This was probably one of the hardest chapters to write. I actually love Craig and Ellie as a couple. I know Craig is terrible in relationships, but I like how they concluded them. Their kiss at LAX was the most satisfying thing ever. I would much rather have this ending than make them hate each other, or just be exes, so as much as I wished they did more with them, I'm glad they kept it at that, its kind of makes it open ended, which allows so many possibilities for them. I will tell you all that Ellie and Craig will eventually get together in my story, so don't think it's over for them.


3 Days Later (Monday)

Toby's POV

If there was ever a day, I was supposed to feel content with, but wasn't, it was today. I felt great. I continued my exercise on Saturday, skipping Friday seemed to have negligible influence on my performance. While I was never really the type to boast about my body, I finally felt the confidence others felt. For most of my life, I was always insecure about my body image, going through anorexic phases, where laxatives were my best friends. Today, not only did I stopped caring, but I felt great. For the first time, I was happy with my image. Emma's comment on me taking off my baggy clothes, and exposing myself to the world was relieving. It took off huge stress.

The body transformation from a chubby nerd with glasses turning into a muscular, lean teenager, I finally looked like one. It seemed that I had grown into my chubbiness, finally. Walking across the halls, wearing short pants and a T-shirt, I was well aware of the looks I was given, my true body image is finally shown to the school, but I didn't care in the slightest. If this were to scare others, be my guest. What matters is that I'm finally am happy with myself. Through the three months of vigorous exercise, I was finally content.

While I wasn't athletic, I was definitely in good physical health, something I was never. Despite this, I told myself that I wasn't done. I could lose my muscles if I stopped, and in a way relapse physically, and thus I told myself to keep myself exercising. I had a good punching bag, cardio and weights equipment, I couldn't just get rid of them. I was going to continue working out, it was enjoyable to, like an actual hobby that didn't have to do with the computer.

So far, the exposure felt great, sure it was a lot colder than I thought, but it was the look of students that actually made me laugh. In one particular case, I saw a female student start drooling at me, before bumping into a door. I swear that was the funniest thing I've seen in ages.

"Maybe I could make this work," I told myself. Now that Jay and Spinner weren't here, I was free to do what I wanted without being on the ground from the likes of them. Even if they were to come back somehow, I would be able to hold them back. I've done it to Jay in the cafeteria, and I've done it to Spinner at Jimmy's welcome back party, I could do it again.

Despite the relief of holding such an image, and everyone seeing me differently, in a more positive way, I was still not content. Looking towards them, I noticed the glare sent my way from Manny. I knew very well it was because of my association with Craig, whom I now learnt was Manny's ex-boyfriend, or fling, or whatever you called it.

I shook my head, "God damnit Craig," while I had no problem confronting and ridiculing Craig for what he did, I knew he was a changed man. He was after someone else. I smirked at him going after a certain redhead, who I knew also returned the feelings. Judging from the way they looked at each other, I knew they would ultimately end up together.

If not in high school, then eventually. There ultimately would be together.

But that wasn't my main concern, but rather the hostility Manny was showing me, her glares piercing my back like a laser. I knew she hated me, but I was confused at the same time. Didn't she already know of Craig and I hanging out? Or was it the fact that he showed up at her house. I didn't know, but I didn't care. All I cared about was getting those two on friendlier terms.

Ashley was no longer here; she had moved to England to start a career in something I didn't care about. She never really sent me a goodbye, so it wasn't until I heard from Kate that she was gone. I shrugged, we never really talked all that much, aside from that weird one after I had almost fought Jay, but that was it.

While I was upset that my friendship with Craig had put mine with Manny on the ropes, I knew I couldn't abandon one for the other. I had to make them reconcile at least at a peace treaty sort of sense.

Regardless, as I closed my locker, I was mildly shocked to see Alex in front of me.

I blinked at her, "Uhh, Alex, hey"

"I texted you about a Starbucks date,"

I blushed slightly at how she said that, "Oh, I was at a party, sorry,"

Rather than seeming pissed, she seemed for interested.

"Toby goes to parties? That's new,"

"Hey! I'm not that socially awkward!"

She laughed in return, "Alright, so after school, we'll go out?"

I looked at her before smiling, "Sure,"

With that she walked away. But as she walked away, and I thought I was alone, I was approached by another person.

"You both really went from fighting to dating?"

I turned around to see Jt smirking at me, to which I groaned.

"It's not a date, she's doing this as a peace treaty,"

He only seemed more interested, "I suggest you dress nice tonight,"

I smacked him on the arm, "Jt! I'm not going to have sex with her!"

"You never know,"

I facepalmed, was Jt really going to make this awkward?

He pulled something out of his bag, the shape I knew all too well.

I blinked, my face turning red, "Is that a condom?"

He laughed out loud, amused by my reaction, "Of course Toby, are you a virgin?"

