Taking a leave of absence from college and going to spend some real quality time with my brother in Washington had proven to be a very good decision.

Being around him and his family and feeling surrounded by real care and love made me realize I was more than the lonely rejected ex-teen that had run away from home just to find freedom.

It also made me understand better what I really wanted to do with my life, it made me yearn for things I had never thought that were possible to me or that I deserved…

And so it made me decide on a new path, which I had already drawn in my mind.

I felt good when I stepped back into my apartment five months later with my resolutions on the forefront of my head. There were so many things I had to do, so much stuff I had to deal with, but I was actually glad about the prospect of being busy until I could start the next chapter of my newly chosen journey.

As I put my bags on the floor next to the door I had just closed behind me, I looked at the pack in my hand and smiled. I walked to the small fireplace I had in my living room, opened it carefully, and placed the picture frame Linda had given me on the mantle shelf.

My smile broadened as I stared at the photo she had taken when Dimi and I went fishing. My brother had one of his arms around my neck and a huge smile on his lips while I had my head rested on his shoulder and a stupid grin flashing my teeth and giving away my joy.

It was great to have him back in my life. I had my hero, my first best friend to count on. I also had a caring sister-in-law, a very affectionate niece, and a fun nephew, who had welcomed me with so much love…

I had family again.

My heart felt full and warm. I was happy.

I picked up my bags and went to my room, intending to start unpacking and then take a shower. I needed to go to the university to put things in motion. And I got to my closet with the same light spirit I had brought inside me from Washington but, as soon as I opened the first drawer to place the few clean shirts I had brought back, sadness took me over.

A forest green shirt folded on top of all my others elicited a memory from a time I had been trying hard not to evoke.

Without really thinking, I picked it up and brought it to my face, closing my eyes and inhaling the scent that, surprisingly, was still present in the fabric.

"Isn't it too large for you?" Jasper asked in a chuckle when he saw me putting his shirt on.

"All your shirts are too large for me…" I replied with a smile. "But none of the shirts I brought are clean." I shrugged. "Besides… it smells like you." I made a point of sniffing the sleeve. "I like to wear your clothes."

Jasper came to me with gleaming eyes and his dimpled smile, wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me close.

"I've noticed." He said practically on my lips. "I'm starting to think that this is why you haven't brought more of your stuff…"

"It's your fault." I affirmed in a soft chuckle. "You're the one that made me wear your clothes even when there was something mine around."

"I like to see you wearing my clothes." He clarified before kissing my lips briefly. "But I think you have a preference for this shirt, don't you? You usually pick this one."

"Isn't it one of your favorites?" I arched my eyebrows. Jasper nodded.

We both chuckled. He leaned in.

"It's yours now." He whispered. "Then you'll have something of mine with you when I'm not around."

I smiled content. He kissed me.

I squeezed my eyes for a second then shook my head to push away the recollection. My heart was immediately sore and my eyes were stinging but I refused to cry.

It had been more than three months since the last time I had shed tears for the heart-eater.

I still thought of him from time to time, it was impossible not to… But I felt stronger and more determined to keep what we had in the past, preferably in a sealed box buried in the deepest recess of my mind.

Taking several deep breaths, I made a fresh new decision and went to the pantry to pick up a cardboard box. The shirt went in it first, soon followed by every single little thing that belonged to Jasper that was lying around my apartment. The last thing I found was in my en-suite, one of his black hair ties, and I felt tempted to keep it since I had the excuse of my grown hair but... I wanted to erase his presence from my life completely, so it joined the other objects.

Once I had this done, I kinda entered in a sort of automatic mode and did my things with a blank mind.

An hour and a half later, I sat on my couch and picked up my phone.

Ryan and I had kept in touch and he was still the person I would confide in. During my time away, we had called each other often and talked about everything. Our friendship was even more solid than before, and I knew he would forever be in my life despite the distance.

I sighed as I waited for the call to connect.

"Hey, there!" He answered joyfully as usual. "Are you finally back in Atlanta?"

I smiled. He had known I would be back that day but not exactly what time I'd arrive.

"I got here just a couple of hours ago."

"Yep, he's back." I knew he was telling Alec that. "You remember our deal, right?"

My smile broadened.

"I do. I'll have dinner with you guys tonight."

"Alec will cook." Ry's voice was excited and I knew he was smiling too.

"I look forward to eating the food you can't shut up about." I replied joyfully before turning serious. "Hey, I have a favor to ask."

