The evening's conversation reverberated in Charles' head. He had just made the phone call he dreaded. He thought at the funeral, that would be his last contact with Judith. But then there was talk about discussing royalties and old works being reconsidered, and Charles was swept away by all of it. He owed her that, after their history, Judith had said.
The company needed a hit to stay afloat. They needed authors who could sell. Charles felt guilty steering Kelsey and Liza away from new writers lately, but he knew they needed stability right now. Similarly, Charles needed this in his own life, which had been anything but stable lately. He would have taken more time to explain his choices to the team, but was tired of having debates about going for blockbusters versus imminent bankruptcy to discover new talent.
Then at the meeting with Topher, it all became clear. Charles and Liza saw right away that the books weren't marketable and had to break the news to him. Charles was convinced by Liza to go out for drinks with Topher. They would break the news together. Liza had an ease about her that he could fall right into again. There was never a moment that they didn't connect, and Charles knew having her along for this had been fortuitous. He felt a little bit guilty, because being with Liza always stirred him up emotionally. He didn't want that anymore. He needed to be more serious after a year of carelessness. But this surprise that he could be Topher's father, shook everything up again.
Now something occurred to Charles. He had left Liza there abruptly again. He had gotten so in his head, so wrapped up in emotion, that he had left her there by herself instead of offering her the cab. He had raced to his phone, making the call he dreaded. He would have to talk to Judith to get the answer to his question. He couldn't do this over the phone, although he was tempted to spit it out right then, wanting to demand an answer from her.
He knew Judith was a bit deceptive, and the only way to approach this was to make the meeting a two purpose meeting, but only tell her about the business reason. He told her it concerned what would happen with her late husband's books. Charles knew her son may have already revealed their answer. But Judith had agreed to the meeting, and he was off the phone quickly. He hoped she didn't have ulterior motives, which he didn't put past her. The personal question about her son would come later, after business.
Judith had hinted over the phone that she might like to be involved with Charles romantically again, and he tried to shake it off. He knew he was attractive and tried to not let that affect him. He was often not attracted to women who flattered him, or in worse cases, threw themselves at him. This is why Charles was a bit intimidated by the woman he was currently seeing, although he couldn't bring himself to think of Quinn as his girlfriend. She didn't throw herself at him, but made her intent clear, in a calculated but honest way. Quinn was complimentary to him, and he had viewed her as a fresh start. He had known that she wanted to pursue something before, but hadn't seen her that way.
Quinn was safe in some ways, although unpredictable in others. He had been around her type before. She reminded him of Judith in several ways, mostly in her directness. Quinn had said everything he wanted to hear, and initially he thought they were on the same page. But once he let his guard down, and really heard what Liza had warned him about, the doubt crept in. Quinn had other motives, too. She was using his family to run for office, her goal to run as a married woman.
Charles didn't want to believe it, but it had a ring of truth. He was starting to think no one could be completely honest, and he was just going to keep getting hurt if he let himself fall in love again. Maybe having superficial relationships with rich women was the way to go. He had tried it before, after his ex-wife left him. A nice woman, a philanthropist named Radha, was his go-to as the bandaid for what was done to him by Pauline.
Pauline left him, at first she said, to be with another man. Charles knew it to be true, after hearing it from the other Upper East side moms and nannies. They all were "just trying to protect him from hearing it from someone else, " while at the same time making it very clear that they were available if he needed comforting.
Then when Pauline returned, she pretended it never happened, and told him she only said that to upset him. She wrote a book giving other reasons for her leaving. The book was loved by critics, and successful for his company. Pauline claimed she felt unfulfilled by her life, and wove in a fabulous story about her travels. In edits, she scrapped the part about the yoga instructor she followed to California, and replaced it with something more palatable for the reader. Only he and the editor, Liza, knew the truth. He let it go because he didn't care about a relationship with Pauline anymore, and didn't want to fight. Charles backed down like he was trained to do his whole life. Be agreeable, businesslike, and please your client, that was their way with authors.
His first relationship after Pauline left was a fixup by well meaning friends. It fizzled out when his heart wasn't in it. Charles had realized he was passively agreeing to being with Radha, going through the motions. Feeling little but friendship was safe for him, but unfair to her, so he let her go gracefully.
Then there was the woman he wanted to marry, who he still loved deep down, when he was being honest. Liza was the only one he could trust on this paternity issue. After spending time with her after Topher left, he knew she wouldn't tell his secret to anyone.
Charles was trying to get past their complicated situation. He saw Liza move on, and decided he needed to do the same. If she could be with someone so quickly, then maybe he was right. Maybe Liza hadn't really felt the same way he did in her heart. Maybe that was why she rejected his proposal. So he went with a safe replacement. But Quinn wasn't even safe, he saw that more clearly now that he wasn't nursing a hurt ego from his perceived rejection. Especially now, with the nagging suspicion that Liza's insinuation was correct.
