Kakashi's voice sounds from her earpiece. It crackles slightly, so she wiggles it. "See you in two hours."

The mansion sits atop a steep hill, overlooking a dizzying view of the winding rivers below. Sakura grimaces at the sharp wind whipping at her face and hurries to the back entrance, which the escorts are instructed to use. The guards verify her papers with little more than a cursory glance then let her in, and she is ushered to a room filled with a kaleidoscope of the most gorgeous, most colorful people she has ever seen. Bizarrely, she feels like she belongs.

The escorts who make eye contact with her offer tentative smiles, and Sakura finds herself smiling back. One of them, a girl with teal hair, gestures to her hair and says, "Is it real?"

Sakura replies, "No, but no one else needs to know that."

She winks and the girls who hear her dissolve into easy laughter.

"It looks so natural on you!" a young man with lilac hair whines. "I had to dye my hair three times before I could get it a color that didn't wash me out."

The room explodes into a griping session, complete with insults aimed towards the clientele's bizarre requests, and Sakura allows herself to sink into the atmosphere. It is almost enough to do away with her nerves.

The girl with the teal hair notices and sidles up to her.

"First timer?"

Sakura blinks, surprised, then nods. The other girl nods back, sympathetic.

"We've all been there. Do you want a little help loosening up?"

In her palm is a tiny blue heart-shaped pill, and she offers it to Sakura. All too conscious that she cannot cycle this drug out of her system without the risk of revealing her chakra signature, she asks, "What does it do?"

"It doesn't mess with your mind too much, if you only take one," the girl says, shrugging. "It just relaxes your nerves and makes touches feel real nice, is all."

"It helps make the job easier," someone says from across the room. "Take two if you want a really fun time."

At Sakura's visible hesitance, the girl tucks it into Sakura's hand anyway, patting it closed.

"You don't have to take it if you don't want to, but at least keep it with you for when you've got a difficult client, just in case you change your mind. The effects kick in pretty fast. A minute, two minutes tops."

Numbly, Sakura nods and tears spring to her eyes. She looks at the teal-haired girl who, despite the jadedness in her brown eyes, cannot be a day older than eighteen, and shakily murmurs, "Thank you. My name is Hana. What's yours?"

"Kimiko," the girl says. "And don't sweat it; you can thank me by helping out the next newbie you see on the job."

Before retreating to a mirror, Kimiko smiles, and this is the only time it reaches her eyes. Sakura stares down at the pill in her hand then slips it into her backpack for safekeeping before putting it in an empty locker.

"Are you alright, taichou?" Kakashi's voice says in her ear.

Sakura blinks the tears away.

"Yes," she whispers, steeling herself as she joins some girls in taking off their clothes before they head towards the communal showers. "Tell me when you get here."

"That may take a while. Sasuke-kun has been fixing his hair for a half an hour now."

"That's not true," Sasuke grumbles, sounding extra snippy over the earpiece.

Sakura maintains a straight face but exhales sharply to let out some laughter before muting her microphone and grabbing a shower cap to cover her hair. An hour goes by, in which she has showered, moisturized, and dressed herself in a red lacy bustier, matching underwear, and a pair of towering high heels with strings that wind all the way to her upper thighs.

"We're here," Sasuke says.

Soon, a servant pokes her head into the room and instructs everyone to go to the main foyer. Sakura unmutes her mic with a tap of her tongue, slips the pill into her left bra cup, then walks out with the rest of the girls. It is easy to spot Kakashi and Sasuke, what with the purple face paint around Kakashi's eyes and the permanent scowl on Sasuke's face. They are talking to a tall, imposing man who looks a good twenty years their senior, and Sakura watches and listens over her earpiece with mild trepidation as she sees each of them holding three blue heart-shaped pills.

"Don't take more than one," Sakura murmurs, mimicking the other escorts who help themselves to the flutes of champagne floating around on trays.

"Bottoms up, fellas," she hears faintly through the earpiece. It crackles, and Sakura discreetly nudges the earpiece once more as she rubs the side of her neck.

