I tiptoed my way to him, as usual almost drooling once I saw that his hair was tied up in a high pony-bun and his nape was exposed by his low fade undercut.

Unhurriedly my eyes followed the tail of his dragon tattoo, and my stomach was immediately full of butterflies as I realized he was shirtless.

I could see his body a thousand times… I would still be amazed the next one I faced it.

Observing how his toned back muscles worked as he prepared whatever he was preparing at the counter, it dawned on me he seemed pretty comfortable in my kitchen... And I assimilated that seeing him moving around, knowing where everything was as if the place was his too… It all felt oddly homey.

I smiled happily.

Once I was finally behind him, I sneaked my arms around his waist and rested my forehead between his shoulder blades, inhaling his scent deeply.

"Good morning, Freckles." Jasper greeted me softly, but I could hear clearly his dimpled grin in his voice.

I squeezed him a bit and sighed.

"Good morning, Jasper."

He then turned in my arms and looked at me with tenderness.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked while circling me with his arms.

I nodded and he left a brief kiss on my lips.

"You're hungry?" He sounded so sweet… "I wasn't sure if you liked omelet, but I made one for you…"

"You know I can eat anything you give me." I replied in a soft tone.

Jasper arched one eyebrow.

"Don't give me any ideas this early in the morning." He smiled suggestively and I smiled right back.

"Addict." I uttered in a chuckle.

"To you." He gave back in a deep voice just before leaving another kiss on my lips. "Do you want me to drive you to college?"

I raised my arms to circle his neck, and then I pulled him to me just a tiny bit more.

"I don't wanna go today, I wanna stay here with you."

"It's Monday, we have the night off." He reminded me in a caring tone. "Besides, you have Behavioral today, remember? You can't ditch." He asked with a serious stare.

Yes… He knew my classes' schedule and even knew the classes I was having problems with. That was how attentive to me he was after six weeks of officially dating.

We had been living in a pretty much normal couple's routine… We would work, I would study, and then every free time we had was to spend time together, mostly in my apartment.

Jasper had slept at my place for most of the forty-two days since we became boyfriends. He even had a section of my closet for his things and there was a lot of his stuff around the apartment.

"I don't want to sit in a full room and spend four hours listening to theories about how people act and why when I can be with my boyfriend the whole day in bed having sex." I literally spoke everything that was in my mind in a gush.

Jasper chuckled.

"And I'm the addict…" He teased me with a suggestive smile.

"You would understand me better if you had a hot-as-hell alluring boyfriend up for grabs in your place." I provoked.

"The thing is… I do." He said as leaning in. "I have such a bewitching boyfriend that I spend most of my time thinking about him and desiring him, so much so that I've been practically living at his place, whenever he's away I can't seem to focus and, whenever he's around I have a hard time keeping my hands to myself."

And just to make a point he slid his hands under my shorts and grabbed my asscheeks.

I took advantage of his nearness and distraction and captured his lips in mine.

We kissed as if we hadn't been with each other for weeks… It had been only a few hours since we last made love.

Yes again… Jasper had mostly been making love to me…

Sure, there were times he was eager and up to some rough sex but, even when that was the case, he was still caring to me.

"You're having problems with Behavioral…" He murmured between kisses. "You have to go to class."

"You can help me with that later, can't you?" My tone was deliberately seductive.

He squinted at me then he just nodded, giving in. I bit his bottom lip and sucked his tongue into my mouth languidly when he gave it to me.

The kiss deepened… My temperature was rising.

I rubbed my hard-on against his. He gasped and tightened his hold around me.

"The omelet will get cold." He murmured after nibbling my lips.

"I don't care." I uttered as I pushed him against the kitchen island. "Just forget the food and eat me."

"As you wish." He agreed in his deep voice, his eyes getting darker as he turned us around, grabbed me, and put me on the counter.

I ran my fingers through his hair, untied it, and clenched my hands tightly around the strands before bringing his face to me.

Jasper hissed before covering my mouth with his, the kiss already intense and deep from the beginning.

It didn't take long for my shorts to be yanked away from my body and for Jasper's mouth to engulf me soon after.

I controlled his motions, guiding him with my hands on his head… I was about to cum when he let go of me with a popping sound.

"Fuck, no!" I whined. "I'm so close…"

"I know." He stated while carrying me. "You're not allowed to cum now, Mr. Freckles." He determined as he took me along my corridor to my room. "You can only cum when I'm inside you."

I shut him up with another deep kiss until I felt the bed under me.

"On all fours." He demanded while opening his fly.

His eyes were blazing and his face was severe… He looked scary as his cock sprang free once he shed his jeans.

