"Are you peeking?" Jasper asked in such an excited tone that I could picture his dimpled grin clearly in my mind.

"My eyes are closed and you have your hand over them, how can I peek?"

He chuckled as he guided me to somewhere in his house, I suspected that it was to the pool area because of the path we took from the main door, but I wasn't sure.

We didn't walk long though, and the cool breeze told me I was right.

Soon enough we stopped and he freed my eyes.

"You can look now." He sounded nervous all of a sudden.

I opened my eyes and saw the whole pool deck decorated with red Chinese lanterns, the dim light that came from them creating a warm and inviting atmosphere. On the wood floor, there was a huge red futon with colorful pillows all around. Right in front of the futon, there was a low coffee table with oriental tableware and Chinese food, fruits, and a bottle of sake surrounded by small pink flowers.

I was in awe. I turned to Jasper with a silly grin on my lips.

"It's… beautiful!" I sounded as mesmerized as I was. "What's the occasion?"

Jasper smiled shyly, his cheeks even blushed a little.

"Well, we've been officially together for three and a half months…" He shrugged. "And exactly today it's been ten months since you first kissed me."

"You remember the date?!" I was perplexed.

"I remember every single thing related to you, Edward." He spoke softly, but earnestly. "Do you like it? I just wanted to celebrate us and the fact that you're changing me… And my life."

I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his neck, effectively pulling myself a little up so I could reach his nose with mine and nuzzle it softly.

"You are changing yourself." I said gently, hoping he could hear the pride in my tone.

I was proud of him.

"Because of you." He affirmed.

"Because you want to, and because you can." I countered softly. "You're strong, and you're good. Never doubt that. I wouldn't love you this much if you were as bad as you think you are."

His eyes sparkled with an unrecognizable sentiment to me. He smiled his most honest grin and I smiled right back.

"I'll just keep telling you you're good until you believe me." I promised.

He chuckled and kissed me gently on the lips.

"I'm actually proud of you, Jazz."

His eyes turned surprised and I knew why.

In my head, I'd been calling him Jazz for a while… I'm not sure how the nickname came to me. Maybe because he loved Jazz and Blues and we listened to it constantly whenever we were together… and also maybe because his name somehow had the same sound in the beginning.

"Jazz…?" He uttered the question with a dazzled smile.

I pursed my lips in embarrassment.

"It kinda slipped…" I said while tapping my forehead with the tip of my middle and forefinger.

"I like it." He smiled broadly. "You finally have a pet name for me."

We just smiled at each other. I felt happy.

"Let's sit down?" He asked caringly.

I nodded and we walked hand in hand to the futon.

"I love Chinese food." I just thought aloud as we sat.

"I know." Jasper mumbled while he poured the sake into a squared sake cup, seemingly speaking more to himself than to me.

"You're very attentive to details." I commented with a satisfied inflection in my tone.

That made him look at me with a big honest smile on his lips, his eyes shimmering.

"It's you." He said simply, shrugging. "I pay attention. But you say it as if it's surprising."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you babe…" I said as I touched his face with my hand gently.

And his smile turned into a huge grin.

"Wow, I get to earn two pet names tonight, I'm flattered." He uttered while leaning in. "Are you trying to spoil me? Or just make me melt? Because both are working."

His lips were practically on mine, so I captured his bottom one and sucked it into my mouth for a moment.

"It came out naturally." I shrugged. Then I looked at him seriously. "But I love you." I stated placidly. "I do want to spoil you, yes, I want to make you happy."

"I am the happiest I've ever been before." He affirmed earnestly and my stomach filled with butterflies.

I felt my whole face blushing.

Jasper placed his palm on my left cheek and chuckled softly.

"Warm…" He whispered as he closed his eyes. "Do you feel tingly all over?" I understood it as a rhetorical question. "Because I do, that's how you make me feel when you're around."

"I've felt it since day one." I confessed as he opened his beautiful eyes and looked at me passionately. "I didn't know what it was then, but I felt it the moment I saw you… And you were with your back to me." I chuckled.

Jasper nodded slowly.

