Hello everyone! Here's an update and the last part of this two-chaptered fic. The first one was all sadness and heartaches for Spuffy, which was intentional. This one will show Buffy's journey on remembering Spike. I'd like to thank all kind readers who left lovely reviews for the last chapter. I enjoyed reading everyone's feedback. It's really nice to hear that people liked my story and thought my characters were-well in character. Thanks for that. Anyway, please enjoy!
(O.O)
Day 62
It's been nearly 2 weeks since she walked away from Spike after she got the flashback of their wedding. And within that time, she had not seen a hair or hide of the platinum blond vamp.
She wasn't worried.
Of course, she wasn't
Why would she? This is what she wanted, right?
To not see him every day. To not face the fact that she married him and stopped loving Angel.
That's what she wanted.
Right?
Day 64
She hadn't expected a visit from Angel. It was unexpected but very much welcomed.
She hadn't seen him since the first week she was discharged from the hospital, which was really disappointing.
But he was here now and she couldn't be any happier.
She had him sit on the couch in the apartment she was sharing with Dawn and Willow and prepared coffee for him.
Black with 2 teaspoons of sugar.
She never saw him eat anything before. In fact, he was always hesitant to drink blood in her presence. So she smiled when he drank the coffee she brought him.
She took the time to check him out and she really liked what she saw.
Although he indeed looked older than her last memory of him, he still looked good. He wasn't sporting the same spiked-up and heavily gelled hair that he used to have, Now, he had a clean haircut, with tempered sides and was brushed to his back. He had lines on his face but she was certain they were from smiling a lot and not from the frowns he used to wear.
But what surprised her most were his eyes.
They no longer looked in pain or tormented, a clear indication that this man was entirely different from her Angel.
He's happy. She thought sadly.
"Buffy?" Angel's voice brought her back from her thoughts, "Are you okay?"
"Huh? I mean, yeah. I was just thinking about how much you changed over these years," she tells him.
Angel merely laughs. "I'll bet! I mean, a couple of nights ago, Nina found a couple of strands of white hair in my head. It was both amazing and terrifying. Growing old, I mean."
She flinched at the mention of the man's girlfriend.
Nina.
She still can't believe he was with someone other than her. It just didn't seem right to her.
But she didn't tell him of her disapproval. She didn't want to hurt him because she can clearly see that he was really happy with this Nina.
"So, do you want to tell me what happened between you and Spike?" he says all of a sudden, and for the second time that morning, she flinched at a name.
"Wha-what do you mean? Nothing happened between us," she said, trying to not sound defensive. She didn't want him to get any ideas that she was sleeping with Spike.
Even though it was okay to do so since you are supposedly married to him. Her treacherous mind whispered.
Angel sighs. "Buffy, you don't have to hide it. I know you two must've fought otherwise, that idiot wouldn't be binge drinking as much as he is right now."
"And how do you know he's been drinking? I mean, I haven't seen him since he left a couple of weeks ago."
It was the truth. No one has seen a hair of the peroxide idiot, which was worrying everyone except for her, who was still in denial of the idea that she married her mortal enemy.
"Because he's been coming home smelling like he swallowed a distillery, and the only time Captain Peroxide drinks is when he's had a fight with you," Angel informed her.
Her eyes widened at this information. "He's been living with you?" she asked.
Angel frowned at this. He didn't expect her not to know that Spike was staying with him considering the vampire used to constantly visit her. He figured they would've at least let her know that the idiot refused to go home to the house he shared with his wife without the said wife coming with him.
"You really didn't know?" he asked.
She shakes her head. She was still reeling at the idea that Angel was letting Spike, the vampire he used to despise, stay in the same place he was sharing with his girlfriend. It was unnatural.
At least for her, who didn't know that these two were now as close to each other as brothers because of their shared experience that happened in LA 14 years ago.
"I see," the ex-vampire said, looking like he was pondering on something.
"How is he?" she asked, surprising both of them with her sudden interest in the vampire's wellbeing.
Angel shakes his head before answering, "Aside from the excessive consumption of alcohol? He's in pain. This whole incident hasn't been easy on him. I mean, he's alive at the very least but that's only because I'm stopping him from doing something completely stupid like offing himself or something."
She tensed at the answer she got. However, an "Oh. That's good. I guess," was her only reply to it. She still wasn't comfortable with the idea of caring about Spike.
Angel frowned at this again. He didn't like that she seemed indifferent towards the vampire, who he was starting to see as a good friend and only family, besides Connor, that he had left.
