A/N: Thank you all so much for reading my series of ficlets. I still haven't gotten around to writing the one about Stealing The Mystic Lamb. It's a really good book, just a little dry; but, a fascinating history of art theft. Gaben, thank you so much for being my ever patient beta! You are truly amazing and deserve much more than a little shout-out. Avidreader19, floralisette, Gaben, Harm Marie, khaller12841, ninjaeris13, rivendellelve, Terra Young, T.R. Blessing, and WhiskeySkye thank you so much for taking the time to favorite, follow and review. It means a lot!
Chapter 5: Grumpy Days
Sophie stormed into the Leverage spaces waving a book around. "This… This isn't literature!" At the confused look that the other four gave her she elaborated. "Great literature is Jane Austen! It's William Shakespeare! Christ, I'd even say Nora Roberts is literature!" She dropped her purse narrowly missing Nate's toe never missing a beat in her tirade. "This E.L. James lady, she does not write literature."
As she stalked into the kitchen area Parker snagged the book out of Sophie's hand. "Fifty Shades of Grey?"
Hardison didn't look up from his computer. "Ooh, the mommy porn book."
Nate and Eliot's head both swiveled around at that declaration. "How do you know about it?" The mastermind asked a little surprised that the hacker had heard of it.
"The waitresses downstairs were discussing it. They were going off on how hot the sex scenes were."
"Sex? Where? There aren't any pictures." Parker was flipping through the pages. "I want to see sex." Having reached the end she tossed the book on the table and resumed her relaxed pose, sprawling across the entire table. "I like sex."
Sophie let out a delicate cough as she tried to contain her laugh. Parker could always be counted on to brighten one's day with the things coming out of her mouth.
"I thought that it was decently well written." Every head swiveled towards Eliot with a questioning look. "In the traditional sense of great literature it's pretty awful; but, it is very approachable. And an easy read."
"Umm…" Hardison looked up from his bank of computers. "When did you… Read it? Isn't it chick lit?"
"Mary had it on CD." Eliot shrugged.
"Who's Mary?" Nate asked as he took a drink from his coffee cup.
"Yes, who is Mary?" This from Sophie who was taking the kettle off the stove and making a cup of Earl Grey, decaffeinated; because her nerves were a bit on end from the discussion over THAT book. However, this tidbit on Mary was very intriguing.
"My physical therapist." Eliot moved towards the kitchen. "Some popcorn would be nice."
"With butter and salt?" This came from behind the wall of computer screens that Hardison had erected like a little fortress.
Nate shook his head, the team's hitter was almost as good at deflecting attention from himself as the team grifter, Sophie.
"I thought physical therapists were only for hurt people."
"Parker from sound of it," Eliot thought; he looked up and confirmed his suspicion she was upside down on the couch Which explained why her voice was different. "She keeps me from getting hurt." Was the hitter's grunted explanation, as he started hunting for his stash of coconut oil that he got from a friend who worked in a movie theater.
"Why were you listening to it?" This came from Sophie who was carefully moving the tea ball around in her cup.
"I don't get: 'Not getting hurt?'" Parker lifted her head up. "Have you had sex with her?"
"What are you all interrogating the man for?" Hardison jumped in "Can't a man enjoy some women's erotic literature?"
"Hmph." The grifter let out a not very delicate snort as Eliot was carefully measuring out oil and popcorn. "It would have been nice if that thing that calls itself a book had been erotic."
Nate reached out and picked up the black paperback from the table and started reading the back. "Makes more sense now."
"What?" Sophie asked. The rapid fire conversations with the team still made her laugh even after this many years. "Nate, what makes sense now?"
"The comic I saw yesterday; Fifty Shades of Hay."
After a momentary pause in the discussion the hacker pointed at the big screen "This one?" he said pulling up a graphic of a lavender 'My Little Pony' up. It was titled Pervy Pony.
Nate looked up. "Nope."
"Can purple ponies poop glitter?"
Eliot just rolled his eyes as he tossed the popcorn in the pot so no kernels burned. He'd thought about getting a popper; but, just couldn't justify a one use only kitchen tool. Just took up a lot of space. Although, a pizza peel would be really nice! Especially since Hardison and Parker would eat just about anything as long as it was on a pizza crust.
"How about this one?"
Nate looked up at the big screen again at the larger than life line drawing showing a horse in bed reading Fifty Shades of Hay with sweat running down its brow and a fan in its other hoof. Reading the caption again the mastermind started chuckling which made Eliot read the screen.
"…They slipped behind the barn and quickly removed each other's harnesses there, with nothing to rein them in, it would be a night of unbridled passion."
"That's the one."
"Pretty good." Eliot gave the popcorn another shake, it was popping now; another minute or two and it would be done. One of the benefits of Portland was that there was a huge foodie population and he could get almost anything. The popcorn he was making was grown by a local farmer, not on some company farm somewhere where it had been sprayed with weed-killers, pesticides, and the such!
"So, you actually read that… That.. That thing."
Rolling his eyes at Sophie Eliot shook the popcorn hoping it would cover his answer; "No, I listened to it. Mary had it on CD." Giving the popcorn one more shake and turning off the stove's gas he added mentally "I already said that."
"Why don't you hate it?" Sophie added with an accusing glare as she lifted her tea cup for a delicate sip.
"It's written in a style very similar to those vampire books you liked."
"Twilight?"
"Yeah, that's the one." Eliot carefully dumped the popcorn into a large ceramic bowl. "Also, the Harry Potter books. They are all written in a way which draws the reader into the story and invites them to know the characters, and encourages them to empathize with characters. The authors provide enough detail to allow you to visualize the scenery and the action; but, they don't put in so much that they bog down the story."
Reaching the couch Eliot grabbed the remote, flipped on ESPN, and cranked up the volume effectively ending any conversation.
E/N: both of the comics are real as is the book (which I think that most Americans know of Fifty Shades of Grey). The Pervy Pony is from funnyjunk dot com, and the other horse comic is from everythingfunny dot org. Or just google Fifty Shades of Hay and laugh at the many results which come up!
