Chapter eighteen:

HYDE

As I stirred from sleep I felt cold. Jackie's not here. I sigh and sit up, rubbing my eyes. I take a quick glance around her sparse room, and I notice that the picture she keeps on her nightstand is gone.

I look at my watch, it's 6 AM, it's too early, where's Jackie?

Jackie's not okay, not okay at all, and I'm so fucking worried about her. I stand up and head into the living room.

She's sitting on the couch, still wearing my Led Zeppelin shirt and the sweatpants, she's looking at a picture of her and her father. The one she keeps on her nightstand. She looks exhausted, she must be up for a while and I curse myself for not waking up with her. I don't want her alone when she's fragile like this.

I sat next to her on the couch, placing my arm around her shoulders, she settled herself in my embrace and I kissed her forehead.

"How long have you been up?" I ask, running my hands through her hair

"Since 3, I think" She answered nonchalantly, still looking at the picture in her hands

"Why didn't you wake me, doll?"

She looked at me and I noticed how red and swollen her eyes are, and the dark circles surrounding them. She's been crying.

"I didn't wanted to worry you" She answered, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together

I sigh and ask "How are you feeling?"

"Like a part of me just died" She answered with such honesty that I felt the back of my eyes burning.

She looks empty, hollow. Her voice sounds distant. Everything is so fucked up and wrong. I feel like shit because there's nothing I can do to make her feel better.

"I love you" I say, holding her closer. I can't make any promises that things are going to be better, I can't take her pain away, but I can tell her the truth. That I love her, and I won't leave her side.

"I love you too" She answers. I was hoping to see a small smile on her face, but I can't see anything other than pain.

She placed her hand in my cheek and guided my face to hers, pressing her soft lips against mine tenderly.

"Sorry I acted all crazy last night" She says, her eyes welling with tears "It was just… too much"

"I know doll, I know" I run my thumb against her cheek, wiping the tears that are falling. She closed her eyes, and she looked so tired, defeated, seeing her like this... it's torture.

I hold her closer and run my hands through her hair again. It's all I can do for now, and I just hope it makes her feel better, even if it's just a bit.

I can feel the dampness in my shirt, and I stay with her, letting her cry on my chest for as long as she needs, just running my fingers through her hair and whispering comforting words in her ear.

After a while she stopped crying, she was still in my arms, but she's too quiet. We need to get back to Point Place soon, the Formans are waiting for us and Jackie's mom will arrive this afternoon to deal with the funeral preparations.

"Doll, I'm going to make you some breakfast" I say, concerned. She needs to eat, but honestly I don't think she'll be able to, not now.

"Not hungry" She mumbles

"You still have to eat, please Jackie" I ask, remembering one of the most terrifying days of my life.

We were making out, she was sitting in the Forman's freezer and I was standing between her legs, it happened in the summer we started to hook up. We were about to reach second base for the first time when she asked me to stop. So I did, and I asked her to sit with me and watch some TV. When she stood up she passed out on my arms. I saw her face getting paler and paler and I saw how she was trying to steady herself in the freezer, I was able to grab her before she fell onto the floor.

It was the scariest moment of my life, I panicked and took her to Mrs. Forman, I stayed with her until she woke up. When she did, I asked what the hell happened and she told me she skipped breakfast. I was pissed, and I yelled at her, and instead of crying or being mad at me, she smiled softly and said it would never happen again.

And it didn't. But I also always made sure she was eating properly and not skipping any meals.

I don't want to risk seeing her pass out again because she skipped breakfast. I get that this is definitely an unusual circumstance, but I won't cave on this, it's her fucking health I'm talking about.

"Honestly, I don't think I'll be able to hold it in" She answered me and I sighed

"Just a yogurt or something, please doll, for me?" I ask her again, running my thumbs against her cheeks

She nodded and I breathed relieved. I was worried she was going to put up a fight or something.

I place a chaste kiss on her forehead before moving to the kitchen. She didn't follow me, she just started to stare at the picture again. I sigh, taking a yogurt container from the fridge and a spoon.

I went back to the living room and handed it to her. She took her eyes off the picture and thanked me. I try to sit next to her, but she's staring at me.

"What is it, doll?" I ask

"You should go eat something, I know how grumpy you get when you don't have a proper breakfast" She said

"I don't want to leave you alone" I answer her honestly

"I'll literally be in the room next to you, Steven. I promise that if I need anything I'll tell you, okay?" She says tenderly

Fuck. I don't know how she manages to do that. She's living her worst nightmare, yet, she's still concerned about me.

