For juliemadlydeeply


All you never say is that you love me so
All I'll never know is if you want me
If only I could look into your mind
Maybe then I'd find a sign
Of all I want to hear you say to me

{All You Never Say, Birdy (2013)}

one.

As she entered the Reverend Mother's office, the familiar sight of the dark-wood interiorinviting and warmhelped her calm down a little. The Reverend Mother was seated at her desk, as usual, and the small smile she gave Maria made Maria a little less nervous—or maybe, her heartbeat quickened impossibly. She knew she would not calm down anytime soon. There was no sugarcoating what the Reverend Mother could possibly say to her once she told the truth.

She breathed. She smiled. She carried on.

Minutes of nicetiessmiling in her seat, answering the Reverend Mother's questions, her fingers began to intertwine themselves nervously.

"Is there something wrong, my child?"

"Reverend Mother, I'm frightened," she admitted. Her hands trembled as she spokefingers fidgeting, tears pricking her eyes. It was ridiculous, she thought, that she was crying over a matter such as this. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry, and yet, here she was. But the feelings were too difficult to ignore now, and it was eating her alive. She couldn't possibly set it aside any longer.

"Frightened—oh," the Reverend Mother nodded in understanding, her lips pursing into a line as she watched Maria intently. "You see, Maria, when a man and a woman"

"No, no, Iit's nothing like that at all! I" Maria stopped the Reverend Mother, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment. She cast her eyes down. What must the Reverend Mother think? "No, II wanted to say that… I'm confused… that's all. I… it's just that I had never felt this way before," she twiddled her thumbs nervously. "I don't know if I can"

"What is it you can't face, my child?"

"I don't know if I can face him," she said. And she let out a shaky sigh. There, she said it.

"Him? Captain von Trapp? Has he"

"No, no, Reverend Mother, Iit's just" she slumped onto the chair, not knowing how to proceed.

"I see," the Reverend Mother nodded in understanding, yet again. But Maria knewthis time, the Reverend Mother truly understood. The Reverend Mother clasped her hands in front of her calmly, and with a look of love and care, she said, "Are you in love with him?"

i.

The night was warm, and the soft summer breeze blew on her hair as they walked by the lake. She hadn't realized how walking together with the Captain managed to weave itself into their schedules, yet here they were. She often wondered how they got here. Talking about anything and everythingthough it always started with the children. They talked about the children's progress in their studies, what books to recommend to the children… which then morphed into book recommendations to the other.

Then he talked about his time in the navy and of his late wife, and she talked about the abbey. They even talked about food at some point, and she managed to share her favourite cake recipe with him, and he, in turn, shared his preferred method of cooking omelettes.

They were almost… well, dare she say, friends. Almost. She didn't know whether or not it was proper for employer and employee to be such, but it felt real. She felt as if he didn't pity her, not like others dohe looked at her as if she were someone—not a governess, not a postulant. He looked at her for who she was, and that's what friends do, don't they? Well, almost friends. Almost because she knew that they could not possibly—no, decorated naval captains do not make friends with lowly postulants.

"Fraulein, there is something… I wish to ask you," he said suddenly, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Captain, if you're asking whether or not I want another extensive boat lecture, please the answer is no."

"You must admit that it was very educational," he raised an eyebrow. "Besides, you did do a good job teaching the children about boats the following morning. And brava for not tipping the boat over!"

"The Captain mocks me for tipping over a boat once, after tipping said boat thrice within thirty minutes himself," she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes lightly.

"You are straying us further from the subject, Fraulein!" He reprimanded, yet a wide smile was on his face.

"Alright, then what is it you wanted to ask me, Captain?"

"We are friends, are we not?" He asked, stopping at the gates by the lake. Leaning on one of the pegasus statues, she thought of her answer as she stared at the calm image before herthe moon shining on the lake, the reflection of flying birds mirrored on the smooth surface...

"It depends on one's definition of friends," she furrowed her brow. "But I suppose, yes."

"Then… friends tell the other of the truth, yes?"

"I suppose so," she answered cautiously.

"Then do you promise to answer my questions truthfully?"

"I guess I should. I mean," she said softly. "I do promise."

"September is in two weeks, andIer, I was wondering what you will be doing… then," he saidshe could sense notes of anxiety and nervousness on his part, yet she did not truly understand why.

