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Not Like This

Chapter Twenty-eight: Knock, Knock: Get the Door, it's Shame

The room was still, the heavy weight of darkness engulfing everything in its path. Jamie Carter laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling, hesitant to move. The other side of her usually empty bed was occupied. The heat coming from the body was different, a strange feeling compared to the normal coolness. She let her eyes drift over to the other side of the mattress, combing the form of Spencer's body under the ruffled bed sheets. Waiting for him to fall asleep had proven to be longer than she anticipated; but when he finally dozed off, Jamie's mind decided it was okay to go ramped.

"What did I do?"

"What did I do?"

"What did I do?"

It was like her mind didn't know any of the other thousands of words from the English language. Her life was getting more complicated and at times she felt that the world was out to get her, or she deserved whatever she got handed to her- good or bad. Yet, she never stopped to wonder if she was doing this to herself, if her actions had consequences. Perhaps that is a side effect of a closed off being, or an open heart; a heart whose vulnerable to anything that charges its way. Jamie was never too sure if what or who she let into her life was permanent, but she believed that she learned that lesson long ago. At times, she would rather go numb, than live a life full of emotions or satisfaction. Then again, she felt alive when she was around those who lit up her life, rather than step on the buds that would manage to grow through the cracks.

"What did I do?"

"What did I do?"

"What did I do?"

It wasn't that she would shut down, she was just someone who didn't need the words of others to tell her how to feel, or what to do with her life. Jamie had decided long ago, that she didn't need others to help her find herself; but in time, that choice proved to be lacking wisdom. She had left one world behind, a world that was comfortable and welcoming, for a world that was cold and without genuine human interconnections. For a while, that was okay with her. Anything that helped her to forget what she didn't want to remember, was embraced.

When she began a new life without Spencer, it was painful. She would sit around with new people, watching movies, drinking till she couldn't stand, sharing Chinese takeout, pretending that he didn't exist. She would lose sleep, because her mind wouldn't shut up with thoughts of him. Closing her eyes only revealed the image of him and she would have to blink back tears as she sniffled in a coffee shop. After a while, she became accustomed to the pain. Everything stopped hurting and she just felt nothing at all, nothing except the tinge of sharp guilt within her being, a wave of shame. The pain turned into a dull ache overtime, when she uncovered a photo of the two of them or found his t-shirt that she accidentally packed in her suitcase. Things changed and Jamie realized that the pain was diminishing. Suddenly, it didn't hurt as much and the world seemed to stop spinning out of control. Everything in her mind turned quiet, except for that sad track of a heartbreak ballad playing on a loop. She knew the tune by heart and she would never forget it.

She wore it all beautifully, the pain. She kept herself smiling, kept a positive attitude, even when she felt almost nothing inside. It was like a well-fitted garment, tailored to her body and mind. Nobody ever really knew how heavy her heart was, she never let them.

A lone tear ran down her face, spilling into the lines of her skin. Watching him, it made her wonder how he was so content, how he wasn't wide awake and staring into the dark, too. She wouldn't dare get up and leave, especially not in her own house; but at the same time, she didn't know if she could stay there, beside him in the bed. She silently shamed herself and ushered more tears out of her eyes as she turned over, cradling the comforter over her body. Jamie shoveled her face into the fabric, muffling her sniffles, praying that she wouldn't wake up Spencer. She almost felt like she had no right to be crying, to feel sorry for herself…or even feel sorry for Spencer. It was burning and it wouldn't stop until she forgave herself, but she doubted that would ever happen. Carrying the weight of what she had done to him, it ate her alive at times, more in the past than the present; but if she got a second chance, there was no guarantee it wouldn't end up like the first.

"What did I do?"

"What did I do?"

"What did I do?"


