Happy swallowed hard and she let go of Toby's hand. "I let Paige take pictures and video of me."
Toby's eyes went wide as his head turned to look at her. "Excuse me?"
Dr. Rizzuto held his hand out. "Calm down Dr. Curtis. I can understand why you withheld that Happy. Did you want her to delete them and she wouldn't?"
Happy shook her head. "She was going to delete them but I chose to break from my submissive side, that one time, with her over it and demanded she keep them."
Toby tried but couldn't contain himself as he jumped up and spun around. "Are you kidding me with this Happy?"
"Dr. Curtis! I will not tell you again. Sit down, now, and behave." Since Dr. Rizzuto had stood up and with his towering height seeming to dwarf Toby, Toby quickly sat back down.
Dr. Rizzuto sat back down. "Happy, would you like to change positions to feel safer?"
Happy shook her head even as she seemed to be shaking.
He pointed at Toby in warning. "Very well, can you elaborate on that? Why you chose to defy the dominant/submissive role you were experiencing with her to keep her from deleting the material?"
"Because, I have an eidetic memory, I'll remember every moment I shared with Paige for most of my life, most likely. Her memory will degrade over time. She might get moments of clarity from time to time but mostly it will end up being words and grey images that age badly. And I was so happy with that side of her and I, I wanted her to be able to recall it like I can. And I trust her not to abuse me or my trust." She looked at Toby. "I know you aren't happy about that Toby, but this is a deal breaker for me. If it is too much for you, I understand. But I need you to understand, just how much both of you mean to me and are so important to who I am. Through both of you I feel complete for once in my life, it is the only way I can describe it. I hope you can understand that."
Toby slowly looked over at her. "I don't like it Happy, I can't pretend I do, but as long as you are okay with me not liking that then we can both accept it and continue on. Now that your other side has manifested I can understand why it is important to you. And your reasoning about letting her keep the footage is understandable too."
Dr. Rizzuto looked at Toby. "That was very sensitive, brave and caring of you. I'm going to guess you had figured Happy was most likely bisexual too then."
Toby nodded as he watched Happy reach over and thread her fingers in between his again.
Dr. Rizzuto nodded. "Alright, we're making some good progress now. But I have to ask you something Toby. As you told me about what happened after you found out about Happy and Paige something seemed to be left out of your story too."
Toby looked at him. "Walter blabbed about that too huh?"
"You know Toby you might not believe I could pick up on markers in your body and behavior since you have such a low opinion on how I obtained my certification, but I can. I also know why you have such an, animosity, almost about Walter before this happened but Walter didn't tell me anything. He wouldn't tell me anything beyond that Paige had wanted me to be sure I looked for any signs of abuse on your part against Happy. And Paige only described what happened between her and Happy starting with their spa day, including Walter's involvement."
"You were only referenced in the context that Walter wanted them to talk with you before they went any further in their relationship. She also spoke of Walter's guilty feelings of betraying you, someone he has always considered as a friend and family. She spoke of her own guilt for taking things as far as she did." Dr. Rizzuto told him.
"It still didn't stop her though did it?" Toby said with a bit more snark than he probably meant.
"No, it didn't. But as Happy made it abundantly clear to both of us, it was something she wanted as much as Paige did. So you've got to decide here. I feel like we're back at the pedestal again. You are putting Happy up above the issue and just blaming Paige and Walter. Walter could have used better judgment after he found out Happy was in bed with him but still the initial act with him was all Paige and Happy. And again, I have great sympathy for what you have been going through after finding out what happened. But you have got to get a grip on this." Dr. Rizzuto told him.
Toby nodded. "Anyway back to answer your original question. When we first got here I was about to explain to Happy that my self-destructive behavior wasn't just because she had cheated with Walter. But I got interrupted by your receptionist."
Dr. Rizzuto nodded as he sat back. "Please, go on."
Toby looked at Happy, her eyes upon their hands. "Happy, I was so mad at what I saw and what I knew had to be going on, as I told you. After I walked away from the poker table I saw a woman who was a dead ringer for my ex. And a long story short, I took her to lunch and then I got a room and I had sex with her. So as much as I was devastated about what you had done, I was just as devastated about what I had done. Not just because I had betrayed you but that how much I had enjoyed betraying you for what you did." Toby told her.
