I felt suddenly cold inside as if I had gotten a liquid hydrogen injection, which also would explain why I was frozen.

The guy didn't look as old as I had imagined he would… By my count, he was around forty-five but he definitely looked younger than forty. He was also way more handsome than I had expected… He had striking green eyes and a sculpted face that would leave any international model in the shade.

I felt so unattractive all of a sudden.

"What are you doing here, Maxence?" Monroe's voice reached me low and hard as he stood up hastily.

Rosalie immediately held his hand.

"I need to talk to him." He replied in kind.

"Meet me outside." I heard Jasper's whispered voice in my ear.

He stood up so fast that when I turned my head to look at him he was already striding past our table.

"Lock, wait." Maxence called Jasper by that weird nickname while turning, but Monroe held his arm.

"You're not going after him." He stated.

And that's exactly when I realized I needed to go after Jasper.

Faster than I thought possible, I shook off my bewilderment, stood up, and walked to the parking lot quickly and without looking back.

My heart was pumping so fast in my chest that I could feel it in my temples. I was almost reaching him, I could see his tall frame getting closer to the motorcycle…

Another very tall man passed by me and reached him before I could.

The moment Maxence's hands landed on Jasper's forearms I lost it.

My feet moved faster, but my voice was the one thing that surprised me.

"Hey, take your hands off my boyfriend!" I literally, and impulsively, roared.

They both turned to me with perplexed stares, each one for obviously different reasons. I had to look up even more than I usually did so to be able to face Maxence.

"He's your boyfriend?" He asked Jasper in an incredulous inflection.

Jasper didn't have time to answer.

I pushed Maxence with a strength I didn't know I had and put myself in between them.

"Don't come near him." My tone was so deep and menacing that I wasn't recognizing my own voice. "He doesn't want to talk to you."

"I believe he can speak for himself." Maxence retorted, towering over me.

I wasn't intimidated.

"Right now I'm the one who speaks for him." I replied in an even harder voice.

Maxence looked at Jasper, frowning.

"You heard him." Jasper said, and I noticed his voice was weak.

I felt even more empowered by his confirmation.

"Jasper, get on the bike." I told him with a lighter tone, my eyes never leaving Maxence's face.

"Lock…" Maxence spoke in a pleading voice, stepping closer.

I stepped closer to him too. I wasn't afraid of his height.

"Don't call me like that, you have no right to." I heard Jasper say, his voice wavering.

"I just want to talk… Please." Maxence insisted.

"No!" I stated firmly, making him bring his eyes to me. "You're not talking to him, not today and not ever! Leave him alone!"

He held both my shoulders and squeezed them. I pretended I wasn't feeling pain.

"You don't know who I am, little boy." He spoke in a hostile manner, glaring at me. "You have no idea what I'm capable of."

In a flash Jasper was between us shoving him.

"Don't you dare touch him!" And right then his voice was firm again and just as hostile as Maxence's. "You don't know what I'm capable of if you come even a hundred feet near him again."

"We need to talk…" He insisted in a begging tone, his hands moving toward Jasper's shoulders.

But Jasper just shrugged his hands off and stepped back, reaching for my hand behind him and grabbing it as if it was an anchor.

"We have nothing to talk about, Mr. Alberfort. Just leave me alone or you'll regret having ever met me." He said all that steadily while walking backward with me right behind him.

Once we were farther from him, Jasper turned and hopped on his motorcycle. I followed him, still staring fiercely at Maxence's scowling face.

A minute later and we were riding away from the restaurant.

As Jasper accelerated along the streets, I calmed down and the way I had defended him, the things I had said, the whole damn thing dawned on me… And I was abruptly more aware of how deep my feelings for him were.

My arms tightened their hold around his waist as my heart seemed to swell…

I felt one of Jasper's hands over my arm and smiled. He caressed my skin with his thumb.

We rode like that until his house.

As soon as we arrived and hopped out, he stopped before me.

"You need to go home." He said gently, his eyes pleading. "You can take my car."

I felt a subtle pang in my heart but ignored it and held his face between my hands.

He sighed heavily, trying to look away, but I didn't let him.

"Look at me." I asked softly.

Hesitantly, he did it.

"Tell me you're okay." I kinda demanded.

Jasper closed his eyes for a second and sighed again before looking at me.

"I'm not okay, Edward." He told me in a somber tone. "Not at all."

"Tell me what I can do to make you feel better." I said as I got closer and put my arms around him.

Jasper let me hold him, but he dropped his eyes and didn't hold me back.

