I couldn't believe the news I received today after I played Tinsel Football and helped a few of the elves with the toys they were finishing for Christmas. I found out from Abby that Charlie is on the Naughty List this year. Bernard told me that Ella, who did not make the Naughty List, tried contacting me about his behavior. And then on top of that, I have learned about the Mrs. Clause. I have to get married by Christmas Eve or else I stop being Santa Claus. When I asked what if I don't want to get married, I started losing weight and my beard was getting shorter. I kept asking myself, What will happen to the kids all over the world? Will they stop believing in me? What will happen to the elves? What will happen to Bernard and Curtis? What will happen to my kids? Everyone at the Council of Legendary Figures meeting noticed how I looked after I told them about Charlie and the Mrs. Clause.

"You can't stop being Santa Claus!" exclaimed the Easter Bunny.

"I don't want to stop being Santa Claus!" I agreed.

"Kids have been 86 percent happier since you've taken the job!"

"You're right. This is all I want to do. But what can I do?"

"Well, you can't be in two places at once," said Father Time. That gave Curtis an idea. After the meeting, I went with Bernard and Curtis to the Pantagraph room. Curtis excused the elves so he could show me how he's been doing on this project.

"I've tripled the RAM and reconfigured the circuitry," Curtis explained.

"I see," I understood. "You've externalized the power source to make better use of|the electromagnetic energy."

"No, it's just there because it looks really cool."

"Yeah, it does. Wait a minute. You tripled the RAM." I realized why Curtis wanted to show me the Pantagraph. "I see where this is going. Curtis, I am not getting in that machine."

"Besides, creating a copy of|Santa won't solve our problems," Bernard added. "The elves'll know!"

"But this would be a special toy!" countered Curtis. "I added a fuzzy logic circuit. The duplicate will look and think just like you. When you're with your family, dealing with Charlie, and looking for a wife..."

"The toy Santa will be up here melting in front of my fireplace," I quipped.

"No, the toy Santa will be|dealing with business up here."

"I can deal with business up here!" Bernard interrupted. "Santa, if the elves find out|we've made a switch... Aaggh! No! No! This machine is not the answer."

"I promise you, sir, it won't hurt a bit," Curtis convinced me.

"I'm goin' in," I declared. When I got on the machine, Bernard turned away and Curtis pulled the duplicate switch. I felt a shock going through my body and it really hurt. Then, I started to get out of the machine.

"It's perfect!" cried Curtis as he saw me.

"That's because it's me, Einstein."

Bernard ran up to me and asked if I was alright. I told him and Curtis that I got a shock when they started screaming. The Toy Santa was not wearing anything when came out of the Pantagraph. I told Bernard to throw something over him.

"Can he talk?" I asked Curtis. He urged me to say something to him. "Hello?" I could only hear him grunt a little so I tried again. "Hello?"

"Hello?" Toy Santa repeated.

Then I tried chuckling a warm "Ho, ho, ho!"

"Ho, ho... ho!" Toy Santa repeated again.

"Not bad," I told him.

"Not bad yourself," replied Toy Santa.

"I can't put my finger on it, but there's something|about you that I like."

"There's something about you that I like!"

"Huh." I turned to Curtis and told him to keep an eye on Toy Santa while I talked to Bernard. "Bernard, I need your help with this."

"What do you mean?" Bernard asked, worriedly.

"What I mean is I gotta go see Charlie and I want you to convince the elves that...Toy Santa is me."

"Have you seen that thing?" Bernard asked again.

"Yes. I've seen it," I answered. "Just keep the elves at a distance and say that I've changed my look, it'll work."

"Santa, we're in way over our heads here."

"If anybody can do this, it's you, Number One," I convinced Bernard.

"I'm not gonna lie to all the elves!" Bernard tried to argue, but he changed his mind while I got ready to head back to Lakeside. As I head to the reindeer stables, I could hear Bernard talk to the elves about "my new look." He told them, "I myself think he looks absolutely terrific! Better and fresher somehow than he has in years. There's now a more supple veneer to his skin and an added luster to the thickness of his hair. You could almost say there's a...a toy-like quality to him.
Most importantly, he's very happy with his new look, and I would caution you all not to point or stare or use the word "plastic". Okay? Okay. Thank you. That's all. Back to work, please."

I sighed in relief. It worked. I made it to the reindeer stables where Comet was waiting for me with one of the stable girls. He started grumbling why I couldn't take Prancer with me.

"Comet, because I don't want to take Prancer.," I answered. "I want to take a trip with you. When's the last time we had a cruise? I love you, buddy." I pat Comet on the back. "Besides, last night, Prancer had too many apples. So, we know what that means."

Bernard came by to see me off and he handed me my watch. I couldn't go anywhere without it. While I marveled at my watch, Bernard told me that the watch measures how much magic I have left and the level drops every time I use it. If the level reaches zero, then I won't return to the Pole.