He'd felt her fingers loosen their grip but she hadn't let go completely or pulled her hand away from his. "So my self-destructive side came out to push you to the point that you'd break up with me. At that point I struggled between wanting to break up with you but I didn't want to be the bad guy and break up with you. I wanted to claim I wanted to work through it, but push you to the brink you'd say enough and kick me out. Then I could act the victim. Because I felt like not only did I not deserve your love, I was angry because I thought I had already lost it. As strong as you have always been, I never thought I could actually break you like I did. And I am so sorry."
"I ignored all the markers I saw in you. You're honesty about how you felt about me, the guilt and pain, how sorry you were that you had let it go so far. I even ignored your bravery for coming forward to tell the truth and face the consequences of your actions but also declaring that you loved me and had chosen me. It probably even influences me to hold you above the blame I hurl at Walter, and Paige so easily."
Happy's eyes had turned from their joined hands and were looking at the floor. She hadn't responded in any other outward way.
"Happy, how does what Toby revealed make you feel?" Dr. Rizzuto asked quietly.
Happy just sat there for several long minutes before she shrugged. "What can I say about what he did that day? I caused it by what I did."
"That really isn't the point Happy. Just because you did something wrong doesn't just give Toby a get out of jail free card. You still have the right to be upset." Dr. Rizzuto explained.
Happy shook her head. "I just hope with the fuss he made about not wanting to have sex with me because of me being with Walter until my blood test comes back that he had the courtesy of getting one too."
"Toby?" Dr. Rizzuto asked as he looked at him.
"I did, I should have the results tomorrow at the latest." Toby told her. "And again, I am so sorry."
Happy nodded. "It is going to take me some time to work through what you did to me Toby. It might have been your destructive nature, but what you did to me. You betrayed me in our home. You disrespected me in my truck. You humiliated me in a public place. You terrorized me in the bath. But I'm telling you here, now, in front of Dr. Rizzuto. If you so much as raise your voice to me again I'm calling the police and pressing charges for your abuse. And when you get out you'll find all of your stuff in the trash. And if I can't do it, I'll tell Cabe and let him deal with it and you."
Toby reached over and patted her hand before he rubbed it. "I understand Happy and I don't blame you. I was horrible to you. You didn't deserve any of what I did. I am going to do my very best not to do anything that can tear you down ever again. I do want us to work this out. I love you, I love our baby that is growing inside of you, and I love our life together. You are everything to me. And if you need to be with Paige or if there is another woman you need to be with then I'm open to making it possible for you to spend time with her. But I don't want to be involved with you in that way. Walter might be able to justify it but I can't."
Happy nodded. "I know it might sound bad on my part or like I want my cake and eat it too, but I can't share you that way. As for me being with any other woman, I don't think so. Paige perfectly fits me. She completely gets and understands that side of me. I don't believe I could ever find someone else who could do what she did in the matter of seconds. And I say this not to upset you. And I'm not saying you aren't enough for me or that I don't love you. But I do love Paige as well. I've known it since Friday when she and I left the shoe store. If I have to give her up, then I might as well forget that part of myself."
Toby held up his other hand. "Wait a minute. What shoe store?"
Happy took in a fresh breath of air. "That's where we went shopping Friday when you called and talked to Walter. The sales girl was an old friend of Paige's. They had dated a bit but nothing beyond dating and kissing. But there was something about her attitude and familiarity with Paige that set off a jealousy in me I didn't know I had. And Paige made sure to demonstrate that I was hers, in that situation. She even gave a half concealed threat to Claire not to touch me other than in the course of selecting the shoes."
"That must have made you feel good, to know how much Paige loved you then." Dr. Rizzuto commented.
Happy nodded. "Anyway, maybe all of this is nothing more than my hormones as they change and shift with the pregnancy, I don't know but it feels real to me. Maybe after our child is born I won't want this ever again. But I do need you to realize this Toby. I've chosen you. Yes, I did something horrible, but the bottom line is that no matter how much that side calls to me, no matter how much Paige means to me. I left her to make that video explaining what I had done, left to bring you home. Because I want you too, want the life we have been building. If we can work through this, I'll be so happy. But if we can figure out a way that I can spend some time alone once in a while with Paige then that would mean so much to me as well."