"There's nothing you can do." He spoke carefully. "I need…"

"Jasper, don't push me away." I asked before he could say more, seeing perfectly where that conversation was going.

He paused and looked at me with guarded eyes.

"I'm not pushing you away." He heaved a sigh. "I just don't wanna hurt you but if you stay I will."

"Then do it, I don't mind." I kinda defied him, I was a bit irritated with the whole trying-to-protect-me behavior.

Jasper's face morphed into a mask of what I read as a mix of disappointment and fear.

"You have no idea of what you're saying."

I jutted my jaw, let go of him, and then tilted my chin up.

"Why? What will you do to me that's so terrible?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Oh, but I do." I retorted. "Why can't I replace one of your randoms, huh?" I challenged him. "I'm right here! Or is it just because I'm not blond?"

His face was inches from mine in a blink, his eyes burning and staring into mine.

He was not happy at all with my remark.

"It's because you're not disposable." He uttered curtly. "Or do you wish to become an anger dumpster?"

His harsh words and cold gaze affected me in a way I wasn't expecting… I felt disgusted, sure, but I oddly pitied him more.

"Is that what you do to them? You take your frustrations out on them? Because if that's what you need you can do it to me."

Why the fuck do you sound so pleading? My mind scolded me.

Jasper held my arms and squeezed them to the point of starting to hurt me.

"It's worse than that. Way worse." He affirmed and his voice left no room for doubts. He also looked really scary. "And it would make you hate me." He heaved a weighted breath after clenching and unclenching his jaw. "So please listen to me and go home."

Right then I understood I was seeing first hand the effects of his trauma…

Since I knew the whole story behind his promiscuity, I could see clearly by then that it wasn't something he did for pleasure but rather to placate his pain.

The fucked up part was… It hurt me that I wasn't able to do that for him, that he didn't even allow me to try.

"Please don't…" It just came out without my permission, my voice trembling. "You know you can control it." I appealed while feeling my eyes well up in tears.

Jasper's countenance Just got harder.

"I don't want to." He stated harshly.

I felt my heart cracking… I sighed.

"You're already hurting me, anyway…" I muttered under my breath as I dropped my stare.

He heard me nevertheless.

"Lesser of two evils." He said in a dark manner as he finally let go of me.

I felt the tears spilling as he stepped back. I looked back at him, aware of how hopeless I seemed.

"Jasper, please…" I insisted in a soft voice, pleading with my gaze.

"You know where the keys are." He uttered curtly, his face becoming expressionless.

"Don't do this…" I practically mouthed because I was losing the remaining of my strength.

Jasper closed his eyes.

"Edward…"

I stepped closer to him and touched his face. He held my wrist roughly and glared at me.

"Go." He demanded through clenched teeth.

I can see now what you meant by "I'm him"... I see his reflection in your eyes right now.

I felt more tears trickling down my cheeks and pressed my lips together.

We both stepped back. And as Jasper looked away from me I fished my phone in my pocket.

It took just a couple of seconds for me to make the call and another couple for him to pick it up.

"Is everything okay?" Ryan asked me from the other end.

I swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Can you pick me up at Jasper's house?"

"Something happened." He wasn't asking.

"Can you?" I urged in a low voice.

"I'll be there in ten." He assured me before hanging up.

I heaved a resigned breath and rubbed the back of my hands over my eyes.

"Ryan?" Jasper asked in a dry tone.

I looked up to find him staring angrily at me.

I huffed.

"You have no right to feel jealous." I retorted.

He said nothing in response. He just clenched his jaw and nodded. And I saw that as my cue.

I walked to the gate without looking back and stood there as such until Ryan's car parked right in front. I didn't turn or raised my eyes until I was inside the car.

"He's standing there." Ryan said softly.

I looked at Ry and he was looking at me.

"Just take me outta here." My tone gave away that I was about to cry.

Ryan just nodded and drove. And I let the tears flow.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter14#

I arrived at the club the next evening at nine o'clock sharp.

My day had been as normal as ever thanks to my effort not to let my dejection affect my academic life. I also didn't want to mess with my mental health any more than I already was, so I tried hard to remain sane and not to think about Jasper.

He had not called me or texted me since we last spoke at his house, and I did just the same. If space was what he needed, well… Space was what he would get.

"Hey, Leo, Aiden wants to see you." Emmett told me as soon as I crossed the entrance. "He's in VIP."

I nodded, pretending my heart didn't make a somersault inside my chest.

Dragging my feet to the VIP area, I kept my eyes down, afraid of what was waiting for me. I waited until he finished talking to Alec and took a deep breath as I noticed him turning.