"Buffy, I just told you Spike is in pain and has been binge drinking in his free time, and all you can say is: "Oh. That's good"? Didn't you hear what I just said?"
She flinched again at his raised voice. Angel never raised his voice at her. At least not because of Spike. She was certain this will be like her fight with Dawn all over again. She was not looking forward to this conversation, especially since this will be with him, the man who is the reason she still hasn't accepted her relationship status with that vampire.
"I heard you, Angel." she tells him, "But what do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for it? That I regret what I told him a couple of weeks back?"
"And what exactly did you tell him?" he asked, sounding angry.
She tensed again. She's never heard Angel angry. At least not with her. She had to mentally tell herself that this was not Angelus and if he would attack her, she can defend herself because he was human now.
After a deep breath, she finally answered. "I asked him why I married him when I was in love with you."
This time it was Angel's turn to flinch at her words.
Of all the things she could've told Spike, she had to say that? That not only opened dozens of old wounds that he specifically gave the young vampire but also opened up hidden insecurities he knew Spike still had in regards to his place in his relationship with Buffy.
"Buffy, how could you say something so cruel to him?" he asked, "That man loves you with all his unbeating heart. If you saw a memory of you two getting married, doesn't that at the very least tell you that he means more to you than just your ex-mortal enemy?"
She looked down on her lap and clenched her fist in frustration.
It does. The little voice in her head says.
She did think that Spike meant more to her than just a friend that she had fun hanging out with. At least, the Buffy with all her memories thought him special enough to marry. But she can't stop herself from thinking that it must've been a mistake or something because her current mind and heart still loved Angel.
Or at the very least, she was still in love with an Angel that she remembers 18 years ago.
But this was not that Angel.
This Angel was not the Angel that she fell in love with. This Angel was angry with her because of Spike, and while she doesn't blame him, because it was cruel of her to hurt that vampire that way, it still pained her to know that this Angel had indeed moved on from her.
What happened to him? What happened to us?
Day 68
After getting a talking to from Angel and Dawn and all her friends, she was finally convinced that she had to see Spike.
Or at the very least talk to him about her resurfacing memories.
She's been getting more and more of them lately. And a great majority of her memories were of Spike.
Doesn't that at the very least tell you that he means more to you than just your ex-mortal enemy? Angel's words echoed in her mind.
While she was now ready to admit that she had fallen out of love with this Angel, she was still hesitant to accept that she fell in love with Spike. This was mostly because her memories never show her scenes where she was in love with him.
Sure, she saw that she had sex with him. Hot, steamy, and delicious sex with him.
But the rest of her interaction with him in her memories were just so different from one another that she didn't know how she would take them.
In one memory, she was arguing with him about something stupid like what to order.
In another memory, she was laughing at something he said.
In a different one, she was fighting with him and calling him mean names.
In another, she was snuggling with him while they watched a movie of some sort.
All these memories were of the same vampire and it was truly hard for her to know how she felt about him other than that it wasn't love. And that was only because she still hasn't seen a memory that proved to her that she did love him.
But at the same time, she cannot deny that the Buffy with a complete memory cared about the vampire enough to have all these confusing memories about him.
They were always together.
That was the only way she could explain why she had so many memories of this vampire.
Or maybe your fractured mind is simply telling you that he means more to you than you realize, and it's showing these memories to prove a point to your stubborn brain. The treacherous voice in her head said.
Whatever the reason that her mind seemed to have on why it kept showing her only memories of Spike, the only way for her to clear these confusing memories is to ask the vampire himself.
Day 70
She was able to talk to Spike and it was not a walk in the park as she had initially thought
Seeing the vampire looking haggard and skinny like he barely ate anything other than booze, hit home for her.
The guilt she had been ignoring reared its ugly head at the poor state of the vampire. It was only then that she realized that she wasn't the only one having issues with losing her memories.
At least everyone was considerate of her loss.
She, on the other hand, never gave him the same consideration.
So she apologized to him and promised that she'd do better.
Spike at the time looked hesitant to accept her apology, but he accepted it nonetheless.
It was at that moment she realized that she should try harder to regain those lost memories.
At the very, she can finally ease the pain she always saw in the vampire's beautiful blue eyes.
That's the reason why she came here with him. To the house where she supposedly shared with the vampire.
The house hadn't had anyone living in it since this whole incident began.
The house that had dozens of memories of her and the vampire.
Their house.
When the two entered the small cottage, she was immediately assaulted by a myriad of images of the time she spent there. From when she first agreed to buy the quaint house from an old man, who used to work for the Council, to the times she spent trying to maintain the small garden in the front of the house. From the time she first used its kitchen to the times she tried to cook something there for a guest of two. And many other memories have appeared before her eyes.
