A/N: I'd like to thank my betas: AlEmily360, SapphireTrafficker, tigerlilycorinne, AshenMoon42, Lesbian101, Shiuanc2, and LadyHW.
Things were going back to normal. Annabeth went to class. She did her homework. She hung out with Piper. She visited Hazel at the coffee shop. She spent time with Percy. She texted Leo, but he didn't respond.
She also spent as much time as she could with Thalia. They reminisced about the days they spent together, back when they were teens. They listened to old music (lots and lots of Green Day), and bonded over memories of rebellion and exploration. Annabeth had to keep reminding herself that, although it had been many years for her, to Thalia it felt like only yesterday.
Annabeth felt pulled between the old, teenage her, and the person she had spent so long growing into. It was confusing, and she wasn't sure she wanted to spend the little time she had left going backward.
:::
Spring came slowly, and then all at once. One day she woke up, and the sun shone through her window and yellow daffodils began to poke through the dark soil beside the walkways. As the weather warmed up, Annabeth was reminded of the nearness of her timer date. Her mother called her about flower arrangements ("white lilies are traditional, but I know sunflowers are your favorite"), her dad emailed her about visiting before her last days, and Piper kept giving her significant looks when Annabeth took her shopping for her burial outfit.
But even so, it was hard to focus on, or even care about her impending death when Percy was right there. When he smiled at her, when he brushed gentle kisses against her lips, when he buried his face in her neck when they were…
And now, eyes closed, sleeping peacefully across from her, wrapped in pristine white sheets, his chest slowly rising and falling, she felt something inside her blossom.
"I know you're looking at me," Percy said, eyes still closed. Annabeth averted her eyes and feigned ignorance.
"I wasn't," she said. He opened her eyes and looked at her.
"Shoot, really? Damn, I was gonna make that a really cute moment," he said, grinning as he rubbed the sleep from one of his eyes. Annabeth rolled her eyes and smiled, blushing. Percy narrowed his eyes at her, studying her facial expression. "Wait—ha! I knew it, you were!" he said triumphantly.
"I wasn't," Annabeth insisted, laughing lightly. She tried to sit up, but a strong arm pulled her back under the covers.
Green eyes crinkled as they stared at her. "You're a terrible liar."
"Am not."
"You are," Percy said, "You have a tell."
"And what is it?" Annabeth asked.
"You like me too much. You only want to tell me the truth." Percy smiled broadly and let her sit up. Annabeth faced away from him and put her hair up. She knew Percy was joking, but she couldn't help her rising pulse as her mind reminded her of all the things she really was hiding from him.
"You don't even know the lies I've told," she said, her guilt forcing the words out of her mouth. Percy sat up behind her and she felt the mattress dip.
"Yeah?" he said, his voice different in a way she couldn't place. "Like what?"
Annabeth forced the negative thoughts to the back of her mind and quickly turned around, grabbing his bare shoulder and pulling him into a kiss. "Like… you don't have terrible morning breath?" she said, forcing a laugh as he lightly pushed her back and moved to the bathroom, shaking his head.
Annabeth walked into the kitchen, shrugging on a shirt and sweatpants. Turning on the stove and cracking eggs into a buttered pan, she avoided thinking about the things she didn't want to think about. She had a bad habit of ruminating on things that made her miserable, but right now, in Percy's brightly lit kitchen, she didn't want to feel miserable. Compartmentalizing isn't helping either, Piper's voice rang in her head. It's the best I can do, she told it.
"Hey, hey, hey… let me do that." Percy's voice came from behind her before he nudged her away from the frying pan.
"I can make eggs," Annabeth grumbled, stepping away.
"I know, but not as good as me," he said, throwing a smile over his shoulder. "You always overcook them."
She mumbled something about not wanting them to be raw, before moving to grab plates and silverware and put them on his dumpster table, moving some piles of scribbled in notebooks to do so.
"What do you want to do today?" Percy asked, scooping the fried eggs off of the pan with a spatula and setting them on a paper towel. He popped some bread in the toaster and then looked at Annabeth curiously when she didn't answer. "Movie? Zoo? Museum? Candle shopping?"
"Yeah, let's do that," Annabeth said, absentmindedly. She stared down at her phone. A text, from Thalia. She'd sent a picture of her and Luke smiling together and impossibly close. Underneath, she'd written "Come hang out with us, just like old times"
"Candle shopping?" Percy asked, coming over to grab the plates and look at her phone over her shoulder. "Eww, that guy."
