…
Toby's POV
The past two weeks have been a relatively interesting time in terms of drama. In terms of drama with Jay and Spinner, there wasn't really a lot, aside from their continued pursuit of the occasional victim, there wasn't any major event that led to any brawl. Regardless, I wasn't ready to face Jay and Spinner head on.
While I was able to withstand their verbal assault when I accompanied Craig, it would only be a matter of time before an incident similar to the glass bottle emerged, and that was something I had to prepare for.
Speaking of Craig, he definitely was not as bad as I anticipated. While him defending me from Jay and Spinner was a start, I did know that Craig had cheated on Ashley with Manny, and even though they clearly reconciled and made up, and have broken up again, they seemed to be on friendlier terms. In Mrs. Kwan's class, he's been a nice distraction, both to my thoughts and to the fading environment in school. By all accounts, he was a good person. He had even asked if he could come over later today, which shocked me at first, but I eventually conceded. He didn't have counseling today, so he could leave normal time.
Sure, he has his issues, but don't we all?
"You listen to it yet?" He asked me, referring to the rock album he had sent me.
"Uhh, yeah during my workouts, though if you are talking about the substance, then no,"
"Ehh, good enough,"
"Yeah, it's pretty good in terms of keeping me aware when exercising,"
"That's good,"
"Maybe, you should listen to some of my taste in music,"
"Oh, god, I don't want to listen to books!" He replied in a joking manner
I laughed at his sudden tone, which also caught me by surprised. Sure, it was a nerd joke, but at least it was in a friendly way, and he made sure that was the intent, rather than the insulting manner Jt and Danny would.
Craig and I continued to talk throughout those two weeks, both during and after class. He introduced me to some forms of music that admittedly helped in working more vigorously. Throughout all of that however, he gave me the space I needed whenever I worked out.
My mind pondered to two people Craig has had relations with, both Ashley and Manny, both of whom I knew. Manny, in particular was still on bad terms with Craig ever since the fling. While Ashley did forgive Craig, she most certainly didn't forget, and I could tell from the small visits Ashley would make whenever Kate came over.
Soon enough, the bell rang, and Craig and I exited. While we had different classes after that, we were able to talk during lunch. While I was surprised that Craig wasn't talking alongside, say Ashley and Page, or Marco and Ellie. Regardless we talked when Craig sat next to me. But it was about something rather serious.
"So, how did you know where the ravine was?" Craig asked me. To which I shrugged.
"Jt would always go there, and for some reason, bring me alongside him, even though I never wanted to go in the first place," I replied back.
"I never really heard of the Ravine, until I heard what happened between Emma and Jay, that's a disaster, it's seriously gut wrenching."
I looked up at him, signifying an agreement with a nod.
"I mean, she's been going through a lot, with the shooting and everything, but she insists she's fine."
"She's not, but the first step to accepting help is to acknowledge your problems,"
I looked at him, amazed by how similar he had thought to me, but I eventually realized I knew where he was going.
"Your bipolar disorder?" I asked.
"Nah, as soon as I was diagnosed, I was glad. I finally knew what was off with me. I didn't deny it, I was relieved," I nodded in acknowledgement.
"I felt the same way when I was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia,"
He gave me a strange look. Which made me nervous.
"What?" I asked, to which he responded.
"You don't look like you struggle with it anymore,"
"It's in the thought of being happy with yourself, this workout's making me realize there's better ways to improve my health,"
"That's amazing, no one lets that define you, whereas with me, all they see is a mentally unstable person,"
I looked at him, before shaking his head.
"That's clearly not true, you're fine, you just, need a bit more guidance," I told him.
"Yeah, and I feel like I've already gotten it," I saw as I caught him looking towards Marco and Ellie's group.
"Ellie?" I guessed, to which he nodded.
"You two have been very close lately, is there something I need to know?" I began to tease him.
"No, we're friends," He replied blatantly, to which I knew there was some doubt in that.
I'd always see him and Ellie talk when school was over, and when one time I forgot my school bag, I saw Craig driving with Ellie as his passenger.
"Are you sure you see her as a friend?" I asked, to which he looked at me suspiciously, "I'm not questioning, I'm just making sure,"
"Yes, we just have a shared bond together, we have a mutual understanding with each other, that's all," He concluded.