Someone's joyful laughter booms through the room, and the sound echoes around the marble interior of the foyer. She smiles demurely at a wizened old man who looks her up and down then turns his nose up at her before grabbing a worryingly young-looking girl with light blue hair instead. Barely repressing a shudder, Sakura turns back to check on her boys, and sees them making their way towards her.

"Does that purple paint appear anywhere else on your body?" she asks softly in greeting, smiling slyly. She leans towards Kakashi and cupping her hand around her mouth and his ear, she whispers, "Please tell me you and Sasuke didn't take those pills."

"What? Why?" Kakashi asks, his breathing a little heavier than usual.

Sakura's stomach does a flip.

"Did you not hear what I said over the earpiece?" she whispers into his ear, goosebumps rising along her spine as he settles a hand on her waist.

"Mmmm, no," Kakashi says in Sukea's musical tenor.

With her tongue, Sakura taps the mic implanted behind her teeth and exhales sharply when she realizes that she has been muted the entire time.

"Ah, I can hear you now, Hana-chan," Kakashi murmurs, his fingers trailing feather-soft touches against her hips.

A party guest, double fisting glasses of champagne, eyes the three of them with great interest.

Kakashi, conscious of the eyes on them, clears his throat and says, "Allow me to introduce my dearest childhood friend, Shigeo."

Sakura's eyebrow twitches. Sasuke snorts, but his eyes trace the curves of her body appreciatively. Despite the panic rising in her throat, Sakura falls back on that sly smile. At the very least, she has to make sure that her boys remember the agreement they made as a team.

"Do you like what I'm wearing, Sukea-sama, Shigeo-sama?"

She takes their hands and presses their palms over the dainty lace, allowing them to stroke it.

"Yes," Sasuke breathes, his pupils dilated as his fingers sink into the soft flesh of her waist.

"I'm glad you approve, Shigeo-sama," she says, giggling softly. "I've always loved the color red."

Immediately, their hands retract from her body, and Sakura inwardly breathes a sigh of relief. She wonders if she can sneak the boys away to a private room, Sukea's infamous exhibitionism be damned.

"Shall we go somewhere a little quieter?" she says, batting her eyelashes.

She sees the confusion in their eyes, but as taichou, she calls the shots, and if the shots call for a change of plan, then so be it. She takes both their hands and begins to lead them to the stairs, but is stopped by the tall imposing man who gave Kakashi and Sasuke the pills.

"Sukea-kun! What's the hurry? I thought you and your friend wanted to put on a hell of a show," he booms in a loud baritone, holding up Sukea's camera.

Sakura's earpiece crackles one more time instead of transmitting the sounds around her, and her stomach does that flipping motion again. Out of all the times to end up with a faulty earpiece and mic set, this is above and beyond inconvenient, to say the least.

"Ah yes, of course, Kojima-sama," Kakashi says pleasantly. "Shigeo, do you have a location in mind?"

"The Crystal Dome," Sasuke suggests immediately, and when he leads them to it, Sakura understands why: despite being one of the elaborate stages primed for exhibitionism, it provides the most cover, only allowing any curious audience members glimpses of their actions only through the minuscule reflections in the millions of crystals that compose the dome-like structure. Should any of them use the code word, they could probably get away with simulating the necessary sounds and actions.

Probably.

"I'm not sure how to photograph this, Sukea-kun. Isn't it better for me to be inside with the three of you?" Kojima says, eyeing the Crystal Dome

"Don't sell yourself short, Kojima-sama," Kakashi says magnanimously, clapping a hand on the older man's shoulder. "I trust your artistic vision, and I'm certain that any pictures you take of the thousands of reflections of my friend and I worshipping this beautiful woman with our mouths will be masterpieces."

Blushing furiously, Sakura does her best to walk into the dome at a leisurely pace, grabbing another flute of champagne on the way. She downs the entire thing, sets the empty champagne flute down on a tray, then steps into the dome. Given the spotless surfaces of the plush mattresses and cushions, it looks like they are the first ones to use it. Sakura does her best not to grimace.

