It had been an exhausting day.

By the time they returned to the lair, no one wanted to move a muscle. Battling the mutant fungus – and their own fears – drained them of most of their energy. Only Michelangelo seemed to have some spring in his steps left, so they placed him in charge of getting dinner while the rest of them lulled around the living room, exchanging stories while Space Heroes was on. Master Splinter came out from the dojo to join them, and Leo filled him in on what happened since they went to track April and found those scary mushrooms.

Donatello was listening to April's stories of seeing swarms of bats and mutant reincarnations of her father, the Kirby Bat. In the corner, Raphael and Casey were exchanging stories about demon rats and giant cockroaches while playing with the Space Heroes arcade machine, while Leonardo was kneeling by the waterway with their father, deeply listening into some sort of lesson the wise rat is probably sharing with the leader of the turtles. Everyone surmised that the mushrooms had messed with their minds, causing them to hallucinate with their greatest fears once they were sprayed with the yellow fungus.

Donnie was glad Raph was around to divert Casey's attention before the latter could badger him about what he had seen. He had successfully avoided answering April's questions about it, giving vague half scenarios about budged missions and destroyed labs, which seemed to appease their red-headed friend, but he wasn't sure he could duck it if Casey was the one to grill him on it. Casey had a knack of pushing his buttons in a way that he didn't know it was possible. Leo had said it was probably because they were both vying for April's attention (which, Raph had added, is beyond ridiculous) and Donnie saw Casey as somewhat of a rival (which Donnie thought was ridiculous, how could that hockey-stick holding caveman could compare to an intellect like him, for goodness' sake.).

Anyway, they spent a couple of hours or so simply hanging out, before April and Casey decided to call it a night and bade the turtles goodbye. Master Splinter had long retired into his room for meditation and rest, while Mikey had sprawled on the floor, the empty pizza box beside him. He had eaten the whole mushroom pizza himself, and between a full stomach and the tiredness of evading imaginary Squirrelnoids had rendered him so sleepy that he simply fell asleep in the den. Raph had just came out from his room, fetching some blankets and pillows and was settling down on the couch, ready to sleep (no, it's not that he's scared he will have nightmares about the Spy-Roach, he just felt like sleeping out in the den got it?). Leo had gone into the dojo with father earlier, probably to meditate more, and he still haven't came out.

Donnie debated on going back into his lab to finish some tests on the retro-mutagen formula or going to bed. Weariness won and he headed for his room, closed the door and untied his purple bandana before settling himself on the bed. It didn't take long before sleep took him.

Is that really what you fear?

The voice sounded faraway, like it was brought by the wind. And yet it was clear enough that Donnie heard every word. He opened his eyes and was startled to find that he was not in bed. Rather, he wasn't even sure where he was. Everything around him was pitch black – as if somebody had thrown a thick black blanket over him. He blinked again.

"Is that really what you fear?"

The voice was stronger now, loud enough for Donnie to sit up at pay attention. It was a man's voice, a quiet one tinged with weariness. Donnie was sure he had never heard the voice ever before in his life, and yet it sounded oddly familiar – like a sound he had heard once when he was very small and had forgotten about completely, and now it was vibrating through his bones.

From the darkness, a shadow emerged and right before Donnie's eyes, a figure stepped forward into his vision – as if he (it?) had been hiding in a source of light that Donnie couldn't see. He was tall with broad shoulders and muscular arms and legs. Donnie realized at once that the figure has a plastron which spread wider than his own, lighter yellowish in colour, not the dirty yellow like Donnie's and his brothers' were. His legs and arms, though musclier, were of similar sizes, giving him a somewhat more humanoid appearance than any mutant Donnie had encountered. The carapace behind him seemed larger and heavier, which just seemed right for him, because despite the fact that Donnie was probably only a few centimeters shorter than him, he towered over Donnie.

That was when Donnie noticed that he was wearing a bandana around his eyes.

For a moment the figure merely stood over Donnie, staring at him through eyes that remained white through and through. His face was serious, though not menacing. There was no threat on his face, only severity. There was something else too, but Donnie's mind was still unable to register what it was. In any other situation, ninja training would have had him instinctively leaping to his feet and reach for his bo staff, and yet here Donnie sat rooted to the ground, unable to do anything more than just stare up at the figure, who looked so much like him and yet so different. Waiting.

"Is that really your deepest fear?"

Memories of the mutant fungus attack flashed through him. The disgusted look on April's face, the way she seemed to drape herself around Casey, kissing him, openly snubbing Donnie and declaring her preference to Casey. The image had chased him throughout the sewers, the way April's smug face seemed to twist up into something ugly that caused him to have panic attacks and made him run around screaming.