I obeyed him immediately. And then I felt his big hand falling heavily on my asscheek.

The sting made my dick harder and I grunted.

Jasper was hovering over me soon after.

"Did it hurt?" His voice was calm but there was a slightly worried inflection in it.

"No…" It came out in a moan because he was fondling the spot.

And so I felt another slap.

This time I moaned loudly.

"You're so fucking hot, Edward… It's so hard to control myself when I have you like this in front of me…" His voice sounded restrained as if he was making a lot of effort.

"You can do whatever you want to me." I said in a moaned whisper.

I heard him sigh as I felt his forehead between my shoulder blades. My heart accelerated for no apparent reason.

"I always wanna fuck you hard…" He said in a low tone before he sneaked his hand between my arms and held my face, turning it to the side. "But lately I want to make love to you more…" He sounded as if confessing a secret. And then he licked the shell of my ear.

It was my turn to hiss, although my heart felt so warm and filled that, for a second, the lust was something secondary.

That was the first time he acknowledged the fact that we'd been making love, and then it simply became the center of my thoughts as he prepared me, as usual, carefully.

We both moaned throughout the whole preparation… He kissed my neck and my back and caressed my skin with his free hand… And once I was ready he ran his tongue along my spine until my neck, bit the skin there, and then just hovered.

"I need to see your face, Freckles." His tone was low and pleading. "Turn to me."

I did as he asked, and when our gazes locked, and he descended on me, surrounding me with his warm body, I felt the fifth and strongest spark.

"I love you." The words just poured out of me as he positioned his member against my entrance.

Jasper stopped, his eyes welled up in tears, and he took in a wavering breath.

It seemed as if the whole world had stopped for that moment…

And although he, again, didn't say it back, his lips parting and closing a couple of times before he exhaled heavily and kissed me, I read it in his eyes… He felt the same. I was sure of it.

He made love to me once more… Slow, passionate, intense love. And I finally felt safe.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter15#

Later that day we were in the living room, supposedly watching some movies. Reality was... I was sitting on the couch watching Jasper as he was lying prone on it with his head on my lap, napping. I was following the lines of his tattoos with the tip of my index finger and wondering when and why he got them.

"Do you like them?" His sleepy voice reached me.

I smiled softly.

"I do. They're amazing."

Jasper turned to lie on his back and for a couple of seconds, I was distracted by the flow of his hair strands over my thigh.

"Have you ever thought of getting one?" He was clearly curious.

"Not really." I admitted simply. "But I love that you have them… And the tongue piercing."

Jasper chuckled.

"That I didn't know." He seemed satisfied somehow.

"Is there a reason behind them?" I asked spontaneously. "Or is it just aesthetics?"

Jasper seemed okay with answering that, he didn't even blink.

"There's a different reason for each one of them." His reply was simple and placid. "Do you wanna know?" He arched his eyebrows while looking at me interrogatively.

I nodded.

"Tell me about the piercing first." I urged in an enthusiastic tone.

Jasper smiled his honest smile and I promptly placed the tip of my forefingers in his dimples. He chuckled while my smile became broader.

"Well, I had this rule about kissing… Actually, I still have it." He started and I frowned. He got slightly serious. "Remember that I told you there was a moment I was with a lot of different men…?" He asked cautiously and I just nodded. "I've always thought that kissing is something we share only with someone with whom we have some kind of… special bond." He was dead serious, I could read it in his eyes, and that definitely took me aback, but I let him go on. "So back then, when I started… Fucking around, as you say… There were several times a guy came and tried to kiss me, and some of those times I almost let it happen on impulse. That's why I decided to pierce my tongue and asked for a heavy barbel when I got it…" He shrugged. "This way it didn't matter how drunk or drugged I was, I would remember my own rule…"

I was surprised, to say the least.

"Does that mean that you… You don't…"

Jasper sat up and held my jaw while looking straight into my eyes.

"That first time you kissed me… I wouldn't have let you if I had not felt what I felt when we first met. I would've pushed you easily, even though you caught me off guard." He exhaled and his gaze became more intense. "You're the first person in almost eight years that I kiss." His words were earnest, there was no way I could have doubted them. "And you've been the only one since that night."

"Are you serious?" I was perplexed.

He just nodded.

"So all your randoms…"

"I've never kissed them nor let them kiss me."

I smiled because I felt oddly relieved. At least a part of him, and not any part, one that he thought was special, that he reserved for only special people, had been mine and mine only since we met.

I kissed him, obviously. Deeply and slowly… Seriously.

"Does it bother you?" He whispered on my lips once we parted. I shook my head no. "What do you feel…?"