Annabeth turned her phone off and set it down. "Yeah." She sighed. "Eww." It was much more than that, but she didn't want to tell Percy about the concern bubbling up inside her. She just wanted to have one good day. "And let's do all of them. Movie, museum—candle shopping first."
He grinned and set the plates down, biting into his eggs on toast. "Sounds good." He moved the notebooks from his chair and onto the floor before sitting down beside her. "That was your friend Thalia in the picture, right?"
"Mm, yeah," Annabeth said, taking a bite of her own toast. Percy was right—he was better at cooking eggs than her.
"Crazy about Jason being her brother."
"Yeah," Annabeth said again.
"And it's too bad that as soon as she wakes up, he's moving away."
That caught Annabeth's attention. She put her food down. "Moving away?"
"Yeah, he's transferring schools." Percy gave her an odd look. "I thought Piper would have told you. He got into UC Berkeley in November."
Piper had barely talked about Jason, which was definitely unusual. Annabeth hadn't really been paying attention and any time she asked Piper about her life, she brushed her off. "She didn't," Annabeth finally said.
Percy frowned. "Is everything okay?"
She nodded quickly, and then to distract him, asked, "How do you know this?"
"Hmm, I thought I told you. Jason's in one of my classes. Nice guy...a bit...bro-y," Percy said.
Annabeth laughed, glad that Percy broke the tension. "That's what I thought about you at first, you know."
"No—seriously?" Percy asked, eyes widening.
"What, like you didn't have any wrong ideas about me?"
Percy leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Not anything that wasn't true."
Annabeth leaned forward, resting her elbow on the table. "Oh yeah? Like what?"
Percy leaned forward again, and suddenly he was in her space. She could see the freckles dotting his nose bridge, faint after months of cloudy weather. "Well, I thought you were beautiful," he said, smoothing his hand over her head. "And kind of scary."
Annabeth smacked his shoulder. "I am not scary!"
Percy just laughed, a full and joyful thing. "See! Scary," he said, but his voice was fond.
:::
Later, as they washed dishes side by side—Annabeth scrubbing and Percy drying—she reveled in their domesticity. When she was younger, before she really understood what the trajectory of her short life meant, she'd had dreams of growing old with someone. Everyone always told her to make every moment of her short life count. When they said this, they meant by doing exciting, bucket list things, but it was this quiet moment, standing next to Percy, the two of them silent but for the running water of the sink that put every one of their suggestions to shame.
:::
Annabeth sat her Citrus Zest candle on her desk, adjusting the stuff around it to make room. She shuffled through her drawers looking for some matches. Upon not finding any, she sighed and took the cap off the top of the candle, and inhaled. It had been a great day. Maybe a perfect day. So why was she feeling so… empty?
She knew why. It was stupid of her to be confused—it was always the same reason. Reasons. And she knew it was her fault. If she would just do something. Anything. But she never did. She just sat in her dark room, pathetically sniffing a candle she couldn't light.
She texted Piper.
Annabeth- Hey
She waited a few minutes but got no response.
She texted Thalia.
Annabeth- Hey
Instead of waiting, Annabeth thumbed through her contact list. Her finger hovered over Percy's name, but instead, she scrolled past him. She spotted Leo's contact and her previous unanswered text.
A: Hey Leo, how's it going
Annabeth recalled her conversation with Piper. She didn't know the exact date of Calypso's death, but she knew it could be any day now. It could even be today.
Annabeth- I'm here for you if you need me
She knew it wasn't enough, an almost empty gesture from an almost empty girl. She hoped he would respond anyway, but she had a feeling he wouldn't.
She got a text notification from Thalia.
Thalia- Hey, wanna come to this
Annabeth waited a few seconds until a link popped up under Thalia's message. She clicked it and let it load. It seemed to be a Facebook event for… a timer rally. To be precise, an anti-timer rally. Annabeth remembered them from when she was a teenager following Luke and Thalia around. Timer rallies were addicting in their chaos and passion. It was hard not to get caught up in the righteous anger and anti-capitalism at a Timer rally. The problem with Timer rallies was… that they were right. Timers were bad. Timers often made life worse for many, many people. It wasn't good that a corporation ran all of their lives like this, but it was in the accuracy of this that people got caught up in bad decisions. It's one thing to fight oppressors, but another thing altogether to purposely hurt yourself in doing so. Thalia had been near-obsessive before her coma, and the rhetoric of the gatherings, while often correct, wasn't healthy for her. It was after a timer rally that Thalia had…
Annabeth considered the invitation. If she went with Thalia, she might be able to soften the edge and keep Thalia from falling back into her old ways of thinking. But selfishly… Annabeth didn't want to go. She remembered what she was like when she used to go to those rallies. She was angry and impulsive and discontent with the world. She was still discontent and sort of angry at the world, but she could handle it better now. She was mostly happy with herself now, and she didn't want it ruined. Plus… Luke would be there.