Happy, sad, excitement, melancholy. So many emotions accompanied the memories but one thing was clear, she spent a lot of time here with someone she trusted and maybe loved.
"Buffy?" that person's voice resounded from beside her.
She turned to him and saw the worried look he directed her way. She finally came back to the present and saw that she was leaning on him heavily.
"Sorry," she said to him but didn't extract herself from his strong arms.
She realized that she loved the feeling of those arms wrapped around her, which was surprising for her.
It was the first time since the incident where she actually felt something positive about Spike that didn't make her feel guilty about betraying Angel.
That's progress right there.
He led her to a small comfy couch that she vividly remembered choosing, before leaving to where she was certain was the kitchen.
Moments later he returned with a glass of water. His face still sporting a worried expression.
"Thank you," she said softly as she placed the glass on the coffee table after taking a sip.
"Are you okay, Luv?" he asked her.
She smiled at him and responded, "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Because we can leave and take another ride to the hospital if you still feel dizzy."
It touched her that she would continue to risk driving under the deadly sun just to make sure she was alright.
That's my vampire. A stray thought resounded in her head.
"My vampire?" she whispered in surprise. Where did that thought come from?
"Buffy?" he asked, not quite certain if he heard her right. Did she just call him her vampire?
She merely shakes her head. Not willing to elaborate further or discuss the little slip of tongue she just had.
"So, I just got a couple of memories of this place," she suddenly said, changing the subject.
The vampire blinked. But respected her desires to not delve further on her little slip.
Instead, he stood up from the couch where he sat beside her and walked towards a cabinet on the corner that was littered with framed photos and albums that the couple accumulated over the years.
The vampire collected a few albums as well as a couple of framed pictures of special occasions that merited a place in the cabinet to be visible to guests and handed them to the amnesiac Slayer.
He stared at her nervously as she examined a framed photo of the two of them on their wedding day. He knew he shouldn't have included that photo because there was a chance it might set her off again. But he couldn't help himself.
He hoped against all hope that it might help her maybe a little bit to remember that she did love him and that she didn't regret choosing him instead of Angel.
"I gotta say, I looked good in this dress," she suddenly said, startling him.
She turned to face him and gave the most radiant smile he'd ever received since the incident.
"You looked good in the tux as well," she tells him, her smile not waning.
She then patted her side and asked him to sit so they can check the photos together.
Maybe all is not lost after all. He thought as he viewed the pictures together with her.
Day 91
It took a while but she was finally used to the idea that she was married to Spike.
They haven't done any couple-ly things yet but she wasn't as averse to the idea as she initially was.
Spike was funny, in a rude, snarky, and sarcastic way, which she already knew. But he was also sweet and more often than not, he always did small but special things that made her smile. Like bringing her the coffee she liked when she spent all day reviewing files on Slayers and where to assign them, a task that she was given so she can help with the cause while waiting for her memories to return. Or when he'd offer to massage her shoulders when she began to feel stiffness from sitting too long on her desk. Or when he'd let her have the last vamp during patrol because she wanted her spot of violence.
Small things but it made her happy because she knew that he was doing it because he wanted to make her smile.
She was beginning to see why Buffy with complete memories chose this vampire over Angel.
She wasn't certain if it was the soul or maybe because it was just how Spike was, but she can say for certain he was a very attentive and caring lover. Perfect for a Buffy, who's had a rough life with people leaving her left and right.
Yes, she has received a lot of memories of people leaving her.
But what she did notice was that Spike never left.
That was perfect for that Buffy.
And maybe for her.
"Penny for your thoughts?" the vampire asked bringing her out of her musing. She turned to face him and smiled as she accepted a plate of PB&J sandwiches from him.
"Nothing important. Just sorting through some memories," she tells him.
"Anything standing out?" he asks.
This was becoming a routine for them. She'd get a flashback and he'd try to explain what it was about or what actually happened in it. It helped fill in the blanks of her fractured memories and provide her a bit of an idea on what has happened in her life.
"Nothing in particular," she answers, as she took one sandwich.
"Well, let me know if you have questions," he says as he sits down on his own desk and starts checking his files and workload.
She once asked him what he did on his side of their shared office and he told her that aside from training the Slayerettes he also did some translation of ancient texts for the Council. Apparently, they were short on Watchers who could read demonic languages because of what happened to the old Council, who got blown up by the First Evil.