Charles was embarrassed to admit he glanced at Quinn's dayplanner, that she left open on the table in his office during their lunch. As soon as Quinn left the room, he flipped forward into the year. In fact, she had several political planning meetings out of state. Her "former" campaign manager was listed as the contact. He wanted to trust Quinn, but just couldn't. He was upset with himself that he was still so gullible. He was still so easily fooled. He had let it go, because he had been raised to be a perfect gentleman in these matters. He could have asked her, but wanted Quinn to be the one who confessed her plan.
It had seemed too perfect; Quinn agreeing with him, acting like she had changed from her failures. So far she hadn't let go of the facade, and maybe she wouldn't. Right now Charles was content with that. He had to "fake it till you make it." He had to keep pretending he was fine. Maybe Quinn would help him forget. He could be wrong, after all, about her motives.
Yet, Charles couldn't tell Quinn this massive development in his life. He was worried she would find it appalling, drop him like a hot potato. He had too much pride to admit it to anyone, except the only one he had no trouble sharing secrets with. Liza was the one person who wouldn't judge him for his carelessness over twenty years ago. 'So why did I leave her there, when we should be talking about this?' he thought.
Charles realized why. Because he had yelled at her to stay out of his personal life. Besides that, he couldn't trust himself with Liza. It always led to more when he spoke with her from his heart.
Liza arrived home, still trying to figure out what happened. Charles had left in a hurry, grabbing the first cab that arrived. She could read the panic in his face. He was probably drinking scotch and worrying. She knew he hated surprises, and this was the biggest of all surprises.
Liza thought about what his reactions had been when he learned other shocking news. She thought about his probable reaction to the truth about her, when she had lied about her age. Although she hadn't seen him at the time it was revealed, she saw the aftermath. So finding out couldn't have been pretty. Charles was probably a mess right now, trying to pretend he wasn't.
Liza had felt relieved that they were trying to treat each other differently now. They had a hurtful conversation not that long ago, and she tried to give Charles space and stay away. But she always felt drawn to him and he told her things he didn't mean to say, especially this week. Liza could tell by his look of embarrassment, his stumbling on his words and apologies for "getting too familiar". She knew he just didn't have anyone else to talk to. In her heart she knew she shouldn't be that person. He was with someone else now.
Liza was still not over him, and wasn't sure if she ever would be. At times she was upset with herself for her behavior around Charles, and the accusations she made about him finding a backup girlfriend a little too quickly. Charles had denied it, and she believed him. But she could see her words had stung. And she wanted to hurt him, like he hurt her by ending their relationship so quickly over what she thought was a technicality. Charles had wanted to marry her, but was fine with them breaking up over a difference in opinion. Liza couldn't understand this. She was used to being cheated on by men. Although she knew he hadn't done that, saying what she said gave her a strange power over him. Charles hadn't planned to meet anyone. But the opportunist Quinn was, she didn't wait long to show Charles that she was there.
Then Liza had moved on, and Charles knew right away. She felt empowered, like she was taking back control of her emotions at the time. She would be with someone else and show Charles she was over him. But when Charles found out, and she saw how destroyed he was, she wished she could undo it. After his quiet comment about her "having fun" with her author, Charles couldn't look at her for days. The office gossip was unstoppable, and Liza felt embarrassed that she had let herself be that person.
At this point, Liza didn't expect Charles to actually have a relationship with someone else, but there it was. It was so gaudy and irritating that she did everything she could to expose Quinn. After Liza was double crossed by her own source, she backed off, hurt from the blowback. Her friends were right, she should have left it alone. No more picking at a scab. She needed to heal and so did he.
As Liza pulled up her social media, she saw Charles' status "online". Was it too late to text? Was it inappropriate? She didn't care.
"Are you okay? Want to talk?" Liza texted.
A minute later, her phone rang.
"I'm glad you texted. I've been going crazy." Charles admitted.
They talked for almost an hour about his past and his feelings of guilt. Despite her reassurance, he was being hard on himself. He was allowed to have a past, she kept telling him. He didn't have to be perfect.
"Maybe this will be a good thing, " Liza said optimistically.
Charles let his guard down completely, and told her that he was having a meeting tomorrow with Judith. "I'm dreading bringing this up, but I have to know."
"I hope you've been able to talk to Quinn about this. Maybe she would have some legal advice," Liza offered. "She probably deals with this all the time. Not exactly this, but legal matters."
"Actually, I haven't said anything to Quinn yet. You are the only one who knows. I just want to see if it's true first. I probably shouldn't put this on you. I'm sorry I left you there in the street. I wasn't thinking clearly. "
"I know," she replied. "And I'm not mad at you for not calling me a cab. You've been through enough, give yourself a break."
"Are you sure? I know I've not been myself lately. I just have a lot to figure out."
"I know how you are when things get intense," Liza said quietly. Yes, she knew better than anyone that his solution was to pretend it didn't happen or run away.
"You are one of the few who have seen me at my worst. Thanks for being around, even when I'm difficult. "
"I know you'd do the same for me. Well, you have kept my many secrets, some mutual secrets even," she laughed, trying to lighten the mood. She wished she could see if he was smiling.
"Right." He said. "There were a few things."