June 18, 2004

It was the last place she wanted to be. Going back to Phoenix was not on Jamie's list of things to do, but apparently, it was the cheapest ticket out of California. Just her luck, right? Jamie hadn't been back to the Grand Canyon State since her admittance to CalTech and in all honesty, she wasn't looking forward to being back. Then again, where else was she supposed to go? She felt a little bad for thinking of her parents as a "last resort", but then again, she wouldn't get it better anywhere else. Her arrival would also be a surprise on their part, because Jamie didn't even tell them that she was back in town- or more like running away from her problems. So, whether they supported her or not, Jamie knew she wasn't going back to California.

Her old neighborhood was filled with children in the streets when her cab pulled into the community. The kids scattered about, making way for the slow-moving vehicle. Jamie recognized a couple of them as siblings from old friends she kept in contact with. This housing community was one where everybody knew everybody and everyone knew of everyone's business, even if you didn't want them to know. Her parent's house, one of the biggest in the gated complex, came into view. There were gardeners working outside in the garden and one mowing the luscious green lawn. Jamie rolled her eyes, because her mother told her that she would get rid of the gardeners and get outside herself; but that had obviously been a lie to get Jamie to be quiet about the whole idea.

"Alright, here we are," said the cab driver. "Your total is thirty-six dollars and seventeen cents."

Jamie made eye contact with the driver through the review mirror and dug around her purse, pulling out her a couple of twenties. "Here, keep the change," she told him, "Thank you." After the driver took the money, Jamie collected her bags and made way up the driveway to her house. Stopping at the foot of the pavement, Jamie tried to collect herself. She was trying to decide whether to tell them the real reason she came home, or to wait until her mother was drunk on red wine, her father on scotch, to drop the news. Without making up her mind, Jamie proceeded to walk up the driveway, making her way to the large, red door. She grabbed the knob, turning it as quietly as she could. The door opened without struggle and Jamie popped her head in first, only bringing in her belongings when she didn't see anyone around. The place was just as she had left it. The floors were shiny and the chandelier above the entry way was casting small glimmers onto the wall from the sun. The family pictures seemed untouched, the plants alive and well, her favorite dog's ashes sitting in an urn on the table by the staircase.

Grabbing her one suitcase, Jamie began climbing the stairs to her old room. When she reached it, she opened the door and to her dismay, she found that her parents had turned it into a small gym. She huffed an unamused laugh to herself, but threw her suitcase and purse in there anyway, closing the door when she left. As she made her way back downstairs, she heard voices coming from the kitchen, so she walked towards them; but when she entered the kitchen, there was nobody there. Instead, the voices were coming from the patio. It looked like her mother was having tea with some friends, her father nowhere in sight. So, Jamie decided to raid the fridge. She hadn't eaten since…well, she couldn't remember. Opening the stainless-steel doors of the appliance, Jamie gathered the makings for a sandwich. She placed all the food on the counter, grabbed herself a plate from the cupboard and slapped together a sloppy, yet satisfying sandwich. With her back turned to the patio and being so indulged in her food, Jamie failed to notice the small group of women that had reentered the house.

"Jamie?" a familiar voice called to her, obviously shocked.

Jamie turned around, her mouth full of food, "Hey, mom," she said, talking around her chewed up food.

Jamie's mother looked a little displeased at her daughter's manners. She turned to her guest and said, "Perhaps we can continue this later, ladies?" Everyone agreed, but they weren't subtle in the way they stared at Jamie.

The recent college graduate waved bye to her mother's friends, her sandwich in hand. She gave them a grin and laughed to herself as they left the building. Going back to the fridge, Jamie pulled out a coke and cracked it open, taking a big gulp from the bottle. When she closed the door, her mother was standing there, hands on her hips, a stern look on her face.

Without missing a beat, or acting as if anything was wrong, Jamie said, "What's up, mom?"

"Jamison, what are you doing here?"

Jamie cringed at her real name and ate the last bite of her food. She dusted her hands off over the counter, "Seriously, literally nobody calls me that."

"Well, that is your name. Is it not?" her mother questioned.

