Lydia
The soldiers left at first light the next day and the small group followed them at a safe distance ever since, galloping along the shoreline in the wake of the military vehicles before the soldiers suddenly veered off inland. Thanks to their large, heavy vehicles leaving deep, recognisable tracks, they were relatively easy to follow at a safe distance, however, and Caesar's group dogged the humans tirelessly.
Though that didn't mean that their internal problems were put aside.
Lydia still hadn't had a proper conversation with Caesar since that night they had had their fight, which meant she had been giving him the silent treatment for about six days now. It wasn't optimal, given their current quest, but every time their eyes would cross, that same sentence from that night echoed through her mind again and again – growing weaker, sure, but it was there all the same.
It still hurt too. Even if she was quite sure he hadn't meant it, it still hurt a lot.
Especially since she missed her son terribly. More so than when he had been gone with Blue Eyes and Rocket for these past two years. He had been with his best friend, then, and one of Caesar's most trusted apes to boot.
But now Blue Eyes was dead, and Rocket was here with Lydia, who was once again so very far away from her precious boy. She hadn't even had time to comfort him after he had just lost yet another important person in his life.
First Ash, then Roy in the span of a couple of days, and now Blue Eyes after a year of travelling and bonding…
It was thoughts like this which made her wonder if she should actually have done as Caesar had told her and stayed behind. Stayed with the colony and made sure her son was safe and didn't have to worry himself sick about her wellbeing…
My sons, she corrected herself, thinking of Cornelius. There was no point in shying away from the notion that she had become a mother for him now that Cornelia could not be here to fill that role… To take her righteous place, as it were.
It really had been an easier transition back when it had been Orion being handed to her. Mara had been a kind female, but Lydia really hadn't known her and hadn't had time to feel grief or guilt either. She had been forced to think about their continued survival after that fateful day and not speculate on whether or not she was even allowed to feel this motherly connection to the little ape in her arms.
And somehow, the fact that Roy hadn't been Orion's biological father had also helped. He hadn't had any attachment to Mara and her little one beyond the signing they had done in their cages, so there hadn't been any feelings of being 'the other woman' when they had started seeing each other in an increasingly more romantic light.
That had made it feel purer, in a way.
More innocent.
Simpler.
Lydia bit her lip as she felt guilt creep over her. A guilt which had been steadily growing for the past couple of days.
There was no comparing Roy and Caesar, she knew. The relationship with the former was completely different from this one. Roy had been calm, collected and even though he could get angry, he had been much more in control of his emotions and considerate of who would be on the receiving end of them. More so than Lydia herself, and definitely more so than Caesar, who, while not prone to take out his fury on just anyone within the vicinity, had a much more chaotic way of expressing himself when it came feelings like hurt and anger.
And yet, Roy had clearly been a dominant male ape in his own right, just as Caesar was. So similar and yet so different, which was probably why Lydia had managed to fall in love with both of them.
Caesar didn't remind her of Roy exactly because they were so different, while still being cut from the same material which she was so drawn to. Masculine, attractive, understanding and passionate.
It hadn't been easy for her to get over Roy's death – it had taken about a year, after all. But it had been shockingly easy to let herself fall in love with Caesar as the wound of her lost love's passing had healed.
She still missed Roy terribly, just like she knew Caesar missed Cornelia. You never do quite get over your first love, as the saying goes. Adding to that, Roy had always had a way of understanding her emotions and how to deal with them to a degree that Lydia wasn't sure Caesar would ever achieve. Roy had had the luxury of being alone with Lydia for over a year and even after they had come to the colony, he had still been able to devote much of his time solely to their relationship, unlike Caesar could, with the responsibility of ruling hanging over his head all hours of the day.
His time had never been exclusively for Cornelia to enjoy, and Lydia knew that it would never be for her either.
But the Ape King did try, and she could never fault him for that.
An inquisitive grunt beside her caught Lydia's attention, pulling her from her thoughts.
She turned her head to discover Rocket staring at her with worried eyes.
"You look lost." He signed simply, his dark face contorted into a gentle frown. "And sad."
Lydia shrugged easily. They had been riding hard for some time now but had had to give their horses a break by letting them walk at last. At this pace, they would probably reach the mountains within a week or two. It seemed to be the way the soldiers were heading, though for what purposes, Lydia didn't know.