"I will go back to the abbey," she said simply. "It was what was agreedI will be expected to return."

"Oh."

"Were you expecting another answer?" she tilted her head slightly, watching his expression curiously.

"I waserI was wondering if you could, uh, change your mind?"

"Change my mind?"

"Well," he sighed. "Nothing will be the same when you go awayit will be all wrong. And I was wondering if you might want to… stay."

"Stay? Captain"

"First of all, Maria. We are friends, and friends do not call the other by their title. My name is Georg, and I suggest you use it… especially as I am asking you... to marry me."

"Marry you?" That was a lot to comprehend. "But what about the Baroness?"

"Elsa and I have decided that it just was not right," he said, quite nonchalantly, she noted. "Besides, the children adore you, and... we are friends, are we not? Perhaps we can be good friendspartners, if you want to call it thatfor the rest of our lives, and work some sort of arrangement. It's justthe children love you and I thought that it would be good for them if you stayed… forever. You don't have to—"

She could only sigh.

For the children, she told herself. For the children.

"Did you plan this?" She questioned him, watching him curiously as his eyes widened ever-so-slightly. "Proposing by the lake?" She smiled, thinking of the last time they stood like this, by the lake. She had been screaming at him, forcing him to listen to her words... that he had fired her.

Just like the last time she had stood here, many things screamed in her mind simultaneously. She couldn't possibly think straight. She knew that there were so many things to consider before giving him her answer, yet somehow, a small part of her hoped that he would know that

ii.

They decided that it would be better if they kept the news of their engagement to themselves just for a little while longer. In the meantime, they would wait for September to come, and she would leave, as planned. Together, they informed the Reverend Mother of their plans to marry, and she happily gave her blessing to them, a wide smile on her face. Maria hadn't had the heart to tell the Reverend Mother why she was getting married to someone like the Captain. She was frightened that the Reverend Mother—though she was a very understanding woman—would not understand why she would accept the proposal in the first place.

The months after that were quiet—Georg told her that she must enjoy her last few months of peace and freedom, so she did. With a bit of saved up money, she rented a quaint flat, and taught music and mathematics in one of the local schools. She visited the children on Saturdays, and visited the abbey for Mass on Sundays. She made dresses for herself, and went on long walks in her free time—enjoying the sunshine and the flowers. She went up to her mountain after terrible days or triumphant ones, and went to museums when she wanted.

Then.

He appeared on her doorstep one May afternoon—his hands were shoved into his pockets when she opened the door, a certain gleam was present in his eyes, making her heart speed up just a little. A wide smile was on his face, and quite charmingly, he said, "I'm sorry to be taking away your peace and quiet now, Fraulein, but may I have the pleasure of courting you?"

She merely rolled her eyes and invited him into her flat. Over jam sandwiches and tea, they discussed what their courtship would be like—what they wanted everyone else to see. It was not something they hadn't discussed before. In fact, they had discussed it in the early days of this arrangement, yet there were seemingly more rules than there were before (and admittedly, based on their arrangement, neither of the rules were even needed). She just couldn't find herself keeping up, and the mere thought of all these made her feel quite dizzy.

"We'll get through this together, Maria, I promise you. This relationship might be borne out of convenience and fondness, but we are going to do this correctly—as you deserve. I am not, in any way, going to hide you," he smiled softly at her, placing a hand gently atop hers, intertwining his fingers with hers. She silently sucked in a breath. Her heart was beating wildly—

She found him in front of her school the following day after the school day was over—leaning against his car, his legs stretched out in front of him, hat fashionably askew, a wide smile on his face. Her colleagues giggled behind her as she waved them off. He neared her, a small bouquet of edelweiss in his hand.

She murmured her thanks and a "you really did not have to." He merely flashed her that charming grin of his that made her roll her eyes in annoyance. He suddenly pulled her close to him, making her yelp a little in surprise.

"Everyone can see," she protested softly once she was safely cradled in his arms.

"That's the point, my dear Fraulein. Let them all watch."

He kissed her forehead softly and held onto her. She could hear her colleagues swooning behind her, and when she looked up to meet his gaze, he merely winked.

iii.

If there was one thing Maria hated more than anything at all—it had to be a party. She remembered watching them from her place on a tree growing up. She was always in awe of seeing the gowns and the dancing—watching as the fabrics sparkled under the soft, yellow light. They always seemed so happy, she thought, remembering how laughter poured out of the villa endlessly. Then she had the privilege of planning one. And she hated it. Absolutely hated it.