"Fine, but I'll leave the door open" I say, and she nods, resting her head on the back of the couch. She looks exhausted "You should try and take a nap, doll. We're heading to Point Place in a couple hours, I'll wake you when it's time"

"I can't sleep" She muttered, opening the yogurt and focusing her gaze on the lid, avoiding my eyes

I can see a lonely tear falling through her cheek. I raise my hand and I wipe it off with my thumb, she leans her face on my hand and my heart starts to beat frantically in my chest. I just want to put her in my pocket and protect her from all the shit that's going on, I know this is only the beginning and just the thought of her going through more pain… it's unbearable.

I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. I've never dealt with grief before. Well, I helped Forman when his gramma died, then again when his grandpa died. But it was relatively easy, I think that when Bernice died he was more disturbed about the thought of killing her than her actual death, after a couple days and a few circles he was fine again.

Same thing happened when Burt died. Forman was bummed for a few days, I haven't actually helped him because I was too busy depressed over the "get off my boyfriend" incident, but from what I could tell, he was sad, then he got better in a couple days.

I don't think that's going to be the case with Jackie.

Her father was all the family she had left. All the family that she cared about, at least. Her grandma Beulah died when she was 6, her grandpa died the day after his wife did. She mentioned something about how her father had a brother that died a few weeks before she was born. And she never even met her mother's parents.

I have a feeling that Pam will not help Jackie with this whole thing. Jackie never told me much about her relationship with her mother, except for the part where she ditched her. But I've been picking up on some small details in some conversations and I know there's more to that, I know that Jackie's issues with Pam are not only regarding her abandonment, I came to that conclusion a while ago and decided not to ask her about it. She would tell me when she's ready.

"Why don't you finish your yogurt and take a shower instead?" I suggest "Take your time, and as soon as you're ready I'm driving you home"

"Okay" She nods, and kisses my cheek softly

In no time, she finished her "meal" and headed to the bathroom. I go to the kitchen, wondering if I should wake Donna or not. I really want to get to Point Place as soon as possible, maybe Jackie will be able to rest a little on the road.

I pour myself some cereal and milk, and I just stare at the wall, thinking about how everything changed so drastically in the last 24 hours.

Fuck. This is not fair.

"Morning" I hear Donna's voice and I see her standing in the doorway, rubbing her eyes

"Hey" I greet her and start to eat my cereal

"How is she?" Donna asks, the concern evident in her voice

"She's talking today" I say, sadly "But she's far from okay, I don't know what the hell am I supposed to do…"

"I figured, this sucks" She says, grabbing a bowl from the cabinet near the sink "Just don't listen to Eric if he tells you to give her some space"

"I'm not leaving her side" I admit "She's taking a shower, she didn't slept well"

"When are we leaving?" She asks

"As soon as possible" I answer

"I'm just going to eat and get ready, I packed my things after you two went to bed last night" She says "Mrs. Forman is stress baking, and Eric says my dad won't stop crying"

"I figured as much" I say, finishing my cereal and heading to the sink. "What time did you say Bob was picking Pam at the airport?"

"Sometime after lunch I think" She answered "Dad mentioned that Pam's already handling the funeral's preparations"

"Good" I answer

"By the way, I forgot to tell you, Mrs. Forman called WB yesterday and you don't have to worry about work for a while" She mentions casually

Huh. I completely forgot about work. Good to know that Mrs. Forman thought ahead and called WB for me. There was no way in hell I would've remembered that yesterday.

"You said you called Jackie's boss yesterday?" I ask

"Yeah, she said Jackie can have a week off to deal with everything" She sighed "Her boss seems really cool, but a week… Is that enough?" She asks

"No" I answer promptly "That's something we're going to have to deal with later"

"Yeah, we should probably focus more on Pam and the funeral" She mumbled, looking frustrated

"Donna" I say, looking her straight in the eye "What's the deal with Jackie's mom?"

"Look Hyde" She sighed, pouring herself some cereal "Try not to leave Jackie alone with Pam, it would only make things worse for her"

I frown, yeah, there's definitely something about Pam that I don't know about "Why?" I ask

"She's just… she's not a good mother, okay?" She says dejectedly "That woman is a heartless bitch"

I sigh "Donna, what aren't you telling me?"

"I can't tell you. Jackie will tell you once she's ready" She says

Crap. I get that. It's like I said before, I could tell there's more to Pam than what Jackie tells me, but I won't force her to talk about it. There's some stuff about Bud and Edna that I haven't told Jackie about either. Heavy stuff. She'll tell me when she's ready, I know she will.

"Fine" I say, starting to wash the dirty dishes in the sink. As soon as Jackie leaves the bathroom we're heading to Point Place, I don't know if she's spending the week there with us, but I won't take my chances and leave dirty dishes rotting in the sink during the time we're there. Jackie may be sad, but if she sees a cockroach in her apartment she would die.

"And Hyde" Donna calls me apprehensively "Make sure to watch Jackie's eating"

I look confused at her, does she know about Jackie's episode from that summer? Did it happen again? She said she wouldn't skip meals anymore!