"I felt it as soon as I turned and saw your face, Freckles…" His voice sounded dreamy. "This innocent gorgeous face of yours…" He sighed while fondling my cheek. "You looked a little lost, vulnerable… I felt like protecting you, I was immediately charmed."

"I was actually promptly dazzled by you." I said seriously but he smiled.

"So it was love at first sight?" He asked playfully.

I shrugged.

"I guess it was." I confirmed calmly. "I fell fast and hard for you. It took me a while to realize but, I know now that I was already in love with you when I kissed you."

Jasper became serious and was quiet for a moment, his eyes searching mine with obvious anxiety. Then he heaved a weighted breath.

"I admire your candidness, you know…" He said while turning back to our drinks. He gave me a cup and sipped his. "You make it seem so easy to say what's on your mind."

"While you struggle to keep what's on yours inside." I added in a soft tone, finally getting the opportunity to say that.

He looked at me hesitantly. I licked my lips and swallowed slowly.

"At first I thought you had a hard time verbalizing it, that you tried to say whatever you were feeling but, for some reason, you couldn't. But after the so many times I clearly saw you wanting to tell me something and literally withholding it, visibly making a huge effort not to put it out, it finally dawned on me..." I explained my reasons cautiously. Then I sighed and searched his eyes. "It's not a simple fear of being vulnerable or getting hurt, it's a phobia." I paused, waiting for him to react but he simply waited for me to finish. "It's Pistanthrophobia, isn't it?" And my voice was even lower at the end.

Oddly, Jasper smiled subtly.

"Our late-night study sessions paid off." He concluded in a light tone. He nodded. "I tried to tell you about it so many times when I was helping you with Behavioral... but you know better now why I didn't." He exhaled, averted his eyes, and sipped his sake again. "I do want to tell you a load of things, Edward… but whenever I try to express what I feel for you… my mind and my heart... they just clash. All those special words I reserve for you, all the expressions of my emotions, they are all in there, fighting so hard to come out that they overwhelm me. It's an avalanche, a cacophony of sentiments and sentences, and I want to put it all out because, above everything, it's suffocating, but… an irrational fear takes over, and it doesn't matter how comfortable or calm I am, or how much I trust you, and I do trust you… my mind just screams louder for me to retain it all. It's not voluntary." He exhaled. "But I'm working on it."

"I know." I smiled kindly at him. "You've actually come a long way. You've talked to me, you've let me know a lot. I can see most of your true colors now."

"And do you like them?" He asked with a shy smile.

"No." I said promptly and saw his eyes becoming confused for just a split second. "I love them." I added while sliding my hand down his face affectionately.

Jasper chuckled and kissed my cheek. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm hungry, babe, feed me." I requested in a deliberately sweet tone.

He just chuckled again and picked up a piece of peach and put it in my mouth.

"I'm hungry too, you know." It sounded as if he was pouting, which I confirmed he was once I looked up.

It was my turn to chuckle. I straightened up, picked up a piece of mango and wrapped half of it with my lips then offered it to him.

His eyes flickered from mine to the fruit and back before they turned just a tiny bit darker as he leaned in.

We kissed…

His tongue swirled with mine slowly, the sweet taste and soft texture of the mango enticing the low burning desire and making us a little more eager.

One of his hands came to my nape… He pulled me closer.

I sighed through my nose and parted my lips wider to give him more access.

My hands went up to his loose hair and I entangled my finger with his long strands.

Jasper moaned softly…

I captured his tongue and sucked it into my mouth languidly, savoring the mixture of the sake and the fruit taste with his.

My chest felt really warm, there were a million crazy butterflies in my stomach, my skin was all tingly, and I was lightheaded.

My heartbeats sped up.

Jasper's other hand came to my jaw, angling my head to the side while he nibbled my bottom lip.

And then he wrapped my tongue with his lush lips.

I moved closer while he sucked my tongue softly. And then we were battling for dominance.

The kiss started to become urgent… His breathing and mine hitched.

I didn't want to waste that perfect setting and the perfect moment we were having by being too eager. We would undoubtedly end up doing later what we were both yearning to do right then…

Just a bit of control… And a bit of patience.

"Hey, Jazz." I murmured as I broke the kiss softly. "We have all night, don't we?"