"Shoot."

I paused for a moment, just to guarantee that I had myself together.

"I was organizing some things around here and… I have a box full of Jasper's stuff…" Saying his name aloud after so long hurt my throat and my heart. "Can you take it to him for me?"

Ryan sighed and I promptly knew he had the urge to talk to me about Jasper.

He had tried to bring him up in our talks several times. But I guessed that, since I'd repeatedly told him I didn't want to know, he had probably decided that he should just let it go.

"Okay, no problem. Bring it with you later." It was all he uttered about the matter. "What about college, when are you going there?" His tone had no inflection whatsoever when he changed the subject.

"Today." I answered simply. "As soon as we hang up."

"So you're really going through with it." It wasn't a question, and I could hear the disagreement still very much present in his tone, although I could tell he was trying to hide it.

"I am. You know my reasons."

"I do." Ryan sighed again. "Okay, we'll talk better once you get here. Don't be late, I'm anxious to see you."

"I missed you too, Ry." I replied smiling. "Put me on speaker."

I heard a low beep.

"You're on."

"Alec!" I called my best friend's boyfriend.

"I'm here, Kid." He answered in a jolly voice.

"You'll have to share Ry with me tonight. I'm missing my friend like crazy. Besides, I don't wanna feel like the third wheel, okay?" I kinda provoked him playfully.

I heard both their laughs and laughed too.

"Okay, you can have a piece of him, but nothing below the waist." Alec replied, chuckling.

"You hand me out too easily." Ryan retorted mockingly.

We laughed a little more.

"Oh, Edward, you're staying after dinner, right? I'll prepare the spare room." Alec added.

"Well, if you want me to stay, I'll stay."

I heard them chuckling.

"I do, sure, but it's actually your best friend here that's so anxious to see you and spend time with you that I'm pretty sure the two of you will talk until dawn."

"Guess you're right." I chuckled again. "Okay then, I'll go now, guys. I have a bunch of things to deal with before I go there."

"Okay." Alec said.

"Bring wine." Ryan asked. "We have two bottles here but I don't think it'll be enough."

I laughed lightly.

"Are you planning on getting me drunk?"

"Maybe." He laughed.

"Maybe my ass, he sure is." Alec asserted with a chuckle.

Laughing a bit more, I shook my head.

"I'll see you guys later."

The call was disconnected after they bid me goodbye and I took a deep breath before looking at the box.

All the joy my conversation with Ryan and Alec had provoked vanished. My heart felt suddenly small and sore once again.

I got up, picked it up, and left my apartment, trying to remain out of my own head as much as I could.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter20#

I leaned on the backrest of the chair and sighed. I was pretty sure my smile was a lazy one because I felt full and satisfied.

"This mushroom pie was amazing, Alec." I praised my friend. "You cook really well."

Alec smiled and stood up.

"I'm glad you liked it, Kid. I made it especially for you. Ry told me how much you like pastries." He explained and then winked. "Dessert?"

"Yes!" Ryan replied enthusiastically. "The best pudding in town!"

Alec and I laughed.

"It seems the old saying is really accurate… At least the way to Ryan's heart apparently is through the stomach." I said to Alec.

"Indeed!" He replied while we looked at Ry and laughed lightly.

"It's not my fault he makes the best food I've ever eaten." Ry said, shrugging and chuckling. "But trust me, his food is not the only thing I'm crazy about." He winked at me.

I pretended to be shocked and covered my mouth before laughing.

"Too much information, Ry." I was able to utter between chuckles.

"Yes, the kid doesn't need to know that you're a pervert." Alec added in a mocking tone.

Ryan just laughed with me and then stood up too.

"Let's take dessert to the balcony."

I nodded and mimicked him.

"I'll help Alec, you pick the wine." I told him before taking our plates.

I followed Alec to the kitchen.

In only a few minutes the three of us were outside enjoying the city view and night air.

"We should definitely do this every Monday until you leave." Alec said to me before sitting on the arm of the sofa, beside his boyfriend.

I smiled while observing Ryan wrapping his left arm around Alec's waist and resting his head on his chest.

"It's the one day off you two have on the week." I spoke lightly as I sipped the wine. "I'm sure you two will want to do something more private."

Ryan and Alec shared a look and smiled at each other before my best friend gazed at me.

"I wanted to tell you this in person since it's important…" He again looked at Alec, that nodded, and smiled broadly before bringing back his joyful stare at my eyes. "We're living together."

