Hey all, thanks for sticking around for my inconsistent uploading. I'm trying to get back on track with this thing. If you're still here, I want to say thank you. This story became something I wasn't prepared for, but I intend to see it through. I've known the ending from the start. Also, can I just mention that it's been two years since I first uploaded the rewrite? Seems like forever ago.

Anyway, here is a new chapter. Writing original content is hard, so I apologize if this doesn't make sense. (insert nervous emoji here). I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x

All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.


Not Like This

Chapter Thirty-one: Keep it Together

Three-twelve.

The numbers on that door seemed bigger than the ones on her own door. It was distracting.

"That doesn't matter right now!"

It took a minute before her mind came back to her. When it did, Jamie knocked on the door. The hits were soft, maybe not forceful enough to wake the occupant.

Knock, knock.

There was no answer. So, she tried again and knocked harder this time.

Knock, knock, knock!

Wait, what was she doing? The person on the other side didn't want to deal with this right now, right? She caused them enough trouble already and this episode-or whatever this was, would just be adding to their plate. She turned around and started to walk back to her own room.

Then the door opened. "Jamie?" the voice asked, clearly disturbed from their sleep.

Jamie stopped in her tracks and took a deep breathe. She didn't turn around just yet.

"Jamie? What are you doing? It's two A.M."

That's when Jamie spun around and watched as her friend's eyes went wide. Their face muddled in confusion.

"Oh my-what happened?"

There was silence as Jamie stood in the hallway in front of the other person. She had to say something...and soon; because there was no getting out of this now.

"I, uh..." Jamie began, not sure where her words were actually coming from. It was a little difficult to form a sentence. "I don't know."

Her friend shook their head, but their face had sympathy written on it. They motioned with their hand for her to come inside the room. "Get in here before someone sees you covered in blood." Their command was whispered, as neither of them wanted the others to see or hear what was going on. "Hurry up."

Jamie followed them inside. When the door closed behind the two of them, something seemed to snap Jamie out of her trance. She turned around with large eyes and looked directly at her friend. "JJ, I'm so sorry." Jamie told her.

JJ wrapped herself in a black hoodie. She was standing in front of Jamie, pajamas a bright blue color. "What happened to you?" Her eyes scanned Jamie and ended up stopping on the most noticeable part of her colleague.

"Remember Texas?" Jamie asked her, nonchalant. There was no point in trying to hide.

"Texas?" JJ questioned, her face twisting in confusion. Then came a moment of clarity. "Are you talking about the Mills case?"

Jamie was nodding her head along as JJ spoke, confirming JJ's question. "Yeah..." she blurted out quickly. "It's like I was there. All over again an-and I was in his arms, bleeding...dying."

JJ stared at Jamie's chest where her gunshot scar would remain for the rest of her days. Now, it was covered in a deep, crusting red. "I understand that, trust me. And what happened in Texas wasn't that long ago. But what about your chest?"

"I scratched it in my sleep. It was...burning. Jennifer, it hurt so badly." There was no shame or embarrassment in saying those words. Jamie was vulnerable in the moment, but she felt safe in JJ's presence. No matter the situation between them, she knew she could count on JJ.

"Okay, okay." JJ told her quietly. "Let's get you cleaned up." JJ moved over to her go-bag and pulled out some wipes and a clean t-shirt. She handed them to Jamie. "Here, I'm guessing you can handle this alone?" There was a bit of humor behind her words.

Jamie nodded her head and accepted the items. "Yeah, thanks." She took one of the wipes from the container and began to wipe the blood from her hand first. She noticed JJ sit down on the edge of her bed and glanced her way for a moment. "I don't really know why I came here." she admitted. Her attention was on her hand, inspecting it, making sure the red was gone.

JJ didn't respond right away, but that was okay. Even though Jamie had done something incredibly reckless that had gotten JJ injured and could've possibly taken her life, she cared for her friend. "I told you, you can come to me if you ever need anything."

Jamie walked over to the small trashcan by the sink and threw away the few dirty wipes. She looked at JJ and gave a small grin. "I know." Her head dropped down, her attention on the odd patterned carpet. "I know I've said it already, but I'm really sorry that I got you hurt." Her eyes met with JJ's and tears were ready to fall from them.

JJ sighed and offered a similar grin back. "I'm not saying it's okay, but I do forgive you."

Wiping her eyes with her now clean hand, Jamie turned away from JJ and faced the mirror above the sink. She took off her ruined t-shirt, standing only in her shorts and bra. Taking more wipes from the container, she began to wipe the blood from her chest. It hurt a little bit, but that was to be expected when you scratched your skin raw.

