I'll just leave this here... There might even be a sneak peek at the next chapter down below.

All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.


Not Like This

Chapter Thirty: Choices

March 9th, 2015

Walking into the bullpen on a fresh Monday morning gave Jamie a tinge of optimism. It was a new beginning and she had every intention of making it a good day. The elevator to the floor of the Behavioral Analysis Unit was seemingly packed. A couple of times, with sheer luck, Jamie had managed to balance her cup of coffee and not spill it on some of the higher-ups. She was eager to get back to work and her nerves shot through her body. It was like she was entering the place for the first time again, the new agent. That was almost a year ago. Agent Carter had come a long way since then. Finally, the elevator opened the doors to the sixth floor. Jamie waited for everyone else to exit, as she was cramped in the back. When it was clear, she walked swiftly to the double glass doors, pulling one open with her free hand. It was like she was back home. Jamie's heels clicked on the floor as she walked, which was music to her ears. Even though it was a Monday morning, people in the bullpen seemed to be on top of their work. She approached her desk and placed her belongings on top. As her eyes went around the organized chaos, memories of the last time she was here began to flood her mind; how she was called into Strauss' office, yelled at by Agent Hotchner, and then put on a week of mandatory leave. "Don't think about any of it…" she told herself, taking in a deep breath. She commanded her thoughts, even while the little voice in her head told her it was her fault.

Jamie saw Derek across the room, having a conversation with JJ. They were the only two of the team in sight and it made Jamie a little anxious. The last time she was here, she stormed past Morgan without a word and the last time she saw JJ, Jamie cried on her porch steps. JJ had a reason to still be angry with her. Her actions had put people she cared about at risk. All because she was having a hard time dealing with her emotions. Jamie knew she would have to tread lightly. With the second, deep breath of the morning, Jamie picked up her cup of coffee from her desk and began walking over to Derek and JJ.

"Morning guys," Jamie spoke as normally as she could, "how are you?"

"Well, well. Carter, good to see you back." Morgan greeted, giving a small smile.

"Hi, Jamie." JJ said. She looked at Jamie quickly, then turned away. Jamie knew her welcoming was more out of politeness than anything. Her quiet tone gave it away, along with the cold shoulder.

"Okay, I deserve that." Jamie said to herself. She didn't want this to be awkward. There was no reason for it to be difficult, but it was. The conversation between Derek and JJ ceased to exist and Jamie prayed for something to happen. "How's the therapy going, JJ?" Out of all the topics to be discussed, of course she had to bring up the source of the anger JJ had been harboring.

JJ's face remained stoic as she faced Jamie again. She shrugged her shoulder, the one with the sling wrapped around it. "The wounds still healing. Can't start therapy yet."

"Oh…" That's all Jamie said and then she left it alone.

"You know what, I forgot I had a phone call to make. See you guys in a little bit." JJ said. She walked away with stride, probably glad to leave the situation.

Jamie watched her friend walk away and shook her head. "She hates me."

"You kind of did get her shot." Morgan replied.

Jamie turned to her other friend. She gave him a look that said "seriously?", but she knew he wasn't playing around. "I can't apologize enough."

Morgan shrugged, "She'll come around."

"And to mention…I never even apologized to you." Jamie realized.

"It's fine," he told her, "I'm fine. Just don't do something stupid like that again."

Jamie nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "I am sorry, though. Genuinely sorry."

"I know. How're you, though?" he asked, sitting straighter in his desk chair.

Jamie thought for a moment. She had done half of what she promised Dr. Ross she would do. Plus, she had no idea how to approach the idea when it came time to confront it. "Um, I-I'm doing better."

Morgan gave her a skeptical look. "Really? Because you don't seem too sure of yourself."

"Okay, fine. I'm working through the issues. It'll take some more time."

Would it really, though? Jamie knew her personal problems stemmed from way back and when they were brought to the surface, it was hard to get rid of them. The ringing of her cellphone in her pocket sounded and brought her out of the daze she was going in. She took out the device and saw the caller. It was Hotch.

"Hello?" Jamie answered, tone neutral.

"Carter, have you come into the office yet?"

Jamie turned her head around and let her eyes search the room. "Yeah, I'm here now actually."

"I need you to come to my office when you have a moment."

"Sure thing. Be there in a few."

Jamie hung up the phone and slid it back into her pocket. "That was Hotch." she told Morgan. "I'll see you later."

There was honestly no telling what Hotch wanted to talk to her about. Of course, she thought, it's going to be about her coming back to work; but it would be nice to know what she was going into. So, Jamie quickly finished her half cup of coffee and began up the catwalk. She didn't want to keep her boss waiting. The door to his office was slightly ajar when she got there. Her hand knocked on the door and she stuck her head in.

