Memento Mori

A Selection of shorts and unrelated one-shots. Mostly stuff that comes to my head while watching the show or things I think should have happened. Things I would like to see. Jane Centric, but there will be shorts about the other characters as well.


Another attempt at a happy short. Just a little something that popped into my head. Hope you enjoy!


Jane finds something she can't do.

The Nerdy Martha Stewart

She should have known it would end like this. It was a disaster; it had been the moment she had entered the room. Jane coughed as smoke filled her lungs, the shrill screaming of the fire alarm piercing her eardrums as she desperately tried to rectify her mistake.

Jane Doe was a terrible cook. She had learned this lesson the hard way.

How does someone even burn rice! She found herself thinking as she pried open the window of her safe house, letting the thick white smoke escape into the frozen night air. The screaming of the alarm finally dying down, leaving behind the sound of sizzling chicken and the low, upbeat country music in the background.

Rushing to the stove and removing the blackened chicken and rice, Jane sighed, her hands moving to her hips as she glared at the inedible food before her.

I guess I was not the type to cook in my old life?

Turning the stove off she moved to the fridge, opening the door and grimacing at the smell that greeted her. She was sure the sweet chilli beef was about a week old, the vegetables had started growing their own colony and she couldn't stomach pizza for the fourth night in a row.

Sighing, Jane closed the door, the horrid smell of overcooked chicken, way too much garlic and burnt rice still invading her nostrils. Collecting the pans from the side she promptly emptied their contents into the waiting bin, hearing the distinct sizzle of melting the plastic as the hot, (still slightly smoking) food hit the bottom of the trash can.

It was strange for her, finding something she couldn't do. She could speak four languages; (That she knew of) she could shoot just about any weapon handed to her with perfect precision, she could fly a helicopter and she could fight men twice the size of her and beat them without breaking a sweat…but in all her years training to become the perfect soldier, apparently she had skipped the home economics class.

Her stomach rumbled, screaming at her for food and as Jane moved towards the fridge once again, it was with a smile on her face. She may not be having the chicken and rice she had been dreaming about all day, but she was going to have something much better.

Reaching into the back of the fridge, Jane pulled two large cream filled doughnuts from the vegetable drawer, topped with chocolate and a healthy helping of honey. It may not have been the nutritious meal she had planned to eat, but she didn't care. She was an adult and there was no one around to tell her she couldn't have doughnuts for dinner.

Moments later, Jane found herself sitting cross-legged on her tattered sofa, the delicious plate of sweet treats in front of her complete with a generous helping of chocolate biscuits.

She had no idea why, but ever since she had crawled out of that bag in time square, she had had an insatiable sweet tooth. As she took a bite of the doughnut she could still smell the aroma of burnt rice and chicken wafting through to the living room. She made a face. If she was this terrible at cooking, she didn't even want to know how much of a disaster it would be if she tried to bake something.

Baking? She thought; Patterson was always baking things and bringing them into the team. She was like a cute, nerdy Martha Stewart. Maybe she could teach Jane a thing or two about cooking. After all, Patterson was the only one that was nice to her and Jane was sure she could tempt her with a bottle of wine or two.

The tattooed woman smiled as she took another bite of her cream filled doughnut, reaching to the side table and picking up her phone. Patterson's number was on speed dial.

The phone rang three times before Patterson's sweet voice greeted her.

"Patterson"

"Hey, it's Jane, I uh…I was wondering if I could ask you a favour?" Jane said she bit her lip as she waited for her response.

"Jane!" Patterson's voice sounded generally happy to hear from her. It warmed the dark-haired woman's heart. "Of course! What do you need?"

"I ah…" Jane cleared her throat. "I was wondering if maybe…you could teach me how to cook."

The high-pitched squeal on the other end of the phone made Jane move it away from her ear, not being able to contain the smile that crossed her features as the young tech burst into a fit of giggles and excited enthusiasm.

"Oh my god yes!" She said Jane could hear crashing in the background. "I will be right over!"

"What…now?" Jane asked surprised.

"Yes now!" Patterson answered. "We have no time to lose. I don't suppose you have anything but leftover takeaway at your place huh?"

Jane started to answer but was once again cut off by the exciting young blond. "What am I saying, of course, you don't, you practically live off leftover pizza and cake."

Jane smiled at the woman's attempt to scold her.

"Alright, I will pick up some stuff on the way over. This is going to be so fun!"

The click on the other end told Jane the other woman had hung up. Jane shook her head in amusement.

What had she gotten herself into?


There you go, short and sweet. More to come. Hope you enjoyed it. :) Please tell me what you think!

AW