"I kinda love it." I confessed in a light chuckle as we pulled away. "I don't really know how to explain the sensation, it just feels good… Especially when you…" I cut myself off suggestively and glanced down to my crotch.

Jasper chuckled too and licked his lips.

"And this is something else I do only to you." He said simply, still looking serious. I felt myself frowning skeptically. "It's been even longer since I did it to someone else."

I just had to know…

"How long?" My voice came out all hesitant.

"Since Max…" He shrugged.

"What, seventeen years?!"

"Is it so hard to believe?" He was cautious right there.

I chuckled humorlessly.

"It is when you're that good doing it."

Jasper smiled crookedly at me and his stare became naughty.

"It's easy to be good when I have someone so luscious to put my mouth on."

He fucking knew how to play… My cock twitched just with those words.

"Okay…" I said after taking a deep breath and Jasper chuckled again, the devil. "That was about the piercing. What about the shoulder tattoo?"

I just changed the subject because I was still very curious about his ink… Besides, I knew we would go back to that later.

Jasper squinted slightly and kissed me lingeringly on the lips before pulling just a bit away.

"Have a closer look near the collarbone." He asked and tilted his head to the side so I would have more access.

It was not that hard to see once you knew where to look… There was a slightly protruding scar under the ink. The shape reminded me of…

"It's a bite mark." Jasper told me in an unexpectedly steady tone as I traced it softly with the tip of my finger. "It's the rape mark."

That made me look at him with compassion. Jasper was staring at some random spot behind me.

"You kissed it without even knowing about it the first time we were together…" He whispered with a soft smile, then he looked at me. "You have no idea how that made me feel."

"Tell me." I kinda pleaded in a murmur.

He kissed the corner of my lips and smiled to me.

"It was as if you had lightened me up…" His tone was soft. "I felt warm all over. I had never felt that before, my heart was racing and suddenly all I wanted was to keep you near me."

"That first night?"

He just nodded while smiling. Then he sighed, getting serious again.

"The spaulder armor means I'm always shielded… " He explained. "It means I'm always ready to defend myself against whatever, I'm always ready for war…" He heaved a weighted breath. "I got it because I couldn't look at myself in the mirror after what had happened… The reminder was always there, showing me how weak and stupid I had been…" He shook his head. "I just had to cover it with something that reminded me to be strong, to be smart, to rise above it." He sighed and smiled at me again. "Mon and Rose helped me choose the design. This was my first tattoo."

I kissed it right over the bite mark and let my lips linger… Then I felt one of Jasper's hands on my nape, caressing my neck.

I looked at him earnestly then.

"If you let me… I'll make sure you'll never hurt like that again." I vowed impulsively, the words coming straight from my heart.

Jasper gasped quietly and held my face between his hands.

"You have no idea of how special you are, do you?" He asked rhetorically. "I feel so lucky…"

Of course I blushed and bent my head…

"Still don't know how to take a compliment…" He commented in a chuckle.

I shook my head, smiling bashfully, and looked up to find his eyes glinting with mirth focused on me.

"The dragon?" I asked at last.

I noticed that Jasper tried to disguise it, but I saw clearly when his face fell just a tiny bit and the melancholy that once had been so present in the back of his eyes was back again.

He dropped his gaze for just a split second, nibbled his bottom lip, and sighed.

"There were actually three reasons behind it…" His tone was controlled. "The simplest one is my Chinese sign… The second reason was the meaning of the dragon…"

"Courage, strength, and resilience." I thought out loud.

Jasper nodded.

"What's the third?"

He took a moment before speaking.

"When I got it I was going through a very dark moment in my life… I had just lost someone… that was very important to me. But because of that person I wanted to change, I wanted to restart."

I'm not really sure why, but Gabriel, Ryan's childhood best friend came promptly to my mind.

I remained silent though.

Jasper took a deep breath.

"What I feel for you is different from anything that I have ever felt before…" He affirmed out of the blue and that surprised and pleased me greatly. "But he was special too… And maybe, if we'd had time, I would be a completely different person today."

"So you had another boyfriend after Max…" I uttered impulsively, but my tone was low and cautious.

"You're my first real boyfriend, Edward. Before you, I've never had a relationship, at least not a normal one." He clarified gently.

"Who was this person?" It came out hesitantly, although I was almost sure of what I would hear next.

"His name was Gabriel." He said softly. "The drawing… This is his art. And that's the third reason."

