A/N: I will come back to Angela and Alicia discussing Eli's revelation and its consequences. I am halfway through a Will/Alicia chapter, so that will come next.
A/N: I realised it was the two-year anniversary so wanted to put something together as to how the women were coping. It is only short, as I wrote it quickly, so I might extend it to a P2.
Overarching theme: Save Tonight (Eagle-Eye Cherry) (this is a song I relate to in future chapters and associate with the last time Angela saw Will).
Chicago, March 2016
The Great Pretender (The Platters) - Angela
Angela's cell phone buzzed alerting her to a new text message. She turned towards her nightstand to grab the device, sighing loudly at the dawn of a new day. It was a date she had dreaded for the past two years, although most mornings she woke up feeling the same sense of emptiness, but today, today it was worse. Looking at the message she sat up:
Alicia: Morning. I hope you don't mind me getting in touch so early. I wondered if you had time for a drink tonight? Could use a friend.
She closed her eyes, let her head fall back against the headboard and tapped the phone against her chin, breathing deeply. She smiled at the memory that Will often posed in the same way. 'Guess it wouldn't hurt,' she said to herself.
Angela: Hi, hope you are OK. I am out for dinner but come by my place about 9.
Alicia: Thanks, see you later.
Angela: Try not to be too maudlin today, remember he loved you.
After pressing send the final time, she thought, 'Try some of your own advice lady,' and flung back the blankets to get out of bed. As she put her slippers on she kissed her hand and blew a kiss to the picture of Will by her bed: 'My darling, my dream, my boat,' she said reaching for her robe.
Angela felt like she had been sleepwalking through the morning, she didn't remember making coffee, drinking it or even checking her mail. She looked at the clock: 11:03am. How had it got so late? She sighed and got up from the counter to tip the remains of her coffee into the sink. Pausing she laughed at how she and Will kept the kitchen – total disorder according to his sister Sara. But hey, she had her own problems; she had a ten year old and a husband who was an idiot. She was pulled out of her reminiscences by the sound of the doorbell.
Opening the door, she smiled, "Morning," at the delivery boy. "Dr Austen?" he asked. She nodded and he proffered a tablet for her to sign, or in her case, scrawl an attempt at a signature. "Thanks," she said taking the plant from him.
"Bye ma'am."
"Bye," she said and slowly closed the door. Putting the pot down on the kitchen counter, she pulled the card from its envelope and smiled as she read the greeting. She was reminded of Will warning a friend of his when he wanted to date her:
"I'll tell you three things about my friend. One, she dislikes cut flowers, two, in the morning she likes strong coffee and good muesli, hates granola," he said cutting his hand through the air, "and three, if you hurt her, I will come after you."
She unfastened the cellophane to reveal the true beauty of the orchid and smiled. Tossing the wrapping in the trash she walked towards her bedroom to take a shower.
Ten minutes later she was rinsing her hair when a pain gripped her, a pain that although not physical hurt so much and caused her to fall to the floor of the shower. As the water tumbled down on her, she gripped her knees and rocked back and forth, "Will, why did you have to leave me?" she screamed as her hot tears mingled with the flowing water.
…...
Only You Can Love Me This Way (Keith Urban) - Alicia
Alicia woke to light streaming into her bedroom and, groaning, turned over to bury her face between the pillows. She wasn't ready to face the day. Today was two years since Will had died. Two years since her world, and her heart, had been shattered. A lot had happened in that time, some good, some bad and she felt that it would have been very different had William Paul Gardner still been walking in Chicago.
She lay there for what seemed like forever before sneaking a peak at the time: 6:48am. She sighed and grabbed her cell. Checking her messages she couldn't get Will out of her head and his face from in front of her eyes. She smiled at the memory of him walking down the corridors of Lockhart Gardner, one hand in his pocket, the other working his cell, a boyish grin on his face. Then her mind went to him pleasuring her, the touch of his hands over her naked body, him inside her, the taste, the smell of him… She threw herself back on the bed and groaned loudly. Too loudly it transpired as she heard Grace shout, "Mom, are you OK?"
"Yes, Gracie, I'm fine, just remembering something," she replied.
"OK, I made coffee."
"Thanks honey."
Alicia sat up and made a decision. Her thumbs moved swiftly over the phone as she sent a hopeful text.