"Why?" I ask, looking suspiciously at her, she knows something.

She sighs and runs her hands through her blonde hair "She tends to skip meals whenever she's too stressed" She justifies, I'm not buying it, so I just raise an eyebrow at her

"Seriously?"

"It's not my story to tell, Hyde" She says sadly "Just make sure she's eating, especially after Pam arrives"

I sigh dejectedly and nod "Alright"

"Thank you" She says before leaving me in the kitchen alone, with a thousand thoughts on my mind.

This is all so fucked up, and the fact that I know everything is about to get worse makes me sick.


I take a quick glance at her, she's leaning her head on Donna's shoulders and Donna is running her fingers through her hair. Jackie is staring at the road, her face is clean of makeup and she still looks exhausted.

She's sitting between me and Donna, and we're almost in Point Place. My hand drifts from the gearshift to her thigh whenever it's possible, but she looks completely lost in her own thoughts.

Donna looks completely agonized, every now and then she looks at Jackie and her eyes fill up with tears. She doesn't know what to do, and to be honest, neither do I.

We've been on the road for almost two hours, and Jackie hasn't said anything yet. She answers our questions with either a nod or a head shake, but she's not saying anything. Which sucks, I thought she was doing better, she talked to me this morning. Maybe it's because Donna is here?

I don't think so. From what I've seen, Jackie trusts Donna with her life. I'm pretty sure if she's going to talk to someone, she's talking to Donna.

We just passed the town's welcome sign, which means we are arriving at the Formans in less than 10 minutes.

I don't know what will happen once we arrive at the Formans. There's probably going to be a lot of people waiting for Jackie and I'm not sure that's going to be a good thing. They're going to smother her, and I know my chick, she will feel suffocated and she'll probably think they're pitying her. She hates being pitied.

I feel her pulling on my arm, and I grab her hand, lacing our fingers together. I squeeze it lightly, a subtle way to let her know that I'm here and I won't leave anytime soon. I think she got the message, because she squeezed my hand back.

I parked the Camino at the Formans driveway, and I was right, the minute I stopped the car, the sliding door opened and Mrs. Forman came running to us. Forman, Red, Bob and Fez were behind her.

The minute we stepped out of the car, Mrs. Forman pulled Jackie from me and engulfed her in a bear hug, and Bob started to cry on Donna's shoulder. I sigh, this is the start of a very long day.

I see Jackie's not looking very comfortable right now, so I gently pulled her away from Mrs. Forman, in hopes of giving her some room to breathe. Well, that didn't work out, because the second she left Mrs. Forman's arms, Fez pulled Jackie to a tight embrace.

After a few awkward hugs and lots of "Sorry for your loss", I was finally able to retrieve Jackie. She breathed relieved when I wrapped my arm around her waist and she rested her head on my shoulder.

"So, Jackie, I'll go to the airport to pick up your mother in about an hour, want to tag along?" Bob asked, wiping his eyes

"No thanks" She answered "Actually, I could really use a nap right now"

"You can go up to my room" Donna offered and Jackie nodded, taking my hand and guiding us to Donna's house.

"Shouldn't we bring your bags?" I ask her while we go up the stairs

"We can do that later" She says, opening the door to Donna's room and sitting on the bed

"You're really going to take a nap?" I ask suspiciously, she looks tired, but at the same time she doesn't look sleepy at all

"No" She sighed "I just needed some time away from everyone"

"Come here" I say, extending my arms to her. She quickly got up and buried her head in my chest. I squeezed her tight, and leaned my chin on top of her head. After a few minutes I decide to break the comfortable silence "You should try and get some sleep Jackie"

"I can't" She said, her voice is trembling "Every time I close my eyes, I…" She takes a deep breath and looks up to me, a few tears were leaving her eyes "I just can't, Steven"

I sigh, I get it. So I pressed a chaste kiss on her lips and we sat on Donna's bed.

I'm leaning my back on the bed's headboard and she's sitting between my legs, resting her head on my chest. One of my hands is stroking her hair, the other one is laced with hers.

Every time I look at her my heart breaks a little. She has no light on her eyes, and the look on her face… pure hopelessness. It's killing me. Jackie was always such a cheerful person. Don't get me wrong, I've seen her sad before, like when her father first went to prison and when her mother abandoned her for the first time, but I've never seen her like this. And I don't know what the hell am I supposed to do.

She turned her head lightly to the side and started to kiss my neck. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation.

Before I knew it, she was straddling me, her hands were buried in my hair and her teeth were grazing my earlobe. I couldn't help it, I pulled her closer and glued our lips together.

She didn't waste any time and deepened the kiss. I feel one of her hands leaving my hair and soon after that I feel her lightly running her manicured fingernails through my chest, making me ache with lust.