She turns to her teammates, nerves already dulled by the alcohol because despite Tsunade's best attempts to train it out of her the second she was of legal drinking age, Sakura remained a lightweight. But just because the nerves are dulled doesn't mean they aren't still there, so to alleviate some of that nervousness, Sakura leans on a shred of truth to carry her through her role.

So she looks at Kakashi and Sasuke, swallows when she sees the intensity in their eyes, and says, very honestly, "I've never done this before."

To her utmost horror, she hears her voice amplified outside the dome. The three of them freeze for a moment, eyes sweeping the crystal structure, and Sakura knows they are trying to locate the microphones. Imperceptibly, she shakes her head; there is no room for privacy or modesty here, and it would be beyond foolish to destroy the mics, especially if they are well-hidden.

"Don't worry, Hana-chan," Kakashi says, untying the sash around his waist and exposing the hard muscles of his torso as Sasuke shrugs off his robe, leaving him in a pair of loose black pants. "As long as we all communicate and take things slow, I'm sure we can make this enjoyable for everyone, especially for you."

Sakura trembles, the heady, throbbing sensation of arousal making her lightheaded. Sasuke reclines on one of the plush cushions, propping himself up on one elbow while he trails a finger down the middle of his abs.

"If you don't mind, Sukea-kun, Hana-chan, I'd like to watch first," he says, his voice silky.

Kakashi hums, cradling Sakura's face gently between his hands. She studies him intently, seeing the dark grey of his real eyes behind the lighter grey of the contact lenses he wears, staring at the makeup that expertly covers the beauty mark below his bottom lip, focusing on the slight bulge of his top lip where she knows his canines are. But most importantly, she focuses on the feel of his hands on her face; Kakashi's touches have always been heartbreakingly gentle, and that thought is all it takes for her to go in for a kiss.

It is not the same playful bite as their kiss from yesterday; this kiss is chaste, hesitant, a ghost on his lips. But when she pulls away to look at him, something feral has awakened in his eyes, and Sakura feels her pupils dilate as this time, Kakashi meets her in the middle for another kiss, and it is a violent clash of teeth and hot tongues melding against each other. She rips his robe off, running her hands over the sleek hard contours of his shoulders and down his arms, moaning softly against his mouth as his large hands grasp desperately at her waist.

She feels Sasuke scoot closer to them, and her knees wobble when she feels a hot tongue snaking its way up the back of her leg.

"What happened to just watching, Shigeo-kun?" Kakashi asks, his voice gruff.

"I didn't say I'd watch the whole time," Sasuke says snidely, biting down on her inner thigh. Sakura yelps, face flushed as she feels herself getting wetter from Sasuke's bite. He laps his tongue languidly over the spot where he bit her, then lightly touches his lips into the skin. "Did that hurt?" he asks. When she nods, Sasuke asks, "Do you want me to do it again?"

"Yes," Sakura says, dazed as Kakashi presses hot kisses down her neck and nudges the left strap of her bustier off her shoulder with his nose.

"You look so beautiful in this color, Hana-chan," he croons, licking right above her breast. He looks up at her in askance, and she knows what he is waiting for.

Sakura bites her bottom lip and says, "Thank you, Sukea-sama."

As Sasuke sinks his teeth into the soft flesh of her other thigh and flicks his tongue against her skin in lavish, circular motions, Kakashi slips his mouth over her nipple and sucks, growling low in his chest. It is too much for Sakura to take; she cries out, and the sound pierces over the speakers outside the dome, but the throbbing between her legs does more than enough to distract her from the intrigued murmurs surrounding the dome.

"Get down here," Sasuke commands them, tugging on Sakura's hips. She and Kakashi collapse onto the mattress, Kakashi settling to her left while Sasuke situates himself on her right. They press their hard bodies into her, hands and mouths and tongues skimming over Sakura's hot skin. She arches her back and presses her breast deeper into Kakashi's mouth, moaning. Every nerve is unbearably sensitive even to the lightest touch, and she cannot imagine what any of this must feel like on the tiny blue pill —

She gasps suddenly, feeling around her left bra cup for the pill and cursing softly when she finds it missing. As Sasuke nibbles his way down the smooth expanse of her toned stomach, sinking his fingertips deep into her outer thighs, Sakura looks at Kakashi with wide eyes, taking in his wildly blown out pupils, his harsh, guttural breaths, and the way he hisses every time she so much as breathes on him a little too hard.