"Only lost in thought, Rocket… And thinking about Orion… And Cornelius…" She spoke, her gaze shifting downwards at the two apes' names.
She wasn't about to tell him that she was also thinking about her relationship with Caesar – or that she had been comparing the Ape King with her lost love. It was an unfair comparison anyway.
The balding ape nodded gravely and reached over to pat her arm comfortably. Riding on her right side, he didn't have to worry about her injury as he pressed his palm against her clothed arm.
"Your Orion is a strong and smart ape."
She nodded at that, being well-aware of it.
"I just hope he isn't angry that I left him so soon after he came home…" Lydia spoke lowly, trying to keep the discussion private – a nearly impossible task when riding so close together, but she could at least pretend. "I feel like I should be in two places at once, sometimes…"
"I know this feeling well. It comes with being a parent." Rocket nodded in understanding. "Did he seem angry when you left?"
Lydia had to ponder that for a second, trying to remember. Orion hadn't protested when she had stated that she was leaving, but that didn't mean that it wouldn't have shown on his face if he had truly been angry about her decision…
But thinking back, she couldn't remember finding a single trace of anger or even irritation on his face.
"No… Not even a little, actually." She informed her friend and fellow council member, her tone thoughtful.
The balding ape nodded resolutely at that, as if having had his suspicions confirmed.
"Then you don't have to worry. He is smart, yes, but he does not hide his emotions well. Especially not from people close to him. You know this."
Lydia couldn't help but smile at that, knowing it was true. As a child, Orion had never been able to hide the guilt on his face when he had done something he knew wasn't allowed – not that that had happened often or anything. As an adolescent, he hadn't been able to hide his crush on Ivy either, even though he had tried his damned best.
And now, as an adult, it would seem like the honesty in his facial expressions still remained.
And Rocket was right, she knew. Orion hadn't been angry or disappointed with her at all, even if it would have been totally understandable if he had felt that way.
She shouldn't worry too much – at least not about Orion, anyway.
As if reading her mind, Rocket chuffed softly and began signing again.
"And Cornelius is in good hands. Tinker cares deeply for him too, and Lake would do anything to protect Blue Eyes' little brother… Just like Orion will."
He was right, of course. These last two years, Lydia had shared the motherly responsibilities with Tinker, especially seeing as Lydia was one of the colony's hunters and had to be out in the forest several hours of the day, leaving the ape female to take care of the little prince in that time. Then there was Lake, who's love for Blue Eyes had been true and fierce, even during his absence. There was no doubt in Lydia's mind that Lake would honour her lost love's memory by making sure his treasured little brother would be alright.
And then there was, of course, Orion, who Lydia knew had formed an even closer, brotherly bond with the elder Ape Prince before his untimely demise. She knew he would now do everything in his might to make sure that his late friend's brother wouldn't suffer the same fate, and who knew? Perhaps they, too, could end up having a brotherly bond one day, when all of this was over?
Lydia shot a thankful smile at the balding ape riding beside her. Sometimes, she needed to be reminded that there were indeed others who were perfectly capable of taking on the tasks she herself was unable to perform.
"Thanks, Rocket. I needed to hear that." She spoke gratefully, nodding at him. "I suppose I worry too much, sometimes."
He shrugged his broad, almost naked shoulders.
"I do too, but we must have faith in everyone. Especially the young – they are our future."
"Wise words from a wise ape." She commented with a soft smile, trying to lighten the mood.
Rocket was a good friend – had been so ever since Lydia and her strange family had arrived at the Ape Colony, as he had quickly formed a strong friendship with Roy. This had soon been extended to Lydia as well, as the apes had gradually become less wary of her and she had begun to talk more with Tinker.
"Rather, simple words from a simple ape." He replied with another shrug, though there was a hint of mirth to be found in his expression.
Lydia reached over and lightly slapped his arm in a playful manner.
"You're anything but simple, my friend. You're practical, which is not a bad thing at all."
"But I am not a deep thinker, you must realise." He answered, now with a knowing smirk on his face.
"Sometimes those who are spend so much time thinking that they never get anything done." She pointed out with an easy smile.
It was true that Rocket relied more on his brawn than anything else, but that didn't mean he wasn't intelligent or a great emotional support sometimes. His words of reassurance just now proved as much.