She bit on my lower lip and went back to my neck, sucking, kissing, nipping at the flesh and sending shivers down my spine. She's definitely leaving a mark. Then I felt her tiny hand reaching to my belt buckle, and reality hit me hard.

This is wrong, she's too vulnerable, her father died and we just got back together, we can't have sex right now. But I can't stop myself from tasting her lips, from grazing her teeth with my tongue, from running my hands down her back.

She unbuckled my belt and I pulled apart from her, putting some distance between us.

"Steven?" She asks, confused. She tried to approach me and pull me in for another kiss, but I dodged her and she now she looks devastated

"You don't want me?" She asks, her voice is breaking and fuck!

I take a deep breath and I reach for her hand, she doesn't pull away "Of course I want you doll, I would be crazy not to. But I'm trying here, I know that deep down you don't want this, not like this"

A few tears escape her eyes and I wipe them off with my thumb before continuing "We talked this weekend and we agreed that we should wait, remember? It was your idea"

"What if I changed my mind?" She says, her voice is barely a whisper

"I know you didn't, doll. Now it's not the time, not with… everything that's been going on. When the time is right we'll know it, okay? And I want to make it special for you" I say, cupping her face in my hands and pressing a quick kiss on her lips.

She didn't vocalize an answer, she just nodded and laid her head on my lap. Instantaneously, my hands went back to her hair and I felt her relaxing under my touch.

"Sorry for jumping into you like that" She said after a few minutes

"If we were in a different situation I would've appreciated it very much" I say, grinning at the very small shadow of a smile she gave me "You doing okay?" I ask, concerned.

"No" She answers me honestly "I can't stand everyone looking at me like they pity me, it feels awful"

"I get how that feels" I say, referring to my entire childhood "They care about you, doll"

She blinked a few times, trying to avoid more tears "I know they do, but… I don't know, it's weird"

"You can tell me" I say and she sighed

"I don't think I processed the fact that my father is dead" She says, looking thoughtful "Like, I know he's dead, and it hurts so much, but at the same time I feel like it can't be real. Just… It doesn't feel right"

I take a mental note of that. I don't know what I'm supposed to tell her but I also don't want her to close up on me because I can't say the right thing at the right time, so I start to softly run my fingers across her face, tracing the shape of her lips, her nose. Until I can see her closing her eyes and snuggling closer to me.

We stay like this for a while, and I just keep caressing her, praying that she'd fall asleep.

"I don't want to see my mother" She confessed suddenly

"Why?" I ask

"She makes me feel bad, and I'm already fucked up as it is" She says dejectedly

"Don't say that" I reprehend her "And about Pam… would it make you feel better if I don't let you two alone?" I suggest, remembering Donna's words from earlier

"Will you be with me all the time?" She asks

"Yeah, if you want me to" I answer

"That would be really nice"

"Then it's settled" I say, bending down to kiss her forehead

I hear some sniffling and look down at her, she's crying softly, and I feel like someone just stabbed me. She wiped her face with the back of her hands and she looked at me "Everything's about to get worse, isn't it?" She asks me, and fuck, she sounds so fragile and broken.

I can't lie to her. I know I can't and I know she expects the truth from me all the time. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though.

"Probably" I answer her honestly and tears started to escape her beautiful eyes again "But you're not alone in this"

"Thank you, for everything" She says "I don't know what I would do without you and Donna"

I smile at her and start to stroke her hair again, she relaxes and closes her eyes.

"You sure you're not sleepy?" I ask "Because you should rest baby, you barely slept last night"

"I'm tired but somehow I can't sleep, don't ask me why" She answers

"Want to just chill here till Bob arrives with your mom?"

"Sure, pudding"


A/N: Short chapter, I know. And I don't really like this one. For the first time in a really long time, I've struggled with writer's block, this chapter took me almost three entire weeks to write! The only reason I was still updating is because I had already written the chapters before. I hate publishing a chapter if I don't have at least the two following ones written already.

Now, my writer's block was temporary, and I'm already finishing chapter 19. But (pls don't kill me) I don't think I'll be able to post it next week. I'll try, but I can't make any promises. I guarantee you that if I don't post next week, I'll post on the following one. This story is not going to be abandoned. Seriously.

I have decided to read my story again since chapter one, and I've found a ton of tiny mistakes that bothered me a lot, so I will be spending the entire week trying to correct most of them, and maybe adding a few things.

The next chapter will be entirely narrated by Donna. I feel like seeing her perspective is just as important as seeing Hyde's during those difficult times. And Pam is finally making her first appearance next chapter, so if anyone is triggered by child abuse and mentions of past eating disorders, be warned.

I plan on giving you an insight of Jackie's mind soon, and if you're triggered by depressive thoughts, or anything related to depression in general, I feel like I should warn you as well.

Please let me know how you're feeling about this story, and if there's anything you think I can improve!