"It's not my fault you decided to name me after dad."

Her mother shook her head and stepped forward, "Sweetheart, what are you doing here? I thought you were in California."

Jamie nodded her head, confirming her mother's thought. She drank from her coke bottle, enjoying the fizzles in her mouth, "I was, but I decided to come home."

"Is everything okay? How about Spencer?"

There it was, the one subject she was hoping to avoid.

"Things are fine, mom. I just…I don't know. Can a daughter not come home and visit her parents?"

"Of course, you can," Jamie's mom replied, her face softening. She stepped forwards, taking her daughter in a hug, "It's so good to see you."

"You too, mom."

"Honey?"

"Hmm?"

"You smell like a bus…"

Jamie couldn't help but laugh as she pulled away from her mom. She looked down at herself, "Yeah, that's probably because I was on a bus for several hours."

"I'll tell you what, how about you go get cleaned up and when your father gets home, we can all catch up, yeah?

"Sounds good," Just as Jamie was walking away to go clean up, she stopped and turned back around towards her mother. "Um, what happened to my room?"

Jamie's mom stopped picking up the mess from Jamie's lunch, "Okay, so…we might've turned it into an at-home gym."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Take your pick from the guest rooms, Jamison."

"No one calls me that!" Jamie called back, leaving her mother in the kitchen.


An old CalTech sweatshirt and some ripped jeans would have to do for dinner attire. Jamie didn't have a lot of choices as it went for clothing, but she was pretty positive that her father would change that. She looked at herself in the mirror, bare face and wet hair standing out like a sore thumb. However, she wasn't planning on going out anywhere, so being dressed up didn't matter. Sighing, Jamie turned off the light to her bathroom and exited the guest room. Walking down the stairs, Jamie heard the familiar voice of a man, who was no doubt her father. She walked a little slower, almost tiptoeing towards the voice. It wasn't that she was scared of the man, just sort of nervous, because she hadn't yet come up with a story as to why she had emerged all of a sudden. Rounding the corner into the living room, Jamie saw her mother and her father sitting on one of the couches.

"Dad," Jamie called out, waiting for him to turn around. When he did, she saw happiness in his eyes, which genuinely surprised her.

"There's my girl!" he shouted, walking over and scooping his daughter up in a tight hug. "How are you, kiddo?"

"I'm good, dad."

"You sure? We weren't expecting you."

Jamie scrubbed at her temple, "I know. I just…missed you guys."

"Hmm, okay, I'll take it," her dad replied, sitting back down on the couch with his wife. "How's that boyfriend of yours?"

"He's doing well."

"Did he do something wrong? Is that why you're here? Because you can tell me if I need to-"

"Jeez, dad, no. It's nothing like that."

"Alright, I'm just letting you know, because I know a guy-"

"Jamison!" Jamie's mother called him out, swatting him on the arm. "Our daughter doesn't need you hiring a hitman."

"He's not even a hitman, Kirstin."

Jamie was laughing, enjoying the banter of her parents. "I promise, everything is good."

"Just making sure, sweetheart," Jamison told her. "So, how about some food?"

"I'm starving," Jamie said, standing from her seat.

"Didn't you just eat?" Kirstin asked her daughter, looking a bit confused.

"Yeah, but that was the first thing I've eaten since, like, yesterday morning."

"Oh god, Kirstin, we have an emergency!" Jamison shouted. "Our poor daughter is starving over there in California!"

Kirstin let out a small chuckle, standing from her seat, "Let me go see what I can whip up really quickly," she told them, leaving for the kitchen.

Jamie and her dad nodded in acknowledgment, watching Kirstin leave the room.

Jamieson looked back at his daughter, noticing her vibe. "Jamie, be honest with me. What's going on?"

"Huh?" Jamie tried to play it off, innocence being the best bet.

"You've never once came home because you 'missed us'. So, that's what gave it away for me."

