Hey all, here is Chapter Four. I want to give a quick thank you to those of you who have followed this story. It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x

All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.


Not Like This

Chapter Four: It Isn't Easy

April 22nd, 2014

The deafening alarm blared through the room as the clock struck five-thirty-a.m. Jamie rolled over hurriedly, grabbing her phone to end the noise. She tossed the phone onto the bed, throwing an arm over her eyes. Slowly, she managed to peel her eyes open. The neutral tones of the hotel room looked dark still because of the curtains. Jamie forced herself to sit up in the ever, oh so comfy, fluffy white bed. She sluggishly swung her legs over the edge of the bed, placing her feet onto the carpeted floor. Then, her mind went where it usually did when she woke up in the morning.

Coffee.

She pushed off the bed, dragging herself over towards the counter where the tiny coffee maker was. Carefully, she filled the filter with the ground beans, poured in some water and began the process. Her face scrunched together as she eyed the small, mediocre styrofoam cups that the hotel provided. Luckily, she always packed her favorite travel mug where ever she went. Jamie walked to her bag and pulled out the blue cup, placing it over next to the coffee maker. While that was taking its sweet time brewing, she decided to get ready for the day.

The girl did her business, washing her hands after and looking at herself in the mirror. She felt somewhat disappointed. Not just with herself, but with everything. Her new job was not going the way she thought it would. She had wanted this for so long, as long as she could remember and now she felt like it was all crumbling in her hands. With the events of the prior day still fresh in her mind, Jamie wasn't looking forward to seeing certain people. There was a mix of feelings about having a certain someone back in her life, complex feelings.

She shook herself out of it as her senses were overcome with the smell of coffee. Leaving she restroom, she went straight for the coffee machine, grabbing the pot and her cup, she poured every drop of the delicious, hot liquid into her favorite cup. She took the mug back to the bathroom with her, as she needed to get ready for the seven-a.m. call. Getting ready for work wasn't much of a hassle for her. Brush teeth, wash face, do makeup, do hair and get dressed. It was no more than a forty-five-minute process.


Seven o'clock rolled around and Jamie headed straight for the lobby to meet her fellow team members. Jamie was the second one there, right on the dot at seven. Morgan, who seemed to be avoiding contact, was the first one downstairs. Yes, it was awkward, but someone spoke up, breaking the silence.

"Carter, listen…" Morgan started, making Jamie focus her attention on him. "I shouldn't assume the worst, but I just wanted you to know that I look out for Spencer no matter what."

Jamie nodded. "I understand."

"So, we good?"

Jamie thought for a moment. If this was an apology, it was kind of half-assed in her opinion; but either way, she couldn't act otherwise. "Yeah, we're good."

While she finished her last word, JJ, Hotch, Emily, Spencer and Rossi made their way down to Morgan and Jamie.

"How come we didn't get group memo?" Morgan joked.

Jamie smiled and said good morning to everyone, even Spencer, as if yesterday didn't happen. The group made their way out the hotel, into their SUV's and headed straight for the station.


The team was gathered around the conference room table. Everyone had their own files, they had been filled with more information within the previous day and it was more than they had to begin with.

The group looked up from their papers as the Sheriff walked into the room. "So, I'm still waiting on that full examiner report on Rodgers. They said they want to retest some of their findings."

"Did they say why?" JJ questioned.

"No."

Rossi, being observant and intrigued, noticed Hotch and his familiar demeanor. "I recognize that scowl Aaron, what are you thinking?"

Hotch thought to himself for a moment, while having everyone's attention. "It's something that Garcia said yesterday, about not being able to sit on a park bench in this country without leaving a paper trail…"

"…and?" Morgan pushed.

"What if Rodgers wasn't in the country for those five months?" Hotch concluded.

"It wouldn't be the first time someone crossed the border to try and get out of some trouble." Jamie commented.

"Hey guys," Spencer spoke up. "There's something interesting about this grocery list. Read the items he bought in bulk."

Everyone took out the paper with the copied grocery list from their file.

"Garlic, green tea, ginger, vitamin D…" Prentiss read off.

"See, all of these items are specifically known to boost the immune system. What if Terry Rodgers was seriously ill?" Spencer figured.

"Oh…" Jamie let out. If they tried hard enough, her coworkers could probably see the gears grinding in her brain.