She pondered his role in this. Would Luke hurt or help? She believed in his love for Thalia and that he would never let her get hurt again, but she knew that Thalia was hard to tame, and often the more you pushed, the more she fought back. Luke didn't have a particularly soft touch.
She made up her mind.
Annabeth- Sorry, I can't :/
Annabeth wanted to do anything for Thalia, but there were certain lines she had to draw for her own sake.
Thalia- too bad
Thalia- maybe next time
Annabeth sighed. She hoped not.
She checked for a text from Leo. She hadn't gotten a notification, but maybe….nope. There was nothing. She thought to text Piper but realized she already had. Damn.
She opened her laptop and scrolled through Netflix, settling on something brainless. She found herself rubbing the bandage on her wrist. She looked down at it. Percy had put a sticker of a shark on it ("To remind you of their importance to the ecosystem," he'd said) and she took it off, placing it on her laptop. Then she took off the bandage and looked at her wrist. For a second, it looked the same as it had her whole life—numbers counting down, so abstract it would be hard to believe they were seconds of her life if she hadn't been living by that fact for years. But then her heart hiccuped when seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into days, and days turned into months, and finally, finally, months turned into the years she never thought she'd get.
She'd spent the day with Percy, so it made sense that it would be like this, but it still startled her to see. That had been hours ago. This was the longest the time difference had lasted, but what did it mean? She had all of the questions and none of the answers. Maybe she should go to the rally just to protest what a shitty device this is! her mind screamed. There was the anger she tried so hard to push down. It was hard to not be angry when it seemed like tragedy had been implanted into her at birth.
Concentrate on the movie, concentrate on the movie. Her mind did not want to concentrate on the movie.
She opened her texts again. Nothing from Piper, nothing from Leo. Why do I feel so restless? As she scrolled more and more through her recents, she stopped at an unopened text from months earlier.
Nico- I'm here if you need to talk.
She couldn't even recall getting it, or even giving Nico her number. But she remembered meeting with him, and the relief it brought her to know that she wasn't alone in her struggles. He was one of the few people who knew about her timer and he was a self-described expert on malfunctions. Annabeth felt bad as she realized that she hadn't seen him in person since…. since the fall semester. Since she and Percy had worked on that story for English. They hadn't even been together then. She remembered his promise. Anytime. She wondered if it was too late...
Annabeth- Can we still talk
:::
Annabeth stood in front of Nico and Will's place, nervously texting Nico to let her in. The chilly spring wind turned her cheeks pink and blew hair loose from her messy bun. She thought about turning around and just leaving. It was a shitty thing to do, but she knew that talking with Nico would just force her to confront the things she had been most avoiding…
Instead of being buzzed in like last time, the door opened and Nico stood at the entrance. He was small and scruffy, bundled up in an out-of-place yellow sweater and fuzzy black knitted socks.
"Oh, you're here," he said, almost sounding surprised. "You can come in." He turned around and headed back into the building, leaving the door open as an invitation for her to follow.
"Is Will here?" Annabeth asked, closing the door behind her and following him up the stairs.
Nico shook his head as he opened the door to his flat. "No, he's at the library cramming for the MCAT." He settled onto a chair at the dining table, moving an open box of Rice Krispies out of the way for Annabeth to sit in the chair across from him.
"Oh," she said awkwardly. She hadn't really expected Will to be there the whole time, nor had she wanted it (she wasn't sure how much Will knew about her situation, but the fewer people the better). Even so, she had anticipated his presence and the buffer created by his sunny demeanor. But perhaps it was better that another one of Percy's friends didn't know about her situation.
"He might be back later," Nico said. Annabeth waited for him to go on, but it was apparent that he didn't mean to say anything else. Ah, she thought to herself, he's waiting for me to start.
"So," she started, choosing her words carefully. "It's March."
Nico nodded. "It is."