It was weird seeing someone like Spike reading through stacks of paperwork and Ancient texts and books, but at the same time, she was amazed at how capable he was in his work. She's heard some of the other Watchers praise the vampire for being able to translate texts that were practically impossible to translate because they were written in an unfamiliar demonic language.
She always felt happy when she hears such words regarding the vamp.
Huh. I'm proud of him. A new emotion that she never expected to feel for her once mortal enemy.
Day 105
A confusing memory popped in her head as she drank hot cocoa that the vampire made for her while they were lodging in Dawn and Willow's apartment.
"Did we ever fight in broad daylight?" she asked him.
He looked confused at first but immediately understood that she just got a new memory.
"Yeah. It was back when you were in college," he answered.'
"Huh. How did you fight me under the sun? I thought sunlight and vampire were unmixy."
He merely smiled at this, finding amusement at this new memory, before explaining to her about the Gem of Amara and its special properties.
"And what happened to it? I mean, I know I was able to take it from you. But what did I do with it?"
"You gave it to Angel," he answered.
"Does he still have it?" she asked, looking really excited.
"No," he answered giving her a confused look.
"Oh. Why? Did he lose it?"
"No, more like he destroyed it," was the vampire's response.
"What?! But why?" she cried, not believing that such a rare item was destroyed voluntarily by someone who could do so much good with it.
Spike merely shrugged. "You have to ask Captain Forehead about it. I never did get his flimsy excuse of destroying that thing when it could've done so much good in the world."
"Yeah, knowing him, it would probably be something noble like wanting to rid the world of the possibility of the gem being used for evil things," she said, still looking disappointed that the gem was destroyed.
The vampire could no longer hold his curiosity. He's never seen her be interested in any rare items or such before. Heck, she didn't even seem all too interested in the Scythe, which was like the Slayer's version of Excalibur.
So he asked her what made the Gem special to earn such a reaction from her.
"I thought it would be cool to use the gem so you can take me sightseeing in daylight," she answered before taking a sip of her cocoa.
If he was alive, he knew his heart would have skipped a beat with that declaration.
She wanted to give me the Gem so we can go out together!
Day 123
She was panicking!
She checked her closet again for the hundredth time but she still couldn't decide on what to wear for the night.
How is it that she had a good-paying job but she didn't have good clothes to wear for a date?
She turned to her sister, who was sitting on her bed and was busy laughing at her plight.
"Dammit, Dawn! If you're not going to help me, then get the hell out of my room!" She tells her.
This merely earned another bout of giggles from the younger woman.
Frustrated, she threw a jacket at the laughing spawn of satan on her bed.
God! I can't believe I'm related to this tall demon! She thought as she glared at her sister.
"Okay, okay! No need to get violent," her sister said, before standing up and walking towards her closet.
The younger Summers started checking her sister's collection of clothes.
"You know, this is Spike we're talking about here, right? You can wear rags, and he'll still think you're the most beautiful woman in the room," her sister tells her.
While she didn't doubt that, she still felt the need to look nice for him.
This will be the first time since the accident that we'll go out and do something married couples normally do. This had to be perfect. She thought.
"Okay, there may be a bit of a shortage of good date material clothes in your closet," Dawn finally announced.
She groaned and laid on her bed in defeat.
"I knew it!" she cried.
"Maybe we can go buy something for you?" her sister suggested.
Like she still had time to buy new clothes!
It was already 4 PM and Spike was picking her up at seven. She didn't have time to go to the store to buy new clothes!
Why didn't she took a day off from work to get ready for this date like Dawn suggested?!
"Buffy! I have a perfect dress for you!" Willow, her best friend, announced as she entered her room.
She immediately stood up and turned to the redhead and the dress she held in her hand.
"Oh my god! Willow, you're a lifesaver!:" She tells her as she examined the black sleeveless skater dress that her friend brought her. It was simple but elegant and it looked comfortable too!
A perfect dress for her date with Spike!
"And the best part of this dress is that it has pockets so you have somewhere to put your stake, just in case you guys decide to patrol after your date!" her friend added.
It was perfect.
Nightime on the same day.
A knock was heard from the door by the residents of the Summers-Rosenberg apartment. The younger Summers answered.
"Wow, look at you!" she said to their visitor.
"Please don't start, Bit," he tells the girl, who he sees as his little sister.
He was too nervous to handle being teased by a Summers woman.
"Relax, Spike. It's not like this is your first time going out on a date with my sister."
"It may not be my first time dating her but this will be like a first date for her since she doesn't remember how our original first date went," he said.