Georg was an enormous help, of course, and so was Frau Schmidt, Georg's sister, Hede—and Max helped with the wine choices (obviously), but most decisions fell on her shoulders. The stress was not worth it, she thought as she attempted to zip up her gown… to no avail. She slumped.

A knock on the door made her panic—but she knew that Hede promised to drop by immediately, as soon as she herself was done preparing. She eased a little.

"Come in!"

The door opened whilst she was looking at herself in the mirror, finding ways to zip up her gown.

"Hede, oh, thank goodness you're here! I think I need help with my…" but the reflection she saw at the mirror wasn't Hede's at all, it was—

"I'm not Hede," Georg said amusedly. "But I think I can help you zip up your dress," he offered, his hand gesturing to the still-open back of her dress.

She merely nodded, eyes cast down as she sucked in a breath. She felt his fingers settling on her lower back, fingers brushing against her skin as he deftly pulled her zipper up. She softly murmured her thanks to him. Gazing at the mirror to inspect her reflection, she found his startling blue eyes staring at her—emotions whirled in his eyes, she could see, he—

"I—erhm—I obviously didn't come in for that," he said softly. "I wanted to give you this."

He took her hand gently, slipping something cool onto her finger. Her breath caught in her throat, it was—it was a ring. The most beautiful ring she had ever seen, in fact. She couldn't begin to comprehend—think of what she could possibly say to him. She could only stare

"Maria, forgive me, but your door was open" And in came Hede, eyes wide, a smile spreading on her face. "Should I be concerned?"

Maria cleared her throat.

"No," Maria fixed her hair. "It so happens that Georg appeared before you did, and merely helped me with my zipper."

The room fell quiet after thatGeorg excused himself from their company, and Hede helped Maria with last-minute preparations (but mostly, it was Maria fussing and Hede assuring her that she looked perfect). The two women immediately headed downstairs, and Maria assumed her place beside Georgas the hostess of the party.

Though the party itself was a success, Maria found that it was quite… stuffy. Gossip flying everywhere, and so was the sound of congratulations and clinking glasses. Her cheeks hurt from smiling, and her feet began to ache. She constantly found herself seeking for Georg in the crowd, and at times, she found him looking for her, too. They shared secret glances across the crowded roomsmiles and eyerolls and laughs and multiple types of "save me please." When they were lucky enough to get away for a dance, they shared the gossip shared to them, and laughed at the absurdity of it all. She was grateful for those moments, and there was a sort of feeling when they needed to part once moreonly for him to whisper to her, "I'll be right across the room when you need me, darling."

"No one can hear usyou don't have to," she said.

"You never know," he winked.

But

But now, as the laendler came to an end, she found that she could not breathe. Not with the way he looked at heror the way she thought he looked at her. Not with the way that he held her hand, or the way his fingers brushed her waist. No, her heart seemed as if it were going to burst. And she needed air—so she quite hastily went outside. To the gardens. Air.

She hid behind the hedgeknowing that absolutely no one could find her there.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

"And have you seen the way he looks at her, Hildegarde, darling? And the way she looks at him?"

"Oh, absolutely, Carlotta! To be in—"

She stopped listening to them—couldn't listen to themthe beating of her heart louder than absolutely anything. Her mind was reeling, and her world was spinning so fast. She couldn't possibly comprehend anything at the moment.

It was either she and Georg were really good actors or—no. They were merely terrific actorspretenders.

After attempting to compose herself, she made her entrance once moreacting calm, cool, collected. Catching Georg's eyes from across the room, she saw him give her a small smile. It will be alright, he seemed to say.

I hope so, she thought.

Yes, they were merely terrific actors.

two.

"I see," the Reverend Mother nodded in understanding, yet again. But Maria knewthis time, the Reverend Mother truly understood. The Reverend Mother clasped her hands in front of her calmly, and with a look of love and care, she said, "Are you in love with him?"

She didn't know how the Reverend Mother seemed to come to understand her predicament—yet all her worries of the Reverend Mother's possible reactions melted away at the older woman's gracious smile.