I nodded in understanding, maybe it was just an understanding and a shared bond. No need to make it awkward between the two.
He then, looked at me, before looking back in the direction of where Jt was sitting, there he was laughing alongside Danny and Derek.
"What happened between you and Jt? I heard you two were the pair," He asked back.
"He pretty much shunned me for hanging out with him, so much so that he hasn't talked to me ever since," I replied, not wanting to mention his name.
I snapped out of my little trance when I saw Craig look down.
"And you've been alone since...?"
I raised my eyebrow
"What?"
"You've been by yourself since this incident?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying my hardest act confused.
"Oh, come on, I know about how you, Emma and Sean where there when they scuffled. I knew because Sean told me, and when he left to live with his mom, I knew he would be taken care of. Emma is at the center of the school's attention, and while she may underestimate the toll it's taken on her, she'll eventually break down, but will have the school by her side."
I see where he was going at, the three of us who witnessed the near-death experience. Rick pointing the gun at all of us. While I have pushed that image to the very corners of my mind, under the impression that the Old Toby died the same day as Rick did, and that a new Toby arose from the ash, I would be lying if I said I hadn't completely forgotten.
They were still periods where I felt it creeping into my mind, but I would always suppress the thought and image. If I can't imagine it, then I can't experience it.
Nonetheless, Craig continued.
"Then there's you. The guy who was friends with the gunman, was also there at the scene watching your friends die, yet, no one thought about your wellbeing? Instead they antagonized you for associating with him, defending him, befriending him. You were there as well, witnessing the brunt of the situation, as much as Sean and Emma, and while they got all the treatment, attention and caring, no one came to ask you how you were doing at all? No one asked you what you were thinking. No one thought about the state of you. Heck, you haven't even mentioned Rick at all, or talked to anyone in general."
I stared at him, trying to keep a straight face. Trying to downplay the fact that Craig had completely cut through the wall I had built up. The wall that clouded my mind from the incident entirely, and instead gave me the motivation to keep myself occupied from this whole mess. The wall that fueled my passion of hatred for this school, making the scum lives of this school pay for what they have done, or at least stop them in their tracks. The wall that had told me that Toby Issacs had died the same day, and arose a new man.
I looked at Craig, with a straight face, before speaking.
"You want to know how I felt? I felt nothing. Maybe numbness, but that's the closest to nothing you can feel. All I could think of was how this had happened in the first place, the warnings. Why they had even brought him back to Degrassi in the first place. Then, I compared his harassment to the ones I've gone through, and realized that it was the same group of people who had bullied him mainly. You want to know how I truly reacted? I went through a meltdown the next day, breaking everything in my room, my photos, my bookcases, even my glasses, all shattered into nothing, because I had no one! Jt pretty much laughed in my face as I approached him, and everyone else was too busy worrying about their own friends, Emma was traumatized, and Manny was too busy helping Emma. No one helped me, I was left to my own devices, so with no advice, I took it out on everything, though in the process, that was my release, my mind was clearer, I had gotten my thoughts out my mind, there was no need to dwell on the events anymore. That made me realize the world I was living in; I wasn't suited for it. I moved on, and here I am now."
As I finished, I had just realized the tone of my voice, still, quiet, and somewhat dark. It clearly scared Craig, judging from the look he had given me as I watched him stare at me. I sighed, before continuing.
"I had my breakdown, my release, so I'm fine now," I repeated, with more emphasis put on.
"Okay," He replied, "I just want to make sure you're fine, you know, not suffering in silence,"
I nodded in acknowledgement, I appreciated him at least asking how I was doing. He was pretty much the first one to ask me, since the incident, which had taken place 2 months from now.
While a part of me was upset that it had taken someone that long to ask me how I was, I wasn't surprised. Sure, Manny asked how I was prior, but it was more of just her trying to talk to everyone. She was going through one of those phases again, which I thought wasn't a slut phase, as the other girls had termed.
"Thanks Craig, you're one of the first people to actually ask me," I notified him, letting him know I appreciated the motion and question.
Our thoughts were interrupted when the bell rang, signifying an end to lunch. Wiping the crumbs off my pants, I got up, picked up my work bag and nodded to Craig.
"Well, I'm going to go bug Marco and Ellie," Craig told me.
"Okay, see you around," I turned to head away, before he tapped me again.