I didn't say anything, there was nothing I could have said, actually. I was jealous though…

"He was an artist, sensitive and vulnerable…" He squeezed his eyes shut for a second and exhaled heavily. "Nothing ever happened between us besides one single kiss… The night before he took his own life." He took a deep breath and looked at me carefully. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No." I assured. "But you don't need to tell me if it hurts you."

Jasper shook his head slightly and sighed.

"It doesn't really hurt anymore… And I want you to know." He waited until I nodded to resume. "After I lost him I just needed to remember everything he tried so hard to make me see… The time he was in my life he encouraged me, he helped me see things I didn't want to admit…" He cut himself off and sighed again. "He's the reason I left a darker version of myself behind and went after my dreams… He made me want to become the person he believed I could be." He sighed once more. "I wanted to have a part of him with me forever… That's why I got his drawing on my skin. He drew it to me, he said I needed to free the dragon that lived inside me, that I needed to find my strength and my courage and become who I really was…" He exhaled and smiled tentatively while shrugging. "It was supposed to be framed and placed on a wall in my first house, but…"

I nodded, feeling a bit sad, I wasn't sure if because he'd lost a person that apparently had been special and really good to him, or if it was because I felt a little less important in his life.

"You loved him, didn't you?" I blurted the question out.

Even if he hadn't nodded almost a minute later, I could read the emotion in his eyes perfectly as soon as I asked.

"Edward, Gabe inspired me to start changing… But you're the one that made me really want to." He hastened to say, his eyes a bit desperate all of a sudden. "You're the one that made me see that I wasn't trying hard enough and it's because of you that I'm..."

"Hey, it's okay, I'm okay." I interrupted him with a reassuring tone. "You don't need to explain or justify."

"I don't want you to feel less important." He added while holding my face in his hands. "You're very significant to me, you've changed everything…"

"It's okay, Jasper." I reassured him again. "It's your story, I wasn't even in your life, I can never hold it against you."

"I don't want to hurt you in any way."

"You're not." I assured with a soft smile. "I'm a bit jealous, sure, but I guess it's normal. And that's just it."

He nodded and kissed my lips tenderly before joining our foreheads.

"If you loved him…" I started asking tentatively and Jasper pulled his face a bit away to look at me. "Why nothing happened between you two?"

"For the same reason I fought my feelings for you so hard in the beginning…" He explained placidly.

"You wanted to protect him from you…" I wasn't asking, I didn't need to.

Jasper nodded.

"Back then I was even worse… I had absolutely no control over my impulses or my anger, so… I couldn't risk it, I couldn't hurt him."

"Will you ever explain it to me…?" My question came out all wary.

"Explain what?" He frowned.

"What you do… when you have sex with the randoms."

He was serious, and his eyes were guarded.

"Probably not." He stated calmly. "I don't want you to know that side of me… I'm trying to make it disappear so…"

I just nodded, actually contented that he was so committed to changing.

Jasper pecked my lips and lay back down on my lap. I just kept my eyes on his as I carded my fingers through his silky hair, thinking how much I loved his strands.

That oddly made me remember that he loved my strands as well… One thing led to another in my crazy mind, and suddenly this weird curiosity took over me.

And as usual…

"What did Gabriel look like?" My voice sounded pensive.

Jasper's eyebrows were slightly knitted together all of a sudden, but just as fast he relaxed his countenance and raised one of his hands to my face.

"Are you feeling insecure?" He asked carefully. "Because you don't need to."

"I'm just curious."

He probably heard the honesty and unconcern in my tone, because he smiled softly and fondled my cheek before sitting up.

"I have a picture. Do you wanna see it?" He still sounded cautious.

I nodded and he searched my eyes for a couple of seconds before standing up and walking to where his wallet was over the side table. He took something from it, a folded paper, and then he brought it to me.

I took in a breath before unfolding the old photography.

And there it was… Gabriel.

In the picture he was sitting on the grass and leaning on a tree with a big smile to whoever took the photo.

He was a black young man with striking features, brilliant eyes, and a very honest smile. He seemed… Innocent.

"He was very handsome." I commented simply.

Then I looked at Jasper and found him looking intently at me.

"Is it in Georgia Tech?"

"Yeah, right in front of the Psychology pavilion." Jasper answered in a neutral voice.

I nodded and gave back his picture. He folded it and put it back where it had been and returned to my side.

We both sighed while staring at each other.

"You're okay?" He asked me lovingly.

"I am." I gave back in the same tone. "Are you?"

He smiled to me and, once his dimples made an appearance, I knew he really was.

I jumped on his lap and held his neck firmly.

"Let's make out." I said with a devilish smile, already leaning in.

Jasper chuckled while wrapping his arms around my waist and tilting his head up, offering his lush lips to me.