"Uh-oh," Comet grumbled.

"Then let's not let it get to zero!" I told my head-elf.

Bernard then told me that the most important thing was for me to come back. Another one of the stable girls handed me my gloves while Comet kept grumbling.

"Comet, please just chill out a little bit, okay?" I asked. "Come on! It's not like we're pullin' the sleigh. Right? There's no packages. It's one stop. And I think I might have forgot to mention, we're gonna go see Charlie and Ella."

My hair and beard has turned gray again when I arrived in Lakeside. I put Comet in Laura and Neil's backyard and headed over to Charlie's school. Laura and Neil were already there when I arrived.

"Scott!" Laura greeted, then hugged me. "Hey! You trimmed your beard."

"Come here, big guy," Neil said as he gave me a hug. Then, he looked at my stomach. "Whoa! Lost some weight there, huh? Slim-Fast?"

"You don't know how fast," I quipped.

"We should get going," Laura said while we walked down the hallway. "How do you always know when there's a problem?"

"I see you when you're sleepin'. I know when you're awake," I answered.

"Which is a pretty frightening concept when you think about it," Neil replied.

"We're really worried about Charlie," Laura told me. "He keeps upping the ante. This time he defaced school property."

"It's classic acting out," Neil added.

"I'm blaming myself for this," I said.

"Oh, come on, Scott," Laura reassured. "We're both his parents."

"Where is Charlie?" I asked.

"He's waiting for us in Principal Newman's office," Laura answered.

"There's something about her that makes me want to deface public property."

"Hello, Mr. Calvin," Principal Newman said as she approached us. "Laura, Neil."

"Miss Newman," Laura and Neil greeted.

"Principal Newman," I said while saluting her like a soldier.

"You know, I haven't seen you since the last time Charlie was in trouble," Principal Newman said to me.

"I've been traveling for work." I replied.

"Oh, then, if you spent more time with your son, there'd be fewer problems."

"Then I wouldn't spend so much time with you, which is always such a pleasure."

"A battle of wits. It's a shame you come unarmed. Excuse me." Principal Newman walked over to a student rollerskating in the middle of the hallway. He stopped and got off the board.

"Good morning, Principal Newman," the student said.

"Mr. Picardo, I want you to look into my eyes," she replied. "What do you see?"

"It's dark. And it's cold," answered Picardo. I'm sure that he was put on the Naughty List this year.

"It's your future, Mr. Picardo. You keep this up and you will spend your life stabbing trash. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes."

"So what are you gonna do?"

"I'm going straight to 3rd period geometry."

"Have a nice trip."

Laura, Neil, and I followed Principal Newman into her office. I whispered quickly to Laura how Ella is doing. She told me that Ella is doing well and is working hard at getting good grades in her classes. She didn't get the chance to tell her I was coming yet so she thought it would be a surprise.

"It's an affront to authority and blatant disrespect for property. If this continues I'll have no other recourse than to suspend."

"Excuse me," I interrupted. "Is there a rest stop between|here and the end of the lecture? I'm more interested in why this happened in the first place."

"So am I," said Principal Newman. She looked at Charlie. "Charlie, we're all worried about you. It feels like you're trying to get someone's attention. What's bothering you?" Charlie shrugged his shoulders. Principal Newman looked over at Neil. "Dr. Miller?"

"Neil," he corrected.

"Neil, do you have any theories?"

"Well, frankly I have several."

"Here we go. Let's just order a pizza," I said sarcastically.

"Scott, you're not helping," Laura told me.

"I was listening to a tape series on child development just last night," Neil continued.

"You know what the problem is? Excuse me, Neil," I said. "It's four weeks until Christmas. That's a holiday in December. Have you noticed the hallways? Not a decoration, not a twinkle light, not an expression of the joy|kids are supposed to be feeling. What kind of school is this?"

"A public school," Principal Newman answered. "A top-rated public school. That takes effort and money. Spending any of that money on holiday decorations would take away from the things that truly matter."

"Forgive me, but I think holiday cheer really matters."

"What are we going to do about you, Charlie. We are worried..."

"Let me handle this," I told Laura. I turned to Charlie. "Charlie, you know what you did is wrong. Right?"

"I guess so," Charlie answered.

"There's no guessing," I continued. "Guessing is gone. It was wrong what you did. And you're not gonna do it again. Promise me."

"Okay," Charlie promised.

"There you go," I told his principal. "He won't do it again. Meeting is adjourned."

"It most certainly is not!" Principal Newman countered. "Charlie..."

"You know what else?" I asked while I handed her some money. "Here's a little donation. Why don't you buy yourself a wreath?"

The four of us left the school, stopped at McDonald's to pick up dinner, and then headed home.