"Only a few more months until July."
"That's generally how it works."
Annabeth huffed. Time to bite the bullet. "A few more months until I die." Annabeth waited for a change in Nico's expression, for his eyebrows to knit together as his head bows and he tells her he's sorry, with pity dripping from his voice. The usual response people give her when she chooses to be blunt.
Nico looked unfazed.
Uncertainly, Annabeth continued. "Or not?"
Nico sighed. "Annabeth, what are you looking for?" He suddenly looked very tired, and Annabeth felt bad.
"I just want to talk," she said.
"Then talk," Nico said, moving his arm in a 'continue' motion. "I can try to help you find what you need, but I think you already know everything I could tell you."
Annabeth suddenly felt a perplexing wave of guilt and irritation. "Well, I don't know! Nothing makes sense. You're the supposed "expert" about these things. Am I going to die? Am I not going to die? Why Percy? What does he have to do with this? Does he save me? Does he kill me? Is it wrong for me to… for me to be with him? Why me? What did I do? What can I do?" Annabeth thought it would be a relief to get her worries out in the open like this. No skirting around them. But instead, she just felt small. "Am I… am I hurting Percy?" She finally said quietly, the frustration and anger that had blossomed within her shrinking until all that was left was shame.
Nico at least had it within him to look slightly meek. Less apathetic than earlier. "Annabeth, these aren't questions I can answer for you. They aren't questions anyone can answer for you. Timers… they aren't perfect machines. There's no reason you're the one who is going through all of this, it's just chance. Or fate. Whatever you'd like to believe. And yeah, I like to research this stuff, but I don't know all the answers. I can't tell you what's going to happen." Nico cast his eyes down and when he looked back up the expression on his face was one of uncertainty. "As for Percy, that's for you to figure out for yourself. You have to decide what sacrifices you are willing to make and you have to decide for yourself what's wrong and what's right."
Annabeth focused on her breathing. This was what she had been worried about. She was a planner. She was a doer. If there was a problem, Annabeth wanted to find a solution for it. She wasn't okay with being able to do nothing. There was always something she could do, something she could fix to make things better, to make things perfect.
You're too perfect, Annabeth.
But she wasn't. This thing with Percy and her timer—she had chosen to get involved. She chose to be around him, to encourage her feelings. And now there was no way to fix things without hurting him. And getting hurt in return.
"If I stay with him," she started slowly, finally revealing one of her biggest insecurities. "Then how could I guarantee that this is real?" Candor had never been one of Annabeth's strongest virtues, but she couldn't trust herself in a relationship that she had built on lies and selfishness. "But if I leave him…"
"That'll hurt him too," Nico finished for her. He seemed aware of her internal struggle but offered no solutions.
"But I can't tell him," Annabeth said, shaking her head slightly at herself.
"Couldn't you?" Nico inquired.
"No! He'd hate me. God, he'd—he'd never forgive me." Annabeth couldn't let him find out. She could just imagine how he'd react to finding out that Annabeth had used him like that. That she had exploited his love and his kindness for a few extra decades.
"I don't think Percy could ever hate you," Nico said quietly, but Annabeth wasn't listening. God! Her life was ending in just a few months, and all she could think about was a boy. Soon she would be worm food, or whatever happened after death and she couldn't even be bothered to stress about her existence or her impact or any of the other things people were supposed to be worried about at the end of their lives.
"I feel… like an awful person," Annabeth said, dropping her head into her hands. She couldn't believe she was about to start crying with Nico right there in front of her, someone she had only met once before. "And pathetic," she added, just to soak in the self-hatred just a little bit longer.
Nico scootched his chair closer to her and put a stiff arm on her shoulders. He rubbed her back with a tentative hand. "You're not awful," he said awkwardly. "Or pathetic."
Annabeth straightened up and sniffled in a way that definitely was pathetic. "I'm sorry. This is embarrassing. You let me come to you for help and when I heard something I didn't want to hear and I got all—" She gestured to herself.
"It's okay," Nico said. "I can...make you some tea?"
She nodded, pathetically, and he got out of his chair with something like relief as he escaped to the kitchen. Annabeth used the time he was away from her to wipe her face. She rubbed the tears off of the back of her hand and onto her jeans.
"Why did you get into learning about this time stuff?" she called out, once she determined her voice wouldn't shake.
"Goes with my major," he called back. She heard water pouring and a burner turn on. "What kind of tea do you want?"