JJ was still on the edge of the bed, watching Jamie as she worked. She wanted to ask her friend more about her situation, but she knew it wasn't her place. She wasn't one to pry...but the rules can change when one of your friends knocks on your door at two A.M., covered in blood. "Jamie, are you okay?"

Jamie let out a breathy laugh but kept her attention on herself in the mirror. "Considering I clawed my own flesh and made myself bleed, I'm a little on edge right now."

At least she didn't say she was "fine".

"Can I ask you something? JJ pressed. She didn't want to scare Jamie away. She knew Jamie wasn't the touchy-feely type.

"Go for it."

"Why have you been acting out?" The question was serious, but it was also cautious coming from her mouth.

Jamie threw away the rest of the bloody wipes and closed the package. She observed her wound in the mirror. It was definitely going to take some effort and incredible makeup skills to cover that up. "What do you mean?" Now she was trying to play cool.

JJ stood up from the bed and walked over to Jamie. She crossed her arms and looked at Jamie in the mirror, meeting her eyes for a moment. "I mean the running off and trying to catch an unsub yourself, getting yourself put on mandatory leave. That's what I mean."

"You sound like a mom." Jamie told her, putting on JJ's clean shirt. It was gray and baggy, just how she liked it.

"Well, I am a mom."

Jamie turned to face JJ now. She shrugged, "It's complicated. And I know I can't just tell you there's nothing wrong, especially after what just happened. But trust me when I tell you, it's so damn complicated."

"Does it have to do with Spencer?"

"Okay, kind of a low-blow. Don't you think?" Jamie walked back towards the bed and sat on the edge where JJ had been. "Do you have a bandage?" Her question came out as if they weren't just about to discuss a somewhat forbidden topic.

JJ slightly rolled her eyes and moved back to her go-bag. She pulled out a small black bag and pulled out a good-sized bandage. It would cover Jamie's scratches for the time being. "Talk to me, Jamie." JJ told her, handing her the bandage. "You can't keep this stuff in."

Jamie opened the clean bandage and placed it on her chest. "I know that." she answered, patting the sticky parts down. "I've learned that the hard way."

"Apparently you haven't learned at all."

"Thanks for helping me." Jamie said. She stood up from the bed and grabbed her bloody shirt from the sink. "I'll let you sleep now." Her feet led her to the door and she paused before opening it. Did she really want to talk about this? JJ was kind enough to help her in a time of need...and she forgave Jamie for getting her shot.

Decisions, decisions.

"JJ?" Jamie asked, turning back around.

JJ stayed silent, waiting for Jamie to finish her question.

"Can we keep this between us? Please?"

JJ scoffed softly and shook her head. "If that's what you want."

"Thank you." Then Jamie opened the door, exiting and closing it softly behind her. She walked back to her room, clutching her shirt. When she opened her door with the key card, her eyes went immediately over to the red-stained bed. She closed her own door quietly and went to the bed. She grabbed the fluffy comforter, which had the most blood on it, and threw it on the ground. The sheet underneath had spots, but not enough for her to care about sleeping by the blood. Her eyes caught the time on the clock. It was two-fifty-three. There was still time to sleep. Jamie got into the opposite side of the bed, not wanting to sleep in the same spot as before.

Sighing contently, she wished for a peaceful sleep. Her chest ached, and her mind was busy. Yet, she snuggled into her bed like nothing had just happened.


By eight A.M., the team was back at the police station. They were debriefing on the information they had collected yesterday. Jamie looked around the room at the team. With only a short period of rest, they were back at what they did best. Coffee felt like a lifeline as she watched JJ stifle a yawn and work the victimology. They'd only exchanged a "hello" and "good morning" when they left the hotel. As far as Jamie was concerned, JJ was able to keep a secret.

Jamie's attention shifted to Spencer who was also clutching a cup of coffee. His attention was focused on case files and she was pretty sure he drank three cups of coffee already. Morgan and Rossi were in deep conversation regarding the relevant locations in the victim's lives. Jamie laughed to herself. She knew they all had a long day ahead of them.

"Agents, bad news." It was Detective Grady with Hotch by his side. "About an hour ago we got a call from two fellas strolling down the edge of the river. They came across a body."

"Taylor Schillings?" JJ piped up. She was feeling just as nervous as the rest of the team.

"It's not Schillings." Hotch confirmed. "I've asked Garcia to see if there are any missing person reports matching the description from the past month. She'll send us the information soon." He looked around at his team. Some confused faces and some seeming defeated. "In the meantime, I want Rossi and Morgan with me and Grady out at the scene. JJ, I want you to head out and talk to Taylor's family again. Carter and Reid, stay here and wait for Garcia's call. Add the information to the victimology and geographical profile."