"Why don't you come with me?" Craig asked.
I shifted nervously, not sure if I wanted to talk to anyone yet.
"I'm not sure-" I started.
But he interrupted.
"Oh, come on, it'll be fine!" He assured me, before pretty much dragging me by my shirt, where he eventually stopped, but now I was in front of Marco and Ellie, who were staring at me.
"Marco! Ellie! You know Toby Issacs," He started, to which I was unsure how to follow.
"Toby Issacs?! My god do you look different, I heard of you being like a nerd-like kid, but I wasn't expecting this hotness!" Marco started, which Craig laughed at.
"Wait, aren't you Ashley's brother?" I heard Ellie ask me.
"Step-brother," I corrected her.
"Oh, sorry, but yeah she's my close friend," She responded back.
"Yeah, she's told me a bit about you, so has Manning, right here," I decided to tease Craig a bit.
"Hey, I've just been saying how she's helped me during therapy, that's all," Craig responded, putting his hand up in self-defense. Though during that, I saw Ellie smile at Craig, which made me wonder what Ellie thought of Craig. Regardless, it's not my business to interfere.
"Hey, you better thank me, because I ultimately led you to Ellie's house for that apology, by the way, how was that apology?" I responded to him, teasing him again. There was no harm in it, right?
"Did he actually?" Ellie asked, to which Craig nodded.
"Yeah, he led me to where Alex was, and she gave me your address,"
To which Marco, replied with.
"Okay, Manning, you're already going over to Nash's house? I hope you brought protection."
Marco and I burst out laughing, while Craig and Ellie were clearly blushing red, trying to defuse the claims.
"That's not true!" Ellie exclaimed, as she slapped Marco's shoulder, "We just talked outside the front porch,"
Craig continued Ellie's statement by adding, "Besides, Ellie's mom was sleeping, and we couldn't wake her up,"
But that only made Marco and I laugh harder by how we interpreted it. Eventually Craig groaned, while Ellie laughed slightly at his mistake.
"Didn't Alex interpret the same thing Craig?" I asked Craig, only for him to groan louder, as Ellie looked on in interest.
"She knew Ashley and I broke up, that's all," Craig said, a bit of edge in his voice.
"That's your step-sister, Issacs," Marco replied, grinning, to which I shrugged.
"Ashley and I were never really close, we just let each other do our own thing, that's all,"
"Wait until you bring Ellie and Craig over by your house while she's there," Marco elbowed me lightly while saying that, causing us, yet again to laugh, while Craig and Ellie were blushing. I noticed that Ellie was wearing a black shirt, similar to the one Craig bought when we were driving to the ravine.
"You guys are so dirty-minded," Ellie replied after a bit.
Craig added, "I went over to apologize over an argument we had with each other, that's all,"
I snickered, thinking of a great remark.
"Well then, who was that black shirt you bought for? And why is Ellie wearing that exact black shirt?"
Craig clearly flinched, while Ellie looked shocked. Marco, instead laughed.
"Ooohhhh! Busted!"
Craig recovered and shot back at me.
"Why was Alex complimenting your headband?"
I rolled my eyes. As Marco and Ellie gave me the stare.
"Clearly trying to trick me into feeling good, she hangs around Jay and Spinner for Christ's sake,"
Craig shot back with a sound.
"I don't know, it sounded sincere to me,"
Again, I shrugged it off, not making too much of a girl who spent all her time with Jay and Spinner, the two people I grimaced at, not only for the torment, but also the scar on my forehead.
Marco seemed to be curious with me.
"What is with the headband?" He asked me, to which I had to quickly make up an excuse.
"It's just for working out," I replied quickly, hoping Craig wouldn't mention the scar.
But to my luck or respect, he didn't.
Trying to change the subject, Marco seemed to start with a cough.
"So anyways, Craig, are you coming to the movies with Ellie and I?"
"No, I'm actually going over by Toby's, he's going to show me some workouts, and in return feel the effects of rock!"
I laughed, but mentioned to him.
"You can come over tomorrow if you want," I told him, to which he shook his head.
"No, I already told Joey I was hanging out with you," Craig replied, "Sorry, Marco, maybe this weekend?"
"Yeah, that's fine, would you like to come with us on the weekend, Toby?"
I looked at him daringly.
