Trigger warning: this chapter contains mentions of child abuse and past eating disorders.
Chapter nineteen:
DONNA
Jackie just dragged Hyde inside of my house and now we're all standing in the driveway, unsure of what to do.
She is not okay, everyone here noticed that. She looks tired and extremely sad. Her usual cheerfulness is definitely gone, along with the light in her eyes.
Eric wraps his arm around my waist and I lean my head on his shoulder, letting a few tears fall.
"Are you sure leaving them alone is a good idea?" Eric asked us
"Jackie is too devastated to do what you're thinking, Eric" I answer
"Steven is her rock, she needs him right now, so we'll not interfere on that" Red says sternly "Anything this girl wants, you'll give it to her, am I clear?"
We all nod in agreement. I can only assume that Jackie's going to lean a lot on Hyde for now. So much that I'm concerned about what'll happen when she has to go back to Chicago without him.
"I'll… I'll go make some brownies" Mrs. Forman said, wiping her eyes "Eric, honey, what time did you say Michael was going to be here?"
"Soon" He answered
"Dad" I say "When you arrive with Pam, can we like… all be there when she talks to Jackie?"
"That's up to Jackie, pumpkin." He answered
"She's not going to mind" I say, thinking about all the awful things Jackie told me about her mom
"Okay hun, I'll do what I can" He says
"Okay kids… why don't you all go to the basement and wait for Michael there?" Mrs. Forman suggested and Eric, Fez and I headed to the basement
"My goddess looked crushed" Fez says sadly, sitting in the lawn chair
"Yeah… I think this is the first time I've ever seen her without any makeup on" Eric comments and I slap his arm
"Of course she's crushed!" I say "Her father was murdered in prison with a fucking toothbrush!"
"Yeah…" Eric says "She's going to be fine though, right?"
The concern is evident in his tone, Eric and Jackie were always sort of frenemies, but I know that they care about each other deeply.
"I don't know" I say, trying to control myself so I wouldn't cry again "She's been through too much already, all I know is that she's going to need us a lot right now"
"And how can we help her?" Fez asked
"By being there for her" I explain
"Man, this whole thing sucks" Eric complains "It feels like… I don't know man, Jackie looked really happy this weekend with Hyde, it's like the universe keeps throwing bombs at her"
I nod. I thought about this a lot, about how unfair this whole situation is, how she doesn't deserve any of this, how she was happy.
"What about Hyde? He's going to be worried about her all the time now" Fez says
"He won't be the only one" I noted, Fez and Eric nodded. We all care about Jackie, and seeing her like this is hurting all of us.
What an uncomfortable situation, seriously. I get up and turn the TV on, we might as well watch it while we wait for Kelso.
After a few minutes, we hear someone coming down the stairs. It's Kelso. But he's not giving us his signature grin, he looks sad, like all of us.
"Hey" He greeted us, sitting in Hyde's chair "How is she?"
"Not good" Eric answered "Hyde's going to kill you if he sees you sitting there"
"Yeah, I don't think he would care much about that now" I observe
"Where is Hyde? And Jackie?" Kelso asks
"They're at Donna's. Jackie said she wanted to take a nap before her beautiful mother comes" Fez answered, and I almost puked at how he referred to Jackie's mom. I couldn't repress a scowl, I really hate that woman.
Eric notices it right away "What's wrong?" He asks
"I just…" I mutter, trying to control myself to not reveal anything Jackie wouldn't feel comfortable about "Please don't drool all over Pam while she's here. She's not a good person" I glare at all the boys
"Uh…" Eric mumbled "Okay"
"Where's Brooke and Betsy?" Fez asks Kelso
"Oh, they're at my parents" He answered "I'll bring them to the funeral, whenever it is"
"It'll probably be tomorrow, my dad said that Pam already made a few calls to sort things" I explain
And then we fell into silence again. Each one of us lost in our own thoughts.
"Donna, honey?" Kitty calls me, coming down the stairs and entering the basement
"Yeah?" I answer, lifting my head off Eric's shoulder
"Your father just arrived with Pam, they're at the living room right now. I think you should go get Jackie and Steven" She says, and I nod
I turn to the three boys and glare at each one of them "Seriously, no drooling over Pam, I won't hesitate on killing you guys" I warn them before heading to my house
I don't think even Kelso or Fez are going to be stupid enough to feed Pam's ego this time. In fact, they're kind of gloomy. It's like they don't care if Pam's here or not. And honestly, thank God for that.
I go into my room and when I open the door I see one of the sweetest things ever. I already know that Hyde is a softie to Jackie. Yesterday, before I went to bed, I decided to go check on Jackie one last time before calling the night, and I saw Jackie and Hyde all curled up in her bed. He was holding her like a child holds a teddy bear.