All three of them were surprised to see Happy finally looked up and look into Toby's eyes as she finished.
"Happy, I really don't have a problem with you spending time with Paige that way. I would have liked to have been consulted first. But as long as Walter is not involved in anyway then I will be content with you exploring this side of you with Paige. Maybe the hormones helped bring it out sooner, but you were racing towards this day. I could tell things would change that day we brought Florence in to interview with us behind Paige's back. I just hate that I feel so insecure when it comes to Walter. Sometimes I think it is why I always mention I am a Harvard trained Dr., since Walter never went to college." Toby smiled at Happy.
"Good, then we can build on this. Let's talk for a short bit about the baby, since last we talked it was unlikely that the two of you would be able to conceive." Dr. Rizzuto said as he smiled at them.
Happy still walked a bit with her head down, but she walked out of Dr. Rizzuto's office holding Toby's hand. She shook her head when Toby pointed at the driver's side though. Toby nodded and walked with her over to the passenger side and opened the door for her. Happy climbed in and gave Toby a slight smile before she buckled the seatbelt. Toby returned her smile before he closed the door and got in the truck.
He looked at Happy as he inserted the key into the ignition. "Would you be interested in me picking up some condoms? I'd kind of like us to reclaim each other in that respect."
Happy looked down at the floor board for a moment. She moved a bit closer to the door before she shrugged and spoke apprehensively. "If that is what you want. I won't say no."
Toby shook his head. "No, if it is too soon I get that. I would never force you. You'd just asked about it Sunday afternoon so I thought you might still have been interested. But we can wait until you feel more secure in us."
Happy nodded even with a voice that was just barely loud enough to hear over the start of the engine. "Thank you."
"Are you sure you don't want to call Paige?" It sounds like she really needs to hear from you. And I know you need to hear from her too. I'm sorry I was such an ass about that too." Toby told her.
Happy shook her head as she continued to speak quietly. "You didn't want me to call her before we were back to Scorpion next Monday so I am honoring that."
Toby nodded. "Well I don't mind and I am not holding you too that. Dr. Rizzuto was right. You don't have many friends as it is and to cut you off from being able to speak to someone you love, someone you could speak freely with about things was a horrible thing for me to do."
"It's okay Toby. It was a horrible thing I did." Happy told him just as quietly.
"Well we'll have to agree to disagree. Because Dr. Rizzuto was right, if I had been the facilitator of that meeting I would have called the cops on what I did. As a behaviorist I know all your weak spots and I struck them hard. No one deserves that. Even prisoners of war are supposed to receive protection from that kind of stuff. You deserved so much better than that, my love."
Greetings! Hope everyone is well!
Champagne42 - Thank the Lord for the people responsible for bringing A/C into existence! lol But we've had it pretty easy so far this year heat wise. This has been a bit closer to what I remember as a youth growing up here in Indiana. The last 20 years or so the heat has just been getting worse and worse. I guess we're expecting very high heat index until Monday, high 90s. I've temporarily marked it as T for teen, chapter 11 goes too far for the T rating so when I get ready to post it I'll switch it back to M. Maybe more people will see it this way and can decide if they want to continue later. The numbers have increased since I switched it. It is a bit of a roller coaster and there is another huge hill coming up down the road.
Railman - Well as you know now Toby has finished told them what he had started to tell Happy outside. I thought she handled it pretty well. Definitely not the normal Happy way though! lol. I'm sure a lot of people here didn't go over and read HS over there. Just like a lot of people at AO3 don't come here to read. But if AO3 had metrics like here, I'd jump over there and stay I think. The system is just so much better and there aren't so many restrictions here and with all the tags and stuff you can really outline what a story is about. Plus I like that notes are not part of the story, they have their own separate place to live.
Susan - Thank you! So glad you are enjoying it! And I am so glad you are finding an interest here in Happy and Toby too! Walter has a pretty bumpy ride coming up after 13. He's going to make some discoveries that is going to change things up. And poor Cabe, he's got his hands full is all I can say.
Franxine - Long time no see in the comments! I am so sorry you feel this way. I guess this story isn't for you then. Once this one is done I will be posting Caber, you might like it better. Another "fix-it" story I've had to shelve because of Happy Secrets and Happy Consequences.
To the Adventure! -Tim