Jamie sighed and went to sit on the couch with her dad, "I just needed some space, some time to…"

"To what?"

"To clear my head," Jamie replied. Then, she stood up from the couch and straightened out her sweater, "I'm going to go see if mom needs any help."


"We were at UCLA for a football game and my friend Liam, he literally threw up all over these girls sitting in front of us!" Jamie told her parents. "It was so embarrassing. We couldn't show our faces at the school ever again."

"That dramatic, huh?" her dad asked, eating his soup.

Jamie shrugged, "It makes for a good story."

"It sounds like your last year was one for the books then?"

"You could say that. I wouldn't do it all over again though, too many sleepless nights."

"Studying of course, right, Jamison?" Kirstin asked her with knowing eyes.

"Absolutely, mother."

"By the way, I called Samantha so she could come visit you."

Jamie stopped eating and stared at her mother, "Samantha Barnes?"

Her mother nodded, "Yes. She moved back here not that long ago. Found a job as a social worker for juveniles or something."

"No way," Jamie breathed out. "I haven't seen Sam since…hell, I don't even know."

Samantha Barnes was Jamie's oldest friend. They grew up together in Arizona, always went to the same school, celebrated birthdays together, went through first hearts breaks together, the works of a life-long friendship.

"That'll be good," Jamie's father said. "You look like you could use a friend."

"Gee, thanks dad."

"Just an observation, Jamie."

"Right…"

"Now, you two. This isn't the place for that," Kirstin said, eyeing her family.

"Sorry, mom," Jamie told her, eyes cast down to her bowl. She used her spoon to stir the liquid, scooping and pouring it back into the bowl. Then, she felt it. No matter what she tried to do, the feeling wouldn't drop. Jamie didn't want to cause a scene, but if she didn't get to the bathroom quickly, her mother would get regurgitated soup all over her fancy dinner table. "Um, excuse me, please," Jamie said, trying to not rush out of the dining room.

"You alright?" her mother called out, but she didn't get a response.

Jamie made it to the downstairs guest bathroom, since she didn't want to chance it by going up the stairs. She knelt onto the bathroom floor, lifting the toilet lid just enough for her to stick her head in and release what was coming up. She was sweaty and heaving, even though there was nothing left to come out. The tears made themselves present in her eyes, but she blinked them away, as she didn't want to give her parents anymore reason to question her reappearance. Jamie closed the lid and flushed its contents, pushing herself up from the floor. She washed her mouth out and splashed water on her face. The doorbell could be heard on the other side of the door, ringing a few times. She leaned on the sink and prayed to whatever higher power existed that her parents weren't on the other side of the door, listening to her vomiting. However, she knew she couldn't keep up the lying forever. Drying her hands and face off, Jamie combed back her hair and forced herself to put on a smile, ready to present herself as happy to the world.

Jamie opened the bathroom door and turned the corner to go back to the kitchen, unexpectedly bumping into something- or more like, someone.

"So, you go away to California and turn into some binging stereotype?"

Jamie's eyes went wide and when she recognized who she was staring at, she lit up with joy. "Oh my god, Sam!" Jamie jumped onto her best friend, wrapping her legs around her, sending the other girl stumbling backwards until she caught her footing.

"It's good to see you, too, J," Sam told her through a laugh, using Jamie's nickname she gave her when they were kids.

Jamie let go of Sam, her feet touching the ground again. "I didn't know you were coming this soon!"

"Well, your mom called me and I couldn't resist."

"This is so amazing! I missed you!"

"I missed you, too." Sam took Jamie in another hug and squeezed her tight. "What brings you back to the old hometown?"

"Oh jeez, where do I even being?" Jamie said, shaking her head.

"How about we go back to my place? I want every detail of everything that's happened since I last saw you," Samantha began walking, pulling Jamie along with her towards the door.

"You want a year-and-a-half worth of a bunch of nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense!" Sam declared, pulling Jamie out the door. "Especially if it's coming from you."