Kakashi ate the pill, Sakura realizes, the dread putting a small damper on the arousal that ignites her body.

"What's wrong, Hana-chan," Kakashi asks, his voice far too low to pass as Sukea's. "Is Shigeo-kun not pleasing you? Do you need us to trade places?"

Sasuke scoffs before licking dangerously close to her center, drawing an involuntary shiver from Sakura.

"No," she gasps. "Please stay, Sukea-sama."

Making a strategic decision, she sticks her hand inside Kakashi's pants and squeezes at his erection. He alternates between cursing and moaning as she begins to pump her hand around his length, and under the noise he makes, Sakura desperately whispers in his ear, "You ate the pill in my bra. Are you okay?"

"Yes," Kakashi hisses, groaning loudly when his precum leaks down his shaft and lubricates her palm.

They hear Sasuke laugh to himself, and Sakura shivers again as his breath puffs over the sensitive skin of her inner thighs.

"Is that what we're doing now?" Sasuke asks, slipping one hand under his waistband. With his other hand, he runs a finger over the tiny slip of drenched fabric covering what was left of Sakura's modesty. She stifles a moan as his finger slowly drags itself over her clit. "Do you like how this feels, Hana-chan?"

Sakura is certain that she is going straight to hell when she looks straight into his eyes and breathes, "It feels so good, Shigeo-sama."

With the cockiest smile on his pretty face, Sasuke splays his left hand over her thigh to spread her legs further apart and asks, "Do you want to watch me eat you?"

Mesmerized, Sakura watches him pump himself under his pants, and in between trying not to drown under the intensity of Sasuke's attractive proposition and the feel of Kakashi's hard cock slipping deliciously in her hand, Sakura bites out, "You can both do whatever you want to me, but only if we move to the Red Room."

Kakashi stops thrusting into her hand, panting heavily, and true to form, Sasuke looks positively murderous, but this time, a dangerously attractive smirk takes over his face.

"Are you talking about the room with all the pretty knives?" Sasuke asks, leaning back on both hands to avoid touching her.

Sakura nods, her heart beating out of her chest, because Sasuke doesn't call anything pretty. Despite wanting to fulfill Inner's screechy demands to just let her teammates have their dirty way with her right then and there, Sakura is far too nervous about their unexpected drug consumption to fully let go. Kakashi slowly removes her hand from him as Sasuke stands, shrugging his robe back on but leaving it untied. He holds a hand out to Sakura to help her up, and she takes it, standing shakily and grimacing as the wet fabric of her underwear grazes against her swollen clit.

When she feels Kakashi settle his hand against her lower back, she nods at Sasuke and says, "Please lead the way, Shigeo-sama."

When Sasuke emerges from the Crystal Dome first, the crowd disperses, clearing a path for them. Kojima waves them over with Sukea's camera, smiling serenely as someone services him with their mouth.

"I'll admit, I was hoping for more of a complete performance, but you seem to be in a very accommodating mood this time, Sukea-kun," Kojima says thoughtfully.

"Look at her, Kojima-sama," Kakashi says, wrapping Sakura's ponytail around his hand and tugging to expose her neck. She complies, panting lightly out of her parted lips. "If she looked at you with those eyes and told you, with her pretty mouth, to drop to your knees and grovel for the chance to taste her, are you telling me you would say no?"

Kojima chuckles, eyes following Kakashi's other hand he traces a finger over Sakura's bottom lip.

"A fair point, Sukea-kun. Enjoy yourselves."

When they get to the Red Room, Sasuke unleashes a wave of killing intent, causing its occupants to scramble out. When Sakura glares at him disapprovingly, Sasuke merely shrugs and whispers under his breath, "No chakra, right?"

Sakura shoves Kakashi into the room before stepping in herself and shutting the door behind them, biting back a string of curses when she sees no locks for the door. She exhales loudly, then, pointing her finger at them, says in a steely voice, "Red."