….
Thank You For Being A Friend (Andrew Gold) - Diane
"Hey," Kurt said softly as he sat down on the bed next to Diane, stroking her golden hair until she opened her eyes. Man, she was beautiful, even first thing in the morning; he was a lucky man. Diane smiled up at her husband, "Morning."
"Coffee for you," Kurt nodded at the mug he had placed on the nightstand, "when you're ready I'll make breakfast."
Diane sat up and placed her hand on top of her husband's lap, "Thank you," she said quietly.
Kurt turned his hand over so that he was holding Diane's elegant digits in his and squeezed it gently, "I know today will be difficult, so I want to make it was easy as I can for you." Diane leant forward and placed a kiss on Kurt's lips. She pulled back to see the surprise on his face, "Don't start something you can't finish," he warned her. Diane threw her head back and laughed heartily, she could always rely on her husband to pull her out of even the darkest gloom, "Later cowboy," she winked.
She sipped her coffee and gazed at her husband who now stood in the doorway to their bedroom. "Will brought us together," she said to him, "he gave me a new ballistics expert and ultimately he gave me a husband."
"And for that I will be forever grateful," he replied meeting her eyes.
….
Later that evening, Kurt put the finishing touches to dinner as Diane readied herself upstairs.
Diane sat at her dressing table and closed her eyes. It was the first time she had had time to herself that day. She had been busy, something for which she was incredibly grateful, had managed to avoid court and had spoken to Alicia. The two women had talked and smiled about Will and his presence in their lives. She was pleased Alicia was back 'home' although their relationship was still not quite what it had been, but it was getting there. She felt that introducing Alicia to Angela had helped the frostiness to thaw and had certainly brought a little closure to Alicia. She was unsure of the effect on Angela. She was more of a maverick – David Lee called her an Amazon – and so much like Will in temperament and action that she held her emotions close. Tonight she would dine with her husband, her best friend and his daughter. They would remember Will and they would, as far as possible, celebrate.
She fastened a pearl choker around her neck as Kurt shouted up to her, "Dave and Angie are here." She took a deep breath and replied, "Be right down."
…..
Angela returned from dinner with Diane to find Alicia sitting in the hallway outside her apartment. Alicia stood up and Angela moved to embrace her. The two women stood in silence, a moment in time that Will Gardner fought hard to avoid.
….
Alicia took a drink from her wine and began, "The last time I saw Will was the day before. We were at the courthouse and I warned him that the Grants had asked me for a second opinion on Jeffrey's trial." Angela nodded, "He told me."
"He thanked me for the insight then I told him he was the better lawyer," Alicia continued.
"Oh, he loved that, always the Hot Shot!" Angela joked.
Alicia chuckled, "The last time we spoke was good," she nodded and gave a weak smile, "it was good, we parted on friendly terms," she paused to wipe her nose and compose herself. "I am grateful for that."
"I am pleased," Angela added, genuinely happy that Alicia and Will's feud had ended.
"Will called me the morning he died. He rang at 11:32am, just minutes before he was shot," Alicia swallowed hard and felt tears welling in her eyes, "but he was interrupted by the judge…"
Will: "Alicia,"
Judge Politi: "Mr. Gardner. Are we about ready here?"
Will: "Hold on, Your Honor. I'll call you back."
"He didn't finish his sentence, he was unable to tell me what he wanted to. I wanted to know, I. Needed. To. Know," she said, almost begging and moving closer to Angela.
"I searched for the answer. I asked Diane, she didn't know but she did say that he was moving fast on many fronts and that I shouldn't blame myself." Angela nodded; she was aware of the conversation between Diane and Alicia but didn't want to let on that she knew of their discussion.
"I, I, asked Finn Polmar, if he knew what Will wanted to say to me. I asked Judge Politi, but nothing. I felt so empty. I felt like I was missing a vital piece of the jigsaw, almost like a piece of my heart was missing and the hole wouldn't be closed until I found out what he had planned to say. I tortured myself. I was a wreck. Over time, I played scenarios through in my head and finally found some peace in not knowing."
Angela refilled Alicia's glass. "I can't imagine what you are going through, as our parting was very different," she offered.
"You were close to him, you spent his last night on earth together. Do you know what he was calling to say?" Alicia realised she was clutching at straws, but it was a question she had wanted to ask ever since she found out about Angela and their closeness.
"Honestly," she paused, "no, I don't. I could guess, but it would be just that, a guess. I don't want to get your hopes up over something you long to hear or make you feel worse by denying an anticipated declaration. Sadly, you will never know."
Alicia sighed and sat dejectedly staring at her wine. "You were my last hope," she finally said before taking a sip of the burgundy liquid.
"We all have things we wish we had done, words we long to have said, hell, I have conversations with him – in my head and out loud – so it is not just you that has unfinished business with Will. It is an aspect of sudden, tragic death that we have to cope with. It's not fun and it's not pretty but it happens all the time. People learn to get by knowing that they should or could have done something. Fate intervenes in the most horrific way in many people's lives. Some are lucky to evade it. We are not."
"Do you think love ever dies?" Alicia asked suddenly.
"No, it fades, but it's still there. I think there is even a musical about that," she chuckled and took another swig of her bourbon aware she had had more than enough but realised that she needed to keep drinking to dull the pain. "My Dad is still very much in love with my Mom even though he has been a widower for the majority of his life. He has had the odd girlfriend, but nobody serious. He always says he married the best girl and kept her memory close."
Alicia smiled, "True love. I wish my love life could have been as smooth. One girl for one guy."
…
"One of my greatest fears of working in medicine is having to treat a friend or relative, I don't think I could cope and would certainly have to step out of treating them."
"I understand entirely," Alicia nodded in agreement.
"Will once promised me that I would never have to see him come into my ER," she took a deep breath, "he kept his promise but not in the way either of us expected." She rubbed her eyes before continuing, "I am grateful that I wasn't there as I don't know what I would have done," her voice tailed off. She took a drink of her bourbon, emptying the glass. "It was," she paused, "I don't know," she searched for words, "serendipity," she added waving her glass in the air, "that I wasn't there. Will made sure I wasn't at work, he took me to the airport that morning," she smiled remembering their last moments together. Alicia bit her bottom lip and sipped her wine.
Angela continued, "I didn't get to see him. I didn't get to say goodbye. I'll never forgive myself for that, for not being here when he needed me. We thought we would grow old together," she drifted off, putting her glass on the coffee table and moving swiftly towards the piano. Sitting down she exposed the keys and began to play a delicate version of Disco 2000, "we managed best part of two decades and I will always be thankful for that. We changed each other's lives, moved cross country together, had amazing sex, sorry," she offered to Alicia, who smiled back at her, "and deserved to have many more years together."
"Will used to mockingly tell people that we had to move to Chicago as I had dated all the cops in Baltimore!" Alicia laughed with her friend. "He used to say that cops were my 'go to guys' and, to be honest, I've had my fair share of professions, but Police certainly predominate. Only had one lawyer though," she added softly.
"Wow, you really were the female Will! Hardly ever without a date, huh? Do they keep popping up out of the blue like his did?"
She laughed, "Not so much. Some do - those that became real friends. Actually, one of my exes, a cop from Baltimore, Tony his name is," she paused, "he works for NCIS now, sent me that plant this morning," she smiled remembering her former lover.
…
Alicia wanted to get more off her chest, she wanted to share memories with Angela, but she was still searching for answers: answers that would probably never come. "The last thing Will said directly to me was, "I am, aren't I?" and he laughed as I told him jokingly he was so humble. Not exactly Rossetti," she chuckled, "but at least we weren't fighting. We were coming out of the other side."
Angela nodded at her friend. "I'm lucky in that our last conversation was a farewell. A goodbye before a hiatus," she sighed, "nobody was expecting a final goodbye," a tear rolled down her face and she brushed it away with the back of her hand. "He drove me to the airport and our last few sentences together were by the trunk of his car as he got my bags out. We embraced and kissed, and then he said, "Happy Birthday Ange," as we parted and I walked towards the terminal. As I turned round to wave, he shouted, "Love you Janie," and I replied, "Love you too Hot Shot," and that was the last time we spoke. It was the last time I saw him. It is probably how everybody would hope their last meeting with their best friend would be." Angela turned away from Alicia and refilled her glass.
"Will died on your birthday?" Alicia asked in a sorrowful tone that brought tears to both women's eyes.
A/N: Again, sorry it is curtailed. Please review and let me know what you think.