"Well, just do what you did on your first date and I'm sure it'll be fine," was the young woman's suggestion.
This earned her another glare from the vampire.
"The first time I took her out on a date, she practically denied my ability to love and compared me to a serial killer in prison."
"Oookay, then don't do what you did on that date and instead do what you normally do on any other dates you've had with her since you two got married."
He would've argued with her some more and inform her that since they got married, he and Buffy stopped going out on dates and because they were too busy with Council work but stopped himself at the voice that came from behind Dawn.
"Is that Spike?"
"Yeah, he's here!" Dawn answered and opened the door wider to allow him to see his wife.
Heaven above, she was beautiful. He thought as he stared at the goddess in front of him.
She wore a simple black dress underneath a red leather blazer and nice ankle-length heeled boots. She put on some light make-up, which he always thought she didn't need and gave her hair a light curl to give out a wavy look.
"You clean up nice," she tells him, pulling him out of his reverie.
"You look gorgeous," he responds, not holding back on his compliment.
She gives him a shy look, before thanking him and he felt his undead heart melt at the sight.
Gods, she's still so adorable!
After that short exchange, they bid the Bit goodnight and went on their merry way.
Day 137
After that successful first date, she was more open to doing couple-ly things with Spike, like holding hands and hugging each other to say hello and goodbye, and sometimes, on the rarest occasion, they exchanged kisses on the lips.
Overall, she was beginning to see why the complete memories Buffy was open to the idea of marrying Spike. He was a man who made her laugh, protected her, respected her boundaries, trusted her judgment, and showered her with compliments. He made her happy and as a Slayer, who from the start was given an expiration date, that would be most appealing for her.
Did she love him?
She still wasn't certain. None of the memories that she got from her past ever showed her that she said I love you to the vampire.
Not even on their wedding day.
You're in my heart. Were the words she gave him as they exchanged their vows.
And she can attest that those words are true even to her. He had indeed wormed his way into her heart and she was beginning to think that it was how her other self felt for the vampire.
He was in her heart.
It wasn't love, like how it felt with Angel, but it was deeper because he held a large space in her heart and she was certain she didn't want him to leave there.
Day 144
A new memory came back to her and it was the worst she had so far.
She had died and gone to heaven.
She was already informed by Spike and her friends that it had happened. But she hadn't really put much thought into the gravity of her resurrection. She just hadn't understood why it would've affected her.
That was because she didn't remember heaven until now.
She was crying and curled into a ball inside her office, alone and grieving the loss of her Eternal Peace.
Why did they bring me back?
She didn't know. Maybe it was a combination of the grief from her death, coupled with arrogance and hubris. But it didn't matter, she was here now and what she did know was that she missed heaven and everything it gave her.
"Buffy!" her vampire's voice penetrated through her grieving mind.
"What's wrong, pet? What did you see?" he asked the distraught woman.
"Heaven…" was all he heard but it was enough for him to understand what his lady was going through.
"What do I do? Tell me what you want me to do, Buffy?" he whispers, a hand rubbing her back comfortingly.
"Take me home," she responds.
He nods. "I'll ask Dawn for the keys to her place," he says before he attempts to stand up.
A hand stops him.
He turns to face his love.
"Take me home, Spike," she repeats, this time with a look in her eyes that begged him to understand her without having to explain.
For a second he froze at this. Did she mean-
"I want to go home," she repeats for the third and last time.
There was no question this time. He merely picks her up in his arms and carries her home.
To their home.
Day 146
The next couple of days were hell for her. She was either crying or staring off into space. Memories of heaven weighed down on her poor battered soul. The memories of her resurrection made it worse.
Her only solace in these dark times was Spike.
The ever-constant in her life.
These two days, he never left her side and did everything in his power to help her any way he could. He kept her fed, and helped her get clean, made sure she was comfortable in their bed, and stayed with her when she cried.
He was her savior.
Now, if only she could find the strength to tell him how much it meant what he was doing for her. But she was still too focused on her own loss to even give him any words of appreciation.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Someone was calling their phone. Must be Dawn and the others asking for an update.
She watched the vampire leave their room to pick up the phone in the living room.
"Hello?" she heard him answer, "Bit? What's wrong?"
She didn't hear Dawn on the other line, but the door to their room was open and it was a small house, so she could hear her vampire's one-sided conversation.
"They're what?!- No! I can't leave! She still not doing well, Dawn.- I know it's important and I understand lives are at stake, but there has to be someone else who can lead- I get that, but you have to understand that Buffy needs me. - That's not fair, Bit. - Fine. But I need someone to come here and look after her for me. - Not a mini Slayer! Bring someone who knows her from Sunnydale. Hell, bring Peaches for all I care. Just get someone who has an idea what's going on with her, so they won't judge her. Please, Dawn, do this for me."
