Not much really to say here. The next few chapters will focus on a mix of Toby's transformation and absence from the Degrassi scene, and Craig's adventure in group therapy, where he meets someone, I'll let you all guess.


Toby's POV

It felt amazing. While releasing your energy in the form of anger is something I don't recommend, when you've been bottling up everything, once released is an amazing feeling. The release in bottled up emotions had done greatly for both my mental health and physical health.

Awaken to the sound of an alarm set for 5:00 am, I was content; it had been the first time I had slept through the night since the shooting. My mind seemed more sharper than it has for a long time, as if I had been in a trance of euphoria.

I was mildly shocked to realize that the release in emotion had also done some incredible stuff to my physical body. Aside from his bruised hands from glass fragments, which had been covered up, his whole body felt at ease. Specifically, the upper part of his body felt less tense, more loosened, and even my posture I changed.

Being notoriously short, at around 5'4", I was the laughing stock and an easy target for shoving and being picked on, as I wasn't big enough to fend off any attackers. However, the stretch in posture seemed to increase my height by an inch. Additionally, it seemed that I had grown, most likely from the lack of stress. I had estimated from my sights that I had grown to about 5'5", more or less. While not a lot, still noteworthy for me, as I thought growth was a thing of the past.

Regardless of how that happened, I shook the thoughts off my head.

"It's not that anyone at Degrassi notices a person's physical or mental change until it's too late," I grimaced, thinking about Rick.

"Damnit Toby, you told yourself you would forget about him, the old you died with him!"

"Or if a girl gains a new set of breasts," I chuckled at my thought.

While normally, I would wake up much later than usual, I had to go run some errands. Before leaving the house, I made sure to clean up any mess from the previous night I had left behind. This new lifestyle would be something I would adapt to, a new me was forming.

"Thanks for your help," I replied to the ophthalmologist, who had helped me learn about contacts, including taking care of them, taking them out safely, etc. My sight had become a slight concern for me as it was a bit blurry, but a trip to the ophthalmologist for contacts quickly removed those concerns.

While Kate and Dad may ask about the sudden lack in eyewear, I would probably make up an excuse that the frames of my glasses were cracking, and that contacts were a better alternative and cheaper option. If they were to enter my room, I'd have to convince them that a rearrangement was necessary to clear his thoughts and mind.

Whether the excuse be, as long as I could keep them away from my thoughts, the better everything will be. While it would be nice to confide my parents into my issues, they would ultimately talk to the school staff, and after everything that's happened through my mind last night, I don't think I'll ever trust school officials when it comes to protection.

Such actions would require me to put matters into my own hands. Even in the worst-case scenario, I get expelled or suspended, my thoughts on school have dropped so low that I would be begging to be transferred to a new school entirely. Everyone has forgotten about me a week later, and while I don't stride for attention, the fact that I don't have anyone in the aftermath is sickening.

Which again, goes back to how the old Toby died alongside Rick. I thought on how I had been bullied, tormented, and related it to his experiences. Now that Rick was gone, there was no doubt that I would be the next target. If not me, then someone else, and the last thing I want to see is a repeat in Rick.

My mind was brought out of my thoughts as I looked at a nearby small local health club, with weightlifting sets, treadmills, and so much more. The membership was relatively cheap; I was able to afford the fee with my saving allowance. As I looked around the area, I spotted the bench press area, which looked quite appealing to me. Ignoring the strange looks I was given; I made my way over to the weightlifting area.

Finishing setting the weights up, I sat in the chair of the area and began to ponder. Letting my emotions out had eased all the mental stress I had built up, resulting in tremendous mental focus, something I don't think I've had in years.

I eventually came to the conclusion that Degrassi was an inherently corrupt school filled with apathetic students, with the likes of Jay and Spinner running around, there was no hope for this school. I knew that the whole school would become a downward tumble, filled with students who would happily tease the weak and unsupported.

Of course, my hatred for Jay, Spinner and Alex were also a reason as to why I hated Degrassi so much now. But I must not let myself fall into the same trap as Rick. Witnessing full-handed the downfall of Rick, all it had brought was misery and an early grave. Whereas Rick was vying for bloodlust and revenge against those who wronged him, I wanted to defend others and myself from the aggressors who saw opportunities for the wrong reasons.

As long as Jay and Spinner were roaming the heartland of Degrassi, tormenting others, I would not see the end of the day for Degrassi. Not that I cared about it no more.