"Just black is fine," she said. "Mortuary Science, right?"
Nico came out of the kitchen, leaning on the archway that led into the living room. "Mmhm."
"But you said you had a…" Annabeth thought back, trying to remember his exact words. "Particular interest?"
His expression quickly flickered with something before closing off and Annabeth was suddenly reminded of how it had done the same the last time she asked. His thin fingers were pressing white indents into where they were wrapped around his arms.
"You don't have to tell me," Annabeth said, smoothing her hands against the table just for something else to focus on.
Nico visibly exhaled, relaxing his tensed shoulders and unclamping his hand. He shook his head and his long, black hair flopped in his eyes. She wondered if he had cut it since the last time she'd seen him. "It's okay," he said. "My sister died. Defunct timer—I never saw it coming."
Annabeth looked down at her fingers tracing the woodgrain. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Yeah, me too. She was a good person."
When Annabeth looked back to Nico, his eyes were trained on the floor. The sadness seemed to weigh on him, pulling him down like gravity. She wondered at the progression of his life, dedicating his youth and his future to finding out the cause of his sister's unexpected death. She couldn't decide if it was noble or just depressing.
"What was her name?" she asked. Nico's head snapped up and he met her eyes. She could see the surprise in them, but also a hint of gratitude.
"Bianca. Her name was Bianca."
The kettle began to whistle and they both startled. It grew louder and louder, and with a sigh, Nico turned back to the kitchen.
Annabeth slouched in her seat, leaning back into the uncomfortable wooden chair. It seemed that death was everywhere, hanging over her head like a dark cloud. Before the timers, had death played such a big part in life?
"Milk? Sugar?" Nico called from the kitchen.
"A little milk, no sugar," she called back. "Please."
Nico brought out two mugs, holding them carefully in trembling hands. He set them on the table and Annabeth closed her hands around hers.
He sat down and sipped on his tea quietly. Annabeth wondered if she was supposed to go, but before she could get up and make her excuses, Nico set his tea back down and spoke.
"How's your friend?" he asked.
Confused, Annabeth asked, "Which one?"
"The coma one."
Annabeth wrinkled her eyebrows. "Thalia? How do you—"
"Percy's Will's friend." Nico wrinkled his nose in playful distaste. "And mine too, I guess. He talks about you."
Annabeth's heart fluttered. "He talks about me?"
Nico shook his head lightly. "Of course. I mean, he's—" He waved his hand in the air, like she should know. "He cares about you a lot."
Annabeth sipped her tea, her face warming up. Behind her, she heard the front door open. After a short scuffle, she heard Will's voice say "Hey Neeks, whose shoes are these—" before Will rounded the corner in all of his sunshiney glory.
"Oh, hey Annabeth!" Will said, ever the golden retriever.
"Hey Will," Annabeth said. Nico was smiling, looking happier than he had the entire time Annabeth had been there. With Will there, she wasn't sure what else she could say, and with her head (and heart) in the state it was, she didn't think she wanted to say anything at all. "I think I actually have to go. I have a—"
"Of course," Nico nodded, turning his smile onto her.
"It was nice seeing you," Annabeth got up, moving around Will to put her shoes back on. Will looked to Nico, eyebrow raised.
"Come by again," Nico said. "If you want."
Annabeth opened the door. "I will."
She hoped it wouldn't be another empty promise.
:::
Later that night, Annabeth sat in her room and checked her texts. Still no response from Leo. She considered sending him another text, but she figured that if he wanted to talk to someone right now, it probably wouldn't be her. It's not like they were that close. She thumbed through her other texts. Four texts from Piper:
Piper- Hey Babe
Piper- Is everything okay
Piper- sorry, i was in dev psych
Piper- wanna hang out later
Annabeth shot her a text. After finding out about Jason's transfer, she wasn't really sure how she felt about Piper keeping it from her. She wasn't sure how to approach it, or why Piper wasn't telling her things to begin with. She felt… unstable, something she had never felt with Piper before.
Annabeth- np its alright
Annabeth- maybe tomorrow?
Her last text was from Percy. It was a picture from their museum visit—a horrifying cat-human hybrid from the early renaissance. He had simply labeled it "You". Something deep in her chest panged.
Closing her phone, Annabeth thought of her options. Annabeth had never had trouble making choices, she was rarely irresolute or hesitant because she usually trusted her own judgment, perhaps more than she should. But how was she supposed to make an impossible decision?