"Uh, I don't know-" Marco cut me off, "Here, give me your phone number,"
I gave my phone to him, to which he sent me to his contacts.
"You can let me know any time before Saturday night,"
He gave me back my phone, with him as an added contact.
"Okay," I said simply, before walking off, heading to class.
Looking back at Craig, Marco and Ellie it was nice to talk to people every once in a while. It was also nice to know that I still had some experience in the social life, my two months of isolation clearly hasn't affected my skills in social interaction.
I just hoped that they wouldn't mention to the whole school about my look, but thankfully, they didn't really notice too much, again thanks to my baggy clothes.
As my classes went through like clockwork, I continued to stare off into the nothingness of space, uninterested with the school I laid in. Aside from responding to a teacher about a homework question and collecting a quiz mark, where I got a A-, I was in my own mind, pondering quietly.
Eventually, the bell which signaled the end of the school day rang, and I made my way to my locker. Grabbing all my things, I went to Craig's locker. Where, funnily enough, I found him interacting with Ellie, a bit away, but easy to spot.
I grinned at the two, while I wasn't the one to intrude on someone's conversation with others, I could see the potential for those two to be a good couple. Sure, Craig has cheated once on Ashley, and the risk of that happening is unfortunately there, if Craig and Ellie really took a try in it, I could see them being a successful and great couple.
Maybe it was the fact that those two were able to be open about their struggles to each other, without any fears of criticism, or even their shared bond in music and poetry. Whereas Ellie was more into the writing and poetry, Craig was more about the song writing and music composing. In a way, these two things brought them a lot closer than they think. The instance and willingness for Craig to attempt reconciliation after an argument shows how strong their bond truly was.
It seemed that he finally saw me, as he turned around, walking towards me, with Ellie just behind him.
"Hey Toby, you ready?"
I nodded in reply.
"Ellie needs a ride home, so we're going to stop by her house, is that fine?"
"Yeah, it's fine, it usually takes 20 minutes for me with the bus to get home, I can wait,"
Ellie and Craig nodded.
Once we dropped Ellie off, Craig drove off towards my house. While he did know of the area I lived in, I suspected it was because of his time with Ashley that caused them.
Eventually, we stopped by, Craig stopping his car just out the driveway. As we entered the entrance of the house, I led Craig to the place I had called home for the next few hours after school:
The garage
Once, just a typical garage, where you would store your cars, was now a gym-like room. On the right side, was filled with exercising equipment, like weights, such as dumbbells, barbells, and areas where you could perform bench presses, leg presses, and hexagonal.
On the left side was the cardiac exercising equipment, with an elliptical and treadmill specifically.
In the middle, surrounded by play-mats, from my childhood, was my Outslayer heavy punching bag.
Craig looked around, stunned at the sheer amount of exercising equipment there was.
"Wow," was all I heard from him.
"So how about you put on some of that rock music, while I show you some of this equipment?" I asked him, to which he smiled and nodded.
…
"47... 48... 49... and 50!"
Finishing 3 sets of 50 bench presses, I successfully bench pressed 175 pounds, 25 more than my body weight, which was good, but not exceptional.
"How do you do it?" I heard Craig question, to which I simply shrugged.
"Weeks, or months of practice and motivation,"
"You must've had some great motivation,"
"It was more of a motivation to create a distraction,"
We chuckled, before I asked, "You want to try some?"
"What?! No!"
"Come on, just do 20 reps, and I'll lower the weights,"
"Okay..."
It went okay, he successfully completed the rep.
He smile, "Okay, that wasn't too bad,"
I nodded.
"Punch the punching bag," I told him, to which he did.
And then he wailed in pain.
"YEOW! That's hard, Toby, how do you punch that?" He asked hysterically, to which I laughed.
"Why do you think I always wear hand wraps,"
"Fair enough," I heard him faintly mumble.
"Anyways, I'm going for a 45-minute treadmill run, feel free to put on some music," I notified him, to which he nodded an okay.
45-minutes of hearing rock themed songs, alongside vigorous sweating, the treadmill beeped to notify that my session had ended. I stepped off, before grabbing my water bottle, and chugging it.
"That's some serious dedication," Was all Craig said.
"Like I said before, it functioned as the perfect distraction to what's around me,"
"I can see, still, I can see where your muscle mass came from easily,"
"Yeah,"
"When are you going to show the school?"