He nodded while biting my bottom lip softly.

"Your kiss is intoxicating…" Jasper uttered the moment he rested his forehead on mine, his eyes closed. "My mind goes blank every time."

I smiled, but I'm not sure if he saw it.

"Let's eat." I said in a kind tone.

He nodded and straightened up.

And eat we did.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter16#

"And now I'm sure that was why he used to ask us if we were a thing all the time." I finished with a laugh.

"Ryan and Alec…" Jasper spoke in a pensive tone. "I really didn't see it coming."

"You've been focused on me." I teased him and he laughed.

"That's the most absolute truth." He confirmed chuckling. "But really, Alec has always been the most reserved of you guys. I would never think he was bold enough to just go to Ry right in the middle of his birthday party and ask him to be his boyfriend in front of everyone."

"And after only one date." I added while widening my eyes.

"And that Ryan would say yes so promptly." Jasper concluded with a quirk of his eyebrows.

I chuckled again.

"Anyway… I'm happy for them both."

"Me too." Jasper agreed. "Alec seems really in love."

"Ryan cares a lot for him, and Alec makes him lighter. I'm pretty sure he will find his way into Ry's heart pretty easily."

"Yeah… Ryan has a huge heart… He's very generous with his love, and Alec is a good guy… Thinking better about it, they are a good match."

I nodded.

"You and Ry haven't hung out so much lately." Jasper commented in a slightly interrogative tone.

"Well, we have our boyfriends to attend to now…" I replied with a smile. "We need to take care of our men."

Jasper smiled crookedly while nodding.

"And you take really good care of me." He stated softly. "Thank you."

"What for? For taking care of you?" It came out while I was already shaking my head.

"Also for giving me so many chances, for trusting me, for loving me…" He enumerated with a loving tone. "For having found your way into my heart… Simply put, thank you for getting into my life."

I grinned unabashedly and nodded.

"You should actually thank my parents for rejecting me and my ex-boyfriend for his help." I sounded a bit ironic. "At the end of the day, my coming to Atlanta and getting into the club were their doings."

"You've told me about your family but you never talked to me about your ex…"

"Because there's nothing much to say about him besides the fact that his name helped me get the job." I shrugged.

"Oh, Peter is your ex?" He seemed surprised.

"Yeah, he was my first boyfriend." I confirmed simply. "We were actually great friends for the most of high school, so when I finally accepted I was gay he was the only one that was there for me. I spent some time with him before moving away and, I think because of the synergy we had, it felt right to be together. It didn't last much though… Just a couple of months before I moved. But we remained friends. He knew I was coming to Atlanta so he told me to look for you for a job and to drop his name into the conversation. Where do you know him from, anyway?"

Jasper released a breathy chuckle, his countenance seeming a bit baffled.

"Peter is my cousin." He sounded incredulous. "His mother, aunt Jane, is my mother's little sister. I thought he was just a friend of yours."

"Well, he already was when I dropped his name." I played a little dumb while shrugging.

Jasper laughed, seeing right through me.

"Okay..." He uttered, seeming amused.

"I actually thought you two…"

"Ew, no!" Jasper hastened to say, scrunching up his nose, understanding promptly what I was going to say. "I carried him when he was just a little baby, I took care of him when he was a toddler, I played video games with him whenever he came on vacation… He's like a little brother, I would never even think about him that way."

Involuntarily I released a puffy breath.

"That's a relief. I thought we'd had a man in common."

"We don't. And we never will because you and I won't have anybody else besides each other." Jasper spoke in a subtly stern tone.

That took me by surprise. I felt my eyes widening.

"Oh, really?"

"Really." He said seriously as if it was so obvious. "We'll stay together."

My chest felt warm again, and I couldn't hold back the grin.

"For the rest of our lives?" I asked a little bit anxiously.

"That's what I want." He affirmed with such natural, unconcerned inflection.

My grin broadened if that was even possible.

I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulled his face to me, kissed his lips and joined our foreheads.

"That's what I want too." I confessed softly.

We took a moment there, just gazing into each other's eyes and, in my case, gauging his emotions.