I looked up to face him with hesitance.

"Emmett told me you wanted to see me." I said in a lifeless voice as I got before him.

Jasper's face was unreadable.

"Some important and very demanding people from the international media are coming tonight." His tone was professional and steady. "So we'll have an open bar section just for them in here. Petra is coordinating but I want you and Alec to work with her. The station has already been moved there." He pointed to where there was an already prepared counter with everything we would probably need. "You handle the preparation of the drinks, Alec will help you but he's the one responsible for the orders and supplies if you need any. Petra will be in the lounge."

"Okay." I nodded. "Is that all?" My tone was neutral, I was trying to sound as professional as him.

He took a bit more than necessary to answer.

"Yes." He answered concisely and then licked his lips.

Of course, my eyes were beckoned by the gesture, but I averted them as fast as I could.

"I'll just change real quick." I said diffidently.

As soon as I turned I felt his hand softly grabbing my wrist.

"Edward…" He uttered.

I turned back to him slowly and he immediately let go of me.

"I'm sorry for last night…" His tone was repentant and his eyes were suddenly pleading. "The way I treated you…" He shook his head slightly. "I'm really sorry."

I didn't really know what to say… First because he caught me by surprise. Second… I was still hurt, therefore not ready to forgive him yet.

"I know it's not what you wanna hear…" He went on. "And I'm aware of how twisted it sounds but… I really was just trying to protect you."

And there was that fucking protection detail again…

I sighed and nodded once more. What I really wanted to know he wouldn't tell me spontaneously.

I hesitated a little, and considered letting it go, but... I couldn't really help myself.

"Can I ask… What did you…" I cut myself off, suddenly out of breath. "Did you…?"

Jasper heaved a sigh and took a step closer, looking at me tenderly.

"I spent the night alone at my house." He assured in a low voice, his eyes shimmering with honesty. "I just couldn't be anywhere near you, I would never forgive myself if I hurt you like that."

You hurt me a damn lot anyway. I thought.

But I didn't voice it.

Once again I nodded dispiritedly and turned to go to the locker room.

But I didn't take not even one step.

"What about you?" Jasper's voice was cautious.

I looked at him frowning.

"What about me?"

"Did you go to your place or…?" He sounded truly hesitant.

I withheld a chuckle. It wasn't funny, it was ridiculous.

"Of course I went to my apartment." I replied dryly. "But if you're asking about Ryan…" I saw his jaw getting tense. "Yes, he slept there." He clearly clenched his teeth. "And no, we didn't sleep together." His whole face relaxed visibly as he sighed. "What happened between me and him was a one-time thing. We're friends. And just so it's clear…" I took a step closer and our faces were just a few inches apart. "Despite what you constantly put me through, I'm with you, and with you only. And I won't take my frustrations out on someone else. I'm not you."

I didn't stay to watch the effect of my words. I just turned on my heels and strode toward the locker room without looking back.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter14#

The night had been so busy that I barely had time to think. And I was so damn tired when it was over that all I wanted to do was sleep.

I finished everything I had to do and went to Ryan's station to talk to him. As soon as he saw me his face changed.

I sighed for the hundredth time that day…

I had the feeling his obvious tension was out of worry with me and most probably because of some Jasper-related concern. I was so sick of all the drama that I didn't even pretend I hadn't noticed he was acting weird.

"Going home?" He asked me in a forced smile.

"You can stop with the charade." I assured him in a tired voice. "I can read the tension in you."

It was Ryan's turn to sigh. And then his forced countenance morphed into an honest discontented one.

"Should I avoid the storeroom?" I asked impassively.

Ryan frowned, sighed again, and ran his fingers through his hair.

"You should go home. Now better than later." He spoke in a compassionate tone.

I nodded slowly.

"Am I safe if I go to retrieve my backpack?"

Ry picked something up beside him and then offered it to me. It was my bag.

"I took the liberty of taking it for you." His voice sounded apologetic.

"Thanks, Ry." I said in a disheartened tone while grabbing my bag. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I walked out of the club with heavy steps and a heavy heart. My head was bent and my eyes were down, staring at the pavement as I moved crestfallen.

I was so fucking tired of feeling this hopelessness…

And as I dragged myself to my car, my consciousness questioned me if it was really worthy to be with someone that made me hurt so frequently…

What was wrong with me, after all? Why was I so stubborn? Why was I insisting on fighting a losing battle?

Why was I so in love with him, anyway?

