Krolia tried to make sense of it all but the more she thought about it, less real it all felt. Even when she was standing in front of the Black Lion, she couldn't quite believe it. But the sheer responsibility of it all, having the entire universe on her shoulders, it was all too real.
How had Shiro done it?
Somehow Shiro had held all of existence on his back and never stumbled. He had made it look easy. How were you supposed to walk in the steps of a giant? The shadow Shiro cast was too great. Everyone had congratulated her once the Castle was safe, but she could have seen it in their eyes. She was no Shiro.
"Is it starting to sink in yet?"
She wasn't the only one who had come to the hangar for some soul searching and saw Coran looking at the Blue Lion.
"Still trying to take it all in." Krolia said.
Coran twirled his mustache thoughtfully.
"I understand. I spent decades preparing for this moment and now that is finally here… its all a bit much."
Coran brushed the Blue Lion's armor.
"I am just happy that Lance won't have to keep wearing himself down."
"You knew?" Krolia said.
"I'm not blind but… we had no options left. The Blue Lion chose him, and it kept him safe. He kept us safe. Now, its my turn to keep him safe."
"How did he take it? Having you pilot Blue?" Krolia asked.
"He's a good boy and terrified of being a burden. I asked Keith to cheer him up." Coran said.
Lance sat in the Castle's kitchen, and he could hear and smell the bacon frizzling on the pan. Eggs were scrambled on a hot pan and coffee was brewing. It smelled like… breakfast. Like home. All those lazy weekend mornings with his family.
Smell… hearing… the only way he could map the world around him right now.
"So? What do you think?" Keith said while he was cooking.
"I think you should have done this while I still had my eyes." Lance said.
Keith just laughed. Keith… laughed. There had been times he doubted Keith even knew what this laughter was.
"Don't be such a poor sport. The deal was that I'd cook for you in an apron. And nothing else. There was no talk when." Keith said.
"Never thought I'd curse the day you grew a sense of humor." Lance said before grinning: "How do I know you're actually naked under that apron?"
"I guess you just have to trust me. Isn't that what relationships are all about?"
"So, you wouldn't have anything against it if I walked over to feel up your butt and make sure you're not wearing any undies?"
"Now that would be a violation of trust." Keith said with a chuckle.
"Meaning I only have your word that you're not taking advantage of a blind man?"
"Pretty much." Keith said.
"This is a fetish for you, isn't it? Me being all helpless?"
"Don't be ridiculous." Keith said.
"I might be ridiculous but you're weird. Having a blind guy fetish. Well, you better enjoy it while it lasts. Once I have my cyborg eyes, I'll be able to see all your sins."
"You think it will work? Keith isn't… the most sociable person." Krolia said.
"Lance has rubbed on to him." Coran said.
I'm sure he has, Krolia thought.
Krolia looked at the Blue Lion and she could feel it looking back at her.
"It would have killed him. It would have murdered his spirit."
"I know." Coran said.
They stood in silence in the shadow of their Lions. Even the shadows felt heavy and cold.
"Can I confess something?" Krolia said.
"Certainly."
"Something that has to stay between us."
"I know how to keep a secret." Coran said.
"Good." Krolia sighed: "I don't know how… to fill in for Shiro."
"Fair enough. I don't know how to fill in for Alfor either."
"I didn't mean as a pilot… well that too but… I don't know how to be to Keith… what Shiro was for him."
Coran's fingers started twirling his mustache again.
"I couldn't do that for Allura either. Being a soldier was much easier than being a father."
"You seem to be doing well enough." Krolia said.
Coran said nothing and just looked at his Lion.
"If you don't mind me asking… what was your son's name?" Krolia said.
Coran was quiet for a moment before looking away.
"… Caldin. His name was Caldin." Coran said before clearing his throat: "Keith… how did he take it? You piloting the Black Lion?"
"He wasn't sure how to feel about it, but I think you already knew that. You know him better than I do." Krolia said.
"You'll get to know him. If you're willing to put in the work."
"Speaking from experience?"
"Sadly yes. I was Alfor's right-hand man and when you help someone run an empire, you have little time for anything else. Tayla… my wife… she did what she could but… in all the ways that mattered, she raised our son alone. I was never there."
"That doesn't make you a bad man. You had your duties." Krolia said.
"Just a bad father."
"And me a bad mother."
"You were trying to keep your family safe." Coran said.
"But Trevor and Keith were still left alone." Krolia said.
Another uneasy silence fell between them but… Krolia could feel they both needed this. This talk. Someone who understood the pain of trying to balance love with duty… only to learn that love was the death of duty. What was duty next to waking up next to the one you loved? Or seeing your son grow? And when you put duty before love… you carved out your own heart.
"Do you have a picture of Trevor? It would be nice to have a face to go with the name." Coran said.
In response Krolia took out a thin metal casing and opened it. Inside it was her greatest comfort… and most bitter regret. A picture Trevor had taken with his phone. The three of them together… her, Trevor… and their newborn son.
"He looks a bit like Shiro." Coran said.
"Both were great men." Krolia said and put the picture back inside the casing where it would be safe: "Do you have pictures of your son?"
"In my room." Coran said.
They headed to Coran's quarters. He had gone to great lengths to make it look like a home with comfy furniture and thick carpets. He took a photo album off a bookcase and handed it to Krolia.
"Care for a drink?" Coran asked.
"Sure."
While Coran poured them brandy, Krolia flipped through the album. It told a sad story. A brown skinned Altean with lavender hair standing next to a younger Coran. He had been a muscular man in his youth. There were a string of promotions and medals… but also missed birthday parties. Family vacations without him. A son growing up without his father.
"I know. I'm not in many of them." Coran said while handing her a glass of brandy: "Tayla was… an amazing woman. Losing Caldin was… terrible but losing her…"
Coran stared at his drink and then took a sip.
"I wish I could say it gets better but when you meet someone amazing and then lose them… you'll never be the same again."
"I'm starting to figure that out." Krolia said.
They finished their drinks and then had more.
"Pity, isn't it? Wisdom and bravery only come afterwards when they're no use to you." Krolia said.
"Pity indeed." Coran admitted.
They kept drinking but didn't have sex that night. That came later.