"And speaking of getting anything done." Lydia decided to change the subject, briefly turning her gaze to stare at the tracks ahead of them. Then, her eyes strayed towards Maurice's little human girl, who seemed to shiver slightly against the large orangutan's back. "How about we go on a short hunting trip once we make camp? We're running low on meat again, and I could use the skins."
The balding chimp raised a brow at her before his eyes briefly strayed down to the drying pelts already attached to her horse's rear but didn't say anything as he nodded his head.
She smiled at him then.
Rocket might not be a deep thinker, as he had put it, but he was definitely wise in his own way.
Later that evening, they were all sitting around the campfire, having just finished up eating the fish that Rocket and Lydia had managed to pull from a nearby stream. It had been a nice change from the usual rabbit meat with a side of roots, which Lydia was, admittedly, getting pretty sick of eating by now.
Hopefully, there will still be some birds for me to shoot around here, she mused as she worked the pelts between her hands.
It was getting steadily colder as they rode further and further north, and Lydia had now switched her thin jacket of tenderized hide out for the longer, thicker deerskin coat that she usually put on during the colder months of the year.
The season was changing again, after all.
The girl, however, had nothing to warm herself with and Lydia quietly cursed at herself for not thinking of that when they had been in a position to look for something back at the place they had found her. The jacket Lydia herself had discarded wouldn't be of much help, the woman realised and so, for the last couple of evenings, she had been working on a cloak for the poor child, made from the skins that were left after she butchered the kills she made along the way.
It wasn't much, honestly. She had been lucky to stumble past a single deer the other day, but otherwise there was nothing but a bunch of skins from the rabbits she usually managed to get a hold of. It was harder to hunt now, since Caesar only had them make camp late in the evening, forcing Lydia to hunt in the dying light of the sunset. She was certain she wouldn't have made half the kills she did if it hadn't been for Storm's impressive sense of smell and her ability to chase these poor critters until they collapsed from exhaustion.
It had been even harder to treat the skins properly while chasing the soldiers, and as a result, the material Lydia now had to work with looked far less impressive than what she usually had at hand. It was part of the reason why she had opted for a cloak rather than a coat for the girl, though Lydia also figured that this way, it could also be used as a makeshift blanket during the cold nights.
Besides, she didn't really have the time to work on a more intricate clothing article, so this would have to do until the opportunity to replace the cloak came along – whenever that may be.
And as of right now, Lydia was almost done with making the item, pushing the large bone needle through the pelts to finish up the very last seam.
She knew that the girl, while seeming permanently glued to Maurice, kept a close eye on what Lydia was doing.
And she also knew that while the others signed to each other in quiet conversation, Caesar was staring interchangeably between her and the child.
Staring with that same scathing, begrudging look that the Ape King had directed at the mute girl since the day they had found her. Staring at Lydia with those piercing, searching eyes like he had done ever since the night of their huge argument about a week ago. It was the same day in and day out since that time, really. When he wasn't glaring daggers at the child, he was shooting looks of concern towards Lydia.
And when he wasn't doing either of those, he was leading their group with a deep, determined frown on his face, seemingly having forgotten that either of the two even existed as he doggedly pursued his target.
That same urge to get between them still stirred within Lydia every time she noticed him directing his hard eyes at their group's youngest member. In fact, as the days went by, it only seemed to intensify. It was nothing like the maternal instinct she felt with Orion or Cornelius, but Lydia recognised it as protectiveness all the same. An almost primal urge to take care of this young, little thing, who seemed unable to defend herself.
It didn't make it any better that all Maurice seemed to do when he noticed the Ape King's stare was to give a deep grunt, almost as if to merely distract Caesar rather than call him out on his behaviour.
Then again, it was probably only Lydia who could get away with doing such a thing anyway, now that she thought about it.
And with that in mind, Lydia tied the seam she had been working on shut and cut the remaining, loose string, finishing the makeshift item of clothing between her fingers. It wasn't her best work, she would readily admit as she stared down at it, but it would serve its purpose well enough.
Putting her tools aside, Lydia got up and tentatively made her way over to Maurice and his little charge, keeping her movements calm and easy to read so that she wouldn't accidentally scare the kid. Lydia knew she hadn't been too forthcoming herself, and she still tried not to get too close to the girl, but that didn't mean she didn't have a heart. This little human hadn't done anything wrong so far and Lydia figured she might as well try and nurture some kindness rather than suspicion and hatred in the child.