"Carter, what is it?" Hotch questioned.

"Chemotherapy." she simply said. Jamie put down the file on the table and stood up from her chair. "Think about it, a side effect of chemo is that patients can get sores in their mouth. So, that's why some doctors who treat chemo patients recommend that the patient should eat food with the consistency of baby food."

"Oh my god, there's two of them…" Morgan quipped.

Small and short lived laughter filled the room.

"That marijuana Spence found in the cabin could have been medicinal." JJ thought out loud.

"Okay, I'll have Garcia check medical facilities outside the country. And Reid, you and Carter go to the medical examiner have them look specifically for a pre-existing condition with Rodgers."

"Of course…" Jamie thought to herself, the sarcasm not missing a beat. It only made sense though, she was the person who caught onto what Spencer was getting at.

She met his eyes for a moment before nodding her head. She grabbed her phone from the table and started walking out the door, Spencer right behind her.


"Hodgkin's Lymphoma." the medical examiner read.

"Were you able to find sedatives in his system?" Jamie questioned.

The examiner let out a small scoff. "The question is, what sedatives didn't we find." The examiner handed Spencer the medical file. "Melatonin, valerian, marijuana, hops, catnip, kava-kava…"

"Bone meal and kelp." Spencer finished the list.

"Yep. Along with the materials in the victim's stomach that we're still retesting. Look down at the bottom."

Jamie read right next Spencer, maybe a little too close, seeing what the examiner was talking about. "Sawdust residue caked into the nostrils?"

"Not just any saw dust, though. Pure pinewood pellet sawdust." the examiner corrected.

"That stuff is usually imported from China." Spencer mentioned. "Was it a point-five-percent mixture by any chance?"

The medical examiner obviously wasn't expecting that question. His face turned to deep thought, "I don't know. Um, all I know is that it's not your everyday mess-on-the-floor sawdust."

"Okay, I think we have what we came for. Thank you." Jamie said, shaking the examiner's hand.

Spencer gave a nod of thanks and followed Jamie out the room. They both walked back to their black SUV and got in, Jamie in the driver's seat.

She took a moment to compose herself. Taking a deep breath, she started the car, giving Spencer a quick glance. "What're you thinking about?"

"Not sure yet." he answered, not bothering the look at her when he spoke.

"Ha, that's a first."

"Did you have to stand so close?" he questioned Jamie, his voice having a hint of irritation.

Jamie turned her head to face him and she narrowed her eyes, hard and pressing. "Grow up, Spencer."

He didn't respond to her, instead he pulled out his phone. Dialing a number and pressing the phone to his ear.

Jamie didn't bother to ask who he was calling, she already assumed it was someone from the team. Who else would it be?

"Rossi," Spencer spoke. "we just got done with the medical examiner."

Jamie listened as she drove, green eyes set on the pavement in front of her.

"Yeah, they found half a dozen natural sedatives in Rodgers' system and get this, they also found pinewood pellet sawdust. We're not sure either…okay. Yep, bye."

"They have anything else?" Jamie asked.

"If they did, he would've told me."

Jamie pulled over to the side of the road, a couple of cars honking at her as she did.

"What are you doing? We need to get back." Spencer pushed.

Jamie turned her full body in her seat so that she was facing Spencer. "Is this really how we're going to be towards each other?"

"What do you mean?"

"Spencer, don't play dumb. You're too smart to play dumb…"

Spencer sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, clearly to wanting to talk to her about anything except for the job. "You need to elaborate for me."

"Well, for one, the hostility that's floating through the air right now. You know I hate being in these situations, yet you're not making it any easier for me, for either of us. Two, we can't keep ignoring each other over something that happened ten years ago. I've grown up and so have you, so I don't see why we can't respect one another enough to where we can talk about it like mature adults."

"I know." Spencer replied fairly quickly. "I get it and I am sorry for that, okay? But you know just as well as I do…"

Jamie waited for him to finish his sentence, but the ending didn't come that abruptly. "What do I know?"

"That this isn't easy."

Jamie let her facial expression soften and she faced forward again, driving off the side of the road, back to the station.


Jamie and Spencer both jumped out of the car as fast as they could. After their short conversation, neither one of them said anything further. The air in the car was stiff and very unwelcoming. There was no doubt that it was uncomfortable, but there wasn't anything they could do…or wanted to do. They entered the precinct, finding their team back in the conference room.