"I don't know! II overheard a few ladies during our engagement party, and they said I was… and that he was, too, but oh, this is absurd," she cried. "I'm getting married tomorrow and I'm still debating whether or not I love my husband-to-be romantically! I"

"Maria"

"And the point is, mother, even if I did love himI don't think he will ever love me the same way I love him. He has never shown any indication at all that he loves me as one should love his fianceeat least when no one is looking. Our entire relationship is everything that it should be in public, but it's just so… I don't know, platonic in private. He has never uttered the wordsor even—" she sighed loudly, hands flying to her reddening cheeks. "Oh, Mother, there were times we looked at each other… especially when he danced with me that nightthere were times that we looked into each other's eyes, and I couldn't breathe."

"My child, have you told him any of this?"

"I—no! He's so thoroughly convinced that I've only agreed to marry him for the children. It… it was a big factor, obviously, but it wasn't just about them. I enjoy his company, to say the least, and I do like him, but I don't want to risk something real, Mother. We'll be married for the rest of our lives, and I don't want a husband who resents me because I"

"It does not do to shut out your problems, Maria—you must face them," the Reverend Mother said softly, gently holding Maria's hand in hers. Maria felt the Reverend Mother squeeze her hand.

God, please help me.

i.

Walking her way down the aisle, a familiar sort of flutter made itself present in her stomach, and her breathing constricted just at the sight of the altar in front of her, him standing right… there, waiting for her.

"If you're nervous, just look at me," he said, a wide smile on his face.

"As if that would help!" She shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"Why, because you'd be so affected by my devastating charms?"

"Oh, you egoistic, narcissistic—"

"Ehem, we are in a cathedral, aren't we, Maria? Might want to… regulate what you say, darling."

His hand now firmly clasped hers, and he took one glance at her, as if saying I'm right here for you—and I vow to always be. She saw his mouth move slightly, and the smooth strains of his baritone voice reached her ears, somehow louder than the echo of the archbishop's voice.

He said, "I knew you would look at me. I've been looking at you, too."

She squeezed his hand and smiled softly at him.

ii.

She heard a soft knock on the door. Wrapping her robe around herself, and tying the sash around her waist, she opened the door slightly to see who it was. Outside her room was Georgstill in his suit from the wedding, though his usually perfectly-combed hair was slightly mussed.

"Maria? I just wanted to make sure you're alright," he said softly. She opened the door wider, inviting him to enter, though he shook his head, opting to stay outside.

"I think I'm alright," she smiledthen a frown came over her face as she stared at him intently. "Is there something wrong?"

"Well, erhm—no. Everything is fine—just fine. What made you think there was something wrong?"

"Well… you're, erhm, your fingers are twitching. You always seem to do that when you're agitated," she pointed out, and he shoved his hands immediately into his pockets.

"I see," he merely nodded. "Well, no, nothing's wrong," he waved it off. "If you're alright, well, good night then."

"Good night, Georg" she said softly, taking one step closer to him, pecking him gently on the cheek. "I hope you don't mind," she said sheepishly. "I promised the little ones that I would and"

"And they made me promise, too, so…" he took her face in his hands, caressing her cheekand he pressed his lips on her forehead—just as he had all those months ago in front of the school—

"Good night, my love."

He only called her that in publicwhen they were in front of strangers and

"You don't have to, we're not in front of anybody, Georg," she whispered.

"But I want to, because"

Without warning, she pressed her lips on his, arms looping around his neck. Just as she was about to give up and pull away, she felt his lips move against hers, his arms snaking around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"You—"

"Do you find it impossible?"

"No, just highly improbable," he grinned widely. "And... Maria, I love you—immensely. I've loved you ever since you sat on that ridiculous pinecone," he chuckled lightly.

"You never said a word," she crossed her arms. "I've been so scared that I'm the only oneI thought you were just being nice."

"I'm not being nice. I didn't ask you to marry me just for the children, I'm afraid," he smiled sheepishly. "I did have the intention to tell you, but I… well…" he shrugged. "I didn't know if you felt the same way as I did."

"Well, for the record, Georg, I've loved you ever since you blew that silly whistle," she smiled.

And he pulled her close, and she pressed her lips to his once more.


A/N

Gosh, it was so much fun to imagine what it would have been like if fictional Georg proposed in a similar way as real Georg did. I definitely had heaps of fun with this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Big, big thanks to persaphones for proofreading for me!

Sending love :)