Youngsters were very impressionable, after all.
"Here you go." Lydia spoke softly, invitingly, to the little girl as she crouched down beside her.
The woman purposefully put herself between the human child and the Ape King now, eyeing her lover with a direct, warning stare before she gently draped the makeshift cloak of rabbit skins around the girl's shoulders.
Ever since they had found her, Lydia had only looked directly into the Ape King's eyes a handful of times, and when she had, it had usually been brief stares.
But she looked now, and held his gaze, which seemed to pull him out of his grudging reverie.
Once Lydia turned back to the little girl, she found her to be busy brushing her small fingers ever so gently across the cloak of animal pelts, her movements almost revering.
The pelt from the deer Lydia had killed three days ago made out the back and was sure to reach down to the back of the girl's calves. The rest of the item was entirely made out of rabbit pelts, making out a hood she could pull over her head and a front part held together by pieces of bone pulled through loops of roughly hewn threads. Basic, but functional.
Maurice made a soft, fond-sounding rumble and thanked Lydia, while Rocket and Luca looked on at the interaction, nodding in quiet approval.
Lydia could already sense that the gorilla in particular was developing a soft spot for the little girl, as he had begun to offer her a part of his share of food when the group stopped to eat. He would never admit it, though, always maintaining a tough-guy façade when, deep down, the silverback was a big softie, really. He had always been playful with the ape children, as well as Lydia's dogs, who always knew to go to Luca for treats at the end of meals back at the colony.
The human woman suspected he enjoyed the simplicity of being with children and animals. They were just easy to be around and didn't come with the same expectations and complicated issues adults oftentimes did. Lydia could understand that well enough.
For the first time so far on their journey, the girl smiled as she tilted her head up to stare at Lydia with big eyes full of gratefulness she wasn't able to express verbally. That didn't stop her from trying anyway, though it came out as breathy, raspy huffs. Nothing Lydia, or the apes, could make sense of.
But contrary to the other times the girl had attempted to speak to Lydia during these last couple of days, the adult human resisted the urge to draw away awkwardly from the child, choosing instead to just smile back and shrug.
"Don't worry about it." She shook her head at the girl, settling down on the ground beside her and Maurice instead of crouching. "And if you get cold in the night, just pull this on too."
Lydia made sure to sign while speaking, as she usually did with the apes, before she pulled out her thin jacket from her backpack, patting it to show the child that it was alright. The girl didn't know sign, but if she was going to stay with the apes like Lydia did, then they better start teaching her how to communicate properly.
Either way, the child nodded in understanding, offering Lydia one last, soft smile before she snuggled up against Maurice's arm, looking more content than the woman had ever seen her as she burrowed into her new piece of clothing.
Lydia knew Caesar was wide awake. Knew he had been for a long time every night for the last six days and she also knew it was because he had been waiting for her to get up and leave so that he could follow her into the night – like before. One or two times, he had even walked off himself, though Lydia hadn't followed. She hadn't been ready for the talk she knew they would have to have.
She still didn't feel entirely up for it, to be honest, lying with her back to the dying campfire, her sleeping skins pulled tightly around her still-clothed form. She would have to get hold of some more soon, she mused absent-mindedly as she tugged at the edge of her sleeve, before a rustling sounded behind her and she heard soft footsteps approaching.
She knew it was the Ape King without having to turn her head and look.
She did it anyway.
His hulking form loomed above her like a dark, menacing shadow, and he stared down at her with a serious expression.
"Come." Was all he said as he inclined his head towards the darkness away from the campsite, his voice leaving no room for argument.
Lydia did anyway, just to be spiteful.
"Why?" She asked, annoyed by his brevity. His tone hadn't been particularly inviting either, but tense and almost commanding, as if he was merely speaking to yet another subordinate ape right now.
She stayed put on the ground, staring up at him with an unimpressed look. And here she was only just starting to get warm and drowsy…
Caesar pursed his lip, casting a brief look at their companions, who all appeared to be sleeping soundly. Lydia envied them for this – it was late as all hell and she should be sleeping too. And she would be sleeping, if it wasn't for the fact that her mind was noisier than ever before since they had left the colony.