"So, do you want me to come with you for support?" She asked.
"No, I think I have to have this conversation by myself. But I'll let you know how it goes. "
They agreed that he would call after his meeting if he needed support.
The next day, Liza finished work and met with a new agent at a nearby cafe. She knew where Charles and Judith were meeting, a place further away from work, Judith's temporary residence. Liza let Charles know where she would be in case he wanted to discuss what happened. Her mind was telling her it couldn't be true. But what if Topher was his son? This could really affect his life in unexpected ways.
As Charles arrived at Judith's place, his mind raced. How was he going to make up for lost time? Why didn't Judith tell him?
Judith greeted him and got immediately to the point. Why was he here if they weren't publishing the books?
After asking her about Topher's paternity, he prepared himself. Judith laughed. She assured him he wasn't Topher's father, and said what happened between them meant very little to her. Charles quickly left after Judith's attempt to get him to stay for a drink and to refresh her memory. He wished her well and tried to clear his mind.
Charles had so many questions. Did he remember things wrong and Judith had many flings that summer? How did she know for sure about Topher's paternity? He cursed himself for leaving so soon, and almost headed back to see if she still had a copy of the paternity test. Then he stopped himself, realizing that could go very wrong and she would make assumptions. Maybe he should call Liza and ask her opinion. Or maybe just accept what Judith said and move on.
Charles walked out the door with his umbrella. He stopped, looked up and smiled. Liza had been concerned and was waiting for him. He asked her why she was there. Liza shared that she came by to be a friend to him.
After working through what happened, they discussed the possibility of Charles finishing his novel. Liza was all for it, but he wasn't so sure. It would bring up too much for him, he thought. On the other hand, getting it off his mind by finishing it would help, and she could help him edit his story. They joked about moving forward in their lives and before he knew it, he was smiling and laughing with her again. Liza knew how to cheer him up, no doubt.
She broke into his thoughts with a question. "I hate to go there, but what if Judith just told you that to get rid of you. What if he really is your son?"
"I had that same thought. But what can I do?" Charles asked.
"Get an independent test. Topher already knows about his mother's habits, so it wouldn't shock him at this point to get a new test."
"Maybe. I think that would clear my mind."
"You could even get one of Quinn's top attorneys if they refuse. I'm sure she has a lot of sharks working for her."
Charles sighed, "I still haven't told Quinn. Look, I know I said honesty is the best policy, but I'm not sure she's been honest with me about everything in her life either. Your idea really wasn't that far fetched. Sorry I was so mad. I didn't want to doubt her. Quinn had told me about the scholarship fund so I thought that was her only announcement."
"How do you know she wasn't honest about everything?" Liza narrowed her eyes, trying to read his mind.
"I have my ways. But I don't know for sure." Charles didn't want to go into details about the snooping he did. He felt ashamed that he did that. The satisfied look on Liza's face was enough to get him to change topics. "I will tell Quinn if it's true. But otherwise, it will just stay in the past. She hasn't asked to read the manuscript anyway. She doesn't have much interest in my life before she knew me."
Liza thought how strange it was to date someone and not care about his past. They seemed to be all smoke and mirrors.
"So you're going ahead with the test?" she inquired.
"I think I have to. I just don't know if I can trust Judith at her word," he shook his head.
Charles was able to get the test arranged without any protest, to his surprise. A simple cheek swab by both parties in front of an impartial lab manager was all it took. Judith laughed at him, insisting what she said was true, but that Charles was welcome to throw his money away.
The results were back in two days. Charles asked for a rush, and paid extra. He started to open the envelope with shaky hands. He paused, deciding to call Liza, as she was still in the office despite the late hour.
Liza answered on the second ring. "I'll be right there. "
As he opened the envelope and read the results, he let out a huge breath. "Probability of paternity zero percent. The alleged father is excluded as the biological father of the tested child. He isn't mine." Charles gave her the complicated document, with the summary statement, and other data on matching alleles that neither of them understood.
"I'm so happy for you!" Liza thought back to the last time she had to take a pregnancy test and it was negative. What a relief this must be.
"Hmm. This is weird but I kind of feel like I wanted him to be my son. Just a little. Do you think that's strange?"
"No. You get used to an idea and it starts feeling real. I know all about that, " she laughed.
"Thank you for your support. I know I said I wouldn't involve you in my personal life. I'll try to stick with that. "
"I'm not sure if that's possible for either of us, but we can try," she joked. "Until the next crisis comes along and we need someone to talk to."
Just then, Charles got a text. It was from Quinn. He pulled his mind out of his current space of celebration, and tried to give her his full attention. He wouldn't have to mention this to her, and they could go back to being the likeness of an ideal couple.
"I should answer this," he said.
Liza stood up, knowing who was contacting him. It crossed her mind that he had felt too unsure about the status of his current relationship to tell Quinn any of this, but would confide in Liza easily. That knowledge brought a smile to her face, and she gave Charles a quick hug as she walked out of his office confidently. He might be lying to himself right now, but she knew him too well. He would be back to involve her in his next dilemma.