The conversation ended and she sees that her vampire has reentered the room.
"Did something happen?" she asks him.
"Nothing to concern that pretty little head of yours, Luv," he tells her.
She frowns at this. "Spike, tell me what's happening?" she said in a serious tone that he hasn't heard from her these past two days.
He relents and tells her about the call he received.
"So it's another apocalypse and I'm not invited?" she asked, sounding indignant.
"You know you'd be first in line for these things, pet. But you're still not in your top game, so we thought you should skip this one out," he explains.
She glared at him, before moving to stand up from her bed to get dress.
"Buffy!" he cries, knowing exactly what his Slayer was planning.
But she ignored him and went straight to their closet to look for something to wear.
"Buffy, please listen to me," he tries again, "You don't need to come, Luv. There are hundreds of Slayers now, so you don't have to help in this one."
She turned to face him. A furious look in her eyes. "Hundreds of Slayers, huh? And yet, they still call you, a vampire, to join and lead the fight? What does that exactly tell me?!"
"That we have enough hands on deck and you don't have to lift a finger in this one!"
"I am the Slayer, Spike! Do you really think I would just allow someone else to take my job, while I sit back at home safe and away from all this? I thought you knew me better than that!" she yelled, getting angry by the minute at the presumptuous vampire.
"I do know you!" he yells back, "First of all, this isn't just about letting someone take your job! I know for a fact that you are the best bloody Slayer in all of history and you don't want to be benched on a fight that you know you could do something to help."
"If you know I could help then why are we still arguing over this when we should both start getting ready to leave!"
"Because I know that you're still not in the best state of mind to face this apocalypse!"
"What?"
"Buffy, up until now, you have been distressed over the loss of heaven. I could barely get you to eat. You're not at your best, and if you come in this apocalypse, I'd be too worried about you." he explains
"You know I can still fight even in a weakened or injured state," she argues.
"I know, pet, and you'd still come up on top in those situations. But I'm not worried about you because you don't eat or because you're weak. I'm worried because you are still reeling from gaining the memories of losing heaven. I don't want you to fight this battle when I know for a fact that you are missing that place-" he choked on the last words.
But it was enough for Buffy to understand what he meant. She attended his lectures on the reason why Slayers die young, so she understood why he was hesitant to let her come with him.
"Please, Luv, just this once, stay here and stay safe," he says, embracing her like she was his lifeline.
Maybe she was.
He'd lost her twice now. Once to death and then to the loss of her memory. So she can understand why he'd be afraid to lose her again.
She felt wetness on her shoulder and tensed.
He's crying.
A twinge in her heart and she knew she lost this fight with him.
She'll do what he asked and stay at home while he fought the forces of whatever Big Bad will send in this apocalypse because this is the least she can do for him, who has done so much for her.
Day 147
She was worried. It was already close to 24 hours and her vampire hasn't come home yet. Add the fact that Andrew, the annoying wannabe Watcher who they sent to look after her, was useless in getting information from on what was happening to the group they sent to stop this year's apocalypse. She was not happy at all.
She tried calling Dawn, but she hadn't answered her phone.
In fact, none of her friends were answering their phones.
What's the point of cellphones when people can't be contacted when there's an actual emergency. She thought angrily.
"Hey, Bufferony! I made us pizza for lunch! I'm sure you're hungry since you didn't have breakfast earlier!" the annoying little turd said entering her room without her permission.
Buffy glared at him but was ignored as he handed her a plate.
"Bon appetit," the little nerd said, before wolfing down his pizza.
A few moments later, he noticed that his charge wasn't eating. "Shumthing wung?" he asked, still chewing his food.
"Andrew, don't talk with your mouth full," she tells him in disgust.
The young man swallowed before repeating his question.
"Spike didn't come home," she answered.
The young man nodded in understanding. "Ahh, I see. Worries about love ones are understandable," the man states using some sort of sage voice impression.
This only sets to infuriate her even more.
"At least we made sure to not give him any of amulets this time around," Andrew commented in a joking manner. But she froze at this statement.
All of a sudden memories of what happened in her fight with the First Evil appeared before her eyes.
I can feel it, Buffy.
What?
My soul. It's really there. Kind of stings.
Go on, then.
No. No, you've done enough. You could still—
No, you've beat them back. It's for me to do the cleanup. Gotta move, lamb. I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer.