Right now she's laying on his lap, and he's smiling softly at her, playing with her hair. She has her eyes closed, her hands are playing with her new necklace, and I can see her talking to him. It seems like they're having a private conversation, and I swear I can see a very tiny shadow of a smile in her lips. Mr. Forman is right, Hyde is her rock.
I hate to interrupt such a sweet moment, but Pam's here and Jackie needs to talk to her.
"Hey" I announce myself, and they look at me "Pam's here" I say
Jackie sat up and Hyde grabbed her hand, giving her an encouraging nod. We all walked back to the Formans, everyone is probably waiting in the living room for us. I stopped in the driveway and looked at Jackie.
"You sure you want to do this now?" I ask Jackie "I can go in and tell everyone you're sleeping, they won't mind"
She tried to smile at me, I know she's grateful she's not doing this alone. But her smile doesn't reach her eyes, it's a sad smile and that feels like a punch in the gut "Might as well get this over with, but thank you"
We enter the Forman's kitchen and Mrs. Forman is the only one in there. She looks flustered and she's making a huge tray of sandwiches.
She looks up and gives us a weak smile "Hey kids, everyone is in the living room already. I'll just finish here and join you all in a second"
"Thank you, Mrs. Forman" I say, before entering the living room and sitting next to Eric on the piano bench.
I see Jackie hesitating a little, but Hyde squeezed her hand and gave her a meaningful look, and she entered the room with him. Pam was sitting on the couch and sipping on some drink Red probably prepared for her, and the minute she saw Jackie she smiled brightly and went in her direction. She does not look like a woman who recently lost her husband.
"Jackie, darling, it's been so long," She says, snatching Jackie out of Hyde's side and pulling her for a hug. Jackie looks extremely uncomfortable and everyone could tell that "Oh honey, you look so beat up, why don't you have any makeup on?" Pam said, looking at her daughter with an expression similar to disgust, and God, I want to pound her so hard right now. I clench my fists and I feel Eric's hand on my shoulder. I take a deep breath to calm myself, this is not the moment to create a scene.
I can see Hyde tensing up as well. His jaw is clenched and he looks like he's about to burst. My dad, Eric and Red are each staring at Pam incredulously, even Kelso and Fez looked mildly disturbed by her insensitivity.
"Jackie, shouldn't we have this conversation in private?" Her mother says to her, but Jackie shook her head
"No, anything you want to say to me you can say in front of them" Jackie answered, and I smiled at her.
Pam sighed in frustration and sat on the couch. Hyde sat on Red's green chair and immediately pulled Jackie protectively to his lap. Pam gave them a dirty look but Hyde just smirked at her, silently daring her to say something in this room filled with people.
The tension in the room is palpable and everyone looked kind of lost in what to do.
"I have sandwiches!" Mrs. Forman announced, entering the living room and carrying the tray we saw her preparing before.
"Is there any mayo in that?" Pam asks Mrs. Forman, pointing at the sandwiches, and my blood boils.
"Yes" She answers, eyeing Pam suspiciously
"Oh, I can't eat mayo" Pam says "I'm on a diet"
I observe Jackie. She's tensing up, but Hyde pulled her closer to him, which made her relax a little. We all grabbed a sandwich. I, myself, am starving, and Mrs. Forman makes amazing sandwiches.
I notice that Jackie and Pam are the only ones not eating. Before I could say something to Jackie, Hyde gave her his sandwich and took another one out of the tray for himself. He gave Pam a nasty glare before redirecting his full attention back on Jackie, he kissed her temple and wrapped his free arm around her waist. She started to eat after that, ignoring Pam's dirty looks.
Good. I'm literally doing my best to control myself, because there's nothing I would rather do right now than to kick Pam's ass. Eric wraps his arm around my shoulders and I can feel myself relaxing a bit.
Eric's not dumb. I know he can tell that something's definitely going on right now, and he hasn't asked me about it once, respecting mine and Jackie's privacy. But that doesn't stop him from offering whatever form of support he can, those small things he does, like putting his hand on my shoulder, kissing my temple, wrapping his arm around me… those are the only things keeping me together right now.
Mrs. Forman looked around and laughed uncomfortably "Okay, so, where do we start?"
"Oh, yes" Pam says "Jack's body is already at the funeral home, they picked it up from prison this morning"
I look at Jackie and I see her face going paler.
"And the funeral is going to be tomorrow at 9AM in church, after that we will bury him at the town's cemetery and we'll have a reception in the manor, I've invited a lot of important people so dress nicely" Pam finishes, and Jackie looks like she's about to throw up. Hyde pulled her closer to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder, but I can see how angry he is right now. I don't blame him.