I rolled my eyes, at his thrown shade.

"Why do you care?" I asked, before taking the condom he held in his hand.

"You'll need that for help," He stated finally before tapping my shoulder.

Before I could reply what, he meant, he walked away. Shrugging at what he could mean, I didn't care in the slightest. Not only did I want to come across as that person, but I wasn't going to let Jt make me that person.

Heading to my class, I told myself I was going to confront Craig on how we could at least get Manny to stop hating us.

"I should've known going to Manny's house would result in that," I heard Craig.

"It wasn't really your fault, you didn't know she would act like that,"

He sighed, to which I was confused with.

He continued, "I just didn't want to date her because I wasn't really feeling it,"

I laughed slightly at what he said, "What do you mean?"

He shrugged in a response, with a straight face, "I mean, if she was willing to flirt with me even if she knew I had a girlfriend, it shows I can't trust her."

I looked back at him, somewhat surprised at his smart response.

"What about you?"

"I can't trust myself either, I'm scared of hurting those around me. In the end of that relationship disaster I broke both of their hearts,"

I understood what he meant, and I wasn't mad at him. I was upset, but I was willing to give him a second chance.

"Try and find a way to make it up to her,"

"I don't know what to do, but I'm willing to end this negativity, especially if it is affecting you,"

I nodded in response.

It was things like this that made me believe Craig was a good person. Sure he did some questionable actions, but he's learning to be a better person.

I couldn't help but notice the sort of daze Craig was in. I knew he had a lot going on, especially with the incident at Manny's house, but it felt like he had more things he was hiding.

I was very tempted to ask him if he wanted to talk about more stuff, but I didn't get the chance as the bell rang.

"See you Craig!" I yelled his name as I went ahead to my other class.

With my backpack on me, I was under the impression to going into my other class, when I stopped. I looked to my right to see Manny giving me another glare. I took a gulp; I did feel bad and I understood why Manny was angry, but it also could be pettiness.

"She'll get over it," I turned to my other side to see Emma talking to me.

I sighed. I still felt bad, "I hope so, it's just it could've been prevented,"

"Maybe it could have, but now is not the time to think of scenarios,"

I reminiscent back to the aftermath of the shooting, how I would continuously think of certain scenarios to get myself off of what I thought was a failing life. I remembered how down I was to the point that I began living in a euphoria.

I gave Emma a small smile, "You're right, I'll find some way to make it up to Manny, I was talking to Craig on how he could end this hostility,"

She nodded, "That's good, I just hope it's sooner rather than later,"

With that she was about to walk away, before she stopped.

Raising my eyebrows when she turned to me, she whispered in my ear, "I heard about your little date with Alex, good luck," before walking away.

Really?

Did she really just do that? I knew Jt was the cause of that.

Groaning like a miserable little kid, I failed to notice said person in front of me.

"Alex," I started but she interrupted me.

'Are we going after school?" She asked bluntly.

"Yeah, sure that's fine I'll meet you there,"

She gave me a blank look, which really creeped me out. Not in the fact that it was uncomfortable, but rather I couldn't understand what she was thinking.

"Oh yeah, this is NOT a date!" She put emphasis on the 'not' which I was glad about.

"I know, it's just the others don't seem to think that way, I don't know why," I shrugged coolly.

"Well then tell them."

And with that she left, leaving me standing there. Shaking my head from the thoughts I went into my class, where I would let my thoughts cloud the environment I was in.

Eventually lunch came, and we settled in the same spot. I was tempted to go and visit Emma, Manny, Jt and Liberty, but I knew Manny would shun me. Just like how Jt and Danny shunned me by laughing at my face, Manny shunned me by simply ignoring me, and somehow it was just as infuriating.

Siting with Marco, Ellie and Craig, I began pondering on the strange feeling in our own group. Specifically Craig and Ellie were relatively quiet towards each other. I looked at Marco, and he confirmed a similar feeling.

I heard Marco start, "So Ellie, Craig what's going on?"

They both shuffled uncomfortably, both not saying anything.

I decided to barge in, "You both seem uncomfortable,"

Eventually Craig sighed, "It's nothing, really,"

Ellie continued, "We're just really tired, Angie was up all night."

I did not believe that excuse at all. They looked more awkward to be around each other rather than tired.

"Are you sure?" Both Marco and I asked, looking at them.

They both looked uncomfortable. Sighing, I began to understand what the awkwardness was about. It was clear their kiss is making them weird around each other. Judging from this, it feels like they didn't have any closure, which only seemed to be causing some strife.

Sighing, I knew what had to be done.

"Craig come with me,"

Was all I said before we left the cafeteria, ignoring the strange looks from Ellie and Marco.. We went in a empty hall where we didn't have to worry about.

"It's about Ellie," I told Craig, my thoughts confirmed when he nodded.

I sighed, "What are you thinking?"