Jamie let herself release a tad of the tension she was hanging onto when she saw Hotch. She knew she wasn't supposed to let her personal life affect her professional life. It could throw everything and everyone off balance. The newest agent could see that as a soon as her and Spencer entered the room, Morgan gave his friend a small head-tilt, one that asked if he was okay. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spencer simply nod his head, joining the others in the group by the Sheriff.

"I don't get it." Morgan started. "The unsub is drugging the victims and trusting that they'll conk out in the right place at the right time. Why not use a pharmaceutical or poison?"

"That would be quicker and a lot more reliable." Prentiss noted.

"Natural elements look to be important to her. Maybe she has health issues of her own?" JJ offered her team.

Hotch nodded in agreement as his phone rang nice and loudly. "Go ahead, Garcia." he said as he put it on speaker phone.

"Oh! I just hit the trifecta, but with two things instead of three. Two missing vehicles that are not missing anymore. Paul Hicks' car was found by some utility workers an hour ago. It rolled off into a ravine. And Gary Ellard's car was picked up on a speeding violation in Coeur D'Alene, Idaho."

"Idaho?" Morgan pondered.

"Yep. Stolen by some local kids ten days ago in La Grande. The car was just sitting by the side of the road, keys still in the ignition. They made a typically sound teenage decision and decided to take it on a cross-state joyride."

"Garcia, I need to know the exact spot where the vehicles were originally found." Hotch voiced as he walked away from the group.

Jamie stood by with her other team members. "Well, that was interesting." she mused.

As quickly as he left, Hotch was back, motion with his hand for the team to follow him. He stopped at the board where the map was, where Spencer had pinned papers the day prior.

"Okay, based on what Garcia just gave us, this is the revised best guess on the victim's routes the days that they were abducted."

"Two intersects here and the other two are here." Prentiss pointed out on the map.

"And this is where Rodgers bought his groceries." JJ added.

"Looks like Hicks might have gone there after his doctor's appointment."

"What was at the intersection where Deaver and Ellard crossed?" Jamie questioned.

"That's a shopping center with a dozen or so businesses. We're getting a list as we speak." Hotch clarified.

Suddenly, the Sheriff swung herself around the corner, peeking into the room. "One of our deputies sighted an abandoned car on the outskirts of town. There was a second set of tires tracks behind it that matched those found at Rodgers' abduction sight."

Hotch nodded, moving his sights to his team. "JJ, come with me to the site, the rest of you keep working."

The two agents left, leaving the rest of the team behind. Jamie walked over to the table, sitting down in front of all the paper work covering the table top. She couldn't help but notice Spencer and Morgan walk out of the room together. Even though she shouldn't be paranoid about it, the feeling overcame her and she let out a frustrated sighed, placing her head in her hands.

"Everything okay?" a female voice asked her. It was Emily.

Jamie looked up from her self-pity and shrugged her shoulders. "Depends on what you're talking about. If you're talking about the case, then no. If you're talking about…Spencer, then no. So, either way, nothing is really okay."

Emily sat down next to her, giving Jamie her full attention. "You want to talk about it for a minute?"

"I mean, there's really nothing to talk about. He hates me and I don't know what to do about it."

Emily tilted her head in sympathy and gave a small smile. "I guarantee that he doesn't hate you. I've known Reid for a while and I think I know just as well as you do that he's not the best at opening up about his feelings."

"You could say that again…"

"I'm sure things will turn around. I don't think you're going anywhere, so if you want my advice, wait it out. The job will provide somewhat of a distraction and the rest will fall in line."

"Thanks." Jamie said, almost in a whisper.

The fact that Emily took a moment of her valuable time to sit down and talk to Jamie, filled the girl with some hope. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. She knew that they were all interested in her past with the genius, even though a couple of them never showed it. Then, she thought about Spencer, about how he might be feeling. She knew she couldn't know exactly what he was going through, but he had a pretty damn good idea. The ghost of everything they used to be, would be proud. They both carried an immense amount of light and fire between the both of them and one day, the light and the fire dimmed. Sure, he could try to push her away and not want to bring up their history, but it would always be there. A ghastly reminder of what could've been.

Spencer had always been her big "what if".


Thanks for reading and remember to review! I would really appreciate it.

If you like Supernatural, check out my work(s): The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester & Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots