Hello, I wrote this 2 chaptered fic a while back but never had time to post it. Anyway, I was encouraged by OffYourBird's fic: From That Dream's Apocalypse to finally put this up here because that story reminded me of this fic that I did a couple of years ago. Speaking of OffYouBird's story, I recommend you check it as well, it's really good and I love its premise. This one was written on my melancholic days so expect a little sadness as you read through the fic. Also, this is unbetaed since it's a short story, so I apologize if you find any mistakes.
(O.O)
Day 1
An annoying beeping sound was what woke her up from her long slumber. She slowly opened her eyes to examined the room she was in. The walls were white and a TV was hanging in front of her bed. There were flowers littered on her nightstand and the source of the constant beeping sound came from the stupid monitors beside her bed.
A hospital. She surmised as she began to smell that very hateful sterilized stench of one.
She was in a hospital, but for the life of her, she could not remember why.
"Oh, my God!" a voice cried from the door. She turned around and saw that it was her friend, Willow. She'd recognized that red hair anywhere. "Doctor! Doctor, she's awaked!" she heard her call out to someone outside her room.
No moment sooner, a few medical personnels came rushing into her room. They were checking those beeping machines and her charts and-she was getting tired.
She told them this and slowly shut her eyes. The last thing she saw was the very older face of her best friend telling her everything was gonna be alright.
"What do you mean she went back to sleep?! She just bloody woke up!"
"Her body is still very tired, she also probably still experiencing the effects of the drugs in her system-"
"Then get her off them! She's a Slayer, she's not suppose to have any drugs in her to begin with! She hates those stuff!"
"Sir, please calm down!"
"Don't tell me to calm down! That's my bloody wife lying on that bed and she's been there for three weeks already! She shouldn't still want to sleep again after being unconscious for so long!"
"Sir-"
"-ike, calm down, let the doctors do their jobs! Buffy will be alright! Just have a little faith."
"But Red!"
"No buts, mister! They cannot help her if you keep pestering them! Now sit down and let them do their work! They'll help Buffy in every way they can."
"Okay..."
Day 2
It was the sound of the TV that woke her up the second time around. The room was darker this time because the curtains were closed shut. She once again surveyed the room and saw that someone was there with her watching an unfamiliar show on the screen.
She looked closer at the man sitting by her bed and recognized who it was with his familiar platinum blond hair.
Spike! She thought as she stared at the vampire, who was sitting on the couch inside her room and was watching television.
He must've noticed something from her because he looked her way.
"You're awake! Thank god!" he said with teary eyes before he hurriedly ran outside to get the doctor.
He returned and immediately sat beside her bed and took her hand.
"Oh, Luv, you gave us a good scare, you know? Do you have any idea the kind of scolding Dawn gave me for letting you drive the car that night?! She was furious! Bloody nearly bit my head off! But everything's gonna be fine now. You'll-"
"Let me go!" she told her angrily.
He paused and stared at her furious expression in confusion.
"Buffy?"
"I said let me go!" she screamed before pushing him away from her, then cartwheeling towards the sofa. With a swift kick, she broke the chair and picked up one of its wooden pieces before turning back to face her opponent in the room.
"Buffy, Luv, what are you-?"
"Don't call me love!" she screamed and began giving him a series of punches.
He easily deflected her attacks but the confusion in his face never left. He tried to talk to the blonde woman but she would have none of it and instead, she used his continuous attempts as a distraction and attacked him more ferociously. It wasn't long before she finally got the upper hand and was able to flip him down on his back. Then with all intent and purpose, she raised her makeshift stake to finally dust the offending vampire.
Her stake was mere inches from his chest when it was stopped by the strong grip of another familiar person.
"Angel!" she cried happily, before confusion set on her face when she saw the angry look on his face as she held her wrist.
"Buffy, what the hell? Why are you trying to dust Spike?!" he asked her pulling her away from the vampire.
"What?"
She looked even more confused and began to look around and saw her friends, who again looked a bit older than she remembered and were helping Spike stand up.
"What are all of you doing?! That's Spike! Evil vampire? Obsessed with killing Slayers?! Does none of this ring a bell?" she cried. "Xander, Willow, that's the vampire who kidnapped you a few weeks back and caused you guys trouble with Oz and Cordy!"
Now it was everyone's turn to look at her like she had grown another head. She was starting to get even more confused and creeped out.
Why were they all staring at her like that? Why were they helping Spike? And while did it seemed that the room was spinning?
"Guys-" she started but she was breathing too heavily and looked like she was having a panic attack from all the confusing things that were going on.
"Buffy, calm down, please," Willow's gentle voice called out to her. She turned and stared at the very older version of her best friend. "Buffy, please listen to me. Take deep breaths and calm down," she told her.
She listened and did as she was told.
"Good. Now I want you to slowly back up and sit down on the nice comfy bed."
Again, she did what was asked of her and slowly moved back to the hospital bed.
"Nice. Now, I'm gonna ask you some questions and I want you to answer them as truthfully as you can. Do you understand me?"
She did understand, but what she didn't understand was why her friend was talking to her like she was a kid.
She didn't want to voice her concern though, because she was feeling the fatigue she gained from her fight with Spike earlier, so she simply nodded to reply to her friend.
"Alright." The witch turned to look at the people in the room before her eyes landed on a very ruffled and confused vampire who was clearly panicking at the situation.
She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder before seeing him let out a deep breath and turning to face her with a grateful expression.
After this exchange, she turned back to face Buffy, who saw the entire thing and was very confused at what they did.
"Buffy," she started, "How about we start with what you remembered before you woke up. You called Spike an evil vampire and mentioned Oz and Cordy?"
"Yes! Because you guys both fought with your respective lovers since Spike came to town and kidnapped you! Angel and I scared him off, well-sort of anyway, but he left and said he'd go find Dru! But he's back again and you're all protecting him!"
Everyone exchanged worried looks before Willow finally voiced out what they all were fearing.
"Buffy, can you tell me what year it is today?"
"1998."
Moments later, a doctor came and was informed of what happened. After making a few check-ups on the newly awakened Slayer's condition. After getting the blonde woman settled back in her bed, she immediately fell back to sleep.
It was then that the doctor turned to the blond's anxious friends, before giving his diagnosis on the Slayer's condition.
"Retrograde Amnesia. It's a kind of amnesia where one suffers the loss of memories from-"
"I don't care about what it is! What I care about is how we can fix it!" Spike yelled.
"There is no exact cure for amnesia, sir."
"So what you're trying to say is that my wife could very well forget all about me?"
"Well, not necessarily. There are some cases of amnesia where the patient retain their full memory-"
"When?!"
"Sir?"
"When will that happen? When will she remember me?"
"Sir-I'm not sure. Sometimes patients take days for their memory to return, sometimes weeks, others take years and on rare and I mean extremely rare cases-the memory doesn't return at all."
"So you mean-"
"-ike, please settle down. Buffy will not forget you forever. She'll get those memories back. Don't be afraid. Just have a little faith."
"I think I'm almost fresh out of it, pet."
Day 7
Eighteen years. She lost eighteen freaking years of her life. And it seemed that they were very eventful years at that, considering she no longer lived by the Hellmouth but in England, where her mother was dead, and where Willow was now the head of a coven there, Xander was now a senior Watcher, as was her little sister Dawn, in the new Council that Giles was leading, there were also thousands of Slayers around the world and Angel-well, Angel was human.
That was the biggest shock she got because wow! Angel plus human equals very happy Buffy! Or so she thought until he informed her that he had a girlfriend and that she and he were going steady. She was apparently a wolf and Angel loved her very much.
It hurt her. It really did. To think that the man she loved was now human but was currently with another woman.
But he told her she had someone in her life and that she loved him very deeply. Of course, when she asked who it was he simply closed his lips after saying that it wasn't his place to say and left her alone in her hospital room.
It didn't make sense to her. If she had someone she loved more than Angel then where was he? Why hasn't he ever come to visit her? Why wasn't he by her side when she woke up? Did he even love her back? These were the questions she always asked as she stayed in the hospital alone.
It was all very confusing and she was getting scared in all of this. How was she supposed to go on with this life? A life where she was the oldest living Slayer. A full-grown adult. And she was supposed to be a very respectable member of the Council of Slayers and Watcher? How was she supposed to live the way she was when everything she knew about herself was no longer applied because she was expected to be different than that person? How was she gonna-
The door opened and closed and someone entered her room was what brought her out of her musings.
She looked up and glared at her visitor.
There was another thing she found out about this new life of hers that was a surprise to her too. Only unlike the shock she got from learning that Angel was human, this one was accompanied by annoyance and disgust.
"Spike," she spatted the new souled vampire's name. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Hello to you too, pet. And to answer your very rude way of asking, I come bearing gifts from your sister!" He lifted the bag he was carrying. "Some change of clothes so you can finally get out of this bloody hell hole."
"They're discharging me?" she asked excitedly.
"Well, yeah. They said that aside from the bloody loss of your memory, you're the perfect model for a fully-recovered patient."
"Sweet!" she cried as she immediately got up and grab the bag from his hand and began inspecting its contents.
She was so busy admiring the clothes he brought for her that she failed to notice the longing look in his eyes. When he saw that she finally found something she liked to wear, he excused himself, telling her that he was gonna go outside and sign some papers to clear her for discharge. It never occurred to her why he was the one signing those papers when he wasn't even family-at least as far as she knew and remembered.
It only took a few short minutes, before he returned with a nurse and a wheelchair.
"What's with the wheels?" she asked.
"It's standard procedure, ma'am, that we take you outside on these."
"But I don't want to-"
"Just do as they say, pet, it's only 'till we get out of here, then you can walk all you want. Besides it's not all that bad."
"And you would know that wouldn't you, Mr. I've-been-stuck-in-a-wheel-chair-because-of-me?!" she snapped at him, before getting taken aback by the hurt look he sent her way.
She hated seeing that look in his eyes, just as much as she hated the tender look he'd send her way when he thought she wasn't looking. It irritated her to no end that he was directing that look to her because it was the same look Angel once gave her, and it hurt her to compare the two with each other, especially since the other was no longer a vampire. But most of all, she hated it because it always made her feel guilty to put it there.
And she didn't want to feel guilty when it came to Spike. Soul or not, he still did a lot of bad things to her and her friends and she wasn't gonna forget all of it no matter what. He wasn't Angel after all and she didn't love him like she did Angel, so he didn't deserve special treatment from her.
"Just sit on the damn thing, Slayer, and don't make this any more difficult than it already is. Don't you want to leave here?"
Of course, she did. But she wasn't gonna tell him that.
But for some reason, he guessed what she was thinking and said, "Then be a good little Slayer and just sit on the damned chair until we get out. Once we're out, we can finally leave this place once and for all! Isn't that what you want?"
She was still stubborn to answer him, but she conceded and sat on the wheelchair and allowed herself to be carted out of the hospital until they reached the exit where she finally stood up and ran outside to the breezy London air.
The car ride to her sister's place was spent in silence since she really didn't have anything to talk to each other about. Besides their earlier conversation of where they were heading, they hadn't spoken a word to each other since. She began fiddling with the radio but she paused when at the familiar chords of the song "Wind Beneath my Wings".
Suddenly she was transported back to Giles' old apartment and was sitting on someone's lap. She was laughing with that person. Talking about wedding cakes, schedules, and stuff. They were kissing and she felt so happy and love and-
"Buffy? You okay?" Spike's voice snapped her out of her reverie.
"Huh? Oh, yeah! Fine!" she told him and tried to shake away the strange memory that came to her. She didn't see who she was with but she did recognize the black leather that person was wearing. It was weird and she refused to believe who that was that her mind was telling her.
It can't be him. He and I aren't married and I don't love him! Her mind screamed, but her heart really wasn't into it. She suddenly felt so tired all of a sudden.
"You sure, Luv?" The concern in his voice for some reason broke her heart and irritated her to no end.
Why the hell do I feel this way about Spike, dammit?! I hate him! I hate him so much!
"I said I'm fine, fang breath. Now eyes at the road and for the last time, don't call me love!"
When she reached the house, she immediately retired to the room they prepared for her and missed the sad conversation her sister had with the vampire.
"You sure you don't want to come in? There's still room for you here in the Summers-Rosenberg home, Spike."
"Not really sure that's true, Bit, considering-" He eyed the door behind her.
"Oh, don't worry about Buffy being her usual bitchy self. I'll protect you from her."
"I don't need protection, Dawn, what I need is for Buffy to be comfortable while she doesn't have her memory yet."
"But what if she doesn't-"
"Don't," the cracking of his voice stopped her. "Please don't tell me that. It's the only thing I have left. The hope that one day she will remember and will come back to me."
"Why don't you just tell her about you, Spike?! It'll be easier-"
"No! That is the last thing I want to do! She's barely accepting the fact I'm now a white hat much less that I'm her husb-" he stopped to swallow the hard lump in his throat. "You just can't tell her, pet. Please promise me you won't."
"But why?"
"Because you don't tell someone they love you. They need to find that out for themselves."
And he left after that.
Day 15
She was bored. For the last couple of weeks, she had been trying to make sense of her new life. She tried to look through albums and find out stuff about her that could jog up some of her memory. But nothing seemed to help. There just wasn't anything that would help her remember.
Maybe she never will remember. And the sooner she accepted this, probably the better it would be for her because she was really getting tired of having her friends and sister hovering over her and asking if she remembered something.
It was annoying.
The only one who beat her irritation on not remembering her past was Spike, who made it his mission to visit her every day for the last two weeks and keep her company when her friends and sister were not around.
It wasn't that he did anything to cause her ire. It was more because he knew her so well that she began to question what his relationship with her was.
It annoyed her that he knew how to make her happy and laugh and make her forget all her worries about losing her memories because he always seemed to know what to do to keep her busy. He always knows what to say to keep her mind preoccupied and he always found ways to make sure she wasn't uncomfortable in any way while she couldn't remember anything.
Spike was just so safe, and easy to be with and she liked it. But also hated it because-he wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to know how to care for her. He wasn't supposed to know how to make her laugh. How to make her happy. He wasn't supposed to know what sort of food she liked, or the kinds of movies she'd want to watch. Like Frozen! Boy, who knew she was into talking snowman and singing-dancing trolls? Or even be able to read the kind of mood she was in because apparently feeling restless for her meant she wanted to spar.
Huh? Who knew?!
For her, he just wasn't supposed to know these things.
But he does and she hates it. Hates him for it, because he knows so much about her when she remembers nothing about him and she knows that hurts him, even though he never shows it to her.
Day 17
"You want me to go out with you?" she asked sounding incredulous. "Why?" She crossed her arms and gave him a suspicious look.
"Because, Slayer, I know for a fact that you're getting tired of being stuck in this house for so long. You'd want a change of scenery."
"Says who?" she asked childishly, but she knew he was right. She was getting bored staying inside the house. However, she was being stubborn to actually agree with him on this right away.
"Me. And before you open that annoying trap of yours and say something stupid like I don't know anything about what I'm saying, don't. Just don't. Because you and I know that I know you better than anyone and I know that you are bored out of your mind from being cooped up in here for too long and the only reason you haven't told anyone about this yet is 'cause you're just too annoyingly stubborn to ask anyone to let you out."
She glared at the vampire.
She hated when he did that, him knowing what she was thinking without her saying anything because it was a huge reminder of just how much she lost.
The things they've both experienced that had resulted in him knowing so much about her to the point where she didn't have to say anything to him, she had forgotten them and it made her sad being reminded of this all the time.
"You alright, pet?" he asked gently and full of concern.
Another one of the things that she hated about him. She glared at him because of this.
"Oh, quit pouting, Slayer, and just dress up. We're going out," he said, ignoring her look of annoyance.
She sighs before conceding. "Where are we going again?!" she asked as she made her way to her room.
"Out! Just put on something you'd usually wear while Slaying and add a thick coat to it."
"We're going patrolling?" she asked from behind her bedroom door, sounding almost giddy.
This would be the first time she'd slay anything since waking up, and she was very excited. She hurriedly put on something simple, a grey T-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. She didn't own any boots. But she did find some sneakers, so she put those on. She wasn't gonna be picky with what she'll wear.
It was not like this was a date or anything.
She tied her hair in a little bun on top of her head and added a small amount of makeup on her face, though she wasn't sure why she did that last one.
She stepped out of her room and watched in shyness when she saw the visible admiring look Spike showed upon seeing her. It was weird for her, but for some reason, she felt butterflies in her stomach as she watched him give her that look.
"God, you're beautiful," she whispered.
A blush formed on her cheeks at that compliment.
Okay, now she knew she was growing mad from being cooped up in the house for too long because she was actually happy to get complimented by Spike of all people.
"Yeah, whatever," she said trying to sound nonchalant but only came out meaner than she intended. She forced back that annoying little guilty conscience of hers again from surfacing before turning to face Spike and wait for him to lead them to wherever he planned to take them.
Day 20
She had been so excited when Dawn first mentioned that she was inviting her to go with her to the Council HQ where they trained Slayers. She had been told that it would be good for her to see what she used to do for a living and perhaps even jog her memory.
She agreed with the first reason but had doubts about the second. It's nearly been a month since her accident and nothing seemed to help in getting her memory back. So she'd have reservations about it returning just because she was at work.
They arrived at the council HQ around ten, and the place was already bustling with activities. Watchers were walking around, either carrying files or books in their hands. But what she did notice was that they all never failed to greet them when they pass by them.
"Good morning, Ms. Dawn. Good morning, Ms. Summers," was the usual way they were greeted.
Of course, this caused Buffy to question why they were more formal when greeting her than her sister.
Dawn merely laughed before saying, "Well, of course, they'd be formal to you, they all learned the hard way that someone goes a little growly when people get too casual when it comes to you," in a teasing manner as if she knew why that was so.
She didn't point out that she had no idea who this someone was because she knew her sister wouldn't tell her anyway. In fact, no one seemed to tell her who this someone was that Buffy was supposed to be in a relationship with. It bugged her a lot that there was someone in her life that is supposed to be special to her, but she can't remember them.
It was probably why they haven't met up with me yet. They probably can't deal with the fact that the woman they love doesn't remember them. She thought sadly.
They continued their walk until they reached the elevator. Dawn pressed a few combinations of keys before they were slowly lowered down.
"Why are we going downwards?"
"The Council's training area is in the lower levels of the building. We thought it was safer to train Slayers down there to maintain secrecy since people have no idea that we are giving combat training these girls to begin with," was her sister's casual answer.
She nodded in understanding. While she knew there were now more Slayers, she was informed that the world was still oblivious to these super powered girls, so it was understandable why they had to hide their training area from those who didn't understand what they were doing.
When they reached the lower levels she was greeted by the sight of a very large gymnasium. With maybe forty or fifty young teen girls doing a unison exercise with a very familiar souled vampire. She glared at him at first, for just being there.
Old habits die hard after all.
But her glare softened as she watched and listened to what he taught the young women on the proper way of holding a staff and the best combination of attacks to use it with. It wasn't long until he told them to stop the unison exercise and to pair up and start practicing amongst themselves.
After giving them this order and the girls started doing it, Spike's eyes and attention then zoned on her by the elevator. It had been then when she realized that she had to leave, or else he'd approach her and talk to her. And she so didn't want that considering what happened the night before was still fresh in her mind.
Last night she had a flashback about him and she was terrified on what she saw.
The previous night, they were doing their usual patrolling ritual, one Spike started a few days back when it happened.
In her flashback, she saw her and Spike strolling the cemetery just like they were doing that night. They killed a few vamps too, same as what they were doing. The only real difference in her flashback was that they were in a cemetery in Sunnydale and by the end of the patrol in that flashback, she and Spike started having hot and rough sex by a crypt. It wasn't long before more flashbacks of her having sex with Spike appeared before her eyes.
It was crazy, but not as crazy as how the flashback ended.
At the end of it, she saw herself and Spike in a dark alley with her beating the daylights out of him and calling his cruel and horrible names that she had no idea she was even capable of saying to an obviously defenseless creature.
It had sickened her and made her run back home as fast as she could away from the vampire.
Now, seeing him again while the member of what she saw last night scared her from interactinge with the vampire.
So she made a flimsy excuse to Dawn and left.
She saw the confuse look he sent her as she boarded the elevator again. But she was too confused to be bothered by the vampire's feelings. So she ignore him and left.
Day 29
She's been getting more and more flashbacks on her relationship with Spike. Just small ones here and there about the times that she spent with him. However, more often than not, she gets memories of having sex with the vampire.
Those affected most.
The sex looked amazing and her body knew she always enjoyed every minute of it. These moments happened often enough for her to know that she either had a sexual relationship with him or that she used to have one with him.
She still wasn't certain.
But she wouldn't ask him to explain anything though.
She never did.
She was scared.
Scared to learn the truth that she had been feeling for quite some time.
Maybe he's the one everyone said was the guy she was with?
The mysterious man that supposedly loved her.
But she didn't want that. She was still in denial on the matter.
Why him out of all of them? Why him and not Angel? What the fuck happened all these years for her to settle with someone like Spike?!
She refused to learn the truth because she didn't think she can take the heartbreak of learning she moved on from the man she called the love of her life.
Day 40
She had the most epic flashback since she lost her memories and she was not dealing with it at all. In fact, she refused to believe that they were her memories.
She married him!
She refused to believe that instead of walking down the altar with Angel at the end of it, it was Spike to who she ended up saying "I do" to.
"Buffy?" a concerned voice brought her back from her musings.
She turned to the source and glared when she realized who it was that was talking to her.
The source of her problems and inner issues.
Spike.
"No! I refuse to believe that I would choose you over him!" she suddenly snapped, backing away from him.
This startled and confused him. Before realization dawned on him.
She had a flashback of their wedding.
"Buffy, pet, wai-"
"I don't even like you-I mean, sure you're fun to hang out with and talk to, but I love Angel! What the hell possessed me to marry you and choose you over him?!" she cried.
He was silent. He didn't know how to respond to that. All these years together he still asked her that same question every day. But she was always the one who reassured him that she chose him because she loved him. But he could not tell her this. Not now. Not when she was acting like this and telling him that she loved Angel instead of him.
Old insecurities resurfaced, making it hard for him to give her the answer she wants.
"You know what? Don't answer me. I don't care.
She was walking out of the apartment and was walking away from him. He had to stop her. But his feet were booted to the floor and his mouth was glued shut. It was only when the door slammed shut that he was finally released from his frozen position.
He immediately fell on his knees and began crying. Letting out all the tears he had been keeping bottled up inside since she got into that accident.
I lost her... Were the words that echoed inside his mind.
TBC
(O.O)
And that's the end of the first chapter. Let me know how I did and if you liked the fic. Thanks for reading!