While I didn't care about the school no more, I was willing to do my part in making the school a better place, defending those who need it the most.

But in order for me to be able to achieve what I want; I must work for it. And while I have an adamant non-violence stance, I knew that being in solid physical condition would be required if I wanted to defend myself and others in a fight. Besides the confidence and appearance factors, being in top physical condition would be vital in case an argument turns physical.

But despite this, I must make sure I don't become a tyrannical figure like Jay and Spinner. I must continue to remind myself to stay on a higher plane with good intentions, if I wanted to change.

Throughout all the thoughts on Jay, Spinner and Rick, I began to settle in and prepare for a workout with the bench press. As I began to move in reps, the image of me being shoved in a locker, yet again by Jay and Spinner, crept into my mind, which motivated me further into getting what my mental image loathed for. Remembering Rick, himself and now Paul under the violence from Jay and Spinner, a similar two words talked to me.

...

"Not Again."

After what had been a solid 30-minute workout, I got my water bottle, and clothes and left. But I wasn't done exercising. The local health club was about a solid 5-10 km away from Degrassi, depending on the direction I took. Due to just starting the workouts, I decided to take the 5 km route, as I could work myself up from there.

To my surprise, I made the 5 kilometer journey in around 30 minutes, which was rather impressive for my standards, but it was lack of any walking or stopping that impressed me further, and gave me the courage to continue my workouts.

It wasn't just workouts I had decided to commit to, I had decided to get my own nutrient rich foods, which the health club gladly informed me examples, for lunch. Because of the amount more of energy I would burn and use, I would need to eat more. Which was something I've always done less of than I needed to because of my bout with Anorexia and Bulimia.

As I filled my water bottle with water from a nearby water fountain, I took in the run. It was on a cold, rather snowy day, but thankfully the salt melted the ice and snow, making it safe. Additionally, baggy hoodies and sweatpants were all that were needed to help stabilize my temperature, as even though it was winter outside, it felt like a summer for me, with the amount I was sweating.

I made my way to the gym showers first, and took my clothes off. There I was myself, a bit chubby, in the stomach and chin, I did not look good by physical health standards. Letting the warm water sprinkle on me, I pondered on a possible exercise later on in the day, after school.

Once I had gotten in my first class, with my baggy hoodie and sweatpants, I pondered on exercise later after school. While the local health club would still be open, I don't think doing two 5-kilometer runs was sane for me yet. Maybe when I was more comfortable, but I had an idea, and it involved a punching bag and hand wraps for my fingers.


Craig's POV

I breathed a big, long sigh as I looked through the glass window at the group. The student therapy group were clearly talking about their struggles. While I was originally hesitant to join, the temptation of Ashley and Joey were enough to encourage me. Speaking of the former, she was actually hear right next to me.

"Are you ready for this, Craig?" She asked me.

I took another sigh before replying, "I don't know honestly."

She shook her head in disapproval

"I know you're a bit on edge and scared but if you want to get better, you'll have to go through this,"

I looked at her solemnly. Ashley had been a great companion, and even though last night was confusing between her and I, we still cared for each other.

"Will you be here for me?" I asked her, more hoarsely.

Again she shook her head, "I'm sorry Craig, but the feelings I've had for you are gone now, I'll be there for you as a friend, but I don't think any more." She said blatantly.

"I know, I wasn't asking it in that way," I said sadly.

"I didn't mean to-" I cut her off

"It's fine, I'm going in," I firmly said before entering.

"wai-" was all I heard from her before I entered in the area.

I looked around at a group of 8 students sitting in a circle with a counselor in the center. There were two spots next to each other, and I took my assumed spot in one of the chairs, an empty chair to my left.

"I wonder whose chair that's for?" I pondered.

I shook the thought out of my head as the counselor, an old man with fading hair and a pale skin was responding to a student's reply.

"I think Nancy was saying it was a positive experience for her Nigel,"

"I'm with him! I wouldn't tell anyone if I didn't have to," I responded back to him.

He simply looked at me and stated, "Well let's talk about why you feel that?"

I pondered before replying

"Once people think you're crazy, I think they just think about that, they stop treating you like you're you-" I was interrupted by a female voice I knew too well.

"Sorry I'm late," I heard Ellie's voice, and my mind already began forming accusations.

"She sent me to Ellie's group? What the hell?!" I pondered quietly. Looking at her in disbelief.

"Welcome Ellie, we're talking about stigmatization, Craig?" The man announced to me, which I was not ready to reply to, due to the shock of what Ashley had done.

