A Craig and Ellie centric chapter this time around. Don't worry Toby will make an appearance in this chapter, just not in his point of view. This is the first interaction between Craig and Toby.
…
Craig's POV
It felt weird. Not having Ellie giving me the encouragement I needed to get through this lesson was very weird and awkward.
And I didn't like it one bit.
The small glances made me realized Ellie was avoiding me altogether, not even attempting to acknowledge me in the slightest.
It hurt. Seeing her keep her head down, I knew I had caused that behaviour, but also seeing her glare at me whenever it was my turn to speak was chilling. To be fair, whenever she spoke, I would put my head down, trying to sink into the face of the Earth.
Without her, I didn't have the courage at all to speak, which likely made my counsellor upset. Upset at the fact that I was reverting to my old ways. Maybe it worried him, because he pretty much called my name and told me to say something that was on my mind. Looking around, seeing everyone, including Ellie watch me, I sighed before speaking.
"I don't want to,"
"And why is that?"
"Because I don't even know what's going on,"
He seemed to understand though, and instead said something else.
"Well then, who are you then?" He asked, and my mind immediately thought back to when I was asked the same question by Mrs. Kwan.
"Me... in an infinite universe... on an insignificant planet... one of six billion inhabitants, big deal. I mean honestly, if I were to say that if I were to disappear, who'd care? What would it matter? Uh... a subatomic blip in the temporal fabric of creation. So there you have it, I'm Craig Manning."
He seemed to look concerned for me. And in the corner of my eyes, I noticed Ellie's stare as well.
"Well, thanks for sharing that with us Craig," I nodded in response before my thoughts clouded my consciousness.
Before I knew it, the session was over, and immediately I saw Ellie dash out of the room, something she had done ever since our argument.
Sighing, I decided to follow her, and maybe try and talk to her again. I found her sitting in a seat, in front of the entrance of the school. As I walked up to her, she gave me a glare.
"Uhm... Joey was unable to pick me up today, do you want a ride home?" I asked.
"No, please leave me alone,"
"Can we at least-"
"No, my mom will pick me up soon,"
I looked at her, curiously, she was always still in school by the time I leave, but the last thing I wanted to do was infuriate her more. Truth be told, I saw her walking home once. Regardless I sighed.
"Okay, take care of yourself," I concluded before making my way out, head down the entire time.
As I entered my car, I looked at Degrassi, specifically the entrance before taking off. Joey had a meeting for his Motors industry, and as a result, would be home late. I ran into my room, before closing the door, and idea forming in my brain.
As I looked around, I noticed I had some money around my room. I grabbed some, before heading out the house. Telling Caitlin, I would be going over by a friend's house, I left the house before starting the engine of the car. With a loud roar, I sped off, over to Ashley's place.
You see, I actually have no idea where Ellie lives, so I might need to confront one of Ellie's friends to get her address. My first thought, naturally was Ashley. I knew pretty well they were best friends, but judging from Ashley's lack of response, Ellie probably didn't tell Ashley of our argument.
As I drove across the road, I thought of the other people Ellie hung around with a lot. She hung around Marco, even being his girlfriend until he came out, and Alex, the typical girl who gave no shits about school.
As I approached the building, I knocked on the door of the building, waiting for Ashley to answer it. It took a full 2 minutes before the door opened. But not to reveal the person I was expecting. Instead of Ashley, I saw a boy, who definitely, with the sweat and muscle mass, looks like he worked out daily. He was wearing a short pants, and white t shirt. Other accessories he was wearing included a black headband on his forehead, blocking his medium sized hair from infiltrating his eyes, and black hand wraps, which went across his hands. In a way, the headband and hand wraps looked familiar, doesn't he sit just behind me in Mrs. Kwan's class?
I wasn't until I realized that I was right, and that this was Toby Isaacs. My eyes were rather shocked at how different he looked. He was much taller than he used to be, standing at around 5'8" or 5'9". He was muscular, but lean, and lacked the chubbiness he had in his face, instead replaced with a defined jawline. My eyes widened in belief.
"This is the nerdy geek? He doesn't look like one anymore,"
"Toby," I started, which seemed to make him uncomfortable.
