(Damien Rice – 9 Crimes)
This morning had started with Weevil's funeral and ended with a fresh murder investigation.
The Funeral Home business in this town must be very lucrative…
Logan had changed from his shirt and dress slacks into sweatpants and a Neptune High athletics slogan t-shirt To err is human, to arr is Pirate. He stared at the news broadcast streaming highlights of Beach Squad interviews featuring Caitlin Ford and clips of the area where her body was found, and her parent's house.
He could almost picture the media camped outside on their lawn waiting for leads as the story unfolded. The last time he'd been in that part of Neptune was a party at Steve Wilks house just before end of Senior year. Turning the volume off he sighed and he ran a hand through his hair tossing the remote aside. Laying his head back on the couch he closed his eyes.
What do you do with grief that isn't yours? When he was outside the support system of the friends and family who were closest to her?
Logan's mind had been filled with a million questions after Veronica ushered him back to the car, but the truth overpowered all of them. Caitlin was dead, and none of those answers would ever bring her back.
The unconscious mind wears no wristwatch…
He had not lost someone who was sewn into the fabric of his everyday life. Yet he felt himself navigating the ebbs and flows of grief, rage and helplessness. Regrets were pointless and evil. They were insidious. They slipped into the brain and ate up all of the good memories, replacing them with revised thoughts of the past. perhaps that's why he was struggling? He was grappling with the fact that the door to ever mending fences with Caitlin was forever closed.
She hadn't been the best girlfriend, in truth most of the people in her life would probably agree she had spent much of that time as a spoiled horrible little brat but when he stood back rehashing everything. So had he. She'd cheated on him with Chardo, something that at the time he'd found unforgivable enough to eject her from his life… That pain had never been resolved, and now it never would be.
Ms James had advised the student body to 'be curious about their grief and ask it what it needed from them, to listen and respond.'
Caitlin's transgressions paled in comparison to revelations about his father and Lily and yet as he'd destroyed those video tapes he'd forgiven Lily. Part of him still felt her absence every day like emotional nerve endings frayed from a missing limb.
So why hadn't he ever reached out to extend the same courtesy to Caitlin?
Maybe part of him had harbored the slim hope of one day making it right. There was no residue of emotional baggage and no lingering love. His grief stemmed from the fact that they were supposed to have had the rest of their lives to make amends.
It didn't feel right that in his personal story… she was merely anecdotal.
"You know, a yawn is a silent scream for coffee." Veronica quipped interrupting his musings.
Logan sat up to see her standing in his doorway holding up a small tray containing two to-go cups from Java the Hut. Veronica had changed from her funeral clothes too, now that the arrest reports for Tim Foyle were completed, she'd spent the afternoon with Mac while Logan came back home to the Neptune Grand.
Logan sat upright. "Honey, you're home."
"Hey." She said softly.
"You brought coffee?" Logan asked with raised eyebrows looking at the espresso machine behind her. "Out of the tears of your enemies."
Veronica shrugged. "It's either coffee or therapy."
"After the last few days, I think I could use both." Logan commented as she handed him a beverage.
"Yeah, it's been a latte to handle." Veronica sighed as she slid onto the couch beside him, they spent the last few hours of the night quietly watching the television reports.
She didn't bring up the case, or that she'd read the coroners report detailing Caitlin's trip to stabby town. Logan didn't share his thoughts of guilt over Caitlin.
They didn't mention how quiet the penthouse was without Dick's usual flamboyant intrusions, or that he'd almost died. They didn't talk about Mac or the pregnancy.
Neither discussed Weevil's funeral, but the understanding between was clear that it was okay not to be okay.
This morning had started with her waking up in Logan's arms and it ended with him falling asleep in hers.