Hotch looked up from his pile of papers. "Carter, come in. Shut the door."

Jamie entered the office, a little hesitant. She hoped it didn't show. "Should I sit?"

"If you want to."

Jamie sat down in one of the two chairs. She sat up straight, ankles crossed and hands placed together on her lap. No words came from her. She wanted to wait and see how he would begin.

Hotch waited a moment and finished signing a document. He flipped it over, before he spoke. "How've you been doing?"

"I'm doing better." Jamie answered. "Just glad to be back at work."

Hotch nodded, acknowledging her statements. "I need you to understand that the behavior you were exhibiting will not be tolerated again." His eyes were focused, head bowed slightly.

"I know that, believe me." Jamie told him. "I put lives in jeopardy and that's not something that'll just be forgotten." She waited a moment, debating if to tell him about her visit with Dr. Ross. It was written all over her face…and Hotch noticed.

"Is there something you need to tell me?"

Jamie met eyes with the man. "While I was on leave…I had a session with Dr. Ross."

Hotch seemed slightly surprised by the fact. "That's good."

"It was. It gave me some insight and shed some light on a few personal issues I've been dealing with."

"Should I be concerned?"

"No," Jamie replied quickly, "It's being dealt with."

"Okay, I just want to make sure that you're going to be able to work. We've got a big case."

That made Jamie perk up. "Where at?"

"Kansas."

Jamie nodded. "When do we start?"

Hotch stood up from his desk, straightening his suit. "Now, we need to debrief."

Jamie stood as well. "I'm ready." Her tone was breathy and she had a few seconds where she needed to convince herself everything would be alright.

"Let's go then." Hotch said and the two walked out of his office and down to the debriefing room together.

Down the hallway, Jamie could hear everyone already in the room. Her nerves started to act up again. There was no reason to be nervous, though. When the two agents entered, all eyes went to them. Hotch, of course, had no problem with it and neither did Jamie. It was just a tad uncomfortable.

"Oh, you're back!" Penelope exclaimed. She clicked her way through the room in her bright heels and hugged Jamie. "We missed you!"

Jamie smiled and hugged her back. "I missed you guys, too."

"Good to see you, Carter." Rossi spoke, as Penelope released Jamie from her warm embrace.

"Thanks, Rossi." Jamie said. She took a seat at the table and grabbed the case file in front of her. She looked around the table and saw Spencer. He hadn't said anything to her, or even give her a nod of acknowledgment. Jamie didn't know if he was mad at her, too, or if he just didn't have anything to say to her. As she was handed a case file, Jamie kept glancing Spencer's way. There was a piece of her that wanted him to look her way.

"Okay, we need to get started." Hotch said. "Garcia?"

"Right." She turned on the big screen and three pictures of different women came up. "For the next few days-or however long it takes to solve this one, you're all wanted in Wichita, Kansas. These three women, Victoria Shannon, Everlyn Meyers, and Josie Cortese have all been discovered dead along the shore of the Little Arkansas River. These events have all taken place over the last four weeks."

"And they're thinking it's the work of a serial killer, correct?" Rossi asked, tapping his fingers on the cold table top. "Says in the report their mutual cause of death was bunt force trauma to the skull."

"Yes, sir. Each of these women had the same ligature marks on their wrist and ankles, along with similarly placed blunt force trauma on their abdomen as well."

Jamie listed and looked over her file with great intent. She felt she had something to prove, that she had to make some sort of comeback. Even with those ridiculous thoughts in her head, she stared at pictures of the ligature marks on one of the victim's bodies. She brought the picture closer to her face and wondered. "Am I crazy or do those scratches on the wrist and ankles look like they came from barbed wire?"

"Could be." said Morgan. "Anyone who's willing to handle that stuff is either very prepared or they straight up don't care."

"You can see all those similarities in the photos and another one is that all these women held high authority jobs as well." Garcia relayed.

"Shannon was a divorce lawyer, Meyers was a CEO of an organic clothing company, and Cortese was a well-known college professor."

"None of those seem to be related at all." JJ said, confused and flipping through her file.

"They never do." Hotch added, standing from his seat. He walked to the front of the room and stood by Garcia. "The time frame for these victims is changing as we speak. The first two victims had a time frame of five days between their disappearances and their bodies being found. With the last one it only took three days for it all to happen."

"So, the kill cycle is speeding up which could indicate that the thrill isn't enough for him anymore." Spencer noted.