Kakashi looks like a kicked puppy. Sasuke blinks lazily, running a hand through his hair.

"Now sit on the fucking bed and let me get those drugs out of your systems," she whispers furiously, her hands trembling when Kakashi flashes one of his real smiles at her.

"What happened to no chakra use?" Sasuke asks, adjusting his pants, presumably, to hide his erection.

"Theoretically, if we all continue to cloak our chakra while I break down the components of the drug in your bodies, I should be able to stay undetected," Sakura whispers, gesturing towards Kakashi. "I'll try you first."

She sighs, closes her eyes, and touches a hand to Kakashi's chest, ignoring the way it rumbles under her feather-light touch. She hears Sasuke get up from his seat on the bed to walk towards the collection of blades displayed on the wall, and soon, the melodic sound of metal being unsheathed rings out. She feels Kakashi's eyes focus intently on her face.

"Are you alright?" he asks quietly, his breathing and heart rate slowly going back to normal.

Sakura almost cries.

"How are you asking me if I'm alright when you're the one who accidentally consumed extra drugs off my body?" she says, her voice wavering.

"Because we just got very intimate with you and it's worth checking in to see how how you're feeling?" Kakashi answers wryly.

Sakura stays quiet, concentrating on eradicating the last of the drug present in Kakashi's bloodstream. When she is sure that it is gone, she throws her arms around him, pressing him tightly to her. She opens her mouth to say something but Sasuke claps a hand over her mouth and hisses, "Company's coming. Look busy."

Sakura glares back.

"If this has anything to do with the stupid drugs you took —"

"It does, because ever since taking them, I've been able to sense everything more acutely, including everyone's chakra," Sasuke hisses, eyes blazing, "and I can feel five strong signatures coming up to the door, so —"

He stops talking, then signs: Waiting outside. Listening?

The bed springs creak loudly when Sakura shoves Kakashi down onto the mattress, straddling his hips as she leans over him and arranges the blankets around them to hide the not naked-enough lower halves of their bodies. He looks up at her dazedly with his lips parted softly, and she second-guesses whether she truly did purge all the drugs out of his system.

"Tell me again how good I look in this color, Sukea-sama," she says in a low seductive voice that carries across the room.

"Exquisite," Kakashi breathes, so Sakura leans down to kiss him, moaning as he squeezes her thighs. Kakashi makes eye contact with Sasuke, signing: All targets killed post-coitus. Possible confrontation soon?

Sasuke nods, twirling the knife in his hands. He gets on the bed, sitting so that he is facing Sakura, and so that both his teammates see, he signs: Simulate intercourse to finish. See if they bite.

He slowly raises a hand to grip the base of Sakura's ponytail, then whispers, in her ear, "I've always loved the color of blood."

Sakura shudders.

"Show me, Shigeo-sama."

"I will," he says softly, tilting the knife so that it catches the light. "But only after you ride Sukea-kun until he comes inside you."

Sakura closes her eyes, willing the blush to go away, then starts rocking her hips exaggeratedly to slam the headboard against the wall. Kakashi grunts, his erection coming back with a vengeance and straining against his pants as Sakura's heated core grazes against him with each movement. The stiffness in Sakura's shoulders betrays her nerves, the awkwardness that seizes her throat and stops her from making any noises other than heavy breathing. Shoving his waistband down to reveal his cock, Sasuke begins to stroke himself again. He trails the tip of the blade down Sakura's back, humming when he sees the goosebumps that appear on her soft skin.

"How does Sukea-kun feel inside you, Hana-chan?" he says darkly.

"G - good," Sakura manages, blushing at the sight of him stroking himself. Sasuke nods, pressing a kiss into her shoulder, coaxing a moan from her.

"Now why don't you be a good girl and tell Sukea-kun how you're going to let me come all over your pretty face?"

Sakura's face is flushed again, but for an entirely different reason now.

"You think I'm pretty?" she asks, gasping when she feels Kakashi grip her hips once more. Instead of just squeezing this time, he grinds her down onto him, and the motion makes both of them groan loudly.