Craig, who was quiet was the whole time finally spoke up.

"We kissed, and ever since everything has been awkward,"

I sighed, "Listen you two are going to have to get closure,"

For the first time, I saw genuine worry and hurt in Craig's face.

"I don't know Toby, I really do like Ellie, but I don't want to ruin this,"

"So what you're telling me is you'd rather keep a consistent friendship with her, rather than dating her and risking a terrible end?"

He nodded, "I'm just scared of hurting her, and now with the kiss, I'm bound to hurt her,"

I sighed, "what do you want to do?"

He stared at me, "what?"

"What are you thinking?"

He stared before talking, "I really don't know."

I gave him a look before giving him a pat on the shoulder, "Marco and I are all for it, don't ruin a good thing Craig."

He continued to stare at me, "I don't know, Toby, I really don't. I'm so conflicted. I haven't been like this since Joey took me in,"

I gave him a look, "Craig, do you love Ellie?" With an emphasis on love.

"Of course I love her! She means more to me than everyone else! More than Ashley, she's been there for me when Ashley ran away!"

We stared quiet for a minute before he continued.

"I'm crazy for her, but I'm scared I'm going to ruin her. I'm really want to be with her, but I also don't want to lose her,"

I understood what he meant. I could see the absolute hurt in his eyes. Wanting to be with someone, but knowing the ending would be catastrophic.

"So, what's your decision? Are you going to ask her out?"

He looked at me, before sighing.


Craig's POV

I don't think I have ever been this conflicted in my life.

I looked back to the cafeteria, where Ellie was, and sighed.

Ellie. The person I had bonded with. The person I cared for dearly. The person I had shared my deepest secrets with. The person who stayed with me when my ex-girlfriend ran away.

I knew I was going to break her. The one thing I had promised myself I wouldn't do, I had to. But I had no choice. It was either now, and encourage her to move on, or to keep her hopeful only to waste her time.

When that kiss happened, I had been so happy that we enjoyed it. But I also knew in that moment I would have to explain myself. Her luscious red hair made her stand out from the crowd. Her black attire hid the true beauty behind her. Her arm, which I knew was filled with scars from self-harm, was the perfect colour despite it. And her hazel eyes gleamed with joy greater than sunshine. This beautiful girl I was going to hurt, not matter the outcome. If I wanted her to be my girlfriend, I would inevitably break her, because I suck at relationships. If I turned her down, she would be hurt and hopefully move on.

I was toxic, and it would be a miracle if I ever became friends with Ellie again.

My mind turned back to Toby, who was looking at me, waiting for an answer. He's a great friend. Marco, I knew he would hate me for breaking Ellie.

I sighed, "I think I'm going to tell her to move on,"

He gave me a look of dismay, knowing the consequences of this, but he shrugged.

"If that's your choice, then there you go."

"I still want to be there for her, but I don't want to hurt her."

He looked understanding, before leaving.

I sighed, knowing we would have to talk to each other about this. I knew the sooner I did this, the better it would be. Ellie would be hurt, but would eventually move on.

Finding my way through the halls, I found Marco alone. Running toward him I almost bumped into him.

"Marco!"

He looked shocked, "You didn't have to sneak up on me."

I didn't laugh at his remark, instead looking at him solemnly, "Marco, if Ellie calls you and she's hurt, please don't be mad."

I didn't want to hear his reaction, so I ran after I said that, leaving him to wonder what I meant.

As the classes continued, I couldn't focus. I was so scared at what I would do, and how she would react. I just couldn't bring myself to wonder what she would say. I didn't want to, but I must.

My mind shook off when I saw the teacher staring at me. I was embarrassed when I realized the whole class was staring at me. The teacher had asked me a question.

"Uhh, sorry I wasn't paying attention," I told the teacher, before knowing I would get in some sort of trouble.

Sighing, I knew this day would be stressful. I just hoped everything would be fine.

I saw her next to her locker. She looked so beautiful, yet so scarred, so perfect, yet so humble. I loved her, but I know she was too good for me. I was crazy for her, but I was too scared. Too scared to hurt her any more. She had gone through enough. The last thing she needed was to get hurt over my mistakes.

Sighing, I approached Ellie, who looked happy and relieved to see me. She gave me a tight hug, holding onto me like I was preventing her from falling off a cliff. A hug I knew I wouldn't get anymore.

We stayed like that for a solid minute, without any awkwardness, just comfort. A feeling I wouldn't feel anymore.

She gave me a cute smile. A smile that told me I was the light in the dark tunnel for her. A smile that I knew I was blessed to see. A smile I knew I wouldn't get anymore.

She then held my hand, leading me to my car. She showed such leadership when she wanted to, something not even Marco knew about. Something I wouldn't get the luxury to see anymore.