My smile broadened spontaneously, my gaze flicking immediately at Alec.

"You moved in?"

He nodded and grinned.

"Four days ago."

"That's amazing you guys!"

"So now, since we get to spend more time together…" Alec started to explain.

"And soon we won't have you around so much…" Ryan completed.

"We want to spend some quality time with you while we can." Alec finished clarifying.

"Then, from now until you're gone, Monday night is ours." Ryan stated with one of his trade toothy grins. "And this is not open to discussion." He concluded with a playful defiant stare.

"Oh, okay." I chuckled, happy with their display of affection.

"Now tell us all about your plans." Alec kinda demanded.

"And more about San Diego's University of California." Ryan added.

I chuckled again, arching my eyebrows high in contentment because of their obvious interest.

And then I told them all about the new path I was about to start trailing.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter20#

Alec had gone to bed, a bit tipsy and too sleepy to keep up with Ryan and me.

It was way past three in the morning, and I was definitely a little drunk but still lucid.

Ryan took a deep breath before getting up from the sofa and coming to sit on the coffee table right before me. He leaned towards me with a serious look on his face.

"I know you don't wanna hear about him, but I need to tell you some things." His tone was earnest, grave.

I huffed and looked away from him, biting the corner of my lower lip.

"I went out with Aiden about a month ago…" He spoke carefully, slowly, testing my reactions, I assumed. "He'd been asking to talk since he learned you were away. I avoided him as much as I could because I was angry at him for what he did to you… And for some time he didn't insist… But then one night, after closing, he asked me face to face and I couldn't ignore what I saw in his eyes… The devastation was so fucking clear. That was the first time in a while that I took a good look at him and it was undeniable that he was a complete wreck, he really looked terrible… I had to hear him out." He paused. "He was truly suffering, Edward. I had never seen Aiden like that, not even after Gabe's death."

I squeezed my eyes intensely, heaved a sigh, and glared at my friend.

"What does it have to do with me?" I questioned in a harsh tone.

Ryan's eyes were full of understanding as he furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"Everything." He affirmed confidently.

I averted my eyes while feeling my heart clenching inside my chest. My throat was promptly dry.

"It's been five months, Ry…" I reasoned in an unstable voice. "He sure is over me by now."

"He isn't." He affirmed pointedly, which made me look at him. "He's in worse shape than before. He's barely been around and when he is it's clear he's way beyond broken."

My breathing got a little hectic, just like my heartbeats. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and sighed.

"I don't care." I lied.

I felt Ry's hand on my knee.

"Edward, I think you should let him explain what happened…." His tone was still cautious, but there was this certainty underlining it… it incited a sliver of curiosity in me.

However, I was still hurt, and peeved, and definitely not convinced. I brought my eyes back to Ryan's and squinted.

"Is there another explanation for what I saw back then, besides the fact that he's a fucking sick promiscuous lying bastard?" My eyes stung as the words left me in obvious outrage.

It was my best friend's turn to heave a weighted sigh and stare at me acutely.

"Things may be different from what they seem, Edward. Sometimes there's more behind the surface…" He spoke pointedly.

Ryan wasn't one to speak carelessly. He only said things and insisted on them if he was certain, so his words and his plain conviction shook me… it raised doubts within me… I was suddenly and involuntarily reconsidering my resolutions regarding Jasper.

But then again, I was a stubborn person. It was in my nature to fight whatever went against my decisions.

"I don't care." I heard myself repeating even though my mind was still working on his affirmations. "Nothing justifies what he did."

"You never let him clarify what really happened, Edward, you never let him explain…"

"I gave him a chance to but he said nothing." I countered, and Ryan seemed a little confused for a second, but he recovered quickly. "I asked him for a reason, he didn't give me one."

"He told you he was trying to protect you." Ryan contradicted me and then I knew Jasper had told him about the morning he'd shown up in my apartment.

"And I obviously didn't believe him!" I hastened to say in a rough voice and then I ranted. "Ryan, I saw him being utterly fucked by the man who raped him! The guy was taking him furiously as if he owned him, and he was letting him! His dick was hard, for fuck sake! I know his sounds, I know how he grunts when he's enjoying it, and…" I choked on the words as my sight blurred with stupid tears. I took in a deep breath and exhaled heavily as they started to trickle down my face. "Put yourself in my shoes, would you believe him?"

Ryan slumped his shoulders and looked down for a couple of seconds before bringing his eyes back to mine.