Donnie found himself trying to open his mouth to protest, to defend himself. Of course that was his deepest fear – that April hated him and refused to see him again. Wasn't that why he tried again and again to find an antidote for her father's mutation? So he wouldn't have to look at her angry face, the disgusted look in her eyes? Wasn't losing her to Casey Jones, a prick whose intelligence probably only bested Mikey at most (and barely at that), who only knew how to swing a hockey stick (at the wrong timing at that), would be the biggest insult to him? Shouldn't that be a threat to him? Of course there are Kraang and Shredder and other things that would be a bigger threat, but they weren't personal. April was personal.

And yet the words didn't come.

The figure crossed his arms, his eyes never leaving Donnie's face. They bore into him as if he knew what Donnie was thinking without the words forming, and yet his expression didn't change. As if Donnie's justifications didn't move him. Donnie realized after a while what the other expression that lined the figure's face must be. Disappointment. Disapproval. As if he was a fool who has yet to grow up and realized what true fears were.

"If Mikey stopped smiling and lost his arm, would you worry about April hating you?"

What?

"If Raph became cold and turned his back on you for good, would you still run screaming for her?"

His voice remained soft, but to Donnie the words felt like thunder.

"If Leo lost his eyesight, would it still matter that April chooses Casey?"

Something twisted inside of Donnie. Something strange. The other turtle (for he is now certain that the figure is a turtle, it's just not any of his brothers or the recently mutated Spike) spoke simply and succinctly, and yet the short words felt like punches through Donnie's gut, each mention of his brother's names painted a different picture in his mind and none of them pretty. There was Mikey – only it cannot be Mikey- with a permanent scowl on his face and his limbs all wrong. Raph's face was stone, emotionless – and he turned away from Donnie as easily as if he had been a stranger. Leo wasn't even wearing his blue bandana – one of the things that made them a group, a team. There was a large ugly gash across his head and his eyes were blank, like he knew Donnie was there but could not see him. Their eyes were not the deep blue or green or the brilliant sky blue that Donnie knew so well – but rather the whites that only came when they were in fight or stealth mode. Only this time they were permanent and there was no warmth in any of their faces.

They were his brothers, but Donnie didn't recognize them.

Donnie looked up to the turtle, still towering over the former like a giant statue. He opened his mouth again, wanting to protest, to deny. Mikey will never lose his smile – that just will never happen. He has Leo and Raph, for goodness' sake – and Donnie knew his two big brothers would turn the earth and sky upside down before letting that happen. And Raph would never abandon his family – no matter what he said in the heat of the moment, no matter how many times he walked away – he will always come back. And Leo losing his eyes like that is just plain ridiculous. He was – is – the best fighter Donnie knew, second only to Sensei. And even if he did get injured that severely, Donnie can fix him. Donnie has always been able to –

"What if they died?"

For the second time, the argument died in Donnie's throat before he could even speak.

Where the words before had hit him like thunder and lightning, these four words was ice.

"What if it's because of you?"

He had always made sure that his machines and gadgets were failsafe, the vehicles he built for them have safety nets and exits –

"What if you wake up one day and saw your brothers' dead bodies around you and their blood in your hands?"

Donnie could feel his own blood turned cold. He couldn't move.

That could never happen, that will never happen, would it? But-

The turtle unfolded his arms and leaned down so his face was merely inches from Donnie's. He could see the former's bandana clearly now.

Purple.

"Would you care about April hating you if you killed them?"

Silence fell. This time the turtle seemed to be waiting for an answer, but Donnie's throat was dry. His mind numb.

"One wire twisted wrong, one experiment gone bad, and they could all be dead", the turtle whispered. "April wouldn't matter then."

And for the first time since he appeared, he smiled.

Except it wasn't a warm smile. The smile spread across the turtle's face, from one side of his face to another. It was eerie, twisted and unnerving and made Donnie's spine shiver and his mind went numb. It was as if he was mocking Donnie, drawing humour in the absurdity of the fear of losing a girl when there were three others who was there since his earliest age, who grew up with him and knew him best, who would give their lives for him.

It wasn't the kind of smile that Donnie thought could exist on his own face.

The turtle straightened up, and this time he tilted his head to one side while watching Donnie, as if he was an interesting specimen in a petri dish that the former was ready to dissect.

"So tell me, Donatello", he said. "What is your deepest fear?"

And as he heard the distinct beep beep of his alarm clock somewhere in the distance, Donnie realized that the answer was not losing April.


A/N : This subject matter is something I have been itching to write since I watched the first two seasons of the 2012 version. Then I saw a fanart a long time ago and that is pretty much what did story is based on. I hope I gave enough hint to let you figure out who the strange turtle is (hee hee). I understand that the 2012vers turtles have more emphasis on the "teenager" compared to their 2003 counterparts, but the fact that they made Donnie ditch his family for a girl really bothers me (and it's not like you have a toxic family, Donnie! Your brothers do care about you!). So yea, I'm glad someone bashed him on the head. In his defence, Donnie did grew up a little after season 3, so I sorta kinda forgave him. :)

Thinking of making this a two-part, but let's see how it goes. Hope you enjoy it!