And to make matters worse, when she finally did manage to fall asleep, she would more often than not wake up again several times, startled awake by yet another bout of troubled dreams.
She wasn't sure if it was the soldier's attack, stress from leaving the colony or her feud with Caesar which was the cause of this development – most likely, it was all of it put together, but Lydia didn't want to think too hard on that.
When the Ape King's eyes found hers once more, they were almost begging.
"Lydia, please…" His gruff voice whispered urgently. Brokenly.
He had said the same that night when she had turned to leave, too angry and hurt to even look at him then. She was still angry, if she was honest with herself. That was why she hadn't spoken directly to him since that night, and barely looked at him either.
Not until tonight, that is, as she had shot him that warning stare, silently telling him to back off from the girl.
Maybe that was what had prompted him to get over and tell her to come along?
Lydia sighed in an almost hopeless manner, readying herself for the cold as much as whatever Caesar had to say before she pulled off the skins keeping her warm.
The air stung, even though she was still wearing her coat. She would have to pull on her grey hoodie underneath it one of these days, or she would get frostbite as it got colder – as it surely would.
"Fine." She spoke in resignation as she got up, pointedly ignoring the hand he offered to help her. "Lead on."
She knew she was probably being more clipped with him than what was necessary and honestly, she hated the situation they were currently in, not knowing where the other one stood. The uncertainty and the dancing around each other every day was getting tiresome. As were the fact that Rocket, Maurice and Luca all kept asking her when she and Caesar were back to talking to each other again.
But now, spurred on by the fact that Caesar himself had approached her first, Lydia had decided that it was time the two of them at least tried to talk things out.
He led her away from the relative safety of the campsite and the warmth of its dying embers, through deepening snow and dark trees, the low light of the waning moon being the only light to guide them. The way the Ape King walked was stiff and had a slight air of impatience about it, which in turn made Lydia herself uneasy – and even more so when he finally came to a stop and turned to face her.
They were standing in a small clearing between a cluster of pine trees, the only sound around them being the distant howl of a lonesome coyote. The snow dampened any other noise, which made it eerily quiet all around the two.
There wasn't even anywhere Lydia could sit, so instead she just stood there, stiffly, in front of her lover, feeling vulnerable under his penetrating gaze like she never had before in all her years of knowing him.
He kept a respectful distance, which was unusual in itself.
Ever since they had begun this little secret of theirs, he had never missed an opportunity to be close, almost to the point of being encompassing. It hadn't mattered if they had been caught up in the throes of passion, just having an easy conversation or having a heated discussion – like the one after she and Ivy had been attacked in the forest.
Caesar had always come close, underlining his words with firm, but loving holds or soft caresses, depending on the occasion.
Now, however, it was like he was keeping himself from her. As if he didn't know how to approach her like he normally would. As if he was afraid that he might do something to hurt her – again.
She was long past the grab he had made for her arm that night. It had been an accident, a moment of desperation. She had forgiven it even before Maurice had inquired about it the next day, the only reason she had mentioned it to the orangutan in the first place being a way to avoid the real issue. The thing she still had a hard time truly forgiving Caesar for.
His words that night.
"So…" Lydia started, raising a brow expectantly at the Ape King. Had he dragged her all the way out here in the middle of the cold night for them to just stare at each other?
Caesar, meanwhile, drew in a heavy breath, his chest expanding before he did a mighty exhale, seeming to almost deflate with it.
He looked hardly at the ground for only a brief moment before his gaze lifted to find her own, his green-and-golden orbs swimming with guilt and frustration.
"I… I wanted to speak with you, finally… To apologise." Came his gruff voice, dark and deep as always.
It didn't have the effect on her it usually did, which was a pleasant stirring in her abdomen and a skipping beat of her heart.
Now, all it did was making her scoff and cross her arms over her chest.
"Oh, what for?" Lydia spoke with just a hint of a sneer. "For hurting me physically or for telling me that my son isn't really mine and never was? Or perhaps you have some other cruel truth you want to throw in my face, now that you've had time to think about it?"
She hated saying it, but at the same time it felt good to get to throw her frustrations at him. Let him know how much he had hurt her.
"I didn't mean that." He spoke, looking somewhat pained by the accusation. "You know I didn't."