"Has it been hard on you?" My voice was barely there because of my hesitance in asking that. "Being only with me…?"

Jasper took a deep breath before answering cautiously.

"I want to be with you only, Edward." He assured me in a deep voice, his eyes guarded. "I used to do that to canalize my anger, my need for revenge, and it was irrational and stronger than me… It wasn't something I enjoyed, on the contrary, I felt horrible afterward, especially after you came into my life, but I needed that like an addict needs drugs…" He exhaled heavily and his eyes shimmered with emotion all of a sudden. "You changed my needs… You made me yearn for other sentiments, you made me addicted to your lightness, to the calm that surrounds me when we're together. So, no… It hasn't been hard, I don't miss it. I don't feel angry anymore, I feel…" He cut himself off abruptly as if he had choked on air.

I recognized the sign of the phobia and understood I needed to lighten up the mood.

"Horny…?" I provoked, just to take his mind off that topic.

It worked. He laughed.

"That too." He agreed while chuckling.

"So now you're addicted to me." I teased deliberately with a devilish smile and a naughty stare.

Jasper wasn't naive, he knew what I was doing. But he followed my lead anyway.

"I definitely am…" He said in a chuckle.

I chuckled too and then leaned in.

"Kiss me…?" I whispered.

And so he did… And as usual, we lost ourselves in each other.

At some point Jasper was shirtless and I was only in my underwear.

He broke the kiss with clear effort and I whined. He took me into his arms and carried me to his room, his eyes never leaving mine. No words were spoken.

Once I was laying on the bed, he shed the remaining of his clothes and pulled my briefs from my body. He came to me and hovered…

I thought he would start preparing me, as he always did. But he just straddled my legs, pulled me until I was sitting too, and held my face with tremulous hands.

"Since Max I've never given up control…" His tone was really low and hesitant. "I never allowed myself to be vulnerable to anyone, but… with you…" He heaved a deep breath. "I trust you." He stated and his voice was so firm right then that it was impossible for me to doubt it. "And more than that, I want you to have the same I have, I want us to be equals in this relationship."

"What are you saying, babe?" I uttered in sheer confusion. I really wasn't following.

Jasper swallowed hard and visibly.

"You gave me yourself completely… I want you to have me as completely as I have you, Edward." He took another deep breath and joined our foreheads. "You trusted me enough to be your first, you trusted me your body when you barely knew me…"

I jerked my head back in shock.

Am I understanding it correctly?

"You m-mean you... wan-want me to…" I stuttered, unsure.

"I want you to make love to me." Jasper affirmed in a surprisingly earnest tone before I could finish my sentence.

For a moment there I was dumbstruck. I kept staring at him, trying to make sure I had heard it right.

"Is it something you don't wanna do?" Jasper asked me cautiously. "Because if it is, it's…"

"It's not that I don't want to." I hastened to say before I hurt his feelings. "It's just…" I released a puff of air. "Jasper, I've never… You know you're my first, I had never had sex before you, how can I top you? I don't wanna hurt you."

He smiled and I read the relief in his amber eyes.

"You won't." He assured me in a gentle voice.

"I won't really know what I'm doing, babe." I countered softly.

"You will." He assured me again and then tilted my face a bit. "I trust you, Freckles, with my eyes closed. I know you will never do anything to hurt me on purpose."

"What if I… what if I mess this up? Oh, shit, I'm fucking nervous."

Jasper chuckled and kissed me kindly

"Hey, don't be." He asked so kindly and lovingly… "I want this. I want to give myself to you and feel you in me… I want you to have me this way."

I couldn't think… I didn't know what to say…

I can't breathe…

"Okay, I don't want you to do anything you don't feel prepared to." He once more assured me in a kind tone. "I can wait until you're ready."

But I want to do this!

"I wanna do it." The words rushed out of me. And Jasper smiled his big dimpled grin. "We need a safe word."

"We don't need a safe word, Edward." He chuckled while carding his fingers through my hair. "It's not rocket science, you know what to do, the same I do to you all the time." He was looking at me expectantly, so I nodded. "I trust you. Do you trust me?"

I nodded again.

"Do you really wanna do this?" He arched his eyebrows high, his whole face telling me he was as nervous as I was, only for a different reason. "Or you're doing it just to please me?"