"So pretty," Sasuke murmurs, laying the blade flat against her collarbone, careful not to have the sharp edge facing her neck. "So pretty, so pink, so innocent-looking. I want to ruin you."

Breathlessly, Sakura faces Sasuke and tilts her head up towards his, and he swoops in with a slow, sensual kiss that is so unlike the ones she shared with Kakashi, but it lights up her nerve endings all the same. The effortless eroticism of Sasuke's kiss combined with the dizzying sensation of Kakashi grinding his rock hard cock against her clit through their clothes does her in; she surrenders to the slow-roiling orgasm, a breathless, high pitched moan escaping her as she rides it out. Kakashi growls out an emphatic "Fuck!" and when she feels his cock pulsating heatedly against her core, she knows that he has come too.

She feels Sasuke smirk against her lips before he deepens the kiss, pressing his thumb into the tip of the blade as it lays flat against her skin. He stiffens then gasps when the blade pierces his flesh, and with a few deft strokes of his hand, he grunts hoarsely, his seed spilling onto the sheets.

Spent, the three members of Team Seven collapse onto each other, breathing heavily. Sasuke drags Sakura so that she lays in the middle, a smug, satisfied smile on his face as he continues to twirl the knife in his left hand, blood still trickling from his thumb. Kakashi exhales, wriggling his legs and wincing at the stickiness around the crotch area of his pants.

Sakura raises her hand above their faces and signs, Still outside?

Yes. Waiting for us to sleep, Sasuke replies.

Shinobi? Kakashi asks.

Sasuke closes his eyes, focusing.

Chunin-level, at most.

They lay together for almost ten minutes, and Sakura almost starts relaxing. It is hard not to, when surrounded by the warmth of Kakashi and Sasuke's bare torsos, but suddenly, the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Her pupils dilate, and she readies herself —

The door slams open, the lights go off, the door slams shut. Only the quiet, efficient sounds of flesh slicing open, blood gurgling out of slit throats, and necks breaking can be heard, and when Sasuke turns the lights back on, he coolly takes in the dead bodies before him, eyes focusing on the fresh blood splattered across Sakura's face and body.

"Can we leave now?" he deadpans.

For the first time that night, Sakura laughs.

Naruto is waiting for them at the gates, and he waves enthusiastically as they get closer.

"My little babies! How could you go off on a mission without me?"

"We've gone without you plenty of times, sensei," Sakura says, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. "And if you still think we're your little babies, I don't think you would have been very happy with us going on this particular mission."

Naruto blanches.

"Oh no. Did the three of you lose your virginities on a mission?" he whispers in horror.

"Sensei!" Sakura exclaims as Sasuke's entire face goes red. Kakashi merely giggles.

"Maa, your age is showing, Naruto-sensei. Despite Jiraiya-sama's infatuation with it, virginity is an outdated concept," Kakashi says sincerely.

"How do you know that Ero-sennin —" Naruto interrupts himself with a dramatic gasp. "Are you old enough to be reading those books, Kaka-chan?"

"Sensei, we're not even teenagers anymore," Sasuke deadpans. "You threw up on Gai-sensei, then Iruka-sensei, then Neji at Sakura's twentieth birthday party. That was only about a month ago."

"Oh yeah," Naruto says, scratching the back of his neck. "Hinata-chan very kindly took care of me afterwards."

"I'm sure she did," Sakura murmurs under her breath, smirking to herself.

"What was that, Sakura-chan?"

"I said we should hand in our mission report, Naruto-sensei. We can meet you at Ichiraku!"

Naruto soon discovers that his students are sensei-ditching liars when Teuchi hands him a note from them, but the blond man visibly perks up when he reads the last line: As an apology, tonight's ramen is on us! Thank you for always supporting us, sensei 3

In the middle of his tenth bowl of ramen, Naruto's heart twinges for his poor students. It must have been a hell of a mission if it was enough to exhaust all three of them, he thinks with great affection.

Across Konoha, in the safety of her apartment, Sakura boldly tugs down Kakashi's mask with one hand and grips Sasuke's hair with the other as she declares, "The only way we all win right now is by losing that stupid challenge I set for us. You have two seconds to get naked before I change my mind."