"Or maybe he's getting bored." Jamie countered. Spencer shot her an annoyed look and she didn't miss it. Jamie cleared her throat and sat up straighter in her chair. "When a person commits a murder, most of the time it's intentional and for a predatory reason. They have choices to make and maybe killing people isn't what he thought it would be."

"Let me get this straight," Reid lightly challenged, "you're saying that our unsub just decided to stop killing out of-what? The kindness of his heart? I don't think so."

"That's not what I'm saying at all, but it is important in this line of work to have an open mind."

"Maybe he's scared he'll get caught." Morgan suggested before Spencer could reply to Jamie.

"If this unsub was scared of getting caught then why would they murder three women with high profiles?" JJ questioned the group.

The tension was floating around the room, no fault to any specific person.

"These are all questions we can discuss on the flight to Kansas. We need to get going." Hotch said, looking at his watch. "Wheels up in forty-five."

The group began to disburse. Everyone picked up their files and coffee cups to leave the room. Jamie lingered a bit longer while keeping her eyes on Spencer. She scooped up her belongings like the others and waited for him to do the same. She watched him make his way out of the room into the small hallway and she was right behind him. "Spencer!" she called out.

Spencer didn't stop walking. He only looked back over his shoulder at her, but continued walking.

"I know you hear me! Stop acting immature."

That must've gotten his attention because he stopped walking. Spencer turned around as they were now in the middle of the bullpen. "Do you need something?" The tone was cold and seemingly uninterested.

Jamie finally stopped in front of him. Her short legs not able to keep up with his angsty strides. "What the hell was that in there?"

Spencer looked around the bullpen, like he was looking for a way out of the conversation. "What was what?"

"Oh my god..." Jamie tried to keep her cool. She placed her left on her hip, pinching the bridge of her nose and taking a deeper than necessary breath. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, so don't act clueless. I wasn't trying to challenge you or anything. This team benefits on different perspectives and I thought you respected that."

A thought process was going through his mind, but Spencer thought it best to not bring up any of the topics that would cause a fight. Although, one already seemed to be forming. "I do respect that. You're well aware of that." he pushed back. "I just don't agree with you."

"And you made it very clear." Jamie was taken aback with his attitude. If they were discussing their own personal issues, then she could understand. This was work and they were currently having this talk where all of their coworkers could see them. "Let me make it clear that I'm back here to do my job. I need smooth sailing, okay?"

Spencer rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was very out of character for him. "You wouldn't need smooth sailing if you had done your job right in the first place." Once more, he looked around the room but this time he made his exist from the conversation.

Jamie was left there, emotionally wounded. She had to remind herself to keep her composure but couldn't argue with the internal thought that he was right. Smoothing down her blouse and catching the spying eyes of Jennifer, Jamie walked hastily to her desk. She snatched up her go-bag from the bottom drawer and walked out the doors of the fourth floor.


The team sat closely together on the plane, discussing specific points about the case that they found interesting.

"There's obviously some place where the unsub keeps these women. We need to be more methodical in how we piece this together." Hotch told the team.

"We have three high profile women and they're all around the same age. Maybe our unsub has authority issues, more specifically with women."

"Certainly, a possibility." Spencer agreed, "You know, I find it strange that the medical examiner hasn't found the cause of death yet."

"Same here," JJ jumped in. "For now, we only have what's in these files and what we can theorize ourselves. We need to do some research before we land."

Everyone simultaneously agreed. They needed to get more information on each victim. Where they lived, where they worked, the people in their lives. It was a lot to dig up in a short period of time.

Jamie moved to the back corner of the jet. She usually sat in that spot when something was wrong. Which seemed to be happening to her more often these days. The isle seat allowed her to see everyone on the plane as they did their part of the work.

A couple of hours into the flight, people were taking a short break. Morgan and Spencer were playing checkers and of course, Spencer had Morgan beat every time. Jamie enjoyed listening to the banter. It made her heart lighter.

A smug "check mate" came from across the jet and Jamie looked up from her tablet to see Spencer rise as victorious once again. Morgan folded his arms and pouted at his growing losing streak. "That's it, I'm out." he called. "This game is rigged."

"Oh, come on." Spencer chimed, setting up for a new game. "Any other takers?" The question seemed open, but Jamie didn't dare answer to it. "Nobody?"

Jamie tried to keep her head down and eyes glued to her tablet screen. She knew it was coming, though.

"You game, Carter?" Morgan asked her.

Jamie took a breath and looked up from her electronic device. She gave him a slight smile but shrugged. "I'm more of a checkers kind of girl." She could hear Spencer scoff from her seat. "Is that funny to you, Spencer?"