"That's all I had to say," I firmly said before shutting myself out.

The rest of the conversation went in a haze to me, and I could feel the strange look Ellie was giving me, but I kept my head down, not wanting her to see anything.

As the group subsided, I walked away, ignoring Ellie calling my name. It wasn't that I didn't like her in my group, but rather Ashley and Joey think they need someone to keep an eye on me.

"Do they really think I'm going to just run away from the council?" I asked myself.

I shortly saw Joey after in his car waiting for me. I got in the passenger sheet, not saying a word and we took off.

The next day

I approached Ashley the next day in a fury, I was waiting for her to finish class so I could ask her the question that's been on my mind since the meeting.

When she saw me after the bell rang, she looked surprised but went on.

"Hey Craig, what's wrong?" She asked.

"Crazy Craig, what's the matter?" I mocked in her tone, which resulted in a face of shock and concern.

"Okay? It's a good thing I knew mood swings are common when you first start meds," she replied.

"You sent me to Ellie's group," I said firmly, looking for an answer. To which she gave me one.

"Which she loves, I didn't think you'd mind,"

"Well then you didn't think at all," I replied before walking away, anger boiling over me.

I continued to walk away, ignoring the pleas of Ashley to come back, but I wasn't in the mood. So, I decided to go to the one place where I was always in a stable mindset, the music room, filled with instruments and a noise cancelling wall, you were able to play many instruments your heart's desire, so long as it's not during class.

Unfortunately, I found the other person I wish I didn't run into, Ellie, holding a guitar case. She looked shocked to see me. Before I could walk away, she said something.

"Know how to restring a guitar?" She pretty much asked in an easy tone, which only made me angrier.

"Get Ash to, she's good at forcing things," I took a seat on the opposite side of where Ellie resided with the guitar case.

"Like trying to force me to come to your house to ask about this paper-thin guitar excuse later yesterday?" She asked, to which I raised my head up at her and saw a look of sadness and guilt.

I simply stayed silent, hoping she would give up and go away. Instead she put the guitar case down and approached me, kneeling down in front of me, as I kept my head down, trying to be invisible from her sights.

"Craig, I used to cut myself," she started

"I know."

"What's bizarre is that I'm always going to be a cutter, even if I don't do it for years, it's still me," I raised my head up slightly at that before answering.

"Well that sucks,"

"It just is, it doesn't matter how I feel or how anyone else feels,"

That got my attention. No matter how much you want to stray away from your problems, that's all people will talk to you about, there's nothing that will help. Gathering courage, I spoke back firmly.

"I'm bipolar, and apparently it doesn't matter if I think it sucks either."

She took a step closer to me, now sitting to my left.

"I think Kurt Cobain was bipolar,"

"Yeah," I said with a small smile.

"If he just accepted it maybe it all would've been different, Nigel from group manages okay,"

"Yeah he's cool,"

"He is," she said, before continuing, "You should come back, and probably call Ash, you know she really cares about you,"

At that I sighed, informing Ellie something nobody knew yet.

"We broke up, Ellie, she couldn't handle the mess I have become. Now all she talks about is my medication, my shrink and my moods." She gave me a sympathetic look, that made me shocked.

"I thought I had something with someone, but that was ultimately nothing," Ellie replied, I knew she was referring to Sean.

She gave me a hand, which cause me to look back in her hazel eyes.

"You should come back to the group, I won't judge you, we're both a mess," I laughed at that, which she returned with her own laugh.

"Well, I guess you've convinced me to, thank you Ellie," I replied back. To which she smiled at me.

I looked at the time, and realized I've been 5 minutes later for class.

"Well, I have to get to class now, will I see you there today?" I asked her, to which she nodded.

"Alright I'll see you-" She stopped me when she gave me a hug, which I returned after.

"Don't be afraid to call or text me about anything, anything outside of this," she said, handing me her phone number. I accepted, wrote it down, and left for my class.

As I pondered to myself as I was going to get a late slip for my class. I thought to myself about this counseling and if it would benefit me. Ellie was a nice person who actually understood what I went through, and offered to talk outside of the problems plaguing us. As I looked up, and thought about Ashley, her best friend, I couldn't help but be scared to befriend Ellie. I hope I don't scare her away, because she actually seems nicer, and is willing to put up with me during my low point, something Ashley told me she couldn't handle. I pondered more and more, as I waited for the counsel group therapy later today and thought

"Maybe Ellie isn't that bad of a person."