The team broke and went their separate ways. Jamie and Spencer stayed seated on the opposite sides of the table. The room was silent aside from the sound of a paper flipping every now and again. Sure, Jamie and Spencer were both working but working often requires communication. Jamie looked up from the papers in front of her. She observed Spencer pouring an unhealthy amount of sugar into his coffee. "Want some coffee with your sugar?" she joked. At the same time, she hoped it would ease the residual tension from yesterday.

"How original." Spencer responded to her joke. If he had a dollar for every time someone asked him that question, he'd be rich. "Let's just do our work."

"...right." Jamie was partially reluctant to attempt other light-hearted conversation. However, they had been working together for a while and well, there were no plans for that to change. "Can I ask you something?" Jamie wondered. She slowly stood up from her seat and smoothed down her black blazer. Her eyes stayed on Spencer, but he wouldn't know since he didn't care to make eye contact with her. Walking over to the coffee to pour herself a cup, she waited for an answer. Even through the process of getting a cup of coffee she didn't truly want, Jamie couldn't stand the silence. She scoffed as she stirred in some sugar. "I'll take that as a 'no'."

Spencer met her eyes now as she was standing in the back, sipping her coffee. "Did you actually want something? Or is this your attempt to make up for your mistake?"

Taken aback, Jamie set her cup down and crossed her arms. Some might say that's a defense tactic but truthfully, she had a hard time believing what she had just heard. "What did you just say?" Her face was stern as she walked to the same side of the room as Spencer. "If you have something to say then say it. Now's your chance."

Spencer sighed and stopped the work he was doing. He was annoyed and had no problem letting it be known. "Every time we get stuck doing victimology or geographical work, you use the time to get out your feelings and use me like some kind of therapist. I'm going to tell you this time that I'm not doing it."

Jamie stayed silent. In a way, she was surprised at the words coming from his mouth.

"I know you've been through a lot since starting this job and us working together doesn't help much. But what you did was so irresponsible, and you got someone else hurt." Spencer went on, taking a breath as he was speaking to her. He never faulted his eye contact. "Frankly, I don't even think you should be here right now."

"I deserve that." Jamie thought. If anything, she wasn't going to let Spencer see that hit where it hurt. She innocently shrugged her shoulders. Her face wasn't angry and it his words didn't seem to offend her that time around. "I just wanted to ask you how you're doing." She walked to her seat, sitting down and collecting her scattered papers into a pile. The sound of paper hitting the table was the only noise in the room until she stopped. Thinking for a second, Jamie took one last look at Spencer. "I have some things to say to you, too. You're right though, now's not the time." It wasn't in her nature to back down so easily. Maybe she was finally learning how to pick and choose her battles. Only time would tell.

If the call had come a few minutes sooner, they would've been saved by the bell. Even with the upset minds in the room, the two agents shared a look when the phone rang. Both Jamie and Spencer gathered around the phone to listen to it on speaker.

"What'd you get, Penelope?" Jamie asked.

"Cutting right to the chase, the victim that was just found is thirty-nine-year-old Michelle Anderson. She was a pediatrician at the local hospital and she had been missing for two days."

"Two days?" Spencer questioned. He was just as confused as Jamie.

"If Michelle had gone missing only two days ago, that means the unsub had her and Taylor at the same time."

"Which means he's evolving even more quickly than we thought."

"What does that mean for Taylor?" Garcia asked.

Jamie shook her head to herself before answering. "She might not even be alive."


The team was exhausted. They had been in Kansas about two days, but it felt like a week. Everyone had completed their given assignments and JJ had given a press conference to inform the public. Detective Grady was breathing down their necks asking for an update. Every time he asked, it was almost always the same. The team was confident in their profile, which they were getting ready to deliver to the department.

When everyone was gathered in the work room, Hotch began the profile. "My team and I know everyone is working very hard to find this unsub. We've narrowed it down to a profile with information we've gathered since we left Virginia. We believe that we're looking for a white male between the ages of thirty and fort-five. He's a sadist and likes to see his victims in pain. This could explain the wounds and blunt force trauma."

"He is or was likely married to a women in a high-power position. The relationship ended for whatever reason and because of that, she left him which set him off. He's now kidnapping and killing these women to get back at one specific woman." Morgan added.

"And these are facts?" someone called out from the crowd of officers.

"No," Rossi answered, "this is a profile of characteristics and behavior that can ultimately lead us to this individual. The age factor, the positions these women carried, and the fact they were all killed the same way indicates specific behavior."