Jamie was confused, "What does that even mean?"

"You're Jamison Carter," Sam said, using a mocking tone and motioning for Jamie to follow her to her car. Sam owned a beautiful, silver convertible BMW, a gift for her college graduation from her parents.

"That's never been a good thing," Jamie retorted, jumping into the passenger's seat, "And please, I beg of you, do not call me that."

"One, it was always a good thing and two, you gave me the okay to use that name when we were fourteen. Therefore, I have the best-friend right," Sam claimed proudly.

"Sure, Samantha…" Jamie retorted, not missing a beat with the sarcasm, "And being a 'Carter' was only useful about four years ago."

Sam shrugged and started her engine, "Fair enough, but that doesn't give you an excuse to leave out any details."

"Fine, fine," Jamie said, raising her hands in surrender, "but I get to drive the car after."

Samantha threw her head back and let out a genuine laugh, "Not a chance in hell, J."


It was later in the night, around ten o'clock and Jamie and Sam were enjoying a view of the stars from Sam's backyard.

"I wish we would've went to college together," Sam said.

"Then we would probably never have gotten our degrees."

"Ha, I'll give you that one."

"We aren't that bad, we've matured," Jamie claimed, but started laughing, because that wasn't entirely true. "Maybe a few years ago we could've gotten into some trouble, but I think it's a good thing we went separate ways for school."

"Oh god, don't tell me your all into that 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' crap."

Jamie scoffed, "Oh please, you love all that gushy crap."

"…yeah, I do."

The silence was nice. For the first time in a while, Jamie felt content, almost at peace. Being back in Arizona with her oldest friend, made her feel nostalgic. There was just something about Samantha Barnes that Jamie couldn't find in anyone else she had met. Though, at the same time, talking to Sam made Jamie realize just how much her life had changed. Moving to a different state, graduating from CalTech, and falling in love for the first time. Sam had never done anything to betray Jamie's trust, she never went behind her back and that why in this very moment, Jamie knew that she could trust Sam with what she was about to tell her.

She just needed to mentally and emotionally prepare herself to do so.

One minute

Two

Three

Four

Five minutes

Six

Seven

Eight

"…Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant."

The silence was still calming. Jamie didn't mind it and she didn't mind waiting for her news to catch up to Sam. She would wait outside all night if she had too, but I just felt good to finally tell someone. She had found out a while before she left California, which gave her enough time to freak out and uproot her life, while ruining someone else's.

"…Jamie?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if-if I need to clean my ears out or if I'm just hearing things-"

"I'm pregnant, Sam."

"Holy shit…"

Jamie huffed a breath and sat up in her lawn chair, "I know, crazy, huh?"

"Try freaking insane!" Sam yelled, sitting up as well.

"Hey now, you don't have to yell."

"Sorry, but I just-I can't…" Sam stared at Jamie, her eyes telling a story of pure surprise. "Oh my god!"

"Should we wait for the initial shock to go away to talk about it?"

"Oh no, the shock isn't going to go away," Sam declared. "One more time for me, like I'm a child. You're really pregnant?"

Jamie nodded, "I really am…". Her voice was monotone, seeming uninterested in the fact.

"Woah," Sam started out into the yard, collecting herself as she thought out the bomb her best friend just dropped.

"Found out a while ago, came back here to…I don't even know why I came back here," Jamie thought for a moment. Her eyes went back to the dark horizon, her eyebrows creasing together, "Actually, I do know why…"

"What's that?"

"California to Arizona was the cheapest ticket I could afford."

"J, that seriously blows."

"I don't know where else I would've gone."

"Wait a second…" Sam started. "It's Spencer's, right? Or did I miss something?"

Jamie looked at her best friend, giving her a look that said, "don't be dumb". "Of course, it's his. He's the only one I've ever been with."

"Wow, really?! I mean, those Cali boys jump at any opportunity to-"

"Sam, that's not even remotely relative to me."