Spike!
I mean it! I gotta do this.
I love you.
No, you don't. But thanks for saying it. I wanna see how it ends.
She dropped the plate of pizza, surprising Andrew, before clutching her stomach and curling up as she began to cry.
She thought losing heaven was the worst thing she had ever experienced. But nothing compared to how she felt when she realized she lost him permanently
It felt like her heart was ripped into a million pieces.
She remembered feeling so much pride in what he was able to do for all of them.
He saved the world after all.
But nighttime came on that horrible day and as she crawled into her bed, she realized that he was no longer there for her.
Like many before him, he left her.
What was worse was that he left not believing that she loved him.
It was no wonder she never said it to him again in any of her memories. She was afraid of those words. She was afraid that she'd lose him again if she tried telling him that she loved him again.
So she never said it to him.
But now that she remembers the feeling of losing him and knows that it was a feeling worse than losing heaven, she doesn't want to hesitate anymore.
I love you, Buffy Anne Summers. Those were his words to her on his vow at their wedding.
And he never failed to tell her that every day since. At least every day before the accident.
She hurt him so much when she lost her memories.
She regrets that now more than ever.
She doesn't have all her memories, yet. But that didn't matter anymore, because the important ones she did remember.
I love him!
She was breathing heavily as she finally came back to the present, and her mind made a singular focus.
And I have to tell him.
She left her bed and went to the closet before pulling out a large coat.
"Ah, Buffy?" Andrew called, looking both worried and confused.
"Andrew, you are driving me to the Council," she tells him.
"What?! No! I promise Mr. Giles, Dawn, and Spike that I will keep you here!"
The look she gave him was truly murderous after hearing those words from him.
"Andrew, I swear that if you don't take me to the Council I will end you and no one will find your body," she threatened.
The young man gulped in fear.
Later, at the Council HQ
Buffy walked into the building with purpose. She wasn't certain where she would find him or the others for the matter but she did know where Giles would normally be and once she found him, she was certain he would help her find her wayward vampire.
She went straight to his office on the 2nd floor of the Council's building.
She didn't knock and simply entered the room, much to the surprise of the occupants inside.
"Buffy! What are you doing here?" Giles asked, just as startled as the rest of the occupants in the room.
"Where's Spike?" she asked. She had a goal and she wasn't going to be swayed from it, lest she changes her mind again about telling him what she wanted to say to him.
The room's atmosphere suddenly becomes heavy and the Slayer felt her heart drop as she noticed the grim expressions of the men in the room.
"Did something happen to him?" she asked with a trembling voice.
"Oh, my dear, I'm so sorry. We were going to call you," Giles tells her.
Buffy takes a step back, not wanting to hear what else he had to say.
She was too late.
Suddenly the door behind her opens and a familiar voice call out to her.
"Buffy? What the bloody hell are you doing here?!"
Her whole body whips in the direction of his voice and she nearly cried after seeing his battered appearance.
He's alive.
"You promised me that you'd stay at home and leave this apocalypse to us. But I'm guessing you couldn't stop yourself because you're too damn noble for your own good," the vampire ranted, not noticing that the young woman in front was still reeling from the idea that he was dead.
She didn't know why Giles made her think something happened to her vampire. But she was too happy to see him alive and undusty to question the old man.
"All I asked was for one apocalypse where you let the newbies handle it and maybe take it easy on yourself, but no!" he was still going at him.
"Spike," she whispers.
"Should've known you'd go back on your word. You never could hold yourself when-"
"Spike," she calls to him a bit louder and this time she finally caught his attention.
He smells her tears and tilts his head in confusion.
"Buffy? You okay, pet?" he suddenly asks.
The Slayer didn't answer and merely rushed into him, embracing him with all her might.
He felt some wetness on his shirt and immediately knew that something must've happened to spook his Slayer. He turned to the rest of the occupants in the room and signaled them to leave.
Giles, understanding that the couple needed privacy for whatever it was that was bothering his Slayer, assisted in ushering the other Watchers out of his office.
It didn't take long and the two were the only ones left in the room.
She was still hugging him and was refusing to let go. The vampire merely allowed her to hold onto him. Opting to rub the small of her back comfortingly as she cried harder on his chest.
"There, there, old Spike's got you," he whispered.
It took her a while but she finally ran out of tears and slowly moved away from his arms.
Her eyes were all puffy and red from crying, but she still looked beautiful to him. He raised a hand to brush a strand of her hair away from her face, before moving to cup her cheek.