Jamie was next to speak. "This unsub has probably lived in this area most of his life and can easily go unnoticed by others. He carries himself high, seems like an all-around decent guy and is probably moderately handsome."

"He targets brunette women between the ages of thirty and forty-five. They all hold some sort of authority in their field." JJ finished.

"That's all we have for now," Hotch informed, "but we will continue to do our parts as I trust you will do yours."

The crowd disbursed, and the team was left surrounded by their own handy work. A few looked at the bored, wondering where they could pick out some clues. The others sat back at the table. Their tired eyes searching through files and piles of papers for anything they could use. It was late and the vibe in the room was unpleasant.

Hotch scanned the room, observing his team. "Anyone who wants to call it a night, take this chance." He left the opportunity open, assuming at least a couple of his agents would jump at the chance for some rest.

"I'm staying." JJ voiced, looking at her colleagues.

"Me, too." Jamie repeated.

Three more of the same response was repeated. Hotch felt proud of his team, sitting next to Rossi to continue working.


March in Kansas is no picnic. All she wanted was some fresh air. The stale smell and warm air inside the precinct had been making her nauseous. At three in the morning, she wasn't very optimistic for a lightbulb to go off. The cold hit her hard, feeling sharp when it sat over her skin. Her breath was coming out in large clouds. Her tired eyes wanting to sleep, but she felt it wasn't an option. Rossi, Morgan, and JJ had decided to take a power nap. She was sure it would last more than a fifteen-minute break. She inhaled a cold stream of winter air and sighed. Leaning back against the wall outside the door was peaceful. There hadn't been a chance for a moment alone yet. Then again, being alone made her think about how her life was too damn messy. She had bridges to burn, apologies to make, and a murder to solve. Lately, there were a lot of disappointments in her life and pain that seemed to grow stronger every day.

Jamie knew she needed to find a balance. She had to work hard but not let work dictate her life. Love was something she forbid herself to think of at crucial times like this. She also started to accept the fact that she needed professional help. The skeletons in her closet were so dark and seemed to keep multiplying. Her mind should've upgraded to a double-wide. Even is a situation wasn't directly her fault, she harbored some guilt. Somewhere in the gist of things, she knew she played a role. She kept a lot of worry in her body for situations she couldn't control. It was a bad habit that needed to be kicked. There would be even more guilt if she didn't find the person that was murdering those women.

Jamie shook herself out of her daze. She had work to do. Clearing her throat, she made her way back inside the precinct. Exchanging drained smiles with a few officers still in the building, she walked to her seat in the work room. She wasn't sure where to begin, or if there was even a place to begin that they hadn't looked over a hundred times. She glanced at Hotch who seemed to be reading some of the department's files.

"Everything okay, Carter?" he wondered.

No, everything was not okay. "Just stepped out for some fresh air."

Even with a case in the works and as broken as she felt, Jamie knew there was something to be said for how she'd kept going. It was hard keeping it together, but all the same, she kept moving. Healing in a world that was full of trauma wasn't ideal. All she thought for the night was that she had to keep it together. She had to keep it together for herself and the women who needed justice. They had a long day ahead of them.


8:23 A.M.

It was eight in the morning the next day. The team and Detective Grady had been stuck in the same spot as the days prior. Not all cases were easy, but not all were this frustrating. Earlier that morning, JJ had been the one to give the reporters a run-down on their findings. After a thousand questions and dozens of microphones shoved in her face, JJ came back into the building even more upset than before. Hotch was grumpy, Rossi seemed annoyed, and the others had been down each other's throats for hours. The team had endured times like this, but for some reason this case was working them dead.

Everyone swore to themselves that they had gone through every nook and cranny of the case. Either there was something they were weren't getting, or exhaustion had gotten the better of them. No amount of coffee or Red Bulls seemed to make them work faster or harder. People didn't agree on certain parts of the geographical profiles or didn't see the logic in the victimology.

Some of the team started to lose hope.

1:30 P.M.

Lunch time rolled around and Jamie jumped at the chance to ask anyone if they wanted food or coffee. Everyone agreed and Morgan asked to tag along. Jamie was hesitant but said yes. The duo walked out of the precinct with their coats in hand. With small talk as their third wheel, they drove down to a charming café down the road from the station. They ordered an array of foods and drinks, but not forgetting the coffee. The ride back was silent. When they brought the food to the team, Jamie hoped the tension would subside.

7:45 P.M.

Exhaustion came in many forms. Sly tears of defeat, micro-sleeping, noticeable irritability. The room had gone silent hours earlier. You could probably hear a pin drop. When someone's phone rang unexpectedly, all six agents jumped at the sound. They looked around, searching for the person to blame for the blaring of an annoying ringtone.