He looked over his shoulder at Jamie. "Yeah, a little bit." He faced back around and asked JJ if she wanted to play. Jamie held her tongue and got back to her work. Now she knew where the tension was coming from and it seemed to be following her no matter where she went. Yet, she knew she had to persevere. Her energy and her mood were completely up to her. Everything is a choice, and everybody has to make them.

The silence was cut by Hotch's ringing cell phone. "Hotchner." Hs greeting rang through the air. Without a doubt, everyone on that plane was trying to listen to the call. The team would get the news once the call was done, of course. "Thank you for letting me know. I'll fill in my team. See you soon."

"What happened?" JJ asked for everyone.

"There's been another report of a missing women. Came in last night for a woman named Taylor Schillings."

"Do you think he's going to speed up his process? Make it quicker than the last victim?" Jamie questioned.

"I'd say so." Hotch answered. "We're still about an hour out. We'll know more soon."


The team landed in Kansas and had SUV's ready for them on the blacktop. When they arrived at the Wichita Police Department, they were greeted by the lead detective on the case, Detective Grady.

"You must be the BAU." Grady stated as he shook the hands of each member. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

"Likewise," Hotch replied. He introduced the team and they went to work. Like any other precinct, there was a conference room that served as their work station.

"So, what exactly has been going on since you got hold of the case?" Rossi wondered.

Grady scratched the back of his head. "Honestly, not a whole lot. We're still waiting on the rest of the ME reports. Should be back in a couple of hours. We've been trying to interview Taylor Schilling's boyfriend, but he's not being too cooperative."

"He's got to be worried sick about Taylor, Detective Grady." JJ stated, a serious and almost unbelieving look in her eyes. She was always passionate about the feelings of those involved in cases.

"I'm very aware, Agent Jareau." Grady defended. "We just want to get as much information as we can before this guy takes another girl from who knows where..."

"We're all aware of that," Hotch intervened, shooting a subtle look to JJ, "and we want the same thing that you do, Detective. Rossi and Morgan, stay here and begin the victimology and geographical profile. JJ and Reid, I want the two of you to go and interview the victim's families. Start with Taylor's boyfriend and see if you can dig up a connection. Carter, you're with me and Detective Grady at the latest crime scene."

Jamie nodded at her boss and watched everyone else go to their assignments.

"I need to grab one thing from my desk and take it to HR really quick." Grady told Hotch and Jamie. "I'll only be a few minutes." He left, leaving the two others alone.

"I have to ask," Jamie said, curiosity coming through. "Did you assign me to you because you're worried?"

"No," Hotch answered back. "I put you with me and Grady, because I had everyone else where I wanted them. As long as you don't run off, we won't have a problem."

Jamie huffed and crossed her arms. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"Probably not."


The river was a bit of a distance from the precinct. It was remote, but Jamie assumed that's what the unsub liked about the location. Jamie, Detective Grady, and Hotch rolled onto soft dirt by the river. When Jamie got out of the car, her heels sunk into the dirt like it was sand. The scene was grey and cold. Jamie wrapped her jacket closer around her. The wind chill still got in, though. "They were just laid along the river?" she asked, looking around the scene.

The three of them walked towards the place the bodies were found. "Pretty much. There was nothing too significant to how they were put here." Grady replied. "Here's where Cortese was found. Shannon and Meyers were down some ways." Grady gestured down further at the river.

Jamie kneeled down at the bend. There was nothing there. Not even a spec of blood or something that was left behind by mistake. The only thing that was left behind was faint outlines of footprints from the investigators that had been there earlier in the week. Jamie looked out towards the water. She enjoyed the sleek look from the ice on top. "I think I might be underestimating this unsub."

"Unsub?" Grady asked.

"Unknown subject. It's the name we use for our perpetrator." Jamie replied. "In this case, it's the man who did this."

"And you know for a fact that this was a male?" Grady questioned. He seemed skeptical.

"Not for a fact, but more than likely it was a male. The use of the barbed wire and the nature of blunt force trauma on their bodies cause for a higher chance of it being a male. It's very violent. Females tend to be more passive or clean."

"Wow, that actually makes sense." Grady said, somewhat under his breath.

"You seem surprised." Jamie stated, a playful half-grin on her face.

"That's because I kind of am."

"We don't have a lot of time here, Detective." Hotch told him. "With the unsub taking less time to murder these women, we likely don't have as long to find her before he actually does kill her. What information had you gotten from the victim's families?"

"You know, the usually." Grady vaguely said, rubbing his hands together for heat. "Questions about why it had to happen to them, who did this, and are we going to find the person responsible." Grady looked at Hotch and Jamie, knowing they were waiting for something more. "Trust me, if there was anything of importance you would be the first to know."

"Maybe JJ and Spencer got something out of them." Jamie said.