She eyed him critically. It wasn't like she wanted to continue fighting, and she was honestly relieved that he, in the middle of his rage-fuelled quest for vengeance, had had the sense to pull her aside an apologise (the late hour not taken into account).
She just needed him to understand how horribly he had fucked up. How much he had truly hurt her and how much he had tested their relationship – how much he was still testing it, even now.
"Do I, now? Because it came quite promptly from you that night. Almost like you didn't even have to think twice about it." Lydia challenged, resisting the way her throat wanted to close up on her already.
He shook his head as his frown deepened.
"I can't tell you why I said it like that. Or why I said it at all… Only that I was angry and that I didn't mean it. Not one word."
Lydia sighed tiredly, moving her gaze away from Caesar's own to stare at the ground with a frown on her face. It was just as much to resist the urge to tear up as it was to consider what he had said.
"I wish I could believe that so easily, Caesar…" She spoke softly, biting her lip anxiously. She wanted to, desperately so – she still loved him, after all. "But this just… It went really deep, you know…"
"I know… and I regret it just as deeply, Lydia…" Caesar spoke with a look of obvious guilt on his face. He then raised his hand, scratching agitatedly at the birthmark on his chest. "I am just frustrated."
"Well, you're not the only one. It's like I don't even know you anymore, sometimes." Lydia answered with obvious hurt in her voice, though she was careful not to let it break.
Caesar shook his head at her then, his nostrils flaring as he huffed.
"It is not only that." He managed to grind out, his expression agitated and rueful all at once. "I am frustrated because I wish to speak with you, but I can't. Because I know I broke something I don't know how to mend."
He reached out for her, though his hand stopped to hover mid-air, several inches from her cheek. As if he didn't know if it was okay to even touch her anymore.
It was Lydia's turn to shake her head as her heart ached inside her chest.
"Not broke, just… damaged." She corrected him gently, though she didn't make any move to welcome his attempt at physical contact.
His hand retracted a fraction, his fingers curling slightly, though he let it linger in the air just to the side of her face. He seemed to be considering if it was okay to touch her right now – something he hadn't done when alone with her for over a year now.
"Broken or damaged, the problem remains." He spoke with knitted brows and a hint of shame in his voice.
"Yeah… and I think it will for some time…" Lydia informed him, sighing only for it to turn into a soft gasp as his fingers reached forward to rest against her cheek as he pulled her forward.
"Caesar…!" She spoke warningly, thinking he was going for a kiss – something she wasn't quite ready for, even if he had apologised.
She was still hurt and needed some time to process all of this – and they still hadn't resolved the argument that had led to this entire thing in the first place. The one about Caesar just up and leaving like he had, and Lydia going after him.
Instead of a kiss, however, Caesar merely pulled her forehead against his own – still an intimate gesture, but one she could handle. A heartfelt and innocent one that spoke more words than a kiss ever could.
She managed to relax after a few seconds, sighing again, more heavily this time, as her heart settled back into a steady rhythm.
"Lydia, you know I think you are a good mother." He spoke imploringly, his voice practically begging her to believe him. "I have never thought otherwise."
After witnessing him being constantly on edge and closed-in on himself for so long now, it was almost foreign to have him speak to her now with so much heartfelt emotion in his deep, dark voice. Hell, it was almost strange to have him talking to her at all, after so many days of silence.
"Don't say that, Caesar. Don't say that if you don't mean it."
"But I do… You are a good and true mother. Not just to Orion, but to Cornelius as well… That is what I truly feel."
He didn't kiss her. Didn't move in to embrace her. He just stood there, with his forehead against hers, breathing with her. Feeling with her. Being with her.
Lydia appreciated it. Part of her longed for him, even if she was hurt and angry and disappointed in him. That part wanted to find comfort with him now, to lean in and bask in his presence like she hadn't done for weeks.
But another part of her, a bigger part, still insisted that he wasn't off the hook just yet, and that she definitely wasn't ready for close contact after what had been going on up until now.
Caesar seemed to realise this, or perhaps he was of the same mind, Lydia couldn't quite tell, but at least he wasn't so far gone that he couldn't read her signals or respect her boundaries.
That was promising in and of itself.
After what seemed like several minutes to Lydia, he pulled away and took a short step back, an unreadable expression on his face. One that seemed to hold both curiosity, trepidation and just the barest hint of confusion.