Morgan dug out his phone from the pocket of his jeans. When he noticed it was Garcia, he put it on speaker for everyone to hear. "Garcia, you're on speaker."

"How is my favorite team doing?" she asked, happily.

Hotch stood from his seat, leaning over the table closer to the phone. "What do you have for us, Garcia?"

"Oh," Garcia reacted, not expecting such stern and hostile vibes radiating through the phone. "Well, after long hours of searching, I think I finally found some possibilities for your unsub. First up, Blake Denning, whose wife of ten years recently left him for her boss about four months ago. Second, John Campbell, whose wife passed away six months ago. Third, Harley Louis, had a sister who died three months ago. All victims fit the victim type and all three men fit your profile."

"Good, Garcia." Hotch praised, feeling bad about ignoring her question earlier. "I'm sure it'll get us somewhere. Thank you."

"I've sent information about each suspect to your tablets. Be safe, you guys." The call ended and the team seemed more eager than they had in days. Their attention was put on Hotch. He was ready to give orders.

"I want Rossi and Reid going to the home of Blake Denning, Carter and Morgan to John Campbells' residence, and JJ and I will go to Harley Louis' home. Interview neighbors and anyone else in the surrounding area that seems relevant."

The team was quick to be on their feet, grabbing their coats for the cold nighttime air and heading out the door promptly.

8:21 P.M.

The address to John Campbell's residence had shown a twenty-two-minute drive on the GPS. Instead, it turned into a forty-five-minute adventure which included a stop for coffee and a wrong turn into a different neighborhood. Despite all the mishaps and unnecessary stops, the two didn't argue or banter. In the past couple of days, the team hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. Which left everyone willing to go with the flow.

Eventually, they found their way into Campbell's neighborhood. It wasn't the nicest part of town and Jamie was grateful to have a gun strapped to her waist. The streetlights flickered and some of the homes looked to be abandoned. The place that belonged to Campbell was in nicer shape than most of the homes on the street, but still has many identifiable flaws. Jamie and Morgan got out of their car, careful to not close the doors too loudly. Instead of going straight to Campbell's place, they went to the neighbor on the right side of him. Morgan knocked on the door, hoping the owner would be present. A light came on outside, shining on them both. It gave Jamie a headache. Someone could be heard on the inside saying they were coming to the door. A middle-aged woman answered the door, looking annoyed at the agents. "What?" She was dressed in a black robe and had her hair wrapped up in a towel.

Jamie and Morgan both pulled out their identification, flashing it to the women. "Sorry to bother you ma'am-"Jamie began, but was cut off.

"Don't call me ma'am. You can call me Marge."

Jamie flashed Derek a look, continuing her spiel. "Okay, Marge. We were wondering if you could answer a few questions about your neighbor John Campbell for us."

Marge furrowed her eyebrows and stepped back inside far enough to let the two agents in. "Is he in trouble?" she wondered, closing the door behind the three of them. "I always thought he was a good fellow."

"So, you do know him?" Morgan questioned.

"Not really," Marge said, gesturing for Jamie and Derek to take a seat, "he tends to stop by every now and again to check on his place. Losing his wife really messed him up." Marge made herself comfortable on her couch. "He used to come over and mow my lawn, but now I have to find someone else to do it."

"What was his wife like? Her personality, her mood, her appearance."

"Can't give ya' much detail. I only met her once or twice. Real quiet type but held a decent job. I know she wanted to be a big-shot doctor or something. They were just trying to make it here before they stepped out into something bigger. I heard she died in a car accident, but I don't know. Like I said, didn't know much about them."

"Are you sure it was a car accident?" Jamie questioned, seeming unsure of what she was hearing.

Marge looked insulted, "Look lady, I'm answering your questions like you wanted. I'm just telling you what I heard. So, are you here to get help or insult my competence?"

With that, Morgan stood up and Jamie followed suit. "No more questions ma'am. We thank you for your time. Have a good night."

Jamie led the way out of the house with Morgan right behind her. They got into their vehicle and sat in silence for a minute. "Car crash?" Jamie asked out loud. "There was nothing in our research that indicated such a thing."

Morgan shrugged while keeping his eyes searching through the windows. "Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if it flew over our heads. But what about the fact that she wanted to be a doctor?"

Jamie thought, "Maybe he was threatened that she wanted to leave? I mean, look at this place. I don't blame her."

Morgan silently agreed and called Hotch on his phone. "Hotch, Carter and I might have something."


Thanks for reading and please remember to review, I would really appreciate it.