Yes, Jasper was a gorgeous man, an amazing lover, a considerate and very generous person… He was intelligent, funny in the right measure, loving when he wanted, adorable and gentle, and so so sexy…

Okay, I know why I'm in love with him. But he is such a damn crappy boyfriend…

I huffed to myself.

He wasn't even my boyfriend… And judging by the way things were going, he would never come to be.

My heart felt sore… I grabbed my shirt over it.

I loved him so much but it wasn't enough to make him mine...

I knew he was in love with me too, although I wasn't sure if his feelings were as intense as mine. I was also aware that his behavior had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and I understood where he was coming from with his need to act regarding his trauma…

But it was all really fucked up!

I wasn't a perfect person, but I didn't deserve to live in misery. I wanted to be loved and cherished and I wanted the person I loved to be mine and mine only.

Jasper definitely wasn't that person… He would never be that person.

I halted my steps and heaved a weighted breath.

A decision started to take form in my mind… I needed to respect myself, my sanity, my feelings… I couldn't go on loving someone that wasn't trying hard enough.

Maybe I should get some distance from him…

"Can you come closer?" I heard his deep voice and looked up hastily. "Please?"

Jasper was standing by the side of my car, his hands behind his back, his gaze tender and slightly supplicant.

I was totally bewildered, to say the least.

Weren't you shagging someone in the storeroom?

I saw his face fall and understood immediately that I had, once again, thought out loud.

"Guess I deserve it." He uttered with a saddened smile. "I haven't been with anyone else besides you for two weeks." He assured me in a low, hesitant tone. "But I understand why you thought that."

I stepped closer to him and looked fiercely into his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" I asked softly, still confused.

"What you said earlier tonight… And the way you acted yesterday when Maxence reached me, the way you defended me…" Jasper uttered with gleamy eyes, but I didn't quite understand the sentiment shimmering in his irises. "I knew it already… I've known since the moment I met you that somehow you would change everything…" He licked his lips and sighed, clearly nervous, and suddenly I was so focused on him and his words… "I just had no idea of how much… Or how deeply…" He chuckled. "You're right. I can see now that I'm not trying hard enough. But I want to."

"What are you talking about…? I'm not following." I confessed while my heart threatened to burst my chest open.

Jasper swallowed visibly, heaved a deep sigh, and gazed at me intensely.

"I know you're with me… Only with me. I wanna do the same." He exhaled. "I want both of us to be exclusive."

Okay, give me a minute to process this.

My mind was blank. I couldn't think. I wasn't expecting that.

And Jasper didn't give me enough time to assimilate what was happening…

"I've hurt you too much already… I don't want to anymore." He kinda vowed. "I'm not sure if I can really do this… If I can control the impulses and the anger, but…" He sighed again. "I want to try… For you. I wanna do it for you, I wanna be worthy of your love, Edward."

Is he really saying what I'm hearing? Or am I dreaming?

Jasper stepped closer to me and finally brought his hands forward…

He offered me a blue rose, and his hands were shaking so hard that it made me chuckle.

I held his hands and looked into his eyes… I knew I was smiling.

"You referred to me as your boyfriend last night."

"It was an impulsive…" I tried in a whisper.

"Do you want me to make it real?" He cut me off softly.

I could just nod… I was too entranced in everything that was happening to be able to answer.

"Since I'm already your boyfriend, based on what you shouted yesterday…" He chuckled a little and I smiled. Then he became serious all of a sudden. "Edward, be my boyfriend." It sounded like a cautious request.

"Yes." I replied promptly.

What? I didn't have to think about it, that's what I've been wanting since the day I kissed him, if I'm being completely honest…

He left the rose in my hands and held my face tenderly. Then he leaned in and kissed me so softly… I felt like I was floating.

"Get a room, Boyfies!" I heard Ryan's voice in a jolly shouted tone.

The kiss was broken by our chuckles. Jasper brought me to him as he looked behind me and smiled. I pulled away from him and turned to see my friend smiling approvingly at us.

"It's so easy to trick you…" Ry said while winking at me. "See you tomorrow."

Jasper and I waved at him. And then we looked at each other.

"So it was all a plan…" I concluded.

Jasper smiled bashfully.

"Ryan thought the tension would add a little drama... " He shrugged. "I just wanted it to be romantic."

"Mission accomplished." I uttered while hooking my arms around his neck and standing on my toes to kiss his lips.

Jasper trapped my bottom lip between his.

"Can I stay with you?" He asked in a gentle voice. "I mean… In your apartment with you."

I pulled away again, aware of the broad smile on my face.

"Of course."

And then he kissed me again… Deeply this time.

And nothing else seemed to matter.