I heaved a nervous trembling sigh and nodded once more.

"I want to do it, I'm just… A bit scared…" It sounded like a question at the end.

"Do you wanna wait for another moment?"

Stop being stupid! You want him! He's giving himself to you willingly and you're acting like a teenage girl!

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and looked at him while centering myself.

"I'm just being stupid. I'm sorry." I uttered in a low voice and Jasper parted his lips to speak. I covered his mouth with my hand. "I want you, topping me, bottoming for me, it doesn't matter, I just want you. I'm just fucking nervous because I've never done this before and I don't wanna mess it up."

"That's impossible." He said confidently as he took my hand away from over his lips. "You will never mess anything up… You're too damn perfect."

"I'm not."

"Shhhh." He silenced me with his fingertips.

And then he took my upper lip in between his, and there was nothing much I could say…

He kissed me tantalizingly with his eyes open and locked with mine… I saw his pupils dilating as I felt his cock getting harder and starting to poke my abdomen.

I held his waist with one hand and wrapped the other around his length. He closed his eyes, releasing a strong exhalation.

His hands descended between us and he caught my member in his big hands. The kiss was promptly broken because of the groan I let out…

We jerked each other for a while… Until I couldn't hold it back anymore.

He wants me to make love to him… I will make love to him.

Jasper wasn't only taller and larger than me. He was also way heavier. I really had no idea how I managed to suddenly swap our positions, from where that level of strength came, but I had him under me in a blink, his eyes bigger and surprised.

Without averting his intense stare from mine, he reached the drawer in the bedside table and took the lube bottle and a condom. He placed the condom beside us and gave me the bottle.

For just a split second I thought I would freak out… But I simply didn't. I took it, and all of a sudden I just knew what to do next.

I kissed him while I prepared him with the same affection and care he'd always directed at me. And when his breathing became erratic I realized he was ready, he didn't have to say a thing.

I extended my hand to reach the condom but Jasper was faster. He opened it with his teeth, clearly eager, and then rolled it down my shaft before I could even react.

Our gazes locked once more… He didn't have to utter a word, I could see all his emotions in the amber of his irises. My heart started to pound like crazy.

"You have to tell me if I do something wrong." I whispered while leaning in. "I can stop whenever you tell me to."

Jasper held my face in his hands and kissed me briefly.

"I won't tell you to stop, and you won't do anything wrong." He assured me in his deep husky voice. "Just… Don't make me wait any longer, Freckles… I'm dying here." He finished with a light chuckle.

That didn't make me not even a tiny bit calmer.

I was shaking… I was a nervous wreck. But still I looked down, positioned myself carefully against his entrance, and forced my way in.

"Ah…" He heaved.

I looked at him promptly, fearing I had hurt him. But he had his eyes closed and his teeth against his bottom lip… I knew that face well enough by then… He was beyond aroused.

I continued slowly, so focused on him that it wasn't that difficult to control the urges that were violently rising within me. And once I was inside him to the hilt I stopped. He opened his eyes and they were so dark it was almost scary.

"You're okay?" He asked in a grave tone.

"Shouldn't I be asking that?" I released the words in a heavy exhalation.

Jasper chuckled and promptly moaned, together with me, because of the sensation it provoked where we were connected.

"You can move now... Please?"

I took a huge deep breath because I had an idea of what I was about to feel…

"Fucking damn holy hell!" I muttered as the sensations overwhelmed me.

My eyes were involuntarily squeezed shut while I thrust into Jasper… And then he fucking crossed his legs around my hips.

"Holy fucking shit!" This time I groaned. "I won't last long, babe…" I warned before I clenched my teeth.

"Look at me." His tone was deep and slightly demanding.

I did as I was told.

"Let's do this together, angel." He asked really gently.

"You feel too fucking good for me to handle…" I told him in a restrained tone.

Jasper smiled to me, a smile I had never seen before, it seemed… pure and contented, light in a way that made him look vulnerable.

"You have no idea of how you feel inside me…" He whispered and then moaned softly because I moved a bit harder.