"Well, we can walk down to where the others were found, but I'm going to tell you now that those scenes look just like this one." Grady let them know.

"We'll take a look, then head back to the precinct." Hotch informed.

The trio began walking down the river, keeping their eyes peeled for something-anything to give them some information.


When Jamie and Hotch got back to the police department, Grady had left them to give his hand in another case. The team was in the work space, looking sluggish. Spencer was slumped over the long table, head in his hands working on the geographical profile. JJ was sitting next to him, nose buried deep in the files of the victims and attempting to learn everything she could about the victims and their lives. Morgan and Rossi were still working on the geographical profile. There were a lot of pieces to fit together, but there were too many missing pieces.

They all knew time was running short for Taylor Schilling.

It was just about the hit eleven o'clock when Hotch had told the team to go to the hotel and get some sleep. Jamie didn't have to be told twice. She hopped in an SUV with Morgan and Rossi and thought about a big, fluffy hotel bed.

"How was the first day back, Carter?" Morgan asked her.

Jamie kept her eyes out the window of the back seat. "It was good...considering the circumstances."

"That's good."

"I'm just glad to be back." she added, letting her body rest into the leather behind her.

"Good, because we need you here."

Jamie didn't respond. The rest of the ride to the hotel was quiet, the only noise being the soft playing of the radio. When they pulled into the parking lot behind the other SUV, Jamie got out and quickly got her go-bag.

The team all got their rooms and headed up to the third floor. Jamie was in room three-sixteen, while Hotch was beside her in three-fourteen and Morgan on the other side in three-fifteen. She unlocked the room and walked in, kicking off her heels and letting them land wherever they pleased. Her go-bag was tossed onto the floor beside the bed and Jamie let herself fall face first into the white comforter.

She groaned slightly and could feel herself already wanting to fall asleep, but she couldn't. Being at a crime scene all day wasn't the cleanest thing ever. Jamie headed to the bathroom, stripped her clothes and took a quick shower. It was definitely a night for a scolding shower. The steam felt incredible as it hit her. If she could've stay in a there forever, she would've. Stepping out from the tub, Jamie went through the rest of her night routine and by the time she was done, it was only almost twelve-thirty. Yet, that wasn't going to stop her from catching some decent sleep.

It was peaceful in the dark and she felt content. Everything would be okay.

"Shots fired! Shots fired!" the words rang through her ears as she took cover behind one of the doors of the SUV.

"We need a medic! Right now!" Spencer yelled behind him. "She's losing too much blood!"

"Jamie, hey, no, no, no. I need you to keep your eyes open."

Jamie gulped harshly, spitting up more blood as she did. It pushed past her lips, drawing red lines down her chin and out the corners of her mouth. The little effort that she was giving towards keeping her eyes open and holding her head up, seemed to evaporate all at once. Her green eyes rolled back and her head slumped to the side, out of Spencer's grasp.

"Jamie! Jamie! No, please, hey! Not like this…it can't happen like this."

The dream-or more like vivid flashback had Jamie in a cold sweat.

"Shots fired! Shots fired!"

As she suffered through the flashback, the healed wound on her chest began to burn. She hadn't woken up completely yet, but she scratched at her chest.

Scratch

Scratch

Scratch

Over and over again, harder with each pass. What finally woke her up was the wet, sticky feeling on her skin as she rubbed her chest. Her tired eyes flew open and Jamie rushed over to the left side of the bed where the lamp was, turning it on.

Red stained the white bed. It stained her clothes, her skin.

She clawed herself until she bled.

Staring at her hand, Jamie could barely breathe. She hadn't had that dream, relived that night for a long time; but it was evident that it would always be there to haunt her...among other things.

Jamie rubbed her fingers together, watching as the blood swirled on her skin. She looked down at her grey t-shirt, which had a big, red splotch on it.

"Snap out of it, damn it."

She couldn't stay there alone. It would make her more crazy than she already was.

Looking around the room, Jamie saw her keycard. Without thoroughly thinking about her actions, Jamie grabbed it and rushed out her room.

Three-twelve. Three-twelve. Three-twelve.

The person inside that room would know what to do.


On the next chapter of Not Like This:

"Jamie?" the voice asked, clearly disturbed from their sleep.

Jamie stopped in her tracks and took a deep breathe. She didn't turn around just yet.

"Jamie? What are you doing? It's two A.M."

That's when Jamie spun around and watched as her friend's eyes went wide. Their face muddled in confusion.

"Oh my-what happened?"

There was silence as Jamie stood in the hallway in front of the other person. She had to say something...and soon; because there was no getting out of this now.

"Get in here before someone sees you covered in blood."