"Hey Craig, are you looking for Ashley?" He asked back slowly.
"Yeah, I kind of need to talk to her about something,"
"Uh, sure come on in, I was just finishing my workout," I nodded in acknowledgment. As I sat down, I took another good look at Toby.
"You look really good, what kinds of exercise do you do?"
"A mix of a lot of stuff,"
"What kinds?"
"It doesn't matter," I raised my eyebrow. I could clearly tell something was wrong with him. Not by the way he looked, transformed, or even acted, but simply the way he talked. I was concerned.
"There's something you want to talk about?"
He raised his eyebrows in confusion. I sighed continuing.
"There's clearly something on your mind, your shaking as you talk,"
He looked at me, clearly puzzled that I had read that there was something going on. He took a deep breath before responding.
"I fear you're going to tell the school about me,"
I was confused, tell the whole school about him?
"What do you mean?"
"Look at me, there's no doubt that I've changed, you were surprised at my appearance. What do you think a whole school's going to say when you tell the school that their nerdy geek is now an exercising mammoth?"
I raised my eyebrows yet again. I was confused what he meant. Tell the school about him? But eventually I understood what he was saying.
"You're worried I'm going to tell the school about your look?" I asked puzzled, trying to connect the pieces.
"Yeah," he responded, sitting down.
I understood now. He was scared that people were going to publicize him on his sudden transformation. He would be bombarded with questions on what he did, or how he got here. Eventually that would be all they talked about.
Just like my Bipolar Disorder. After it somehow got released to the school public, everyone started associating me as a mentally unstable person who could be happy one minute, then sad the next, which wasn't true.
It essentially became the thing to describe me. When you saw me, all you could talk to me about was my Bipolar Disorder. Here, Toby feared that all people would talk about was his body transformation.
But it wasn't just the transformation I noticed, but also his personality. He looked a lot more on edge, as if something was clouding his mind from consciousness. Blocking his mind from the real world, he seemed to have been lost in reality sometimes. I could hear him sometimes mumble random stuff in Mrs. Kwan's class, as I sat just in front of him.
"I have bipolar disorder, Toby, and that's all that people tell me about," I started. He looked at me, before nodding to hear more.
"It's something that you don't really want to hear a lot, because you have to manage the problems, but when people are told about it, they act as if you've been taken over by some foreign invader,"
"As if that's all that defines you," He finished, surprising be how quick he picked up.
"What you do is your choice. Your struggles only affect you, not the people around you, and therefore only you should have control of what's haunting you,"
He nodded.
"I know, it's just sometimes I feel like people are just going to look at me different, I mean it would be nice to be seen as something other than a nerd, but also not a muscle man," I laughed light heartedly at his term.
"You want to be treated as an actual person, not defined by one thing." I finished for him.
To which he smiled, a clear nod.
"I wish the same, however, I didn't," I looked down, which he saw.
"What do you mean, people haven't treated you the same?"
"Ever since my bipolar diagnosis, all people close to me talk about is, make sure you take your meds, go to the therapy or shrink, it gets repetitive and draining, knowing you're stuck with this ailment,"
"You seem fine to me, who's done this?"
"Ashley,"
Toby looked shocked, as if she was the last person, he had expected me to say.
"What?"
"We broke up, she couldn't handle the mess of a human I had become, now all she talks about is my meds, therapy, shrink, and my moods," I looked down, only for Toby to stand up.
"That's stupid, yes, she's trying to take care of you, but how does she think breaking up with you will make things easier?"
"Yeah, but I'm over her, it sucked, but the best thing you can do is move on,"
"So, why did you want to talk to Ashley, then?" He asked curiously.
"I actually wanted her to give me the address to her friend, Ellie, we kind of had an argument,"
"Ellie, why?"
"She's Ashley's best friend, but we go to the same therapy group,"
He nodded, as if understanding quickly of the bond Ellie and I shared. I continued.
"Ever since then, we have pretty much ignored each other."
"Sounds like you both said some hurtful things,"
"Yeah, we did," I said sadly, images of Ellie, clearly hurt. It also hurt me to know I had caused that.