"Right, sorry," Sam said. "So, what you up and left your guy?" The question came out as more of a joke, but when Jamie started at her without saying a word, her joke turned into something else entirely. "Jamie, you're freaking kidding me…"

"What?" Jamie asked, nonchalant.

"You left him?"

"Basically…"

"Basically? J, there's nothing basic about this situation!"

"Keep your voice down," Jamie growled, "You're going to wake someone."

"I don't give a damn! Why- no, how could you do that?"

"It wasn't easy, believe me." Jamie's casual tone was getting under Sam's skin.

"And what? He just had nothing to say about it? About his own kid?"

Another round of silence followed and Jamie felt stuck. Had she made a mistake by telling Sam?

"I never told him, Sam."

"…you never told him that you were pregnant?"

"Nope, and in all honesty, I find it kind of hard to believe that he didn't notice the signs. I mean, the guy's got an IQ of like one-hundred-"

"You're a stone-cold bitch."

"…excuse me?" Jamie asked her, incredulous.

"I know I don't need to repeat myself," Sam said, standing up from her chair. "Do you not have a conscious?"

Jamie rolled her eyes and stood, to, "Of course, I do."

"Then what the hell, Jamie?!"

"I don't know!" It was Jamie's turn to yell now. "I know what I want and this," she shouted, using one finger to point to her stomach, "This is not it!"

Sam's eyes went wide, "What're you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm not sorry for wanting what I deserve and I'm not sorry for walking away to get it!"

"Who the hell are you, right now?"

"I'm a pregnant, twenty-two-year-old who isn't ready for a damn kid!" Jamie's words were pouring out, tears included. She wasn't lying to herself, or to Sam; she wasn't ready to have a kid, she didn't even know if she really wanted kids. What she did know, was that she couldn't be a mother, not when she didn't want to be. No child deserved that. "Samantha, please, I need your help."

Sam looked at her, eyebrows knitted together and arms crossed in a protective manner, "Help with what?"

"You know what…"

Sam scoffed and threw her hands into the air, "An abortion, Jamie? You can't be serious."

"But I am and I'm asking for your help!"

"Do you even know what you're saying?"

"Yes! Sam, oh my god, I'm not a child, but I'm also not ready to be a mother!" she screamed, arms wide open at her sides. Jamie was full on crying now, practically begging her best friend to help her end the pregnancy. "I just-I need someone on my side here."

"What about Spencer, huh? How's he going to feel about this?"

"He doesn't have to know and if I have anything to do with it- which I do, he's never going to find out about this."

"So, what? You're just never going to see him again?"

Jamie sniffled and wiped her face. She took a deep breath, hands settled on her hips now, her mind in an avalanche of chaos, "It's not like I could go back to him, not after this. It wouldn't be that simple, it-it just can't be."

"My god, Jamie," Sam stood there shaking her head. She watched as her best friend sunk down onto the grass in the dark, crying into her hands. When she heard that Jamie was back in town, she never imagined their reunion to go like this. She had her own tears coming now. Walking over to Jamie, she knelt beside her and lifted her up from the ground, embracing her in a hug. "Let's go get ready for bed, okay?"

Jamie nodded into Sam's arm, letting herself lean on her as they walked back into the house. They made it up the stairs and into Sam's room. Jamie sat herself down on the bed, kicking off her shoes and laying down without changing her clothes. She pulled her phone from her pocket, texting her mom.

To: Mom

10:37 P.M.: I'm spending the night at Sam's. Don't wait up. Love you.

Jamie tossed her phone behind her and watched as Sam walked towards her from the bathroom.

Sam laid down next to her, bringing the box of tissues from her nightstand onto the bed. Jamie picked one from the bunch and wiped her nose, tears still coming down her face.

"Tell me one thing," Sam whispered to Jamie, "Did you love him?"

Jamie sniffled and began crying harder when she heard Sam's words, "I'll always love him…but I can't do this."