"You have even begun to act as such with the child. Standing up for her." The Ape King spoke, though Lydia couldn't discern the emotions behind the tone he was using just then. Was it accusatory? Perhaps intrigued?
Either way, she shook her head.
"I just don't think she deserves those stares you give her. She's been through enough already, I can imagine, and it's not like she can talk back, now can she?"
"And the skins?" Caesar pressed, ignoring her question as he raised his brow almost expectantly. Where was this coming from now?
Lydia shrugged. Why did she have to explain her reasons for interacting with the child? For helping her? Why did Caesar even have a problem with this kid to begin with?
"It's getting cold. Just because she's not my child doesn't mean I don't care." Came her truthful reply
"She is a human." Caesar spoke matter-of-factly, as if that was all the explanation he needed.
It wasn't.
Lydia moved her arms to stuff her hands down her coat's pockets to warm them, just a bit, and eyed the Ape King with a raised, slender brow.
"So am I." She spoke with the beginnings of a confused grimace appearing on her face. What was this supposed to mean? Why was this suddenly a problem? He had been mating with one for the past year or so, after all. "What of it?"
"The man with her was a soldier. She is from their group. The Colonel's. You saw the mark on his neck."
Ah, so that was the issue. At least part of it. The girl seemed to represent that which Caesar was chasing… That which had brought him so much pain.
Lydia shook her head at the Ape King, sighing.
"They were clearly not with the soldiers anymore when we found them and either way, she's just a child, Caesar." She argued, though in a gentler, more imploring tone than the one she had used when the chimp had first dragged her here. "She wasn't the one to pull the trigger that night."
Lydia knew saying that last bit was a daring move, and she immediately feared triggering the argument about why Caesar had left all over again. That was one direction this conversation did not need to take, now that they had finally started to at least talk about what had happened between them.
And yet she felt like it had to be said either way. Caesar's animosity towards this poor child was ungrounded, seeing as she was completely innocent of the crime Caesar had set out to avenge in the first place. She was clearly just a poor, innocent kid caught in a desolate, unforgiving world of bloodshed and even though Lydia still felt awkward around the little human, the situation she came from still managed to resonate with the woman. She had been in a similar situation once, many years ago, and she hadn't even been this young when it had happened to her.
She did also speculate that his animosity might also have something to do with him feeling it somehow unfair that this helpless human child was alive when his own son wasn't, but Lydia wouldn't open that Pandora's box tonight by asking.
The Ape King, instead of getting angry – like Lydia had almost expected him to – seemed to consider her words carefully.
"I know this, Lydia… It is just that… she is-"
"She is what she is, Caesar. Just like me." She was quick to remind the ape, reaching up to rub her arms – the night was chilling her skin, even underneath her shirt and coat. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe, if we showed her some kindness, there's a chance she would return it? That she wouldn't end up like the soldiers? That she could be one of us?"
Caesar pursed his lips at that, and Lydia could see in his eyes that the thought must have also crossed his own mind at least once – especially when one considered the fact that he didn't immediately reject the notion.
He seemed to concede, at last, with a nod of his head and a heavy exhale.
"Perhaps…" He spoke gravelly before looking up once more and staring with uncharacteristic uncertainty into Lydia's eyes.
"Lydia… I must know… Are we-? I mean, will you speak again now, at least?" Caesar asked carefully, taking a tentative step closer as he reached forward with his hand. He seemed to be waiting for her to take it. To accept him back into her good graces – or at least begin to do so.
She hesitated for only a fraction of a second, thinking it over. She was still mad about what he had said, that's for sure. But he had apologised now and what was more, he did seem to mean it as well. His mind might still be clouded with thoughts of vengeance, but it was reassuring to know that he still had a conscience.
His hand was comfortingly warm as she grabbed it, and he squeezed her offered limb gently once it was enclosed within his own.
Lydia didn't verbally confirm anything, but she figured she didn't have to. The fact that she had reached out and reciprocated his gesture seemed to be enough, as Caesar's shoulders visibly slackened as the tension dissipated.
They didn't speak at all of the argument that had caused all of this in the first place, sensing it wasn't the time for that just yet. It would have to wait for another night.
Now had been a time to apologise, and Caesar had done that as best as he could.
After this, Lydia knew it was up to her how long it would take for her to fully believe it.
But this right here… This was a start.