"So, how do you plan to fix the damage?" He asked.
"I'm going to go over and talk to her,"
"Wouldn't she just ignore you?"
"Maybe she will, but I just want to end this negativity with us, and maybe be friends again,"
He looked at me.
"Well, Ashley won't be here for a while, she almost never comes here, so, you might want to go to another one of Ellie's friends," I groaned. Well then, it was either Marco or Alex. Unfortunately I had no idea where Marco was and I highly doubted Toby did as well. That left Alex, who I had an idea where she was, but I didn't exactly know the directions.
She usually hung out at the Ravine, alongside Jay and Spinner. Despite this, I knew she didn't do what Jay and Spinner were well know for doing. Especially after what happened between Emma and Jay. I shuddered at the thought.
"Hey, can you do me a favour?" I asked Toby.
"Sure," he said mildly.
"Do you know where the Ravine is?" I asked, to which Toby flinched slightly.
"Yeah, why?"
"I need directions to find Alex, she might know where Ellie lives,"
I was shocked to see Toby groan, before speaking.
"I'm not going there, especially if Jay and Spinner are there as well,"
I was curious.
"Why?"
Whereas Toby was silent, I was notified that Toby did suffer some harassment from those three, so maybe bringing him to the Ravine may be a bad idea.
"It's nothing," I could tell by his tone he was lying.
"Toby," I said more sternly, followed by me glaring at him.
He returned the glare, which actually caught me by surprise at how threatening Toby actually got.
Sighing, he took off his black headband, revealing a long, wide scar across his forehead, that clearly had stitches.
"They were under some substances, when they came in the same room I was in. First Spinner pushed me to the side, then Jay stood up, and he-" He shook his head, trying to stop tears from forming.
"He what?" I replied back, getting an idea of what happened.
"He grabbed a glass bottle and threw it right at my face," He said finally, and I immediately was shocked.
"What?" I asked, angry with the fact that someone would cause that much bodily harm to someone.
"I hate him," I heard Toby say in a more serious tone. So serious and deadbeat that it would've sounded more normal if he had some more emotion to it.
I sighed.
"Listen, you don't have to leave the car, just please show me how to get there," I pleaded.
I looked back at him, his mind clearly at a crossroads. Before I could answer, say fine, never mind, he sighed.
"Fine, let me just get some better clothes on," He finally replied. I waited about 3 minutes before he put on some baggy clothes, hoodie and sweatpants, which hid his muscle mass pretty well, alongside his headband and hand wraps. While I was confused at his type of clothes at first, I shrugged it off before letting him know. I gave him my phone, with my phone number on.
"If they give you any trouble, let me know, you don't deserve this," I told him, to which he nodded back.
…
The Ravine, a wooded area not too far from Degrassi, I spotted Jay, Spinner and Alex as I parked my vehicle. My passenger, Toby, clearly did not look comfortable, but surprised me when he opened the door and stood up.
"Are you sure Toby?" I asked him.
"Yes, I have to stand my ground," He said firmly, to which I shrugged.
As I approached Alex, who was with Jay and Spinner, they seemed to notice Toby and I, and the latter two began to smirk.
"Well, Toby, finally grew a tailbone to show up at the ravine," Jay tormented him.
"Probably did, he does look taller than usual," Spinner added, grinning alongside Jay.
"What's with the headband, geek?" Jay taunted. To which Alex laughed, but to her credit, remained silent.
"Okay, shut up you two, can I talk to Alex," I said, breaking up this verbal spat.
"Sure," I heard her say.
As Alex, Toby and I got away from Jay and Spinner, no one really talked. Alex seemed to be preoccupied, while Toby continued to stare off in front of him.
"You look good, Toby," I heard Alex say, to which may have shocked Toby, but I didn't hear him say anything. I heard her sigh, before she tried again.
"I may have laughed, but I'm serious, the headband looks good,"
"Uhhh, thanks, I guess," I heard Toby reply, unsure of whether or not it was a joke or not. To me she seemed sincere.
Eventually we reached far away, and I started.
"Do you have the address for Ellie's place?" I asked calmly, to which she snorted.