I lifted her arm, looking at all the fading scars. While I was pained to see them, I was glad to know she was healing. I knew I wouldn't get to see her progress anymore.

We went in our seats, driving to Joey's. Ellie, with a smile, was talking on how Marco and her were doing with their application towards the University of Toronto. I was glad for her. I felt pride in knowing my best friend was certain about her future. My future with her, I didn't know anymore.

Once we reached home, it was quiet. Angie was with Caitlin, probably at Daycare, while Joey was at his Motors Dealership. It was just the two of us. We sat on the couch, nothing needed to be said. We smiled at each other before watching TV, out close proximity towards each other giving us comfort and a release of anxiety. This was something we wouldn't do anymore.

Ellie's head was on my shoulder, my head comfortably on hers. The feeling of her soft scalp was mesmerizing, someone I wouldn't feel anymore.

I sighed. We were so comfortable. Even though it was awkward with Marco and Toby, we didn't want them to know anything until it was certain. I had the most beautiful girl I knew right next to me, but I knew I couldn't have her. She was too perfect, and I was too messed up. To save her, I must. Even if it meant no long night TV cuddles anymore.

Eventually the show ended. Ellie was asleep. I picked her up and put her to bed. Maybe I could tell her tomorrow, but I knew I couldn't keep stalling. The longer I waited, the more it would hurt. It already hurt me, knowing what I would do. In my arms was an amazing human being. I wouldn't get to hold her anymore.

As I put her on my bed, I stared at her facial features. Beautiful freckles that only added onto her beauty. I stayed close to her, knowing it would be the last. My arms were still on her, and when I let go, she pulled me closer to her. She was shivering, using my body for warmth. Even though she would be alright by waking up to me, I knew this wouldn't last anymore.

I was so tempted to let her sleep, but I couldn't. I had to wake her up and tell her. The suspense was killing me. She had to know, and even if it made me feel better, I knew now would hurt her less than later. I woke her up. She replied with a smile. She wouldn't do that anymore.

"What's up Craig?"

I sighed, "we need to talk," I tried in a serious tone, but with me shaking, she didn't take it seriously.

"What's up?"

I was shaking, my thoughts were blurry, my eyelids were moving, how do people do this?

"Listen I just- we need,"

I stopped when I realized how close we were. She got up and we stared in each other's eyes. She looked so beautiful. Before we knew it, we were once again leaning closer.

Until our lips met. So soft, but so passionate. So uncertain, yet straightforward. There was so much anxiety being released in that kiss. We both were enjoying it, even though I knew it was wrong. I couldn't do this to her. I wouldn't get these kisses anymore.

I shook my head when we broke apart.

"I can't do this anymore, Ellie."

She looked broken already. "What?"

I sighed, this was so hard, "I can't keep kissing you and leading you in,"

Her look of confusion turning to heartbreak shattered me.

"What do you mean leading me on?"

"Ellie, your smart, beautiful and talented. You're so pure,"

She looked confused getting teary eyed, "then why don't you want this?"

"Ellie, you're perfect, I'm not good for you," I started, "you saw what I did to your best friend, I broke her heart,"

"But we're different, we know stuff no one else does!" I grimaced at how she tried to defend what we had.

"I know, but I can't risk us hating each other in a relationship,"

She looked down, understanding what I meant.

I put my hand on her chin, lifting her head up.

"Ellie."

She raised her head for me to speak.

"You will always be my best friend, I will always be by your side, but I can't give you what you want,"

I could see tears coming through her eyes, "I want you by my side, I thought Sean would be with me, but he didn't! Your just like him!"

I wiped the tears off her eyes, "I'm not leaving you; we'll always be connected no matter what. Your still my closest friend, who I can't risk losing, please Ellie, whatever you had for me, let it go, it's not worth it."

I saw her nod her head slowly. "I thought we had something."

I sighed, "as much I wanted that to flourish, I can't know the result of the aftermath. Ellie, you may love me, but I'm crazy for you, and love is something you can move on from. Being crazy is something you cannot."

I saw her saddened look. She really looked heartbroken. As much as it hurt, I could at least take solace in the fact that she could move on. I would continue to think about her.

"Ellie," she looked up, "we still have each other, okay?"

"Okay."

"Alright and Ellie?" she turned to me again, I was almost at the door. "You're the best friend I need, please don't let this ruin us."

She nodded.

"Good night Ellie."

As I closed the door, I couldn't help but let my emotions run around.

Telling Ellie this was the hardest thing I had to do. I could hear her crying softly, and it broke my heart. She would be hurting now, but at least she can move on from me eventually, rather than later.

As I walked to the couch and to sleep, I couldn't help myself. I felt my eyes water up, and eventually, I felt a tear escape my eye. I knew any chance I had with Ellie was gone. But at least she would move on. As for me, I was too crazy for her, I would never forget about her. I no longer had her anymore. This would hurt me more than it would hurt her.