"I wouldn't." He agreed dejectedly. "I understand perfectly where you're coming from and you're right. But… If I were you, even being so deeply hurt I would want to know the whole truth. I would surely listen to my best friend if he told me there was more to the story. Especially if this friend was one that would never encourage me to do anything unless he was certain it was for my benefit."

We shared a profound stare for a moment I couldn't really pinpoint. And I saw how confident he was of his words. Also, I would never doubt Ryan's care for me, so I knew he had put a lot of thought into telling me all that.

I closed my eyes while sighing, feeling my resolve crumbling down.

"I can't see him again." I explained while gazing at Ryan with deliberate pleading eyes. "I don't wanna give in and get hurt again. I still love him, Ryan." I admitted. "I love him like crazy and I don't know how strong I can be around him, I can't take the chance." I sniffed, trying to stop the fucking tears from flooding my eyes, but they wouldn't budge. "I'm doing what I can to... unlove him. I can't just let my guard down."

"What if I told you he loves you just the same…?" He asked carefully and I shook my head no. "Edward, listen to me, you two are suffering, and that's because you truly love each other, you both want to be together. Maybe, if you let him explain, you'll see that what he did… Yes, it was fucked up and it hurt you a damn lot but… it hurt him too, a lot more than you can imagine and in ways that you can't even phantom. The thing is… He had a dire reason to act the way he did. He had to make a choice, a damn hard one, and believe me when I say that he had his heart in the right place. I'm sure you'll understand all of it if you listen to him and, maybe, you'll find in yourself the strength to forgive him."

"Why don't you tell me?" I questioned impatiently. "You seem to know the fucking reason pretty well."

Ryan shook his head.

"You have to hear the whole story and you have to hear it from him. I've already said too much and behind his back. He asked me not to tell you anything, he doesn't want me to interfere, but I can't just sit and watch you both simply give up on each other. What you two have is real." He clarified passionately.

I hesitated…

My heart and my head were torn… I didn't know what to do.

"Just give him a chance to explain." Ryan insisted. "Hear him out. You don't have to do much besides listening."

I released the air in a gush and closed my eyes while covering my face with my hands. Ryan held my wrists gently and encouraged me to look at him again.

"I know you're hurt and scared, and I don't want you to feel pressured. And I promise I won't insist anymore if you tell me that no is your final word." He assured me. "I Just think that clearing everything out will ease your pain and, at least, give you some closure."

I vacillated for a couple more seconds and then, feeling my heart weirdly getting warmer, I nodded before I was even sure of what I was doing.

The truth was… Having the chance to get some closure, to be able to truly leave it all behind, those prospects gave me hope, made me anticipate some relief from the pain I had to constantly put up with…

I believed that was why I agreed.

Ryan smiled softly and nodded too, and then he slid his hand into mine and squeezed them reassuringly.

I smiled back.

#(Dis)Sonant*Chapter20#

It all happened a week later…

My apartment was finally sold but I still had two weeks before having to hand it over to the new owner. I had planned to pack slowly, and I had started just the previous afternoon with Ryan's help.

There were two boxes in my living room and two more next to the kitchen counter. I felt a little weird that Wednesday morning when I had to swerve so as not to bump into them while I walked to my fridge.

I was certain of what I had to do… I wanted to do what I was doing… But inside me something was unbalanced, there was a void I was insisting on ignoring, and my heart seemed weak, tired…

Shaking my head to dismiss my musings, I chugged the orange juice straight from the carton. I dragged myself to my sofa and sat, looking at the huge bubble wrap roll next to my armchair.

The urge to pop all those plastic bubbles at once made me laugh with myself… I had to admit I was nervous because of all the changes I was about to go through.

Is it cold feet? It can't be, I have nothing to lose.

I bent my upper body forward, placed my elbows on my knees, and rested my head in my hands.

Is it about Jasper?

I shook my head so strongly that I felt a bit dizzy. I carded my fingers through my hair and sighed.

And that was when the doorbell rang.

I frowned at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone, especially not that early.

It must be Ryan.

That thought made me overlook the fact that I was shirtless and my hair was disheveled. I walked unhurriedly, predicting that my best friend would start banging before I reached the door as usual, but that didn't happen.

And I understood why as soon as I opened the door.

My breath got caught up in my throat and my heart skipped a beat or two as I had to tilt my head up to look at his composed face.

"Jasper." The murmur just left me without my consent.