"You moved on from Ashley quick, Manning,"
"How did you know-"
"Simple, you two stopped hanging out,"
"I don't like Ellie like that, Alex,"
"Hmm," She seemed unconvinced, but I shook the thought off.
"We just had an argument, where we both hurt each other, I'm just trying to repair the damage,"
"Okay," was all she said as she wrote the address on a piece of paper.
"Thanks," was all I said before Toby and I went back to the car.
"Thanks for guiding me here," I thanked, to which he replied.
"No problem, can you drop me home before you go to Ellie's?"
"Sure, and hey," I looked at him, "we should talk more in class,"
"Uhh, sure if you want," I smiled at him.
"You're a good person Toby, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise,"
"Thanks,"
"Remember, if Jay, Spinner or Alex gives you any problems, you can let me know,"
For the first time, I saw a genuine smile on Toby's face.
"Thank you," He said, as we drove off.
As I dropped him off, I took a deep breathe before heading to Ellie's. I had bought her a gift I hoped she would take. While I didn't want to pay her for forgiveness, it was more to get her attention so I could talk to her.
Eventually, I saw the place Alex had given me. Walking up to the door, taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door.
Within 20 seconds, Ellie answered it, but not before glaring at me.
"What are you doing here?" She asked
"We need to talk,"
"No, we don't," As she started to shut her door, but I stopped it by putting my hand in the way, crushing it when the door slammed on it. I refused to yell in pain, wanting to show her how dedicated I was.
"Are you stupid?" She asked, to which I laughed.
"Maybe I am, but call me stupid after you take this," I pulled the black shirt out of my backpack, to which she quickly eyed at, before looking at me. Slowly, she took it.
"Thanks, but why did you buy this for me?" She asked, a lot more quiet and sincere.
"Because I wanted to, now can we please talk," Looking at her, she eventually conceded.
"Fine, but not in my house, my mom's sleeping," she replied. We instead sat down on the front porch, letting the sunset fade into moonlight. We sat down for what felt like half an hour, when in reality it was 10 minutes. I looked at Ellie, who continued to stare off. I sighed, knowing what I had to bring up.
"I owe you an apology for my actions that day," I started, "sometimes all I feel is nothing but confusion and suspicion,"
She looked at me, a saddened look in her eyes.
"That's not true Craig,"
"I know, it's just sometimes hard to function knowing the stuff I've been through, I can never seem to move past anything,"
"The argument?"
"Me taking everything out,"
We kept silence for a bit after that, before Ellie spoke up.
"Okay, how about we speak?"
"What?"
"Tell each other our struggles, I know you didn't want to let this define you, but maybe if you tell someone, it'll make you feel better,"
I looked up at her
"Would you as well?"
"Yeah, but I think I have a bit more at stake," I turned down, before replying
"I wouldn't be so sure of that…"
She looked at me, concerned, before I realized it came out a lot darker than intended. I spoke before she would mention it.
"You go first,"
She nodded,
"Okay, when I was just entering high school, my father was shipped off to Afghanistan, he was a military officer, who willingly took the plunge. But throughout those plans, my mom was heavily against it. She would scold my father for doing such a thing, putting his life at risk, leaving his daughter, you know?"
I nodded, I've always seen those videos of kids who've seen their father after returning from a mission overseas. While it was heartwarming, I could easily see the heartbreak they go through.
"Well, before he was set to go oversees, my mom and him had one big argument that pretty much was never settled. The next day he went off, and my mom wept. She pretty much drank herself to sleep, letting me take care of myself. With all the stress of my father not there, and my mother on alcohol, I resorted to cutting myself as a pain reliever, it felt good to release all the pain of taking care of a hopeless parent."
I looked at her, shocked at what she had been through, I noticed her eye slightly becoming teary, so I wiped it off her eyes. She looked at me. I spoke.
"If it hurts you to talk about it, we can stop,"
But she shook her head.
"I want to get this off my chest. The worst hasn't happened yet. Eventually, my house started to become engulfed in flames, from my mom falling asleep in the kitchen while cooking, I had to carry my mom out of the house to safety! She's still addicted to alcohol and I have to take care of her to this day, she tells me she'll get sober, but she never does!" At this point she was crying.
Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her, gave her a crutch to use, and she took it. I caressed her hair, trying to sooth her down. Eventually, she calmed down. She laid her head on my lap, giving me a smile for the first time in days, and how I missed it. Before I knew it, I had to talk about my struggles to her.
"Alright, you've done talking, so I guess it's time I start to speak.
She nodded, and got up, but remained seated next to me. I took a deep breathe, before beginning.
"When I was 10, my biological mother left my biological father for Joey. A custody battle erupted between the two, where my bio father won complete custody over me. You see, he was a surgeon, so he was much richer, and was able to afford a better lawyer, and everything."
I saw her give me a nod. I sighed again before continuing.
"About a year later, my biological mother passed away. You see, I was always attached more to my mom than my dad, mainly because she was more available at home, compared to my dad who often worked overnight on operations. So the loss greatly impacted me, but it would only get worse," Ellie looked in curiosity.
"How would it get worse?"
"I don't know whether it was the stress at work, or the fact that I would sneak out and see my step sister Angela, but my father eventually got abusive. Once that started, the environment home was tense, like you could cut a knife right through it. One small mention of my mother or my step sister, and my father would throw his dishes on the floor to clean up, or shove me on the wall, punching me while pinning me down,"
I looked to see Ellie giving me the wide eyes, not believing what I had been through. But regardless I continued.
"The abuse got so bad that I attempted to get run over by a train, but luckily Sean was there and he tackled me right off the train tracks. After that Joey took me in, and I began to live with my stepfather and stepsister."
I turned to Ellie, who gave me a smile, thinking everything was finally good for me, but I shook my head.
"I'm not done, you see, my biological father tried to get back into my life, he claimed he was a changed man, claimed he was better, he was past all of the anger he called nonsense. But a dinner night out, when I tried to reconcile with him, he returned to his old ways, punching me right in the face, before telling me 'I always screw up.' The last thing I told him was that he would never change. The next morning, I was told by officers and Joey that my biological father had perished in a car crash."
She was shocked at the turn of events, not knowing what to say. So in order to turn the mood to a more positive one, I began another story.
"Eventually I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after I lashed out at Joey, and I went to student council therapy, where I met this wonderful girl named Ellie,"
She started to laugh at my switch up in delivery, but I continued.
"While I originally saw her as my former girlfriend's best friend, she soon became more, and even stayed by my side when my girlfriend couldn't handle me,"
She was still laughing, but I cleared my throat to let her know of a switch up. Which she noticed and stopped laughing, listening to me.
"but unfortunately, I hurt her, we got into an argument, where we both said some hurtful things to each other, she would not acknowledge my existence, and I knew she was hurting but the way she lifted herself. But now that I'm here, I want to ask her for forgiveness, ask if we can be friends, ask her if we can support each other through tough times,"
She looked down
"Ellie?" I asked grabbing her attention
"Do you think that girl would forgive me?"
She smiled
"This girl will forgive you if we don't hide anything from each other again,"
I smiled sincerely at her, her returning the deed, before we knew it we were hugging each other, like a rock in a fast current, we didn't let go until what seemed like an hour.
"No judgements, no secrets, and no hesitation, okay Craig?" She asked, to which I replied
"Yes Ellie, yes indeed,"
We stood there for almost half an hour, letting the moonlight fall around us. I looked to Ellie, who looked back at me, smiling at each other.
"Ellie?" I began
"Yes?"
"If you ever need a ride home, then feel free to ask me," I smiled at her, remembering how she would always say her mother would pick her up. Now I knew that she would walk home, waiting late at school.
"Okay," she replied, "I'm going back in now,"
"Will we acknowledge each other's existence again?" I question light heartedly.
To which she laughed.
"Of course, see you at the group tomorrow,"
I smiled, before taking a deep breathe and heading towards my car. Today had been stressful, but worth it. He had reconciled with his friend, and promised no façade. They could be themselves when around each other.
As I drove home, parked at the door, and entered the house, a smile on my face was present the whole time. Alongside that smile came a good feeling, I had saved a friendship, and it was worth it.
My mind was finally feeling content with the results.