Sam took one hand and stroked Jamie's hair, not saying anything else, other than, "I'll be here for you, okay? Every step of the way."


June 23rd, 2004

The clinic wasn't too busy, which Jamie was grateful for. She walked in and filled out her forms, insurance and such. The beading eyes from other woman were obvious when Jamie looked up, she could feel their judgement; but who were they to judge? Sam nudged her, telling her to ignore them and finish filling out the papers. Jamie did just that and when she handed back the forms to the woman behind the reception, her body went ridged.

She was scared.

This was a decision that she had made before running back to Arizona, but now that it was actually happening, she had to wonder if she was losing her mind. She sat back down next to Sam and started chewing on her fingernails.

"Ew," Sam scolded, pulling Jamie's hand away from her mouth, "Don't do that."

"Sorry, mom."

"Speaking of mom, what does yours think you're doing right now?" Sam asked, keeping her voice low.

"She thinks that we're having lunch and shopping at the mall. That's why she gave me her credit card."

"What I wouldn't give for that to be true…"

Jamie turned her face, giving Sam an unfriendly look, "Really, Sam?"

"It's the truth."

"Can't blame you, I guess." Jamie replied, sighing.

Sam spared a glance at Jamie, then turned her eyes to a poster about the alternatives to pregnancy, "You know you can change your mind, right? We can walk out of here, no questions asked."

"I'm not changing my mind."

"Just…throwing that out there," Sam shrugged.

The wait to be called back into the clinic took longer than they had anticipated. The nerves never settled and with every second that passed, Jamie just wanted to get it done and over with. She knew she could do what Sam had told her; she could walk right out of that clinic and not look back, but she didn't think she was brave enough to do that. This action would be carried out due to her own selfish nature.

"Jamie Carter?" a woman called out to the room.

When she heard that voice call her name, her heart dropped into her stomach. Jamie stood up from her seat and when she noticed Sam doing the same, she stopped her, "Sam, you're not going back there with me."

"What? Are you sure?"

Jamie nodded and gave a small, not too reassuring smile, "Just wait here, okay?"

"I'll be here," Sam promised, sitting herself back down.

Jamie took in a deep breath and began walking back towards the nurse who had called her name. The hallway that she had entered was cold and sad looking, even though everything was white, it gave her an eerie feeling. The nurse led her to a small room and instructed her to sit on the examination chair. Jamie had her vitals checked, gave her history of health, the usual stuff they ask for. When the nurse left, Jamie was left all alone in the room. It was one of the most uncomfortable places she had ever been in her life and she knew, deep down, that this feeling would stay with her forever. This choice, to end her pregnancy, would be on her mind not just for a while, but for as long as she lived. She knew what she was in for, what pains she would possibly feel, what emotional toll it would take on her mind. Even though Jamie had thought about having kids- someday, the thought of caring for one now, at her age, scared her to death. She didn't want to be one of those mothers who resented her child for coming into her life at the wrong time. A child deserves a home, a family who cares for their well-being, a forever place.

Just because she didn't want to be a mother, didn't mean that someone else didn't want to be.

That's why, as soon as Jamie heard the door to the examination room begin to open, she jumped off the chair and shoved past the doctor who was about to see her. She weaved in and around others as she made her way back to the waiting room. She ran over the Sam, who was just as surprised as Jamie was, when Jamie grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the building.

"Jamie?! What are you doing?!" Sam shouted, more confused than ever. Jamie was shoving Sam into the driver's seat and running over to the passenger's as soon as Sam got in.

"Remember you said, 'no questions asked'?! Just drive, Sam!"

Sam sped off, peeling out of the parking lot. She looked back over at Jamie a few times, wanting the girl to explain her sudden actions. "You want to explain to me what the hell just happened?!"

Jamie just shook her head, letting her hair fly in every direction due to the wind. She didn't know what to say, except, "What did I do?"