"You mind telling me what happened?" he asked gently. His beautiful blue eyes stared down at her with such care and love.
She swallowed the lump on her throat and tried to will back another batch of her tears that were threatening to surface.
"Buffy, tell me what's wrong? How can I help?" he asked, looking concerned about her odd behavior.
"You died," she whispered, and had it not been for his enhanced hearing, he would've missed it.
Understanding came into him again and this time it was his turn to take her into his arms.
The second wave of tears that she was holding rushed out immediately as soon as she felt those strong arms wrap around her.
"I'm here, Luv. Spike's not leaving you, darling."
"But you did," she said in between sobs. "You died and left and I was so alone and it was the worst feeling ever. Worse than losing heaven."
He tensed at this. This was the first time she ever admitted that she missed him all those months he was either dead or living in LA with Angel.
Worse than losing heaven.
His girl just admitted that losing him hurt her more than losing her eternal rest. He didn't know whether to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness or jump for joy and scream his delight to the whole world.
"I love you," he heard her say and froze upon hearing it.
Did she just-
He looks down on her and sees the same love in her eyes that she used to direct at him before this whole memory loss thing happened.
Add the fact that she finally said-
"I love you, Spike," she repeats with more conviction.
"Buffy."
"I should've said it sooner. But I was scared and I thought actions spoke louder than words, so I tried to show you that I loved you without having to say it. But I'm not afraid anymore. I just wanted you to know because I don't want a repeat of what happened at Sunnydale, where you didn't believe me. Please believe me! I do love you!"
The next thing she knew he was kissing her.
She loved him!
Day 148
Buffy woke up to the aroma of delicious bacon coming from their kitchen. She lazily stretched her sleeping muscles and flinched at the sudden pain that jolted from her lower region.
Ow. Looks like we overdid it last night. She thought as she assessed how sore she was, but smiled as she remembered the long and lovely night she had with her husband.
It had been too long.
It was the long-awaited reunion they didn't know they were waiting for. After leaving the Council, she and Spike spent the evening catching up on each other in terms of intimacy.
It's been too long indeed.
She remembers how needy she was and how attentive and enthusiastic her lover was and she didn't blame him for it one bit.
They made love several times and more, trying to make up for the time they lost.
It was amazing.
She heard her stomach growl and it was then that she slowly crawled out of bed to join her man in the kitchen for breakfast because it has been too long since she did that with him as well.
She picked up one of his shirts and wore it before walking to the kitchen barefooted to meet up with him.
"Morning," she greeted the vampire, who was setting a couple of sunny-side-up eggs in a plater.
Her vampire smiled as he handed her a cup of coffee. "Morning, pet. Did you sleep alright?" he asked with a knowing look.
She simply smirked at him. "You know I did after the night we had. I'm still a little sore though."
"Sorry, Luv, Would've taken things slow had you said so," he tells her, sounding a bit contrite.
"Don't be, I'm not complaining," she says, with a leer that merely earned her a laugh from the vampire.
It was cute when she tried to be seductive in the morning.
He settled a plate of toast, bacon, and eggs in front of her, before sitting down on the vacant chair beside her with a cup of O neg.
The two had their breakfast in comfortable silence.
"I missed this," she suddenly says.
The vampire turned to her and gave a questioning look, urging her to elaborate.
"I mean, losing my memory sucked because I didn't have any of this for months, and I still feel bad about how I treated you," she explained.
"It wasn't your fault, pet. You sort of went on a reset and turned back to your wonderful bitchy self on yours truly."
"Still, I'm sorry. I promise to make it up to you." This got a smile from her husband.
Oh, he will be collecting on that promise in the near future.
The vampire then looks contemplative as he observed his woman. "You sound as if you no longer have amnesia."
She shrugged at this statement. "I think I still have a few gaps in my memory, but I remember the important things, so I'm no longer worried about it."
"Important things?" he asked, smiling while raising an eyebrow.
Buffy laughed, knowing he was merely fishing for compliments. So she humors him and cups his cheek.
"You. I remember you, silly. So, the rest doesn't matter anymore."
"And I really am glad that you did," he said before closing in to kiss her.
"I missed you," he says as they parted.
"I know. But I came back to you."
"Yeah, one hundred and forty-seven days later, just like before," he said, smiling.
"I guess that's my thing," she quipped, before kissing him again.
THE END
(O.O)
I had planned to put this up sooner, but I kind of changed the ending since you guys would've been subjected to my crappy attempt on a sex scene in the original. I hope I did alright in this fic. Thanks again for reading and please leave a review because they totally make my day!