I held his neck and angled his head to me, molding my lips against his in an earnest kiss… And incredibly, because I was so focused on moving fluidly with him, our bodies got in sync and I was more in control.

Once I was sure I wouldn't lose my mind in a second, I broke the kiss and looked at him, this intensity taking over my whole being…

"You're mine, right?" It just came out of me in a broken whisper.

Jasper brought his face closer to mine and nodded, his eyes glinting.

"I'm yours." I stated in a murmur before kissing him again.

It didn't take much longer for us to reach the climax…

When we did it took over us simultaneously and in a different way from all the other times. I couldn't explain it properly but… it felt more fulfilling, more real, more emotional.

We didn't exchange not even a single word… We just kissed softly, shared a deeply affectionate gaze, and held each other.

After our hearts calmed down, we got up from the bed and Jasper took my hand, walking us to the ensuite. We showered together in silence, this peaceful aura around us as if we were both dazzled.

Some minutes later we laid down on the bed naked, and Jasper kissed me on the forehead before I turned, and then he pulled me to him until my back was flush with his chest. I closed my eyes, although I was far from sleepy. I was so wired up because of everything that had happened that night that I just couldn't stop reliving it all in my mind.

And for almost an hour I was there, quiet, just too comfortable with him spooning me to move. I thought he had already fallen asleep because his breathing was even and he was too still.

But then I heard his deep intake of air and felt his arms tightening around me. And then I heard his soft words…

"If I could, I would stop the clock…" It was barely a whisper. "...and stay like this with you forever." He took another deep breath and squeezed me a little more while I tried as hard as I could not to let my emotions take the best of me and give away that I was awake. "I always swallow the words I mean to say to you but they are all in my head and in my heart, all the time, every second of my day, my angel…"

I could feel his heart perfectly against my upper back… It was in sync with mine, which was threatening to rip my chest open. I was also having a pretty difficult time controlling my breathing.

"I hope you can hear what I feel in my voice, and see it in my eyes, Edward…" He resumed even more softly, unaware I was listening. "I hope you know that I…" He gasped and became quiet.

A whole minute passed before Jasper exhaled heavily, kissed my head, and nestled his in the crook of my neck.

I know you love me, babe. And I love you too.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter16#

I had just parked my car in the lot when my phone rang. It was a restricted number.

I usually never answered such calls but, I'm not sure why, I was curious.

"Leo speaking."

"So you use your middle name… Does he know who you really are?"

"Who's this?"

"You should get out of his life… If you really know what's best for you."

"Who is this?"I repeated in a demanding voice but the stranger hung up. "Coward."

I got in the club striding, inexplicably angry and fiddling with my phone. And I guess my face was giving away my disturbance because Jasper came to me as I crossed the main door.

"Hey…" He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder, frowning while clearly scrutinizing my countenance. "Something wrong?"

"I just got the weirdest call…" I blurted out, still a little absentminded.

"Tell me." He asked me calmly.

I told him everything. There wasn't much to tell anyway...

Oddly, Jasper got all tense and fished his phone from his pocket faster than I could follow.

"Mon?" He said after just a minute. "I think he's got Edward's number." It was my turn to frown while I tried to understand what was happening. "Yeah." He listened for another minute or so, then looked at me. "Okay, I'll do that."

And with that, he hung up.

"Why did you call your brother-in-law?" I asked confused.

Jasper pulled me until we reached the hall of the club, which at that time was still empty.

"He's a federal agent. And he's been monitoring Maxence since before he showed up here." He explained hurriedly. "I didn't tell you any of this because..."

"He needs to remain inconspicuous." I completed his sentence. "I know."

Of course Jasper was immediately puzzled.

"How?"

I really didn't want to talk about Dimitri, but...

"My older brother is also a federal agent." I told him in an annoyed sigh. "Is your sister…?"

"She's a detective from the MPD." Jasper clarified simply.

Oh, that explains a lot!

I just sighed, overwhelmed with so much information at once.

"So what did Monroe say?" I was curious despite the confusion in my head.

"That he'll be dealing with it. For now, you should answer only the calls which you recognize the numbers."

I nodded, but I didn't like that… Not even a little. I just had a bad feeling about all that.