"So everything's settled" Red says
Pam ignored his observation and looked at her daughter "I was hoping you'd stay at the manor with me tonight, Jackie. We have some legal documents to work on"
Before Jackie could answer, I intervened "Actually, Jackie already agreed to spend the night at my house today"
"Well, I'm sure that can be rearranged" Pam says, giving me a condescending smile. Again, Eric pulls me closer to him in order to calm me down.
"Actually mom, I want to stay with Donna tonight," Jackie says, playing with Hyde's fingers in order to avoid looking her mother in the eyes
"Jackie, I…" Pam is clearly getting annoyed, but the dirty looks she was receiving from everyone in the room were enough to make her take a deep breath in order to calm herself down "Well…" She starts again, trying to sound sweet "I bet you can stay with me tomorrow, you don't have any plans tomorrow, right?"
"Sure, mom. Tomorrow is fine" Jackie agrees dejectedly, earning a raised eyebrow from Hyde and a confused look from me.
"Well, I guess that's it" Pam says, getting up from the couch and smiling "I will see you all tomorrow in church" Then she approaches Jackie - who's still sitting with Hyde - and says something to her that I can't hear, but judging from Hyde's pissed off look and Jackie's sad expression, it definitely wasn't something good.
My dad stands up and leaves with Pam. He's probably her ride home. Whatever.
Jackie is whispering something in Hyde's ear in order to calm him down, and slowly, I can see the tension leaving his body. Whatever it is that Pam told Jackie right now, it wasn't a good thing. I really hate that woman.
I move to sit on the edge of the couch, closer to them, and Eric follows me. Hyde still looks mad, but not as much as he did before.
"Hey" I say, and they look at me. Jackie tried to smile at me, and again, the smile didn't reach her eyes
"Hey" Hyde says, rubbing Jackie's waist
"Jackie, are you sure you're going to spend the night with your mother tomorrow? You don't have to, you know that" I say, and she looked sadly at me
"Well, I can't keep running away forever, Donna. It's going to be one night, I'll survive" She says, leaning further into Hyde
"Still, Jackie…" I try to argue but she interrupts me
"It's okay, Donna" She says "I'll just give her what she wants and then she'll go away, like she always does"
I sigh, knowing there's no way to change her mind. I kind of get what she's thinking, but Jackie's already pretty fragile right now and Pam is not a very empathetic person. I'm afraid she's going to attack Jackie and cause her to have a breakdown.
I've been expecting a mental breakdown since Hyde told her about her father, but so far… nothing. I mean, yeah, she was catatonic last night because of the shock, but I haven't seen her fully crying once. She just sheds silent tears from time to time. I know this is only the beginning, I know she's going to get worse, I just don't want her to be by herself when she reaches her peak.
I exchange a meaningful look with Hyde. He's definitely thinking the same. I wish there's more I could do.
"Fine. But if you need anything…" I say
Jackie grabs my hand and smiles softly at me "I know. Thank you. But let's worry about that tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay" I sigh, leaning my head on Eric's shoulders, while he rubbed my back affectionately
"Jackie, your mom is a bitch" Eric says, making me chuckle "I can't believe I used to think she was hot. You were right, there is a point where a person is too tan! And you know what? She has wrinkles. That's right. She looks like an old orange"
Hyde and Jackie smiled at him. Jackie's smile was genuine, and all I want to do at this moment is to throw Eric on this couch and make love to him right here and right now.
"No, she doesn't" Jackie said, still smiling "But thank you"
"Nah, he's right" Kelso showed up with Fez, giving his opinion "Her good looks are fading"
"Yes, she's nothing compared to you, goddess" Fez says
"Thank you guys," She says, and Hyde whispers something in her ear, making her blush and turn to give him a quick kiss on the lips.
"Jackie, honey" Mrs. Forman approaches us "Can I talk to you in the kitchen real quick?"
She looked at Hyde and he just nodded, so she looked at Mrs. Forman and nodded too, following her to the kitchen.
"Thank you guys" Hyde says "Pam's a whore and the fact that you're not drooling all over her is cool. One less thing for Jackie to worry about"
"We weren't lying man," Kelso says, sitting on the couch. "I can't believe how impervious she was"
"I can't believe you know the word impervious" Eric replies, making us all laugh
"Hey, I'm dating a librarian. She digs this stuff man, whenever I say large words she rewards me sexually" Kelso responds
"Hey, dumbasses number one, two and three, out" I hear Red's voice "I need to speak with those two" He finishes, pointing at me and Hyde
Eric, Kelso and Fez leave without saying another word, and now Hyde and I are alone with Red.
"Look, Donna" Red shifts uncomfortably "I know you told Pam that Jackie's spending the night with you. And if she really wants that, it's okay…" He sighs. Red is not a sentimental person, but seeing Jackie like this is definitely having an impact on him "What I mean to say is, I was talking to Kitty, and we think that she should stay here with Steven today"
Hyde and I both look shocked at him.