I looked his way, before sighing.
"I don't know, I don't want people to put this on the morning news, but I want people to acknowledge I'm a person,"
"Well whenever you're ready, you have my backing,"
I looked at him, before thanking him.
"Let's get something to eat, I'm hungry,"
He chuckled
"Yes indeed,"
As we got out of the garage, we were met with an unexpected face, Kate.
"Kate, what are you doing home so early?"
But she didn't answer me, instead, she was staring angrily at the person beside me, Craig.
"What are YOU doing in my house?"
Craig looked back confused.
"What?"
"What are you doing here? You are not allowed anywhere near me or my daughter again!"
"Listen miss, what happened was-"
"I don't care what happened, you cheated on my daughter! You devastated her! You're a scum, you know that?"
I was shocked at the sudden verbal insult that were being thrown from Kate to Craig, most likely due to Craig cheating on Ashley, but they were on good terms, so why was Ashley's mom not the same?
My mind came back to conscious when Kate threw another verbal punch to Craig's face.
"If you beat up your step father, you probably did that to Ashley to,"
It was then that Craig spoke up, in a fury I haven't seen from him.
"Do you think I regretted it? Yes, but I did what I could do to repair the damage, and she was fine with me, we're on good terms now, so I don't know why you have to get all up in my face and push me down like I'm the dirt in your shoes. I've had it with you!" He finished, before stomping out my door.
I myself felt like I was fuming as well, Craig certainly did not deserve that treatment.
"That's not a nice way to treat your guest, Kate,"
"Excuse me? That guest broke my daughter mentally!"
"Okay and? It was months ago, and she moved on, I see Ashley and Craig hang out on friendlier terms now,"
"How can you defend a cheater, once a cheater is always a cheater you know,"
"How can you be so sure about that? How can you be sure that Craig is going to break another girl's heart? Did he do it to Ashley again? No! Ashley broke up with him! He's going to counseling for his bipolar disorder! The kid's going through enough and you yelling at him does not help his case.
"He deserves it, for causing all that trouble with Ashley, she's your step-sister you know, you should care for her,"
"Why should I?! In case you haven't noticed oh perfect parent Kate, Ashley, has given zero fucks about me at all, so why should I give two shits about her? She clearly does not want anything to do with me, and neither do I!"
"Don't you try use foul language to me mister,"
"Well, guess what punk, I did, now screw off, I have a guest to I need to explain this to,"
I stormed out of the house. I was not threatened by Kate at all, she didn't even bring Ashley here most of the time, and the times we did, she just ignored me, so why should I care about something Kate does? I had to keys to my house either way, so if she tried to lock me out, I could just open the door, or garage, her call.
I spotted Craig, head down on his wheel of his car. Sighing, I jumped into the passenger. He seemed to notice me, as he looked up, eyes red from crying. I started.
"Ignore Kate, she's just mad at something that happened quite a bit of time ago,"
"Thanks, but what I did was wrong to Ashley, and I wished I could remove the pain I caused her," I looked at him, head still down from shame.
"You did what you could do to fix the damage you caused, you're on good terms with her, right?"
He nodded, to which I continued.
"Well, that should be good enough, if she has a problem, she should tell you,"
"I know, it's just, it was a stupid mistake that I wish I could've stopped,"
"Maybe you could have, but thinking about past scenarios won't get you anywhere, you just have to move on, and enjoy the other parts of life,"
"It's hard to,"
"Kate is still stuck in the past, where you made your mistake, you express deep sympathy and shame towards your actions, and you've learned from them right?"
"Yeah,"
"Well there you go, humans make mistakes, but we also learn from them,"
"Did I learn, will I just make the same mistake over and over?"
"I don't know, but what I do know is you're human Craig, and you make mistakes, learn from those mistakes to become a better person. I say, if you are showing emotion to your actions, then that's a start."
He looked up to me, a smile on his face.
"Thanks Toby,"
"No problem, now let's head to the movie theatre, see if Ellie and Marco are still watching whatever they picked,"
"What about Kate?"
"I'll worry about her when she actually becomes threatening. I have the keys to my house, so she can't lock me up,"
He laughed at that.
"Okay, Issacs, to the movie theatre we go!"
The engine roared to life, before the car started accelerating.
I looked back, hoping maybe my father could talk some sense into Kate.