"Kitty is talking with her in the kitchen right now, and don't get me wrong Donna, but that girl's been clinging to Steven since she arrived here. I think it would be easier for her if she spends the night with him" He finishes
I get him. I really, really do. I also think that staying with Hyde will help her, but I don't want her to be so dependent on him. She still lives in Chicago, and he lives here. I'm afraid of what will happen when they're apart, she can't cling on him forever.
"Yeah, sure" I say. I will talk to Hyde about my concerns later. For now, I also think the best option is to leave her with Hyde. For now.
"Really, Red?" Hyde asks in disbelief
"As long as there's no hanky panky under my roof…"
"There won't be" Hyde assured him, and shook his hand "Thanks man"
"Well…" Red crossed his arms, trying to look stern "She's my favorite"
Before either me or Hyde could say something else, he left, not wanting us to think he's a softie.
"I guess she's spending the night with you" I say
"Yeah" He says, eyeing the kitchen door.
"She's with Mrs. Forman, Hyde" I say "She's fine"
"I don't know man, maybe she's uncomfortable" He muttered "She feels like everyone is pitying her, that's a shitty feeling, Donna"
"I know" I sigh "But we're not, we're just worried about her. And Mrs. Forman is alright, Jackie needs a maternal figure now. A decent maternal figure"
Hyde looks at me and nods. He understood what I was implying.
"What has Pam said to her before she left?" I ask curiously
Hyde takes a deep breath and laughs dryly, looking extremely angry. "She told Jackie to wear makeup to the funeral tomorrow, otherwise people might confuse her with the corpse"
"That fucking bitch" I mutter, trying to control my own anger
"Don't get me started on that" Hyde says, scowling. "If it wasn't for Jackie I would've probably killed Pam today"
"If it wasn't for Eric, I would've definitely killed Pam" I say, crossing my arms. Hyde turned to look at the kitchen door again to try to check if Jackie and Mrs. Forman were done talking, and I saw something in his neck.
"Is that a hickey, Hyde?" I ask, with fire in my eyes. I swear to God that if he did anything stupid I'll fucking murder him.
"Oh, yeah" He said, rubbing his neck uncomfortably "Jackie… well… I guess she was trying to find a distraction or something"
I sigh, relieved. Then I remember something pretty important "Please don't tell me you two had sex"
"We haven't" He says "I know she's not ready for that Donna… She said she wanted to, but I… I wouldn't… not like this" He muttered and I nodded
"Good" I say "Hyde, what are we going to do about tomorrow?"
"The same thing we did today" He answers "We won't leave her side unless she wants us to"
"Jackie says that she'll be fine spending the night at her old house tomorrow" I say, and I think he knows where I'm getting with this. Jackie won't be fine spending the night in that huge mansion with her mother.
"She will" He says, and I look at him incredulously "I'll sneak in, she won't be alone Donna, not if I can help it"
I breathe relieved "Thank God. Wait, how do you plan on sneaking in?" I ask
He smiled mischievously at me "There's this oak tree by her window, I have beautiful memories thanks to that tree"
I chuckle "Ew!"
"Hey, don't ask questions if you don't want the answers" He says and I laughed again "Speaking of uncomfortable questions, where's Pam Macy? I thought your father was banging her"
I groan "Good God, Hyde, you just had to bring that up, didn't you? Red has forbidden my dad of bringing her around for now"
Hyde chuckled "Red's smart, you're looking for an excuse to hit someone, Pam Macy is lucky she's not here"
"You got something right" I mumble
A few seconds later Jackie showed up and Hyde pulled her back into his lap again, wrapping his arms around her while she snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head and now they're in their own little world, completely oblivious to my presence.
I smile at the sight in front of me, I can't believe I used to think these two weren't a good couple. God, I can't believe I encouraged her to get back with Kelso when I knew Hyde was an option. I'm not stupid, after Veteran's day, he changed his behavior completely around her, I knew he developed feelings for her after their date. I wasn't a good friend, to neither of them.
And now Jackie's going through the worst moment of her life, and Hyde hasn't left her side once.
I take one last look at them, Hyde just whispered something in her ear and kissed her tenderly, they only have eyes for each other. She's in good hands, so I decide to go look for my own boyfriend.
A/N: I'm back! And I think I've managed to fix most of the mistakes in the entire story. I've edited all the chapters, changed a thing or two, and now I'm satisfied.
This chapter was small, I know, but I feel like it's heavy on content and I didn't want to force anything into it.
Being honest, from now on the story is going to focus on Jackie's grief process, and how much it's going to affect the people around her. So if you want to stop reading it I totally get it, there will be trigger warnings on basically all the upcoming chapters.
Please leave a comment telling me what you're thinking so far, you have no idea how much the comments inspire me.
I'll see you again next week!
